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(Paste Magazine)   The ten most useless kitchen utensils ever made. Hey, that banana slicer is backwards   (pastemagazine.com) divider line 29
    More: Silly, Phoenix New Times, Montessori school, kitchen gadget, QVC, Pepper Prepper  
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21772 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Feb 2013 at 4:31 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-02-02 05:07:33 PM
13 votes:

strathmeyer: Ed Finnerty: Ummm. How are you going to place it in this thing if your wrists can't handle the weight?

Does it come with a front-end loader?

My mother has Parkinson's, you jerk!



Don't be ridiculous.  That's not how Parkinson's works.
2013-02-02 04:35:35 PM
12 votes:

FirstNationalBastard: ...and just what is the purpose of the spork?


Science Officer.
2013-02-02 04:47:09 PM
9 votes:
Actually, my first wife was the most useless kitchen utensil ever made.
2013-02-02 05:06:11 PM
5 votes:

Mister Peejay: Glancing Blow: Something special for that obsessive-compulsive in your life.


[edgecastcdn.net image 500x400]

Must buy now.


They're great!  I have four of them.  I keep them in the cabinet, arranged by serial number.
2013-02-02 04:58:26 PM
5 votes:

Hitomi Tanaka's Paperweights: ...dafuq is a 'utencil'?


i105.photobucket.com
2013-02-03 02:04:28 AM
4 votes:
1.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com
2013-02-02 04:54:26 PM
4 votes:
Something special for that obsessive-compulsive in your life.


edgecastcdn.net
2013-02-02 05:30:33 PM
3 votes:
farm1.static.flickr.com

67 comments in? Fark, I am disappoint.
2013-02-02 04:59:45 PM
3 votes:
This was never meant to be a utensil. It was a handout for the naked meet-and-greet at the local Foodie Convention.


cdn.pastemagazine.com
2013-02-02 04:53:40 PM
3 votes:
Counter space, the final frontier.

www.thinkgeek.com
2013-02-02 04:44:10 PM
3 votes:

Hitomi Tanaka's Paperweights: ...dafuq is a 'utencil'?


 Comething you uce in the kitshen.
2013-02-02 04:39:13 PM
3 votes:
cdn-static.cnet.co.uk

Don't forget Mimosian anti-matter chopsticks...
2013-02-02 05:38:45 PM
2 votes:
No turnip twaddler?

farm3.static.flickr.com

Fark, I am disappoint.
2013-02-02 05:26:02 PM
2 votes:
The Goddess Anoia does not approve.
2013-02-02 05:11:26 PM
2 votes:

awfulperson: Oh, and I have a Henckel's cutting board that was made of the SOFTEST, sh*ttiest wood. Honestly, it's like someone crossed a sea sponge and balsa tree, and harvested the timber. Every time I wash it, you can see the soapy water suck up into the surface.


I have one of those also - you're not cleaning it correctly:  soak it in lighter fluid, strike a match and you'll never have to clean it again.
2013-02-02 05:03:09 PM
2 votes:
RogermcAllen:
/If I was marketing this I would show a dog carrying a jug of milk onto the thing and then have it pour a glass of milk.


That's silly, dogs don't drink out of glasses!  You'd have to show the dog pouring milk into the toilet.
2013-02-02 03:56:21 PM
2 votes:
Ummm. How are you going to place it in this thing if your wrists can't handle the weight?

cdn.pastemagazine.com

Does it come with a front-end loader?
2013-02-03 01:44:13 AM
1 votes:

thamike: Magook: [www.wackyb.com image 572x374]

Is that something to scare Jewish kids with?


When he's doing a Bar Mitzvah, now that you shouldn't miss
He'll always shlep on down for a wedding or a briss
They say he's got a lot of chutzpah, he's really quite hhhhhip
The parents pay the moyl and he gets to keep the tip!
2013-02-03 01:19:09 AM
1 votes:

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: There's always money in the banana stand.

There's never money in the banana slicer.



I don't understand the need for ANY sort of gadget for a banana.  I thought that the banana was already incontrovertible proof of God's perfect design.

/And now all you godless atheists are going to be plagued with nightmares tonight.
2013-02-02 07:28:39 PM
1 votes:

if_i_really_have_to: katerbug72: Ivo Shandor: katerbug72: I only just learned I've been peeling bananas wrong all these years. Oh, how many bananas have I squished the shiat out of trying to get them open?

I open bananas from the normal end. The trick is to first scrape your thumbnail across it at the base of the stem. Then pull the stem back and the skin will split at that point.

I find it much, much easier to pinch and peel.

All my life I was convinced I had no natural talents except pissing people off.

Now it turns out the simple ability to peel a banana without resorting to "tricks" is my natural talent.

Yay me?


That's the way it goes sometimes; you never even realize you've got amazing powers until someone else points it out.  Next thing you know, you're saving humanity.

My advice is that you don't just use a pair of eyeglasses as your mild mannered alter-ego's disguise, it leads to all sorts of continuity problems later on.  Also, no capes!
2013-02-02 07:18:41 PM
1 votes:
A guy I know actually has a scar on his hand from a mishap involving slicing a banana with an electric knife. You bet I teased him about it. After all, you can slice a banana WITH YOUR FINGER. There's no need for bloodshed.
2013-02-02 05:31:54 PM
1 votes:
I'm sorry, Baron Bob, but I cannot shop at an online store that combines Fart AND Poop items in one store area.

Fart items are fart items. Poop items are poop items. They deserve separate store areas. To equate them is to equate Merlot with any other wine. Good day, sir.
2013-02-02 05:11:06 PM
1 votes:

FloydA: strathmeyer: Ed Finnerty: Ummm. How are you going to place it in this thing if your wrists can't handle the weight?

Does it come with a front-end loader?

My mother has Parkinson's, you jerk!


Don't be ridiculous.  That's not how Parkinson's works.


Oh god. *Snerk*

assets0.ordienetworks.com
2013-02-02 05:03:34 PM
1 votes:

texdent: FloydA: Hitomi Tanaka's Paperweights: ...dafuq is a 'utencil'?

[i105.photobucket.com image 490x368]

That thing could be deadly in a crash.


Is it bad that I'm thinking Happy Tree Friends?
2013-02-02 05:02:13 PM
1 votes:
2013-02-02 05:01:35 PM
1 votes:

Glancing Blow: Something special for that obsessive-compulsive in your life.


[edgecastcdn.net image 500x400]


Must buy now.
2013-02-02 04:57:01 PM
1 votes:
Oh, and I have a Henckel's cutting board that was made of the SOFTEST, sh*ttiest wood. Honestly, it's like someone crossed a sea sponge and balsa tree, and harvested the timber. Every time I wash it, you can see the soapy water suck up into the surface.
2013-02-02 04:01:09 PM
1 votes:
t1.gstatic.com

Unless you're hunting cats.
2013-02-02 03:46:26 PM
1 votes:
Those all pale in comparison to my Hutzler 571
 
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