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(M24 Digital)   "He has convinced us that only God could come into our lives through the mouth," says 23-year-old woman about pastor who claimed his penis had been anointed with the "Holy Spirit divine semen"   (m24digital.com ) divider line
    More: Unlikely, Holy Spirit, god, Pastor Valdecir, Holy Spirit divine, semen  
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22714 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Jan 2013 at 5:39 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-01-31 05:15:29 PM  
8 votes:
I wonder if he tips at Applebees
2013-01-31 05:48:01 PM  
5 votes:

AdolfOliverPanties: I am repeatedly amazed at how farking stupid and gullible some people are.


Not me. If people will buy the whole Bible thing, they'll buy anything.
2013-01-31 05:51:17 PM  
4 votes:

Old enough to know better: AdolfOliverPanties: I am repeatedly amazed at how farking stupid and gullible some people are.

Not me. If people will buy the whole Bible thing, they'll buy anything.


After buying into a story wherein an all-powerful being creates a bunch of lesser beings, condemns them for acting according to the nature with which he created them, impregnates a woman to give birth to him as a mortal, then sacrifices himself to himself so he can forgive all his creations the sins they committed that he not only KNEW they could commit but that he created them with the ability to commit in the first place?

Yeah, "God told me to bukkake you," isn't that hard to swallow...

/Pun intended
2013-01-31 05:27:33 PM  
4 votes:
I am repeatedly amazed at how farking stupid and gullible some people are.
2013-01-31 05:18:15 PM  
3 votes:
Okay, now this is a very delicate subject I'm going to broach, walking a fine line... but if you tell a woman you're something you're not so she has sex of some variety with you, is it really rape? Is rape not forcible? Fraudulent sex isn't really rape... or is it?
2013-01-31 10:02:46 PM  
2 votes:
Jekylman: StoPPeRmobile: It's fraud, right? Since it's not official Jesus Love Juice?

Prove that transubstantiation is a lie.


It's silly. It's still wafers & wine after consecration, even though Roman Catholics insist otherwise. And, oddly enough, when folks with an empty stomach barf after Communion, they throw up wafers & wine, not human flesh & blood. The theological debates surrounding transsubstantiation and consubstantiation are a constant source of amusement to me.

The concept of transsubstantiation was introduced in in the 7th century, isn't really part of any Christian doctrine other than Catholic doctrine, and even then only about a third of Catholics buy into it. The other Christian faiths, as well as most Catholics, typically take that discussion as a metaphorical, not a literal, one. Catholic doctine indicates that transsubstantiation actually occurs upon consecration, not after consumption (emphasis mine):

Moreover, many of the early Church fathers make it very clear that, once consecrated, the sacramental bread and wine actually become Christ's Body and Blood. Ignatius of Antioch, Justin, and Ireneus, as well as Gregory of Nyssa, John Chrysostom, and Cyril of Alexandria all explained this mysterious transformation in their writings, and by the close of the seventh century, this doctrine was accepted throughout Christendom as the authentic teaching of the Church.

What's fun is watching folks confuse consubstantiation (the spiritual conversion of the Eucharist) with transsubstantiation (the physical conversion of the Eucharist) - gotta love ritual cannibalism. For folks squeamish about ritual cannibalism, the Church insisted that, even though it tasted, smelled, and looked like wafers & wine, it was substantially the actual flesh & blood of Christ. A lot of folks continued to balk at that really, really implausible idea, and lots of other Christian belief systems spin it as a metaphor. Luther, for example, coins consubstantiation.

Consubstantiation is more readily accepted by other Christians, and most Catholics (even though it's against doctrine) as it allows "wiggle room" - it's clearly bread & wine when consumed, so there must be a spiritual change, rather than physical change, upon consecration. Luther had what appeared to be a more logical approach to the Eucharist, even as he maintained the sacrament of it. But, Catholics are a stubborn lot.

To be honest, both concepts are silly as hell to me, but there you have it. It's easy to prove that transsubstantiation doesn't happen, harder to prove that consubstantiation doesn't happen, and pointless to argue about either. If you're Christian, eat the wafer, sip the wine, and adore Christ. The guy was awesome enough whether or not that particular miracle occurs, or to what degree, and so Christians should revere the practice as you see fit.
2013-01-31 09:24:55 PM  
2 votes:

pxlboy: KrispyKritter: Subby thinks a man who is either a charlatan or mentally ill that dupes church goers into activity that smacks of sexual assault is COOL. Wow. And here I thought I was the biggest POS scumbag that I knew. Hats off to you, my sick & twisted friend. I place you high up on my mantle next to my other heroes, the Nazis.

Seriously -- how dumb do you have to be to think that sucking off the pastor is going to get you brownie points with God?


It's almost as though deeply religious people have trouble with critical thinking.
2013-01-31 08:54:37 PM  
2 votes:

Farty McPooPants: Who's awesome?
[m24digital.com image 500x335]
You're Awesome!


So Fark Admins, it's okay to post photos of pastors as long as they're male?
2013-01-31 08:29:47 PM  
2 votes:
The difference between rape and rapture? Salesmanship!
2013-01-31 07:41:06 PM  
2 votes:
This gets the 'cool' tag?... meanwhile Farkers are outraged at a that boyfriend training app?...
2013-01-31 06:10:38 PM  
2 votes:
If he was diddling kids, that would be one thing, but I have zero sympathy for any adult who fell for this.
2013-01-31 05:55:53 PM  
2 votes:
Only the really talented psychopaths make it big in religion, politics, and law enforcement.....
2013-01-31 05:34:00 PM  
2 votes:
www.turnbacktogod.com Eat this and rub member of me.
2013-01-31 05:27:16 PM  
2 votes:
O cum all ye faithful.
2013-02-01 06:22:15 AM  
1 vote:

SkunkWerks: FTA: Sobrino Valdeci Picanto, 59, was arrested in Apore, Goiás, Brazil, for raping...

(Cool) "He has convinced us that only God could come into our lives through the mouth," says 23-year-old woman about pastor who claimed his penis had been anointed with the "Holy Spirit divine semen"

[Smart] [Funny] [Punch Subby in the Babymaker]


Unless the "victims" involved are legally retarded that is not rape; that is using comedy to score.
2013-02-01 05:36:49 AM  
1 vote:
So, can anyone prove that Sobrino Valdeci Picantos penis isn't a conduit for the divine semen of the Holy Spirit?
If the man says his sperm is divine, I say we should all drink it!
And anyone who questions the divinity of the Picanto holy penis isn't a true patriot. This is one nation under God!
2013-02-01 04:30:15 AM  
1 vote:
How are these people not considered legally retarded?
2013-01-31 10:16:17 PM  
1 vote:

jedihirsch: In that case he said he was Jewish, he was not. He said he was an Air Force pilot, never served. He said he was single, he was married. Now the western media focused on one of the three counts of deception, being the lying for being Jewish one. But when looking at the actual court documents, his jailing for 18 months, 6 of them for lying about Military service and 12 for lying about being married, and ZERO for lying about being jewish, which one judge claimed that she would have had sex with him regardless of that claim but not the other two. The other two judges (Three judge panel) said they were not sure of the Jewish one so they convicted on that account but with no jail time, and agreed with the first judge about the other two.

So the media lied about what he was convicted of and lied about the case. Do some better research, including the articles where they corrected their original false claims


So you're saying they would have given a more severe punishment for lying about his Jewishness, but the evidence didn't hold up?

Or are you saying that it's no big deal if a supposedly democratic country hands out rape sentences for people who lie about being jewish?
2013-01-31 09:29:17 PM  
1 vote:
2013-01-31 08:51:22 PM  
1 vote:

Slaxl: but if you tell a woman you're something you're not so she has sex of some variety with you, is it really rape?


How do you know He is not what He claims to be?

Obvious? How 'bout all the other claims of religion?
2013-01-31 08:32:09 PM  
1 vote:

KrispyKritter: Subby thinks a man who is either a charlatan or mentally ill that dupes church goers into activity that smacks of sexual assault is COOL. Wow. And here I thought I was the biggest POS scumbag that I knew. Hats off to you, my sick & twisted friend. I place you high up on my mantle next to my other heroes, the Nazis.


 If i go up to a woman and tell her if she doesnt have sex with me the world will end, and she believes me and does, is it rape, or is she just an idiot?
2013-01-31 08:25:44 PM  
1 vote:
How does this get a 'COOL' tag?
2013-01-31 08:19:48 PM  
1 vote:

Slaxl: Okay, now this is a very delicate subject I'm going to broach, walking a fine line... but if you tell a woman you're something you're not so she has sex of some variety with you, is it really rape? Is rape not forcible? Fraudulent sex isn't really rape... or is it?


In Israel, a non-Jewish arab man was charged with rape by deception after had sex with a Jewish woman. He allegedly lied to her and said he was Jewish.
http://articles.cnn.com/2010-07-21/world/israel.rape.by.deception_1_ ap peal-plea-bargain-israeli-woman?_s=PM:WORLD
//hot like a race-segregated society
2013-01-31 07:22:47 PM  
1 vote:
[picture from the story]

Looks like Steve Urkel is all growed up now.

/not posting picture of the pastor
//that's not allowed on Fark
2013-01-31 07:00:48 PM  
1 vote:
Subby thinks a man who is either a charlatan or mentally ill that dupes church goers into activity that smacks of sexual assault is COOL. Wow. And here I thought I was the biggest POS scumbag that I knew. Hats off to you, my sick & twisted friend. I place you high up on my mantle next to my other heroes, the Nazis.
2013-01-31 06:13:11 PM  
1 vote:

Jument: LordBollocks: FTA "Valdecir was caught red-handed while rubbing his penis in the face of a local merchant, which promised to make more sales in her business due to the divine liquid."

Seriously how farking stupid can you be?

You mean brilliant, right?

Stupid he got caught, but farking genius to have gotten it to work even a few times. Giant brass balls.


Actually I meant she was stupid. He however is a god amongst men.
2013-01-31 06:08:45 PM  
1 vote:
I've heard this one before. It ends with her kid killing Medusa, right?
2013-01-31 06:07:55 PM  
1 vote:
This guy is a scumbag for sure, but im gonna side with the its not really rape crowd on this one. Although i guess if youre dumb enough to fall for this it could be like those episodes of law and order cases where having sex with a tard is rape because they cant really consent...

Also for completely unrelated reasons, how does one go about starting a church? And attracting cute female redheaded parishioners?
2013-01-31 06:05:27 PM  
1 vote:

AdolfOliverPanties: I am repeatedly amazed at how farking stupid and gullible some people are.


Yeah, some people will swallow anything.
2013-01-31 06:03:40 PM  
1 vote:

LordBollocks: FTA "Valdecir was caught red-handed while rubbing his penis in the face of a local merchant, which promised to make more sales in her business due to the divine liquid."

Seriously how farking stupid can you be?


You mean brilliant, right?

Stupid he got caught, but farking genius to have gotten it to work even a few times. Giant brass balls.
2013-01-31 06:00:57 PM  
1 vote:

ArkPanda: Maybe some version of statutory?  I suppose they weren't unable to give consent, they were just dumbasses.


If being too stupid to give consent becomes a thing (when not legally retarded), people are gonna have problems.
2013-01-31 05:59:46 PM  
1 vote:
I'm coming, Jesus!

Iimages.wikia.com
/hot like a bottle of Ripple left in the truck.
2013-01-31 05:56:36 PM  
1 vote:
As an Agnostic, I really can't 100% say he's wrong. I'm pretty sure it's bullshiat, but don't hold me to it.
2013-01-31 05:56:28 PM  
1 vote:
So, would it be the body of Jizzus Christ?
2013-01-31 05:49:59 PM  
1 vote:

Slaxl: Okay, now this is a very delicate subject I'm going to broach, walking a fine line... but if you tell a woman you're something you're not so she has sex of some variety with you, is it really rape? Is rape not forcible? Fraudulent sex isn't really rape... or is it?


Uh, that would mean a majority of men at bars are rapists, and that women expect rapists when meeting guys at bars to the point of feeling awkward when they're talking with someone who isn't a rapist.
2013-01-31 05:47:39 PM  
1 vote:
FTA "Valdecir was caught red-handed while rubbing his penis in the face of a local merchant, which promised to make more sales in her business due to the divine liquid."

Seriously how farking stupid can you be?
2013-01-31 05:47:15 PM  
1 vote:

xaratherus: unlikely: I wonder if he tips at Applebees

lol

"I give God 10 inches. Why should I give you 18??"


Ah, so he only gives the tip at Applebees.
2013-01-31 05:46:46 PM  
1 vote:
How are people this stupid?
2013-01-31 05:44:49 PM  
1 vote:

unlikely: I wonder if he tips at Applebees


lol

"I give God 10 inches. Why should I give you 18??"
2013-01-31 05:42:44 PM  
1 vote:
farm9.staticflickr.com
2013-01-31 05:41:26 PM  
1 vote:
What, no hero tag?
2013-01-31 05:40:59 PM  
1 vote:

Diogenes: Geez...there must be better come-on lines than that.


If there is, I've never thought of it. I've never thought of one that worked more than once and this one was working for quite awhile for him.
2013-01-31 05:35:14 PM  
1 vote:
There are such stupid people on this earth.
2013-01-31 05:30:20 PM  
1 vote:

Jubeebee: Diogenes: Geez...there must be better come-on lines than that.

This sounds more like a come-in line.


You'll definitely remember taking Cummunion in his church.
2013-01-31 05:29:30 PM  
1 vote:
I have a mental picture of Jesus beating it at the Last Supper table and howling, "Swallow this in remembrance of me!" to the Apostles.
2013-01-31 05:29:00 PM  
1 vote:

Diogenes: Geez...there must be better come-on lines than that.


This sounds more like a come-in line.
2013-01-31 05:21:40 PM  
1 vote:

Slaxl: Okay, now this is a very delicate subject I'm going to broach, walking a fine line... but if you tell a woman you're something you're not so she has sex of some variety with you, is it really rape? Is rape not forcible? Fraudulent sex isn't really rape... or is it?


Caveat sexor?
2013-01-31 05:11:17 PM  
1 vote:
Geez...there must be better come-on lines than that.
 
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