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(Jezebel)   The best advice some people will never learn: "If women keep responding to you like you're some weirdo creeper, then chances are that you're acting like a weirdo creeper"   (jezebel.com) divider line 119
    More: Interesting, sex predator, p.f. chang, Amy Pond  
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10606 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Feb 2013 at 12:45 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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Archived thread
2013-02-06 02:53:21 AM  
19 votes:

Yogimus: Throw jizz in her face and yell: "I CAN SMELL YOUR CUNNNT!"


You know what you look like to me, with your clever quote and your cheap profile? You look like a liter. A well scrubbed, hustling liter with a little taste. Good education's given you some length of post, but you're not more than one generation from poor AOL trash, are you, Yogimus? And that accent you've tried so desperately to shed: pure Silicon Valley. What is your father, dear? Is he a LAN admin? Does he stink of exhaust fan? You know how quickly the boys found you... all that tedious sticky cybering in yahoo chatrooms... while you could only dream of getting out... getting anywhere... getting all the way to F.A.R.K.
2013-02-06 12:49:05 AM  
11 votes:
25.media.tumblr.com
2013-02-06 12:51:22 AM  
8 votes:
When I was a hopeless single guy, I always hated when people said, "Be confident" as if it were some kind of useful advice.

That's kind of like a track coach saying, "Run faster."
2013-02-06 01:38:58 AM  
7 votes:
Just do like me and freeze in silent, nervous loserdom, then drink heavily and masturbate.
2013-02-06 01:00:11 AM  
7 votes:
Pick-up Artist.

imgs.xkcd.com
2013-02-06 12:22:57 AM  
7 votes:
"I have a well in my basement that you would look so good in" isn't a compliment that works very well, at least in my experience.
2013-02-06 12:57:05 AM  
6 votes:
Perhaps I've simply been playing too much Minecraft, but when I saw the term 'Creeper', one of my first thoughts was "It's going to explode!" instead of 'creepy guy'.
2013-02-06 01:24:08 AM  
5 votes:

rynthetyn: BSABSVR: I'd think that "be polite and don't invade people's space" would be complete no-brainer advice.  Then I remember there's a thread just below where people don't understand that dog shiat on the porch isn't a stand your ground situation.

I have a friend who's routinely posting on Facebook about how women don't like nice guys. He's also the same guy who's one of those really huggy people where I had to put my foot down and make it really clear that I don't like people touching me. Instead of picking up on body language, when people recoiled he'd try to be extra huggy.


i.imgur.com
2013-02-06 12:52:22 AM  
5 votes:
So are you saying "Does this rag smell like ether to you?" isn't a good pickup line?

/because I've gotten great responses with it
//well... maybe more like unresponsive, but still...
2013-02-06 01:46:26 PM  
4 votes:
It is esp. amusing when men on Fark biatch about good-looking men being able to get away with behavior less-attractive men don't.

Because, obviously, that's never true of women. Men don't ever tolerate behavior from attractive women they wouldn't put up with for a second from the uggos.

They're very ethical and even-handed that way. I know from reading many Fark threads.
2013-02-06 01:22:14 PM  
4 votes:
This thread is fantastic.  You're all the disfunctional family I never knew I wanted.
2013-02-06 04:54:58 AM  
4 votes:

gunther_bumpass: untaken_name: astoreth: Yep. Imagine a gal who has all of your interests and is a blast to hang out with, but you have no attraction to her. Zero. Zip.

Ok, so how do I ever find out that she has all of my interests and is a blast to hang out with, again?


By treating her like a human being instead of a potential lay.


If I wanted to interact with a human being, I'd talk to a man.
2013-02-06 03:00:14 AM  
4 votes:

Yogimus: miss diminutive: Yogimus: Throw jizz in her face and yell: "I CAN SMELL YOUR CUNNNT!"

You know what you look like to me...

Oh you poor sweetie, you must think you're still attractive enough for that to matter.


You see a lot, Yogimus. But are you strong enough to point that high-powered perception at yourself? What about it? Why don't you - why don't you look at yourself and write down what you see? Or maybe you're afraid to.
2013-02-06 02:54:12 AM  
4 votes:
Too many are grasping here.  Women are like dog turds, the older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
2013-02-06 02:32:58 AM  
4 votes:
Just do what I do --

Be an introverted depressive social retard one step away from agoraphobia.
If you don't go anywhere or do anything, you can't creep out women.
2013-02-06 01:07:57 AM  
4 votes:
i468.photobucket.com
2013-02-06 12:56:25 AM  
4 votes:
I had a friend whose entire game was keeping copies of his ATM receipts on him from right after his paycheck was deposited. He'd then meet girls at bars and give them his number with the line "this is really tacky, but it's the only piece of paper I have".

/he had a 75% success rate
//and a 6 figure income
2013-02-06 02:03:47 PM  
3 votes:

Theaetetus: udhq: I never hung out with those women, I never spoke to them.

You also didn't find this girl interesting to talk to... so why ask her out?


He wanted to use her to move his junk around.

And she only wanted to use him to move her junk around.

The nerve.
2013-02-06 02:06:44 AM  
3 votes:
Men, if you never listen to anything I say ever again, hear this: these feminist articles about the rules of approaching women are made strictly to inhibit men with low sexual market value, because they're the only ones who would even consider taking this advice to heart. The most confident (and therefore desirable) men don't play by the rules.

Don't believe me? Read the erotic fan fiction that women write and see for yourself what turns them on. Sure, they don't want YOU taking their headphones off on the subway, but if George Clooney did that it would result in a vaginal flood of Biblical proportions.
2013-02-06 02:04:05 AM  
3 votes:
FTFA:  I once had a man on the Q train refuse to break eye contact with me as he ate an entire rotisserie chicken with his mittens on.


I laughed way too hard at this.
2013-02-06 01:38:23 AM  
3 votes:
"Need help changing that flat tire?"

/Works well here in the home, and wheelchair tires are a snap to fix.
2013-02-06 12:49:24 AM  
3 votes:
Which would be fine if creepy behavior was something besides flirting while being unattractive.
2013-02-06 01:30:34 PM  
2 votes:

FirstNationalBastard: PanicMan: This thread is fantastic.  You're all the disfunctional family I never knew I wanted.

Who is the uncle who gets drunk and tries to show you his penis?


SIGH.
*unzip*
The shiat I put up with...
2013-02-06 12:04:38 PM  
2 votes:

yapopo: never listen to a woman's advice on women.  seriously.  they are the worst.




forward.com
Proud.
2013-02-06 09:55:45 AM  
2 votes:

Tommy Moo: You and many other people share a misunderstanding of PUA game. Any guy who throws a shiat fit if a girl doesn't immediately show attraction to him is doing it wrong and will be ostracized/corrected by the community. There are all kinds of rules taught by the masters regarding the following principles...


Masters, rules, ostracizing by the community... That doesn't sound  anything like a cult.
2013-02-06 07:49:13 AM  
2 votes:
In my experience, women like to be wooed by romantic gestures.

So be sure to gaze longingly into her eyes, and say romantically, "Wooooooo."
2013-02-06 04:14:11 AM  
2 votes:

Tommy Moo: .

I've dated dozens 26 of the most beautiful women in my city. I'm clearly doing something right, brother.

2013-02-06 03:36:49 AM  
2 votes:

Yogimus: miss diminutive: Yogimus: miss diminutive: Yogimus: Throw jizz in her face and yell: "I CAN SMELL YOUR CUNNNT!"

You know what you look like to me...

Oh you poor sweetie, you must think you're still attractive enough for that to matter.

You see a lot, Yogimus. But are you strong enough to point that high-powered perception at yourself? What about it? Why don't you - why don't you look at yourself and write down what you see? Or maybe you're afraid to.

I am a divorced sociopath that gets more pleasure out of masturbation than a long term relationship. I treat people as replaceable drones, and only have 2 or 3 people I can talk to.  I numb the emptiness in me with power, and take more pleasure than I should in the shortcomings of others. In this, I feel no guilt.  I am also an UNCANNY user and manipulator of people, and I know you.  I know you VERY well.


cdn.inquisitr.com
2013-02-06 03:09:37 AM  
2 votes:
Yogimus: I AM SO HARDCORE
2013-02-06 03:08:06 AM  
2 votes:

Yogimus: miss diminutive: Yogimus: miss diminutive: Yogimus: Throw jizz in her face and yell: "I CAN SMELL YOUR CUNNNT!"

You know what you look like to me...

Oh you poor sweetie, you must think you're still attractive enough for that to matter.

You see a lot, Yogimus. But are you strong enough to point that high-powered perception at yourself? What about it? Why don't you - why don't you look at yourself and write down what you see? Or maybe you're afraid to.

I am a divorced sociopath that gets more pleasure out of masturbation than a long term relationship. I treat people as replaceable drones, and only have 2 or 3 people I can talk to.  I numb the emptiness in me with alcohol, and take more pleasure than I should in the shortcomings of others. In this, I feel no guilt.  I am also an UNCANNY user and manipulator of people, and I know you.  I know you VERY well.


Well enough to know when I'm quoting Silence of the Lambs in response to your original Silence of the Lambs quote?
2013-02-06 02:45:49 AM  
2 votes:
Throw jizz in her face and yell: "I CAN SMELL YOUR CUNNNT!"
2013-02-06 02:07:46 AM  
2 votes:
I'm not bad looking, I'm just crushingly awkward and shy. Makes meeting girls very hard. And I have a very hard time telling when a girl is craving my wave.

/Still remember the last day of high school when a classmate said "Yeah, like half the girls in school had a crush on you."
//Responded with "Wait, whaaaaaa? They did? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THIS BEFORE WHEN I COULD HAVE USED THAT INFORMATION?!"
2013-02-06 01:51:34 AM  
2 votes:
FTA: "don't tell her that she'd be prettier if she smiled. She knows what face she's making and doesn't want anyone telling her to change it."

I don't know what possesses people to say that, but I hear it enough that it's turned into a pet peeve of mine. If there's ever a thread about me going postal on someone, chances are good that'll be what triggered it.
2013-02-06 01:38:04 AM  
2 votes:
As always it boils down to two rules:
1. Be a mindreader
2. Don't be unattractive
2013-02-06 01:21:47 AM  
2 votes:
This is the best and only pickup line you will ever need:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=riTmalXedUA (NSFW)
2013-02-06 01:11:35 AM  
2 votes:
doubletaxation.files.wordpress.com

1. Be attractive
2. Don't be unattractive
2013-02-06 12:52:31 AM  
2 votes:

BMFPitt: When I was a hopeless single guy, I always hated when people said, "Be confident" as if it were some kind of useful advice.

That's kind of like a track coach saying, "Run faster."


just be yourself.  you know, act natural
2013-02-06 12:51:05 AM  
2 votes:

Genevieve Marie: The biggest common thread in every suggestion is that it generally makes people uncomfortable if you come on to them in a situation where they can't easily get away from you or are obligated to be nice.


Waitaminute, you mean those bartenders all think I'm creepy? Drats, time to hit on them outside when they get off of work.
2013-02-06 12:50:16 AM  
2 votes:
It just burns me up when they tell me to keep my hands to myself.
2013-02-06 12:46:06 AM  
2 votes:
bie?

eip
2013-02-06 08:25:25 PM  
1 votes:

Magnanimous_J: Well, if our entire personalities were dictated by the position of the moon and drug us from one polar extreme to the other all the time like a dog chained to bumper of the crazy-truck, we would need a little insight too.



Sure, that's exactly how it works. You're a genius.
2013-02-06 08:23:41 PM  
1 votes:

SkunkWerks: Smackledorfer: I've reread your Boobies

Lemme guess, it read like this:

(_Y_)(_Y_) (_Y_) (_Y_) (_Y_) (_Y_) (_Y_) (_Y_)(_Y_) (_Y_)(_Y_) (_Y_)  ( _Y_)(_Y_) (_Y_) (_Y_) (_Y_) (_Y_) (_Y_) (_Y_) (_Y_) (_Y_) (_Y_) (_Y_)  (_Y_) (_Y_) (_Y_)(_Y_) (_Y_) (_Y_) (_Y_) (_Y_) (_Y_) (_Y_) (_Y_) (_Y_) (_Y_) (_Y_) (_Y_) (_Y_) (_Y_) (_Y_) (_Y_)(_Y_) (_Y_)


Yes, that's exactly what they look like.
2013-02-06 06:26:00 PM  
1 votes:
This thread reminds me of all the times (many of them here on Fark!) white people tell black people there is no racism anymore and any opinion to the contrary is a figment of the black peoples' imagination or obvious lies.

Thank goodness the manly men are here to explain to all of us stupid biatches what we really say and do.
2013-02-06 05:23:51 PM  
1 votes:

Tommy Moo: Think of a club proprietor, the guy who goes around making sure everyone feels safe and everyone is having a good time.


I knew a gal who did this routinely, every time she went to the club. She seriously worked the room with "Hey, good to see you again!" and "Are ya havin' a good time?" creating as many acquaintances as possible, both male and female. If anybody responded "no" to that last question, she said "What can I do to fix that?" and went into problem-solving mode to help that person out -- whether it was buying them a drink, introducing them to some cute stranger across the room or just letting them vent for a few minutes about a rough day.

She got laid a LOT, despite being not typically "hot" (she was also quite overweight, to put it kindly). She was charming as hell and had tons of friends, too. The only remotely unflattering thing I ever heard said about her was that "she's got no concept of monogamy."
2013-02-06 04:56:00 PM  
1 votes:

udhq: apoptotic: udhq: I've had relationships with women I didn't like personally

Why?

Attraction is a complicated thing, if I could quantify it, I would be a very wealthy man.

I mean, in some cases, I've been with women who couldn't hold a conversation because I valued their kindness over their intelligence, in others I've just found antagonism to be stimulating.  I don't know how else to say it, but fighting, in a controlled manner, can be a lot of fun.


I understand that attraction is complicated, but I don't understand how you end up in relationships with women you don't like. Are you leading these women to believe that you do like them, even though you don't? Or are you finding women that are so insecure that they'll say ok when you announce "I don't like you, but we should totally be in a relationship anyway"?

Maybe I should back up a step....what do you mean by the word "relationship"?
2013-02-06 04:26:31 PM  
1 votes:
Can I just say that this is the second time I've posted to this thread?
2013-02-06 03:03:36 PM  
1 votes:

fredklein: But if Ms. One and Ms. Ten (on my list) both came up to me and said "Hi", I wouldn't go calling Ms. One a 'creeper' because she said 'Hi' to me.


But I bet you would if she said "hi, want to go out," you replied, "no, thanks, let's just be friends," and she said "no, I have no interest in being friends with you, and I'm also never going to help you with anything in the future."
2013-02-06 02:41:42 PM  
1 votes:

misterpriapus: It means that you put up with her using you because at the end of the day you still love her with all of your heart and you'd rather that she not have to deal with a broken toilet than risk losing her altogether. Being in the friend zone means that you don't ever dare tell her how you feel because that would make her feel awkward and she'll very likely pull you out of that friend zone and put you straight into the creeper zone and you'll never see her again.


Your complete unwillingness to pursue a woman "you love with all your heart" is probably the main reason she disqualified you as a potential partner in the first place. She is treating you like a neuter because that's how you are acting.

The bad news is this one is completely farked. Even if you somehow worm your way into her next rebound, your unrelenting neediness and "whole heart love" will be absolute kryptonite to her lady boner. You might as well give her a that big ball of her hair you've been picking off her couch cushions.

The good news is that you probably don't love her. You're just obsessed with her. She isn't the quirky, perfect angel who is going to save you. She is just another insecure human with all the annoying tendencies and selfishness that we all have. Also, she seems to have a terrible time picking men, so there is likely some abandonment issues or other traumas to work through. She'll cheat on you when your relationship doesn't provide the dysfunction that is hardwired into her brain as "normal."

So move on, pursue your next interest honestly, and try not to make the same mistakes.
2013-02-06 02:31:15 PM  
1 votes:

udhq: My point is just that "creepy" is simply the female version of "biatch", it's a gender-loaded pejorative that people of a certain quality throw out there when they've got nothing else.


Yes.  That IS your point.  And it's also your problem.  It's exactly why women don't like you.

But, like in the xkcd cartoon, telling you this won't help.
2013-02-06 02:22:57 PM  
1 votes:

misterpriapus: Being in the friend zone means watching Pretty In Pink with her (since she's got the night off from banging her pickup artist), knowing that nothing more risque than a bucket of popcorn will happen while secretly wishing that Molly Ringwold had hooked up with Ducky at the end instead of that rich yuppie guy.  You feel that brother's pain.

It means that you put up with her using you because at the end of the day you still love her with all of your heart and you'd rather that she not have to deal with a broken toilet than risk losing her altogether.  Being in the friend zone means that you don't ever dare tell her how you feel because that would make her feel awkward and she'll very likely pull you out of that friend zone and put you straight into the creeper zone and you'll never see her again.



Yes, that's exactly what it means.  If you're both dishonest and deeply, profoundly misogynistic.

It's getting to the point where "friend zone" and "nice guy" are becoming codes for "I neither understand nor like women."
2013-02-06 01:58:35 PM  
1 votes:
Theaetetus:

Unless your dating experience is numbering into at least 5 digits, with a distribution across the entire US, you have a megaphone with a ten-thousand-watt amplifier and a volume control that goes up to 11, then you probably shouldn't be attempting to speak for all women.

/Seriously, they will just drown you out.
2013-02-06 01:55:26 PM  
1 votes:

udhq: I'll never forget when I was in college, I asked a woman out, and she said "we should just be friends."  Now, I could have said "Ok", and dealt with that as it came, but I owned a van at the time, and so like clockwork, that kind of "friend" always seemed to call up around the end of spring semester, asking if I would help her move.  On top of that, I just didn't find her terribly interesting to talk to on a platonic level.

So, I decided to be honest and soften it to "I appreciate that, but I have not had good luck being friends with women I'm attracted to."  She looked a little taken aback, but she hugged me and we went on our separate ways.  A couple days later this story gets back to me from a friend of a friend with the addendum, "she thought that was totally creepy."

The fact is what I said and did was honest and polite, she didn't get what she wanted out of the situation, and calling me "creepy" was the only way she knew of to blame me for her hard feelings over the situation.  I saw her a couple of times after that, I was cordial as I didn't feel I had anything to be ashamed of, but she was always really awkward and you could tell she was embarrassed every time we saw each other.



Yeah, ok.  You know, just going on what you typed, it could be that calling you "creepy" was the only way she knew of to blame your for her hard feelings over the situation, or it just could be that you already had some issues with women before she even laid eyes on you, which she detected through that "honest and polite" smokescreen.

But I'm sure it was the first one and she's totally to blame for everything.
2013-02-06 01:38:18 PM  
1 votes:

udhq: Theaetetus: udhq: Theaetetus: It's a little creepy to ask someone that you don't talk to and don't find interesting for sex. And quite creepy to say, when they try to politely turn you down, that you don't have any interest in them other than sex.

Note that I didn't say "dishonest". But yes, creepy.

You do realize that there is more than sex to a romantic relationship, right?

You're projecting your own creepiness on other people in this thread.....

Pro-tip: when you've told a story about how other people have called you creepy, and others in the thread agree that you sound creepy, it's probably a bit late to try the "NO U ARE!" tactic.

Right, because I'm the guy white-knighting a gender studies thread in a transparent attempt to gain the attention and approval of anonymous internet women.


Heh. I was totally right about your anger issues.
2013-02-06 01:29:21 PM  
1 votes:
Submitter is wrong. All women are biatches and whores. If a male person (like, say, one on Fark) has a negative experience with a female, it means ALL females are bad people.

It's science.
2013-02-06 01:22:38 PM  
1 votes:

udhq: Theaetetus: It's a little creepy to ask someone that you don't talk to and don't find interesting for sex. And quite creepy to say, when they try to politely turn you down, that you don't have any interest in them other than sex.

Note that I didn't say "dishonest". But yes, creepy.

You do realize that there is more than sex to a romantic relationship, right?

You're projecting your own creepiness on other people in this thread.....


Pro-tip: when you've told a story about how other people have called you creepy, and others in the thread agree that you sound creepy, it's probably a bit late to try the "NO U ARE!" tactic.
2013-02-06 01:08:51 PM  
1 votes:

fredklein: Theaetetus: No two situations are EXACTLY alike. Therefore, a solution that works for one situation would never work, and should never, ever be attempted in a different, but similar situation. Got it.

I had sex with my wife. It was great. I'm going to have sex with your wife. If she has any questions, I'll just show her this thread as your tacit approval.

That's not a similar situation. Having sex with another person's wife is not similar to having sex with one's own wife.

But if you have sex with yours, I can have sex with mine. That is a similar situation.

And if Joe flirts a certain way with a woman and gets laid, then Bob should be able to flirt that way with a woman and get laid, too. Similar.


So, when a man's ownership is involved, it's a different situation, but otherwise single women are all identical?
2013-02-06 12:53:34 PM  
1 votes:

FirstNationalBastard: Theaetetus: udhq: I'll never forget when I was in college, I asked a woman out, and she said "we should just be friends."  Now, I could have said "Ok", and dealt with that as it came, but I owned a van at the time, and so like clockwork, that kind of "friend" always seemed to call up around the end of spring semester, asking if I would help her move.  On top of that, I just didn't find her terribly interesting to talk to on a platonic level.

So, I decided to be honest and soften it to "I appreciate that, but I have not had good luck being friends with women I'm attracted to."  She looked a little taken aback, but she hugged me and we went on our separate ways.  A couple days later this story gets back to me from a friend of a friend with the addendum, "she thought that was totally creepy."

The fact is what I said and did was honest and polite, she didn't get what she wanted out of the situation, and calling me "creepy" was the only way she knew of to blame me for her hard feelings over the situation.  I saw her a couple of times after that, I was cordial as I didn't feel I had anything to be ashamed of, but she was always really awkward and you could tell she was embarrassed every time we saw each other.

... Uh, huh. Let's reexamine this for a second:
I asked a woman out... I just didn't find her terribly interesting to talk to on a platonic level.
The fact is, you're creepy, and she picked up on that.

So, not finding someone interesting to talk to is creepy now?

Does that mean that women who brush guys off are creepy, too?


Amazing how you missed the entire first half of that quote. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess you're creepy too.
2013-02-06 12:44:37 PM  
1 votes:

yapopo: gulogulo: yapopo: never listen to a woman's advice on women. seriously. they are the worst.

Right. Because only men know what I want. Please tell me again what I want, I'm just too feeble minded to figure it out for myself.

say what you want, miss sarcasmo.  i'm going by a lifetime of experience.



I'm pretty sure that everyone in this thread is going by a lifetime of experience.
2013-02-06 12:21:53 PM  
1 votes:

gulogulo: yapopo: never listen to a woman's advice on women. seriously. they are the worst.

Right. Because only men know what I want. Please tell me again what I want, I'm just too feeble minded to figure it out for myself.


You want an argument.
2013-02-06 11:57:41 AM  
1 votes:

yapopo: never listen to a woman's advice on women. seriously. they are the worst.


Right. Because only men know what I want. Please tell me again what I want, I'm just too feeble minded to figure it out for myself.
2013-02-06 11:32:42 AM  
1 votes:

plewis: This just in:  Women can be picky assholes.  Not good at public speaking or talking to strangers?  Creep.  Too respectful but still horny?  Creep.  Broke but otherwise charming?  Creep.  Trying too hard? Creep.  There is no relational fark up that a guy can commit that is not punishable by fire.  I'm SOOOOO  glad to be married and not have to deal with picky biatches any more.  (Now I just have to focus on the one)


The respect you show for your wife is awe inspiring.
2013-02-06 10:59:30 AM  
1 votes:
www.behindthevoiceactors.com

Fark...I am disappoint
2013-02-06 10:47:36 AM  
1 votes:
taurusowner:There have been a number of women in this thread who say "don't do ___" or "don't hit on people in retail/bartenders/etc". But the FACT is that if the guy was hot/rich/tall/buff enough, every single on of those women would break these rules. Females bartenders DO give out their real numbers to guys.....hot guys. Same with strippers, waitresses, that cute chick at Kohls, whatever. But no guy will know if he's the one she'll break the "rule" for until he tries.

Protip:  When you introduce an opinion as " the FACT is that " that's a pretty big warning sign.  Not of being a creeper, but of someone whose comment the rest of us should probably ignore as this is someone who is here to rant, rather than discuss.

Also "every single on of those women."  Another sign you're not here to listen to anyone else's opinion.
2013-02-06 10:33:35 AM  
1 votes:

freeforever: You are the reason the pickup artist community exists...and thrives.  Being a pickup artist is ALL ABOUT "stimulating the mind," regardless of what feminists would have you believe.  It's not about cheesy pickup lines, rude insults and trying to score on the first date.  A pickup artist is someone who uses his resources to make himself the most attractive he can be.  That you assume to know what kind of relationship pickup artists want proves you don't know ...


I'm just going to have to call B.S. on this, sorry.

At least, if the PUA websites accurately reflect the "pickup artist community," as you call it.
2013-02-06 10:21:50 AM  
1 votes:

fredklein: Theaetetus: fredklein: ciberido: The rule of not being a creep is, Don't come onto a woman in a way that bothers her; don't express attraction to a woman who doesn't want your attention. So, yes, all other things being equal, it's possible that Bob the Super-Handsome can do some "X" that will not come off as creepy to most women where Tim the Ugly Duckling will come off as creepy to the same women for the same "X."

You can say that makes women shallow if you like, but it doesn't change the basic fact that Tim SHOULD NOT DO "X."

But he sees 'X' working- after all, Bob did it and got laid.

Gosh, if only there was some distinction, some sort of text-but-not-text, like a con-text, that could make something okay in one situation and not okay in another...

No two situations are EXACTLY alike. Therefore, a solution that works for one situation would never work, and should never, ever be attempted in a different, but similar situation. Got it.


I had sex with my wife. It was great. I'm going to have sex with your wife. If she has any questions, I'll just show her this thread as your tacit approval.
2013-02-06 10:12:23 AM  
1 votes:

FirstNationalBastard: doglover: Creepy is usually only creepy if you don't wanna fark the other person. The same behavior from an attractive person would be cute or silly, usually. There is a line, but it's set waaay back for hotties.

Plus women are more choosy. So they're more likely to pull the trigger on the creepy gun. Men just say "Crazy broad, better wear a condom."

Shouldn't that be "Crazy broad, better wear a condom, give her a fake name, and never take her to my house"?


Take her to your place, give her the name of a DnD character so you're used to responding to it. Not really a fake a name then. Ethically, speaking it's a truer name than your given one.

But you need to make sure you have a theme going with the DnD characters in advance so no one gets suspicious when you call yourself "Xorax Bloodletter" or something stupid. I recommend thus:
Humans: Bible names. John, Abraham, Samson, etc.
Elves: Androgynous names. Pat, Chris, Jay, etc.
Dwarves: Norse names: Thor, Sphen, Eric, etc.
Orcs: Presidents. George, Abe, Andrew, Teddy, etc.
Half-elves: Jewish names. Saul, Adam, Kyle, etc.
Anything else: Steve. Just Steve.

I am the vicious blackhearted drow king of an empire of sorrow far beneath the crust of this pathetic surface world. My subjects tremble at the very mention of my name. FOR I AM Steve.
2013-02-06 10:00:29 AM  
1 votes:

fredklein: ciberido: The rule of not being a creep is, Don't come onto a woman in a way that bothers her; don't express attraction to a woman who doesn't want your attention. So, yes, all other things being equal, it's possible that Bob the Super-Handsome can do some "X" that will not come off as creepy to most women where Tim the Ugly Duckling will come off as creepy to the same women for the same "X."

You can say that makes women shallow if you like, but it doesn't change the basic fact that Tim SHOULD NOT DO "X."

But he sees 'X' working- after all, Bob did it and got laid.


Gosh, if only there was some distinction, some sort of text-but-not-text, like a con-text, that could make something okay in one situation and not okay in another...
2013-02-06 09:44:46 AM  
1 votes:

gunther_bumpass: By treating her like a human being instead of a potential lay.


Best piece of advice I've read in this thread.

No, I'm not kidding.
2013-02-06 09:23:44 AM  
1 votes:
RexTalionis(favorite: vampire lawyer who may also be a werewolf but is the goddamn Batman when naked): Help me, Farkers.

Teach me how not to be a repulsive creepy weirdo. You're my only hope.


Just sayin'.
2013-02-06 09:14:12 AM  
1 votes:

gulogulo: too


I must turn in my nerd card for this. My life is a lie.
2013-02-06 08:55:48 AM  
1 votes:
But the ladies love my Dobbie impression.
2013-02-06 08:53:10 AM  
1 votes:
Creepy is usually only creepy if you don't wanna fark the other person. The same behavior from an attractive person would be cute or silly, usually. There is a line, but it's set waaay back for hotties.

Plus women are more choosy. So they're more likely to pull the trigger on the creepy gun. Men just say "Crazy broad, better wear a condom."
2013-02-06 08:37:56 AM  
1 votes:
I wasn't aware asking a woman to go out to dinner or a movie was being a weirdo creeper. Good to know. Next time I'll just grab her tits.
2013-02-06 08:26:44 AM  
1 votes:

Dumb-Ass-Monkey: Just do what I do --

Be an introverted depressive social retard one step away from agoraphobia.
If you don't go anywhere or do anything, you can't creep out women.


Challenge accepted and accomplished!

/seriously, I've grown to despise humanity and interact with them in real life as little as possible.
//However, my job forces me to deal with people. But like any good whore, I can fake it for money.
2013-02-06 07:40:40 AM  
1 votes:
media-mcw.cursecdn.com

Fark Creepers.

One of these bastards was in my house one day. Door was closed and everything. I had a long hard day of building, the mobs where coming, so I went to my house to sleep. I open the door, make a left, and staring me in the face is a Goddamn creeper.

'what the f-'
*HSSSSSSSSSS*
*oh fuc-*
*Boom*
2013-02-06 07:16:25 AM  
1 votes:

freeforever: Being a pickup artist is ALL ABOUT "stimulating the mind," regardless of what feminists would have you believe.


Just to clarify, stimulating my mind actually means you have to be pretty damn smart. If you're a charming lug, you're still a lug and I will get annoyed and bored.  That's not something learning the arts of body language can teach you.
2013-02-06 07:00:39 AM  
1 votes:

Yogimus: Throw jizz in her face and yell: "I CAN SMELL YOUR CUNNNT!"


You're that chicken mittens guy, aren't you?
2013-02-06 06:57:40 AM  
1 votes:

Tommy Moo: Explain the 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon then. I stand behind my assessment. Anyway, life is constantly proving me right. Think what you will.


I'd wager that most women entertained and titilated by reading 50 Shades of Grey aren't actually looking to become some controlling jerks' love slaves any more than most guys watching video porn are actually contemplating becoming pizza deliverymen. There's a giant farking difference between enjoying a porn fantasy and wanting that as a reality.
2013-02-06 06:55:48 AM  
1 votes:
Call me old fashioned but... How about a polite introduction, ask them their name while holding the gaze and the hand slightly longer than usual, but not so long as to be creepy. Engage in a conversation about interests (besides work or boyfriends, etc.). Invite the person on your yacht over the weekend. It also helps if there's another couple or two there with you to vouch that they will be on the boat as well. It doesn't always work for me, but I find it's a decent non-creepy approach. Having a yacht helps.
2013-02-06 06:33:04 AM  
1 votes:

Serious Post on Serious Thread: Talk about lazy logic. Are you really that dense you don't even know that the meaning of the words you are writing down are diametrically opposed to very point you are trying to make?? REALLY??

"In the end" means, you engaged these 'creeps' in some way, you talked to them, got to know them well enough to make at least a partially informed decision. The ONLY reason you got to that point is b/c you found them ATTRACTIVE. If they were UNATTRACTIVE you would have no idea if they were 'creepy' or not.


Please read a little closer next time: that isn't what I was arguing.  I realize nuances might be lost on someone who sees only dichotomous situations. I explicitly countering the notion that the ONLY THING that makes a person a creeper is them being unattractive. I already acknowledged that attractiveness can factor into things for some people.
2013-02-06 05:20:33 AM  
1 votes:
I appreciate the article subby. It's time I changed, evolved, became more than what I am. I shall no longer be just a wierdo, but armed with this information, I will now become a wierdo creeper!

And then back into the pokeball I go.
2013-02-06 04:39:31 AM  
1 votes:
The more I think about it, the more I think "pick up" is entirely the wrong approach for an interesting or even, dare I say, long term relationship.  I know that's not the point of picking someone up, but hear me out.  You want to get to know someone.  You have to approach it differently per individual and by your own wants.  If you want a long term relationship, friendship is the way to start, I think at least.  If you're just trying to pick up a random stranger, you don't know that they're not seeking a long term relationship - if they are, the "pick up" stuff will just come off as creepy.  If they're not, they probably would get it on with much less effort on your part.

The catch is, you don't know this about a person until you actually try it.  So, why not drop all of the con artistry and quit bemoaning the friend zone, and just get to know people before you make up your mind about trying to hop onto / into their organs?
2013-02-06 04:21:02 AM  
1 votes:

untaken_name: astoreth: Yep. Imagine a gal who has all of your interests and is a blast to hang out with, but you have no attraction to her. Zero. Zip.

Ok, so how do I ever find out that she has all of my interests and is a blast to hang out with, again?



By treating her like a human being instead of a potential lay.
2013-02-06 04:20:33 AM  
1 votes:
tinfoil-hat maggie
Tavernknight:

What worked for me was to go to the bar alone with a book. Sit at the bar and order a drink. Then completely ignore everything going on around you and read the book. They will come to you and ask about the book. Great ice breaker.

That would probably work with me ; )


The article clearly explains that the book is a signal that he wants to be left alone, you unrespectful creeperette!
2013-02-06 03:59:39 AM  
1 votes:
"I've got a dick and a knife. One of these is going in you."

/girlfriend HATES that joke
//still the funniest creeper line I've heard
2013-02-06 03:58:33 AM  
1 votes:
assets.diylol.com
2013-02-06 03:34:55 AM  
1 votes:

Tommy Moo: I've dated dozens of the most beautiful women in my city.


Wow.
2013-02-06 03:05:55 AM  
1 votes:
The thing that gets me the most about the guys that complain about the "friend zone" is that they think women owe them something. Protip: if you think you deserve something for being a nice guy, you're not a nice guy.
2013-02-06 02:59:27 AM  
1 votes:

Coelacanth Filet: ciberido: [imgs.xkcd.com image 540x931]
There's an xkcd for everything.  It's like rule 34, only with less nudity.

/Though then again, maybe EVERYBODY in xkcd is nude.

Xkcd completely whiffed on understanding the art of the neg in that strip. A neg isn't a blatant insult, that would be pickup suicide. It's a statement that can be interpreted several different ways - the intent is to keep the girl thinking "What did he mean by that?"

PUA is social nihilism, sure, but it works. Hate the game, not the player, etc.


True.  The woman isn't negging the man.  It would be a different, possibly better, strip if she did.

And I'm quite capable of hating both the game AND the players, I assure you.
2013-02-06 02:57:54 AM  
1 votes:

miss diminutive: You know what you look like to me, with your clever quote and your cheap profile? You look like a liter.


As opposed to a sucker who pays for a forum account?
2013-02-06 02:56:28 AM  
1 votes:
i.chzbgr.com
2013-02-06 02:34:40 AM  
1 votes:

AccuJack: If you think being seen as a "creeper" is bad, try being repeatedly friend zoned shortly after "hello".

Rejection is bad, being perceived as ruining a potential great friendship by wanting to actually *date* when that's what you had in mind from the start is really, really hard.

Seriously, I'm going to start acting like more of an asshole if it'll at least keep me from looking like someone who'd be a "really good friend".


Well there's your problem.  Quit acting like it is a competition or unlocking an achievement,  If you are talking to women just to get your rocks off, it will be nothing but frustration.  Approach interactions with women as trying to form friendships just like you would with men.  There is nothing stopping you from wanting to fark them, but you just need to accept that most are not going to fark you.  And don't treat the friendships as dependent on the farking.  You will increase your friends, get a much better sense of what women want, and eventually one or more will fark you.  Focus on the human interactions, and the farking will come (so to speak).  I have many more female friends as male ones, I have one that farks me in a legally-recognized union, and while I made several of those friendships hoping for non-legally-recognized-union-farking (all before the LRUF), I really don't care about that anymore when dealing with them (though this does not mean I do not leer ^_^ ).

Oh, and God's sake realize that asking her about her interests is the price you pay for telling her about your Grey Knight Terminators.  Oh, and if she talks about Grey Knight Terminators, too, find another set of topics to discuss, because if you obsess over a common geekoid interest, somebody is going to end up in a woodchipper, and it is 50/50 that it will be you.
2013-02-06 02:33:23 AM  
1 votes:
Let's be honest here... women are some creepy farks.
2013-02-06 02:32:25 AM  
1 votes:

bingethinker: It's also hilarious that women complain about men trying to learn better techniques to meet women, when women's magazines are full of articles that are not only about how to get men, but how to coldly manipulate them to get what you want.


There's nothing wrong with both genders seeking out guidance for how best to attain their goals in their social and love lives. This whole thing works better when you don't view love as a war between the sexes. Yeah, in the back of my mind, I acknowledge that there are conflicting mass interests, in that women want other women to get fat so the best men get stuck with them, and the top 1% of men want to crush and steal from all other men, which hurts most women. But I try to keep that functional knowledge buried beneath a practical spirit of cooperation.

Or at least I used to. It's been a shiatty year for me, so I haven't really been focused on dating lately. I need to get back into my positive groove I had going.
2013-02-06 02:22:56 AM  
1 votes:

Tommy Moo: browntimmy: Guy they like being bold = sexy.
Guy they don't like being bold = creepy weirdo.
But no guy knows which one he is until after making the first move. (granted some guys are just plain creepy weirdos, but even then there's someone out there for almost everyone)

When you look at the fact that most guys won't be offended or creeped out by women flirting with them (unless they're just uncommonly disgusting), it would make the most sense and make everything easier for women to initiate things. But we all know that won't ever happen and the world making sense is way too much to ask.

Ok, here's a tip: Initiate the conversation, but don't initiate the "move" until she is giving you signals of attraction. Just talk neutrally about the environment or something she's holding or whatever. Then start talking about her and yourself. Find an excuse to bring up a few interesting things about yourself that convey that you have friends, interesting hobbies, ex-girlfriends (TRUST ME ON THIS! It's like an automatic "Ok. He's safe. Another woman dated him." switch.) Then look for the following: Is she facing you with her entire body instead of over her shoulder? If you drop the conversation, does she restart it? Does she touch any part of her face or hair more than once while listening to you? Does she tip her head forward while listening? Does she smile when you say something that isn't funny?

You get adept at it with experience. Since you haven't hit on her yet, you haven't risked anything. You can back away without being called a creeper.

Hey, Farkers, did you think this was good advice? If so, you just agreed with one of the "douchebag pickup artists" you all love to hate. See? It isn't all evil mind hacking. The vast majority of it is all about making her feel comfortable with the stance that she will be more attracted to you if you aren't desperately trying to invade her space with your own pathetic needs. There's way too much emphasis on "negging." The community mo ...


It's also hilarious that women complain about men trying to learn better techniques to meet women, when women's magazines are full of articles that are not only about how to get men, but how to coldly manipulate them to get what you want.
2013-02-06 02:22:26 AM  
1 votes:
"Lets not turn this rape into a murder"
2013-02-06 02:18:28 AM  
1 votes:

BarkingUnicorn: Genevieve Marie: AccuJack: If you think being seen as a "creeper" is bad, try being repeatedly friend zoned shortly after "hello".

Rejection is bad, being perceived as ruining a potential great friendship by wanting to actually *date* when that's what you had in mind from the start is really, really hard.

Seriously, I'm going to start acting like more of an asshole if it'll at least keep me from looking like someone who'd be a "really good friend".

The friend zone is not a thing. If you end up there, it's because the object of your affection thinks you are a nice person and enjoys your company but does not envision the two of you getting naked together.

The "friend zone" is for men a woman doesn't want to fark but who have other skills she thinks might come in handy someday.


And men who complain about being friend-zoned often have no interest in an actual friendship and just want to sleep with the woman.
2013-02-06 02:17:37 AM  
1 votes:

nelsonal: Which would be fine if creepy behavior was something besides flirting while being unattractive.


Came for the defensive men trying to blame it all on women.

Fark, you never fail to come through.
2013-02-06 02:11:02 AM  
1 votes:

TheBigJerk: So you told him "no" once, ONCE, and you were already creeped out. He checked one more time after the rejection, you told him no again and he threw a childish tantrum but then left you alone. Yes?


No, I told him no twice before I was creeped out. And bear in mind, he didn't ask me for my number- he got it through asking other people for it and he called me out of the blue. And this was someone I hadn't paid any more than polite hostess attention to in the first place.
2013-02-06 02:01:32 AM  
1 votes:
"Have you met Ted?"
2013-02-06 02:00:40 AM  
1 votes:
When I was single, I had one line that always worked at the bars:

*walk up to the girl*
"Hey, uh, you're kinda ugly."
*wait for exasperated response and then put up hands defensively*
"No, no, no. I LIKE that."


Slapped to laid ratio was about 50/50, so better than any other line out there.
2013-02-06 01:56:24 AM  
1 votes:

HotWingAgenda: Mock26: And, at some point she managed to slip a 50-dollar bill into my carry-on.

You whore.


I am not a whore!  I am certainly cheap and easy and will practically give it away, but I am not a whore!
2013-02-06 01:53:05 AM  
1 votes:

apoptotic: FTA: "don't tell her that she'd be prettier if she smiled. She knows what face she's making and doesn't want anyone telling her to change it."

I don't know what possesses people to say that, but I hear it enough that it's turned into a pet peeve of mine. If there's ever a thread about me going postal on someone, chances are good that'll be what triggered it.


That's one of my things too. I've straight up told several guys "I'm under no obligation to fake a smile for you, so no, fark off"
2013-02-06 01:36:02 AM  
1 votes:

Genevieve Marie: AccuJack: If you think being seen as a "creeper" is bad, try being repeatedly friend zoned shortly after "hello".

Rejection is bad, being perceived as ruining a potential great friendship by wanting to actually *date* when that's what you had in mind from the start is really, really hard.

Seriously, I'm going to start acting like more of an asshole if it'll at least keep me from looking like someone who'd be a "really good friend".

The friend zone is not a thing. If you end up there, it's because the object of your affection thinks you are a nice person and enjoys your company but does not envision the two of you getting naked together. That's not the end of the world. At some point, you will find someone that DOES think it would be fun to get naked with you.


Yep. Imagine a gal who has all of your interests and is a blast to hang out with, but you have no attraction to her. Zero. Zip. But she's into you! Do you owe it to her to date her? Even though the thought of kissing her makes you kind of queasy? She's put so much time into the friendship!
2013-02-06 01:31:49 AM  
1 votes:

The_Sponge: FTFA:
If You Sit Next to Her On a PlaneNope. Leave her alone. Unless we're on Rihanna's 777 plane or your voice holds the secret to making our Xanax kick in faster, we don't want to talk to you.


What kind of stupid blanket rule is this?  That being said, I have never tried getting somebody's number on a plane.

CSB:

Back in 2004 I was on a short flight from Phoenix to Vegas.  I had an aisle seat, this cute girl in the middle, and this douche was next to the window.  I left her alone, but Mr. Douche tried way too hard....like showing off his new Motorola RAZR phone, and mentioning how he had connections at a few clubs in Vegas.

I did my best not to laugh...especially when he thought that showing off his phone was going to work.

/He did not get her number.


I was in almost the same exact position, except I was sitting next to the window and the creep had the aisle seat.  At one point he got up to go to the bathroom and she turned her head so fast to face me that I thought I heard her neck snap!  She looked me right in the eyes and said, "I'll give you $50 to change seats with me.  Please!"  I actually did laugh at her comment, not at her, but in a friendly manner.  I quickly changed seats with her, told her to keep the $50, and when the guy got back he was shocked to see the woman he had been chatting up was "fast asleep," her head against the bulk head, with her jacket as a pillow.  I quietly explained to him that she told me she suffers from migraines and asked to switch seats with me so that she could try and take a nap. Not surprisingly the guy did not try to chat me up.  After the flight we shared a laugh after he had gone and we ended up sharing a cab from O'hare to the North side of Chicago. And we had a nice conversation.  I could tell that she was not interested in me in the least bit so I just talked to her and never asked her for her phone number.  I got out first and that was the last I ever saw of her.  And, at some point she managed to slip a 50-dollar bill into my carry-on.  I wish she had not done so, but since she did I treated myself to a nice bottle of scotch.
2013-02-06 01:29:25 AM  
1 votes:
That article can be boiled down to:

1.  Be handsome
2.  Be attractive
3.  Don't be unattractive
2013-02-06 01:27:15 AM  
1 votes:
That was much better than I expected. I do wish that more women would do the hard wink, it'd make things so much less stressful.
2013-02-06 01:25:06 AM  
1 votes:
www.avoiceformen.com
2013-02-06 01:21:43 AM  
1 votes:
I had a friend way back that reminded me of Howard from The Big Bang Theory. He was desperate and would hit on anything that was the opposite sex with the predictable results. He was big into showing off his watch and his shoes to the ladies. After being with him when security was called or when the b/f of his target would show up, I stopped associating with him. Years later I got a call out of the blue from him, he needed a character witness of some sort for a protection order hearing. I had to work that day and had no time off left to take. That's the last I heard from him.

//hearing wasactually on my day off, hehe
2013-02-06 01:15:29 AM  
1 votes:

feffer: Pick-up Artist.

[imgs.xkcd.com image 540x931]


Ah, yes. The perfect putdown by a woman -- written by a man, as the perfect compliment to a sociopath.
2013-02-06 01:05:22 AM  
1 votes:
FTFA:
If You Sit Next to Her On a PlaneNope. Leave her alone. Unless we're on Rihanna's 777 plane or your voice holds the secret to making our Xanax kick in faster, we don't want to talk to you.


What kind of stupid blanket rule is this?  That being said, I have never tried getting somebody's number on a plane.

CSB:

Back in 2004 I was on a short flight from Phoenix to Vegas.  I had an aisle seat, this cute girl in the middle, and this douche was next to the window.  I left her alone, but Mr. Douche tried way too hard....like showing off his new Motorola RAZR phone, and mentioning how he had connections at a few clubs in Vegas.

I did my best not to laugh...especially when he thought that showing off his phone was going to work.

/He did not get her number.
2013-02-06 01:03:52 AM  
1 votes:

DeadGeek: I had a friend whose entire game was keeping copies of his ATM receipts on him from right after his paycheck was deposited. He'd then meet girls at bars and give them his number with the line "this is really tacky, but it's the only piece of paper I have".

/he had a 75% success rate
//and a 6 figure income


how much did he keep in his friggin bank account?


what are you, an immigrant?
www.nbc.com
2013-02-06 01:03:33 AM  
1 votes:

BSABSVR: I'd think that "be polite and don't invade people's space" would be complete no-brainer advice.  Then I remember there's a thread just below where people don't understand that dog shiat on the porch isn't a stand your ground situation.


I have a friend who's routinely posting on Facebook about how women don't like nice guys. He's also the same guy who's one of those really huggy people where I had to put my foot down and make it really clear that I don't like people touching me. Instead of picking up on body language, when people recoiled he'd try to be extra huggy.
2013-02-06 01:00:20 AM  
1 votes:

Seth'n'Spectrum: feffer: I would think you were 1) gay and an asshole or 2) negging me and thus a PUA asshole.

PUA = Philistine: Uncouth, Aggressive?

Once again, Fark advice proves to be counter-productive and only good for self-sabotage. But, hey, would we want it any other way?


Pick Up Artist. A truly weird culture of really creepy people.
2013-02-06 12:59:21 AM  
1 votes:

Seth'n'Spectrum: Some farker once said in a thread that the best way to get women to talk to you at a bar is to audibly mutter, "That dress with those shoes?" as they walk by.


I always liked "buy me a drink and I will allow you to swoon at my booted feet" better myself. Whether the reaction is positive or negative, its always amusing, and lets face it, classier than "want to go halfsies on a baby?"
2013-02-06 12:58:31 AM  
1 votes:

feffer: I would think you were 1) gay and an asshole or 2) negging me and thus a PUA asshole.


PUA = Philistine: Uncouth, Aggressive?

Once again, Fark advice proves to be counter-productive and only good for self-sabotage. But, hey, would we want it any other way?
2013-02-06 12:53:35 AM  
1 votes:
I'd think that "be polite and don't invade people's space" would be complete no-brainer advice.  Then I remember there's a thread just below where people don't understand that dog shiat on the porch isn't a stand your ground situation.
2013-02-06 12:53:15 AM  
1 votes:
The Dobler/Dahmer theory?
2013-02-06 12:47:14 AM  
1 votes:

fusillade762: Complimenting shoes and eyeglasses are usually safe, in my experience.

That's all I got.


Some farker once said in a thread that the best way to get women to talk to you at a bar is to audibly mutter, "That dress with those shoes?" as they walk by.

/I have not tried this yet
//still working on the basic flirtation techniques
 
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