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(Paste Magazine)   The ten most useless kitchen utensils ever made. Hey, that banana slicer is backwards   (pastemagazine.com) divider line 160
    More: Silly, Phoenix New Times, Montessori school, kitchen gadget, QVC, Pepper Prepper  
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21778 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Feb 2013 at 4:31 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-02 02:43:53 PM  
There's always money in the banana stand.

There's never money in the banana slicer.
 
2013-02-02 02:59:12 PM  
craziestgadgets.com

I actually had one of these. It amazingly works really well, but:

A) It's not dishwasher safe
and
B) It's not that hard to crack open an egg
 
2013-02-02 03:46:26 PM  
Those all pale in comparison to my Hutzler 571
 
2013-02-02 03:51:30 PM  
I might get the butter slicer
 
2013-02-02 03:53:54 PM  
Ding-a-ling-ling-ling-ling-ling-ling-ling!

Boo-ba-doo-ba-doop!
Boo-ba-doo-ba-doop!
 
2013-02-02 03:56:21 PM  
Ummm. How are you going to place it in this thing if your wrists can't handle the weight?

cdn.pastemagazine.com

Does it come with a front-end loader?
 
2013-02-02 04:01:09 PM  
t1.gstatic.com

Unless you're hunting cats.
 
2013-02-02 04:02:20 PM  

Eddie Adams from Torrance: Those all pale in comparison to my Hutzler 571


Kurt's review made me laugh.
 
2013-02-02 04:24:09 PM  
...and just what is the purpose of the spork?
 
2013-02-02 04:35:12 PM  
Maybe my Midwestern is showing, but the butter spreaders for corn on the cob are awesome.

Sure, they only serve one purpose, but they do it really well.  It's infinitely easier than trying to spread it with a knife or something.
 
2013-02-02 04:35:35 PM  

FirstNationalBastard: ...and just what is the purpose of the spork?


Science Officer.
 
2013-02-02 04:36:24 PM  

CmndrFish: Maybe my Midwestern is showing, but the butter spreaders for corn on the cob are awesome.

Sure, they only serve one purpose, but they do it really well.  It's infinitely easier than trying to spread it with a knife or something.


I'll second that. These things are great.
 
2013-02-02 04:39:13 PM  
cdn-static.cnet.co.uk

Don't forget Mimosian anti-matter chopsticks...
 
2013-02-02 04:39:32 PM  
Unitaskers?
 
2013-02-02 04:41:35 PM  
Many of these are for old people who no longer have the strength or steady hands required to do the same tasks with a knife (or whatever).
 
2013-02-02 04:42:00 PM  

thamike: [t1.gstatic.com image 173x292]

Unless you're hunting cats.


I thought these were ridiculous until I broke my hand.
 
2013-02-02 04:42:28 PM  
...dafuq is a 'utencil'?
 
2013-02-02 04:43:41 PM  

FirstNationalBastard: ...and just what is the purpose of the spork?


backpacking utensil.
 
2013-02-02 04:43:48 PM  

Ed Finnerty: Ummm. How are you going to place it in this thing if your wrists can't handle the weight?


Actually, it's great for elderly people who live alone, but their kids (or grandkids) visit every couple of days.
 
2013-02-02 04:44:10 PM  

Hitomi Tanaka's Paperweights: ...dafuq is a 'utencil'?


 Comething you uce in the kitshen.
 
2013-02-02 04:44:11 PM  
I disagree with the butter spreader. Although if you don't have one, butter the corn with a slice of bread and eat the melty butter bread.
 
2013-02-02 04:44:35 PM  

The Dog Ate My Homework: CmndrFish: Maybe my Midwestern is showing, but the butter spreaders for corn on the cob are awesome.

Sure, they only serve one purpose, but they do it really well.  It's infinitely easier than trying to spread it with a knife or something.

I'll second that. These things are great.


Thirded.  I was annoyed to see that on the list.
 
2013-02-02 04:45:58 PM  

CmndrFish: Maybe my Midwestern is showing, but the butter spreaders for corn on the cob are awesome.

Sure, they only serve one purpose, but they do it really well.  It's infinitely easier than trying to spread it with a knife or something.


Huh. And here we just rolled the cob directly on the stick of butter in the dish and let the butter melt all over it. Worked fine.
 
2013-02-02 04:46:27 PM  

Hitomi Tanaka's Paperweights: ...dafuq is a 'utencil'?


Next to the tonsells, under the glattice.
 
2013-02-02 04:46:41 PM  
The cheese board with the mouse knife isn't useless, it's just kitschy.

Not that I need any more cheese knives. At Christmas, my wife has a few clients give her wine and cheese baskets and they always come with a knife.
 
2013-02-02 04:46:53 PM  

Ed Finnerty: Ummm. How are you going to place it in this thing if your wrists can't handle the weight?

[cdn.pastemagazine.com image 300x259]

Does it come with a front-end loader?



Why would you want this much orange juice?
 
CTRL + Q to Enable/Disable GoPhoto.itCTRL + Q to Enable/Disable GoPhoto.it
 
2013-02-02 04:47:09 PM  
Actually, my first wife was the most useless kitchen utensil ever made.
 
2013-02-02 04:48:05 PM  

thamike: [t1.gstatic.com image 173x292]

Unless you're hunting cats.


I loathe electric can openers. My old roomate swore by his. I never understood the appeal, it takes longer, it takes electricity, it cost much more than a normal can opener. Only useful I think if I'm working in a large scale kitchen and need to open 100+ cans daily.
 
2013-02-02 04:51:18 PM  

The Dog Ate My Homework: CmndrFish: Maybe my Midwestern is showing, but the butter spreaders for corn on the cob are awesome.

Sure, they only serve one purpose, but they do it really well.  It's infinitely easier than trying to spread it with a knife or something.

I'll second that. These things are great.


I will third that.

I also have to disagree with the author's assertion that cutting a pizza with scissors is ridiculous. It is much easier to cut a pizza with scissors than with a pizza wheel. If owning a pizza-specific cutting tool is silly, then that applies equally to the pizza wheel.
 
2013-02-02 04:52:01 PM  

Ed Finnerty: Ummm. How are you going to place it in this thing if your wrists can't handle the weight?

Does it come with a front-end loader?


They presume you already have one: a man. Seriously, watch the ad. One your big strong man loads it up for you, your little womanly wrists can presumably tilt it without your hands falling off.
 
2013-02-02 04:53:40 PM  
Counter space, the final frontier.

www.thinkgeek.com
 
2013-02-02 04:54:09 PM  
I think that corkscrews without some form of lever are the most useless. It seems EVERYONE has one of those in the junk drawer, a flimsy corkscrew with a tiny handle and no pry-thingie--only ever gets pulled out when the REAL corkscrew gets lost. Miserable.
 
2013-02-02 04:54:26 PM  
Something special for that obsessive-compulsive in your life.


edgecastcdn.net
 
2013-02-02 04:55:04 PM  

Ed Finnerty: Ummm. How are you going to place it in this thing if your wrists can't handle the weight?

[cdn.pastemagazine.com image 300x259]

Does it come with a front-end loader?


A person with poor dexterity could lug the thing with a strong two handed grip onto and off of the grip.  Like someone else said, imagine an old person.  In this case imagine their hands shaking spilling milk as they pour as opposed to using this device.

/If I was marketing this I would show a dog carrying a jug of milk onto the thing and then have it pour a glass of milk.
 
2013-02-02 04:57:01 PM  
Oh, and I have a Henckel's cutting board that was made of the SOFTEST, sh*ttiest wood. Honestly, it's like someone crossed a sea sponge and balsa tree, and harvested the timber. Every time I wash it, you can see the soapy water suck up into the surface.
 
2013-02-02 04:57:32 PM  
there are several worse gadgets than listed. i've seen twirling electric forks for spaghetti meals and plastic twirling ice cream cones for those hot summer days. idiots.
 
2013-02-02 04:58:26 PM  

Hitomi Tanaka's Paperweights: ...dafuq is a 'utencil'?


i105.photobucket.com
 
2013-02-02 04:58:36 PM  
That butter syringe/extruder thing looks like a good idea if you have a lot of food to butter and would rather not get OCD about buttering the tops of rolls, corn, ... whatever.  The problem is it's not motorized.  It needs a stout gear reduction drive and a metal assembly that will let me lock and load a stick right from the freezer and still pwn it out on whatever the target foodstuff happens to be without any noticeable complaint from the motor.
 
2013-02-02 04:59:18 PM  

Ed Finnerty: Ummm. How are you going to place it in this thing if your wrists can't handle the weight?

[cdn.pastemagazine.com image 300x259]

Does it come with a front-end loader?


It's not about weight, that's for someone with control problems--Parkinsons.
 
2013-02-02 04:59:45 PM  
This was never meant to be a utensil. It was a handout for the naked meet-and-greet at the local Foodie Convention.


cdn.pastemagazine.com
 
2013-02-02 05:00:06 PM  

FloydA: Hitomi Tanaka's Paperweights: ...dafuq is a 'utencil'?

[i105.photobucket.com image 490x368]


That thing could be deadly in a crash.
 
2013-02-02 05:01:13 PM  
More spaghettassistance.

1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-02-02 05:01:35 PM  

Glancing Blow: Something special for that obsessive-compulsive in your life.


[edgecastcdn.net image 500x400]


Must buy now.
 
2013-02-02 05:02:13 PM  
 
2013-02-02 05:02:41 PM  
Without these, white elephant gift parties would be far less entertaining.

This is the best utterly useless kitchen utensil ever created, and I've given a number of them out: http://www.amazon.com/Egg-Cuber-Square-Press/dp/B002C8ZDQE
 
2013-02-02 05:02:44 PM  
There is nothing wrong with the butter thing for corn on the cob.  It beats me rolling it right on the stick. Yes, I am that guy.
 
2013-02-02 05:03:09 PM  
RogermcAllen:
/If I was marketing this I would show a dog carrying a jug of milk onto the thing and then have it pour a glass of milk.


That's silly, dogs don't drink out of glasses!  You'd have to show the dog pouring milk into the toilet.
 
2013-02-02 05:03:15 PM  

awfulperson: Oh, and I have a Henckel's cutting board that was made of the SOFTEST, sh*ttiest wood. Honestly, it's like someone crossed a sea sponge and balsa tree, and harvested the timber. Every time I wash it, you can see the soapy water suck up into the surface.


Have you tried oiling it?
 
2013-02-02 05:03:34 PM  

texdent: FloydA: Hitomi Tanaka's Paperweights: ...dafuq is a 'utencil'?

[i105.photobucket.com image 490x368]

That thing could be deadly in a crash.


Is it bad that I'm thinking Happy Tree Friends?
 
2013-02-02 05:05:53 PM  

namegoeshere: I disagree with the butter spreader. Although if you don't have one, butter the corn with a slice of bread and eat the melty butter bread.


I hadn't ever thought of that until I saw the father do it on the movie "Wargames". I did a "V8" slap to the forehead and have been doing it that way ever since. We get our corn fresh off the farm here so we have it almost every day.
 
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