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(Muskogee Phoenix)   Mom, coping with loss of her infant son Jake, collects prom dresses to give to those who can't afford it, calling the project "Dresses for Jake's Dates"   (muskogeephoenix.com) divider line 50
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5455 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Feb 2013 at 12:57 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-04 11:50:11 AM
9 votes:
While I approve of this particular charity, the name is... sorta unnerving.
2013-02-04 01:07:59 PM
6 votes:
What a great way to turn a personal tragedy into something positive! No snark from me, I think this is wonderful.
2013-02-04 03:25:44 PM
3 votes:

lewismarktwo: Actually, being gay would only increase the likelihood that he would actually go to the prom and with a female date.


This. My little brother took more girls to prom than a limo despite being quite openly gay. He dances well and dads don't find him threatening.

And altruism can be the best, healthiest way to manage grief. I've never had a child to lose, but I did have a kitten die very tragically, so now I foster baby kittens whose mothers have died or abandoned them until they are big enough to be adopted. And yes, some of them die from birth defects or side effects of their poor condition when I get them, but I save more than I lose by a wide margin and at least each one was well cared-for and loved before passing peacefully. I also raise money for spay-and-neutering low-income families' cats, trap-neuter-release of feral cats, and last year my husband and I personally raised 27 kittens to adoption age, paid for the spay or neutering of SIXTY low-income families' pets and TNR'd seven ferals who are now vaccinated against rabies and all the common cat diseases and well fed by the farmer in whose barn they live.

If I ever lost a child, I'm pretty sure you'd find me in twelve years at the head of a non-profit daycare co-op system for low-income families -unless I went full bonkers with grief and started quietly killing people who traffic children for sex work. Or maybe both.

Grief, after all, is what turned Bruce Wayne into Batman. It can be a fearsome thing.
2013-02-04 02:23:46 PM
3 votes:
My first reaction was that this is a cool charity with a creepy name. Then I got to this part of the article:

"Garrett said one of her friends was listening to a group of teenagers talk about whom they were going to date and whom they were going with to prom, when the name hit her.
"She said to me, 'In 15 years, you'll be wondering who Jake would have taken to prom,'"


and thought "holy shiat, her friend really has no filter...who SAYS that?". My response wouldn't have been nearly as calm or productive.

After thinking about it a bit, I decided that although I probably wouldn't have named a charity after my dead son, I can kinda see why she did. In fundraising, name recognition is half the battle, and in her case the name and backstory make her charity notable/memorable. We wouldn't be talking about it if she'd called it "Prom Dresses for Poor Girls". And for those saying she's just an attention whore, in fundraising that's kinda the point.
2013-02-04 01:58:23 PM
3 votes:
This story really hits home for me, because I too had an infant son named Jake die too soon. In fact, I've had a similar means of coping with it.

Even though he couldn't talk yet, Jake really liked to go to the park and sit by the pond where they fed the ducks. It's something we did together all the time, until one morning we woke up to find that he was no longer with us.

As I sat at the duck pond by myself, I thought of the birthday I'd planned for Jake, that was going to be right here by the place he loved so well. A birthday we'd never get to celebrate. And then I thought of all the birthdays that we would miss, until it was too much to bear. Then I considered other children, who didn't get to have birthday parties, and my mind was made up as to what to do.

I started a program where I distributed small, packaged cakes to those children who didn't have any for their birthdays. Naturally, I called them "Jake's Cakes", and each one has a picture of a duck, in honor of the little guy.
2013-02-04 03:16:01 PM
2 votes:
I think this is actually a really lovely idea and a really kind thing to do for others. If she can take her pain and turn it into doing something kind? That's pretty impressive.
2013-02-04 03:07:36 PM
2 votes:

preybyemail: bruegel: lostcat: Obviously this mom thought so little of her son she assumed the only girls he'd be dating come from families who can't afford to buy a prom dress.

Way to aim high.

She is also assuming he was not gay.

Does anyone *hope* that thier kid is gay?


Actually, being gay would only increase the likelihood that he would actually go to the prom and with a female date.
2013-02-04 02:46:17 PM
2 votes:

preybyemail: CADMonkey79: preybyemail: dopekitty74: netizencain: "Sudden Unexplained Infant Death Syndrome"  When did 'unexplained' get added to the soup?

Also... attention whore.  If she wanted to do something nice she should just do it.  Instead of all the fireworks and flags.  Nice idea but a bit narcissistic.

How is she an attention whore? She needs to promote the charity to get more prom dresses donated and reach out to even more kids in need. And with her likes for deeds thing, she gets more ideas on unique ways to help.

A bunch of self absorbed, cynical assholes who think donating ten bucks to the reddit charity of the week makes them philanthropists.

This chick busts her ass to make her grief mean something and helps people out in real life. Of course she gets run down.

On the positive side, its a great thread for marking trolls and world-class a-holes.

All i usually do is troll, and im not very good at it, but this kid on the way has changed me already.

Im so nervous about the whole thing. Is it healthy, is it growing right, how will we do as parents. Its just one area i cant joke or pretend to troll about.

Sorry yall.


You'll be fine. Just look at all the stupid people out there with kids and realize that you can't help but do a better job than they do.
2013-02-04 02:38:19 PM
2 votes:

CapeFearCadaver: CADMonkey79: Did you think that joke would be funnier the second time?

[farm3.staticflickr.com image 410x361]


The joke didn't offend me it just wasn't very good.  Certainly not worthy of being posted twice in the same thread.
2013-02-04 02:33:37 PM
2 votes:

Cymbal: Fark_Guy_Rob: I don't see the relationship between an infant son dying and some lady collecting prom dresses to give to poor kids.

I really don't see the point in naming it 'Dresses for Jake's Dates'.  'Hey, poor girl, want a nice prom dress?  Great!  Now, you are my dead infant son's date.  Enjoy!'

Creeeeepy.

She's probably just using the free dresses to make sure theses unwashed masses of white trash have a hanger readily available for hooking the inevitable prom night dumpster baby.


Did you think that joke would be funnier the second time?
2013-02-04 02:21:46 PM
2 votes:
EyeballKid: "And if your prom date tells you about the dress she got from a charity centered around a dead baby, you can pretty much kiss those chances of getting any buh-bye. "

Straight guys in high school are largely *defined* by the number of warning sings they will miss or willfully ignore in the pursuit of sex.
A young woman who mentions a such a charity may never hear from the guy afterward, but she'll still be able to get some.
2013-02-04 02:05:43 PM
2 votes:

Bedstead Polisher: At first it does seem a bit creepy, but as others have said it's a better way to cope.
She seems to be really focused on doing good things for others and there's really nothing wrong with that.


Seriously. Dealing with a child dying has gotta be next level awful. So, she has channeled her grief into helping some girls go to prom. I wouldn't say it was really newsworthy  but it sounds like a perfectly healthy way to deal with it.
2013-02-04 01:58:18 PM
2 votes:

Cymbal: SuperChuck: SevenizGud: FTFA:
On May 16, 2012, at just 7 1/2 months old, Jacob died. He was a victim, like thousands of infants each year, of Sudden Unexplained Infant Death Syndrome.

"How do you even begin to cope with that?" his mother asked.

Maybe start by not putting the infant in the crib face down, you FARKing tard.

/she should be in prison

At 7.5 months, the kid is more than capable of lifting his head on his own. It doesn't matter which way you lay him down by that age.

This. There are motion sensors that are sensitive enough to detect when a baby stops breathing. You place it between the mattress and the crib springs, and the sensitivity can be adjusted. Now if she didn't have one of those then she is certainly negligent.


I don't think there are many parents that use motion detectors to detect breathing. I know the farthest I went was a baby monitor. Mostly, you just have to be careful what else is in bed with the baby.
2013-02-04 01:50:54 PM
2 votes:

netizencain: "Sudden Unexplained Infant Death Syndrome"  When did 'unexplained' get added to the soup?

Also... attention whore.  If she wanted to do something nice she should just do it.  Instead of all the fireworks and flags.  Nice idea but a bit narcissistic.


How is she an attention whore? She needs to promote the charity to get more prom dresses donated and reach out to even more kids in need. And with her likes for deeds thing, she gets more ideas on unique ways to help.
2013-02-04 01:36:19 PM
2 votes:

The Evil Home Brewer: Abe Vigoda's Ghost: This is not healthy. It's just really creepy. Hopefully this woman seeks out professional help.

<a target="_blank" data-cke-saved-href="netizencain: Also... attention whore.  If she wanted to do something nice she should just do it.  Instead of all the fireworks and flags.  Nice idea but a bit narcissistic.

I would disagree.... She's coping with her pain in a very creative manner. As for the "fireworks & flags?" Advertising is still the best way to get others to support the cause, advertise it in their own communities, collect clothing donations, perhaps even open up chapters in other communities.

As a father who watched his firstborn die a minute after she was born? I applaud this woman's approach to dealing with grief. I have helped to counsel many people over the years who allow their marriages to fall apart, their relationships to stagnate, and their personal care to become nonexistent because of their terrible loss. This woman is coping by HELPING OTHERS .... Would you prefer if she sought donations to give to a church in her son's name?


THIS

As creepy as it looks in some ways, the important thing is this lady and her hubby are using a creative and helpful outlet to handle their pain. Giving some girls a half decent dress to go to the prom is an interesting charity.

Creepy or not, at least she didn't go postal on others or start kidnapping other people's babies or etc.
2013-02-04 01:25:44 PM
2 votes:

Smeggy Smurf: A bit unconventional but what the hell.  It beats the broad drowning herself in booze.


It's a little more... colorful.. than I'd have phrased it, but otherwise, this. Not the sort of coping mechanism one sees everyday, but I can't bring myself to complain. Helping people feels good; it's no surprise that many people hitting low points in their lives would throw themselves into that task, one way or another.
2013-02-04 01:04:16 PM
2 votes:
And if your prom date tells you about the dress she got from a charity centered around a dead baby, you can pretty much kiss those chances of getting any buh-bye.
2013-02-04 12:52:44 PM
2 votes:

TheBeastOfYuccaFlats: While I approve of this particular charity, the name is... sorta unnerving.


Yeah, I mean, wouldn't high school girls dating an infant be completely inappropriate? Like, Chris Hansen gets involved inappropriate?
2013-02-04 04:36:28 PM
1 votes:

The My Little Pony Killer: To The Escape Zeppelin!: The My Little Pony Killer: mongbiohazard: The My Little Pony Killer: I wonder how she made the connection between wanting to do something to commemorate her lost child and prom dresses for poor girls.

Yeah, I don't get that either. I just know it's creepy as hell and she needs professional help.

She's taking a bad feeling and trying to turn it into something positive for somebody other than herself.

/so I can see how some Farkers would find that 'creepy'

It's not the turning tragedy into something good that's creepy, it's the weird "my dead infant son would have loved to take you to prom" angle.

Really?  You don't see the "my dead son can't go to prom, but there's no reason you shouldn't be able to" angle?


You have to admit that's kind of a weird direction to take things.

I mean, Prom? That would have been 16 years away. Wouldn't something like "my dead son can't eat baby food, but the needy kids I give free food to can!" have been a bit more logical?

/yes, I know, grief isn't logical, and is now a mental illness anyway.
2013-02-04 04:23:21 PM
1 votes:
That'ssssss... a really strange.. really, really strange name. Really bizarre. But whatever, I'm not going to be the jerk that dumps on person's grieving process.
2013-02-04 04:22:08 PM
1 votes:
I liked this story. . .this family came up with a really unusual idea, so not everybody gets it.  Still, it's a heartfelt effort from them, and it's a lovely memorial for Jake.  So many girls will remember this kindness at a vulnerable point in their lives.  Bravo!
2013-02-04 03:35:24 PM
1 votes:

The My Little Pony Killer: mongbiohazard: The My Little Pony Killer: I wonder how she made the connection between wanting to do something to commemorate her lost child and prom dresses for poor girls.

Yeah, I don't get that either. I just know it's creepy as hell and she needs professional help.

She's taking a bad feeling and trying to turn it into something positive for somebody other than herself.

/so I can see how some Farkers would find that 'creepy'


It's not the turning tragedy into something good that's creepy, it's the weird "my dead infant son would have loved to take you to prom" angle.
2013-02-04 03:25:30 PM
1 votes:

5monkeys: Holy fark. Some of you need help. Or friends. Or to get laid. Or more meds.


I could use a little bit of all four,
2013-02-04 03:24:13 PM
1 votes:
Holy fark. Some of you need help. Or friends. Or to get laid. Or more meds.
2013-02-04 03:04:58 PM
1 votes:
Maybe she's only collecting the really slutty dresses with the hopes that the poor girl that gets one will put out, get knocked up, and have to put the baby up for adoption.

Then she gets a baby back
2013-02-04 03:01:02 PM
1 votes:

preybyemail: PsychoLaurie: What if Jake was actually gay & his prom date was supposed to be male? What then?

Be happy they didnt have a kid with a birth defect?


Implying that being straight is a birth defect, right? That's a pretty daring direction for a troll.
2013-02-04 02:51:49 PM
1 votes:

Fark_Guy_Rob: I don't see the relationship between an infant son dying and some lady collecting prom dresses to give to poor kids.

I really don't see the point in naming it 'Dresses for Jake's Dates'.  'Hey, poor girl, want a nice prom dress?  Great!  Now, you are my dead infant son's date.  Enjoy!'

Creeeeepy.


"I didnt read the article in question, which stated clearly how the idea came about. I did however talk shiat about the nice lady who is doing a hell of alot to help people, but i wouldnt know because i didnt read the article we are discussing."
2013-02-04 02:45:19 PM
1 votes:

Mayhem of the Black Underclass: netizencain: "Sudden Unexplained Infant Death Syndrome" When did 'unexplained' get added to the soup?

actually that's no longer the full name, in ICD-9 798.0 it is now refered to as Sudden Unexplained Infant/Child Instant Death Expiration Syndrome. And it is, in fact, painless.


Crazy meatball surgeon.
2013-02-04 02:29:19 PM
1 votes:

preybyemail: dopekitty74: netizencain: "Sudden Unexplained Infant Death Syndrome"  When did 'unexplained' get added to the soup?

Also... attention whore.  If she wanted to do something nice she should just do it.  Instead of all the fireworks and flags.  Nice idea but a bit narcissistic.

How is she an attention whore? She needs to promote the charity to get more prom dresses donated and reach out to even more kids in need. And with her likes for deeds thing, she gets more ideas on unique ways to help.

A bunch of self absorbed, cynical assholes who think donating ten bucks to the reddit charity of the week makes them philanthropists.

This chick busts her ass to make her grief mean something and helps people out in real life. Of course she gets run down.


On the positive side, its a great thread for marking trolls and world-class a-holes.
2013-02-04 02:19:36 PM
1 votes:

Millennium: SevenizGud: FTFA:
On May 16, 2012, at just 7 1/2 months old, Jacob died. He was a victim, like thousands of infants each year, of Sudden Unexplained Infant Death Syndrome.

"How do you even begin to cope with that?" his mother asked.

Maybe start by not putting the infant in the crib face down, you FARKing tard.

/she should be in prison

The whole face-up/face-down thing has gone back and forth enough times over the years that I don't think it's a safe assumption to cry negligence, especially based on an assumption like that.


At 7.5 months the baby is able to roll around on his own, anyways.
2013-02-04 02:13:35 PM
1 votes:

dopekitty74: netizencain: "Sudden Unexplained Infant Death Syndrome"  When did 'unexplained' get added to the soup?

Also... attention whore.  If she wanted to do something nice she should just do it.  Instead of all the fireworks and flags.  Nice idea but a bit narcissistic.

How is she an attention whore? She needs to promote the charity to get more prom dresses donated and reach out to even more kids in need. And with her likes for deeds thing, she gets more ideas on unique ways to help.


A bunch of self absorbed, cynical assholes who think donating ten bucks to the reddit charity of the week makes them philanthropists.

This chick busts her ass to make her grief mean something and helps people out in real life. Of course she gets run down.
2013-02-04 02:05:04 PM
1 votes:

Cagey B: This story really hits home for me, because I too had an infant son named Jake die too soon. In fact, I've had a similar means of coping with it.

Even though he couldn't talk yet, Jake really liked to go to the park and sit by the pond where they fed the ducks. It's something we did together all the time, until one morning we woke up to find that he was no longer with us.

As I sat at the duck pond by myself, I thought of the birthday I'd planned for Jake, that was going to be right here by the place he loved so well. A birthday we'd never get to celebrate. And then I thought of all the birthdays that we would miss, until it was too much to bear. Then I considered other children, who didn't get to have birthday parties, and my mind was made up as to what to do.

I started a program where I distributed small, packaged cakes to those children who didn't have any for their birthdays. Naturally, I called them "Jake's Cakes", and each one has a picture of a duck, in honor of the little guy.


First the article made me cry, then you did. I applaud what you and this lady are doing. Hugs!
2013-02-04 02:00:33 PM
1 votes:
i1086.photobucket.com
2013-02-04 01:56:49 PM
1 votes:
At first it does seem a bit creepy, but as others have said it's a better way to cope.
She seems to be really focused on doing good things for others and there's really nothing wrong with that.
2013-02-04 01:43:58 PM
1 votes:
Is there really a demand for baby sized prom dresses?
2013-02-04 01:31:58 PM
1 votes:

mongbiohazard: The My Little Pony Killer: I wonder how she made the connection between wanting to do something to commemorate her lost child and prom dresses for poor girls.

Yeah, I don't get that either. I just know it's creepy as hell and she needs professional help.


She's taking a bad feeling and trying to turn it into something positive for somebody other than herself.

/so I can see how some Farkers would find that 'creepy'
2013-02-04 01:30:31 PM
1 votes:

CapeFearCadaver: inner ted: came for the thisisQuinninabox.jpg

farkes be slipping
leaving oddly satisfied

I came for Babyquarium too.

/disappointed


goddamitsomuch

was trying to be all "i'm above laughing at dead babies"

and you have to come in with "babyquarium"

mutherfarker
2013-02-04 01:22:53 PM
1 votes:

inner ted: came for the thisisQuinninabox.jpg

farkes be slipping
leaving oddly satisfied


I came for Babyquarium too.

/disappointed
2013-02-04 01:22:44 PM
1 votes:
How convenient these dresses will all be on hangars that will certainly prove useful in hooking the inevitable prom night dumpster babies all of these poor white trash surely have.
2013-02-04 01:21:58 PM
1 votes:

SevenizGud: FTFA:
On May 16, 2012, at just 7 1/2 months old, Jacob died. He was a victim, like thousands of infants each year, of Sudden Unexplained Infant Death Syndrome.

"How do you even begin to cope with that?" his mother asked.

Maybe start by not putting the infant in the crib face down, you FARKing tard.

/she should be in prison


The whole face-up/face-down thing has gone back and forth enough times over the years that I don't think it's a safe assumption to cry negligence, especially based on an assumption like that.
2013-02-04 01:20:32 PM
1 votes:

SevenizGud: FTFA:
On May 16, 2012, at just 7 1/2 months old, Jacob died. He was a victim, like thousands of infants each year, of Sudden Unexplained Infant Death Syndrome.

"How do you even begin to cope with that?" his mother asked.

Maybe start by not putting the infant in the crib face down, you FARKing tard.

/she should be in prison


At 7.5 months, the kid is more than capable of lifting his head on his own. It doesn't matter which way you lay him down by that age.
2013-02-04 01:20:11 PM
1 votes:

The My Little Pony Killer: I wonder how she made the connection between wanting to do something to commemorate her lost child and prom dresses for poor girls.


She was probably thinking about how much she was looking forward to seeing him take a girlfriend to prom, and went from there. "Rented Tuxes for Jake's Bros" doesn't quite have the same ring to it.
2013-02-04 01:18:04 PM
1 votes:
This doesn't sound like coping as much as it does a nervous breakdown.

But it might get the attention of people who will help her cope.
2013-02-04 01:16:31 PM
1 votes:
The kid got off easy, he didn't have to live with that whack job.

uh, where did all the dingos go?
2013-02-04 01:15:45 PM
1 votes:

Magnanimous_J: The girls can get the dresses, but they have to come over to the lady's house and look into the jake jar and thank him.


i49.tinypic.com

                  Now say thank you to Jake.

/Maybe it's the name, "Jakes's Dates" that I find so creepy.
2013-02-04 01:08:22 PM
1 votes:
Dresses for Jake's Dates would also be a good name for a band. In fact, I think they were the band that played at the Prom in the movie, My Little Prom Date.

Then again, maybe I'm just imagining it. As readers of Fark.com threads know by now, I am constantly roiling with alternative realities, books, movies, dialogues, cartoons, theories, etc.

My mind to me a kingdom is. It's like the Tardis in there, only messier.
2013-02-04 01:04:07 PM
1 votes:
I think I saw that movie.

Isn't that the one where one of the conditions of the free prom dress is that you have to take Jake to the prom? He's in a bottle, except, of course, when some joker unscrews the lid and Jake the Kid runs amuck with an ice pick, killing dozens of teenagers and weird chaperons and teachers.

Inspired by a true story, I hear.
2013-02-04 01:02:50 PM
1 votes:
I understand coping with loss can be difficult, but this is a little creepy.
2013-02-04 01:01:34 PM
1 votes:
I read that as "porn dresses" for some reason. Was confused.
2013-02-04 12:59:58 PM
1 votes:

IgG4: -CHECOTAH?


It sounds Okie to me.
 
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