FARK.com: (7569715) It turns out that everyone has something to hide, including Iran and their monkey

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		It turns out that everyone has something to hide, including Iran and their monkey (jpost.com)		91
		More: Followup, Iran, space launch

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13319 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Feb 2013 at 4:27 PM | Favorite | share:

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Raven Darke		2013-02-01 05:03:28 PM

They should just take the monkey and run.

TappingTheVein		2013-02-01 05:03:43 PM

My guess is the monkey died when he landed or he converted to christianity and they had to "correct" him.

g4lt		2013-02-01 05:03:59 PM

DAMMIT, now what am I going to call the band?

cgraves67		2013-02-01 05:04:40 PM

I require instructions regarding taunting the rocket monkey.

Evil Mackerel		2013-02-01 05:06:41 PM

DonWrite: OMG THE MONKEY MUTATED IN SPACE!
I for one would like to be among the first to welcome our new Space Monkey Overlord.

Better launch the cobalt bomb as a preemptive strike now.

Loucifer		2013-02-01 05:07:08 PM

Iranian Space Monkey was the name of my band in college.

zinny		2013-02-01 05:09:31 PM

Good one subby! Got a nice chuckle out of that one.

uncleacid		2013-02-01 05:09:36 PM

Happiness is a warm gun.

Theaetetus		2013-02-01 05:09:47 PM

Erix: FTFA: "The new photo evidence could suggest that the launch of the "Pishgam" (Pioneer) craft did not actually take place, and might alleviate Western fears over Iranian advances in space technology. "

Wait, is this something that wasn't independently verified? Are no countries able to determine whether or not Iran actually launches a rocket into space? I can see swapping out the monkey if it didn't fare so well, but that's a big difference from faking the entire launch.

Seems a little odd. "The monkey looks different, so therefore that rocket plume last week didn't exist."

tinyarena		2013-02-01 05:11:14 PM

Oh boy...that monkey's gonna pay.

Tillmaster		2013-02-01 05:13:06 PM

Silly sods. They should have kept the original monkey on the ground, launched an unoccupied rocket, claimed the mission was successful and presented the monkey to the press. Tada!
Instead, it's Oook, boom, eeeeeeeeeek!

MylesHeartVodak		2013-02-01 05:13:29 PM

dj_bigbird: Raoul Eaton: I'm not shocked by their fakery, but I'm shocked at how shoddy it is. By contrast, the USA's "moon landing" still has folks convinced!

Remember, the US didn't have the fancy "Photoshop" that the Iranians do now, they had to use real models/mockups, real people, etc.

Here is a tidbit about the roots of the moon landing "hoax" conspiracy theory:

The 1950 film Destination Moon, based on a book and the later screenplay by Robert Heinlein, was the basis for it.

They were filming in Technicolor, with full mockups inside a closed sound stage. They were extremely strict, locking the doors, kicking out smokers and bystanders because of the air currents and particulates in the air. It was supposed to be on the moon, hence in full vacuum. They couldn't have dust particles floating around, etc. They were going for absolute realism on the set. Those that caught glimpses into the set, and angry bystanders kicked out, later claimed that this was the same set and films used later for the actual landing. I'm just guessing they were being AWs.

SevenT		2013-02-01 05:14:20 PM

Soooooo.... this is how the Planet Of The Apes really begins!!

blatz514		2013-02-01 05:16:52 PM

KOKO the monkey?

/has nothing to do with an actual monkey

I_Can't_Believe_it's_not_Boutros		2013-02-01 05:18:42 PM

And what about Laika, the space dog? They put her in the Sputnik and sent her into space. They attached wires to her heart and brain to see how she felt. I don't think she felt too good. She spun around up there for five months until her doggy bag was empty. She starved to death. It's important to have something like that to compare things to.

Belias		2013-02-01 05:23:06 PM

Tsar_Bomba1: Looks ok to me...

[sheikyermami.com image 364x400]

Seems legit.

Bondith		2013-02-01 05:25:11 PM

DonWrite: OMG THE MONKEY MUTATED IN SPACE!
I for one would like to be among the first to welcome our new Space Monkey Overlord.

What if he starts a space monkey mafia?

findthefish		2013-02-01 05:27:22 PM

I_Can't_Believe_it's_not_Boutros: And what about Laika, the space dog? They put her in the Sputnik and sent her into space. They attached wires to her heart and brain to see how she felt. I don't think she felt too good. She spun around up there for five months until her doggy bag was empty. She starved to death. It's important to have something like that to compare things to

Actually she did not last that long. She overheated and died after a 5 hours or so. No doubt it was a stressful and painful death.

js530		2013-02-01 05:35:17 PM

you mean they have more than one monkey now?
/we're farked

I_Can't_Believe_it's_not_Boutros		2013-02-01 05:37:06 PM

findthefish: Actually she did not last that long. She overheated and died after a 5 hours or so. No doubt it was a stressful and painful death.

It's strange how I can't stop thinking about Laika. People shouldn't think so much. "Time heals all wounds," Mrs. Arvidsson says. Mrs. Arvidsson says some wise things. You have to try to forget.

fat boy		2013-02-01 05:48:02 PM

Do Muslims consider monkeys clean or unclean?

TomD9938		2013-02-01 05:48:27 PM

I_Can't_Believe_it's_not_Boutros: It's strange how I can't stop thinking about Laika. People shouldn't think so much. "Time heals all wounds," Mrs. Arvidsson says. Mrs. Arvidsson says some wise things. You have to try to forget.

1.bp.blogspot.com

"Poor Laika."

Ennuipoet		2013-02-01 05:49:01 PM

codergirl42: Way to butcher the Beatles subby.

Look, I worked with what I had. And clearly, I was too old for some Farkers.

sheep snorter		2013-02-01 05:50:38 PM

the new monkey in question:

Jewnews is the same as foxnews

g4lt		2013-02-01 05:53:17 PM

MylesHeartVodak: dj_bigbird: Raoul Eaton: I'm not shocked by their fakery, but I'm shocked at how shoddy it is. By contrast, the USA's "moon landing" still has folks convinced!

Remember, the US didn't have the fancy "Photoshop" that the Iranians do now, they had to use real models/mockups, real people, etc.

Here is a tidbit about the roots of the moon landing "hoax" conspiracy theory:

The 1950 film Destination Moon, based on a book and the later screenplay by Robert Heinlein, was the basis for it.

They were filming in Technicolor, with full mockups inside a closed sound stage. They were extremely strict, locking the doors, kicking out smokers and bystanders because of the air currents and particulates in the air. It was supposed to be on the moon, hence in full vacuum. They couldn't have dust particles floating around, etc. They were going for absolute realism on the set. Those that caught glimpses into the set, and angry bystanders kicked out, later claimed that this was the same set and films used later for the actual landing. I'm just guessing they were being AWs.

Then the "Kubrick" theory is wrong, George Pal directed Destination Moon.

YodaBlues		2013-02-01 06:00:25 PM

g4lt: MylesHeartVodak: dj_bigbird: Raoul Eaton: I'm not shocked by their fakery, but I'm shocked at how shoddy it is. By contrast, the USA's "moon landing" still has folks convinced!

Remember, the US didn't have the fancy "Photoshop" that the Iranians do now, they had to use real models/mockups, real people, etc.

Here is a tidbit about the roots of the moon landing "hoax" conspiracy theory:

The 1950 film Destination Moon, based on a book and the later screenplay by Robert Heinlein, was the basis for it.

They were filming in Technicolor, with full mockups inside a closed sound stage. They were extremely strict, locking the doors, kicking out smokers and bystanders because of the air currents and particulates in the air. It was supposed to be on the moon, hence in full vacuum. They couldn't have dust particles floating around, etc. They were going for absolute realism on the set. Those that caught glimpses into the set, and angry bystanders kicked out, later claimed that this was the same set and films used later for the actual landing. I'm just guessing they were being AWs.

Then the "Kubrick" theory is wrong, George Pal directed Destination Moon.

That's what they want you to think.

/WAK EUP SHEEPLE!

LewDux		2013-02-01 06:44:47 PM

It still real to me, dammit

Hector Remarkable		2013-02-01 06:59:28 PM

Subtle headline with an earworm twist. +1

Feral_and_Preposterous		2013-02-01 07:05:51 PM

Aliens now walk among us. The real monkey was switched for a counterfeit alien space monkey while in orbit.

The real monkey is being used as a repository for alien semen until the queen can hock up her frothy egg-foam into the monkey's mouth. Once egg-foam is deposited and the mucous plug congeals the monkey will be fitted into a Justin Beiberesque exoskeleton, beamed back to Earth and sent on tour--where it will use its 4" ovapositor to deposit fertilized ova into the mouths and colons of unfortunate Beiber fans.

As the eggs grow they will imprint on the sounds they hear in their gastrointestinal wombs. Once they hatch they will seek out and do the bidding of those who can reproduce these sounds: Beiber music. Bend over and kiss your asses goodbye, people. You're going to be compelled by screaming masses of baby aliens ("yellowbones") to buy them yellow stones and yellow clothes and they'll all be speaking in tongues and you won't know what the f*ck you're hearing, but it'll make your ears bleed.

Arthen		2013-02-01 07:57:05 PM

Who gives a frak if they shot a monkey into space or just faked it?

Gyrfalcon		2013-02-01 08:04:51 PM

OK, so there are four options:

1. They never did the rocket launch.
2. They did the launch, but the monkey died on Earth
3. They did the launch, but the monkey died in space.
4. They did the launch, but the monkey died on reentry.

Since three of the four scenarios mean Iran did in fact launch their rocket, the remark of the so-called "expert" "the science you need to launch a monkey into space is the same that you need to send a warhead over the Atlantic Ocean," makes me think that Orly Taitz is doing their science reporting. It hardly matters if the MONKEY is real, if the ROCKET made it even six inches off the launch pad.

Ryker's Peninsula		2013-02-01 08:14:13 PM

Inter-Continental Ballistic Monkeys.

Fark Me To Tears		2013-02-01 08:34:56 PM

Are there no such things as twin monkeys? Would it have killed them to find a pair of identical monkeys beforehand, just in case something didn't work out? Apparently, the Iranians still have a lot to learn in the cover-your-ass aspect of the PR business.

remus		2013-02-01 09:00:49 PM

Advanced Iranian Space Program Training Module:

upload.wikimedia.org

g4lt		2013-02-01 09:14:06 PM

Arthen: Who gives a frak if they shot a monkey into space or just faked it?

The monkey?

sno man		2013-02-01 09:45:19 PM

Gyrfalcon: OK, so there are four options:

1. They never did the rocket launch.
2. They did the launch, but the monkey died on Earth
3. They did the launch, but the monkey died in space.
4. They did the launch, but the monkey died on reentry.

Since three of the four scenarios mean Iran did in fact launch their rocket, the remark of the so-called "expert" "the science you need to launch a monkey into space is the same that you need to send a warhead over the Atlantic Ocean," makes me think that Orly Taitz is doing their science reporting. It hardly matters if the MONKEY is real, if the ROCKET made it even six inches off the launch pad.

5 This rag is making the two monkey stuff up.
6 This rag is hoping their stupid readers think Iranians are even more stupid and can't even fake the monkey launch properly.
7 The first monkey heard about Ikea Monkey, and bolted for the nearest one to see what all the fuss was about

Also, launching a monkey into space and having it land back safely is a very different skill than having a warhead platform. They do not need to maintain an atmosphere, or have it land softly for the nuke... That is a whole lot of wasted science for a nuke. And this thing if it did what was reported, only when up about 70ish miles, and basically straight back down... Again a very different thing than you want from an ICBM.

Gyrfalcon		2013-02-01 09:55:25 PM

sno man: Gyrfalcon: OK, so there are four options:

1. They never did the rocket launch.
2. They did the launch, but the monkey died on Earth
3. They did the launch, but the monkey died in space.
4. They did the launch, but the monkey died on reentry.

Since three of the four scenarios mean Iran did in fact launch their rocket, the remark of the so-called "expert" "the science you need to launch a monkey into space is the same that you need to send a warhead over the Atlantic Ocean," makes me think that Orly Taitz is doing their science reporting. It hardly matters if the MONKEY is real, if the ROCKET made it even six inches off the launch pad.

5 This rag is making the two monkey stuff up.
6 This rag is hoping their stupid readers think Iranians are even more stupid and can't even fake the monkey launch properly.
7 The first monkey heard about Ikea Monkey, and bolted for the nearest one to see what all the fuss was about

Also, launching a monkey into space and having it land back safely is a very different skill than having a warhead platform. They do not need to maintain an atmosphere, or have it land softly for the nuke... That is a whole lot of wasted science for a nuke. And this thing if it did what was reported, only when up about 70ish miles, and basically straight back down... Again a very different thing than you want from an ICBM.

Well, the latter was my point. The "expert" quoted in the paper seems to be saying that oh, they want us to think they launched a monkey safely into space so they've got ICBM technology, but clearly they don't! But the tech needed for a safe launch&return of a live animal has nothing to do with a successful launch of an ICBM. The nuke isn't required to return safely to the earth, as JFK famously said, and certainly not to its launch point...one would hope.

Now, if the Iranians have reached the point in their space program where they CAN orbit a rocket safely, then one would suspect they've certainly acquired ICBM tech and that would be cause for great concern; but there's no sign of either at this point. Which might have been what Mr. Rocket Expert was trying to say, but didn't.

brimed03		2013-02-01 09:58:51 PM

Gosh, if only some country had a way if tracking earth-to-space launches and reentries, we'd know for sure. Maybe we could make something with radar, or send up some kind of satellite(s), or... aah, I'm just pipe dreaming aren't I?

sno man		2013-02-01 10:20:23 PM

'Israeli Thinker' would like to advance the level of fear in Israel and do what ever they can to get the US on that crazy train. Iran is years out on the rocket side and decades out on the nuke side.... Without any secret mountain nuclear lair explosions... that may or may not have been an Israeli attack that may or may not actually have happened.