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(Jezebel)   The best advice some people will never learn: "If women keep responding to you like you're some weirdo creeper, then chances are that you're acting like a weirdo creeper"   (jezebel.com) divider line 635
    More: Interesting, sex predator, p.f. chang, Amy Pond  
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10606 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Feb 2013 at 12:45 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-06 12:04:38 PM

yapopo: never listen to a woman's advice on women.  seriously.  they are the worst.




forward.com
Proud.
 
2013-02-06 12:06:14 PM
I just want to throw out a quick anecdote into the whole "Be attractive, don't be unattractive" these threads always have. I'll admit, most of my boyfriends have been very physically attractive men, though their personality needs to be attractive as well.

One of my longer term boyfriends was the most attractive man, still is, I have ever been around... and it has NOTHING to do with his looks. In all honesty, he's physically, well... ugly. 6'4", 170 pounds, prematurely balding ginger, bad under-bite, thick glasses, a never ending stutter, and a bulbous nose that looked like it had been broken six times. But the way he carries himself, who he is, everything about him is unendingly attractive. I mean, goddamn, just beautiful. Even my sisters and girlfriends would comment about how he just attracts you to him like moths to a flame.

There's my CSS, take what you will.
 
2013-02-06 12:21:53 PM

gulogulo: yapopo: never listen to a woman's advice on women. seriously. they are the worst.

Right. Because only men know what I want. Please tell me again what I want, I'm just too feeble minded to figure it out for myself.


You want an argument.
 
2013-02-06 12:22:39 PM

gulogulo: yapopo: never listen to a woman's advice on women. seriously. they are the worst.

Right. Because only men know what I want. Please tell me again what I want, I'm just too feeble minded to figure it out for myself.


say what you want, miss sarcasmo.  i'm going by a lifetime of experience.
 
2013-02-06 12:24:12 PM
Guys, once you have a good grasp of basic social etiquette, including reading the cues and knowing when to back off, then banish the word "creeper" from your mind.

This word is just over-used and misapplied so much.  Frankly, it tends to be the only tool in a woman's toolbox for ending and/or writing off any social situation in which she was not completely satisfied by the outcome, regardless of whether that had anything to do with your behavior.

I'll never forget when I was in college, I asked a woman out, and she said "we should just be friends."  Now, I could have said "Ok", and dealt with that as it came, but I owned a van at the time, and so like clockwork, that kind of "friend" always seemed to call up around the end of spring semester, asking if I would help her move.  On top of that, I just didn't find her terribly interesting to talk to on a platonic level.

So, I decided to be honest and soften it to "I appreciate that, but I have not had good luck being friends with women I'm attracted to."  She looked a little taken aback, but she hugged me and we went on our separate ways.  A couple days later this story gets back to me from a friend of a friend with the addendum, "she thought that was totally creepy."

The fact is what I said and did was honest and polite, she didn't get what she wanted out of the situation, and calling me "creepy" was the only way she knew of to blame me for her hard feelings over the situation.  I saw her a couple of times after that, I was cordial as I didn't feel I had anything to be ashamed of, but she was always really awkward and you could tell she was embarrassed every time we saw each other.
 
2013-02-06 12:24:58 PM

yapopo: gulogulo: yapopo: never listen to a woman's advice on women. seriously. they are the worst.

Right. Because only men know what I want. Please tell me again what I want, I'm just too feeble minded to figure it out for myself.

say what you want, miss sarcasmo.  i'm going by a lifetime of experience.


Sorry you had such crappy life experiences. You might fail to realize it's only your experience, not universal (which perhaps means the problem is you).
 
2013-02-06 12:32:03 PM

gulogulo: yapopo: gulogulo: yapopo: never listen to a woman's advice on women. seriously. they are the worst.

Right. Because only men know what I want. Please tell me again what I want, I'm just too feeble minded to figure it out for myself.

say what you want, miss sarcasmo.  i'm going by a lifetime of experience.

Sorry you had such crappy life experiences. You might fail to realize it's only your experience, not universal (which perhaps means the problem is you).


yeah yeah it's not universal.  nothing's universal except math.  but you might fail to realize it's not only my experience.  are you a lesbian?  if not, then i'm positive i've dated more women than you have.  anyway, my advice is not for you.  it's for the guys.

i don't know how to respond to your random accusation of "crappy life experiences".  how about NO YOU!
 
2013-02-06 12:32:04 PM

udhq: Guys, once you have a good grasp of basic social etiquette, including reading the cues and knowing when to back off, then banish the word "creeper" from your mind.

This word is just over-used and misapplied so much.  Frankly, it tends to be the only tool in a woman's toolbox for ending and/or writing off any social situation in which she was not completely satisfied by the outcome, regardless of whether that had anything to do with your behavior.

I'll never forget when I was in college, I asked a woman out, and she said "we should just be friends."  Now, I could have said "Ok", and dealt with that as it came, but I owned a van at the time, and so like clockwork, that kind of "friend" always seemed to call up around the end of spring semester, asking if I would help her move.  On top of that, I just didn't find her terribly interesting to talk to on a platonic level.

So, I decided to be honest and soften it to "I appreciate that, but I have not had good luck being friends with women I'm attracted to."  She looked a little taken aback, but she hugged me and we went on our separate ways.  A couple days later this story gets back to me from a friend of a friend with the addendum, "she thought that was totally creepy."

The fact is what I said and did was honest and polite, she didn't get what she wanted out of the situation, and calling me "creepy" was the only way she knew of to blame me for her hard feelings over the situation.  I saw her a couple of times after that, I was cordial as I didn't feel I had anything to be ashamed of, but she was always really awkward and you could tell she was embarrassed every time we saw each other.


So..why were you friends with someone that only contacted you to help her move that you had no interest in on any other level other than dating? It sounds like you were pretty dishonest with the college friend about "being friends." You didn't like her personality to begin with hence the "not interesting on a platonic level."
 
2013-02-06 12:33:37 PM

yapopo: if not, then i'm positive i've dated more women than you have. anyway, my advice is not for you. it's for the guys.


True. By volume you may have. But being that you remain constant in this, it is likely that your 'sample size' is neither random nor large enough to draw the conclusion you did.
 
2013-02-06 12:35:13 PM

yapopo: never listen to a woman's advice on women.  seriously.  they are the worst.


I'm personally of the opinion that neither being male nor being female is any real barrier to being an "expert" on how women's minds work.  Or how men's minds work, for that matter.

I'm also fond of the idea that the differences between men and women are largely cultural (though there is some real debate on how much of it is nature and how much is nurture). Which means that, if you want to understand how and why women are different from men, a good approach is to look at it anthropologically.
 
2013-02-06 12:36:02 PM

udhq: I'll never forget when I was in college, I asked a woman out, and she said "we should just be friends."  Now, I could have said "Ok", and dealt with that as it came, but I owned a van at the time, and so like clockwork, that kind of "friend" always seemed to call up around the end of spring semester, asking if I would help her move.  On top of that, I just didn't find her terribly interesting to talk to on a platonic level.

So, I decided to be honest and soften it to "I appreciate that, but I have not had good luck being friends with women I'm attracted to."  She looked a little taken aback, but she hugged me and we went on our separate ways.  A couple days later this story gets back to me from a friend of a friend with the addendum, "she thought that was totally creepy."

The fact is what I said and did was honest and polite, she didn't get what she wanted out of the situation, and calling me "creepy" was the only way she knew of to blame me for her hard feelings over the situation.  I saw her a couple of times after that, I was cordial as I didn't feel I had anything to be ashamed of, but she was always really awkward and you could tell she was embarrassed every time we saw each other.


... Uh, huh. Let's reexamine this for a second:
I asked a woman out... I just didn't find her terribly interesting to talk to on a platonic level.
The fact is, you're creepy, and she picked up on that.
 
2013-02-06 12:36:51 PM

gulogulo: yapopo: if not, then i'm positive i've dated more women than you have. anyway, my advice is not for you. it's for the guys.

True. By volume you may have. But being that you remain constant in this, it is likely that your 'sample size' is neither random nor large enough to draw the conclusion you did.


what do you mean?  you're assuming that my dating experiences have been few/bad?  not sure where you're coming from.
 
2013-02-06 12:38:59 PM

yapopo: gulogulo: yapopo: if not, then i'm positive i've dated more women than you have. anyway, my advice is not for you. it's for the guys.

True. By volume you may have. But being that you remain constant in this, it is likely that your 'sample size' is neither random nor large enough to draw the conclusion you did.

what do you mean?  you're assuming that my dating experiences have been few/bad?  not sure where you're coming from.


Unless your dating experience is numbering into at least 5 digits, with a distribution across the entire US, then you probably shouldn't be attempting to speak for all women.
 
2013-02-06 12:39:31 PM

yapopo: gulogulo: yapopo: if not, then i'm positive i've dated more women than you have. anyway, my advice is not for you. it's for the guys.

True. By volume you may have. But being that you remain constant in this, it is likely that your 'sample size' is neither random nor large enough to draw the conclusion you did.

what do you mean?  you're assuming that my dating experiences have been few/bad?  not sure where you're coming from.


oh i see what you mean.  well ok, i guess if you require a sample size of hundreds or millions then you'd be right.  i don't think a sample size that large is necessary to draw my conclusions.
 
2013-02-06 12:40:16 PM

Theaetetus: yapopo: gulogulo: yapopo: if not, then i'm positive i've dated more women than you have. anyway, my advice is not for you. it's for the guys.

True. By volume you may have. But being that you remain constant in this, it is likely that your 'sample size' is neither random nor large enough to draw the conclusion you did.

what do you mean?  you're assuming that my dating experiences have been few/bad?  not sure where you're coming from.

Unless your dating experience is numbering into at least 5 digits, with a distribution across the entire US, then you probably shouldn't be attempting to speak for all women.


i'm not speaking for all women.  i'm speaking to all men.
 
2013-02-06 12:40:40 PM
gulogulo:
So..why were you friends with someone that only contacted you to help her move that you had no interest in on any other level other than dating? It sounds like you were pretty dishonest with the college friend about "being friends." "

Um, he said he first asked her out, that's a pretty honest indicator that he'd like to be more than friends.
 
2013-02-06 12:44:37 PM

yapopo: gulogulo: yapopo: never listen to a woman's advice on women. seriously. they are the worst.

Right. Because only men know what I want. Please tell me again what I want, I'm just too feeble minded to figure it out for myself.

say what you want, miss sarcasmo.  i'm going by a lifetime of experience.



I'm pretty sure that everyone in this thread is going by a lifetime of experience.
 
2013-02-06 12:48:21 PM

Theaetetus: udhq: I'll never forget when I was in college, I asked a woman out, and she said "we should just be friends."  Now, I could have said "Ok", and dealt with that as it came, but I owned a van at the time, and so like clockwork, that kind of "friend" always seemed to call up around the end of spring semester, asking if I would help her move.  On top of that, I just didn't find her terribly interesting to talk to on a platonic level.

So, I decided to be honest and soften it to "I appreciate that, but I have not had good luck being friends with women I'm attracted to."  She looked a little taken aback, but she hugged me and we went on our separate ways.  A couple days later this story gets back to me from a friend of a friend with the addendum, "she thought that was totally creepy."

The fact is what I said and did was honest and polite, she didn't get what she wanted out of the situation, and calling me "creepy" was the only way she knew of to blame me for her hard feelings over the situation.  I saw her a couple of times after that, I was cordial as I didn't feel I had anything to be ashamed of, but she was always really awkward and you could tell she was embarrassed every time we saw each other.

... Uh, huh. Let's reexamine this for a second:
I asked a woman out... I just didn't find her terribly interesting to talk to on a platonic level.
The fact is, you're creepy, and she picked up on that.


So, not finding someone interesting to talk to is creepy now?

Does that mean that women who brush guys off are creepy, too?
 
2013-02-06 12:49:36 PM

ciberido: yapopo: gulogulo: yapopo: never listen to a woman's advice on women. seriously. they are the worst.

Right. Because only men know what I want. Please tell me again what I want, I'm just too feeble minded to figure it out for myself.

say what you want, miss sarcasmo.  i'm going by a lifetime of experience.


I'm pretty sure that everyone in this thread is going by a lifetime of experience.


i don't deny that.  we're all speaking for ourselves here.  i'm telling you what i've learned.  it's not god's word or anything, obviously.
 
2013-02-06 12:50:03 PM

gulogulo: yapopo: gulogulo: yapopo: never listen to a woman's advice on women. seriously. they are the worst.

Right. Because only men know what I want. Please tell me again what I want, I'm just too feeble minded to figure it out for myself.

say what you want, miss sarcasmo.  i'm going by a lifetime of experience.

Sorry you had such crappy life experiences. You might fail to realize it's only your experience, not universal (which perhaps means the problem is you).



Men have the luxury of thousands of years refining the idea of what makes them happy. Women have only had the opportunity to truly pursue their own happiness for a hundred odd years now. You guys are still figuring it out. Asking women for advice on women is like asking someone whose just moved to Manhattan from Nebraska where the best place to get a bagel is.


Since I already know what makes me happy, my job is to do that and if it makes my woman happy, great. If not, godspeed in your search lady.
 
2013-02-06 12:53:34 PM

FirstNationalBastard: Theaetetus: udhq: I'll never forget when I was in college, I asked a woman out, and she said "we should just be friends."  Now, I could have said "Ok", and dealt with that as it came, but I owned a van at the time, and so like clockwork, that kind of "friend" always seemed to call up around the end of spring semester, asking if I would help her move.  On top of that, I just didn't find her terribly interesting to talk to on a platonic level.

So, I decided to be honest and soften it to "I appreciate that, but I have not had good luck being friends with women I'm attracted to."  She looked a little taken aback, but she hugged me and we went on our separate ways.  A couple days later this story gets back to me from a friend of a friend with the addendum, "she thought that was totally creepy."

The fact is what I said and did was honest and polite, she didn't get what she wanted out of the situation, and calling me "creepy" was the only way she knew of to blame me for her hard feelings over the situation.  I saw her a couple of times after that, I was cordial as I didn't feel I had anything to be ashamed of, but she was always really awkward and you could tell she was embarrassed every time we saw each other.

... Uh, huh. Let's reexamine this for a second:
I asked a woman out... I just didn't find her terribly interesting to talk to on a platonic level.
The fact is, you're creepy, and she picked up on that.

So, not finding someone interesting to talk to is creepy now?

Does that mean that women who brush guys off are creepy, too?


Amazing how you missed the entire first half of that quote. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess you're creepy too.
 
2013-02-06 12:54:23 PM

gulogulo: So..why were you friends with someone that only contacted you to help her move that you had no interest in on any other level other than dating? It sounds like you were pretty dishonest with the college friend about "being friends." You didn't like her personality to begin with hence the "not interesting on a platonic level."


The point is I was never really "friends" with those women.  Saying "let's just be friends" is often not literal.  It's a graceful way out of a delicate social situation.

I never hung out with those women, I never spoke to them.  They wouldn't have called me a "friend", they just saw a situation where this guy who once asked me out owns a van, and I'm going to try and take advantage of him.
 
2013-02-06 12:55:10 PM

Theaetetus: FirstNationalBastard: Theaetetus: udhq: I'll never forget when I was in college, I asked a woman out, and she said "we should just be friends."  Now, I could have said "Ok", and dealt with that as it came, but I owned a van at the time, and so like clockwork, that kind of "friend" always seemed to call up around the end of spring semester, asking if I would help her move.  On top of that, I just didn't find her terribly interesting to talk to on a platonic level.

So, I decided to be honest and soften it to "I appreciate that, but I have not had good luck being friends with women I'm attracted to."  She looked a little taken aback, but she hugged me and we went on our separate ways.  A couple days later this story gets back to me from a friend of a friend with the addendum, "she thought that was totally creepy."

The fact is what I said and did was honest and polite, she didn't get what she wanted out of the situation, and calling me "creepy" was the only way she knew of to blame me for her hard feelings over the situation.  I saw her a couple of times after that, I was cordial as I didn't feel I had anything to be ashamed of, but she was always really awkward and you could tell she was embarrassed every time we saw each other.

... Uh, huh. Let's reexamine this for a second:
I asked a woman out... I just didn't find her terribly interesting to talk to on a platonic level.
The fact is, you're creepy, and she picked up on that.

So, not finding someone interesting to talk to is creepy now?

Does that mean that women who brush guys off are creepy, too?

Amazing how you missed the entire first half of that quote. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess you're creepy too.


And I'm going to guess you're either an entitled broad or a guy white knighting all of womankind.
 
2013-02-06 12:59:00 PM

FirstNationalBastard: Theaetetus: FirstNationalBastard: Theaetetus: udhq: I'll never forget when I was in college, I asked a woman out, and she said "we should just be friends."  Now, I could have said "Ok", and dealt with that as it came, but I owned a van at the time, and so like clockwork, that kind of "friend" always seemed to call up around the end of spring semester, asking if I would help her move.  On top of that, I just didn't find her terribly interesting to talk to on a platonic level.

So, I decided to be honest and soften it to "I appreciate that, but I have not had good luck being friends with women I'm attracted to."  She looked a little taken aback, but she hugged me and we went on our separate ways.  A couple days later this story gets back to me from a friend of a friend with the addendum, "she thought that was totally creepy."

The fact is what I said and did was honest and polite, she didn't get what she wanted out of the situation, and calling me "creepy" was the only way she knew of to blame me for her hard feelings over the situation.  I saw her a couple of times after that, I was cordial as I didn't feel I had anything to be ashamed of, but she was always really awkward and you could tell she was embarrassed every time we saw each other.

... Uh, huh. Let's reexamine this for a second:
I asked a woman out... I just didn't find her terribly interesting to talk to on a platonic level.
The fact is, you're creepy, and she picked up on that.

So, not finding someone interesting to talk to is creepy now?

Does that mean that women who brush guys off are creepy, too?

Amazing how you missed the entire first half of that quote. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess you're creepy too.

And I'm going to guess you're either an entitled broad or a guy white knighting all of womankind.


The fact that you can't or won't bother to tell the difference is enlightening.
 
2013-02-06 01:00:16 PM

udhq: I never hung out with those women, I never spoke to them.


You also didn't find this girl interesting to talk to... so why ask her out?
 
2013-02-06 01:01:34 PM

Coelacanth Filet: Men, if you never listen to anything I say ever again, hear this: these feminist articles about the rules of approaching women are made strictly to inhibit men with low sexual market value, because they're the only ones who would even consider taking this advice to heart. The most confident (and therefore desirable) men don't play by the rules.

Don't believe me? Read the erotic fan fiction that women write and see for yourself what turns them on. Sure, they don't want YOU taking their headphones off on the subway, but if George Clooney did that it would result in a vaginal flood of Biblical proportions.


If you can't differentiate between fantasy and reality to the point where you're trying to act out porn with random women, you should seek medical help.
 
2013-02-06 01:02:50 PM

gulogulo: If you want to have me have a peek at it, I'd be happy to. EIP.


I may take you up on that after I get home. Thanks.

nickerj1: Your objective should be: "Find guys and girls to have fun with and be friends with"
By virtue of doing that, you'll eventually come across a girl that's attracted to you.


I completely agree. That's been my plan from the start.

This summer I'm going to put far more effort into doing just that. Until the summer I'm working on myself. I'm not a completely miserable sad-sack, but I have a couple of things that I want to change. The events of 2 years ago was devastating to me. During that one of my self medications was food. Right now I'm losing weight and aiming to get into the best shape of my life. I started at 196 lbs and I'm currently at 165 lbs. I'm also taking up a couple of hobbies that I've been wanting to do for years. Part of which is learning the guitar and piano. I'm restoring a classic motorcycle and this spring I plan to buy a car that I've been eyeing for a few years now. As a back-burner type of thing I'm slowly re-picking up learning a second language.

Right now I want to focus on improving and being happier with myself. After that my goal is to get my ass out there and meet new friends. The things that happened in the last couple of years left my without anyone close. I had some friends and I had a social circle of sorts. That was one of the things that I lost. After I'm healthier and happier I'm going to figure something out to get me "out there". I'm thinking about attending the local community college and taking a few courses for fun. That should also give me access to some other social activities. Beyond that, I don't have any ideas lined up just yet.

So, I do plan on trying to find friends first. After that I'll let whatever happens, happen. Like I said initially in here, I really need to get to know someone before an attraction stronger than a passing fancy or lust can grow. Matters of the heart aren't ones that I have any attention of trying to force.

The sound of one hand clapping: Anyways, hope you have more luck and that you can work it out.


Appreciated, good sir.
 
2013-02-06 01:03:59 PM

Theaetetus: FirstNationalBastard: Theaetetus: FirstNationalBastard: Theaetetus: udhq: I'll never forget when I was in college, I asked a woman out, and she said "we should just be friends."  Now, I could have said "Ok", and dealt with that as it came, but I owned a van at the time, and so like clockwork, that kind of "friend" always seemed to call up around the end of spring semester, asking if I would help her move.  On top of that, I just didn't find her terribly interesting to talk to on a platonic level.

So, I decided to be honest and soften it to "I appreciate that, but I have not had good luck being friends with women I'm attracted to."  She looked a little taken aback, but she hugged me and we went on our separate ways.  A couple days later this story gets back to me from a friend of a friend with the addendum, "she thought that was totally creepy."

The fact is what I said and did was honest and polite, she didn't get what she wanted out of the situation, and calling me "creepy" was the only way she knew of to blame me for her hard feelings over the situation.  I saw her a couple of times after that, I was cordial as I didn't feel I had anything to be ashamed of, but she was always really awkward and you could tell she was embarrassed every time we saw each other.

... Uh, huh. Let's reexamine this for a second:
I asked a woman out... I just didn't find her terribly interesting to talk to on a platonic level.
The fact is, you're creepy, and she picked up on that.

So, not finding someone interesting to talk to is creepy now?

Does that mean that women who brush guys off are creepy, too?

Amazing how you missed the entire first half of that quote. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess you're creepy too.

And I'm going to guess you're either an entitled broad or a guy white knighting all of womankind.

The fact that you can't or won't bother to tell the difference is enlightening.


Mmm-hmm.

Asked a woman out, didn't really find them interesting to talk to.

Your point?

Maybe the man hoped the date would end in sex. And what, exactly, is wrong with that?

Are you now going to tell me that precious, holy womynkind doesn't go for a good old fashioned booty call every now and then?
 
2013-02-06 01:04:47 PM

Theaetetus: ... Uh, huh. Let's reexamine this for a second:
I asked a woman out... I just didn't find her terribly interesting to talk to on a platonic level.
The fact is, you're creepy, and she picked up on that.


You do realize that there is a distinction between platonic relationships and romantic ones, right?  That they aren't the same?

I have dated dozens of women who I would never consider calling up just to talk or hang out.  Conversely, I have hundreds of people I would consider platonic friends that I would never consider dating.  They're two different kinds of relationships, and a person can, in fact, pique one kind of interest and not the other.

But thanks for proving my point that "creepy" is just the female version of "biatch", an essentially meaningless, demeaning gender-loaded catch-all that is used solely in these impotent attempts to claim unearned power or status in social situations.
 
2013-02-06 01:05:36 PM

Theaetetus: No two situations are EXACTLY alike. Therefore, a solution that works for one situation would never work, and should never, ever be attempted in a different, but similar situation. Got it.

I had sex with my wife. It was great. I'm going to have sex with your wife. If she has any questions, I'll just show her this thread as your tacit approval.


That's not a similar situation. Having sex with another person's wife is not similar to having sex with one's own wife.

But if you have sex with yours, I can have sex with mine. That is a similar situation.

And if Joe flirts a certain way with a woman and gets laid, then Bob should be able to flirt that way with a woman and get laid, too. Similar.
 
2013-02-06 01:07:18 PM

FirstNationalBastard: Theaetetus: FirstNationalBastard: Theaetetus: FirstNationalBastard: Theaetetus: udhq: I'll never forget when I was in college, I asked a woman out, and she said "we should just be friends."  Now, I could have said "Ok", and dealt with that as it came, but I owned a van at the time, and so like clockwork, that kind of "friend" always seemed to call up around the end of spring semester, asking if I would help her move.  On top of that, I just didn't find her terribly interesting to talk to on a platonic level.

So, I decided to be honest and soften it to "I appreciate that, but I have not had good luck being friends with women I'm attracted to."  She looked a little taken aback, but she hugged me and we went on our separate ways.  A couple days later this story gets back to me from a friend of a friend with the addendum, "she thought that was totally creepy."

The fact is what I said and did was honest and polite, she didn't get what she wanted out of the situation, and calling me "creepy" was the only way she knew of to blame me for her hard feelings over the situation.  I saw her a couple of times after that, I was cordial as I didn't feel I had anything to be ashamed of, but she was always really awkward and you could tell she was embarrassed every time we saw each other.

... Uh, huh. Let's reexamine this for a second:
I asked a woman out... I just didn't find her terribly interesting to talk to on a platonic level.
The fact is, you're creepy, and she picked up on that.

So, not finding someone interesting to talk to is creepy now?

Does that mean that women who brush guys off are creepy, too?

Amazing how you missed the entire first half of that quote. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess you're creepy too.

And I'm going to guess you're either an entitled broad or a guy white knighting all of womankind.

The fact that you can't or won't bother to tell the difference is enlightening.

Mmm-hmm.

Asked a woman out, didn't really find them interesting to talk to. ...


It's a little creepy to ask someone that you don't talk to and don't find interesting for sex. And quite creepy to say, when they try to politely turn you down, that you don't have any interest in them other than sex.

Note that I didn't say "dishonest". But yes, creepy.
 
2013-02-06 01:08:28 PM

FirstNationalBastard: Maybe the man hoped the date would end in sex. And what, exactly, is wrong with that?

Are you now going to tell me that precious, holy womynkind doesn't go for a good old fashioned booty call every now and then?


Sometimes. Sometimes they don't, where in advances like that come across as disingenuous and creepy. I can tell when I guy really isn't interested in getting to know me, no matter how hard he might be trying to pretend he does. It's that. If you are trying to put forward that you're interested in a relationship when you're only interested in sex, THAT is creepy and manipulative. If you are only interested in sex be pretty forthright about that.
 
2013-02-06 01:08:49 PM
gulogulo:

If you want to have me have a peek at it, I'd be happy to. EIP.

I see no E in the P. My E is in my P (I should see a doctor about that), so feel free to send the first one if you'd rather not go public.
 
2013-02-06 01:08:51 PM

fredklein: Theaetetus: No two situations are EXACTLY alike. Therefore, a solution that works for one situation would never work, and should never, ever be attempted in a different, but similar situation. Got it.

I had sex with my wife. It was great. I'm going to have sex with your wife. If she has any questions, I'll just show her this thread as your tacit approval.

That's not a similar situation. Having sex with another person's wife is not similar to having sex with one's own wife.

But if you have sex with yours, I can have sex with mine. That is a similar situation.

And if Joe flirts a certain way with a woman and gets laid, then Bob should be able to flirt that way with a woman and get laid, too. Similar.


So, when a man's ownership is involved, it's a different situation, but otherwise single women are all identical?
 
2013-02-06 01:09:00 PM

udhq: I never hung out with those women, I never spoke to them. They wouldn't have called me a "friend", they just saw a situation where this guy who once asked me out owns a van, and I'm going to try and take advantage of him.



Reminds me of this time in junior college where I was "friends" with this gorgeous high school senior who was in the running start program. I worked at a sporting goods store at the time and for some reason I'll never understand, tried to impress her by telling her I could get expensive work out clothes for next to nothing. I couldn't, and ended up secretly spending hundreds of dollars getting her and her gorgeous friends outfitted with the latest super-tight running shorts and sports bras and whatnot.


Not only did this investment yield me ZERO punanny, but I never even got to see a single piece of it on any of them. Taught me a valuable lesson about being friends with women I wanted to date.
 
2013-02-06 01:09:56 PM

udhq: Theaetetus: ... Uh, huh. Let's reexamine this for a second:
I asked a woman out... I just didn't find her terribly interesting to talk to on a platonic level.
The fact is, you're creepy, and she picked up on that.

You do realize that there is a distinction between platonic relationships and romantic ones, right?  That they aren't the same?

I have dated dozens of women who I would never consider calling up just to talk or hang out.  Conversely, I have hundreds of people I would consider platonic friends that I would never consider dating.  They're two different kinds of relationships, and a person can, in fact, pique one kind of interest and not the other.

But thanks for proving my point that "creepy" is just the female version of "biatch", an essentially meaningless, demeaning gender-loaded catch-all that is used solely in these impotent attempts to claim unearned power or status in social situations.


You have anger issues, too. Probably feeds into the creepiness.
 
2013-02-06 01:10:17 PM

Theaetetus: It's a little creepy to ask someone that you don't talk to and don't find interesting for sex. And quite creepy to say, when they try to politely turn you down, that you don't have any interest in them other than sex.

Note that I didn't say "dishonest". But yes, creepy.


I'll just refer you to this post...

udhq: Theaetetus: ... Uh, huh. Let's reexamine this for a second:
I asked a woman out... I just didn't find her terribly interesting to talk to on a platonic level.
The fact is, you're creepy, and she picked up on that.

You do realize that there is a distinction between platonic relationships and romantic ones, right?  That they aren't the same?

I have dated dozens of women who I would never consider calling up just to talk or hang out.  Conversely, I have hundreds of people I would consider platonic friends that I would never consider dating.  They're two different kinds of relationships, and a person can, in fact, pique one kind of interest and not the other.


Not every relationship is created equal.
 
2013-02-06 01:10:51 PM

Theaetetus: udhq: I never hung out with those women, I never spoke to them.

You also didn't find this girl interesting to talk to... so why ask her out?


I probably phrased that poorly, but what I meant was this woman wasn't particularly intelligent or curious, and that's fine, that is just one aspect of personality.

Some of my most rewarding relationships have been with women who were genuinely good and kind people, but who never went to college.  There doesn't even necessarily need to be a power-imbalance.
 
2013-02-06 01:11:03 PM

Magnanimous_J: Taught me a valuable lesson about being friends with women I wanted to date.


Is the lesson "actually be friends with them, rather than pretend to be their friend so you can nail them"?
 
2013-02-06 01:11:12 PM

Mister Pleco: 1) Half the liquid is in the glass.


The glass is full- half is filled with liquid, half is filled with air.

2) The grapes ARE sour.

Well they will be by the time I can reach them. :-)

3) If you don't like lemonade, then you needn't worry about what to do when being handed lemons.

I always hated that phrase: "If life gives you lemons, make lemonade." It's stupid- to make lemonade, I would also need sugar, water, a pitcher, and a spoon to stir it with. And maybe some wood to make a lemonade stand, and poster-board to make a sign 'Lemonade $1', and cups to serve it in. Just lemons by themselves are farking useless.

4) Winners never quit and quitters never win, but those that never win and never quit are idiots.

The only winning move is not to play.
 
2013-02-06 01:11:25 PM
Seems like both in the article and in this thread that there's this baseline assumption that when a man talks to a woman for any length of time he's only interested in nailing her, preferably on the same day.  As blatantly sexist as that view may be, I find this virulent little concept has imbedded itself into Western culture.  It especially bothers me when intelligent or intellectual people make this assumption because they ought to know better but they've fallen into the trap of thinking they are too intellectual to be sexist.

This of course ties into rule no. 1.  If dude that looks like Brad Pitt starts chatting up a chick, it's assumed that he's trying to nail her but it's OK because he is sooooo cute.  He can pretty much say or do all kinds of fark up shiat because she wants to nail him too (double standard anyone?).  However if the dude is slightly less attractive, socially awkward, not metrosexual enough, etc., it's still assumed that he's trying to nail her, even if he just wants to chat her up about music or something.  And since no sensible girl would be interested in such a boorish subhuman then how dare he even speak to her since it's ~obvious~ that he wants nothing more than to tie her up, throw her into a van with no windows, and sell her into slavery.

The "thinking" seems to be conversation =  interest, interest = interest in casual sex, interest in casual sex = Ed Gein.

Understand I'm not talking about genuine creeps like the guys who send pee pee shots to every girl on OK Cupid, or guys that just start throwing random pickup lines at someone who's clearly not interested.  Ladies, I feel your pain and I think I speak for all the reasonable men in the world when I say you have our explicit blessing to kick these boys in the nuts.

Now I'm not a bad looking bloke and when I run my mouth I at least try to be entertaining and not just drone on about WoW or some tripe.  But I'm bigger and a little heavier than average (bigger than Jack Black but not as big as Chris Christie) and tend to wear Megadeth t-shirts as opposed to Armani suits.  I'll never be a pickup artist but I'm certainly not an uggo (I officially hate that word).  The way it was explained to me by a much wiser friend in the same predicament was this:  while we aren't bad looking or socially inept, we're the guy who's police sketch is seen on the news whenever a rapist or socialite-molester is on the loose.  Nothing we can say or do can change that.

Which brings me to the part that really grinds my gears:

We're not being paranoid or defensive when we don't want to talk to you. We're remembering the time just yesterday when someone literally rubbed their naked dick on us.

So, not only are we up against the sexist assumption that just because we like you and want to talk to you, that we only want instant, borderline non-consensual sex.  Not only do we have to deal with your spurious logic that sexual interest equals sexual predation based on the fact that we're not all Brad Pitt.  But we have do deal with that nonsense because of what some other schlub that we don't even know did to you when we weren't even there.  Yes, you are being paranoid and defensive.  I'm sorry that this happened to you, just the idea makes my skin crawl, but don't blame someone else for that shiat just because he wants to chat you up.

It's a simple equation...the guy that rubbed his dick on you is wrong.  The guy that wants to chat you up and ask you out is doing it right, even if he's not very good at it. You don't have to chat him up but don't criminalize him for his interest when he didn't do anything wrong.  It's called "innocent until proven guilty" and if you respond that way often enough then the good guys, the guys you really want to date, are going to get the message and stay away.  What you are left with is the creepers which you still have to fend off, followed by the con pickup artists who know how to manipulate you until you are left heartbroken and wondering why you always have such bad taste in men.
 
2013-02-06 01:12:05 PM

FirstNationalBastard: Theaetetus: It's a little creepy to ask someone that you don't talk to and don't find interesting for sex. And quite creepy to say, when they try to politely turn you down, that you don't have any interest in them other than sex.

Note that I didn't say "dishonest". But yes, creepy.

I'll just refer you to this post...

udhq: Theaetetus: ... Uh, huh. Let's reexamine this for a second:
I asked a woman out... I just didn't find her terribly interesting to talk to on a platonic level.
The fact is, you're creepy, and she picked up on that.

You do realize that there is a distinction between platonic relationships and romantic ones, right?  That they aren't the same?

I have dated dozens of women who I would never consider calling up just to talk or hang out.  Conversely, I have hundreds of people I would consider platonic friends that I would never consider dating.  They're two different kinds of relationships, and a person can, in fact, pique one kind of interest and not the other.

Not every relationship is created equal.


No, but it's creepy to get angry when someone isn't interested in a sex-only relationship. She dodged a bullet there, I think.
 
2013-02-06 01:12:34 PM

Theaetetus: Is the lesson "actually be friends with them, rather than pretend to be their friend so you can nail them"?


You ... do realize that sometimes people just want to fark each other with no relationship or even friendship required... and that's OK, right?
 
2013-02-06 01:15:06 PM

Theaetetus: It's a little creepy to ask someone that you don't talk to and don't find interesting for sex. And quite creepy to say, when they try to politely turn you down, that you don't have any interest in them other than sex.

Note that I didn't say "dishonest". But yes, creepy.


You do realize that there is more than sex to a romantic relationship, right?

You're projecting your own creepiness on other people in this thread.....
 
2013-02-06 01:20:12 PM

Repo Man: Mercury: Repo Man: SkunkWerks: Smackledorfer: women respond well to physically attractive, and poorly to ugly. Denying that is lying.

'Attractive' and 'Ugly' are subjective concepts.

I lie because I have different experiences than you, and I experience them differently.  Big shocker, I know.

Not completely. Find someone who would think John Merrick was attractive. Large surveys of humans show that there is a peak of the bell curve for what most of us find physically attractive. In the sense of aesthetics
My best friend has a crush on Tatum Channing. I think he's a butter face. I have a crush on Ryan Gosling. My friend thinks he's wonky eye and calls him "Male Paris". Taste is subjective and I highly doubt you look like John Merrick.

But my point, which I apparently didn't make well enough, is that what is pretty, and what is ugly is both subjective and objective. Studies have been done where infants too young to have absorbed any cultural bias were shown photos of human faces. They would look at faces generally considered attractive longer than they would at faces generally considered not attractive. This isn't just some arbitrary social construct. People who don't like this idea, because they have romantic idea about human nature, will refuse to accept it. But I mostly agree with this article: The Truth About Beauty.

"Just because swans mate for life, I don't think its that big a deal. First of all, if you're a swan, you're probably not going to find a swan that looks much better than the one you've got, so why not mate for life?" - Jack Handey


It doesn't matter how subjective or objective attractiveness is (and fwiw I agree it's both).  My point stands (or doesn't stand) regardless, because it is about how one person responds to another person.  It could be completely objective or completely subjective.  The statement doesn't have to expressly be rewritten as "women respond well to those physically attractive to them, and poorly to those ugly to them" in order to account for subjectivity.
 
2013-02-06 01:22:14 PM
This thread is fantastic.  You're all the disfunctional family I never knew I wanted.
 
2013-02-06 01:22:38 PM

udhq: Theaetetus: It's a little creepy to ask someone that you don't talk to and don't find interesting for sex. And quite creepy to say, when they try to politely turn you down, that you don't have any interest in them other than sex.

Note that I didn't say "dishonest". But yes, creepy.

You do realize that there is more than sex to a romantic relationship, right?

You're projecting your own creepiness on other people in this thread.....


Pro-tip: when you've told a story about how other people have called you creepy, and others in the thread agree that you sound creepy, it's probably a bit late to try the "NO U ARE!" tactic.
 
2013-02-06 01:23:02 PM

Theaetetus: udhq: Theaetetus: ... Uh, huh. Let's reexamine this for a second:
I asked a woman out... I just didn't find her terribly interesting to talk to on a platonic level.
The fact is, you're creepy, and she picked up on that.

You do realize that there is a distinction between platonic relationships and romantic ones, right?  That they aren't the same?

I have dated dozens of women who I would never consider calling up just to talk or hang out.  Conversely, I have hundreds of people I would consider platonic friends that I would never consider dating.  They're two different kinds of relationships, and a person can, in fact, pique one kind of interest and not the other.

But thanks for proving my point that "creepy" is just the female version of "biatch", an essentially meaningless, demeaning gender-loaded catch-all that is used solely in these impotent attempts to claim unearned power or status in social situations.

You have anger issues, too. Probably feeds into the creepiness.


I'm seeing a lot more issues with you in this thread. Probably shouldn't be attempting to give advice.
 
2013-02-06 01:24:44 PM
http://www.fark.com/comments/7544464/Wheres-my-magic-button-switch-I- can-flip-to-show-men-like-you-what-it-feels-like-on-other-side-of-your - jokes-compliments

img442.imageshack.us

FTFA: "If women keep responding to you like you're some weirdo creeper, then chances are that you're acting like a weirdo creeper. The problem is you."

If men keep responding to you like you're a humorless, reactionary, condescending biatch, then chances are that you're acting like one. The problem is you.
 
2013-02-06 01:24:48 PM

Huggermugger: 'Being an ugly man' is infinitely different than 'being an ugly woman'.  Looks aren't that important in womens' minds, not to the degree that they are for men.  For a guy to be 'ugly' he needs to be significantly different from the norm: misshapen face, extremely bad teeth or skin, very fat or very thin.  Most mens' deficiencies in looks can be compensated for by attractive and well-tailored clothes, a good haircut, and excellent gooming.  Women, otoh, are judged extremely harshly,  In fact, the first thing a man does when he sees a woman is to start tabulating her numeric value, and if she's anything less than a 7 then she's immediately considered expendable if something better is in the immediate vicinity.  If she's anything less than a 6 then she's 'byproduct' to resort to in case of desperation, and if she's anything less than a 5 she's a subhuman who really should be killed with fire.


I think the whole concept of women having some magically lower standards for their mates to be a pile of bullshiat.  In my experience, and I've gotten most of the women I know to admit it, it stems from the following.  Ask a man what he looks for in a date and he will absolutely name looks.  Ask a woman and she names other stuff as her biggest items, but looks is still a given. Women just assume physical attractiveness and then tell you about other stuff like a sense of humor or intelligence.

Women are as guilty of playing out the scenario you describe as men.
 
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