Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(The Atlantic)   The problem with DIY penis implants   (theatlantic.com ) divider line
    More: Scary, implants, sticky tape, u.s. prisons, harm reduction, blood-borne disease, Journal of Sexual Medicine, University of New South Wales, body piercing  
•       •       •

15469 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Feb 2013 at 3:16 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



111 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-02-01 11:54:43 AM  
"The"? As in there's only one?
 
2013-02-01 12:01:10 PM  

AtticusFinchEsq: "The"? As in there's only one?


Came to say the same thing

/I can think of several right off the top
 
2013-02-01 12:01:26 PM  
Not surprising. Home appendectomies never caught on either, for similar reasons.
 
2013-02-01 12:08:13 PM  
WTF humanity?
 
2013-02-01 12:23:29 PM  
Why not have someone smuggle in some ribbed condoms instead?  If it is pain you want to inflict on someone's anus, grow your nails out and have a rough poke around.  No need to mangle your jimmy.
 
2013-02-01 12:26:44 PM  
The only thing that's going in my penis is... wait! Nothing better be going in my penis!
 
2013-02-01 02:19:58 PM  
Just the headline made me wince
 
2013-02-01 02:42:17 PM  

ArkAngel: Just the headline made me wince


You know, there was a time when it was completely acceptable to insert things into your Wang.

1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-02-01 02:44:16 PM  
Once we looked at the data we thought it might be incorrect, so we went back again and verified everything, but it was all correct," Lorraine Yap,

cdn2.hark.com

I wish you could just shut your big YAPPER!
 
Pud
2013-02-01 02:51:07 PM  
So is this supposed to be a pic. of what a penis implant might look like?

cdn.theatlantic.com

*shudder*
 
2013-02-01 03:07:34 PM  
Oh lord oh lord why?!? Why would you even tell us about that?!

oh lord....
 
2013-02-01 03:18:59 PM  
Couldn't even click the link.
 
2013-02-01 03:20:14 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: AtticusFinchEsq: "The"? As in there's only one?

Came to say the same thing

/I can think of several right off the top

tip

FTFY
 
2013-02-01 03:20:19 PM  
So is this going to be the new baggy pants thing???
 
2013-02-01 03:22:10 PM  
I propose we strike this headline from Fark and never discuss this topic again!
 
2013-02-01 03:22:42 PM  

Pud: So is this supposed to be a pic. of what a penis implant might look like?

[cdn.theatlantic.com image 615x330]

*shudder*


Am I the only one here who counted the pips on the dice?
 
2013-02-01 03:22:50 PM  
Take out the hyphen for maximum giggles.
www.thecollegetownlife.com
 
2013-02-01 03:22:57 PM  

Pud: So is this supposed to be a pic. of what a penis implant might look like?

[cdn.theatlantic.com image 615x330]

*shudder*


Make a saving throw
 
2013-02-01 03:24:05 PM  
I gave subby's mom a penis implant
 
2013-02-01 03:24:29 PM  
Before clicking the link I said to myself "dont' click on the link, don't click on the link".  I wish I had listened.
 
2013-02-01 03:24:30 PM  
archive.heinessen.com
 
2013-02-01 03:24:41 PM  
I'm sure prison can get pretty boring, and I know they have activities to do, but gotdamn.
 
2013-02-01 03:24:42 PM  
Nope. Nope. Nope.

Not going to click.

Not going to read.
 
2013-02-01 03:24:47 PM  

Pud: So is this supposed to be a pic. of what a penis implant might look like?



cdn.theatlantic.com
*shudder*

Brings the whole idea of throwing craps to a new level.

\rimshot.
 
2013-02-01 03:25:19 PM  
Ha ha ha! I know this topic somewhat intimately. Copy and paste from a thread from years ago that I have linked in my profile:


"True confession time:

So about 10 years ago, I was reading a book called Modern Primitives. In this book was an illustration of a custom Japanese prisoners used to do; for ever year they were in jail, they would take a sharpened piece of bamboo and make an incision in the shaft of their penis and insert a pearl. After a few years, they would have a "studded" cock. Well, I thought this was the cat's meow, so I went and ordered surgical steel ball bearings, got a scalpel, sutures, and planned my alteration. One night, after a few beers, I figured the time had come. I prepped the area, assembled my tools, and made the first incision.


You would not believe how much the penis bleeds when cut.


I had a pool of blood in my lap in seconds. I tried to push the ball in, but it was too slippery, I couldn't get a grip, nor could I see through all the blood. Minutes of trying got me nowhere, so I finally gave up, bandaged my dong and mopped up the blood. I did learn the rule the headline stated that day, as well as alcohol thins out your blood."
 
2013-02-01 03:25:30 PM  
Nothing about that sounds remotely like a good idea.

Exactly how small and broke do you have to be to even consider trying to give yourself a penis implant?
 
2013-02-01 03:25:34 PM  
I strongly recommend everyone search for the video "Kids in the Sandbox."  (This is totally NSFW, you were warned)
 
2013-02-01 03:27:21 PM  

ArkAngel: Just the headline made me wince


Came to say this
 
2013-02-01 03:27:45 PM  
FTFA: Yap's study concluded that the prevalence of penile implants in prison was a cause for concern. "

Ya think? Especially if you're in prison and you're not well respected.

Inmate 1: "So, cellmate I hear you just got a penile implant from Debo. What did it cost you?

Inmate 2: "Meh, A couple cartons of smokes and some Little Debbie snack cakes."

Inmate 1: "Cool. But, errrr, you're serving life with no parole. What are you planning to do with that thing anyway?

Inmate 2: "You'll find out soon enough"

Inmate 1:   :-I
 
2013-02-01 03:27:46 PM  
Do not DIY. If you must have an implant, go to a professional doctor. Or for gods' sakes, just buy a sports car like the rest of us.
 
2013-02-01 03:30:14 PM  
One of the men, a 25-year-old from a Texan prison, placed a heart carved out of a domino through an incision into his mid-dorsal foreskin that he made with the tip of a ballpoint pen

Oh...Oh dear. I'll be curled up in ball over in the corner, thank you.
 
2013-02-01 03:31:19 PM  
There's a Peter Gabriel joke in this somewhere, but my penis hurts too much for me to think of it.
 
2013-02-01 03:31:46 PM  

FarkinHostile: Ha ha ha! I know this topic somewhat intimately. Copy and paste from a thread from years ago that I have linked in my profile:


"True confession time:

So about 10 years ago, I was reading a book called Modern Primitives. In this book was an illustration of a custom Japanese prisoners used to do; for ever year they were in jail, they would take a sharpened piece of bamboo and make an incision in the shaft of their penis and insert a pearl. After a few years, they would have a "studded" cock. Well, I thought this was the cat's meow, so I went and ordered surgical steel ball bearings, got a scalpel, sutures, and planned my alteration. One night, after a few beers, I figured the time had come. I prepped the area, assembled my tools, and made the first incision.


You would not believe how much the penis bleeds when cut.


I had a pool of blood in my lap in seconds. I tried to push the ball in, but it was too slippery, I couldn't get a grip, nor could I see through all the blood. Minutes of trying got me nowhere, so I finally gave up, bandaged my dong and mopped up the blood. I did learn the rule the headline stated that day, as well as alcohol thins out your blood."


So that's what a picture of a guy who would stick foreign objects in his thing looks like.  Huh.  Nice hat.
 
2013-02-01 03:33:12 PM  
This says it all.
mlpchan.net
 
2013-02-01 03:33:48 PM  
Jesus farking Christ on a cracker! DO NOT WANT!
 
2013-02-01 03:34:45 PM  
I'd heard of pearling as a Yakuza thing.  Why anyone would want to make their dingdong look like it has smallpox I'll never know.
 
2013-02-01 03:36:15 PM  

FarkinHostile: Ha ha ha! I know this topic somewhat intimately. Copy and paste from a thread from years ago that I have linked in my profile:


"True confession time:

So about 10 years ago, I was reading a book called Modern Primitives. In this book was an illustration of a custom Japanese prisoners used to do; for ever year they were in jail, they would take a sharpened piece of bamboo and make an incision in the shaft of their penis and insert a pearl. After a few years, they would have a "studded" cock. Well, I thought this was the cat's meow, so I went and ordered surgical steel ball bearings, got a scalpel, sutures, and planned my alteration. One night, after a few beers, I figured the time had come. I prepped the area, assembled my tools, and made the first incision.


You would not believe how much the penis bleeds when cut.


I had a pool of blood in my lap in seconds. I tried to push the ball in, but it was too slippery, I couldn't get a grip, nor could I see through all the blood. Minutes of trying got me nowhere, so I finally gave up, bandaged my dong and mopped up the blood. I did learn the rule the headline stated that day, as well as alcohol thins out your blood."


I would've carried that secret to my grave if I were you, now you will be added to my favorites list with an appropriate reminder as to why.
 
2013-02-01 03:36:25 PM  
I cannot, for the life of me, figure out why a man would do this to themselves.
 
2013-02-01 03:36:33 PM  

Pud: So is this supposed to be a pic. of what a penis implant might look like?

[cdn.theatlantic.com image 615x330]

*shudder*


SWEET! Looks like my dick rolled a 40!

/what? your dick doesn't do 12d6 damage?
 
2013-02-01 03:37:47 PM  
Make her think she is chewing on a Pay Day?
 
2013-02-01 03:38:03 PM  

brap: Why anyone would want to make their dingdong look like it has smallpox I'll never know.


For her pleasure, of course!
 
2013-02-01 03:38:17 PM  
Am I the only one who saw that image and thought "oh yes, I get to reroll the two 6s"

/SR34VR
 
2013-02-01 03:39:38 PM  

Cheron: Pud: So is this supposed to be a pic. of what a penis implant might look like?

[cdn.theatlantic.com image 615x330]

*shudder*

Make a saving throw


Roll the boners.
 
2013-02-01 03:40:04 PM  
Ah, good old 入珠
 
2013-02-01 03:41:17 PM  
FarkinHostile:


You would not believe how much the penis bleeds when cut.


Mayan Kings would participate in ritual bloodletting by running a stingray barb through the foreskin, they would let the blood drip on paper, and then burn the paper, so yeah, I believe.

www.sreoriginals.com
 
2013-02-01 03:42:25 PM  

FarkinHostile: Ha ha ha! I know this topic somewhat intimately. Copy and paste from a thread from years ago that I have linked in my profile:


"True confession time:

So about 10 years ago, I was reading a book called Modern Primitives. In this book was an illustration of a custom Japanese prisoners used to do; for ever year they were in jail, they would take a sharpened piece of bamboo and make an incision in the shaft of their penis and insert a pearl. After a few years, they would have a "studded" cock. Well, I thought this was the cat's meow, so I went and ordered surgical steel ball bearings, got a scalpel, sutures, and planned my alteration. One night, after a few beers, I figured the time had come. I prepped the area, assembled my tools, and made the first incision.


You would not believe how much the penis bleeds when cut.


I had a pool of blood in my lap in seconds. I tried to push the ball in, but it was too slippery, I couldn't get a grip, nor could I see through all the blood. Minutes of trying got me nowhere, so I finally gave up, bandaged my dong and mopped up the blood. I did learn the rule the headline stated that day, as well as alcohol thins out your blood."


Sadly, I remember the 90s too. Why did I think a 10ga P.A. was a good idea? And don't get me started on branding - yeesh! Also, ow.
 
2013-02-01 03:43:54 PM  
Are penis implants ever going to become a reality? We figured out boobs, why not cock?
 
2013-02-01 03:44:01 PM  

Teiritzamna: Pud: So is this supposed to be a pic. of what a penis implant might look like?

[cdn.theatlantic.com image 615x330]

*shudder*

SWEET! Looks like my dick rolled a 40!

/what? your dick doesn't do 12d6 damage?


Thread = won
 
2013-02-01 03:44:05 PM  

FarkinHostile: Ha ha ha! I know this topic somewhat intimately. Copy and paste from a thread from years ago that I have linked in my profile:


"True confession time:

So about 10 years ago, I was reading a book called Modern Primitives. In this book was an illustration of a custom Japanese prisoners used to do; for ever year they were in jail, they would take a sharpened piece of bamboo and make an incision in the shaft of their penis and insert a pearl. After a few years, they would have a "studded" cock. Well, I thought this was the cat's meow, so I went and ordered surgical steel ball bearings, got a scalpel, sutures, and planned my alteration. One night, after a few beers, I figured the time had come. I prepped the area, assembled my tools, and made the first incision.


You would not believe how much the penis bleeds when cut.


I had a pool of blood in my lap in seconds. I tried to push the ball in, but it was too slippery, I couldn't get a grip, nor could I see through all the blood. Minutes of trying got me nowhere, so I finally gave up, bandaged my dong and mopped up the blood. I did learn the rule the headline stated that day, as well as alcohol thins out your blood."


Don't you think it would be incredibly uncomfortable when having a raging boner?  I think it would hurt.
 
2013-02-01 03:45:09 PM  
6-sided dice are for wimps.

farm4.staticflickr.com
 
2013-02-01 03:45:10 PM  
Busy hands are happy hands.
 
2013-02-01 03:45:12 PM  
Unless they are dungeon masters

www.legendgames.co.uk
 
2013-02-01 03:46:33 PM  
No WIENERS tag?
 
2013-02-01 03:47:28 PM  

DROxINxTHExWIND: FTFA: Yap's study concluded that the prevalence of penile implants in prison was a cause for concern. "

Ya think? Especially if you're in prison and you're not well respected.


Yeah, it's a bit disconcerning that they're having an arms race with their penises.
Offense is winning, but somewhere out there is a genius working on anus defense.
 
2013-02-01 03:48:18 PM  

cgraves67: Do not DIY. If you must have an implant, go to a professional doctor. Or for gods' sakes, just buy a sports car like the rest of us.


An assault rifle is much cheaper than a sportscar.You also don't need to pay for gas,registration,license,tires,etc.A sportscar may fit inside a farmer's market but never inside a school,courthouse,your ex wife's bedroom.For the man who wants to impress the women,an AR-15 is the way to go.
 
2013-02-01 03:49:31 PM  

God-is-a-Taco: DROxINxTHExWIND: FTFA: Yap's study concluded that the prevalence of penile implants in prison was a cause for concern. "

Ya think? Especially if you're in prison and you're not well respected.

Yeah, it's a bit disconcerning that they're having an arms race with their penises.
Offense is winning, but somewhere out there is a genius working on anus defense.


Dark, dark thoughts involving raccoon traps, razor blades...fundus dentata indeed...
 
2013-02-01 03:51:03 PM  
www.estergoldberg.com
the penis doctor is in...brace yourself
 
2013-02-01 03:51:07 PM  
There once was a man locked in prison
who felt that there was something missin'
he gathered up dice,
ball bearings, and mice,
And undertook phallus revision.
 
2013-02-01 03:51:15 PM  
*Reads title*
i0.kym-cdn.com
 
2013-02-01 03:51:24 PM  

Allen. The end.: God-is-a-Taco: DROxINxTHExWIND: FTFA: Yap's study concluded that the prevalence of penile implants in prison was a cause for concern. "

Ya think? Especially if you're in prison and you're not well respected.

Yeah, it's a bit disconcerning that they're having an arms race with their penises.
Offense is winning, but somewhere out there is a genius working on anus defense.

Dark, dark thoughts involving raccoon traps, razor blades...fundus dentata indeed...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7GJJR-3Ti7w
 
2013-02-01 03:55:16 PM  
I thought the article was about implanting your penis into things.

I implanted mine into a goat one time. But before you guys start saying that's weird, it was a female goat.
 
2013-02-01 03:56:21 PM  

xaratherus: Allen. The end.: God-is-a-Taco: DROxINxTHExWIND: FTFA: Yap's study concluded that the prevalence of penile implants in prison was a cause for concern. "

Ya think? Especially if you're in prison and you're not well respected.

Yeah, it's a bit disconcerning that they're having an arms race with their penises.
Offense is winning, but somewhere out there is a genius working on anus defense.

Dark, dark thoughts involving raccoon traps, razor blades...fundus dentata indeed...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7GJJR-3Ti7w


OK, I larfed!
 
2013-02-01 03:56:56 PM  

MythDragon: I thought the article was about implanting your penis into things.

I implanted mine into a goat one time. But before you guys start saying that's weird, it was a female goat.


You got your sexual deviance in my unnecessary surgery thread.
 
2013-02-01 03:57:06 PM  

MythDragon: I thought the article was about implanting your penis into things.

I implanted mine into a goat one time. But before you guys start saying that's weird, it was a female goat.


As long as you were a gentleman and went down on her first, I don't see a problem with this.
 
2013-02-01 04:01:19 PM  

DROxINxTHExWIND: FTFA: Yap's study concluded that the prevalence of penile implants in prison was a cause for concern. "

Ya think? Especially if you're in prison and you're not well respected.

Inmate 1: "So, cellmate I hear you just got a penile implant from Debo. What did it cost you?

Inmate 2: "Meh, A couple cartons of smokes and some Little Debbie snack cakes."

Inmate 1: "Cool. But, errrr, you're serving life with no parole. What are you planning to do with that thing anyway?

Inmate 2: "You'll find out soon enough"

Inmate 1:   :-I


p.twimg.com
Hey Debo! When you're done suckling Ice Cube's teet for work I got a job for ya! Yeah, I have little debbies and smokes!
 
2013-02-01 04:03:30 PM  
You've got to do something that fills in the day
 
2013-02-01 04:11:32 PM  
I mean, what else are you going to do with those toothpaste caps? Throw them away?

You people disgust me with your wastefulness.
 
2013-02-01 04:13:35 PM  

theorellior: brap: Why anyone would want to make their dingdong look like it has smallpox I'll never know.

For her pleasure, of course!


What "her pleasure" would be.

Let me get that pimple *sploit*  Ohhhhh goody goody gumdrops, a pearl!
 
2013-02-01 04:15:03 PM  
OUCH!!! To infinity, if you don't bleed out first. Sad to say this is nothing new under the sun. Whatever is done has been done like about thousands of years ago, no originality left. Gerbils up your ass is much safer, if they know their way back out. Ask Richard Gere, the Buddhist King of gerbils. And Where is Loreena Bobbitt when you really need her. So many things to do with IT rather than tossing it on the ground or on a barbeque grill. Dumbasses... simple as that.
 
2013-02-01 04:15:11 PM  
Everything. How about Everything.

www.picturesof.net
 
2013-02-01 04:22:21 PM  

PrivateCaboose: I mean, what else are you going to do with those toothpaste caps? Throw them away?

You people disgust me with your wastefulness.


"Nobody will notice if just a few caps are missing..."

content7.flixster.com
 
2013-02-01 04:22:30 PM  
And the implants themselves have a variety of names, such as pearls, Yakuza beads, penile inserts, penile marbles, and speed bumps.

How creative...
 
2013-02-01 04:23:24 PM  
(reads article)

Oh, this is stupid shiat idiots do in prison. Moving on ...
 
2013-02-01 04:24:12 PM  
They are bored alright...and stroked.
 
2013-02-01 04:30:20 PM  

cleveoh: One of the men, a 25-year-old from a Texan prison, placed a heart carved out of a domino through an incision into his mid-dorsal foreskin that he made with the tip of a ballpoint pen

Oh...Oh dear. I'll be curled up in ball over in the corner, thank you.


I made it exactly this far into TFA before I couldn't handle it any longer and had to stop reading.
 
2013-02-01 04:31:12 PM  
<img src="i40.tinypic.com ">
 
2013-02-01 04:32:37 PM  
The funny thing, I'm sure all these dudes locked in men's only prisons have convinced themselves that having another dude modify their johnson is "totally not gay."

/They need to find another way to pass the time.
 
2013-02-01 04:33:11 PM  
I've had these, for about ten years. They're kinda fun.
I did them myself, never had a problem.
 
2013-02-01 04:41:39 PM  
Cool, now I can drink all I want tonight as my penis has run away.
 
2013-02-01 04:43:12 PM  
3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-02-01 04:43:29 PM  
As with anything like this, it could have been worse.


www.wired.com
 
2013-02-01 04:54:37 PM  
www.gearfuse.com
 
2013-02-01 04:56:19 PM  

Salmon: Unless they are dungeon masters

[www.legendgames.co.uk image 240x206]


trying to make a joke about thaco and unfortunate consequences of do it yourself penis enlargement...

hmm

/ you have lost your savings throw vs genital mutilation
 
2013-02-01 05:00:30 PM  

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Are penis implants ever going to become a reality? We figured out boobs, why not cock?


They absolutely exist. You absolutely don't want to think about it.

http://www.urologicalcare.com/educational-resources/video/

HailRobonia: There once was a man locked in prison
who felt that there was something missin'
he gathered up dice,
ball bearings, and mice,
And undertook phallus revision.


You sir, have been toeing the line for a week or two, and this one has vaulted you over it. Welcome to the "supergreen must read" club. It is an exclusive one.

/Pocket Ninja, Timmy the Tumor, spentmiles, meow said the dog, HailRobonia
//you have the distinction of being the only liter
 
2013-02-01 05:00:56 PM  

Pud: So is this supposed to be a pic. of what a penis implant might look like?

[cdn.theatlantic.com image 615x330]

*shudder*


"Some of the objects that have been inserted under the penile skin include beads made from melted toothpaste caps, buttons, dice, and deodorant roller balls."

So, yes.

\*cringe*
 
2013-02-01 05:02:37 PM  
#1 YOU HAVE TO CUT YOUR PENIS WITH A KNIFE (PROBABLY A DULL SHANK TYPE THING) WITH NO ANESTHETIC.

/only one I need
JC
 
2013-02-01 05:03:07 PM  
www.explosm.net
 
2013-02-01 05:13:37 PM  
DIY? Fark that! Have a pro do it. "it's not self mutilation if you pay us to do it for you." Akbar and Jeff's piercing hut.

I considered Yakuza beads, but decided against it. Ladies will have to get their raised pleasure dots, from my apadravya. (WARNING, web search results will be NSFW)
 
2013-02-01 05:17:28 PM  
Nothing to do all day,
so to whittle the time away,
i step into my bunk,
slice up my junk,
'cause giving the shaft a berm,
seems to shorten my prison term.
 
2013-02-01 05:28:01 PM  
I used to work with a woman whose husband put stainless ball bearings under the skin of his penis, while he was in a Mexican prison. I can't remember why she told me, but she said sex was painful.
 
2013-02-01 05:37:07 PM  

Allen. The end.: FarkinHostile: Ha ha ha! I know this topic somewhat intimately. Copy and paste from a thread from years ago that I have linked in my profile:


"True confession time:

So about 10 years ago, I was reading a book called Modern Primitives. In this book was an illustration of a custom Japanese prisoners used to do; for ever year they were in jail, they would take a sharpened piece of bamboo and make an incision in the shaft of their penis and insert a pearl. After a few years, they would have a "studded" cock. Well, I thought this was the cat's meow, so I went and ordered surgical steel ball bearings, got a scalpel, sutures, and planned my alteration. One night, after a few beers, I figured the time had come. I prepped the area, assembled my tools, and made the first incision.


You would not believe how much the penis bleeds when cut.


I had a pool of blood in my lap in seconds. I tried to push the ball in, but it was too slippery, I couldn't get a grip, nor could I see through all the blood. Minutes of trying got me nowhere, so I finally gave up, bandaged my dong and mopped up the blood. I did learn the rule the headline stated that day, as well as alcohol thins out your blood."

Sadly, I remember the 90s too. Why did I think a 10ga P.A. was a good idea? And don't get me started on branding - yeesh! Also, ow.


Same here. My 10 ga. P.A. Eventually stretched to a 0 ga P.A. From the weight if the jewelry (and other activities). Had to finally take it out after 6 years lest I become inadvertantly spliced.
7 years later I can still get a 2 ga in with no trouble.
 
2013-02-01 05:41:43 PM  
Apparently there could be a market for Predator and Alien textured condoms. Cripes.
 
2013-02-01 06:11:41 PM  
As someone who has performed many of these procedures, I'm getting a kick.

/no really
//at least 40+ over the last 7 years
///Tattooist and piercer
/weiners
 
2013-02-01 06:13:03 PM  
www.halloweenforum.com

Hadn't thought of that.
 
2013-02-01 06:47:59 PM  

St_Francis_P: Not surprising. Home appendectomies never caught on either, for similar reasons.


25.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-02-01 06:49:00 PM  

SpaceBison: St_Francis_P: Not surprising. Home appendectomies never caught on either, for similar reasons.

[25.media.tumblr.com image 500x506]


How do you walk when your balls are that big?!
 
2013-02-01 06:52:03 PM  

The Angry Hand of God: SpaceBison: St_Francis_P: Not surprising. Home appendectomies never caught on either, for similar reasons.

[25.media.tumblr.com image 500x506]

How do you walk when your balls are that big?!


You cut them off yourself and carry them in a bag over your shoulder, like Santa Claus.
 
2013-02-01 06:52:29 PM  

cgraves67: Do not DIY. If you must have an implant, go to a professional doctor. Or for gods' sakes, just buy a sports car like the rest of us.


I highly imagine there is a surplus of professional surgeons willing to turn their patients' hoohahs into genital charm bracelets, so my guess is it's DIY or nothing.

The funny thing is, my GP might be one of them.  He's kind of a hoot.  Nice guy, very competent, but kind of goofy.  I could see him shrugging and saying "OK" if I handed him a chunk of plastic and asked him to shove it up under my thunder.
 
2013-02-01 07:23:19 PM  
Yakuza bead thread.

I wouldnt mind if i woke up from a "the hangover" type weekend I dont remember with yakuza beads( better than a bad tat or a missiing tooth or finding out you farked a lady boy) but there is no way in hell Id let someone with a knife near my junk to install them while concious and sober enough to remember it.
 
2013-02-01 07:36:03 PM  

grinding_journalist: Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Are penis implants ever going to become a reality? We figured out boobs, why not cock?

They absolutely exist. You absolutely don't want to think about it.

http://www.urologicalcare.com/educational-resources/video/

HailRobonia: There once was a man locked in prison
who felt that there was something missin'
he gathered up dice,
ball bearings, and mice,
And undertook phallus revision.

You sir, have been toeing the line for a week or two, and this one has vaulted you over it. Welcome to the "supergreen must read" club. It is an exclusive one.

/Pocket Ninja, Timmy the Tumor, spentmiles, meow said the dog, HailRobonia
//you have the distinction of being the only liter


Just buy a h2.
 
2013-02-01 08:20:30 PM  

The Angry Hand of God: MythDragon: I thought the article was about implanting your penis into things.

I implanted mine into a goat one time. But before you guys start saying that's weird, it was a female goat.

As long as you were a gentleman and went down on her first, I don't see a problem with this.


th03.deviantart.net

I'ms not goings down on goats. I'ms big rockstar now. They goes down on me! I don't have to do that anymore!
 
2013-02-01 08:38:52 PM  
Fta:
' The Journal of Sexual Medicine documents that Asian penile nodules were also made from bullets, pearls, gems, ivory, jade and precious metals...'

I'm sure bullets are a poor choice of material for penile nodules.
 
2013-02-01 08:40:29 PM  
Roll dem bones
 
2013-02-01 08:41:10 PM  

steadyb: Fta:
' The Journal of Sexual Medicine documents that Asian penile nodules were also made from bullets, pearls, gems, ivory, jade and precious metals...'

I'm sure bullets are a poor choice of material for penile nodules.


Unless you really wanna bang a broad with your piece
 
2013-02-01 08:41:21 PM  
They are correct about the Asian thing. Of all the dicks I've sucked in my time, I've come across this only once in Thailand and once in Vietnam. The Thai guy actually called it a "silicone implant" and claimed that it makes sex better for the woman though I doubt it. It's awful for the person giving the blowjob because its a bump in the middle. I regret my Viet friend who did this in two spots. Before he did this, he was one of my favorite people to suck off, his dick was the perfect long and skinny and perfect for sucking to orgasm but after he put those things in, it became way harder for me.
 
2013-02-01 10:21:26 PM  

God-is-a-Taco: Yeah, it's a bit disconcerning that they're having an arms race with their penises.


i.imgur.com
There's another kind of arms race?
 
2013-02-01 10:29:49 PM  
I mentioned this to my coworker after reading tfa. He said his uncle (in prison, natch) did this to himself. Put a marble in. Claimed the ladies loved to hear the popping sound when he pulled out. Wasn't asian tho, mexican.

Funny that the article quoted females as saying they didn't like it. I haven't heard any chicks who got anything out of dick piercings either.
 
2013-02-01 10:34:19 PM  
Given an infinite amount of time and nothing to fill that time with, at NO POINT would I cut open my dick.
It would NEVER cross my mind.
It wouldn't occur to me to pay someone to slice open my hammer and I would never think 'Hrm, I'm going to take a sharp instrument and cut up my own wangdangdoodle'.

/And I've pierced my nipples, tongue, ears, nose, labret and have tattoos.
 
2013-02-01 11:27:46 PM  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! !AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HH!

/DNRTFA
//DNRTFThread
///RTFHeadline
////AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! !!!!!! !
 
2013-02-02 05:15:36 AM  
It's only a matter of time before Rammstein or Marilyn Manson does a song about it.
 
2013-02-02 06:18:27 AM  
I'd wager the sole problem with DIY penis implants is the DIY part.
 
Displayed 111 of 111 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter








In Other Media
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report