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(Daily Mail)   "A sexual 29-year-old is looking for a man." "Asexual 29-year-old is looking for a man." The difference a space can make   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 77
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21935 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Feb 2013 at 11:59 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-02-01 12:06:23 PM
15 votes:
upload.wikimedia.org
2013-02-01 11:07:23 AM
13 votes:
My aunt worked for AVEN, and rose to the top quickly, as she was incredibly successful at not selling cosmetics.  She was so frigid we used to set our beers on her to keep them chilled.
2013-02-01 12:55:21 PM
10 votes:
img2.owned.com
2013-02-01 12:11:19 PM
10 votes:
akroot313.andrewkeir313.netdna-cdn.com

Space, the final frontier...
2013-02-01 12:46:00 PM
6 votes:
www.greenmeadowscarecenter.com

I think we may have found her guy.
2013-02-01 12:13:51 PM
6 votes:
Asexual relationship? It's called marriage.
2013-02-01 11:12:31 AM
6 votes:
At least she's telling the guy the truth before marriage, instead of letting him find out afterward.

/still bitter
2013-02-01 01:22:20 PM
5 votes:

brap: My aunt worked for AVEN, and rose to the top quickly, as she was incredibly successful at not selling cosmetics.  She was so frigid we used to set our beers on her to keep them chilled.


I mistakenly went to the AVEN Awards one year, and was sorely disappointed...
2013-02-01 11:24:39 AM
5 votes:
Q: Is she willing to support me while I sit around the house all day typing on fark?
2013-02-01 12:40:35 PM
4 votes:
Does anyone else see a TV show in the works?

Asexual vegan woman hooks up with oversexed carnivore man. Oh, think of the wacky hi-jinks!
2013-02-01 12:15:01 PM
4 votes:
simpsonswiki.net
Sympathises. Looking for Amanda Hugginkiss.
2013-02-01 12:07:33 PM
4 votes:
i.dailymail.co.uk


upload.wikimedia.org

Possible partner?

/the teethy guy, not the dog.
2013-02-01 12:04:14 PM
4 votes:
Wonder if she has tried anal?
2013-02-01 03:20:51 PM
3 votes:

ram.1500: farm machine: Speaking of punctuation, ask Dan Marino the difference a period can make.

Let's not forget about punctuation!

"We're going out to eat Grandma!"
"We're going out to eat, Grandma!"


Or...

"We're going to eat out Grandma!"
"We're going to eat out, Grandma!"
2013-02-01 01:41:45 PM
3 votes:
Jebus woman! I'm already not having sex with you and now you're looking for someone else to not have sex with. Some women want the world.
2013-02-01 12:51:32 PM
3 votes:

WhippingBoy: Why is it that women have a compelling need to make other people as miserable as they are?


They base their lives on one core principle:

"We're not happy until you're not happy."
2013-02-01 12:27:32 PM
3 votes:
She just hasn't had the right man to give her the Big O yet, you know leave her there shaking like a bowl of jello, curled up in a fetal position and whimpering like a puppy in a huge wet spot.
/ don't look at me, I'm not the guy for the job
2013-02-01 12:18:45 PM
3 votes:

Zarquon's Flat Tire: Asexual vegan.

Yeah lady, that's a tall order. Someone could enjoy that relationship, I'm sure. Just not me nor anyone I know.


t2.gstatic.com
2013-02-01 10:59:16 AM
3 votes:
I could be asexual with her.
2013-02-01 07:23:20 PM
2 votes:

Fallout Boy: This thread is farking stupid.


Actually, it's farking nothing.  Hence the discussion.
2013-02-01 03:29:01 PM
2 votes:

show me: Okay, this is directed at no particular person, but look at a relationship like this: You are a hetero guy, and you have a guy buddy who is really cool. Likes the same sports as you, likes to drink the same kind of beer, likes the same kind of movies, etc. You hang out with this guy all the time and it's a blast. Thing is, after a while, you find out he's not hetero. Not by a long shot. He wants to put it in your butt. Badly. I know you wouldn't really like doing that, but you would, every once in a while, because it makes your bestest friend ecstatically happy, right? Once a week? Once a month?


If you went camping with a bunch of guys and one night they all held you down and had sex with you, would you tell anyone about it or take the secret with you to your grave?


wanna go camping?
2013-02-01 01:59:09 PM
2 votes:
Maybe she just wants a man who can kill spiders and open pickle jars.
2013-02-01 01:32:06 PM
2 votes:
I am looking for a financially-stable woman who will accept my desire to lay around the house and live off her paycheck , but do I get any sympathy?
2013-02-01 01:16:53 PM
2 votes:
She looks about 10 years older than she actually is.

Probably pleasant enough for coffee and maybe dinner, but I already sense she has more issues than Allied Moving Company can provide trucks to relocate.

Pass.
2013-02-01 01:06:17 PM
2 votes:

ChipNASA: jonjr215: [i.dailymail.co.uk image 634x354]
Why the long face?

DEFINATELY a 4 1/2 head.

[i.dailymail.co.uk image 634x354]


Not to mention the...

straightfromthea.com
2013-02-01 12:28:56 PM
2 votes:
Asexual vegan? This lady needs to get laid.
2013-02-01 12:23:11 PM
2 votes:

FishyFred: [i.dailymail.co.uk image 634x354]

Doesn't seem like such a tall order to me.

/TEETH


farm1.static.flickr.com
2013-02-01 12:12:43 PM
2 votes:
She would make a decent beard for some closeted conservative politician
2013-02-01 12:12:43 PM
2 votes:
i.dailymail.co.uk
Why the long face?
2013-02-01 12:08:51 PM
2 votes:
Sorry, seeing 'vegan' strapped on the end there is a deal killer.
2013-02-01 12:00:28 PM
2 votes:
i.dailymail.co.uk

Doesn't seem like such a tall order to me.

/TEETH
2013-02-01 05:41:28 PM
1 votes:
Just want to point out the the 1976 Webster's Unabridged defines "asexual" as "a: having no sex or functional sex organs b: produced without sexual action or differentiation c: not relating to sex". And yet, when you look it up in Wikipedia you're taken to a long page which can only be the result of people not understanding that the word "sex" in the original definition is a noun. Anyone who identifies themselves as asexual and was born with or currently has sex organs is a fool, though it seems that it's only been happening without any hint of irony for the last ten or fifteen years or so. "Emotionally troubled" was a good enough description until recently; it's a shame that useful words keep getting misused until they lose their useful meaning.

Or, the joke response:
i.imgur.com
2013-02-01 05:16:40 PM
1 votes:
PrivateCaboose:
Wait you have to fantasize about something when you masturbate?  Cuz I don't.

So the whole the time you're just sitting there thinking, "yanking on my penis, yanking on my penis, yanking on my penis..."? I guess that's one way to do it.
2013-02-01 04:40:45 PM
1 votes:
This is probably what her crotchital area is like. (marginally NSFW. Not taking any chances)
2013-02-01 04:27:12 PM
1 votes:
CheekyMonkey:

I mistakenly went to the AVEN Awards one year, and was sorely disappointed...

Enjoy your free month!
2013-02-01 04:06:50 PM
1 votes:

Carn: show me: Okay, this is directed at no particular person, but look at a relationship like this: You are a hetero guy, and you have a guy buddy who is really cool. Likes the same sports as you, likes to drink the same kind of beer, likes the same kind of movies, etc. You hang out with this guy all the time and it's a blast. Thing is, after a while, you find out he's not hetero. Not by a long shot. He wants to put it in your butt. Badly. I know you wouldn't really like doing that, but you would, every once in a while, because it makes your bestest friend ecstatically happy, right? Once a week? Once a month?

If you went camping with a bunch of guys and one night they all held you down and had sex with you, would you tell anyone about it or take the secret with you to your grave?


wanna go camping?


encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com
2013-02-01 04:03:48 PM
1 votes:
i228.photobucket.com
2013-02-01 02:51:47 PM
1 votes:
Asexuality is a Learned Behaviour.
2013-02-01 02:37:58 PM
1 votes:

edgesrealm: I'm sorry, when did Legolas from Lord of The Rings start dating men?


The Race of Men is weak and unreliable. Legolas prefers hobbits.
2013-02-01 02:36:41 PM
1 votes:
userserve-ak.last.fm
So what's goin' on with the blow jobs again?

Yeah, cause I vote we keep them blow jobs, Jack!
2013-02-01 02:34:32 PM
1 votes:

Gone In 26 Minutes: It's not the same thing at ALL. Being gay does not farking remove the natural-born urge to fark that's in every animal, whether they have two legs or four. Being 'asexual' suggests that there IS no sexual wiring at all and I firmly believe that to be completely impossible in all, but the most damaged of minds.


Also, as a side note: pandas.
2013-02-01 02:33:35 PM
1 votes:

Gone In 26 Minutes: CheekyMonkey: Gone In 26 Minutes: God. All of these 'alternate' sexualities sound like people are trying too hard to make themselves seem unique and do so by damaging themselves and the people who have the misfortune of meeting. I fully believe that there is no such thing as asexual people (that aren't brain damaged in some way.) Sexuality is a core part of what makes us human and it's really a very simple thing. Everything else is just there to complicate it because people need to increasingly complicate EVERYTHING.

Women who call themselves asexual are either emotional stunted, repressing themselves in some way or just lying to try to get attention from people they think won't look at them as a hole to fark in an attempt to meet what they think is a 'nice guy.'

You're either heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual. Those are the only things I will ever accept as naturally occurring in humanity. Everything else is just bullshiat in a vain attempt at making themselves look like a special snowflake.

What you've written above is just as stupid as saying, "there's no such thing as being gay, it's a lifestyle choice".  It's the same goddamn thing - some people's brains are wired differently from the majority.  If you can fathom the existence of a subset of humans who are attracted to the same sex, why can you not accept a different subset whose sexual attraction "wiring" is different?

It's not the same thing at ALL. Being gay does not farking remove the natural-born urge to fark that's in every animal, whether they have two legs or four. Being 'asexual' suggests that there IS no sexual wiring at all and I firmly believe that to be completely impossible in all, but the most damaged of minds.

There are people who don't like sex because sex has always been unpleasant for them. They still have the urge, but they don't act on it because of the negative connotation. They are not asexual. Not by the true definition of it.
There are people who don't like sex because they were ...


Just because you believe it, doesn't make it true.
2013-02-01 02:32:12 PM
1 votes:
Mediocre looking woman has sex with students - Fark: Omg, I would so hit that, I wish she was my teacher.

Mediocre looking woman doesn't have sex - Fark: Omg, look at those sharp knees and that forehead, do not want!
2013-02-01 02:18:52 PM
1 votes:

dj_spanmaster: MrBallou: JesusJuice: I'd be okay with that as long as she didn't nag me or care if I farked other women.

Dreamer

You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not


You may say that I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.

/I hope someday you'll join us.
2013-02-01 01:59:06 PM
1 votes:

Erix: aerojockey: Erix: No one said it wasn't allowed, settle down. I just want to understand what a gender preference is based on if she's truly asexual.

You're taking a label too seriously.  "Asexual" is just a word.  People are what they are, and there are not enough words to describe every combination.

Your question is as bigoted as asking a gay person a question like this: "If you're truly a homosexual, why do you choose men who dress like women? If you like how women look, why aren't you just straight?"

Gotcha.  Any attempt at understanding through discourse is a display of bigoted thinking.  Thanks for your assistance.


aerojockey's just pissed because no one wants to have sex with him, so he's forced into asexuality.

Seriously, though, you might not get an answer to your question unless you ask the lass in the article.  She says she likes kissing and cuddling, just not the sex act itself.  Thus, she's got some sort of affinity for the opposite sex.  It can be based on whatever "normal" attraction is based on, and that part of her brain that links attraction to sexual desire is just wired differently.
2013-02-01 01:58:07 PM
1 votes:

walkerhound: FishyFred: [i.dailymail.co.uk image 634x354]

Doesn't seem like such a tall order to me.

/TEETH


1.bp.blogspot.com
/Teeth
2013-02-01 01:50:37 PM
1 votes:

hbk72777: bhcompy: FishyFred: [i.dailymail.co.uk image 634x354]

Doesn't seem like such a tall order to me.

/TEETH

/FOREHEAD

/

BRITISH

FTFY. Remember, English if it's good, British if it's bad.
2013-02-01 01:46:11 PM
1 votes:

The Angry Hand of God: Zarquon's Flat Tire: Asexual vegan.

Yeah lady, that's a tall order. Someone could enjoy that relationship, I'm sure. Just not me nor anyone I know.

[t2.gstatic.com image 225x225]

t2.gstatic.com

I'm pretty sure Morrissey would want some penis eventually, and as such would find the woman, asexual vegan or otherwise, to be unsatisfactory.
2013-02-01 01:45:50 PM
1 votes:

aerojockey: Erix: No one said it wasn't allowed, settle down. I just want to understand what a gender preference is based on if she's truly asexual.

You're taking a label too seriously.  "Asexual" is just a word.  People are what they are, and there are not enough words to describe every combination.

Your question is as bigoted as asking a gay person a question like this: "If you're truly a homosexual, why do you choose men who dress like women? If you like how women look, why aren't you just straight?"


Gotcha.  Any attempt at understanding through discourse is a display of bigoted thinking.  Thanks for your assistance.
2013-02-01 01:41:15 PM
1 votes:
[bigbookofbritishsmiles.jpg]
2013-02-01 01:38:33 PM
1 votes:

MrBallou: At least she's telling the guy the truth before marriage, instead of letting him find out afterward.

/still bitter


Oh, if me and her got married, she'd be phuqin, I tell ya. That would be one wore out asexual snatch.

/back to my mom's basement.
2013-02-01 01:36:21 PM
1 votes:

aerojockey: If that's her preference, is that not allowed?


This is no longer about her preference, its about her honesty.  She wants a standard relationship with a well off handsome man who will treat her well and never ever ask for sex.

And I want a threesome with two emma watson clones.  Its good to want things.
2013-02-01 01:14:19 PM
1 votes:
so, is this like veganism?

since everyone knows the only reason someone says they're vegan is to mask their anorexia.
2013-02-01 01:13:15 PM
1 votes:
24.media.tumblr.com
2013-02-01 01:08:32 PM
1 votes:

blatz514: Not sure what that story was about but something caught my eye...[i.dailymail.co.uk image 634x699]


Nope. I'm not asexual.
2013-02-01 01:03:07 PM
1 votes:
Aw crap. I think I'm asexual.

/my lawn
//off
//hahaha...lawn. It can mean two things.
2013-02-01 01:00:44 PM
1 votes:

Cyno01: [img2.owned.com image 516x575]


Image cracks me up every time.  This chick is damaged goods, stay away, attempt no landing there.  Somebody hook her up with sheldon cooper.
2013-02-01 12:59:51 PM
1 votes:
Good solution: find another asexual to marry.

Usual solution: find someone and force them to join you in asexuality.
2013-02-01 12:59:35 PM
1 votes:
th00.deviantart.net

ROWR... Daddy Likey...
2013-02-01 12:52:00 PM
1 votes:

Rapmaster2000: How does your skin get wrecked in England when there isn't any sun?


Ultra-violet light pierces clouds and fog, so you risk a sun burn, even on overcast days, if you spend too much time outdoors. Also, wind, stress, and smoking can get you even in the dark of night. If you work outdoors you should wear skin protection even if the weather is hazy or overcast.

The British are also known for their delicate, thin, pale skin so it doesn't take a Hell of an exposure to damage their skin over time. While some age gracefuly, turning as aristocratic and pale as Dracula, others turn into gruesome mummies by the age of thirty or forty. England, a land of many contrasts.
2013-02-01 12:51:20 PM
1 votes:

HenryFnord: Sorry, seeing 'vegan' strapped on the end there is a deal killer.


It was pretty obvious though wasn't it?  Crazy, Vegan.... they are pretty interchangeable.

/  Braces for the Vegans going all crazy on me.
2013-02-01 12:46:00 PM
1 votes:
Why is it that women have a compelling need to make other people as miserable as they are?
2013-02-01 12:39:57 PM
1 votes:

JesusJuice: I'd be okay with that as long as she didn't nag me or care if I farked other women.


Dreamer
2013-02-01 12:38:40 PM
1 votes:

farm machine: Speaking of punctuation, ask Dan Marino the difference a period can make.


Let's not forget about punctuation!

"We're going out to eat Grandma!"
"We're going out to eat, Grandma!"
2013-02-01 12:38:04 PM
1 votes:

StaleCoffee: <i>Asexual vegan</i>

Does the woman not own a cucumber?

At least she's up front about not farking. Saved a lot of guys a lot of confusion and frustration. Except for the eternally optimistic but if you're going to aim for the unattainable, try shooting your load a bit higher.


Well, get me a tissue, made a mess of myself there trying to do it manually.
2013-02-01 12:31:44 PM
1 votes:
I guess if you're going to live as an asexual vegan female, it helps to look like a least-effort M-to-F trans.  Also, notice that her neck is about 4 inches longer than the woman next to her? Reminds me of CGI Smegol.

I suppose it's pithy to poke fun at her looks and choices, lots of people go through life without knowing what they really want.  She looks really happy too.
2013-02-01 12:26:15 PM
1 votes:
Just start buying cats lady.
2013-02-01 12:24:10 PM
1 votes:

socoloco: You can't eat meat, you can't fark. fark that. I gotta have some kind of flesh.


She might as well chop my balls off and dress me like one of her favorite dolls at that point.

Actually, who am I kidding, I let most girls do that to me anyway.

/pathetic
2013-02-01 12:18:53 PM
1 votes:
Speaking of punctuation, ask Dan Marino the difference a period can make.
2013-02-01 12:17:25 PM
1 votes:
Not sure what that story was about but something caught my eye...i.dailymail.co.uk
2013-02-01 12:17:25 PM
1 votes:

jonjr215: [i.dailymail.co.uk image 634x354]
Why the long face?


DEFINATELY a 4 1/2 head.

i.dailymail.co.uk
2013-02-01 12:13:21 PM
1 votes:
I willing to not have sex with her.
2013-02-01 12:11:39 PM
1 votes:

cgraves67: I have to wonder why a penis is required when she has no intention of putting it to good use.


Good point, wouldn't she get along better with another woman, after all women would share the same interest better then with a man.
2013-02-01 12:09:44 PM
1 votes:
Asexual vegan.

Yeah lady, that's a tall order. Someone could enjoy that relationship, I'm sure. Just not me nor anyone I know.
2013-02-01 12:07:44 PM
1 votes:

bhcompy: FishyFred: [i.dailymail.co.uk image 634x354]

Doesn't seem like such a tall order to me.

/TEETH

/FOREHEAD


FIVEHEAD
2013-02-01 12:07:34 PM
1 votes:
That's a hard 29 right there.

Lumpmoose: Many asexuals still want a companion or life partner.  As for how someone would pick a man vs. a woman for that role if they're truly asexual, I have no idea.


That is what has always confused me.  So you get a heterosexual partner and live out some kind weird domestic lifestyle without sex or kids (unless you adopt) and all that.  Why not just settle into a college esque roommate style thing?  It seems much more efficient and less problematic if you decide you want to jack it to some lesbian poor or go pick someone at the bar because the urge has struck.
2013-02-01 12:03:23 PM
1 votes:
Not gonna be a problem
 
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