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(Jezebel)   The best advice some people will never learn: "If women keep responding to you like you're some weirdo creeper, then chances are that you're acting like a weirdo creeper"   (jezebel.com) divider line 635
    More: Interesting, sex predator, p.f. chang, Amy Pond  
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10606 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Feb 2013 at 12:45 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-06 08:57:42 AM

FirstNationalBastard: alwaysjaded: CtrlAltDestroy: Eh, flirting is something I don't have a grasp on. I'm the type who is surprisingly smart, almost too much for my own good, and skilled with many things which require critical thinking. I'm also pretty good with figuring people out, until it comes to the subject of attraction. I don't know how to flirt. It's not a natural thing for me. there has been once, maybe twice, in my life where someone started to do it with me but I didn't realize it until hours later.

I'm not emotionally disconnected. I'm actually far more "in touch" with them than the vast majority of men.It's just that attraction is hard for me to automatically understand. Not that I've ever been a creeper. I'm sure that it doesn't help any that I'm a, uh, less than classically attractive introvert. I don't exactly have the experience needed to make up for my lack of natural ability. Beyond that, the type of girl who is my type/interests me is rare.

/My love life sucks.

If you have the ability to look at yourself honestly and with a critical eye, read The Manual by W. Anton. Helped me quite a bit. It's not a "gifts + body language + mind games= sex" type book, more of a breakdown of your behaviors.

Then, discard any advice to read any stupid self-help book, because they're all bullshiat between cardboard covers.

/however, if you are the type to read some bullshiat self-help book, I've some snake oil to sell you. If you rub it on yourself, women will flock to you!


Yea, I like to judge things I haven't read too.
 
2013-02-06 09:02:34 AM
I met my wife when she sent me an anonymous death threat, so I'm getting a kick....

//Not joking.
 
2013-02-06 09:06:00 AM

Bad_Seed: Tommy Moo: Some of them are like that, but it's honestly a diverse crowd with different goals and strategies. You'll find a few clowns who are just trying to burn through as many women as they can to impress their guy friends, but you'll also find a lot of genuine guys...

Tommy Moo: I've dated dozens of the most beautiful women in my city. I'm clearly doing something right, brother.

Yup, sounds about right.


Dude, I'm 31. It's not outrageous that I would have dated dozens of women by this point in my life. Yeah, maybe there were times early on when I wanted to see how far I could get, but I specifically targeted women who were looking for the same thing. For my part, I've tried to never hurt anyone with false expectations. It has almost always been the woman who has gotten bored and wandered off in my relationships. And I'm sure you'll be happy to know that it hurt a few times.
 
2013-02-06 09:06:18 AM

Lernaeus: Unless you're weird......Stop talking about bands all the time...

Look, you just don't understand the importance of the #32 rubber band, and I'm gonna explain it until you do!
 
2013-02-06 09:06:24 AM
I met my wife thru a Craigslist ad. She claims my response was the only one without a cock picture included.
 
2013-02-06 09:06:37 AM

gulogulo: Speaking as a smart girl, I don't like to be hit on. I REALLY love having conversations about mutual interests and compelling topics. It's usually when I'm having one of those conversations that I suddenly find myself immensely attracted to a person.


Heh. I love when that actually happens. I just can't seem to find anyone which to have such a conversation with. I which I knew where to find people with mutual interests. The Chicago-land area isn't exactly bum-fark fly-over country, but I rarely meet kindred spirits.

alwaysjaded: If you have the ability to look at yourself honestly and with a critical eye, read The Manual by W. Anton. Helped me quite a bit. It's not a "gifts + body language + mind games= sex" type book, more of a breakdown of your behaviors.


Eh, I'll peek at it next time I'm in a bookstore. Even if it's nonsense it might be an interesting read in the sense of seeing things through another's perspective and/or as an indirect form of people watching/viewing the "human condition".
 
2013-02-06 09:11:58 AM

Coelacanth Filet: miss diminutive: You know what you look like to me, with your clever quote and your cheap profile? You look like a liter.

As opposed to a sucker who pays for a forum account?


Whoosh
 
2013-02-06 09:13:05 AM

CtrlAltDestroy: Heh. I love when that actually happens. I just can't seem to find anyone which to have such a conversation with. I which I knew where to find people with mutual interests. The Chicago-land area isn't exactly bum-fark fly-over country, but I rarely meet kindred spirits.


Yeah, it can be really tough. I think, too, I tend to be a little bit more extroverted than it sounds like you are, so I have lots of friends that I go out with, and when I'm out with them is when I meet those rare individuals.

However, for someone like you and I who are stimulated by interests and thoughts first, I might recommend trying something like OKCupid. That's where I met my current boyfriend when I moved to a new town and had no friends yet.  When we met, there was no overt romantic gestures, but too nerds just gushing about the things we love.  It's been really good and honestly, one of the easiest relationships I've ever had.  He's not the hottest thing on two legs, but I'm sure glad I've taken the time to get to know him, and each time we spend time together my attraction to him grows.

This isn't a 'one size fits all' sort of deal. What works for you, what works for me, what works for Tommy, and the girls he wants may never be the same. Just be willing to try lots of different things.
 
2013-02-06 09:13:37 AM
Help me, Farkers.

Teach me how not to be a repulsive creepy weirdo. You're my only hope.
 
2013-02-06 09:14:12 AM

gulogulo: too


I must turn in my nerd card for this. My life is a lie.
 
2013-02-06 09:15:10 AM

CtrlAltDestroy: Heh. I love when that actually happens. I just can't seem to find anyone which to have such a conversation with. I which I knew where to find people with mutual interests. The Chicago-land area isn't exactly bum-fark fly-over country, but I rarely meet kindred spirits.


Are you close to the city? Try OkCupid, no joke. My brother met his wife on there, but that site only works really if you live near or in a city.
 
2013-02-06 09:15:20 AM

spyderqueen: Coelacanth Filet: PUA is social nihilism, sure, but it works. Hate the game, not the player, etc.

No, if they think that game is a good idea, I'm in the clear for hating the player.

But yeah, friend-zoning and the "women don't like 'nice guys'" stuff is still bullshiat.  If a woman tells you she likes you as a friend you have two scenarios:
1) She doesn't really like you, but is a nervous about how you will react if she actually flat out says "No, I'm not interested." Possibly because you're behaving like someone who's going to take great offense at the idea she wouldn't want to date you.
2) She actually thinks you're a fun person to hang out with.  This should not be the end of the farking world; friends are awesome.  Friendship isn't a consolation prize. If you don't want that, then back the fark off.  Be her friend or DON'T; don't skulk around behind her like some demented remora looking for any fragment of attention.

If she doesn't see you as a romantic option and just sees you as a friend (which she is allowed to farking do); that's when it's time to take a second to reevaluate why you're friends with the girl.  And if you think you really are okay with being her friend? Respect the other party's decision, act like a decent farking human being, and don't think she OWES you something because you're nice to her.  And if you can't do that?  You're not a "nice guy"; you're the same kind of douchebag you're railing against, you just hide it better.


And additional food for thought: If you start to wonder why all the girls you like only like jerks, it's possible you need to reevaluate what kind of women you are interested in.  Because, I'm not gonna lie, some women have appallingly shiatty taste in relationships, and some men have equally appalling taste.  It happens.

And as far as the idea that women are being shallow and that being creepy is just "hitting on someone while being unattractive", don't think for a farking SECOND that men can't be guilty of the sam ...


You and many other people share a misunderstanding of PUA game. Any guy who throws a shiat fit if a girl doesn't immediately show attraction to him is doing it wrong and will be ostracized/corrected by the community. There are all kinds of rules taught by the masters regarding the following principles: If she's not into you, you didn't do enough to attract her. There's no such thing as a biatch. Learn from every person you meet. And most of us are happy to maintain friendships with women. If nothing else, a female friend makes the best wing. When I go out with a girl, any girl in the bar will talk to me because she can see that I'm safe.

As for the "women like jerks" thing: I find that some women like nice guys and some girls like jerks and some girls like both. What all women like are strong guys. It's a quadrant. You can be mean and weak. Think of a sniveling, angry, bitter jerk who biatches on Facebook about how girls are stupid all the time. These guys never get laid. You can also be nice and weak, like the white knights who lavish girls with praise and complements and then jerk off on Saturday nights instead of taking a shot. It's the strength that women like, and sometimes weak nice guys mistake what girls want when they go for strong jerks. There are strong nice guys who do very well. Think of a club proprietor, the guy who goes around making sure everyone feels safe and everyone is having a good time.
 
2013-02-06 09:17:56 AM

Tommy Moo: As for the "women like jerks" thing: I find that some women like nice guys and some girls like jerks and some girls like both. What all women like are strong guys. It's a quadrant. You can be mean and weak. Think of a sniveling, angry, bitter jerk who biatches on Facebook about how girls are stupid all the time. These guys never get laid. You can also be nice and weak, like the white knights who lavish girls with praise and complements and then jerk off on Saturday nights instead of taking a shot. It's the strength that women like, and sometimes weak nice guys mistake what girls want when they go for strong jerks. There are strong nice guys who do very well. Think of a club proprietor, the guy who goes around making sure everyone feels safe and everyone is having a good time.


This actually is really good advice.
 
2013-02-06 09:23:26 AM

Tommy Moo: Explain the 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon then.


Simple.  What a person enjoys reading about has no relationship whatsoever with what they would like to happen to them in real life.  I like reading books by Stephen King, for example.  That doesn't that mean I want all of my family and friends to die of Captain Tripps while I trek to Boulder, Colorado.

Tommy Moo:   I stand behind my assessment. Anyway, life is constantly proving me right. Think what you will.

Translation: "I am arrogant enough to believe that life is constantly proving me right, and I will not listen to anything you say, so you might as well put me on your ignore list. "
 
2013-02-06 09:23:44 AM
RexTalionis(favorite: vampire lawyer who may also be a werewolf but is the goddamn Batman when naked): Help me, Farkers.

Teach me how not to be a repulsive creepy weirdo. You're my only hope.


Just sayin'.
 
2013-02-06 09:25:08 AM
Just wear gym shorts and pop a boner.
 
2013-02-06 09:27:46 AM
Has it been said yet?

/Be attractive.
//don't be not attractive
 
2013-02-06 09:30:57 AM

The sound of one hand clapping: Yep, the whole 'Don't be unattractive' rule is true a lot of the time.  Women can deny it but I've seen it in action so many times.  I have a ridiculously good looking friend who can get away with anything and the women love the attention.  Yet a awkward, below average looking guy I know is called a creep just for talking to them for more than a few minutes.


The rule of not being a creep is, Don't come onto a woman in a way that bothers her; don't express attraction to a woman who doesn't want your attention.  So, yes, all other things being equal, it's possible that Bob the Super-Handsome can do some "X" that will not come off as creepy to most women where Tim the Ugly Duckling will come off as creepy to the same women for the same "X."

You can say that makes women shallow if you like, but it doesn't change the basic fact that Tim SHOULD NOT DO "X."

It's rather like if a cop pulls you over for driving 85 mph in a 55-mph zone and you argue, "B-b-but the other guy in the green car was doing 90!  Go arrest him!"
 
2013-02-06 09:31:53 AM

ciberido: Tommy Moo: Explain the 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon then.

Simple.  What a person enjoys reading about has no relationship whatsoever with what they would like to happen to them in real life.  I like reading books by Stephen King, for example.  That doesn't that mean I want all of my family and friends to die of Captain Tripps while I trek to Boulder, Colorado.

Tommy Moo:   I stand behind my assessment. Anyway, life is constantly proving me right. Think what you will.

Translation: "I am arrogant enough to believe that life is constantly proving me right, and I will not listen to anything you say, so you might as well put me on your ignore list. "


Stop trying to make me a creepette (as someone said)...Sorry, Yea The Stand was good and many others back then but I haven't kept up with his new stuff since Tommy Knockers maybe?
/Sorry ; )
 
2013-02-06 09:33:55 AM

Tommy Moo: Dude, I'm 31. It's not outrageous that I would have dated dozens of women by this point in my life.


... and then brag about it to strangers on the internet, brother. Look, I don't particularly care about what you do, I thought it was funny that you come off sounding exaclty like the type of person you claimed not to be.

You know, when you tell people that you have to be in the gym in 26 minutes, it's not an excuse that you actually have to be in the gym in 26 minutes.
 
2013-02-06 09:35:06 AM

Genevieve Marie: The friend zone is not a thing. If you end up there, it's because the object of your affection thinks you are a nice person and enjoys your company but does not envision the two of you getting naked together.


In my experience, this is also an excellent place to put people when you (the friend-zoner) want to eat your cake (the friend-zonee) and still have it left.

Seen this plenty of times.  Which isn't so say the guy isn't also at fault for not knowing when to call off the pursuit (or else re-examine his interests in a person), but yes, I can verifiably say this is also a handy tool for manipulating people, and there are some women who delight in keeping men in this little twilight zone if they can manage it, and the men are gullible enough to be strung along.
 
2013-02-06 09:35:08 AM

Tommy Moo: Explain the 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon then. I stand behind my assessment. Anyway, life is constantly proving me right. Think what you will.


Roller coasters are perfectly safe, but they're designed to provide an illusion of danger (and depending on who you talk to, this illusion is very convincing indeed). This is a similar thing: it's fairly common to seek out an illusion of dominance (or submission, for that matter) without wanting to actually be dominated or force someone to submit.

50 Shades -really, romance novels in general, but 50 Shades is more extreme and more badly-written than most- provide that illusion by way of fantasy. I would argue that this isn't a particularly healthy way to go about getting those illusions, as they're rarely illusory for the characters in the books, but for the reader, it gets the job done. That's what keeps the publishers in business.
 
2013-02-06 09:37:32 AM

Serious Post on Serious Thread: The thrust of the article, is about INITIAL IMPRESSIONS that project a sense of 'creepiness'. The criticism of the article is that one finds a person unattractive you are never going to find out if they are 'creepy' or 'swell'. Your lazy comments communicate the obvious and unargued, by anyone, article included point that once you get to know some one, attractive or not, you may or may not find them creepy.


That's a "criticism" of the article in the same way "death panels!" is a criticism of Obamacare.
 
2013-02-06 09:39:45 AM

Smackledorfer: women respond well to physically attractive, and poorly to ugly. Denying that is lying.


'Attractive' and 'Ugly' are subjective concepts.

I lie because I have different experiences than you, and I experience them differently.  Big shocker, I know.
 
2013-02-06 09:40:27 AM
img1.fantasticfiction.co.uk
/ this may actually be obscure
// maybe not, this is Fark, and Zahn isn't exactly unpopular...
 
2013-02-06 09:41:06 AM

starsrift: [img1.fantasticfiction.co.uk image 213x344]
/ this may actually be obscure
// maybe not, this is Fark, and Zahn isn't exactly unpopular...



oh fark wrong thread. :( :(
 
2013-02-06 09:41:11 AM

Millennium: Tommy Moo: Explain the 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon then. I stand behind my assessment. Anyway, life is constantly proving me right. Think what you will.

Roller coasters are perfectly safe, but they're designed to provide an illusion of danger (and depending on who you talk to, this illusion is very convincing indeed). This is a similar thing: it's fairly common to seek out an illusion of dominance (or submission, for that matter) without wanting to actually be dominated or force someone to submit.

50 Shades -really, romance novels in general, but 50 Shades is more extreme and more badly-written than most- provide that illusion by way of fantasy. I would argue that this isn't a particularly healthy way to go about getting those illusions, as they're rarely illusory for the characters in the books, but for the reader, it gets the job done. That's what keeps the publishers in business.


So what you're saying: you read romance novels and have read 50 shades of grey. Did I get that right?
/I've been wanting to ask that question for awhile, now.
//Haven't read 50 shades
 
2013-02-06 09:43:05 AM

gulogulo: Yeah, it can be really tough. I think, too, I tend to be a little bit more extroverted than it sounds like you are, so I have lots of friends that I go out with, and when I'm out with them is when I meet those rare individuals.


I am pretty introverted, but not to the point where I'm totally screwed up socially because of it. I can get into an extroverted mood at times. Sometimes I'm in the mood for human interaction. Sometimes I need to be alone to recharge. My brother is more extroverted than I am, yet (as his girlfriend pointed out) I'm better/more easy going/more open socially than he is. I prefer smaller groups of known people to large groups of strangers. At best, I enjoy talking to others. At worst, I can fake it for an evening. I tend to think of myself as a "functional geek". When I was in customer service hell I was always one of the better employees. Nowadays I'm making a living working with my hands in a job that's a mix of an IT and mechanic role.

I'm not afraid of people and I'm talented with my hands. I'm not the stereotypical geek, even though I enjoy many of the stereotypical geek things.

gulogulo: However, for someone like you and I who are stimulated by interests and thoughts first, I might recommend trying something like OKCupid.

I'm in the SW burbs. I have an account on OKC and PoF. OKC is much better. The accounts have been open for about 3/4 of a year now. There's a fair amount of information about myself. There's enough to get a feel for who I am while leaving something to talk about in person. There's also recent and straightforward (no myspace angles) photos.

So far I've had some luck with one girl. We conversations over the messenger and texted a few times. She eventually asks what intentions I had just to make sure that I wasn't leading her on (IE was actually interested in dating). Then later she tells me that she's about to move 4 hours away for college, which she knew all along. WTF? Anyway, I say that we should meet at least once before she left since we did spend that time getting to know one another and could actually hold a conversation. We meet up and chat over bowling for a couple of hours. She seems like she'd make a good friend, but during that one meeting there weren't any sparks (from my end). But either way, new friend or potential future crush, she's currently hours away for the next few years. Eh. Talking to her was fun and all, but I'm still left with a "WTF", all said and done.

Anyway, yeah. I haven't had any luck so far. The messages I sent to others have never garnered a response and I've only been contacted by 1 person who seemed interesting. There were a couple of other messages I received. 1 lead to nothing and the other was a 1 line "hi wanna chat" from an empty profile.

I've thought about said profiles recently. I need to rework them. There's good info, but it seems too boring. I need to get more of my sense of humor in there and make it less matter-of-fact.
 
2013-02-06 09:44:46 AM

gunther_bumpass: By treating her like a human being instead of a potential lay.


Best piece of advice I've read in this thread.

No, I'm not kidding.
 
2013-02-06 09:46:06 AM

tinfoil-hat maggie: Dogsbody: Call me old fashioned but... How about a polite introduction, ask them their name while holding the gaze and the hand slightly longer than usual, but not so long as to be creepy. Engage in a conversation about interests (besides work or boyfriends, etc.). Invite the person on your yacht over the weekend. It also helps if there's another couple or two there with you to vouch that they will be on the boat as well. It doesn't always work for me, but I find it's a decent non-creepy approach. Having a yacht helps.

No actually that's kinda creepy and I've heard how that boat story ends : )


You know... because of the implication...
 
2013-02-06 09:46:39 AM

Serious Post on Serious Thread: Tag me, block me, break my little on-line heart.  gulogulo's post stated "in the end", sure, maybe she/he/it meant after the first sentence, but "in the end" implies to me a more substantial getting-to-know-you period. And that's the point. You don't even get that far if any approach is deemed 'creepy by virtue of unattractiveness'.



Nobody OWES you a chance to prove you're not a creep.  Oh hell, let me just quote the article.  "No one other than your therapist or attorney owes you a conversation."

That's the point you're not getting.  You think women OWE you a chance.  We don't.
 
2013-02-06 09:52:32 AM

Louisiana_Sitar_Club: Sounds like somebody's house needs more lighting.


images3.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2013-02-06 09:53:29 AM

spyderqueen: And additional food for thought: If you start to wonder why all the girls you like only like jerks, it's possible you need to reevaluate what kind of women you are interested in.  Because, I'm not gonna lie, some women have appallingly shiatty taste in relationships, and some men have equally appalling taste.  It happens.


Exactly. Women who like jerks are probably somewhat emotionally vulnerable. "Nice guys" who complain about and always try to date women who like jerks are, at least subconsciously, looking for someone somewhat emotionally vulnerable, hence their whole strategy of overwhelming "niceness". Accordingly, it's a cycle doomed to repeat.
 
2013-02-06 09:55:29 AM

RexTalionis: Help me, Farkers.

Teach me how not to be a repulsive creepy weirdo. You're my only hope.


I'd be your wingman, Rex, and see how you're doing.  Winglady?
 
2013-02-06 09:55:45 AM

Tommy Moo: You and many other people share a misunderstanding of PUA game. Any guy who throws a shiat fit if a girl doesn't immediately show attraction to him is doing it wrong and will be ostracized/corrected by the community. There are all kinds of rules taught by the masters regarding the following principles...


Masters, rules, ostracizing by the community... That doesn't sound  anything like a cult.
 
2013-02-06 09:56:17 AM

ciberido: The rule of not being a creep is, Don't come onto a woman in a way that bothers her; don't express attraction to a woman who doesn't want your attention. So, yes, all other things being equal, it's possible that Bob the Super-Handsome can do some "X" that will not come off as creepy to most women where Tim the Ugly Duckling will come off as creepy to the same women for the same "X."

You can say that makes women shallow if you like, but it doesn't change the basic fact that Tim SHOULD NOT DO "X."


But he sees 'X' working- after all, Bob did it and got laid.
 
2013-02-06 09:59:10 AM

RexTalionis: Help me, Farkers.

Teach me how not to be a repulsive creepy weirdo. You're my only hope.


Is there more to this recording?
 
2013-02-06 10:00:24 AM

Theaetetus: RexTalionis: Help me, Farkers.

Teach me how not to be a repulsive creepy weirdo. You're my only hope.

Is there more to this recording?


Yes, but removing the restraining bolt may be unwise.
 
2013-02-06 10:00:29 AM

fredklein: ciberido: The rule of not being a creep is, Don't come onto a woman in a way that bothers her; don't express attraction to a woman who doesn't want your attention. So, yes, all other things being equal, it's possible that Bob the Super-Handsome can do some "X" that will not come off as creepy to most women where Tim the Ugly Duckling will come off as creepy to the same women for the same "X."

You can say that makes women shallow if you like, but it doesn't change the basic fact that Tim SHOULD NOT DO "X."

But he sees 'X' working- after all, Bob did it and got laid.


Gosh, if only there was some distinction, some sort of text-but-not-text, like a con-text, that could make something okay in one situation and not okay in another...
 
2013-02-06 10:01:55 AM

Louisiana_Sitar_Club: MythDragon: [media-mcw.cursecdn.com image 150x306]

Fark Creepers.

One of these bastards was in my house one day. Door was closed and everything. I had a long hard day of building, the mobs where coming, so I went to my house to sleep. I open the door, make a left, and staring me in the face is a Goddamn creeper.

'what the f-'
*HSSSSSSSSSS*
*oh fuc-*
*Boom*

Sounds like somebody's house needs more lighting.

It got pretty bright for a second.
 
2013-02-06 10:03:42 AM

ciberido: Serious Post on Serious Thread: The thrust of the article, is about INITIAL IMPRESSIONS that project a sense of 'creepiness'. The criticism of the article is that one finds a person unattractive you are never going to find out if they are 'creepy' or 'swell'. Your lazy comments communicate the obvious and unargued, by anyone, article included point that once you get to know some one, attractive or not, you may or may not find them creepy.

That's a "criticism" of the article in the same way "death panels!" is a criticism of Obamacare.


I'm sure that sounded terribly insightful in your head as you were typing it.  Thank you for clearing everything up.
 
2013-02-06 10:05:50 AM

fusillade762: Complimenting shoes and eyeglasses are usually safe, in my experience.

That's all I got.


Just don't split the difference with your gaze. That freaks them out.

/Excuse me, my shoes are down there.
 
2013-02-06 10:06:13 AM

Theaetetus: RexTalionis: Help me, Farkers.

Teach me how not to be a repulsive creepy weirdo. You're my only hope.

Is there more to this recording?


Damn you, you almost made me giggle snort my beer.
/I'm alright carry on ; )
 
2013-02-06 10:08:58 AM

BSABSVR: I'd think that "be polite and don't invade people's space" would be complete no-brainer advice.  Then I remember there's a thread just below where people don't understand that dog shiat on the porch isn't a stand your ground situation.


Of course it isn't. You'll get it all over your shoes.
 
2013-02-06 10:09:39 AM

CtrlAltDestroy: Anyway, yeah. I haven't had any luck so far. The messages I sent to others have never garnered a response and I've only been contacted by 1 person who seemed interesting. There were a couple of other messages I received. 1 lead to nothing and the other was a 1 line "hi wanna chat" from an empty profile.

I've thought about said profiles recently. I need to rework them. There's good info, but it seems too boring. I need to get more of my sense of humor in there and make it less matter-of-fact.


Dating sites are OK, but honestly, I've found that people are way, way more superficial on a dating site than they are in real life.  I think it's because they don't have the personality to go off, so they tend to just go off looks rather than reading the profile and seeing if the person seems interesting.

Case in point.  I had profiles on OKC, POF and I've since moved to Match.com.  The OKC and POF profiles were up for 2 months before I got rid of them, the Match.com one about 1 month to date.  To begin with I got only 1 reply despite sending messages to over 40 women in my area.  Eventually I got really fed up and talked to a girl I know about it.  She asked to look at my profile and said 'it's your picture'.  I thought the pic was OK but she said it didn't make me look good.  She helped me take some more pics and I let her choose which one I'd use.  And I'll be damned it worked!  I got 2 responses after messaging 15 women and a third woman even contacted me directly.

You'll always have more luck in real life if you can charm someone because they will overlook your appearance.  On a dating site most will just see if they like how you look.  I'm sure guys do the same so I'm not trying to get at women here, just stating my experience.
 
2013-02-06 10:11:29 AM

ciberido: Serious Post on Serious Thread: Tag me, block me, break my little on-line heart.  gulogulo's post stated "in the end", sure, maybe she/he/it meant after the first sentence, but "in the end" implies to me a more substantial getting-to-know-you period. And that's the point. You don't even get that far if any approach is deemed 'creepy by virtue of unattractiveness'.


Nobody OWES you a chance to prove you're not a creep.  Oh hell, let me just quote the article.  "No one other than your therapist or attorney owes you a conversation."

That's the point you're not getting.  You think women OWE you a chance.  We don't.


Oh sweet jesus, you poor put upon thing. If that was the point of the farking article then WHY THE FARK DIDN'T IT END AFTER THE FIRST PARAGRAPH (and spared us all the tripe that is the butt of criticism that follows).  Is your reading comprehension THAT stunted?

Correct, nobody owes anyone a conversation or 'chance' (chance at what by the way? the privilege of having you deign to talk to someone?), but to offer an article full of fluffy pointless 'advice' or 'guidelines' or whatever that essentially comes down to 'if you're attractive it's probably not creepy to initiate a conversation' , but doesn't have the guts to say it is just crap and fodder for your fauxrage.
 
2013-02-06 10:12:23 AM

FirstNationalBastard: doglover: Creepy is usually only creepy if you don't wanna fark the other person. The same behavior from an attractive person would be cute or silly, usually. There is a line, but it's set waaay back for hotties.

Plus women are more choosy. So they're more likely to pull the trigger on the creepy gun. Men just say "Crazy broad, better wear a condom."

Shouldn't that be "Crazy broad, better wear a condom, give her a fake name, and never take her to my house"?


Take her to your place, give her the name of a DnD character so you're used to responding to it. Not really a fake a name then. Ethically, speaking it's a truer name than your given one.

But you need to make sure you have a theme going with the DnD characters in advance so no one gets suspicious when you call yourself "Xorax Bloodletter" or something stupid. I recommend thus:
Humans: Bible names. John, Abraham, Samson, etc.
Elves: Androgynous names. Pat, Chris, Jay, etc.
Dwarves: Norse names: Thor, Sphen, Eric, etc.
Orcs: Presidents. George, Abe, Andrew, Teddy, etc.
Half-elves: Jewish names. Saul, Adam, Kyle, etc.
Anything else: Steve. Just Steve.

I am the vicious blackhearted drow king of an empire of sorrow far beneath the crust of this pathetic surface world. My subjects tremble at the very mention of my name. FOR I AM Steve.
 
2013-02-06 10:13:50 AM

Theaetetus: RexTalionis: Help me, Farkers.

Teach me how not to be a repulsive creepy weirdo. You're my only hope.

Is there more to this recording?


Thumbs up, man. Complete that reference.
 
2013-02-06 10:13:58 AM

Theaetetus: fredklein: ciberido: The rule of not being a creep is, Don't come onto a woman in a way that bothers her; don't express attraction to a woman who doesn't want your attention. So, yes, all other things being equal, it's possible that Bob the Super-Handsome can do some "X" that will not come off as creepy to most women where Tim the Ugly Duckling will come off as creepy to the same women for the same "X."

You can say that makes women shallow if you like, but it doesn't change the basic fact that Tim SHOULD NOT DO "X."

But he sees 'X' working- after all, Bob did it and got laid.

Gosh, if only there was some distinction, some sort of text-but-not-text, like a con-text, that could make something okay in one situation and not okay in another...


No two situations are EXACTLY alike. Therefore, a solution that works for one situation would never work, and should never, ever be attempted in a different, but similar situation. Got it.
 
2013-02-06 10:20:39 AM

RexTalionis: Theaetetus: RexTalionis: Help me, Farkers.

Teach me how not to be a repulsive creepy weirdo. You're my only hope.

Is there more to this recording?

Thumbs up, man. Complete that reference.


I'm not going to say you're beautiful.
 
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