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(Wisconsin Gazette)   Jesus is getting a makeover   (wisconsingazette.com) divider line 128
    More: Interesting, Crown Publishing Group, Emmylou Harris, childhood sexual abuse, social enterprise, Middle Tennessee, end times, World Vision, Tammy Faye Bakker  
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11928 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Feb 2013 at 9:14 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-01 09:47:04 AM

Tommy Moo: Why is there a skull on the table? shiat.


There's a lot farked up in that picture.

Why is there a map on the wall behind them? Is that a lampshade on the right, or is that painted onto the map? What's up with the two playing cards on the table? What kind of game do you play with just two cards? Why are there nunchucks hanging on the doorknob?  Is this guy simultaneously smoking, drinking, shooting up, and snorting lines? Holy shiatsnacks, Jebus is in for quite a ride if so! What's that handprint doing on the door? Is that supposed to imply that the guy doesn't wash his hands, in addition to his many other sins?
 
2013-02-01 09:48:09 AM
ModernLuddite:
////Don't keep re-casting your experiences and opinions based on what your parents told versus how much you like to drink and fark.

Shut up, Dad! You're  not the boss of me!
 
2013-02-01 09:51:46 AM
Here's an idea for a makeover, and one supported by Biblical texts though never directly stated, Jesus didn't grow up poor.
 
2013-02-01 09:52:08 AM
sometimes i prefer dark ages christ, in chainmail on yggdrasil.
 
2013-02-01 09:52:29 AM
We're still going to pretend he is white, right?
 
2013-02-01 09:53:38 AM

pute kisses like a man: sometimes i prefer dark ages christ, in chainmail on yggdrasil.


Jesus was Odin in the Dark Ages?
 
2013-02-01 09:54:52 AM

WhyteRaven74: Here's an idea for a makeover, and one supported by Biblical texts though never directly stated, Jesus didn't grow up poor.


That explains why he hates the poors.
 
2013-02-01 09:54:52 AM

abhorrent1: [img300.imageshack.us image 474x600]


Every time I see that picture I find myself getting side tracked by the abalone shell.  Why an abalone shell?
 
2013-02-01 09:54:52 AM

ModernLuddite: I actually knew a lot of these people - from a really super conservative evangelical background who started to be more "liberal" as soon as they moved out of their parent's house. I call them "morons".

//If something is true, it's true.
///If something is not true, it's not true.
////Don't keep re-casting your experiences and opinions based on what your parents told versus how much you like to drink and fark.


Yeah, fark people who let their parents influence the way they think and act when they're growing up, am I right? I emerged from my mother's womb as a full-fledged adult with a strong understanding of the world around me.
 
2013-02-01 09:58:33 AM

RexTalionis: kid_icarus: PonceAlyosha: Ninja Otter: PonceAlyosha: durbnpoisn: Not to mention that he is depicted as a white guy while being from an area with no white people.

Except for all of those Roman occupiers.

So you're saying his father was Naughtius Maximus?

[www.wearysloth.com image 320x240]

abfalter: It is funny. I'm white and any pictures I have of Jesus are white. My wife is black and any pictures of Jesus she has are black. Yet, we're both wrong. He's from Bethlehem, so he's Middle Eastern.

But if you go by the Bible, we only know half of his lineage, because one half of his DNA is magic. I am of the opinion that Jesus was blue, and frankly there's nothing anyone can cite in the text to prove me wrong.

Forcefields. Your argument is invalid.

[cdn1.screenrant.com image 500x435]


In all seriousness, how come in the Genesis, God punishes Angels and mortal women for fornicating and bearing partially divine offspring, but when he does/Gabriel does it in the New Testament it's all cool? Total hypocrisy.
 
2013-02-01 10:00:09 AM
You know, when I think of Jesus Christ, "fratboy douche" is not the first image that springs to mind.
 
2013-02-01 10:00:19 AM

Marine1: durbnpoisn: RexTalionis: I like how Jesus has a tattoo despite being a Jew and having Leviticus 19:28 saying:


"'Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the LORD.


Not to mention that he is depicted as a white guy while being from an area with no white people.
Oh, wait.  They've been doing that for centuries.

Define "white".

Other than that, yeah, I agree. This whole rerouting of the "character" of Jesus is getting annoying. You don't take the J-Man for what he looked like, you took Him for His teachings.


I think that "white" could be defined as all of those people that migrated into what is now Europe and northern Asia (Russia), and have pretty much not intermingled with other races ever since.  Considering that all of those people are the ones that came up with the classical depiction of Jesus, it's no wonder he looks like them.
 
2013-02-01 10:03:24 AM
Jesus died for somebody's sins but not mine.
 
2013-02-01 10:04:50 AM

PonceAlyosha: In all seriousness, how come in the Genesis, God punishes Angels and mortal women for fornicating and bearing partially divine offspring, but when he does/Gabriel does it in the New Testament it's all cool? Total hypocrisy.


Funny thing is both genealogies of Jesus in the Gospels, both the one in Matthew and the one in Luke, end with Joseph as if he was Jesus' dad. However how they get there is completely different and why they're different as well as how they were sourced is a subject of much discussion.
 
2013-02-01 10:05:23 AM

RexTalionis: pute kisses like a man: sometimes i prefer dark ages christ, in chainmail on yggdrasil.

Jesus was Odin in the Dark Ages?


i've read some old norse texts that really confuse the two.  about the time that christianity popped up in the north, there are some manuscripts where odin myth popped up in the telling of jesus.  jesus' time after the crucifixion was in the lowest world pinned to the tree in ringmail fighting all sorts of evil.  or it was odin, the two were blurred in the texts that i remember.  probably no small degree of conversion propaganda or theological inclusionism
 
2013-02-01 10:07:41 AM

Marine1: You don't take the J-Man for what he looked like, you took Him for His teachings.


"We've changed all the pictures of white Jesus in the church to brown Jesus. It's Sunday morning service time. Let's see if anyone notices."

I'm sure it would go over real well on most of Real America.
 
2013-02-01 10:07:43 AM
The Semitic peoples of the Middle are Caucasian, not "none of the above".

If Jesus is God, and the Holy Spirit is God and God is God and all rare part of the Holy Trinity, why would Jesus have a tattoo "Father" on his arm.  Would that be be a tad narcissistic?

Oh yeah and the whole Leviticus passage.  Jesus also didn't eat pork and all the rest, that was left to Paul to introduce later.
 
2013-02-01 10:09:12 AM
Well that was a thoroughly boring and uninteresting wall of text.  Anyone have a synopsis for someone who might care, but just not enough to read it all?
 
2013-02-01 10:10:39 AM

hdhale: The Semitic peoples of the Middle are Caucasian, not "none of the above".

If Jesus is God, and the Holy Spirit is God and God is God and all rare part of the Holy Trinity, why would Jesus have a tattoo "Father" on his arm.  Would that be be a tad narcissistic?

Oh yeah and the whole Leviticus passage.  Jesus also didn't eat pork and all the rest, that was left to Paul to introduce later.


The things one sees after the clicking the submit button...that moment of terror when you realize that you misspelled something or left out a word and now your cogent point could be lost..

'Middle' should be 'Middle East'.

/more coffee
 
2013-02-01 10:12:48 AM

WxAxGxS: I'm sure it would go over real well on most of Real America.


Just tell them Jesus may well have looked like he could've been Yasser Arafat's cousin. That'll do it.
 
2013-02-01 10:18:50 AM

hdhale: hdhale: The Semitic peoples of the Middle are Caucasian, not "none of the above".

If Jesus is God, and the Holy Spirit is God and God is God and all rare part of the Holy Trinity, why would Jesus have a tattoo "Father" on his arm.  Would that be be a tad narcissistic?

Oh yeah and the whole Leviticus passage.  Jesus also didn't eat pork and all the rest, that was left to Paul to introduce later.

The things one sees after the clicking the submit button...that moment of terror when you realize that you misspelled something or left out a word and now your cogent point could be lost..

'Middle' should be 'Middle East'.

/more coffee


Two words:
Permanent Record.
 
2013-02-01 10:20:55 AM
How can he afford a makeover on a landscaper's salary?
 
2013-02-01 10:22:21 AM

SpdrJay: hdhale: hdhale: The Semitic peoples of the Middle are Caucasian, not "none of the above".

If Jesus is God, and the Holy Spirit is God and God is God and all rare part of the Holy Trinity, why would Jesus have a tattoo "Father" on his arm.  Would that be be a tad narcissistic?

Oh yeah and the whole Leviticus passage.  Jesus also didn't eat pork and all the rest, that was left to Paul to introduce later.

The things one sees after the clicking the submit button...that moment of terror when you realize that you misspelled something or left out a word and now your cogent point could be lost..

'Middle' should be 'Middle East'.

/more coffee

Two words:
Permanent Record.


But they told me that my juvie records were sealed, those lying bastards.
 
2013-02-01 10:22:26 AM

WxAxGxS: Marine1: You don't take the J-Man for what he looked like, you took Him for His teachings.

"We've changed all the pictures of white Jesus in the church to brown Jesus. It's Sunday morning service time. Let's see if anyone notices."

I'm sure it would go over real well on most of Real America.


Jesus ain't no muzlem like NOBAMA!!
 
2013-02-01 10:26:55 AM
I actually have this picture in my ocean-themed guest bathroom. I found it at Goodwill and was very impressed by Jesus' beautiful teeth.

www.newsmax.com
 
2013-02-01 10:32:02 AM

abhorrent1: [img300.imageshack.us image 474x600]


The playing cards show he's hard core.
 
2013-02-01 10:32:52 AM

Diogenes: God created everything in 6 days and the Earth is only a couple of thousand years old.  But we can remake Jesus at our whim like he was a Barbie doll.


That's how mythology works.
 
2013-02-01 10:33:30 AM

StrangeQ: Well that was a thoroughly boring and uninteresting wall of text.  Anyone have a synopsis for someone who might care, but just not enough to read it all?


Some Christians are trying to reinvent Jesus to be hipper and more interesting. Which pretty much has been happening since the word "hip" came into common usage but this time it's on Fark.
 
2013-02-01 10:35:03 AM

WxAxGxS: Marine1: You don't take the J-Man for what he looked like, you took Him for His teachings.

"We've changed all the pictures of white Jesus in the church to brown Jesus. It's Sunday morning service time. Let's see if anyone notices."

I'm sure it would go over real well on most of Real America.


There would be no problem with that in New Orleans. AB Rummel, back in the day, desegregated the Archdiocese and excommunicated people who had a problem with that and even closed a church that didn't want to dsegregate. Mom's (Catholic) high school did get a bomb threat when it was desegregated.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_Rummel

/I know it is slightly off-topic
//Only a genetic Catholic. I'm agnostic
///I loved the story of excommunication being used for good since Grammy told me about it when I was a kid.
 
Ant
2013-02-01 10:35:49 AM
Jesus doesn't need help shooting up!
lh4.ggpht.com
 
2013-02-01 10:36:13 AM
Oh brother.

To quote my own post:   Diogenes:kid_icarus: It's about damn time. That whole "robe & sash" look is so 2000 years ago. And that hair!...well, that's kinda came back in, actually.

Jesus can totally pull off "trucker chic."

content.animalnewyork.com


I have no idea whatsoever what this means.
 
2013-02-01 10:37:13 AM

UberDave: [s13.postimage.org image 300x230]


Done in 1
 
2013-02-01 10:37:30 AM

Diogenes: I have no idea whatsoever what this means.


"Look at all the trucks I give"?
 
2013-02-01 10:37:51 AM
t2.gstatic.com

if you're gonna blaspheme for teh lulz you should at least make a buck doin' it

6

nice ads you got there fark, we are pleased

www.freakingnews.com
 
Ant
2013-02-01 10:39:00 AM

Englebert Slaptyback: I don't think they can make him any whiter.


They should make him cut his hair, shave that hippy beard, and maybe show him smoking a pipe.
www.flashnews.com
 
2013-02-01 10:39:19 AM
img689.imageshack.us
Facebook guilt.
 
2013-02-01 10:39:31 AM

Diogenes


I have no idea whatsoever what this means.


"And Jesus said, this is my toy truck. Take of it and play with it. Maketh thou the 'brrrm-brrrm' engine noise and honketh thou the imaginary horn."
 
2013-02-01 10:40:12 AM

malaktaus: How can he afford a makeover on a landscaper's salary?


[notsureifserious.jpg]
 
2013-02-01 10:40:45 AM
Meet the new grifters, same as the old grifters.
 
2013-02-01 10:41:09 AM

Englebert Slaptyback: Diogenes

I have no idea whatsoever what this means.


"And Jesus said, this is my toy truck. Take of it and play with it. Maketh thou the 'brrrm-brrrm' engine noise and honketh thou the imaginary horn."


LOL!
 
2013-02-01 10:41:24 AM
img850.imageshack.us
 
2013-02-01 10:44:12 AM

Louisiana_Sitar_Club: abhorrent1: [img300.imageshack.us image 474x600]

Every time I see that picture I find myself getting side tracked by the abalone shell.  Why an abalone shell?


Jews are not suposed to eat shell fish?

What side tracks me about that pic is the one hand print on the door, what is that all about?  Well that and the faux finish in the wall.  NY socialites would pay a fortune for that paint job.
 
2013-02-01 10:45:14 AM

Tommy Moo: abhorrent1: [img300.imageshack.us image 474x600]

Why is there a skull on the table? shiat. I know some hardcore motherf*ckers. People who may very well sit in their shiathole apartments with peeling paint and cigarettes and whiskey and a gun on the table. I don't think I know anyone who keeps a human skull as a table piece.


Not to mention that the junkie looks like he works out on a regular basis,probably avoids unhealthy food too.
 
2013-02-01 10:45:29 AM
www.profilebrand.com
 
2013-02-01 10:45:34 AM
img716.imageshack.us

Twist up another one bra!
 
2013-02-01 10:47:18 AM
www.faithmouse.com
 
2013-02-01 10:49:57 AM
They're going to finally admit that Jesus was a bad motherfarker?  A man that was shack up with a whore and beat the hell out of the bankers?  A man so wild that he threw a party that is still being talked about some 2,000 years later.  They killed him for disturbing the peace.  Farking cops were pigs back then too.
 
2013-02-01 10:53:26 AM

freetomato: [www.faithmouse.com image 500x622]


WTF
 
2013-02-01 10:54:49 AM
Weirdly, the most "accurate" depiction of Jesus I've seen was in a pornographic comic called "Girl: Second Coming", by Kevin Taylor, where he depicts Jesus as a middle-eastern Jew. Unfortunately there doesn't appear to be any pics available that I can link to.
 
2013-02-01 10:55:22 AM

freetomato: [www.faithmouse.com image 500x622]


Is that Michael Jackson? So his soul remained black, even though he turned white? I guess that actually makes sense. Although, why has Jebus stolen his glove?
 
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