If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Time)   Eight new revelations about ninjas. Read it quickly before they learn you're reading their deepest-kept secr   (world.time.com) divider line 52
    More: PSA, ninjas  
•       •       •

9610 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Feb 2013 at 10:24 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



52 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all
 
2013-02-05 10:20:07 AM  
#9: Ninjas don't do slideshows

Deslided
 
2013-02-05 10:27:35 AM  
s4.postimage.org
 
2013-02-05 10:28:04 AM  
 
2013-02-05 10:28:30 AM  
#10. Obama's death panels will contract out the killing of your grandma in the middle of the night to ninjas.
 
2013-02-05 10:29:02 AM  
Facts:


1.  Ninjas are mammals.
2.  Ninjas fight  ALL the time.
3.  The purpose of the ninja is to flip out and kill people.
 
2013-02-05 10:31:25 AM  
Haven't ninjas kinda jumped the shark (in a fabulous cartwheel formation)?
 
2013-02-05 10:36:36 AM  
Wow, that was...very lame.  You could learn that by picking up any number of books on the subject.  That Time magazine would devote space to it...is very disappointing.

There is still ninjutsu in existence today in Japan.  The "ninja" don't exist as they did, but their arts are still in existence and being transmitted to future generations.
 
2013-02-05 10:37:01 AM  
<i>Because Chinese always was a slightly more higher status way of talking, ninja tends to be higher status and became acceptable to foreigners.</i>

What is this I don't even.
 
2013-02-05 10:37:36 AM  
I always wondered just how well ninja-type assassins would've fared in Europe in the Middle Ages. These folks kept dogs everywhere, I mean, EVERYWHERE. Think you're silent as a mouse? To a dog, you might as well be doing hip-hop wearing pots and pans strapped to your ass. That oil you used to clean your equipment? Yeah, Ol'Yeller picked that up the second you came within 50 feet of the main tower. Sure, Japanese nobles kept dogs for hunting, but not everywhere in the friggin' house!
That's why most assassinations in Europe tended to take place when some noble was on his way to, in, or coming back from church. Less chance he'd be armed to the teeth, and not as much armour on as a general rule. Of course, there was always the "maille shirt under the tunic", very popular in Renaissance Italy.
 
2013-02-05 10:37:47 AM  
Came for real ultimate power, leaving satisfied
 
2013-02-05 10:37:54 AM  
"Ninja-ism"?  SRSLY?
 
2013-02-05 10:39:33 AM  
That was stupid. I want my three minutes back. Bad subby, bad.
 
2013-02-05 10:41:07 AM  
An 1853 print by famous Japanese artist Toyokuni Utagawa shows a ninja sneaking up behind a musician.

Clearly they were also music critics.
 
2013-02-05 10:44:27 AM  
#9 - They can install telephones!

/ninjas... they're wacky
 
2013-02-05 10:44:37 AM  
Without reading the article, here's one that I know:  Ninjas wore blue, not black.  The reason black caught on as the ninja color in popular culture is because in kabuki, anything black is considered "invisible" to the audience and so a ninja assassinating someone unseen would always be dressed in black from head to toe.
 
2013-02-05 10:46:14 AM  
And then he just fell over and his head hit the add comment button and sent what he had typed up to that point.
 
2013-02-05 10:49:14 AM  

cynicalbastard: I always wondered just how well ninja-type assassins would've fared in Europe in the Middle Ages. These folks kept dogs everywhere, I mean, EVERYWHERE. Think you're silent as a mouse? To a dog, you might as well be doing hip-hop wearing pots and pans strapped to your ass. That oil you used to clean your equipment? Yeah, Ol'Yeller picked that up the second you came within 50 feet of the main tower. Sure, Japanese nobles kept dogs for hunting, but not everywhere in the friggin' house!
That's why most assassinations in Europe tended to take place when some noble was on his way to, in, or coming back from church. Less chance he'd be armed to the teeth, and not as much armour on as a general rule. Of course, there was always the "maille shirt under the tunic", very popular in Renaissance Italy.


Very well.  Dogs can be trained to trigger off just sound and scent, but most actually don't.  They usually trigger off anxiety and the stress hormones.  Trained guard dogs aren't very hard to "dog whisper".  They are actually used to obeying silent commands from the calmest person who projects comfort and authority to them.  Police K-9 units never really like it when other people can call of their trained dogs allegedly trained to obey only their handlers.  Most will obey anyone not scared of them.
 
2013-02-05 10:57:43 AM  
Ninjas are deadly and silent.
They're also unspeakably violent.
They do what they please.
They speak Japanese.
And if you tear off their masks, they'll be smiling.
 
2013-02-05 11:05:47 AM  

cynicalbastard: I always wondered just how well ninja-type assassins would've fared in Europe in the Middle Ages. These folks kept dogs everywhere, I mean, EVERYWHERE. Think you're silent as a mouse? To a dog, you might as well be doing hip-hop wearing pots and pans strapped to your ass. That oil you used to clean your equipment? Yeah, Ol'Yeller picked that up the second you came within 50 feet of the main tower. Sure, Japanese nobles kept dogs for hunting, but not everywhere in the friggin' house!
That's why most assassinations in Europe tended to take place when some noble was on his way to, in, or coming back from church. Less chance he'd be armed to the teeth, and not as much armour on as a general rule. Of course, there was always the "maille shirt under the tunic", very popular in Renaissance Italy.


also, we had more powerful means of destroying an aristocrat that didn't require assassination.  character assassination.  get the church or monarchy involved.  bribe the local bishop, whatever.  it was not hard to find out that someone was a heretic.  that you way you could kill off the whole feudal lineage.  probably more powerful than just killing the one person. and much more frightening to a person who thinks of aristocracy as a thing to pass down his generations.
 
2013-02-05 11:06:38 AM  
FTFA: "Secretiveness was something that the samurai pretended to despise, but in fact the ninjas, as they always have been, were vital to military activity. And quite often the samurai during the day doubled as ninjas during the night."

Can you even imagine the awesomeness of a ninja-samurai?
 
2013-02-05 11:08:19 AM  

Mr Guy: cynicalbastard: I always wondered just how well ninja-type assassins would've fared in Europe in the Middle Ages. These folks kept dogs everywhere, I mean, EVERYWHERE. Think you're silent as a mouse? To a dog, you might as well be doing hip-hop wearing pots and pans strapped to your ass. That oil you used to clean your equipment? Yeah, Ol'Yeller picked that up the second you came within 50 feet of the main tower. Sure, Japanese nobles kept dogs for hunting, but not everywhere in the friggin' house!
That's why most assassinations in Europe tended to take place when some noble was on his way to, in, or coming back from church. Less chance he'd be armed to the teeth, and not as much armour on as a general rule. Of course, there was always the "maille shirt under the tunic", very popular in Renaissance Italy.

Very well.  Dogs can be trained to trigger off just sound and scent, but most actually don't.  They usually trigger off anxiety and the stress hormones.  Trained guard dogs aren't very hard to "dog whisper".  They are actually used to obeying silent commands from the calmest person who projects comfort and authority to them.  Police K-9 units never really like it when other people can call of their trained dogs allegedly trained to obey only their handlers.  Most will obey anyone not scared of them.


Care to test that with live dogs and no bite suit on two or three occasions?
 
2013-02-05 11:08:54 AM  
Mr Guy:

Very well.  Dogs can be trained to trigger off just sound and scent, but most actually don't.  They usually trigger off anxiety and the stress hormones.  Trained guard dogs aren't very hard to "dog whisper".  They are actually used to obeying silent commands from the calmest person who projects comfort and authority to them.  Police K-9 units never really like it when other people can call of their trained dogs allegedly trained to obey only their handlers.  Most will obey anyone not scared of them.

Not quite convinced here. First off, any stranger in their environment will be a source of stress. These aren't "attack dogs", these would normally be hunting animals, so there wouldn't be a pre-set list of commands they'd obey other than those associated with hunting. They'd be noisy as hell no matter what.
 
2013-02-05 11:12:01 AM  

Mr Guy: cynicalbastard: I always wondered just how well ninja-type assassins would've fared in Europe in the Middle Ages. These folks kept dogs everywhere, I mean, EVERYWHERE. Think you're silent as a mouse? To a dog, you might as well be doing hip-hop wearing pots and pans strapped to your ass. That oil you used to clean your equipment? Yeah, Ol'Yeller picked that up the second you came within 50 feet of the main tower. Sure, Japanese nobles kept dogs for hunting, but not everywhere in the friggin' house!
That's why most assassinations in Europe tended to take place when some noble was on his way to, in, or coming back from church. Less chance he'd be armed to the teeth, and not as much armour on as a general rule. Of course, there was always the "maille shirt under the tunic", very popular in Renaissance Italy.

Very well.  Dogs can be trained to trigger off just sound and scent, but most actually don't.  They usually trigger off anxiety and the stress hormones.  Trained guard dogs aren't very hard to "dog whisper".  They are actually used to obeying silent commands from the calmest person who projects comfort and authority to them.  Police K-9 units never really like it when other people can call of their trained dogs allegedly trained to obey only their handlers.  Most will obey anyone not scared of them.


Have you ever actually owned a dog?
 
2013-02-05 11:13:34 AM  
The other day I googled ninjas. Google came back with "ninjas cannot be found"..... Well played ninjas. Well played.
 
2013-02-05 11:14:28 AM  
Haha, a ninja killed you mid-sentence and then clicked submit.
 
2013-02-05 11:18:13 AM  

pute kisses like a man: cynicalbastard: I always wondered just how well ninja-type assassins would've fared in Europe in the Middle Ages. These folks kept dogs everywhere, I mean, EVERYWHERE. Think you're silent as a mouse? To a dog, you might as well be doing hip-hop wearing pots and pans strapped to your ass. That oil you used to clean your equipment? Yeah, Ol'Yeller picked that up the second you came within 50 feet of the main tower. Sure, Japanese nobles kept dogs for hunting, but not everywhere in the friggin' house!
That's why most assassinations in Europe tended to take place when some noble was on his way to, in, or coming back from church. Less chance he'd be armed to the teeth, and not as much armour on as a general rule. Of course, there was always the "maille shirt under the tunic", very popular in Renaissance Italy.

also, we had more powerful means of destroying an aristocrat that didn't require assassination.  character assassination.  get the church or monarchy involved.  bribe the local bishop, whatever.  it was not hard to find out that someone was a heretic.  that you way you could kill off the whole feudal lineage.  probably more powerful than just killing the one person. and much more frightening to a person who thinks of aristocracy as a thing to pass down his generations.


Well, that only worked IF someone didn't have a big damn army or too many connections. Then he could have HIS archbishop declare the other one a heretic. And they'd be doing so much simutaneous excommunication that noone would know who was on God's side, or vice-versa. And it wasn't unknown for a strong noble to attack church territories and only release the clergy and pull out on condition of a blanket pardon for all.
 
2013-02-05 11:20:11 AM  

cynicalbastard: I always wondered just how well ninja-type assassins would've fared in Europe in the Middle Ages. These folks kept dogs everywhere, I mean, EVERYWHERE. Think you're silent as a mouse? To a dog, you might as well be doing hip-hop wearing pots and pans strapped to your ass. That oil you used to clean your equipment? Yeah, Ol'Yeller picked that up the second you came within 50 feet of the main tower. Sure, Japanese nobles kept dogs for hunting, but not everywhere in the friggin' house!
That's why most assassinations in Europe tended to take place when some noble was on his way to, in, or coming back from church. Less chance he'd be armed to the teeth, and not as much armour on as a general rule. Of course, there was always the "maille shirt under the tunic", very popular in Renaissance Italy.


Obviously they would have employed ninja dogs to take care of the guard dogs.
 
2013-02-05 11:23:59 AM  
bite-prod.s3.amazonaws.com
 
2013-02-05 11:28:18 AM  

cynicalbastard: pute kisses like a man: cynicalbastard: I always wondered just how well ninja-type assassins would've fared in Europe in the Middle Ages. These folks kept dogs everywhere, I mean, EVERYWHERE. Think you're silent as a mouse? To a dog, you might as well be doing hip-hop wearing pots and pans strapped to your ass. That oil you used to clean your equipment? Yeah, Ol'Yeller picked that up the second you came within 50 feet of the main tower. Sure, Japanese nobles kept dogs for hunting, but not everywhere in the friggin' house!
That's why most assassinations in Europe tended to take place when some noble was on his way to, in, or coming back from church. Less chance he'd be armed to the teeth, and not as much armour on as a general rule. Of course, there was always the "maille shirt under the tunic", very popular in Renaissance Italy.

also, we had more powerful means of destroying an aristocrat that didn't require assassination.  character assassination.  get the church or monarchy involved.  bribe the local bishop, whatever.  it was not hard to find out that someone was a heretic.  that you way you could kill off the whole feudal lineage.  probably more powerful than just killing the one person. and much more frightening to a person who thinks of aristocracy as a thing to pass down his generations.

Well, that only worked IF someone didn't have a big damn army or too many connections. Then he could have HIS archbishop declare the other one a heretic. And they'd be doing so much simutaneous excommunication that noone would know who was on God's side, or vice-versa. And it wasn't unknown for a strong noble to attack church territories and only release the clergy and pull out on condition of a blanket pardon for all.


what a fun time...
 
2013-02-05 11:29:14 AM  
Need some more "The Tick" love from night of a million zillion ninja's

www.wizards.com
 
2013-02-05 11:44:58 AM  
Hey look, Fark finally picked up on something that was popular in 2007! Way to go, that's about 2 years faster than you usually do!
 
2013-02-05 11:53:34 AM  
The real surprise is that Hiroo Onoda is still alive, I thought he died in the early 90's for some reason.
 
2013-02-05 12:05:39 PM  
 
2013-02-05 12:25:54 PM  
img.photobucket.com
"An 1853 print by Japanese artist Toyokuni
Utagawa shows a ninja sneaking up behind
a musician."


I did not know that ninjas were such tough critics.
 
2013-02-05 12:35:18 PM  
Thank goodness they still deliver burgers, or I'd never eat.
 
2013-02-05 12:39:58 PM  

oldfarthenry: Haven't ninjas kinda jumped the shark (in a fabulous cartwheel formation)?


The new big thing is bacon-wrapped ninjas.  We can squeeze a little more life from this!
 
2013-02-05 12:51:56 PM  

Mock26: [img.photobucket.com image 260x359]
"An 1853 print by Japanese artist Toyokuni
Utagawa shows a ninja sneaking up behind
a musician."

I did not know that ninjas were such tough critics.


Buddie's probably hung over. You ever hear koto music when you're hung over?
 
2013-02-05 01:41:10 PM  

Mock26: [img.photobucket.com image 260x359]
"An 1853 print by Japanese artist Toyokuni
Utagawa shows a ninja sneaking up behind
a musician."

I did not know that ninjas were such tough critics.


obviously this is Fark so i know you're joking, but the musician could have been a subversive, a mole, or an enemy spy.
 
2013-02-05 01:41:51 PM  

illuminatis: FTFA: "Secretiveness was something that the samurai pretended to despise, but in fact the ninjas, as they always have been, were vital to military activity. And quite often the samurai during the day doubled as ninjas during the night."

Can you even imagine the awesomeness of a ninja-samurai?


I can imagine the sleep deprivation...lousy feudal economy, gotta hold down two jobs just to keep the family in kimonos and sword oil...
 
2013-02-05 01:42:41 PM  

hdhale: An 1853 print by famous Japanese artist Toyokuni Utagawa shows a ninja sneaking up behind a musician.

Clearly they were also music critics.


Who among us can honestly say they've never wanted to murder a samisen player?
 
2013-02-05 01:48:42 PM  

cynicalbastard: I always wondered just how well ninja-type assassins would've fared in Europe in the Middle Ages. These folks kept dogs everywhere, I mean, EVERYWHERE. Think you're silent as a mouse? To a dog, you might as well be doing hip-hop wearing pots and pans strapped to your ass. That oil you used to clean your equipment? Yeah, Ol'Yeller picked that up the second you came within 50 feet of the main tower. Sure, Japanese nobles kept dogs for hunting, but not everywhere in the friggin' house!
That's why most assassinations in Europe tended to take place when some noble was on his way to, in, or coming back from church. Less chance he'd be armed to the teeth, and not as much armour on as a general rule. Of course, there was always the "maille shirt under the tunic", very popular in Renaissance Italy.


Your European assassin in the Middle Ages didn't really go in for stealth...or subtlety.

Full armor, wearing their heraldry, middle of a crowed cathedral, was more their style.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_Becket#Assassination
 
2013-02-05 01:52:50 PM  
That article got me so pumped I kicked my dog in the face. Then I popped like 87 boners while 3 guitar solos wailed in the distance.
 
2013-02-05 02:00:37 PM  

Maxor: Care to test that with live dogs and no bite suit on two or three occasions?


Depends on what we're testing.  If we test my ability to walk up to a trained police dog, or a large kennel of dogs, without them overreacting to my presence or considering me a threat, sure, I do that all the time.  If we're testing whether or not a dog that is expected to be extremely territorial will let you someone right by them if they are moving slowly and with confidence, then I think we all know that's not that surprising, either.  If we are testing my ability to repeat the orders I've overheard them given, particularly instructions to settle down once they've tensed up, no problem there as well, when the dogs aren't otherwise following orders, that usually works pretty well too.  I'm not talking about soothing an animal given specific instructions to attack me.

cynicalbastard: They'd be noisy as hell no matter what.


Yeah but that's the problem with using loud dogs as alarm dogs.  If you don't train them to be quiet normally, any random sound sets them off, and all you have to do is make sure the noise stays relatively constant.  If you DO train them to only alert on threats, it's very difficult to teach a dog to distinguish between friends and enemies mostly just teaching them to be aggressive toward types of people that scare you, and it's not that hard to avoid triggering those behaviors in a dog.

Going back to the original comment, all I'm saying is burglars and elite fighting squads these days usually don't have a problem with dogs, neither would ninjas in the middle ages.  Dogs are better offensive weapons and sensor systems than guards.
 
2013-02-05 02:11:53 PM  
It's nice to know that John Boy became a British travel writer and historian when he grew up, just as he had always dreamed.
 
2013-02-05 02:14:24 PM  

Snark Shark II: Mock26: [img.photobucket.com image 260x359]
"An 1853 print by Japanese artist Toyokuni
Utagawa shows a ninja sneaking up behind
a musician."

I did not know that ninjas were such tough critics.

obviously this is Fark so i know you're joking, but the musician could have been a subversive, a mole, or an enemy spy.


This is Fark so I am going with "he sucked so bad it gave the ninja a headache."

:-D
 
2013-02-05 02:16:09 PM  

kkinnison: Need some more "The Tick" love from night of a million zillion ninja's

[www.wizards.com image 300x256]


Why in all of hades would you talk about a "night of a million zillion ninjas" and then post a picture of a hedge?  I am confused by this.
 
2013-02-05 02:50:43 PM  
iaazathot:

There is still ninjutsu in existence today in Japan.  The "ninja" don't exist as they did, but their arts are still in existence and being transmitted to future generations.

Nope that's the opposite of what the article says.  Great article, I learned something new.
 
2013-02-05 05:06:50 PM  

illuminatis: FTFA: "Secretiveness was something that the samurai pretended to despise, but in fact the ninjas, as they always have been, were vital to military activity. And quite often the samurai during the day doubled as ninjas during the night."

Can you even imagine the awesomeness of a ninja-samurai?


fc09.deviantart.net
Clockwork Nazi ninjas are even more impressive.  And terrifying.
 
2013-02-05 05:08:56 PM  

Snark Shark II: Mock26: [img.photobucket.com image 260x359]
"An 1853 print by Japanese artist Toyokuni
Utagawa shows a ninja sneaking up behind
a musician."

I did not know that ninjas were such tough critics.

obviously this is Fark so i know you're joking, but the musician could have been a subversive, a mole, or an enemy spy.


Or, worse, a pirate.

/And yes, some pirates are musicians.  A pirate does what he wants 'cause a pirate is free.
 
2013-02-05 05:11:53 PM  

Mock26: Snark Shark II: Mock26: [img.photobucket.com image 260x359]
"An 1853 print by Japanese artist Toyokuni
Utagawa shows a ninja sneaking up behind
a musician."

I did not know that ninjas were such tough critics.

obviously this is Fark so i know you're joking, but the musician could have been a subversive, a mole, or an enemy spy.

This is Fark so I am going with "he sucked so bad it gave the ninja a headache."


It could have been for any reason, or even for no reason at all.  After all, ninjas can kill anyone they want!  Ninjas cut off heads ALL the time and don't even think twice about it.  These guys are so crazy and awesome that they flip out ALL the time.  I heard that there was this ninja who was eating at a diner.  And when some dude dropped a spoon the ninja killed the whole town.  My friend Mark said that he saw a ninja totally uppercut some kid just because the kid opened a window.
 
Displayed 50 of 52 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report