FARK.com: (7569717) Back in the day we used to use "modems" to get "on-line". It used to take all night to download a single pixelated picture of your mom. Here is an illustrated explanation of the funny sounds these modems made

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		Back in the day we used to use "modems" to get "on-line". It used to take all night to download a single pixelated picture of your mom. Here is an illustrated explanation of the funny sounds these modems made (boingboing.net)		154
		More: Interesting, online, modems

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7659 clicks; posted to Geek » on 01 Feb 2013 at 5:09 PM | Favorite | share:

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Rapmaster2000		2013-02-01 03:32:09 PM

Allow me to open my browser. I'm going to Webcrawler to search for some Pamela Anderson pics.

Chariset		2013-02-01 03:34:56 PM

And we liked it that way!

...actually no, it's much better now, thanks.

UberDave		2013-02-01 03:36:16 PM

The pic doesn't show the noise made when someone else in the house pics up the phone line...

brap		2013-02-01 03:42:38 PM

SCREEEEEzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzrt peeeeeedonk! peeeeeedonk!

I_Am_Weasel		2013-02-01 03:50:12 PM

brap: SCREEEEEzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzrt peeeeeedonk! peeeeeedonk!

Crap! I didn't think anyone could hear me.

sammyk		2013-02-01 04:02:17 PM

What's a modem?

DjangoStonereaver		2013-02-01 04:03:14 PM

UberDave: The pic doesn't show the noise made when someone else in the house pics up the phone line...

Until error correcting modems became standard, that sound was usually "SONOFAbiatch!"

I_Am_Weasel		2013-02-01 04:08:27 PM

It is sad that

"No! don't pick up the dog!"

xcbx#!NO TERRIER

has lost its mean

tricycleracer		2013-02-01 04:31:42 PM

RexTalionis		2013-02-01 04:36:18 PM

I'm sorry, but do you not use a modem now to go online?

Altair		2013-02-01 05:01:27 PM

RexTalionis: I'm sorry, but do you not use a modem now to go online?

we're done here - shut it down

/handshake completed...

Rising Ape		2013-02-01 05:15:22 PM

RexTalionis: I'm sorry, but do you not use a modem now to go online?

Indeed you do, unless you're lucky enough to have fibre to the home or in a bizarre enough situation to be still using ISDN.

Can't tell how fast your ADSL modem has connected by listening to the handshake, though.

BizarreMan		2013-02-01 05:19:17 PM

Ah, the mating call of the domestic American Modem.

rwfan		2013-02-01 05:22:16 PM

Dad are you telling that story about how you met mom again?

Lord Dimwit		2013-02-01 05:29:29 PM

Chariset: And we liked it that way!

...actually no, it's much better now, thanks.

In 1999 I got a flat-rate ISDN connection, giving me a glorious 128kbps of always-on internet access.

Basically, that was it for the next ten years. Nothing changed for me until about two or three years ago when I got Netflix and actually had something to use the higher bandwidth for. Sure, in the interim I got DSL and then cable internet access, but to be honest, I don't do much that requires high bandwidth. Once I never had to perform an initial "connect" phase to my internet activities, it was all smooth sailing.

MrEricSir		2013-02-01 05:30:45 PM

RexTalionis: I'm sorry, but do you not use a modem now to go online?

Of course not, I just steal my neighbor's wifi.

BlackArt		2013-02-01 05:32:38 PM

I am going to go use Veronica to find some Archie servers.

AdamK		2013-02-01 05:32:39 PM

i remember trying to pirate a copy of carmageddon for mac on a pc that didn't have enough hard drive space using a 28k modem...

that was pretty awful

Ivo Shandor		2013-02-01 05:34:17 PM

Ah, the good old days when you could put '+++ATH' in your signature and figure out who had bought the cheap modems.

Fun fact - the Hayes command set never went away, it just evolved into GSM. If your cell phone lets you talk directly to the baseband chipset (e.g. Nokia N900) you can dial a number or send a text message with AT commands.

Treygreen13		2013-02-01 05:36:28 PM

Reminds me of how the other day that guy accidentally hotlinked to AngelFire and I was transported back in time for one brief moment.

Tillmaster		2013-02-01 05:38:22 PM

Ivo Shandor: Ah, the good old days when you could put '+++ATH' in your signature and figure out who had bought the cheap modems.

Fun fact - the Hayes command set never went away, it just evolved into GSM. If your cell phone lets you talk directly to the baseband chipset (e.g. Nokia N900) you can dial a number or send a text message with AT commands.

Bastard. I never thought of that :)

I thought the illustration in the article was an elegant way of showing the conversation.

Precision Boobery		2013-02-01 05:46:52 PM

You can even kind of tell which part is the ^{EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE}_{EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE} and which is the doidong-dong and which is the cuaksshhsshhsshhshsh.

Uncle Pooky		2013-02-01 05:49:50 PM

I remember when getting a 14,400 baud modem was a significant upgrade.

unyon		2013-02-01 05:50:49 PM

Rising Ape: RexTalionis: I'm sorry, but do you not use a modem now to go online?

Indeed you do, unless you're lucky enough to have fibre to the home or in a bizarre enough situation to be still using ISDN.

Can't tell how fast your ADSL modem has connected by listening to the handshake, though.

Actually, If you're on DSL or cable, you don't use a modem. That term refers to devices that MOdulate and DEModulate tones over a PSTN.

We just keep calling that device that connects to the outside world a modem, because it's a generally understood term. But unless you're on dialup, they no longer do what the name implies.

P8ntfotch		2013-02-01 05:52:32 PM

That was freaking awesome. I may just have to dig up my USR and make some noise tonight. Where, oh where is my BBS?

/SYSOP for Life

Doktor_Zhivago		2013-02-01 05:54:56 PM

unyon: Actually, If you're on DSL or cable, you don't use a modem. That term refers to devices that MOdulate and DEModulate tones over a PSTN.

That's exactly what a DSL modem does.... just on different frequencies than the old dial-ups.

Lord Dimwit		2013-02-01 05:56:05 PM

Uncle Pooky: I remember when getting a 14,400 baud modem was a significant upgrade.

I remember when getting a 1200 baud modem was a significant upgrade. Get off my lawn. ;)

300baud		2013-02-01 05:56:14 PM

Uncle Pooky: I remember when getting a 14,400 baud modem was a significant upgrade.

Noob.

highendmighty		2013-02-01 05:58:57 PM

Is there an illustrated explanation about the noises old Apple II drives made when booting?

AH-OOOOOO-Gah - Chnk Chnk Chnk.

RexTalionis		2013-02-01 05:59:21 PM

unyon: Actually, If you're on DSL or cable, you don't use a modem. That term refers to devices that MOdulate and DEModulate tones over a PSTN.

According to Wiki:

A modem (modulator-demodulator) is a device that modulates an analog carrier signal to encode digital information, and also demodulates such a carrier signal to decode the transmitted information. The goal is to produce a signal that can be transmitted easily and decoded to reproduce the original digital data. Modems can be used over any means of transmitting analog signals, from light emitting diodes to radio. The most familiar example is a voice band modem that turns the digital data of a personal computer into modulated electrical signals in the voice frequency range of a telephone channel. These signals can be transmitted over telephone lines and demodulated by another modem at the receiver side to recover the digital data.

I don't know about you, but I see nothing about modulating only tones over PTSN as the only possible definition for a modem.

Wenike		2013-02-01 06:00:02 PM

For those who can't remember all the noises: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpMrTxMV6E4

MrEricSir		2013-02-01 06:01:50 PM

unyon: Actually, If you're on DSL or cable, you don't use a modem. That term refers to devices that MOdulate and DEModulate tones over a PSTN.

Not only is that device called a modem, but the device inside your cell phone that connects to the data network is also called a modem.

BizarreMan		2013-02-01 06:02:04 PM

I have a Zoom 56K modem under my desk that communicates with our door access system. Whenever it loses comms with the panel, I hear the dulcet tones of the two modems communicating.

Mikey1969		2013-02-01 06:04:00 PM

300baud: Uncle Pooky: I remember when getting a 14,400 baud modem was a significant upgrade.

Noob.

I remember days when hard drives were a "new" copncept, modems were somethign only the programming teacher had, and color CRT monitors were a significant upgrade.

ProfessorOhki		2013-02-01 06:05:04 PM

Precision Boobery: You can even kind of tell which part is the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE and which is the doidong-dong and which is the cuaksshhsshhsshhshsh.

I really wish they'd annotated that on the image.

Wenike		2013-02-01 06:05:38 PM

highendmighty: Is there an illustrated explanation about the noises old Apple II drives made when booting?

AH-OOOOOO-Gah - Chnk Chnk Chnk.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWPJyh98CjM

Veritas333		2013-02-01 06:13:36 PM

I use five modems every day at work to communicate with traffic signals. Stupid DOS program hangs up with AT H instead of ATH, took me a while to find a modem that would understand it... Still works than the windows 95 program...

300baud		2013-02-01 06:16:03 PM

Mikey1969: 300baud: Uncle Pooky: I remember when getting a 14,400 baud modem was a significant upgrade.

Noob.

I remember days when hard drives were a "new" copncept, modems were somethign only the programming teacher had, and color CRT monitors were a significant upgrade.

Noob. I remember moving up from punch cards and saving programs on magnetic tape three or more times, because it was very likely you wouldn't be able to restore. All upper case character sets. Memory measured in bytes. My first modem was an acoustic coupler; I think it was 150 baud though it may have been 110, I'm ashamed I can't remember.

Treygreen13		2013-02-01 06:16:50 PM

Veritas333: I use five modems every day at work to communicate with traffic signals. Stupid DOS program hangs up with AT H instead of ATH, took me a while to find a modem that would understand it... Still works than the windows 95 program...

That explains a lot about my daily commute.

Traffic light: Oh, here comes a car down the road. Better switch to red.
*I pull up, wait at the red. There are no cars to be seen.*
Traffic light: Good. Good. Wait here my pretty.
*I wait longer. I see a car starting to come from the green side.*
Traffic light: Here comes another car! HE TOO MUST WAIT! I'll give them the green turn arrow just to mess with them!
*We both wait at the light until a car comes to use the green turn arrow.*
Traffic light: REDS ALL AROUND! NOBODY WILL GO!

Glancing Blow		2013-02-01 06:17:44 PM

I have a lot of trouble fitting my cell phone into my Anderson-Jacobsan 300bps acoustical coupler (aka modem).

xenomorpheus		2013-02-01 06:23:26 PM

very nice graphic, I need to see about making one of these for my company's dial-up network service and our bearer services. I think my 286 was the first computer I had that I added a modem to so I could scour BBS systems

for you kids out there, BBS was , aw hell go wiki it already

Marcus Aurelius		2013-02-01 06:24:19 PM

A modem connecting is best listened to when slowed down 700 times or so.

Spooky.

12349876		2013-02-01 06:24:23 PM

I remember when the iPhone 5 was a huge upgrade from the iPhone4.

jtown		2013-02-01 06:24:39 PM

It didn't take all night. More like 5-10 minutes for a high res (640x480) GIF. And that was back in the 2400bps days.

Fish in a Barrel		2013-02-01 06:31:39 PM

jtown: It didn't take all night. More like 5-10 minutes for a high res (640x480) GIF. And that was back in the 2400bps days.

Those "high resolution" JPEGs were a killer, though. It took long enough that I could finish fapping to the Persian Kitty purrfect pose of the week before anything actually interesting showed up on the screen.

MrEricSir		2013-02-01 06:32:05 PM

Marcus Aurelius		2013-02-01 06:34:33 PM

xenomorpheus: very nice graphic, I need to see about making one of these for my company's dial-up network service and our bearer services. I think my 286 was the first computer I had that I added a modem to so I could scour BBS systems

for you kids out there, BBS was , aw hell go wiki it already

Positive luxury. I had to solder a pair of Motorola serial I/O chips onto the motherboard of a Commodore 8032 and write my own comm routines in 8 bit assembler to get onto the local BBS.

And we were glad.

xenomorpheus		2013-02-01 06:34:51 PM

MrEricSir: Mikey1969: 300baud: Uncle Pooky: I remember when getting a 14,400 baud modem was a significant upgrade.

Noob.

I remember days when hard drives were a "new" copncept, modems were somethign only the programming teacher had, and color CRT monitors were a significant upgrade.

Noob.

I remember days when wheels were a "new" copncept, fire was somethign only the cooking teacher had, and colored fabric was a significant upgrade.

Noob.

I remember the day saw a large black rectangular object and started killing other chimps with bones and stuff.

Lord Dimwit		2013-02-01 06:38:40 PM

Marcus Aurelius: xenomorpheus: very nice graphic, I need to see about making one of these for my company's dial-up network service and our bearer services. I think my 286 was the first computer I had that I added a modem to so I could scour BBS systems

for you kids out there, BBS was , aw hell go wiki it already

Positive luxury. I had to solder a pair of Motorola serial I/O chips onto the motherboard of a Commodore 8032 and write my own comm routines in 8 bit assembler to get onto the local BBS.

And we were glad.

I can't remember who said it but I always liked the quote (paraphrased here): "the problem with modern programmers isn't that they can't stuff a device driver into a spare 24 bytes they found in unused scratch memory, but that they won't even try."

Mikey1969		2013-02-01 06:40:28 PM

300baud: Mikey1969: 300baud: Uncle Pooky: I remember when getting a 14,400 baud modem was a significant upgrade.

Noob.

I remember days when hard drives were a "new" copncept, modems were somethign only the programming teacher had, and color CRT monitors were a significant upgrade.

Noob. I remember moving up from punch cards and saving programs on magnetic tape three or more times, because it was very likely you wouldn't be able to restore. All upper case character sets. Memory measured in bytes. My first modem was an acoustic coupler; I think it was 150 baud though it may have been 110, I'm ashamed I can't remember.

AHHHH, punchcards...

When I was a kid, we went on a tour of the Sheriff's station, and they took us in a room and showed us their new computer, all punchcard activated and huge... The guy loaded in a punchcard, and the printer went to town, eventually printing up what was probably a 20x30 picture of the Mona Lisa, Not quite ASCII art, but that's the closest I can come to something I've seen since, it printed regular characters, anything on the keyboard, and overstriking to create shade and texture. Crude by today's standards, but absofarkinglutely amazing in 1980-ish.

When the pic was done, the guy doing the tour took it off the printer and asked who wanted it. Crickets commenced to fiddling... I was in shock, I held up my hand and went home with this absolutely cool piece of art. It was the coolest part of the tour, the only other things I remember is the lockers where they have to put their guns before walking into any area with prisoners(Something I call BS on to this day in the movies), and their story of how they had to change their lock system because some guy jammed the place where the striker for the lock is supposed to sit full of gum wrappers, and since it was spring-loaded, the door never latched. Guy walked out the door, easy-peasy, I guess.

The picture may exist, but sadly I am dependent on my aunt and uncle who used to be my adoptive parents, and when I called 'em out for being money-grubbers during the prayer I was asked to give at my grandmother's funeral, they stopped giving me the few things they still had from my childhood.... :(

I also remember getting my Social Security checks after my mother died, they were printed on punchcards... In a way, they still aren't such a bad idea, EMP doesn't hurt paper, right?

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