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(The Smoking Gun)   "I was trying to make the horse have a baby"   (thesmokinggun.com ) divider line
    More: Asinine, public lewdness, waive  
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15457 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Feb 2013 at 5:20 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-01 05:58:42 PM  

Rufus Lee King: [images.inmagine.com image 265x396]


Manchickenhorse?
 
2013-02-01 05:59:50 PM  
According to Horseman, the horse just stood there and let him fark her. Guy must have been pretty small.
 
2013-02-01 06:02:48 PM  

jst3p: Gave that mare some

[www.businessweek.com image 189x341]


That'll go great with my cereal.

i.imgur.com
 
2013-02-01 06:04:10 PM  

p the boiler: RevMark: FTA: "I ain't going to lie, I blew a nut in the horse."

That's the best thing I've seen all week. That and MaudlinMutantMollusk's centaur quip. I'm crying over here.

Based on the wit in his quote and his odd behavior I am going to bet he had been to Fark before he offed himself - since he is now dead can an admin tell us his screen name? I have a few guesses


An alt of fb- ?

He always wanted to be the father
 
2013-02-01 06:05:22 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: I think he's a bit off centaur


You win 10 shiny new Internets!
 
2013-02-01 06:07:03 PM  
So, he was trying to make a Whopper Jr.?
 
2013-02-01 06:07:59 PM  
This is how legends are born.
 
2013-02-01 06:11:10 PM  
i3.ytimg.com
 
2013-02-01 06:11:22 PM  
Mendoza's criminal career subsequently ended when he hanged himself in a county jail, where he was being held on indecency with a child and trespassing charges.

I guess he also tried to fark a kid.

www.tanwater.com
 
2013-02-01 06:12:08 PM  
"Mendoza's criminal career subsequently ended when he hanged himself in a county jail"

ytrewq.com
 
2013-02-01 06:12:26 PM  
So he wanted to make a centaur.  How cute.
 
2013-02-01 06:14:25 PM  
Mendoza's criminal career subsequently ended when he hanged himself in a county jail, where he was being held on indecency with a child and trespassing charges.

i275.photobucket.com
 
2013-02-01 06:17:11 PM  
WOW!  Another Obuma voter!
 
2013-02-01 06:18:38 PM  
That's NOT what animal husbandry means!
 
2013-02-01 06:19:39 PM  
"I was trying to make the horse have a baby," Mendoza explained. "I was thinking it would have a horseman baby." He added, "I ain't going to lie, I blew a nut in the horse. I then got off the bucket and put my clothes back on and left. I promise that I have not been back over to the horse since that time."

/This, beyond a doubt, is the stupidest statement I've ever had the misfortune of hearing someone say. Even worse than the "rape rape" comment. God, just deport him to some shiat third world country and let him spread his stupidity there.
 
2013-02-01 06:20:03 PM  

JWideman: That's NOT what animal husbandry means!


O RLY?

s3-ec.buzzfed.com
/GIS for "animal husbandry"
 
2013-02-01 06:25:28 PM  

p51d007: WOW!  Another Obuma voter!


I'm no fan of Herr Fartbongo but go threadshiat elsewhere
 
2013-02-01 06:28:05 PM  
You can never have enough horse stories here on FARK.
 
2013-02-01 06:28:21 PM  
Hey, it's his sexual preference. He should be able to sleep with whoever/whatever he wants. Keep out of his bedroom.

RIGHT GUYS???
 
2013-02-01 06:28:34 PM  
di1-2.shoppingshadow.com

Before my wife and I had our daughter, I bought her this stuffed horse toy and we would jokingly pretend it was our half-human/half-horse offspring. It would frequently announce (through one of us) that it was going to be the first horse-American president (yes, it was around the time Obama won his first term).

...So I got a kick out of the, "I was thinking it would have a horseman baby," line.
 
2013-02-01 06:36:09 PM  

JonPace: This is the greatest story ever. Hilarious, ridiculous, and it ends with the hanging of a pedophile.


Self immolation would have really rounded this tale off though.
 
2013-02-01 06:41:15 PM  

xen0blue: Hey, it's his sexual preference. He should be able to sleep with whoever/whatever he wants. Keep out of his bedroom.

RIGHT GUYS???


If it's some kind of genetically engineered sapient super-horse who can understand and consent to sexual relations with a member of another species then sure.

But I'm going to take a wild guess that this was a regular kind of horse, which is varelse, and so no communication is possible and thus no consent or comprehension of the ramifications of such relations. Pretty much the equivalent of raping someone in a coma.

I'm also going to go one further and take a wild guess that even so, that horse is probably still smarter than someone who would make the kind of spurious argument you just tried to make.
 
2013-02-01 06:41:18 PM  

SlagginOff: MaudlinMutantMollusk: I think he's a bit off centaur

Okay. I chortled.


i threw up
 
2013-02-01 06:43:59 PM  
Wait... which gender was the horse? Cause if it was male than this guy really doesn't know how babies are made.

/oh well, If he's released will he just get back in the saddle?
 
2013-02-01 06:43:59 PM  

mongbiohazard: xen0blue: Hey, it's his sexual preference. He should be able to sleep with whoever/whatever he wants. Keep out of his bedroom.

RIGHT GUYS???

If it's some kind of genetically engineered sapient super-horse who can understand and consent to sexual relations with a member of another species then sure.

But I'm going to take a wild guess that this was a regular kind of horse, which is varelse, and so no communication is possible and thus no consent or comprehension of the ramifications of such relations. Pretty much the equivalent of raping someone in a coma.

I'm also going to go one further and take a wild guess that even so, that horse is probably still smarter than someone who would make the kind of spurious argument you just tried to make.


I would argue that if a horse doesn't like what you're doing, you're going to get kicked in the face by a 1,400+ pound animal.
 
2013-02-01 06:46:43 PM  
What they're not telling you is that the horse DID have a horseman baby. His plan worked. Now Horseman Baby gallops free across the judging plains. But will Horseman Baby ever really be free? I say nay, and so does he.
Ride on, Horseman Baby! Ride on throughout the Internet, and never, ever look back at how you were created, lest ye too wind up hanging from the paddock.
 
2013-02-01 06:50:17 PM  

Bit'O'Gristle: "I was trying to make the horse have a baby," Mendoza explained. "I was thinking it would have a horseman baby." He added, "I ain't going to lie, I blew a nut in the horse. I then got off the bucket and put my clothes back on and left. I promise that I have not been back over to the horse since that time."

/This, beyond a doubt, is the stupidest statement I've ever had the misfortune of hearing someone say. Even worse than the "rape rape" comment. God, just deport him to some shiat third world country and let him spread his stupidity there.


Well he's dead so deporting him would be a little futile.
 
2013-02-01 06:51:39 PM  
Well, considering what his mom did with that donkey in Tijuana, he probably assumed thats how he came to exist.
 
2013-02-01 06:53:56 PM  

clowncar on fire: JonPace: This is the greatest story ever. Hilarious, ridiculous, and it ends with the hanging of a pedophile.

Self immolation would have really rounded this tale off though.


No, him dying by escaping, trying to have sex with another horse, spooking said horse, and being dragged by his genitaila throughout the countryside by a violated horse would have completely rounded off this story.
It would be... The Stupidity Nirvana.
 
2013-02-01 06:54:04 PM  
Mendoza's criminal career subsequently ended when he hanged himself in a county jail, where he was being held on indecency with a child and trespassing charges.

So he was hung like a horse?
 
2013-02-01 06:57:47 PM  

the_vegetarian_cannibal: JWideman: That's NOT what animal husbandry means!

O RLY?

[s3-ec.buzzfed.com image 600x340]
/GIS for "animal husbandry"


What I want to know is who first got the idea to jack off a farm animal, collect the sperm and then shove it into another farm animal,

If I were trying to breed animals I don't think I would ever think of that.

I knew they did that with cows.  I shouldn't be surprised they do it with horses.  Now I'm wondering what other animals get that treatment.
 
2013-02-01 06:58:14 PM  
Eh...I ain't going to cry for him on account of the rampant stupidity, but 'indecency with a child' sounds more like little Suzy walked in on him and her precious Princess CinnamonHoofs and is now going to grow up to cruise some reallllly weird chat sites.  Usually if it was actually anything more than there was a child somewhere within 100 feet of you committing some other crime they hit you with like 12 different levels of assault charges plus extra super special 'with a child' charges.
 
2013-02-01 06:58:20 PM  
"I ain't going to lie, I blew a nut in the horse. I then got off the bucket and put my clothes back on and left. "

Who says romance is dead?
 
xcv
2013-02-01 06:58:43 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: I think he's a bit off centaur


Not quite stable?
 
2013-02-01 07:01:47 PM  

KangTheMad: mongbiohazard: xen0blue: Hey, it's his sexual preference. He should be able to sleep with whoever/whatever he wants. Keep out of his bedroom.

RIGHT GUYS???

If it's some kind of genetically engineered sapient super-horse who can understand and consent to sexual relations with a member of another species then sure.

But I'm going to take a wild guess that this was a regular kind of horse, which is varelse, and so no communication is possible and thus no consent or comprehension of the ramifications of such relations. Pretty much the equivalent of raping someone in a coma.

I'm also going to go one further and take a wild guess that even so, that horse is probably still smarter than someone who would make the kind of spurious argument you just tried to make.

I would argue that if a horse doesn't like what you're doing, you're going to get kicked in the face by a 1,400+ pound animal.


And you'd still be missing the obvious fact that the horse isn't capable of understanding what you're doing, let alone the ramifications. It's simply an animal which has been conditioned to be tolerant of human beings.

And that's before even peeling apart your misuse of the concept of not liking something. I don't like when my boss gives me extra work. That doesn't mean I kick her in the face, or even complain at all, when she does it - because I like to continue to have a job. My dog doesn't like it when I give him a bath... that doesn't mean he's going to attack me for doing it - I am his source of food so he tolerates it.
 
2013-02-01 07:02:50 PM  

xcv: MaudlinMutantMollusk: I think he's a bit off centaur

Not quite stable?


Yeah, poor guy

/I guess you can't whinny them all
 
2013-02-01 07:09:00 PM  
I wonder if there is a country where this story wouldn't be funny and would be seen as a tragic indictment of society's failure to care for the safety and wellbeing of people with mental disorders. Somewhere where the story might be reported with some gravitas and people like say something like it's tragic, rather than it being reported on local news stations as the horse buggerer, or whatever it is that I'm sure they're saying.

Someone in this thread even said it was a bonus that a pedophile killed himself. That's a horrible sentiment, first. Second, if he were a pedophile (which I highly doubt he was), that is a mental illness that should be treated. Since when is it acceptable to applaud mentally ill people for killing themselves? Third, it sounds like had something amiss (having sex with a woman, a horse, and indecency with a child makes it sound as if something neurologically is off). It's society's responsibility to keep someone with an issue like that safe from himself and from others.

We didn't do either. This is an embarrassment to everyone and in cases where a person is ill, it's least an embarrassment to the ill indivdual himself, IMO.

I know this is Fark, and I would have found this story funny if the guy were just drunk or something and only had been trying to have sex with a horse, but the fact that he also molested a child and killed himself makes the story sobering.
 
2013-02-01 07:11:56 PM  

swingerofbirches: I wonder if there is a country where this story wouldn't be funny and would be seen as a tragic indictment of society's failure to care for the safety and wellbeing of people with mental disorders.


Even the Buddha would laugh about the horse baby joke.

Judging by his rap sheet, he knew this was a teaspoon in the horse compared to his other crimes. This guy was obviously making a funny.
 
2013-02-01 07:23:16 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: I think he's a bit off centaur


There is brilliant, and then there is this.  I bow to you, good sir.
 
2013-02-01 07:26:55 PM  

the_vegetarian_cannibal: JWideman: That's NOT what animal husbandry means!

O RLY?

[s3-ec.buzzfed.com image 600x340]
/GIS for "animal husbandry"


Don't give Kwame any ideas.
 
2013-02-01 07:27:13 PM  
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com

Well that explains Hurricane Horse.
 
2013-02-01 07:28:24 PM  
It had quadruplets!!  Whoooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!

upload.wikimedia.org
 
2013-02-01 07:29:55 PM  

Because People in power are Stupid: Yeah, do you know what they do to child rapists/bronies in prison?


Not as much as you'd think, usually.
 
2013-02-01 07:32:06 PM  
blondesearch.ru

/Dad?
 
2013-02-01 07:36:50 PM  

Fluid: And somehow it never occurred to him that in spite of his well-considered plan, there are no centaurs to be seen in this world. That should've been a clue.


Not for lack of effort...from what I read on FARK.
 
2013-02-01 07:41:07 PM  
Did they sell the horse to Burger King?
 
2013-02-01 07:41:20 PM  
Have I missed the mugshot roundup this week?  If so, what day was it on?
 
2013-02-01 07:42:18 PM  

swingerofbirches: I wonder if there is a country where this story wouldn't be funny and would be seen as a tragic indictment of society's failure to care for the safety and wellbeing of people with mental disorders. Somewhere where the story might be reported with some gravitas and people like say something like it's tragic, rather than it being reported on local news stations as the horse buggerer, or whatever it is that I'm sure they're saying.

Someone in this thread even said it was a bonus that a pedophile killed himself. That's a horrible sentiment, first. Second, if he were a pedophile (which I highly doubt he was), that is a mental illness that should be treated. Since when is it acceptable to applaud mentally ill people for killing themselves? Third, it sounds like had something amiss (having sex with a woman, a horse, and indecency with a child makes it sound as if something neurologically is off). It's society's responsibility to keep someone with an issue like that safe from himself and from others.

We didn't do either. This is an embarrassment to everyone and in cases where a person is ill, it's least an embarrassment to the ill indivdual himself, IMO.

I know this is Fark, and I would have found this story funny if the guy were just drunk or something and only had been trying to have sex with a horse, but the fact that he also molested a child and killed himself makes the story sobering.


Truly this is a tragic case of someone typing a wall of text instead of reading the article.
 
2013-02-01 07:52:41 PM  

Because People in power are Stupid: Another Brony caught in the act.


I am just as creeped out by Bronies as I am by this guy.
 
2013-02-01 08:09:03 PM  
hystoricus.files.wordpress.com
Been there done that
 
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