FARK.com: (7569526) The problem with DIY penis implants

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		The problem with DIY penis implants (theatlantic.com)		111
		More: Scary, implants, sticky tape, u.s. prisons, harm reduction, blood-borne disease, Journal of Sexual Medicine, University of New South Wales, body piercing

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15378 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Feb 2013 at 3:16 PM | Favorite | share:

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AtticusFinchEsq		2013-02-01 11:54:43 AM

"The"? As in there's only one?

MaudlinMutantMollusk		2013-02-01 12:01:10 PM

AtticusFinchEsq: "The"? As in there's only one?

Came to say the same thing

/I can think of several right off the top

St_Francis_P		2013-02-01 12:01:26 PM

Not surprising. Home appendectomies never caught on either, for similar reasons.

Blues_X		2013-02-01 12:08:13 PM

WTF humanity?

AdolfOliverPanties		2013-02-01 12:23:29 PM

Why not have someone smuggle in some ribbed condoms instead? If it is pain you want to inflict on someone's anus, grow your nails out and have a rough poke around. No need to mangle your jimmy.

Honest Bender		2013-02-01 12:26:44 PM

The only thing that's going in my penis is... wait! Nothing better be going in my penis!

ArkAngel		2013-02-01 02:19:58 PM

Just the headline made me wince

I_Am_Weasel		2013-02-01 02:42:17 PM

ArkAngel: Just the headline made me wince

You know, there was a time when it was completely acceptable to insert things into your Wang.

1.bp.blogspot.com

blatz514		2013-02-01 02:44:16 PM

Once we looked at the data we thought it might be incorrect, so we went back again and verified everything, but it was all correct," Lorraine Yap,

cdn2.hark.com

I wish you could just shut your big YAPPER!

Pud		2013-02-01 02:51:07 PM

So is this supposed to be a pic. of what a penis implant might look like?

cdn.theatlantic.com

*shudder*

The Stealth Hippopotamus		2013-02-01 03:07:34 PM

Oh lord oh lord why?!? Why would you even tell us about that?!

oh lord....

advres		2013-02-01 03:18:59 PM

Couldn't even click the link.

kaseyfarksdaladies		2013-02-01 03:20:14 PM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: AtticusFinchEsq: "The"? As in there's only one?

Came to say the same thing

/I can think of several right off the ~~top~~ tip

FTFY

hutchkc		2013-02-01 03:20:19 PM

So is this going to be the new baggy pants thing???

cgraves67		2013-02-01 03:22:10 PM

I propose we strike this headline from Fark and never discuss this topic again!

Coronal mass ejection		2013-02-01 03:22:42 PM

Pud: So is this supposed to be a pic. of what a penis implant might look like?

[cdn.theatlantic.com image 615x330]

*shudder*

Am I the only one here who counted the pips on the dice?

The Angry Hand of God		2013-02-01 03:22:50 PM

Take out the hyphen for maximum giggles.
www.thecollegetownlife.com

Cheron		2013-02-01 03:22:57 PM

Pud: So is this supposed to be a pic. of what a penis implant might look like?

[cdn.theatlantic.com image 615x330]

*shudder*

Make a saving throw

95629		2013-02-01 03:24:05 PM

I gave subby's mom a penis implant

Carn		2013-02-01 03:24:29 PM

Before clicking the link I said to myself "dont' click on the link, don't click on the link". I wish I had listened.

Endive Wombat		2013-02-01 03:24:30 PM

LeroyBourne		2013-02-01 03:24:41 PM

I'm sure prison can get pretty boring, and I know they have activities to do, but gotdamn.

lostcat		2013-02-01 03:24:42 PM

Nope. Nope. Nope.

Not going to click.

Not going to read.

Maud Dib		2013-02-01 03:24:47 PM

Pud: So is this supposed to be a pic. of what a penis implant might look like?

cdn.theatlantic.com

*shudder*

Brings the whole idea of throwing craps to a new level.

\rimshot.

FarkinHostile		2013-02-01 03:25:19 PM

Ha ha ha! I know this topic somewhat intimately. Copy and paste from a thread from years ago that I have linked in my profile:

"True confession time:

So about 10 years ago, I was reading a book called Modern Primitives. In this book was an illustration of a custom Japanese prisoners used to do; for ever year they were in jail, they would take a sharpened piece of bamboo and make an incision in the shaft of their penis and insert a pearl. After a few years, they would have a "studded" cock. Well, I thought this was the cat's meow, so I went and ordered surgical steel ball bearings, got a scalpel, sutures, and planned my alteration. One night, after a few beers, I figured the time had come. I prepped the area, assembled my tools, and made the first incision.

You would not believe how much the penis bleeds when cut.

I had a pool of blood in my lap in seconds. I tried to push the ball in, but it was too slippery, I couldn't get a grip, nor could I see through all the blood. Minutes of trying got me nowhere, so I finally gave up, bandaged my dong and mopped up the blood. I did learn the rule the headline stated that day, as well as alcohol thins out your blood."

littlett's		2013-02-01 03:25:30 PM

Nothing about that sounds remotely like a good idea.

Exactly how small and broke do you have to be to even consider trying to give yourself a penis implant?

The Angry Hand of God		2013-02-01 03:25:34 PM

I strongly recommend everyone search for the video "Kids in the Sandbox." (This is totally NSFW, you were warned)

TheAlmightyOS		2013-02-01 03:27:21 PM

ArkAngel: Just the headline made me wince

Came to say this

DROxINxTHExWIND		2013-02-01 03:27:45 PM

FTFA: Yap's study concluded that the prevalence of penile implants in prison was a cause for concern. "

Ya think? Especially if you're in prison and you're not well respected.

Inmate 1: "So, cellmate I hear you just got a penile implant from Debo. What did it cost you?

Inmate 2: "Meh, A couple cartons of smokes and some Little Debbie snack cakes."

Inmate 1: "Cool. But, errrr, you're serving life with no parole. What are you planning to do with that thing anyway?

Inmate 2: "You'll find out soon enough"

Inmate 1: :-I

cgraves67		2013-02-01 03:27:46 PM

Do not DIY. If you must have an implant, go to a professional doctor. Or for gods' sakes, just buy a sports car like the rest of us.

cleveoh		2013-02-01 03:30:14 PM

One of the men, a 25-year-old from a Texan prison, placed a heart carved out of a domino through an incision into his mid-dorsal foreskin that he made with the tip of a ballpoint pen

Oh...Oh dear. I'll be curled up in ball over in the corner, thank you.

I_Can't_Believe_it's_not_Boutros		2013-02-01 03:31:19 PM

There's a Peter Gabriel joke in this somewhere, but my penis hurts too much for me to think of it.

Stimpy's new tooth		2013-02-01 03:31:46 PM

FarkinHostile: Ha ha ha! I know this topic somewhat intimately. Copy and paste from a thread from years ago that I have linked in my profile:

"True confession time:

So about 10 years ago, I was reading a book called Modern Primitives. In this book was an illustration of a custom Japanese prisoners used to do; for ever year they were in jail, they would take a sharpened piece of bamboo and make an incision in the shaft of their penis and insert a pearl. After a few years, they would have a "studded" cock. Well, I thought this was the cat's meow, so I went and ordered surgical steel ball bearings, got a scalpel, sutures, and planned my alteration. One night, after a few beers, I figured the time had come. I prepped the area, assembled my tools, and made the first incision.

You would not believe how much the penis bleeds when cut.

I had a pool of blood in my lap in seconds. I tried to push the ball in, but it was too slippery, I couldn't get a grip, nor could I see through all the blood. Minutes of trying got me nowhere, so I finally gave up, bandaged my dong and mopped up the blood. I did learn the rule the headline stated that day, as well as alcohol thins out your blood."

So that's what a picture of a guy who would stick foreign objects in his thing looks like. Huh. Nice hat.

rickycal78		2013-02-01 03:33:12 PM

This says it all.
mlpchan.net

Jument		2013-02-01 03:33:48 PM

Jesus farking Christ on a cracker! DO NOT WANT!

brap		2013-02-01 03:34:45 PM

I'd heard of pearling as a Yakuza thing. Why anyone would want to make their dingdong look like it has smallpox I'll never know.

Odd Bird		2013-02-01 03:36:15 PM

FarkinHostile: Ha ha ha! I know this topic somewhat intimately. Copy and paste from a thread from years ago that I have linked in my profile:

"True confession time:

So about 10 years ago, I was reading a book called Modern Primitives. In this book was an illustration of a custom Japanese prisoners used to do; for ever year they were in jail, they would take a sharpened piece of bamboo and make an incision in the shaft of their penis and insert a pearl. After a few years, they would have a "studded" cock. Well, I thought this was the cat's meow, so I went and ordered surgical steel ball bearings, got a scalpel, sutures, and planned my alteration. One night, after a few beers, I figured the time had come. I prepped the area, assembled my tools, and made the first incision.

You would not believe how much the penis bleeds when cut.

I had a pool of blood in my lap in seconds. I tried to push the ball in, but it was too slippery, I couldn't get a grip, nor could I see through all the blood. Minutes of trying got me nowhere, so I finally gave up, bandaged my dong and mopped up the blood. I did learn the rule the headline stated that day, as well as alcohol thins out your blood."

I would've carried that secret to my grave if I were you, now you will be added to my favorites list with an appropriate reminder as to why.

miss diminutive		2013-02-01 03:36:25 PM

I cannot, for the life of me, figure out why a man would do this to themselves.

Teiritzamna		2013-02-01 03:36:33 PM

Pud: So is this supposed to be a pic. of what a penis implant might look like?

[cdn.theatlantic.com image 615x330]

*shudder*

SWEET! Looks like my dick rolled a 40!

/what? your dick doesn't do 12d6 damage?

Random Anonymous Blackmail		2013-02-01 03:37:47 PM

Make her think she is chewing on a Pay Day?

theorellior		2013-02-01 03:38:03 PM

brap: Why anyone would want to make their dingdong look like it has smallpox I'll never know.

For her pleasure, of course!

reillan		2013-02-01 03:38:17 PM

Am I the only one who saw that image and thought "oh yes, I get to reroll the two 6s"

/SR34VR

cyberspacedout		2013-02-01 03:39:38 PM

Cheron: Pud: So is this supposed to be a pic. of what a penis implant might look like?

[cdn.theatlantic.com image 615x330]

*shudder*

Make a saving throw

Roll the boners.

HailRobonia		2013-02-01 03:40:04 PM

Ah, good old 入珠

Maud Dib		2013-02-01 03:41:17 PM

FarkinHostile:

You would not believe how much the penis bleeds when cut.

Mayan Kings would participate in ritual bloodletting by running a stingray barb through the foreskin, they would let the blood drip on paper, and then burn the paper, so yeah, I believe.

www.sreoriginals.com

Allen. The end.		2013-02-01 03:42:25 PM

FarkinHostile: Ha ha ha! I know this topic somewhat intimately. Copy and paste from a thread from years ago that I have linked in my profile:

"True confession time:

So about 10 years ago, I was reading a book called Modern Primitives. In this book was an illustration of a custom Japanese prisoners used to do; for ever year they were in jail, they would take a sharpened piece of bamboo and make an incision in the shaft of their penis and insert a pearl. After a few years, they would have a "studded" cock. Well, I thought this was the cat's meow, so I went and ordered surgical steel ball bearings, got a scalpel, sutures, and planned my alteration. One night, after a few beers, I figured the time had come. I prepped the area, assembled my tools, and made the first incision.

You would not believe how much the penis bleeds when cut.

I had a pool of blood in my lap in seconds. I tried to push the ball in, but it was too slippery, I couldn't get a grip, nor could I see through all the blood. Minutes of trying got me nowhere, so I finally gave up, bandaged my dong and mopped up the blood. I did learn the rule the headline stated that day, as well as alcohol thins out your blood."

Sadly, I remember the 90s too. Why did I think a 10ga P.A. was a good idea? And don't get me started on branding - yeesh! Also, ow.

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom		2013-02-01 03:43:54 PM

Are penis implants ever going to become a reality? We figured out boobs, why not cock?

xaratherus		2013-02-01 03:44:01 PM

Teiritzamna: Pud: So is this supposed to be a pic. of what a penis implant might look like?

[cdn.theatlantic.com image 615x330]

*shudder*

SWEET! Looks like my dick rolled a 40!

/what? your dick doesn't do 12d6 damage?

Thread = won

LeroyBourne		2013-02-01 03:44:05 PM

FarkinHostile: Ha ha ha! I know this topic somewhat intimately. Copy and paste from a thread from years ago that I have linked in my profile:

"True confession time:

So about 10 years ago, I was reading a book called Modern Primitives. In this book was an illustration of a custom Japanese prisoners used to do; for ever year they were in jail, they would take a sharpened piece of bamboo and make an incision in the shaft of their penis and insert a pearl. After a few years, they would have a "studded" cock. Well, I thought this was the cat's meow, so I went and ordered surgical steel ball bearings, got a scalpel, sutures, and planned my alteration. One night, after a few beers, I figured the time had come. I prepped the area, assembled my tools, and made the first incision.

You would not believe how much the penis bleeds when cut.

I had a pool of blood in my lap in seconds. I tried to push the ball in, but it was too slippery, I couldn't get a grip, nor could I see through all the blood. Minutes of trying got me nowhere, so I finally gave up, bandaged my dong and mopped up the blood. I did learn the rule the headline stated that day, as well as alcohol thins out your blood."

Don't you think it would be incredibly uncomfortable when having a raging boner? I think it would hurt.