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(Slate)   How you lose your virginity may scar you for life   (slate.com) divider line 53
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22549 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Feb 2013 at 12:16 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-01 01:19:48 AM
17 votes:
I think the social constructs that make virginity sound like a Big Deal and the whole idea that human sexuality is unnatural and wrong farks up a lot more people than the sex itself.
2013-02-01 01:20:00 AM
6 votes:
For one thing, it ignores people whose first sexual encounter involved "physical force," which is, unfortunately, a not insignificant portion of the population. (Twelve people were excluded from the study because their first sexual encounter was rape.) It also defines virginity loss in a way that leaves out most lesbians and gay men, since the participants "needed to have had heterosexual intercourse to be eligible."

I can't stand people who throw their own agenda into their misunderstanding of how science works. Not that this study was necessarily great, but when you're trying to see the effects of some action on a person's future, you throw certain things, SUCH AS RAPE, out of the sample for obvious reasons. To say that they should have included rape victims is absolutely ludicrous. And the study was about heterosexual sex so as to not complicate matters (any more than they already are). So naturally the author tries to turn it into "these people's voices are aren't being heard!" sort of thing.

Learn to use science morans.
2013-02-01 01:32:59 AM
5 votes:

cuzsis: It's funny people are complaining about the study having parameters. All studies do. And not every person is a fit for every study. If you tried to do that, there'd be all kinds of problems (funding for your exceedingly large participant base comes to mind quickly).


I just honestly can't see the value of a study on long term sexual satisfaction as related to the loss of virginity that only covers very young people who haven't had much time to enter into other relationships.
2013-02-01 01:20:14 AM
3 votes:
Slate is trying it's best to say the study was unscientific, but it was and is. Sorry if it doesn't say what you want it to say.

If they think they can do it, better, than do it. Fund it. Otherwise it's bullshiat to say "The truth is..." without having any shred of evidence to back it up and shiatting over those that do.
2013-02-01 02:18:47 AM
2 votes:

Omahawg: tinfoil-hat maggie: Wyalt Derp: Especially if vagina dentata are involved.

Yes, know you know my dark secret : )

*gasp*

well that......bites


Just be gentle or did you not see the documentary.
images.starpulse.com
2013-02-01 01:41:09 AM
2 votes:

tinfoil-hat maggie: Well said, I didn't RTFA or anything but really, what are they trying to prove?


Probably that True Love Waits and OMG DON'T HAVE SEX THE WORLD WILL COME CRASHING DOWN AROUND YOU AND NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE YOU AGAIN.

Honestly, I think the idea that you're damaged or ruined by having sex screws up waaay more people than sex itself. Looking back when I was younger- I had a lot of sex. It was mostly highly enjoyable. The only stuff that really hurt at the time was people treating me as damaged because I'd chosen to have sex.
2013-02-01 01:39:10 AM
2 votes:

aaronius: Genevieve Marie: cuzsis: It's funny people are complaining about the study having parameters. All studies do. And not every person is a fit for every study. If you tried to do that, there'd be all kinds of problems (funding for your exceedingly large participant base comes to mind quickly).

I just honestly can't see the value of a study on long term sexual satisfaction as related to the loss of virginity that only covers very young people who haven't had much time to enter into other relationships.

Unfortunately, it's not exactly easy to do a study of people like you're describing.  By definition, it would take years to come to any sort of conclusion, as you would have to follow the same people for years.  But you know that, I'm sure.


I do. I understand why it would be challenging. I just also think it's the only way any research on this subject would be at all useful.

I mean, if you'd interviewed me a year after I lost my virginity, I would have still been pining for the guy I lost it to, because I was in love with him and he'd dumped me. It took a solid ten years of perspective to realize that part of the reason I thought I was in love with him was because I had to justify to myself the decision to have sex- and that a lot of the ideas I'd been raised with were screwy.
2013-02-01 01:28:17 AM
2 votes:

RoyHobbs22: I imagine if it was by rape it would be scarring.


 I kind of figured that's why they didn't include the "rape ones". Plenty of studies have already been done on that.

 It's funny people are complaining about the study having parameters. All studies do. And not every person is a fit for every study. If you tried to do that, there'd be all kinds of problems (funding for your exceedingly large participant base comes to mind quickly).

 Others will expand and/or go over it in more detail as time goes on.
2013-02-01 12:45:29 AM
2 votes:
FTA: "The study, conducted by two psychology professors at the Universities of Mississippi and Tennessee, purports to demonstrate that the way you lose your virginity "is so salient that it is related to future sexual satisfaction and functioning."

So, did their study revolve around "daddy says I'm the best" and "squeal like a pig"?
2013-02-01 12:44:53 AM
2 votes:
I imagine if it was by rape it would be scarring.
2013-02-01 12:27:07 AM
2 votes:
Great article.
Paraphrased: "The study included only college aged students whose first encounter was heterosexual, consensual and within the last 3 years. Anyone not fitting that profile was excluded from the study."
2013-02-01 12:21:32 AM
2 votes:
Nice find, subby.  Most farkers could use this information when they finally lose their virginities.
2013-01-31 11:46:51 PM
2 votes:
This may explain why I've spent my entire life searching for that one special someone who wants to make out in the back row of a theater during Naked Gun and then engage in a seconds-long encounter in a half-lit parking garage in the front seat of a white Ford escort owned by someone's mother. Forever alone. Forever. Alone.
2013-02-01 06:50:18 PM
1 votes:

kim jong-un: Bedstead Polisher: Great article.
Paraphrased: "The study included only college aged students whose first encounter was heterosexual, consensual and within the last 3 years. Anyone not fitting that profile was excluded from the study."

The author seemed pissed about that, which means she doesn't understand removing variables and isn't happy with the conclusion.

Not saying the study is right or wrong, but the author comes across as ignorant of the reasons why you want to exclude variables.


I think it probably should have been a more long-term study. It's only looking at people who lost their virginity as teenagers. You could make the argument that any new experience we have as teenagers affects us for life. Plus every new partner one has might affect your view of sex. What if a new partner you have 7 years after losing your virginity changes your whole view of sex.
It's just a very small sample that seems to want to prove a specific point, not discover something new.
2013-02-01 05:07:11 PM
1 votes:

alienated: 3 teens, I was 5. Dad claimed it was my fault.
I am sure they are dead now, so there is that.

.
Sorry to say it but, hopefully that includes your dad
2013-02-01 02:32:17 PM
1 votes:

Shadow Blasko: 17 14, drugged and raped.

So, yeah, I think that has had a pretty significant outcome on my life. I'm probably a lot more gentle and cautious (unless explicitly told NOT to be) than I would be otherwise.

That has paid dividends beyond measure in my life, so... it sucked, but I think I won in the end.


Almost identical stories. I won in the end, too. He died in prison and I still have no sympathy.

But I do have a great sex life, so yeah, WINNING.

//Scary how common this story is....
2013-02-01 01:56:40 PM
1 votes:

NASAM: LibertyHiller: Jack's Smirking Revenge: TenJed_77: enderthexenocide: if i ever lose my virginity, i'll certainly let you guys know.

i turn 34 this year, and at the rate i'm going, i'll probably lose it to my future mail order bride.  women in the united states apparently want nothing to do with me, but maybe a nice woman from the ukraine might take a chance with me.

Don't buy anything you can't test drive.

Exactly.  If it flies, floats or farks, rent, don't buy.

/2 spaces after a period
//screw your precious bits - there's a good reason why
///Grammar Nazi in the old style
////yay slashies!

Hate to burst your bubble...

http://www.slate.com/articles/technology/technology/2011/01/space_in va ders.html?wpisrc=most_viral

Whatever.  It's Slate.  Slate is wrong about, well, just about everything.

/Two Spaces!
//Single space is for savages.


Thank you for saying what I was going to say.  Some of us like to be able to look at a paragraph and know at a glance where a period denotes the end of a sentence, the end of an abbreviation, or something else.  It helps break up the wall of text.

Also, that precious Slate author seems to have stashed his sense of irony with those extra spaces he despises.  Two paragraphs after writing, "Can I let you in on a secret? Typing two spaces after a period is totally, completely, utterly, and inarguably wrong," he wrote, "What galls me about two-spacers isn't just their numbers. It's their certainty that they're right."  He sounds like the sort of uptight person who lost his virginity in an arranged marriage.
2013-02-01 12:49:47 PM
1 votes:

LibertyHiller: Jack's Smirking Revenge: TenJed_77: enderthexenocide: if i ever lose my virginity, i'll certainly let you guys know.

i turn 34 this year, and at the rate i'm going, i'll probably lose it to my future mail order bride.  women in the united states apparently want nothing to do with me, but maybe a nice woman from the ukraine might take a chance with me.

Don't buy anything you can't test drive.

Exactly.  If it flies, floats or farks, rent, don't buy.

/2 spaces after a period
//screw your precious bits - there's a good reason why
///Grammar Nazi in the old style
////yay slashies!

Hate to burst your bubble...

http://www.slate.com/articles/technology/technology/2011/01/space_in va ders.html?wpisrc=most_viral


Whatever.  It's Slate.  Slate is wrong about, well, just about everything.

/Two Spaces!
//Single space is for savages.
2013-02-01 11:07:29 AM
1 votes:

TheBlackFlag: HempHead: [juliaoswald.files.wordpress.com image 850x686]

What the fark is the matter with you?  (other than being a Paedophiltheir


Hmmm...if you see something sexual in that photo you might want to get yourself checked out at the closet Family Resource Council or call Kirk Camron.
2013-02-01 10:21:05 AM
1 votes:

nonzero: Hell, the last redhead thread was a ginger sausage fest.



I was okay with that one.  Farkettes need something to rub one out to every once in a while.
2013-02-01 09:06:41 AM
1 votes:

enderthexenocide: if i ever lose my virginity, i'll certainly let you guys know.

i turn 34 this year, and at the rate i'm going, i'll probably lose it to my future mail order bride.  women in the united states apparently want nothing to do with me, but maybe a nice woman from the ukraine might take a chance with me.


Don't buy anything you can't test drive.
2013-02-01 09:01:25 AM
1 votes:
It's really worth reading the entire article by the researchers, rather than sticking solely to biased summaries like this pathetic Slate article.  Go to the original, linked in the article.

By the way, Table 1 indicates that, when it comes to the first time, boys experience more physical and emotional satisfaction, more of an afterglow, and less anxiety.

In my opinion, our culture puts too much emphasis on virginity as a commodity that can be lost.
2013-02-01 07:40:45 AM
1 votes:

Gulper Eel: regaining their virginity.


How exactly does one do this?
2013-02-01 06:10:41 AM
1 votes:

Rik01: Studies done since the 60's have confirmed that your first sexual encounter actually can, to a major degree, 'set' your sexual tastes.


the only thing that correlates my first time and my sexual tastes would be the gender of my sexual partner...

For whatever reason, THIS had a more profound impact on my tastes than my first time:

cdn.chud.com


To this day i still have a thing for white cotton panties, white socks, and a great ass...
2013-02-01 05:19:06 AM
1 votes:
Studies done since the 60's have confirmed that your first sexual encounter actually can, to a major degree, 'set' your sexual tastes.

However, it will not 'set' your sexual polarity, though, among guys, 1 in 4 will have a homosexual experience. Usually 'pre-teens' with peers.

It's not uncommon for rapists to have experienced forced or violent sex for their first time, which kind of triggers their proclivity towards 'play rape'. real rape and/or violent sex. Guys who have their first experience with a professional, like where prostitution is legal and Dad or Big Brother takes them to a 'Ranch' to become a man, usually means the guy will lean more towards prostitutes or a partner who likes to play prostitute.

If you loose your virginity during puberty, you're a lot more tuned into the environment than you think. That means you'll absorb and later recall or be affected by scents, temperature, the time of day, whether or not you were drinking or using drugs and the attitude of your partner.

A partner who ridicules or makes fun of your fumbling, first time actions can leave deep, mental scars which can pop up later in life. Sex has a VERY deep, emotional range, especially for the uninitiated.

The impact of your first time can actually affect seemingly unrelated decisions and emotions later on in life. Various factors also include your emotional state at the time.

It was a real long time ago, but I can still recall my first time, that she wore a 60's 'granny dress', the lights were low, scented candles burning, she had put on Neil Diamond, I was stoned for the first time and she looked like an angel.

To this day, the scent of Herbal Essence Green Apple shampoo can make me falter in walking as pleasant memories come flooding back. I've not seen nor heard from her in decades, but I've never forgotten that night either.

There's a whole lot of factors which go into sex beyond the initial horny stages and we're still exploring the drives, the emotions and the huge amount of variations. We understand a lot, but there's still so much more to figure out.
2013-02-01 04:14:05 AM
1 votes:
I had no illusions about my first time. I expected it to be painful and short and that's exactly how it happened.

I didn't really enjoy it until the 3rd or 4th time, to be honest. Glad I stuck with it and didn't have any hangups or scars with regards to losing it.
2013-02-01 03:39:02 AM
1 votes:

Peki: /the fact that I'm bi, like to be submissive, and have a good amount of kink means I'm normal. Right?


That or it means your profile just got viewed by almost every guy here.
2013-02-01 03:10:59 AM
1 votes:

Genevieve Marie: tinfoil-hat maggie: Well said, I didn't RTFA or anything but really, what are they trying to prove?

Probably that True Love Waits and OMG DON'T HAVE SEX THE WORLD WILL COME CRASHING DOWN AROUND YOU AND NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE YOU AGAIN.

Honestly, I think the idea that you're damaged or ruined by having sex screws up waaay more people than sex itself. Looking back when I was younger- I had a lot of sex. It was mostly highly enjoyable. The only stuff that really hurt at the time was people treating me as damaged because I'd chosen to have sex.


Considering the age of the people in their study, they should also have been examining how they had been scarred by NOT losing their virginity yet.
2013-02-01 02:25:56 AM
1 votes:

UsikFark: tinfoil-hat maggie: Wyalt Derp: Especially if vagina dentata are involved.

Yes, know you know my dark secret : )

You say "yes," I say "know..."


Hon, If I ever go too long without typo's that means I'm not drinking and something is defiantly wrong with the universe : )
/Then be afraid.
2013-02-01 02:20:23 AM
1 votes:
Was to a Native American girl.

I've been in touch with the land ever since.
2013-02-01 02:13:46 AM
1 votes:

TenJed_77: 15 was drinking with some classmates when the older sister came in stoned as hell and took my beer away. Then basically ordered me to go to her room with her. Spent the next 8 or 9 months banging her in every place and position and way possible. Not traumatized in the least, I learned a lot. Still have a thing for redheads though.
/Can you have more than one first?
//Anal?
///Oral?
////Vaginal?


Please explain, your sister, or your friend's sister?
2013-02-01 01:36:12 AM
1 votes:

Genevieve Marie: cuzsis: It's funny people are complaining about the study having parameters. All studies do. And not every person is a fit for every study. If you tried to do that, there'd be all kinds of problems (funding for your exceedingly large participant base comes to mind quickly).

I just honestly can't see the value of a study on long term sexual satisfaction as related to the loss of virginity that only covers very young people who haven't had much time to enter into other relationships.


Unfortunately, it's not exactly easy to do a study of people like you're describing.  By definition, it would take years to come to any sort of conclusion, as you would have to follow the same people for years.  But you know that, I'm sure.
2013-02-01 01:27:28 AM
1 votes:
I had a friend who finally screwed some fat chick in his senior year in high school. His reaction, "I'm glad I got that over with". He later joined the coast guard, not that there's anything wrong with that.
2013-02-01 01:25:26 AM
1 votes:
Lost mine to a Korean prostitute.  Still have a thing for Asians so this might be true.
2013-02-01 01:18:25 AM
1 votes:
I lost mine having sex and I'm okay with that...
2013-02-01 01:15:50 AM
1 votes:
I hope the coont hole I saved myself for can sleep at night after, you know, pretending she didn't have a husband and then, you know, revealing she did have a husband and, you know, using him for the reason she had to break up with me, you know, after I told her how: being a catholic dude - the first time was special, you know.

/may be a little bitter @ the girl
//may have gained 100lbs in protest
///may be a little bitter @ the loss of one's eternal soul.
////Is happy he will be teaching his sons to... well, you don't want to know
2013-02-01 12:52:21 AM
1 votes:
Lose my virginity?  I read fark instead.
2013-02-01 12:46:14 AM
1 votes:

fusillade762: So don't lose your virginity. Got it.


No problems there, never bothered. Most of the girls in my high school were utter biatches.
2013-02-01 12:45:50 AM
1 votes:
With a catholic school girl while watching "hackers" on my friends fold-out couch. And then in his shower, and then on top of the pillows of his roommate that I hated, and then on his floor, and then on his kitchen table. It was a busy afternoon...
I do not regret calling in to work late that day.
2013-02-01 12:44:54 AM
1 votes:

rfenster: Cool, I'll keep this in mind in case I ever get lucky.

/Gotta happen one of these days.
//Doesn't it?
///Anyone want to take 46 year old out for a test drive?


Look on the bright side - no chance of STDs.
2013-02-01 12:39:58 AM
1 votes:

rfenster: Cool, I'll keep this in mind in case I ever get lucky.

/Gotta happen one of these days.
//Doesn't it?
///Anyone want to take 46 year old out for a test drive?


Holy shiat find a farking Hooker before you explode or go on a killing spree.

/just advice
//just trying to help
2013-02-01 12:39:39 AM
1 votes:
Mine was great. I met a girl, she took my phone number, and came to my house that evening. I was 22, and had never even french kissed a girl before, and I could not believe my luck. I kept waking up that night, amazed that this young woman was in my bed. It was the greatest feeling ever. She was pretty damned cute too. Turned out to be more than a little bit nutty though. Took me a year to get another girlfriend, then after that, nothing. But at least I have a few memories.
2013-02-01 12:37:14 AM
1 votes:

Coelacanth: Back in 1974, I lost my cherry to my first high school sweetheart while my second high school sweetheart moped around downstairs because we didn't have television (my family just moved to the mountains and we couldn't afford Stone age cable back then).

I developed a guilt trip about that until a few years ago, I ran across the second sweetheart on Facebook. I asked her if she was still pissed off about me and number one. She told me that it ruined her life (she went and married another guy who promptly got himself killed on a motorcycle).

My guilt trip is now an around-the-world cruise.


YOu should have requested a threesome, then you'd be off the hook when she refused.
2013-02-01 12:35:11 AM
1 votes:
I'm glad they pointed out the idiocy of doing this study on college students. So many psych studies are on college students because the researchers are professors who make participating in a certain number of studies a requirment for everyone talking Intro to Psychology.
2013-02-01 12:32:27 AM
1 votes:
First time with a girl - she came looking for me.  I didn't know her, or how she knew of me.  She said "wanna go boink" and I said "yep".  I was 14.
First time with a boy(s) - saw a amazingly hot couple at a bar.  I said "Wanna go boink" and they said "yep".  I was 21.

/not hard to do.
2013-02-01 12:27:28 AM
1 votes:
And ... scene

cravingideas.blogs.com cravingideas.blogs.com
2013-02-01 12:25:39 AM
1 votes:
Cool, I'll keep this in mind in case I ever get lucky.

/Gotta happen one of these days.
//Doesn't it?
///Anyone want to take 46 year old out for a test drive?
2013-02-01 12:25:01 AM
1 votes:
juliaoswald.files.wordpress.com
2013-02-01 12:24:10 AM
1 votes:
My first time was when I was really young, unaware of how to do things, and still figuring out what girls were. (13)... It put me in the mindset to learn everything I can about the female anatomy and how it works so I can maximize pleasure in my partner. Of course, that left emotional baggage as well, and I still have problems with normal relationships, because I don't take time to do the things *I* want to do, and that leaves me getting walked all over and used. So yeah, while the sex is great, the rest of the relationship is usually shiat.
2013-02-01 12:20:13 AM
1 votes:
Well, luckily I'm protected by not having a strong enough sex drive to overcome my natural hatred and distrust of other people. I'm sure dying without getting laid will in no way have negative repercussions in my life.
2013-02-01 12:17:53 AM
1 votes:
Well, this thread should be entertaining.
2013-01-31 11:42:26 PM
1 votes:
Only if you do it right.
2013-01-31 09:57:08 PM
1 votes:
mojoimage.com
 
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