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(The Sun)   DNA used to prove "Yeti" terrorizing Russia for three years is an American   (thesun.co.uk) divider line 39
    More: Amusing, DNA, Russia, Americans, Yogi, emma, DNA tests  
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10790 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Feb 2013 at 8:16 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-03 04:51:12 PM
FTFA: His tests reveal one, a long, thick, distinctive hair, comes from a rare type of black bear from North America - Ursus americanus. They can reach 7ft - just like the yeti sighted at Shoria.

The other two hairs turned out to be from a racoon and a horse.


Great. Now we have to worry about Manbearpig and Yetiraccoonhorse?

When will the madness stop?!?
 
2013-02-03 05:05:34 PM
I thought they were going to tell us they'd found an old hippie chick wandering about Russia, lost from her isolated communist commune and unsure of what was going on around her. Is it wrong of me to be a little disappointed that was not the case?

/woulda been cool to read they had dna recovered from a pair of Birkenstocks
//or dna recovered from armpit and/or leg hair
///or dna recovered from armpit and/or leg hair found in an ancient pair of Birkenstocks
 
2013-02-03 05:16:31 PM
top geneticists

Top men.

/seriously, your bottom geneticists could've gotten this right
//they'd start by grabbing their worst microscope and checking hair geometry etc
///I could be wrong
////IANABearScientist
//IAABullShiatter
//bearshiatter
//in your woods
//Pope made me do it
 
2013-02-03 05:24:33 PM
And?
 
2013-02-03 06:13:58 PM

TheYeti: And?


It was YOU!
 
2013-02-03 06:28:27 PM
d24w6bsrhbeh9d.cloudfront.net
 
2013-02-03 06:40:38 PM
I think we should make Sarah Palin go retrieve it.
 
2013-02-03 08:18:11 PM
Mom?
 
2013-02-03 08:19:11 PM
I would have assumed Lebanese or Italian.
 
2013-02-03 08:20:29 PM
Maybe Yeti is the bear's name!
 
2013-02-03 08:23:43 PM
media.comicvine.com

Wanted for questioning in Russia.
 
2013-02-03 08:24:24 PM

FatherChaos: [media.comicvine.com image 281x343]

Wanted for questioning in Russia.


Man, Rolling Stone really was run by a bunch of assholes.
 
2013-02-03 08:25:23 PM
At least they aren't eating horse burgers.

/oh wait...
 
2013-02-03 08:33:24 PM
"Yeti terrorized Russia?"

"No, Yeti stayed in the woods.  A black bear terrorized Russia.  We're not sure how he got loose."

"Howie got loose?"

"Scared silly by the bear.  Poor Howie ran off screaming and he was never seen again."

"Andy was never seen again?"

"Mauled by the bear.  He never knew what hit him."

"Newwut hit him?"

"DAMMIT FRANK THAT'S NOT EVEN A NAME"
 
2013-02-03 08:38:14 PM
I watched a few minutes of that searching for bigfoot series on one of the cable networks, and they were showing amateur video of what was so obviously a bear standing up in some bushes, and then dropping down to all fours, that it took me all of 3 seconds to figure out what it was. I assume they spent the entire show trying to figure it out, and concluded with it being a big unanswered mystery, but I changed the channel.
 
2013-02-03 08:48:00 PM
You ain't seen nuthin yeti
 
2013-02-03 08:48:48 PM
Yeah, some "scientists" are being paid big bucks to research this kind of thing, no wonder they've taken so long and had so much inconclusiveness."Hmmm,this is bear Dna. We'll say we need more hair and tests for another 2 years". Visually, animals with mange can long startlingly different than usual.
 
2013-02-03 08:55:52 PM
MANBEARPIG!

/of all the people who go hunting, you think we'd have carcass if the thing in a museum by now
//crazy must be contagious
 
2013-02-03 09:03:59 PM
That's what happen when you hire polish contractors to help you cover up your indigenous mythical monsters. You need a Norwegian bear, they bring a Russian bear. You need a Russian bear, they bring an American bear.
 
2013-02-03 09:17:43 PM

No Time To Explain: MANBEARPIG!

/of all the people who go hunting, you think we'd have carcass if the thing in a museum by now
//crazy must be contagious


Carcasses don't last long in the wild, and while I agree with the sentiment, it's possible that there is a valid reason why a carcass has yet to be discovered.

I've spent a LONG time in wild terrain around the world, and it is a rare occasion when I stumble upon something recognizable as a carcass. Usually the carcass is set upon by all the other critters until there isn't much of anything left.

While the Yeti is supposed to be a huge motherfarker, there is certainly a chance that their carcasses may be consumed in some remote rugged area before any man can recognize it for what it is/was.
 
2013-02-03 09:18:32 PM

No Time To Explain: MANBEARPIG!

/of all the people who go hunting, you think we'd have carcass if the thing in a museum by now
//crazy must be contagious



Or a fossil record.
 
2013-02-03 09:19:42 PM

TheYeti: And?


You must wait forever for threads like this.
 
2013-02-03 09:21:35 PM

antidisestablishmentarianism: [d24w6bsrhbeh9d.cloudfront.net image 600x411]


An American Yeti in Russia.

Wasn't that a movie?
 
2013-02-03 09:22:44 PM

big pig peaches: That's what happen when you hire polish contractors to help you cover up your indigenous mythical monsters. You need a Norwegian bear, they bring a Russian bear. You need a Russian bear, they bring an American bear.


That's the Chicago way!

/Also, "Never bring a bear to a yeti fight."
 
2013-02-03 09:26:29 PM

Mr_Fabulous: TheYeti: And?

You must wait forever for threads like this.


This is Fark.  A thread involving yetis pops up about once a month.

Now, if it were transsexual dwarf yetis who had mastered Tuvan throat singing, that would be unusual.
 
2013-02-03 09:40:30 PM
On another tack, I have to say that if I were out wandering around and ran into this thing - I wouldn't be terribly reassured.  A 7' pissed off black bear is really effectively absolutely 0 improvement over an 8' tall vaugely man-shaped hairy dude.  Although black bears are usually not terribly agressive (for bears mind you), I still have no desire at all to run into one.  Specially full grown, quite possibly escaped from human captivity and with a giant farkin' axe to grind about it, and hungry or pissed off.

Yeah... survey says you is fooked mate.
 
2013-02-03 09:53:00 PM
so...

...how exactly did a Sun journalist happen to come into possession of suspected yeti hair samples from three different parts of SIberia?

/well, that's what I want to know.
 
2013-02-03 09:57:21 PM
Maybe it's a werebear.

gatherer.wizards.com
 
2013-02-03 10:35:28 PM

FatherChaos: [media.comicvine.com image 281x343]

Wanted for questioning in Russia.


I was thinking more that Ron Jeremy was in the hospital.
 
2013-02-03 10:42:03 PM
Awesome story in this book regarding a possible bigfoot sighting.

1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-02-03 10:56:44 PM
Alright, can you all account for your whereabouts over the last three years?
 
2013-02-03 10:57:11 PM
A lot of people are susceptible to yeti mind tricks.
 
2013-02-03 11:15:47 PM
Wanted for questoning
www.wowpedia.org
 
2013-02-03 11:21:33 PM
Science works, biatches!

How often have I said to you that when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth? --Sherlock Holmes.

I can imagine the cryptozoologists laughing and asking how probable is it that a black bear might get loose in Russia, thousands of miles from their native land.

This makes me laugh because in the case where the scientists claimed that the UFOs were street lamps, it was, in fact, true. It was pretty obvious to an unbiased observer that the alleged UFOs were "flying" in the same formation as streetlamps (on the streets of Washington, DC) and that they were merely an artifact, a reflection due to the camera lens.

Now, you could claim that the airforce does a lousy job of using radar to detect flying craft, even over the nation's capital, and that UFOs don't show up on radar, and that the Government is in league with the UFOs, and that no aircraft could fly over the Captal for some reason, or so forth, but in the end, it really was street lamps, either reflected by the camera lens or reflecting from low clouds or haze, and thus a mundane and plausible event rather than a highly unlikely one which requires packing Occam's Razor into your shaving kit.

I'm prepared to accept powerful evidence for powerful improbabilities, but as far as I am concerned, a fuzzy dot proves nothing.
 
2013-02-04 12:06:25 AM
The other two hairs turned out to be from a racoon and a horse.

A bear's gotta eat. Err. And snack.
 
2013-02-04 12:25:20 AM

Real Women Drink Akvavit: I thought they were going to tell us they'd found an old hippie chick wandering about Russia, lost from her isolated communist commune and unsure of what was going on around her. Is it wrong of me to be a little disappointed that was not the case?

/woulda been cool to read they had dna recovered from a pair of Birkenstocks
//or dna recovered from armpit and/or leg hair
///or dna recovered from armpit and/or leg hair found in an ancient pair of Birkenstocks


No, I was hoping something similar. That it was some crazed hippie or hillbilly who had decided to "return to nature" and was terrorizing the Siberian wastes with his...wastes.
 
2013-02-04 01:07:37 AM
And sparked a global bigfoot frenzy
Damn, missed it
 
2013-02-04 01:12:32 AM

LordOfThePings: A lot of people are susceptible to yeti mind tricks.


We can go about our business.  Move along.
 
2013-02-04 08:53:46 AM
FTFA:

Experts are baffled as the bear is never found native outside the US

The majority of black bears live in Canada, so, no.
 
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