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(Ottawa Citizen)   I was just trying to get a glass of milk at 5am and a stranger on the street hugged me & gave me his SUV. I swear the bloody knives in the backseat aren't mine   ( divider line
    More: Dumbass, SUV, insomnias  
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5683 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Feb 2013 at 3:46 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-02-01 05:02:50 PM  
3 votes:
That is one beautiful defense. As I read the story, I kept worrying that they had arrested Pocket Ninja.
2013-02-01 04:28:16 PM  
3 votes:
I have this sinking feeling that somewhere there is that one juror going "Yeah, that sounds possible".

/The troll in me wants to be on that jury so in deliberations I can say "I thought his story sounded reasonable" just to see 11 heads explode at once.
2013-02-01 04:15:10 PM  
3 votes:
i2.kym-cdn.comView Full Size
2013-02-01 05:03:23 PM  
2 votes:
Well, I live in Ottawa and I can tell you this guy's story checks out. I got my first SUV when I was 16 on my way to buy some ice tea and skittles. Every few years the SUV fairy finds me at different corner stores around the city. Right on schedule.

The program is not perfect. You can't specify the make or model of your SUVs, and you have to come to terms with "options" like severed heads, lice infested toques, super 8 movies of pretty co-eds last moments on earth, and some pretty seriously outdated Garmins. I mean really, who do I have to kill for an updated map?
2013-02-01 03:59:16 PM  
2 votes:
The more I read this story, the more I kept humming the tune "Alice's Restaurant".
2013-02-01 04:27:37 PM  
1 vote:

nickdaisy: But how can this be? Canada has strong gun laws.

How is it possible someone might commit such a bloody act without guns?

Yeah, and we all thought that the internet was going to make us smarter.

But here we are.
2013-02-01 04:22:55 PM  
1 vote:
That was the best article I read today. My mind is imagining so many scenarios.

Lawyer: Your DNA was found on the toque the victims say the attacker wore.
Stupid Guy: OMG, yeah, it probably was! It's crazy how that happened! I was wearing my Blue Jays cap, but then I saw this toque on the seat--and I know you're not supposed to share hats because of head lice... my mom told me about that--but it was a BLUE JAYS toque! I freaking LOVE the Jays! And it's winter, right? So what's going to keep me warmer--my Jays cap or the Jays toque? The TOQUE! I HAD to put that sucker on!
2013-02-01 04:20:56 PM  
1 vote:
Renaud was stabbed 20 times; Thomas had her throat slashed. Both survived.

As a man with elaborate paranoid fantasies of NSA agents silencing me for knowing too much, this surprises me and leaves me hopeful for my future.
2013-02-01 04:03:19 PM  
1 vote:
That is so wonderful.  I really hope this is an accurate reporting of what he said.  This is just great; the best part is that he thinks it has a chance of working...  I work with criminals for a living and am always amazed at what they will try to sell.
2013-02-01 02:48:59 PM  
1 vote:
What a SUV with bloody knives in it may look like.

watchplayread.comView Full Size
2013-02-01 02:27:03 PM  
1 vote:
What a story!
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