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Jonas Brothers brand whale vomit, erectile dysfunction doctor ends up stiff, and the important difference between North Dakota and South Dakota: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 1/27 - 2/2
Posted by Unfreakable at 2013-02-05 4:18:46 PM (16 comments) | Permalink

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3518 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Feb 2013 at 4:27 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Nothing new this week, enjoy the headlines.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2013-01-27 to Sat 2013-02-02:

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  Citizens of Mexican town arm themselves and band together to fight back against gangs, will soon be looking to hire seven cowboys    
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  Guy Fieri's new wine is quizzical, yet decisive, with a piquant nose redolent of Rohypnol, in-mouth notes of Axe Body Spray, and an exuberant finish of Zubaz stained with tanning oil and sack sweat    
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  Dove released by Pope in remembrance of Holocaust is promptly attacked by flock of sieg heils    
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  Erectile dysfunction doctor ends up stiffer than his patients    
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  Ticketmaster dumps hard-to-read Captchas. "It is generally speaking one of the most hated pieces of user interaction on the web" say experts. Yes, and their Captchas are pretty annoying too    
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  Monkeys attack seven people in east Indonesian village; so you'd better get ready, they may be coming to your town    
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  North Korea declares martial law. Citizens excited about their new found freedoms    
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  Man finds whale vomit worth £100,000. Must've tried eating the Jonas brothers    
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  NYPD Sgt. says affair with dead cop was consensual, monotonous    
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  Self-educated mothers everywhere are outraged that Canadians dropped Jenny McCarthy off a cancer benefit's roster, she claims it was due to autistic differences    
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  Punxsutawney Phil predicts an early spring. This is a repeat    
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Sports:

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  Man who wears tight spandex pants, pats fellow players on the ass, and winds up at the bottom of a pile of sweaty men for a living says that no gay stuff will be tolerated in the San Francisco 49ers locker room    
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  Former NASCAR driver leads police on a high-speed chase through three states, is finally stopped when police put up a Right Turn Only sign on the freeway    
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  Yale to play Quinnipi... Quennieu... Quinniopie.... Yale to play the #2 ranked team in the nation today    
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Geek:

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  Marine biologists hope to reintroduce large, endangered game fish to Potomac River. Like a sturgeon, stocked for the very first time    
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  Some company is promising a revolutionary update to a device known as a "blackberry," a mysterious tool used by obscure, disconnected tribes that apparently functions like a primitive iPhone or Android. Archaeologists reportedly ecstatic  

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  Drill reaches frozen lake under Antarctic ice. Scientists find frozen woman, but we all know that strange women lying in frozen ponds handing out drills is no way to run a system of science    
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Entertainment:

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  Ron Jeremy hospitalized and it sounds like he's in pretty deep. Doctor Kandi Cummings quoted as saying "it's a hard case but I'm on top of it and banging out a solution. If anyone can pull out of it and come from behind to beat this thing it's him"  

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  Dakota Fanning to appear nude in upcoming film. No word if we'll be seeing South Dakota or just North Dakota    
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  Chris Brown pulled over for speeding, will reportedly try to beat the charges    
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Politics:

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  Charlie Rangel (D-NY) wants women to register for the draft, people to stop asking him for a few bars of "Minnie the Moocher"    
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  Israel admits that Ethiopian immigrants were given contraceptive shots to drop their birth rate. Health Ministry Director, Dr. A. Godwin, declined comment    
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  John Kerry swiftly confirmed as Secretary of State    
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Business:

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  Illinois credit rating downgraded from White Sox to Cubs    
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  Judge approves BP plea agreement, record $4 billion fine. Company officials complain that the fine could set them back as much as three days    
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  Chevron officials take an extra day to practice their somber look, then announce record 4Q profit of $7.25 billion    
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· · ·

16 Comments     (+0 »)
 
 
2013-02-05 04:29:29 PM  
Came to say "BONER".....
/that is all.
 
2013-02-05 04:30:32 PM  
None of the headlines got a smile let alone a chuckle from me. Seems like a weak week for headlines.
 
2013-02-05 04:45:09 PM  
I giggled at "autistic differences"
 
2013-02-05 04:52:24 PM  
Maybe have voting enabled in these threads for best headlines of the week...and then by the end of the year you already have only a handful of the finalists ready for a Headline Of The Year vote.

When I see the HOTY threads in December there are too many to go through.
 
2013-02-05 04:56:30 PM  
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NYPD Sgt. says affair with dead cop was consensual, monotonous
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I just got this. Damn I'm slow in the head.
 
2013-02-05 04:57:39 PM  
I lol'd at the Monkeys, but I guess you have to be a certain age (i.e. too old to say LOL)
 
2013-02-05 05:13:46 PM  

gwowen: I lol'd at the Monkeys, but I guess you have to be a certain age (i.e. too old to say LOL)


Not really.

The second wave of Monkees popularity began when MTV aired the entire series in 1985, which is within the usual FARK demographic. And sliding down the scale a bit, people like me who will soon be facing their 30s would have been introduced to them when Nick at Nite aired 5 weeks of Monkee Mondays in 1997.
 
2013-02-05 05:35:02 PM  
The monkeys headline was absolute gold. LOVED it!
 
2013-02-05 07:11:16 PM  
In other news, are featured partners blocking comments on purpose? (see thread below this one) Or is it just me who doesn't see any way to add a comment there?
 
2013-02-05 07:42:22 PM  
Aren't they still fighting the Indians up in North Dakota?
 
2013-02-05 07:54:34 PM  
woot! got two this week! One even made the headline for the headline!

/Jonas vomit
//python Antarctic lake
 
2013-02-06 12:53:03 AM  

Bschott007: None of the headlines got a smile let alone a chuckle from me. Seems like a weak week for headlines.


I dunno, I thought a few were quite funny.

Always good to make fun of Best Korea, Blackberry, and Ticketbastard.
 
2013-02-06 02:26:24 AM  
OMG, WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN NORTH AND SOUTH DAKOTA?

/For the love of god someone hit me with the punchline
 
2013-02-06 02:28:36 AM  
/ sorry, read it 10 times before I saw it
// up too late coding for work lately
 
2013-02-06 04:39:54 AM  
Another week. Another snub by the judges.
 
2013-02-06 09:57:58 AM  

nemisonic: OMG, WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN NORTH AND SOUTH DAKOTA?

/For the love of god someone hit me with the punchline


an R or probable NC-17 rating
 
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