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(Salon)   What's the matter with pit bulls? Probably you   (salon.com) divider line 16
    More: Obvious, Rottweilers, factual basis, ASPCA, Labrador Retriever, dogs  
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7217 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Feb 2013 at 9:50 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-06 09:59:04 AM
7 votes:
The problem with Pitbull is that he looks like a douche, makes shiatty club music, and does commercials for Bud Light.  I can't believe there isn't more unanimity on this subject.
2013-02-06 10:03:10 AM
5 votes:
If anyone out there has a pit that was bought as a pet and then didn't meet your expectations, then - please please please - contact me so I can help you.  I've got a beautiful ranch with over 120 acres for my dogs to run and play.  There are streams for them to splash in, rabbits for them to chase, and a veterinarian that comes twice a month to give checkups.  You can rest guilt-free at night knowing that your dog is taken care of.

I've specialized in rehabilitating "broken" pits for over twenty years.  A lot of people bring me a problem dog, typically a neutered male, who has seemingly lost its will to live.  It lays around the house, eats too much, and shows no aggression whatsoever.  One guy brought me a dog that was too sociable to even take to the dog park.  It just ran around sniffing the other dogs and peeing on trees.  I know that's not why you bought a pit bull, and no one should have to live with such an animal.

Once your dog arrives at my farm, we'll get started as soon as it steps out of your car.  I'll come tearing up on an ATV swinging a length of chain to beat it with if it slows down.  I'll chase it until it either dies of exhaustion or manages to pull me off of the ATV.  In that case, one of my helpers will tranq it.  We'll all sleep well that night.

The next day, I'll start working on its diet.  We serve nothing but human blood here on the ranch.  I mix it with rocks and animal bones to give it some grit.  On Friday's, I throw a few poodles into the cement retreat area for the dogs to fight over.  Just wait until your dog has eaten the warm entrails of another animal.  He'll soon be right back to how God intended him - a tireless, domineering, blood soaked, murder machine that inspires such worldly achievements as war, late term abortions, and child sexual abuse.

Please - do not give up on your dog.  I can fix him!
2013-02-06 05:55:45 AM
4 votes:
Nice article, but probably a waste of time.

I've been walking my dog (a fully papered Rottweiler), and have had people come up to me and start lecturing me on "pitbulls", and how they are vicious and unpredictable and have locking jaws and the bite strength of a car-crusher.

I used to argue with them, but I have found it is more fun to solicit their expertise. Over the years I have learned that "pitbulls" were bred to kill slaves, have an inbred hatred of humans, and amazingly enough, like to track down children because of an instinct to hunt defenseless prey.

The best lectures seem to come from people wearing little fish lapel pins and dragging around a herd of misbehaved and ill-mannered children.
2013-02-06 10:00:10 AM
2 votes:
I had a pit bull growing up. I named her Max (short for Maxine). She went everywhere with me and was my best friend. That dog was the single gentlest animal I have ever known. I used her as a pillow when I watched TV. She warmed my feet when we went camping. She never displayed any aggression at all toward anyone. Then she bit a Mormon kid who put his hand on the door to stop my mom from closing it in his face. Max didn't like my mom's reaction to that one bit, and she silently moved forward and bit him right on the leg.
They didn't put her down because the kid was trespassing- in New Mexico, as soon as you find out that you're unwelcome on private property, you're required to book ass off that land forthwith. Instead, he essentially forced entry in part.
So, yeah, vicious, dangerous animal. We had her 7 more years, my infant sons sat on her, and she was put down 11 years ago at the age of 16. Never so much as an angry noise from that dog, except for that Mormon kid.
To be fair, I would have bit him too.
2013-02-06 02:40:56 AM
2 votes:
As owner of a mixed Husky/Pit let me say they are truly gentle gnats.
2013-02-06 11:49:22 AM
1 votes:

MNguy: SpectroBoy: Nobody NEEDS a pitbull. It is a dog DESIGNED to kill.

And don't tell me a pitbull makes you feel safer. Odds are a pitbull in the home is more likely to be turned on a family member than a criminal.

Sure SOME dog owners are responsible and store their pitbulls safely. But how many children every year must we sacrifice so that some small-penis-having dog owners can renew their man card?!?!?!?!

I call for an outright ban on pitbulls, pitbull like models, and all high capacity dogs. It's the only way!

Think of the children!!!!

Next thing you know, they'll be coming for your pet fish.



Exactly.

That's why I bought extra pit bulls and buried them in the back yard in tubes. When they confiscate all the pit bulls I will still have mine!

/my cunning plan
2013-02-06 10:58:04 AM
1 votes:

DoctorOfLove: [images.elephantjournal.com image 320x240]


I was born in the 70s and am scared shiatless of dobermans.

/me and Magnum
2013-02-06 10:56:24 AM
1 votes:

Carn: MayoSlather: Their aggression may depend on their owner but the difference is the strength of the animal. When a smaller breeds gets agitated and bites it's usually no big deal, but when a pitbull does it can cause major damage. That's why they don't belong in urban areas. There is just no need to have a dog that can rip your throat out when there are so many others that lack that ability.

Any large dog could rip your throat out if it wanted to.  A great dane wouldn't even have to knock you down first.


Good luck getting a Great Dane off the couch to rip out anyone's throat.

/have owned two, they are the stoners of the dog world, eat, lay on the couch, eat, lay in the sun outside, eat, back to sleep on the couch
//maybe an occasional break to walk up to you and stick their nose in your face...while you're standing
2013-02-06 10:35:26 AM
1 votes:
We're still on Pitbulls? Isn't it about time for a new dog to become the minority?
2013-02-06 10:26:36 AM
1 votes:

Christian Bale: DoctorOfLove: [images.elephantjournal.com image 320x240]

Oh yeah, I remember the 80s German Shephards-are-evil craze!

Wait, no I don't.

Doberman Pinchers in the 70s? Never heard a thing about that.

Pit bulls in the 80s, 90s, and 00s, yes, lots of stories about them.


Apparently Ceasar Milan has a different recollection that you.  In comparison to his large dog rescue facility, and his decades of experience rescuing large dogs, how do you rate?
2013-02-06 10:17:23 AM
1 votes:

MayoSlather: Their aggression may depend on their owner but the difference is the strength of the animal. When a smaller breeds gets agitated and bites it's usually no big deal, but when a pitbull does it can cause major damage. That's why they don't belong in urban areas. There is just no need to have a dog that can rip your throat out when there are so many others that lack that ability.


So it's a size problem? Well, the average 180lb male human weighs more and is far more dangerous than a dog.  We shouldn't let humans in urban areas.
2013-02-06 10:08:53 AM
1 votes:

Terrydatroll: I have never had any trouble identifying a Pit Bull. After I kill one on my property I put it out by the road and when the owner finds it he tells me if it was a Pit Bull or not.


Are you the new letrole, or something?
2013-02-06 10:03:40 AM
1 votes:
I learned it by watching YOU, Dad!!
2013-02-06 09:55:18 AM
1 votes:

mr_a: The best lectures seem to come from people wearing little fish lapel pins and dragging around a herd of misbehaved and ill-mannered children.


Just tell them your dog doesn't bite. He swallows children whole.
And he hasn't been fed in three days.
2013-02-06 09:51:58 AM
1 votes:
Pit Bulls do for dog breeds what Jonestown did for powdered kids drinks.
2013-02-06 09:50:01 AM
1 votes:

UberDave: /But if I were to choose what attacked me, it would be a poodle rather than a pit bull.


animal-world.com

You mean a toy or a miniature Poodle, right? The standard Poodle breed is a medium sized dog, and was originally bred for hunting in watery environments. Granted, they're not one of the bigger breeds, but I definitely would not want one to attack me.
 
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