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(Daily Mail)   Headline: "Coffee will kill you." Article: "coffee makes this one guy feel pretty bad"   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 41
    More: Dumbass, Monster Energy, coronary arteries, coffee drinkers, deaths in 2009, Papworth Hospital, Electrical phenomena, sleep disorders, formulations  
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4326 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Feb 2013 at 7:02 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



41 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

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2013-02-05 11:57:41 PM  
That's just like those articles about having sex with your cousin
 
2013-02-06 12:09:30 AM  
Old man discovers heart condition.  News at eleven.
 
2013-02-06 12:26:32 AM  
And yet you submitted it anyway, giving us yet another piece of Daily Fail drivel, so why don't you experience the business end of a pitchfork for your troubles?
 
2013-02-06 07:03:20 AM  
Won't... click... daily... fail...
 
2013-02-06 07:07:40 AM  
I'll will kill you if you take my coffee, so I guess coffee can kill
 
2013-02-06 07:07:48 AM  
...yet you submitted it any ways.
 
2013-02-06 07:12:22 AM  
Coffee definitely can kill. It could kill me if I didn't have it in the morning because I would nod off at the wheel and ram my car into a telephone pole.
 
2013-02-06 07:18:00 AM  
Coffee kills.....


but not reliably.
 
2013-02-06 07:19:15 AM  
www.smbc-comics.com
 
2013-02-06 07:23:20 AM  
I just had a cup of coffee. We have a secretary here who makes the best coffee. She's also very pretty, but she's got a couple of kids and seems to be a tough ballbreaker, so I'm just happy to drink my little cup of coffee and do my work.
 
2013-02-06 07:25:30 AM  
A life without coffee is not worth living.
 
2013-02-06 07:27:46 AM  
This is why I drink alcohol in the morning. I'm safe.
 
2013-02-06 07:27:51 AM  
4.bp.blogspot.com
/That is all.
 
2013-02-06 07:27:55 AM  
This article is...

rightturnforever.com
 
2013-02-06 07:29:04 AM  
Most mornings I feel like I might die if I don't get a cup of coffee soonish, so yeah, I guess.

/addicted
//totally legal in all fifty states
 
2013-02-06 07:30:59 AM  
Beer
 
2013-02-06 07:39:42 AM  
"It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that the thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning.
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion."

-  Piter De Vries (paraphrased)
 
2013-02-06 07:50:49 AM  
I'm trying recipies to incorporate espresso into my daily morning smoothies.

/the Real Green Monster!
 
2013-02-06 08:07:29 AM  
www.lileks.com
 
2013-02-06 08:09:14 AM  
I do agree with him that Starbucks is lethal.
 
2013-02-06 08:17:43 AM  
Coffee death: almost as good as chocolate death.

Coffee/chocolate/cigarette death: totally worth it.
 
2013-02-06 08:18:05 AM  
Um... that's not what the headline says.

Also what's wrong with this idiot? He has a heart problem that coffee makes worse and yet he still drinks the sh*t. Just quit. I did.

BLACK TEA FTW!
 
2013-02-06 08:19:35 AM  
and I only click the Fail for the titties in the sidebar.

mmm titti...

*massive coronary*
 
2013-02-06 08:20:12 AM  

Rev. Skarekroe: [www.lileks.com image 326x353]


You're just jealous you can't rock that mustache and belt combo like I can.
 
2013-02-06 08:20:21 AM  
amphetamines are poison.  caffeine is approved by the FDA
 
2013-02-06 08:21:44 AM  
Lazy day at the paper office?

/anything can kill you of given the right circumstances
//remember those "ban dihydrogen monoxide" petitions?
 
2013-02-06 08:29:32 AM  
*slurp*

i116.photobucket.com
 
2013-02-06 08:37:34 AM  

Jon iz teh kewl: amphetamines are poison.  caffeine is approved by the FDA


I don't think it's reasonable to compare the abusability of amphetamines to caffeine. If you could buy amphetamines legally in stores just like you can caffeinated products, I can promise you that there would be way more problems with those than associated with caffeine.
 
2013-02-06 08:47:04 AM  
So caffeine will help me do my job, but I won't have to plan for my retirement. Win-win!
 
2013-02-06 09:02:35 AM  
Coffee doesn't normally kill.  LACK of coffee, on the other hand.....
 
2013-02-06 09:10:13 AM  
article fails to mention how many people will die if I don't get my coffee...
 
2013-02-06 09:15:39 AM  
Most people drink coffee to wake up. I wake up to drink coffee.
 
2013-02-06 09:38:51 AM  
Maybe the guy needs the cluster headache surgery.
 
2013-02-06 09:54:41 AM  
I had an epiphany one day when drinking coffee and realized how much less focused I was if I didn't have a slow, steady stream of coffee in my system. I have adult ADHD and Ritalin and other drugs used to treat it are stimulants. For some reason, probably because of the stimulant properties of the caffeine (as multiple people have pointed out to me when I mention the phenomena), coffee calms me down and helps me focus. It's so effective for me that even my family members know that if I start acting a bit more "off" than usual and distracted, to get me some coffee. (Like you could keep Norwegians from making coffee anyway, no matter what country they live in now). I like coffee, too, so it's win-win. I think more ADHD people should try coffee instead of RX drugs, just to see if it will save them money, and probably their liver and kidneys as well. If it works, great! If it doesn't, then back on the pills. Wouldn't hurt to give it a try.

amquelbettamin: I'll will kill you if you take my coffee, so I guess coffee can kill


PostApocalypticTribe: Coffee death: almost as good as chocolate death.

Coffee/chocolate/cigarette death: totally worth it.


I totally agree with both of you. Wanna meet me at Peets for a cuppa and some nibbles? There's also a Panera if someone wants to split a semi-fancy, entirely too big sammie with me, two Starbucks if you want to verbally bash the yuppies and snicker at the baristas (a couple of them are really funny!) and a little local place called "Capitol Coffee" with board games on the tables - all within sight of each other. Take yer pick.

/coffee is tasty and a medical miracle for me
//having homemade cinnamon coffee right now with a tiny bit of International Delight Cinnabon creamer
 
2013-02-06 11:34:35 AM  
Non alcoholic beer

Fat free desserts

Decaf coffee

Non-orgasm sex
 
2013-02-06 03:57:59 PM  
I quit drinking coffee a couple months ago.  I like the stuff, but I also like being able to function well at any time, rather than being wired for a while then crashing.  It feels like you "need" it in the morning, but once you get yourself off the addiction you don't need it as much as you think.

As a firefighter, it's not like I'm going to stop and make a cup before I leave if the pager goes off at 3 AM!  The adrenaline carries you for a while, but if you're on scene for a couple hours, you'll notice that you missed it.

It seems like a lot of EMS people just drink it constantly on long shifts, but I don't like being dependent.  I mean, if I get distracted and don't get any then end up with a headache just feel really burned out, that's a problem.
 
2013-02-06 06:22:55 PM  

ComaToast: So caffeine will help me do my job, but I won't have to plan for my retirement. Win-win!


amen to that brother (snaps open a Mingus Dew)
 
2013-02-06 09:49:02 PM  

here to help: Um... that's not what the headline says.

Also what's wrong with this idiot? He has a heart problem that coffee makes worse and yet he still drinks the sh*t. Just quit. I did.

BLACK TEA FTW!


Good luck with that one, the good Arabian black tea, man that has more caffeine then 5 cups of light roast coffee, but so friggen delicious with condensed milk.
 
2013-02-07 03:12:36 AM  

doubled99: Non alcoholic beer

Fat free desserts

Decaf coffee

Non-orgasm sex


Some people like all of those. They are weird, probably vegan.
 
2013-02-07 03:19:51 AM  

xevian: here to help: Um... that's not what the headline says.

Also what's wrong with this idiot? He has a heart problem that coffee makes worse and yet he still drinks the sh*t. Just quit. I did.

BLACK TEA FTW!

Good luck with that one, the good Arabian black tea, man that has more caffeine then 5 cups of light roast coffee, but so friggen delicious with condensed milk.


nice misdirection there by choosing the strongest tea, the weakest coffee and not saying any amounts of either. Is it a pound of tea that has more caffeine than a cup of coffee?

Generally a pound of tea has more caffeine than a pound of coffee but much more coffee is used to make a cup of coffee than when compared to the amount of tea used making tea (especially in my house) so a cup of coffee generally has much more caffeine than a cup of tea (ymmv)

My morning cup of coffee has about 675mg of caffeine in it for example, about the same as 18 cans of coke (9 cup espresso, lots of milk 2 Tbs sugar). Good luck getting that amount of caffeine in a cup of tea.
 
2013-02-07 02:53:18 PM  
Also a lot of people don't realize that it's not just the caffeine in coffee that makes it so bad for you. The acids and other crap in it cause the digestive tract and cardio issues. If I drink more than one cup of coffee my heart starts racing, I get dizzy, I get paranoid and stressed out, my guts bind up and I get the squirts. I drink black tea all day and NONE of that sh*t happens.

I do desperately miss coffee though. I just got a coffee maker again and I've made a few half pots but after the first cup I really start regretting it. Decaf doesn't make much of a difference either.
 
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