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(Ottawa Citizen)   I was just trying to get a glass of milk at 5am and a stranger on the street hugged me & gave me his SUV. I swear the bloody knives in the backseat aren't mine   (ottawacitizen.com) divider line 53
    More: Dumbass, SUV, insomnias  
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5655 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Feb 2013 at 3:46 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-01 02:27:03 PM  
What a story!
 
2013-02-01 02:48:59 PM  
What a SUV with bloody knives in it may look like.

watchplayread.com
 
2013-02-01 02:58:04 PM  
Yeah... that's the ticket...
 
2013-02-01 03:49:41 PM  
A "naive" Blake


I think that about sums things up here.
 
2013-02-01 03:50:49 PM  
Been there, done that.  I mean really, who hasn't had that happen to them before, so no way is he lying.
 
2013-02-01 03:52:22 PM  
I'm surprised that he forgot to mention Bigfoot, aliens, and a unicorn in his story.
 
2013-02-01 03:52:47 PM  
I read the headline in Mitch Hedberg's voice for some reason.
 
2013-02-01 03:55:14 PM  
abbottgran.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-02-01 03:59:16 PM  
The more I read this story, the more I kept humming the tune "Alice's Restaurant".
 
2013-02-01 04:03:19 PM  
That is so wonderful.  I really hope this is an accurate reporting of what he said.  This is just great; the best part is that he thinks it has a chance of working...  I work with criminals for a living and am always amazed at what they will try to sell.
 
2013-02-01 04:04:44 PM  
Seems legit.
 
2013-02-01 04:07:14 PM  

Precision Boobery: abbottgran.files.wordpress.com


all I can hear is Arnold asking "who is your daddy and vacht does he do?"
 
2013-02-01 04:08:47 PM  

sbking: That is so wonderful.  I really hope this is an accurate reporting of what he said.  This is just great; the best part is that he thinks it has a chance of working...  I work with criminals for a living and am always amazed at what they will try to sell.


Work for Goldman Sachs, I take it?
 
2013-02-01 04:08:49 PM  
i know some people in Ottawa are crazy, but this is cray-cray
 
2013-02-01 04:10:43 PM  
It really does seem like this guy had a schizophrenic moment kinda like Fight Club.  Like, he became someone else, the he met himself in the street.
 
2013-02-01 04:15:10 PM  
i2.kym-cdn.com
 
2013-02-01 04:20:56 PM  
Renaud was stabbed 20 times; Thomas had her throat slashed. Both survived.

As a man with elaborate paranoid fantasies of NSA agents silencing me for knowing too much, this surprises me and leaves me hopeful for my future.
 
2013-02-01 04:22:55 PM  
That was the best article I read today. My mind is imagining so many scenarios.

Lawyer: Your DNA was found on the toque the victims say the attacker wore.
Stupid Guy: OMG, yeah, it probably was! It's crazy how that happened! I was wearing my Blue Jays cap, but then I saw this toque on the seat--and I know you're not supposed to share hats because of head lice... my mom told me about that--but it was a BLUE JAYS toque! I freaking LOVE the Jays! And it's winter, right? So what's going to keep me warmer--my Jays cap or the Jays toque? The TOQUE! I HAD to put that sucker on!
 
2013-02-01 04:24:10 PM  
But how can this be? Canada has strong gun laws.

How is it possible someone might commit such a bloody act without guns?
 
2013-02-01 04:25:53 PM  
Blake said he took off his Toronto Blue Jays cap and replaced it with a black Blue Jays toque he found on the front seat

A what? What do they speak up there?

news.sportslogos.net
Oh, why didn't you just say so.
 
2013-02-01 04:27:37 PM  

nickdaisy: But how can this be? Canada has strong gun laws.

How is it possible someone might commit such a bloody act without guns?


Yeah, and we all thought that the internet was going to make us smarter.

But here we are.
 
2013-02-01 04:28:16 PM  
I have this sinking feeling that somewhere there is that one juror going "Yeah, that sounds possible".

/The troll in me wants to be on that jury so in deliberations I can say "I thought his story sounded reasonable" just to see 11 heads explode at once.
 
2013-02-01 04:31:25 PM  
You know what would be crazy? If they found proof that his story was true. Say video from the convenience store showing the two men (who look similar enough they could be mistaken for each other in a lineup) meeting outside, and one handing the other the keys.

It'd be a hell of a way to try to escape an attempted murder charge.
 
2013-02-01 04:35:13 PM  

The Larch: nickdaisy: But how can this be? Canada has strong gun laws.

How is it possible someone might commit such a bloody act without guns?

Yeah, and we all thought that the internet was going to make us smarter.

But here we are.


Fair enough.

I will concede that not all those who favor gun regulation are so foolish as to believe guns are the only method by which to commit violence.

Nor should the fact that there are other ways to harm people prevent us from attempting to-- where Constitutonal-- regulate dangerous behavior.

Wasn't that reasonable of me?
 
2013-02-01 04:38:14 PM  
He's entitled to a fair trial - guilty.
 
2013-02-01 04:39:13 PM  

Supes: You know what would be crazy? If they found proof that his story was true. Say video from the convenience store showing the two men (who look similar enough they could be mistaken for each other in a lineup) meeting outside, and one handing the other the keys.

It'd be a hell of a way to try to escape an attempted murder charge.


It would be better if they end up proving his story is true but only after he is sent to prison and becomes friends with a guy with an exceptional speaking voice.

/second choice would be if while being taken into police custody, his doppelganger was being brought in by another cop for similar charges and they got on the same elevator.  But that may be too obscure.
 
2013-02-01 04:43:47 PM  

nickdaisy: But how can this be? Canada has strong gun laws.

How is it possible someone might commit such a bloody act without guns?


The guy that got stabbed 20 times only lived.

I'm sure if he had been shot 20 times he'd have sprouted wings and been like an awesome unicornman that totes gets sucked off by every hot chick EVAR!
 
2013-02-01 04:53:55 PM  

BigNumber12: A "<strike>naive</strike> <b>lying</b>" Blake

I think that about sums things up here.


FTFY. Seriously, if a blood-soaked stranger walks up to you in the street at 5am and gives you a bear hug, your first reaction is not going to be to hang around and see if it's Free SUV from a Murderer day at the Gas'n'Go.
 
2013-02-01 04:55:38 PM  
Gah forgot I wasn't in raw HTML mode. Trying again.

BigNumber12: A "naive lying" Blake

I think that about sums things up here.


FTFY. Seriously, if a blood-soaked stranger walks up to you in the street at 5am and gives you a bear hug, your first reaction is not going to be to hang around and see if it's Free SUV from a Murderer day at the Gas'n'Go.
 
2013-02-01 04:57:37 PM  
You mean he's innocent, I mean for real innocent?
 
2013-02-01 04:57:56 PM  
FTA:"I realized, Why am I running? I have nothing to run from. I've done nothing wrong," said Blake.

Blake said he "ended up stopping and waiting" but decided to climb six metres up a tree because he was being "attacked" by black flies"


Right, that's why you climbed the tree. It's not as if blackflies can fly or anything.
Why is it drug addicts are so creative yet bad at concocting these stories?

Oh right, the drugs.
 
2013-02-01 04:58:06 PM  
"I have to say that's the most amazing story I've ever heard. What amazes me most is that you were taken in by it.  "
 
2013-02-01 05:01:11 PM  

gweilo8888: Gah forgot I wasn't in raw HTML mode. Trying again.

BigNumber12: A "naive lying" Blake

I think that about sums things up here.

FTFY. Seriously, if a blood-soaked stranger walks up to you in the street at 5am and gives you a bear hug, your first reaction is not going to be to hang around and see if it's Free SUV from a Murderer day at the Gas'n'Go.



Up until that line, the story had sounded like "this dumbass unwittingly helped a murderer dispose of evidence." After I posted, and resumed reading, was when the article headed off towards "this guy is a farking murderer."
 
2013-02-01 05:02:50 PM  
That is one beautiful defense. As I read the story, I kept worrying that they had arrested Pocket Ninja.
 
2013-02-01 05:03:20 PM  
i17.photobucket.com

I don't have no idea why it's there.  Like I said, It went in and wanted to look at it so see if there was any foul play involved

/obscure?
 
2013-02-01 05:03:23 PM  
Well, I live in Ottawa and I can tell you this guy's story checks out. I got my first SUV when I was 16 on my way to buy some ice tea and skittles. Every few years the SUV fairy finds me at different corner stores around the city. Right on schedule.

The program is not perfect. You can't specify the make or model of your SUVs, and you have to come to terms with "options" like severed heads, lice infested toques, super 8 movies of pretty co-eds last moments on earth, and some pretty seriously outdated Garmins. I mean really, who do I have to kill for an updated map?
 
2013-02-01 05:06:39 PM  

BigNumber12: gweilo8888: Gah forgot I wasn't in raw HTML mode. Trying again.

BigNumber12: A "naive lying" Blake

I think that about sums things up here.

FTFY. Seriously, if a blood-soaked stranger walks up to you in the street at 5am and gives you a bear hug, your first reaction is not going to be to hang around and see if it's Free SUV from a Murderer day at the Gas'n'Go.


Up until that line, the story had sounded like "this dumbass unwittingly helped a murderer dispose of evidence." After I posted, and resumed reading, was when the article headed off towards "this guy is a farking ATTEMPTED murderer."


FTFY since both his victims lived... somehow.
 
2013-02-01 05:12:18 PM  

Oliver Twisted: Supes: You know what would be crazy? If they found proof that his story was true. Say video from the convenience store showing the two men (who look similar enough they could be mistaken for each other in a lineup) meeting outside, and one handing the other the keys.

It'd be a hell of a way to try to escape an attempted murder charge.

It would be better if they end up proving his story is true but only after he is sent to prison and becomes friends with a guy with an exceptional speaking voice.

/second choice would be if while being taken into police custody, his doppelganger was being brought in by another cop for similar charges and they got on the same elevator. But that may be too obscure.


Venus Flytrap FTW!
 
2013-02-01 05:17:39 PM  

Bob_Laublaw: Oliver Twisted: Supes: You know what would be crazy? If they found proof that his story was true. Say video from the convenience store showing the two men (who look similar enough they could be mistaken for each other in a lineup) meeting outside, and one handing the other the keys.

It'd be a hell of a way to try to escape an attempted murder charge.

It would be better if they end up proving his story is true but only after he is sent to prison and becomes friends with a guy with an exceptional speaking voice.

/second choice would be if while being taken into police custody, his doppelganger was being brought in by another cop for similar charges and they got on the same elevator. But that may be too obscure.

Venus Flytrap FTW!


i231.photobucket.com
 
2013-02-01 05:21:46 PM  

No Time To Explain: i know some people in Ottawa are crazy, but this is cray-cray


You might say they are..
Puts on sunglasses...

Loony?


YEEEEAAAAAHHH!!!!


www.loon.org
 
2013-02-01 05:21:59 PM  
the stupid is strong in this one.
 
2013-02-01 05:24:17 PM  
what is the worst lie ever?

/what do I win?
 
2013-02-01 05:48:12 PM  
That being said, I did have a biploar aunt randomly give someone her SUV during a manic episode. Unlikely, but it does happen I guess?
 
2013-02-01 05:51:01 PM  

big pig peaches: Seems legit.


came for this

/reaches for kleenex
 
2013-02-01 06:27:12 PM  
Wow, this guy should be on the OJ team. Sounds about as plausible as OJ's defense. Nice try, but you're not a trophy winning black dude that everyone is too pussy to convict. You're going to jail.
 
2013-02-01 06:35:08 PM  
This is like my favourite story ever.
 
2013-02-01 07:06:55 PM  

Precision Boobery: [abbottgran.files.wordpress.com image 200x231]


Do all girls who are about to get raped wear skirts and dresses?  We should ban skirts and dresses... and girls.
 
2013-02-01 07:44:46 PM  
Considering how deep the mafia is in around Quebec, they could use a scheme like this one day to pass off stolen cars and stuff. Wouldn't surprise me.

That being said, his story could have used a vampire and an alien or two.
 
2013-02-01 08:40:39 PM  

Oliver Twisted: I have this sinking feeling that somewhere there is that one juror going "Yeah, that sounds possible".

/The troll in me wants to be on that jury so in deliberations I can say "I thought his story sounded reasonable" just to see 11 heads explode at once.


This makes complete sense.  I mean if you are a criminal looking to tie up the police up with a false lead, how does it get much better than this?  There is clearly no way the police would ever believe Blake's story, which ensure the criminal had days, if not weeks, to put distance between himself and the crime scene.  By now the guy who did the home invasion is likely in Southeast Asia by now and laughing at how he pulled one over on the Mounties.  Beside why would a guy who committed the crime leave the bloody knives in the vehicle?  This experienced criminal even know to find a patsy who resembled him.

The real outrage here is the close minded actions of the police investigators that allowed the real criminal to escape.
 
2013-02-01 09:33:57 PM  

Oliver Twisted: I have this sinking feeling that somewhere there is that one juror going "Yeah, that sounds possible".

/The troll in me wants to be on that jury so in deliberations I can say "I thought his story sounded reasonable" just to see 11 heads explode at once.


I would not be allowed on that jury because I gave away a SUV to a stranger
 
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