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(Slate)   Dear Prudence, I'm being pursued by a celebrity stalker. Would I be a bad person if I threw caution to the wind and banged him like a bass drum?   (slate.com) divider line 111
    More: Obvious, Prudi, Emily Yoffe  
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20304 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Feb 2013 at 11:46 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-05 11:08:15 AM
Ah, the (fake) problems people have to deal with in this crazy world!

Reading down though, I find the letter from the boyfriend who said he'd kill her if she had an affair to be so very sad.  So minute, and yet things will likely never recover between them.
 
2013-02-05 11:11:42 AM
SInce that's what they are looking for, go for it. The thrill will be gone and then they'll bugger off.
 
2013-02-05 11:15:36 AM

Andromeda: Reading down though, I find the letter from the boyfriend who said he'd kill her if she had an affair to be so very sad. So minute, and yet things will likely never recover between them.


Yeah. That one kind of broke my heart, but... he didn't take it back. That would scare me too. WTH?

The one for TFA, I honestly started thinking, Chris Brown?: You can't believe everything you read, but he has a pretty dodgy reputation, and his outbursts have sent him to jail before. He has always been kind to me and the people around me, but it's also difficult to ignore how poorly he's treated women in the past.
 
2013-02-05 11:17:40 AM

CapeFearCadaver: Andromeda: Reading down though, I find the letter from the boyfriend who said he'd kill her if she had an affair to be so very sad. So minute, and yet things will likely never recover between them.

Yeah. That one kind of broke my heart, but... he didn't take it back. That would scare me too. WTH?


Totally agree.  One thing to make a tasteless joke once, but twice... what's the quote, "when someone shows you their true colors, believe them."
 
2013-02-05 11:28:12 AM
Clearly this is a fake Sean Penn we are dealing with.
 
2013-02-05 11:29:52 AM

Andromeda: Totally agree. One thing to make a tasteless joke once, but twice... what's the quote, "when someone shows you their true colors, believe them."


This: He's never been controlling or aggressive or abusive.

Added with this: He just said for me to not "make" him do it, then.

If she felt the need to caveat that he is not controlling, aggressive or abusive; then he follows it up with 'don't make me do it'... he immediately puts her at fault and all blame is directed at her. A very common tactic for control. I have trouble believing he hasn't shown his true colors before and she's just now actually gotten scared.
 
2013-02-05 11:33:23 AM

Mangoose: Clearly this is a fake Sean Penn we are dealing with.


Oh no. This is obviously fake Robert Downey Jr.
 
2013-02-05 11:37:07 AM
She should just not cheat on him. How hard is that?
 
2013-02-05 11:39:46 AM

Andromeda: Reading down though, I find the letter from the boyfriend who said he'd kill her if she had an affair to be so very sad. So minute, and yet things will likely never recover between them.


Even better -- not her boyfriend, her husband.
 
2013-02-05 11:44:35 AM

TheAuldTriangle: She should just not cheat on him. How hard is that?


He put a threat out there, regardless of their personal standing. If you don't see how that would unnerve your wife and damage your relationship then I don't know what to say to you.
 
2013-02-05 11:49:34 AM

Andromeda: I find the letter from the boyfriend who said he'd kill her if she had an affair to be so very sad.


Even worse: it was her husband.
 
2013-02-05 11:51:00 AM

TheAuldTriangle: She should just not cheat on him. How hard is that?


Because a relationship based on fear is the best kind of relationship.
 
2013-02-05 11:51:56 AM
He has always been kind to me and the people around me, but it's also difficult to ignore how poorly he's treated women in the past. Would I be a bad person if I threw caution to the wind and had a brief fling with this person? I'm not interested in his money, his fame, or having a future with him.

/sure, go for it, don't worry about all the former women he was with that he beat up, they were biatches who deserved it, i'm sure you will fare much better. Hey, it worked out well for Nichole Simpson. He was a nice guy too from all accounts, not so much to his Ex's.
 
2013-02-05 11:54:44 AM

Shostie: Mangoose: Clearly this is a fake Sean Penn we are dealing with.

Oh no. This is obviously fake Robert Downey Jr.


I can't agree; if it was RDJ there would be no question... he's still hot.  Sean Penn is not a good-looking man; the "intensity" line makes perfect sense, since it has nothing to do with his broke-ass face.  If not Sean Penn, then some other non-attractive bad-boy.

TheAuldTriangle: She should just not cheat on him. How hard is that?


While this is true, this level of threat, repeated has a way of permeating the relationship.  If he's a "cheating => murder" type, then what is the "max out credit cards" penalty?  What is the "divorce because we can't get along any more" penalty?  What is she allowed to do without violence as a result?

Abusers keep their victims in bad relationships with fear.
 
2013-02-05 11:56:13 AM

TheAuldTriangle: She should just not cheat on him. How hard is that?


Not sure if serious.

He threatened to kill her. I can't see what possibility there could be for their marriage to continue at all. She should file a restraining order and get a weapon, and leave the guy immediately.
 
2013-02-05 11:59:35 AM
Winning!
 
2013-02-05 12:00:13 PM
That widow daughter-in-law is human trash.
 
2013-02-05 12:01:19 PM
In reply to the married chicj whos husband said hed kill her if she cheated, run.

Wtf.

Now she has to be worried that any future conversation or relationship with men that she knows or works with will be missread by her husband. That does not sound like a fun marriage.
 
2013-02-05 12:01:51 PM

proteus_b: TheAuldTriangle: She should just not cheat on him. How hard is that?

Not sure if serious.

He threatened to kill her. I can't see what possibility there could be for their marriage to continue at all. She should file a restraining order and get a weapon, and leave the guy immediately.


My wife has told me multiple times that, if she ever caught me cheating, my body would have to be assembled from parts found in various lakes around the greater Seattle area.  She's got temper and training from growing up in Lebanon, and I believe she'd be able to do it.

I also don't take it seriously and it's been a running joke between us for years.
 
2013-02-05 12:02:15 PM
I get hit on by celebrities all the time! mock my problems. will you!?!?
 
2013-02-05 12:03:30 PM
How poorly he's treated women in the past? And make sure he uses a rubber? And he's gone to jail for how he treated people? I'm not sure a woman should be alone with this guy. Probably a fake letter, idk, I need more fake info to come to a fake decision.
 
2013-02-05 12:07:36 PM

factoryconnection: TheAuldTriangle: She should just not cheat on him. How hard is that?

While this is true, this level of threat, repeated has a way of permeating the relationship. If he's a "cheating => murder" type, then what is the "max out credit cards" penalty? What is the "divorce because we can't get along any more" penalty? What is she allowed to do without violence as a result?


This. Cheating hurts people, and it hurts them terribly: I've heard people describe it as a violation, and while I'd call that a bit of a stretch, I wouldn't call it a huge one. It's a legitimately traumatic experience. But there are levels to which it simply does not rise. It does not justify killing somebody, and the fear of being cheated on does not justify threats of this kind.

Abusers keep their victims in bad relationships with fear.

They do indeed. At the same time, TFA would seem to state that this came out of the blue, with no history. We may be dealing with someone who is just starting down that dark path (catalyzed by trauma-by-proxy over his friend's situation, perhaps). If that's the case, there may still be time to head things off before anyone does anything stupid. But therapy, as a couple and individually, is probably going to be needed in order for that to happen. He clearly has problems that need to be worked out, and he has given her problems that need to be worked out.
 
2013-02-05 12:08:53 PM

rufus-t-firefly: TheAuldTriangle: She should just not cheat on him. How hard is that?

Because a relationship based on fear is the best kind of relationship.


Not only that, but what if her husband mistakenly thinks his wife is having an affair? She is now probably thinking "what else might set him off? If I had a male friend at work would he get the wrong idea?" Yeah, that's a red flag in any relationship.
 
2013-02-05 12:08:59 PM

Shostie: Mangoose: Clearly this is a fake Sean Penn we are dealing with.

Oh no. This is obviously fake Robert Downey Jr.


Found him!

bossip.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-02-05 12:09:06 PM
This is obviously fake DJ Qualls.
 
2013-02-05 12:11:09 PM

Eirik: My wife has told me multiple times that, if she ever caught me cheating, my body would have to be assembled from parts found in various lakes around the greater Seattle area. She's got temper and training from growing up in Lebanon, and I believe she'd be able to do it.

I also don't take it seriously and it's been a running joke between us for years.


Here's the thing--it's clearly a joke. At some point one of you laughs, and you move on to another topic. From the letter, he said it deadly seriously, and did nothing to soften or change it or provide any context that he meant it as a joke. I do the same thing that your wife does to my fiance. But if no one laughs, it's not a joke.
 
2013-02-05 12:12:13 PM
his passion for this cause

Is it passion or a term of his parole?
 
2013-02-05 12:12:46 PM
Wait, people still think Dear Prudence is real?
 
2013-02-05 12:16:56 PM
incredulous: "This is obviously fake DJ Qualls."

Please.
Women don't ask permission to pursue fake DJ Qualls.
They ride that thing like a rodeo and then ask forgiveness.
 
2013-02-05 12:17:29 PM

machoprogrammer: Wait, people still think Dear Prudence is real?


They do.

i.telegraph.co.uk

And she does.

cdn.buzznet.com
 
2013-02-05 12:18:16 PM
Kill your wife for cheating?  What a pussy.  Obviously if you catch her cheating, you fark her mother, her sister, and then on her birthday,  make a bouquet garni out of the used condoms and serve her the 'ol family recipe' soup.  Bam!

/what too salty?
 
2013-02-05 12:20:07 PM
RE: Woman who thinks her husband will kill her

Yeah...there is absolutely no chance that this is an overly-emotional mid-life gal who feels the need to have some drama in her life.
 
2013-02-05 12:20:09 PM
'Don't make me do it'  is chilling.  She should run, not walk, from this relationship.
 
2013-02-05 12:20:21 PM
I think we all know who she's talking about. That's right... Frank Stallone.
 
2013-02-05 12:22:53 PM

JohnnyCanuck: RE: Woman who thinks her husband will kill her

Yeah...there is absolutely no chance that this is an overly-emotional mid-life gal who feels the need to have some drama in her life.


To be fair, it may have been written from a trailer.
 
2013-02-05 12:27:34 PM
I was guessing maybe Tom Sizemore?
 
2013-02-05 12:27:40 PM
No love for the widower's gf, who is miraculously trying to be friendly to late wife's family?
 
2013-02-05 12:29:27 PM

rufus-t-firefly: TheAuldTriangle: She should just not cheat on him. How hard is that?

Because a relationship based on fear is the best kind of relationship.


I think there should be a distinction between horrific relationships based on fear of your SO, and mediocre relationships based on mutual fear of loneliness.

A little nondescript fear can get you snuggles, nookie, and somebody to split the rent with, and that's not all bad, provided you know when its run its course and end it.
 
2013-02-05 12:30:44 PM

jfivealive: Obviously if you catch her cheating, you fark her mother



approves
 
2013-02-05 12:35:12 PM

PaisleyHunter: I get hit on by celebrities all the time! mock my problems. will you!?!?


Totalfarkers don't count as celebrities
 
2013-02-05 12:35:17 PM
Prudence has a certain dark wit to her responses, although I haven't read her weekly answers in a while. I know that a popular journalist took over the "Prudence" column a couple years back, although her name escapes me at the moment. She has a book published about her unintentional foray into dog ownership.

And to whoever said Chris Brown, methinks you hit the nail on the head.
 
2013-02-05 12:39:10 PM
I don't know... I wouldn't feel so threatened if my husband said he would kill me if I cheated after he spent hours talking to his friend whose life is falling apart. Either the woman is a high maintenance self-centered drama queen or she's lying about how great her otherwise perfect relationship is.

I feel worse for the grandmother who has to watch her grandkids take the last name of the man who partially destroyed her dying son's marriage.
 
2013-02-05 12:45:31 PM
A better way to get your point across without scaring your wife away would be to tell her that if she ever cheats on you with another guy, you'll kill *him*.  Then again, if she's emotionally stunted enough that she could cheat on her life-long partner despite the pain it would cause you, she probably wouldn't give two shiats what happens to the other guy.
 
2013-02-05 12:45:40 PM

killershark: I don't know... I wouldn't feel so threatened if my husband said he would kill me if I cheated after he spent hours talking to his friend whose life is falling apart. Either the woman is a high maintenance self-centered drama queen or she's lying about how great her otherwise perfect relationship is.

This, up until he says it again in dead seriousness, after she admits she was slightly disturbed about it. 

I feel worse for the grandmother who has to watch her grandkids take the last name of the man who partially destroyed her dying son's marriage.
And seconded. Why would you do this to your kids, if you were previously married to the guy who died? But  this chick is an established selfish biatch. I mean, really, you can't even keep it in your pants until #1 dies, please forgive me? A couple of months too long to go without?
 
2013-02-05 12:45:53 PM
It's Andy Dick
 
2013-02-05 12:50:03 PM
this:
I threw caution to the wind and had a brief fling with this person? I'm not interested in his money, his fame, or having a future with him.

causes this:
how poorly he's treated women in the past.
 
2013-02-05 12:50:28 PM

killershark: I don't know... I wouldn't feel so threatened if my husband said he would kill me if I cheated after he spent hours talking to his friend whose life is falling apart. Either the woman is a high maintenance self-centered drama queen or she's lying about how great her otherwise perfect relationship is.

I feel worse for the grandmother who has to watch her grandkids take the last name of the man who partially destroyed her dying son's marriage.


I don't believe you for a second.
 
2013-02-05 12:50:31 PM

killershark: I don't know... I wouldn't feel so threatened if my husband said he would kill me if I cheated after he spent hours talking to his friend whose life is falling apart. Either the woman is a high maintenance self-centered drama queen or she's lying about how great her otherwise perfect relationship is.

I feel worse for the grandmother who has to watch her grandkids take the last name of the man who partially destroyed her dying son's marriage.


I have a hard time imagining ever looking at my wife and saying "if you ever do X, I will harm you." The mere thought of harming her just doesn't register in my head. The thought is anathema in my skull. I do think the two of them probably need to discuss this with a therapist to make sure there's no worry. And yes, I do have a good friend who is currently going through the dissolution of his marriage right now. My heart hurts for him, but I can't translate my frustration at his wife into ever envisioning doing harm to mine.

But yeah, that grandma is going to be in hell. It sounds like that daughter in law is a raging selfish biatch.
 
2013-02-05 12:50:37 PM

doubled99: It's Andy Dick


No, I don't think so.  Andy Dick would have already frottaged her to self-completion at a charity event and moved on to someone else by now.
 
2013-02-05 01:04:25 PM

jfivealive: Kill your wife for cheating?  What a pussy.  Obviously if you catch her cheating, you fark her mother, her sister, and then on her birthday,  make a bouquet garni out of the used condoms and serve her the 'ol family recipe' soup.  Bam!?


Also, go ahead and practice your "*sniff* This hurts so bad... *cry* why would she do this to me when all I ever did was love her?" speech and watch all the pity-pussy come rolling in...
 
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