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(Daily Mail)   "A sexual 29-year-old is looking for a man." "Asexual 29-year-old is looking for a man." The difference a space can make   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 364
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21937 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Feb 2013 at 11:59 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-02 02:42:28 AM

Fano: Nope, not a troll. Your current spelling pattern indicates you are drunk and upset. It's ok, you're just white knighting, which is another way of trolling.


LoL : ) And that's another way of concern trolling. So you lost out to Khiezar in the boy scout thread was it and now you've come back to play with me how cute and pathetic. go to bed.
 
2013-02-02 02:45:02 AM

tinfoil-hat maggie: Fano: Nope, not a troll. Your current spelling pattern indicates you are drunk and upset. It's ok, you're just white knighting, which is another way of trolling.

LoL : ) And that's another way of concern trolling. So you lost out to Khiezar in the boy scout thread was it and now you've come back to play with me how cute and pathetic. go to bed.


I fulfilled your request.
 
2013-02-02 02:49:41 AM

tinfoil-hat maggie: Fano: Nope, not a troll. Your current spelling pattern indicates you are drunk and upset. It's ok, you're just white knighting, which is another way of trolling.

LoL : ) And that's another way of concern trolling. So you lost out to Khiezar in the boy scout thread was it and now you've come back to play with me how cute and pathetic. go to bed.


Lost out in the boy scout thread? Because I didn't post pictures of swimmers for you? That's pretty dumb.
 
2013-02-02 02:59:58 AM

Fano: tinfoil-hat maggie: Fano: Nope, not a troll. Your current spelling pattern indicates you are drunk and upset. It's ok, you're just white knighting, which is another way of trolling.

LoL : ) And that's another way of concern trolling. So you lost out to Khiezar in the boy scout thread was it and now you've come back to play with me how cute and pathetic. go to bed.

I fulfilled your request.


No you didn't I don't see a pic in you're profile.
 
2013-02-02 03:02:38 AM

Fano: tinfoil-hat maggie: Fano: Nope, not a troll. Your current spelling pattern indicates you are drunk and upset. It's ok, you're just white knighting, which is another way of trolling.

LoL : ) And that's another way of concern trolling. So you lost out to Khiezar in the boy scout thread was it and now you've come back to play with me how cute and pathetic. go to bed.

Lost out in the boy scout thread? Because I didn't post pictures of swimmers for you? That's pretty dumb.


No you are, I know blargh, blargh ,blargh really I'm done with you. Don't send another post to me again, troll all ya want sure but I'm done with you.
 
2013-02-02 06:32:26 AM

aerojockey: Erix: Gotcha. Any attempt at understanding through discourse is a display of bigoted thinking. Thanks for your assistance.

No, but questioning someone's sexuality because you don't think it belongs to a small set of categories that are acceptable and make sense to you, which is what you were doing, is.

I'll answer your question.  She is not what you mistakenly believe to be an asexual is.  "Asexual" means not interested in having sex.  That's it.  Is doens't refer, at all, to things like physical attraction, relationships, etc.  You are, incorrectly, taking it to mean a lot more than it means.


No, usually it does mean not being physically attracted to people.
 
2013-02-02 07:17:54 AM
From my own personal experience the people I have known who expressed the same disgust about sex that the woman in the article claims have all had severe psychological/emotional problems, and this has been only one facet of that fact. Two of them were men that I was involved with, and one was a woman who was my best friend for a long time. The woman was somewhat less neurotic about the whole thing, though.

She also was the first person who I heard express the view that human beings in general were in fact rather ugly animals, which after some serious thought I felt I could agree with. She pointed out things like the absence of fur. She was basically also describing how she rarely felt attracted to another human being. I came to the conclusion that I could relate to that, and that for years I had been secretly uncomfortable with the pressure I felt to hook up with people and "fancy" them, whereas the reality was that I had rarely if ever felt actively sexually attracted to anyone.

There's a woman in this thread who is identifying as asexual who seems to be describing the same thing - I put it to you that this is actually normal and much more common than people are led to believe, in particular probably for females who are often said to be less visual than males when it comes to sexual stimulation.

What I found was that much later on in my sexual career I discovered the whole "fancying" people thing, and it seemed to be something which grew over time and depended on things like first of all deciding that person X was a potential future partner. It also grew, as noted by another commenter, as things progressed - and the whole issue of not being certain if things were going to continue seemed to very much intensify feelings. Basically unavailability or uncertainty, plus occasional positive reinforcement, really gets things going. I was deliberately exploring the whole idea of the traditional way of hooking up with people that you genuinely like and find attractive (in some general sense) and seeing what happened, whereas earlier in my life I'd been happy to experiment and sleep with just about anybody. Basically, being picky and then going for someone in particular seems to be the key.

But I'm betting that anyone who expresses some deep revulsion at the idea of sex has major psychological problems of one kind or another, in general. That's what the woman in the article seems to be describing. More than a question of just not "doing it for her". Maybe I misunderstood, but that was the impression I got. All three of the people I mentioned had issues like that, but all for different reasons, and as I said it was only PART of what was wrong with them generally.
 
2013-02-02 08:54:03 AM
tinfoil-hat maggie:
So you really are saying you weren't born gay but had sex men anyway

Again, yes. Why are you so hung up on this? You sound like a broken record. I wouldn't be the only straight person in the world to try a gay experience or two.

"Relax, people will be who they are."

Most sexual men who try the asexual thing will quickly snap out of it, yes I agree. Women? Their drives can lay dormant for a very long time. I can easily see an otherwise very sexual woman getting caught up in this, and that is sad. Not because *I* won't get to fark them (I'm in a committed, monogamous relationship, what do I care?) but because I mourn for all the squandered ecstasy on HER behalf.

You might want to lend me your tinfoil-hat there because I can see this movement, along with the growing awareness of the harmful effects of rampant sex imagery in the media/society, as well as the "special snowflake" need to prove how evolved and superior and different people are... I can see this all killing off sex completely in some sad, lonely dystopian future. All this denial in the name of "progress", it's just not right dammit.
 
2013-02-02 10:31:03 AM
what this woman needs is METHAMPHETAMINE
 
2013-02-02 10:41:08 AM

lockers: I am not drawing anything. You're loading it, I am genuinely curious where that comes from. I don't doubt some people are not into to the whole sex thing, but I don't understand why it matters if someone is a women or a man if you don't care about sex.  Attraction is a function of sexual desire and emotional desire.  Sexual doesn't have to be binary but it usually is.  Emotional desire is very much not binary.


You aren't taking a neutral stance and asking "Why is X true?"  You're taking a belligerent stance and demanding "I refuse to believe that X is true until you prove it to my satisfaction."

Which is a fine attitude to take, by the way, when someone is trying to sell you something.  It is not, however, a fine attitude to take when someone is talking about a deeply personal experience that you do not understand because it's one you have never yourself had.

I don't know if you're denying this because (A) your communication skills suck and so how you are coming off in this thread is vastly different from what you INTEND to communicate, (B) you are in denial of your own feelings, or (C) you're simply lying to us about your motives.  My money's on (B), personally, but it doesn't really matter.
 
2013-02-02 10:55:26 AM

Ladeeda: I didn't think anyone really cared about people being asexual.  Since it doesn't effect anyone but the person themselves really.  Kinda weird to see so many people worried about others identifying as such.  Then again I guess if I wasn't asexual myself I could see people being interested at the notion, or all "wtf mate?"  To me it doesn't matter, I'm happy living alone and just having friends is good enough.



For whatever it's worth, here's my take on it:

There are people who feel threatened by, and get defensive or even hateful about, asexuality; and I think they're largely the same people who who feel threatened by, and get defensive or even hateful about, bisexuality, homosexuality, and all the other things that fall under "lbgtq," and for the same reason.

Basically, they want to live in a world where "men are men" and "women are women," and anyone who doesn't conform to that simple worldview threatens their sense of security. A man who doesn't want to have sex with ANYONE violates that "men are men" credo just as a man who wants to have sex only with other men, or a man who wants to have sex with both men and women, do.

The human desire to live in a world that is simple, stable, and predictable is a profound one, and when you challenge a world view that promises to offer simplicity, stability, and predictability, people feel very threatened.
 
2013-02-02 11:01:38 AM

Fano: I'm still stunned from being called out by tinfoilhat-maggie.

This woman is stunningly unattractive*, a vegan, that doesn't want any physical contact, but wants... a man for what again? She could have a roommate of any sex for this purpose. Or a Dag.



See, the fundamental problem here is that you think that her wants and desires have to make sense to you, or else they're invalid and she's a foolish attention whore.

See, this goes back to my previous post.  Her wants and desires must MAKE SENSE to you, or else they're NOT OK.  You feel threatened by what you do not understand.  And feeling threatened, you lash out, verbally.

Tinfoilhat-maggie (and others) call you out on this because we disapprove of your disapproval, to put it simply.
 
2013-02-03 12:25:24 PM

ciberido: Fano: I'm still stunned from being called out by tinfoilhat-maggie.

This woman is stunningly unattractive*, a vegan, that doesn't want any physical contact, but wants... a man for what again? She could have a roommate of any sex for this purpose. Or a Dag.


See, the fundamental problem here is that you think that her wants and desires have to make sense to you, or else they're invalid and she's a foolish attention whore.

See, this goes back to my previous post.  Her wants and desires must MAKE SENSE to you, or else they're NOT OK.  You feel threatened by what you do not understand.  And feeling threatened, you lash out, verbally.

Tinfoilhat-maggie (and others) call you out on this because we disapprove of your disapproval, to put it simply.


I feel about as threatened as I did reading about the guy who farked a horse and hung himself.  I see that you guys brought this thread to a screeching halt.
 
2013-02-04 01:00:58 PM

Sairobi: lockers: Sairobi:
So go ahead and shoot with the questions! I'll try to answer as best I can.

Some up thread suggested that asexuals can have a libido, is that you?

Have you ever had an orgasm (regardless of how)?

What is the difference between romantic love and platonic love for you?  I assume you get a longing for the romantic love.  Does he make your heart flutter when you see him? Miss him intensely when he is gone?

I do have a libido! It's just not directed at any person. Like, I never see a guy and think sexy thoughts. My brain usually goes:  gosh, he has a nice nose, or dat facial structure. It's more of a detached aesthetic appreciation? Which makes sense because I'm an artist, and therefore a very visual creature.

I have had my share! Obviously of my own making, haha.

... That is a very good question. I do occasionally yearn for romantic love, but I guess I am very lucky in that I am perfectly content being by myself. But, man, that is a hard question, because you're right in that they're definitely different -- I love my mom differently than I love my friends differently than I would love a man -- but how to distinguish them? I definitely do feel all the stuff associated with romantic love, though, like all the stuff you cited. I just don't connect those feelings to any sort of sexual desire. I imagine most people experience something particularly romantic, and their brains (and bodies) say, "now kiss!" For whatever reason, mine just doesn't make that leap.

(Sorry, that probably wasn't a very helpful answer, but you've given me food for thought. Thank you.)


So you're a female version

Jon iz teh kewl: voran: Makes me wonder how much of asexuality is a result of "formerly sexually abused."  Which would make total sense.

totally true


Yeah, I hear that sort of thing can be brought about by PTSD.  Some people evern get Baker Acted for it.
 
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