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(M24 Digital)   "He has convinced us that only God could come into our lives through the mouth," says 23-year-old woman about pastor who claimed his penis had been anointed with the "Holy Spirit divine semen"   (m24digital.com) divider line 199
    More: Unlikely, Holy Spirit, god, Pastor Valdecir, Holy Spirit divine, semen  
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22640 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Jan 2013 at 5:39 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-31 05:11:17 PM
Geez...there must be better come-on lines than that.
 
2013-01-31 05:15:29 PM
I wonder if he tips at Applebees
 
2013-01-31 05:18:15 PM
Okay, now this is a very delicate subject I'm going to broach, walking a fine line... but if you tell a woman you're something you're not so she has sex of some variety with you, is it really rape? Is rape not forcible? Fraudulent sex isn't really rape... or is it?
 
2013-01-31 05:21:40 PM

Slaxl: Okay, now this is a very delicate subject I'm going to broach, walking a fine line... but if you tell a woman you're something you're not so she has sex of some variety with you, is it really rape? Is rape not forcible? Fraudulent sex isn't really rape... or is it?


Caveat sexor?
 
2013-01-31 05:27:16 PM
O cum all ye faithful.
 
2013-01-31 05:27:33 PM
I am repeatedly amazed at how farking stupid and gullible some people are.
 
2013-01-31 05:29:00 PM

Diogenes: Geez...there must be better come-on lines than that.


This sounds more like a come-in line.
 
2013-01-31 05:29:30 PM
I have a mental picture of Jesus beating it at the Last Supper table and howling, "Swallow this in remembrance of me!" to the Apostles.
 
2013-01-31 05:30:20 PM

Jubeebee: Diogenes: Geez...there must be better come-on lines than that.

This sounds more like a come-in line.


You'll definitely remember taking Cummunion in his church.
 
2013-01-31 05:34:00 PM
www.turnbacktogod.com Eat this and rub member of me.
 
2013-01-31 05:35:14 PM
There are such stupid people on this earth.
 
2013-01-31 05:40:59 PM

Diogenes: Geez...there must be better come-on lines than that.


If there is, I've never thought of it. I've never thought of one that worked more than once and this one was working for quite awhile for him.
 
2013-01-31 05:41:26 PM
What, no hero tag?
 
2013-01-31 05:41:49 PM
i.ytimg.com
 
2013-01-31 05:42:39 PM
This reminds me of a horrible joke:


If you wake up on December 26th with a bad taste in your mouth; remember, Santa only comes once a year.
 
2013-01-31 05:42:44 PM
farm9.staticflickr.com
 
2013-01-31 05:43:22 PM
whitethreads.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-01-31 05:43:32 PM
It's fraud, right? Since it's not official Jesus Love Juice?
 
2013-01-31 05:44:09 PM
His nickname is Sir Psycho Sexy
 
2013-01-31 05:44:09 PM

Diogenes: Jubeebee: Diogenes: Geez...there must be better come-on lines than that.

This sounds more like a come-in line.

You'll definitely remember taking Cummunion in his church.


Parishioners are to kneel and pray "Thy Kingdom Come" until his kingdom comes.
 
2013-01-31 05:44:49 PM

unlikely: I wonder if he tips at Applebees


lol

"I give God 10 inches. Why should I give you 18??"
 
2013-01-31 05:46:42 PM
I was guessing Zimbabwe but the middle of Bumfark Brazil works too.
 
2013-01-31 05:46:46 PM
How are people this stupid?
 
2013-01-31 05:47:15 PM

xaratherus: unlikely: I wonder if he tips at Applebees

lol

"I give God 10 inches. Why should I give you 18??"


Ah, so he only gives the tip at Applebees.
 
2013-01-31 05:47:39 PM
FTA "Valdecir was caught red-handed while rubbing his penis in the face of a local merchant, which promised to make more sales in her business due to the divine liquid."

Seriously how farking stupid can you be?
 
2013-01-31 05:48:01 PM

AdolfOliverPanties: I am repeatedly amazed at how farking stupid and gullible some people are.


Not me. If people will buy the whole Bible thing, they'll buy anything.
 
2013-01-31 05:49:15 PM
Oh come ON ye faithful
 
2013-01-31 05:49:41 PM
FTA: According to the Pastor, "You have in your hands the servant of the Lord and do not regret it yet. I hope to continue my wonderful job within the prison".

You'll have plenty of chances to continue what you've been doing there in prison, pastor.
 
2013-01-31 05:49:59 PM

Slaxl: Okay, now this is a very delicate subject I'm going to broach, walking a fine line... but if you tell a woman you're something you're not so she has sex of some variety with you, is it really rape? Is rape not forcible? Fraudulent sex isn't really rape... or is it?


Uh, that would mean a majority of men at bars are rapists, and that women expect rapists when meeting guys at bars to the point of feeling awkward when they're talking with someone who isn't a rapist.
 
2013-01-31 05:50:33 PM
...and you thought Michael Jackson's version of Jesus Juice was bad.
 
2013-01-31 05:51:17 PM

Old enough to know better: AdolfOliverPanties: I am repeatedly amazed at how farking stupid and gullible some people are.

Not me. If people will buy the whole Bible thing, they'll buy anything.


After buying into a story wherein an all-powerful being creates a bunch of lesser beings, condemns them for acting according to the nature with which he created them, impregnates a woman to give birth to him as a mortal, then sacrifices himself to himself so he can forgive all his creations the sins they committed that he not only KNEW they could commit but that he created them with the ability to commit in the first place?

Yeah, "God told me to bukkake you," isn't that hard to swallow...

/Pun intended
 
2013-01-31 05:51:34 PM
This guy totally stole my go-to Sunday school lesson plan.

/come get your salvation kids!
 
2013-01-31 05:53:39 PM

Slaxl: Okay, now this is a very delicate subject I'm going to broach, walking a fine line... but if you tell a woman you're something you're not so she has sex of some variety with you, is it really rape? Is rape not forcible? Fraudulent sex isn't really rape... or is it?


You mean rape by false pretenses.  The law varies by state, and can be complicated, but I think tends to turn on impersonating someone's spouse (rather than telling them you're rich when in fact you are poor, for example).  See this blog item on a recent California case.
 
2013-01-31 05:54:30 PM
I swear this was one of the stories in the Decameron.
 
2013-01-31 05:55:01 PM

unlikely: I wonder if he tips at Applebees


He stiffs the waitress.
 
2013-01-31 05:55:19 PM
Having a hard time finding a "victim" in this scenario. In fairness I only briefly skimmed the article but it seems like the BJ's were passed out willingly so what's the problem? They're upset his spode didn't REALLY provide salvation? I don't think that sort of thing is covered by the law... you couldn't reasonably expect it to in the first place.

Caveat sextor as someone said above.
 
2013-01-31 05:55:53 PM
Only the really talented psychopaths make it big in religion, politics, and law enforcement.....
 
2013-01-31 05:56:28 PM
So, would it be the body of Jizzus Christ?
 
2013-01-31 05:56:36 PM
As an Agnostic, I really can't 100% say he's wrong. I'm pretty sure it's bullshiat, but don't hold me to it.
 
2013-01-31 05:57:54 PM

Slaxl: Okay, now this is a very delicate subject I'm going to broach, walking a fine line... but if you tell a woman you're something you're not so she has sex of some variety with you, is it really rape? Is rape not forcible? Fraudulent sex isn't really rape... or is it?


Not in this situation, no.  There's a distinction between what's called "fraud in the inducement," which is when someone is "tricked" into having sex under false pretenses ("I'm shipping to Afghanistan in the morning" kind of thing), and "fraud in the factum," which means someone is tricked into having sex when they don't know they're having it/think it's with someone else (posing as her husband in the dark, for instance).  In the first case, the "victim" knows they're having sex, understands all the implications, and consented anyway, so it's not rape.  That's what we have here.

There's actually a case, Boro v. Superior Court, where a guy called a woman up claiming to be a doctor.  He said he had the results of a recent medical exam, and she had a very rare disease.  There was a cure, but it involved either a very painful medical procedure or sex with a man who'd been dosed with a vaccine.  Supposedly the man's sperm would transfer the medicine.  The court found that while it was reprehensible, she fully understood and consented to the sex act, so it wasn't rape.
 
2013-01-31 05:58:26 PM
Dude's got game.


Keizer_Ghidorah: So, would it be the body of Jizzus Christ?


Ha!
 
2013-01-31 05:59:15 PM
It still isn't rape and should not be treated as such.
 
2013-01-31 05:59:46 PM
I'm coming, Jesus!

Iimages.wikia.com
/hot like a bottle of Ripple left in the truck.
 
2013-01-31 05:59:53 PM

Warthog: Slaxl: Okay, now this is a very delicate subject I'm going to broach, walking a fine line... but if you tell a woman you're something you're not so she has sex of some variety with you, is it really rape? Is rape not forcible? Fraudulent sex isn't really rape... or is it?

You mean rape by false pretenses.  The law varies by state, and can be complicated, but I think tends to turn on impersonating someone's spouse (rather than telling them you're rich when in fact you are poor, for example).  See this blog item on a recent California case.


Maybe some version of statutory?  I suppose they weren't unable to give consent, they were just dumbasses.
 
2013-01-31 06:00:57 PM

ArkPanda: Maybe some version of statutory?  I suppose they weren't unable to give consent, they were just dumbasses.


If being too stupid to give consent becomes a thing (when not legally retarded), people are gonna have problems.
 
2013-01-31 06:03:07 PM
That's gonna cause some interesting transubstantiation.
 
2013-01-31 06:03:40 PM

LordBollocks: FTA "Valdecir was caught red-handed while rubbing his penis in the face of a local merchant, which promised to make more sales in her business due to the divine liquid."

Seriously how farking stupid can you be?


You mean brilliant, right?

Stupid he got caught, but farking genius to have gotten it to work even a few times. Giant brass balls.
 
2013-01-31 06:05:27 PM

AdolfOliverPanties: I am repeatedly amazed at how farking stupid and gullible some people are.


Yeah, some people will swallow anything.
 
2013-01-31 06:07:46 PM
It's only semen until it transubstantiates.
 
2013-01-31 06:07:55 PM
This guy is a scumbag for sure, but im gonna side with the its not really rape crowd on this one. Although i guess if youre dumb enough to fall for this it could be like those episodes of law and order cases where having sex with a tard is rape because they cant really consent...

Also for completely unrelated reasons, how does one go about starting a church? And attracting cute female redheaded parishioners?
 
2013-01-31 06:08:16 PM
...pastor who claimed his penis had been anointed with the "Holy Spirit divine semen"

Well maybe so, but Dr. Who is the being who's come has time.
 
2013-01-31 06:08:45 PM
I've heard this one before. It ends with her kid killing Medusa, right?
 
2013-01-31 06:09:17 PM
Was it Reverend Peter North (his blessings be upon you, and the girl next to you, and the girl next to her, and....)?
 
2013-01-31 06:10:15 PM

Cyno01: This guy is a scumbag for sure, but im gonna side with the its not really rape crowd on this one. Although i guess if youre dumb enough to fall for this it could be like those episodes of law and order cases where having sex with a tard is rape because they cant really consent...

Also for completely unrelated reasons, how does one go about starting a church? And attracting cute female redheaded parishioners?


Hint: There the angel of the Lord appeared to him in flames of fire from within a bush. Moses saw that though the bush was on fire it did not burn up. So Moses thought, "I will go over and see this strange sight-why the bush does not burn up."
 
2013-01-31 06:10:38 PM
If he was diddling kids, that would be one thing, but I have zero sympathy for any adult who fell for this.
 
2013-01-31 06:10:46 PM

Jument: LordBollocks: FTA "Valdecir was caught red-handed while rubbing his penis in the face of a local merchant, which promised to make more sales in her business due to the divine liquid."

Seriously how farking stupid can you be?

You mean brilliant, right?

Stupid he got caught, but farking genius to have gotten it to work even a few times. Giant brass balls.


It sounds like he hit on the freakin' female police officer on the way to the station!

When we act Valdecir offered no resistance and even asked if I wanted to be part of the kingdom of heaven on the way to the police station

Those aren't brass - they're freakin' titanium.
 
2013-01-31 06:11:39 PM
According to the Pastor, "You have in your hands the servant of the Lord......I hope to continue my wonderful job within the prison"

offered no resistance and even asked if I wanted to be part of the kingdom of heaven on the way to the police station.

Valdecir [redacted] and was released.


Some great quotes from the article, with slight editing.

defends himself by saying that 'he had an encounter with Jesus in a brothel and gave him the mission of spreading the sacred semen throughout the state

Yeah, but that dude pronounced it as Hay-Soos, but there ya go.
 
2013-01-31 06:12:07 PM

ProfessorOhki: Cyno01: This guy is a scumbag for sure, but im gonna side with the its not really rape crowd on this one. Although i guess if youre dumb enough to fall for this it could be like those episodes of law and order cases where having sex with a tard is rape because they cant really consent...

Also for completely unrelated reasons, how does one go about starting a church? And attracting cute female redheaded parishioners?

Hint: There the angel of the Lord appeared to him in flames of fire from within a bush. Moses saw that though the bush was on fire it did not burn up. So Moses thought, "I will go over and see this strange sight-why the bush does not burn up."


Good stuff, good stuff... Can i offer you a Bishop position?
 
2013-01-31 06:12:33 PM
How do they know they didnt get salvation? Wont they have to die and see?
 
2013-01-31 06:13:11 PM

Jument: LordBollocks: FTA "Valdecir was caught red-handed while rubbing his penis in the face of a local merchant, which promised to make more sales in her business due to the divine liquid."

Seriously how farking stupid can you be?

You mean brilliant, right?

Stupid he got caught, but farking genius to have gotten it to work even a few times. Giant brass balls.


Actually I meant she was stupid. He however is a god amongst men.
 
2013-01-31 06:15:06 PM

Loucifer: As an Agnostic, I really can't 100% say he's wrong. I'm pretty sure it's bullshiat, but don't hold me to it.


As an atheist, I have to ask, how do they know he is lying?  Their whole religion is based on fairy tales and "faith" in things that are by definition unprovable.  Can they prove that God Jr. didn't come to him in a brothel and tell him to spread the "holy seed"?  I say that they can't and he wouldn't be much of a pastor if he refused to obey a direct order from God.  Of course I don't buy into the Psycho Daddy, Holey Hippy and Invisible Spook shtick, so I call him a rapist and say send the bastige to PMITA prison.
 
2013-01-31 06:18:07 PM
Didn't Jesus tell all the children to come on him? Stop sending mixed messages, Lord.
 
2013-01-31 06:19:58 PM
liner notes from Faith+1?
 
2013-01-31 06:20:15 PM

Slaxl: Okay, now this is a very delicate subject I'm going to broach, walking a fine line... but if you tell a woman you're something you're not so she has sex of some variety with you, is it really rape? Is rape not forcible? Fraudulent sex isn't really rape... or is it?


Even if the fraud thing shook out, isn't it considered sexual assault or sodomy or something not legally 'rape' since TFA makes it sound entirely oral?
 
2013-01-31 06:20:59 PM
farm5.staticflickr.com
 
2013-01-31 06:24:58 PM
This wasn't rape, but this also wasn't the case of someone having brass balls.  This person is mentally ill.  If you think the Holy Spirit blessed your spunk, and that for women to go to heaven they have to blow you, that's a considerable number of steps to the left of simply believing in God.

This dude needs a rubber-padded cell and a shot of Thorazine daily.
 
2013-01-31 06:25:46 PM
Talk about accepting the Host in your mouth!
 
2013-01-31 06:25:52 PM
"He has convinced us that only God could come into our lives through the mouth," says 23-year-old woman about pastor who claimed his penis had been anointed with the "Holy Spirit divine semen"

What a twist!
 
2013-01-31 06:27:35 PM

eastiowa: [farm5.staticflickr.com image 387x600]


Nice. +1.
 
2013-01-31 06:30:13 PM
How unbelievably stupid can those people be to believe that line of bullshort?
 
2013-01-31 06:30:48 PM
s17.postimage.org
 
2013-01-31 06:31:19 PM

Lollipop165: There are such stupid people on this earth.

 
2013-01-31 06:31:39 PM

This is my favourite part:




Denise Pinheiro, delegate of the region, said, "Valdecir was caught red-handed while rubbing his penis in the face of a local merchant, which promised to make more sales in her business due to the divine liquid.


How retarded are you if you believe that blowing a shady priest will bring good fortune to your business?

And it doesn't sound like rape. Fraud? perhaps. But not rape.

Boy, is Brazil full of retards. HUAUAUAUHUAHAUA
 
2013-01-31 06:31:52 PM
Slaxl:
"Okay, now this is a very delicate subject I'm going to broach, walking a fine line... but if you tell a woman you're something you're not so she has sex of some variety with you, is it really rape? Is rape not forcible? Fraudulent sex isn't really rape... or is it?"

Probably depends to what extent there's threats or coercion. Just lying about who you are isn't a crime in the us, as far as I know.

In israel, a palestinian guy was charged for lying to a jewish chick, saying he was jewish so she would bone him. Dunno the outcome of that case.
 
2013-01-31 06:33:50 PM
The article reads like it came out of Google Translate.


"Valdecir was caught red-handed while rubbing his penis in the face of a local merchant, which promised to  make more sales in her business due to the divine liquid."

His penis can talk? Maybe he's the real deal!
 
2013-01-31 06:34:40 PM

Diogenes: Geez...there must be better come-on lines than that.


You can't argue with success.
 
2013-01-31 06:34:56 PM
I can't even handle the fact that there are people out there that stupid.  My mind is boggling.
 
rka
2013-01-31 06:35:41 PM

Slaxl: Okay, now this is a very delicate subject I'm going to broach, walking a fine line... but if you tell a woman you're something you're not so she has sex of some variety with you, is it really rape? Is rape not forcible? Fraudulent sex isn't really rape... or is it?


In that case, that girl with the pushup bra I took home one night was very fraudulent.

/but maybe not rape rape
 
2013-01-31 06:37:25 PM
Some how I always imagined this 'God' person would be a lot less....salty.
 
2013-01-31 06:37:34 PM

Slaxl: Okay, now this is a very delicate subject I'm going to broach, walking a fine line... but if you tell a woman you're something you're not so she has sex of some variety with you, is it really rape? Is rape not forcible? Fraudulent sex isn't really rape... or is it?


Depends on how good looking you are.
 
2013-01-31 06:40:17 PM
According to the Pastor, "You have in your hands the servant of the Lord and do not regret it yet. I hope to continue my wonderful job within the prison".

Um...OK, sure, why not?
 
2013-01-31 06:40:23 PM
www.bakelblog.com
 
2013-01-31 06:40:44 PM

AdolfOliverPanties: I am repeatedly amazed at how farking stupid and gullible some people are.


This article is a hoax.   You were talking about farkers, not the women from the article...right...
 
2013-01-31 06:40:57 PM
When I was in grade school, one of my weird friends came up with a religion he called, "Jismism."

At first I thought maybe he'd moved to Brazil.
 
2013-01-31 06:41:38 PM
According to the Pastor, "You have in your hands the servant of the Lord and do not regret it yet. I hope to continue my wonderfuljob within the prison".

Yes, yes you will, probably not as much fun......
 
2013-01-31 06:42:49 PM

Slaxl: Okay, now this is a very delicate subject I'm going to broach, walking a fine line... but if you tell a woman you're something you're not so she has sex of some variety with you, is it really rape? Is rape not forcible? Fraudulent sex isn't really rape... or is it?


In the US I think there are laws against being in a position of power and abusing that authority for sex, sort of in the same line as teacher/student sex and doctor/patient sex. But in Brazil, who knows?
 
2013-01-31 06:45:47 PM

Macular Degenerate: Slaxl: Okay, now this is a very delicate subject I'm going to broach, walking a fine line... but if you tell a woman you're something you're not so she has sex of some variety with you, is it really rape? Is rape not forcible? Fraudulent sex isn't really rape... or is it?

In the US I think there are laws against being in a position of power and abusing that authority for sex, sort of in the same line as teacher/student sex and doctor/patient sex. But in Brazil, who knows?


Apparently there is a law on the books in some states about impersonating a spouse. There was a recent criminal case where some guy had sex with a drunk girl at a party who thought he was her boyfriend, and it seems that law was not relevant because it only applies to spouses.
 
2013-01-31 06:47:13 PM
I can't get a farkin date on a friday night and this joker is getting some primo tail all over the place.  I quit.
 
2013-01-31 06:51:38 PM
The Royal Penis is cleaned your Highness.
 
2013-01-31 06:53:35 PM
CRAP, you mean that actually WORKS?
 
2013-01-31 06:58:05 PM

Last Man on Earth: Slaxl: Okay, now this is a very delicate subject I'm going to broach, walking a fine line... but if you tell a woman you're something you're not so she has sex of some variety with you, is it really rape? Is rape not forcible? Fraudulent sex isn't really rape... or is it?

Not in this situation, no.  There's a distinction between what's called "fraud in the inducement," which is when someone is "tricked" into having sex under false pretenses ("I'm shipping to Afghanistan in the morning" kind of thing), and "fraud in the factum," which means someone is tricked into having sex when they don't know they're having it/think it's with someone else (posing as her husband in the dark, for instance).  In the first case, the "victim" knows they're having sex, understands all the implications, and consented anyway, so it's not rape.  That's what we have here.

There's actually a case, Boro v. Superior Court, where a guy called a woman up claiming to be a doctor.  He said he had the results of a recent medical exam, and she had a very rare disease.  There was a cure, but it involved either a very painful medical procedure or sex with a man who'd been dosed with a vaccine.  Supposedly the man's sperm would transfer the medicine.  The court found that while it was reprehensible, she fully understood and consented to the sex act, so it wasn't rape.


Interestingly it could actually be true, in theory anyway - for example allergens in Brazil nuts can be transmitted sexually, so presumably the same could be true of something with a positive effect I guess.
 
2013-01-31 07:00:48 PM
Subby thinks a man who is either a charlatan or mentally ill that dupes church goers into activity that smacks of sexual assault is COOL. Wow. And here I thought I was the biggest POS scumbag that I knew. Hats off to you, my sick & twisted friend. I place you high up on my mantle next to my other heroes, the Nazis.
 
2013-01-31 07:03:11 PM
so? my semen is divine too. any farkettes want a taste?
 
2013-01-31 07:04:05 PM

Day_Old_Dutchie: [s17.postimage.org image 750x600]

FTFY


4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-01-31 07:17:25 PM

rka: Slaxl: Okay, now this is a very delicate subject I'm going to broach, walking a fine line... but if you tell a woman you're something you're not so she has sex of some variety with you, is it really rape? Is rape not forcible? Fraudulent sex isn't really rape... or is it?

In that case, that girl with the pushup bra I took home one night was very fraudulent.

/but maybe not rape rape



What are you complaining about?One night I pull a tube sock out of a girls bra.....her twin brother's tube sock.I get four or five socks out only to discover who's really wearing the bra.And it damned sure wasn't who I was expecting.At least you had the real deal.
 
2013-01-31 07:20:01 PM
Wow this guy is great. I have to mix my semen into yogurt to get women to taste it.

/kidding
//or am I?
 
2013-01-31 07:22:47 PM
[picture from the story]

Looks like Steve Urkel is all growed up now.

/not posting picture of the pastor
//that's not allowed on Fark
 
2013-01-31 07:28:23 PM

Cyno01: ProfessorOhki: Cyno01: This guy is a scumbag for sure, but im gonna side with the its not really rape crowd on this one. Although i guess if youre dumb enough to fall for this it could be like those episodes of law and order cases where having sex with a tard is rape because they cant really consent...

Also for completely unrelated reasons, how does one go about starting a church? And attracting cute female redheaded parishioners?

Hint: There the angel of the Lord appeared to him in flames of fire from within a bush. Moses saw that though the bush was on fire it did not burn up. So Moses thought, "I will go over and see this strange sight-why the bush does not burn up."

Good stuff, good stuff... Can i offer you a Bishop position?


I see what you did there.
 
2013-01-31 07:30:16 PM

KrispyKritter: Subby thinks a man who is either a charlatan or mentally ill that dupes church goers into activity that smacks of sexual assault is COOL. Wow. And here I thought I was the biggest POS scumbag that I knew. Hats off to you, my sick & twisted friend. I place you high up on my mantle next to my other heroes, the Nazis.


Seriously -- how dumb do you have to be to think that sucking off the pastor is going to get you brownie points with God?
 
2013-01-31 07:34:49 PM
The only way to meet Jizzus is to suck my hot dog....if someone is dumb enough to believe that line....
 
hej
2013-01-31 07:38:59 PM
Not true at all. God only accepts anal.
 
2013-01-31 07:40:29 PM
Divine semen ejaculated into mouth.  STILL ALIVE
 
2013-01-31 07:41:06 PM
This gets the 'cool' tag?... meanwhile Farkers are outraged at a that boyfriend training app?...
 
2013-01-31 07:50:20 PM
occamswrist: Wow this guy is great. I have to mix my semen into yogurt to get women to taste it.
 
/kidding
//or am I?


http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/revolting/guilty-plea-in-yogu rt -semen-case-867593
 
2013-01-31 07:52:24 PM
Who gets to try and prove that he's wrong?
 
2013-01-31 07:53:19 PM
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
 
2013-01-31 07:58:04 PM
I'm starting a church.
 
2013-01-31 08:05:57 PM
wondered what happened to this dude
img.poptower.com
 
2013-01-31 08:11:11 PM
Mormons in the news again?

/dnrtfa
 
2013-01-31 08:13:17 PM

Warthog: Slaxl: Okay, now this is a very delicate subject I'm going to broach, walking a fine line... but if you tell a woman you're something you're not so she has sex of some variety with you, is it really rape? Is rape not forcible? Fraudulent sex isn't really rape... or is it?

You mean rape by false pretenses.  The law varies by state, and can be complicated, but I think tends to turn on impersonating someone's spouse (rather than telling them you're rich when in fact you are poor, for example).  See this blog item on a recent California case.


Keep in mind this happened in Brazil, and the laws over there are likely to be a lot different in terms of rape than they are in the US.. Depending on their laws, this could be considered anything from completely legal, to death by stoning.

Personally, I'd vote for just castrating him and letting him go.
 
2013-01-31 08:16:58 PM
If lying to have sex with women is illegal .... then put me in iron!
 
2013-01-31 08:17:14 PM

LordBollocks: FTA "Valdecir was caught red-handed while rubbing his penis in the face of a local merchant, which promised to make more sales in her business due to the divine liquid."

Seriously how farking stupid can you be?


I does sound like a plot from a '70s porn movie.
 
2013-01-31 08:19:33 PM
*takes notes*
 
2013-01-31 08:19:38 PM
Who's awesome?
m24digital.com
You're Awesome!
 
2013-01-31 08:19:48 PM

Slaxl: Okay, now this is a very delicate subject I'm going to broach, walking a fine line... but if you tell a woman you're something you're not so she has sex of some variety with you, is it really rape? Is rape not forcible? Fraudulent sex isn't really rape... or is it?


In Israel, a non-Jewish arab man was charged with rape by deception after had sex with a Jewish woman. He allegedly lied to her and said he was Jewish.
http://articles.cnn.com/2010-07-21/world/israel.rape.by.deception_1_ ap peal-plea-bargain-israeli-woman?_s=PM:WORLD
//hot like a race-segregated society
 
2013-01-31 08:20:25 PM
Amazing that this happened. I have literally been jerking off to this exact scenario since the day I turned 13. I wonder if he wore a leather luchador mask too.
 
2013-01-31 08:22:59 PM
"Often, after worship, Pastor Valdecir take us to some of the funds back to the church and asked us to do oral sex on him until the Holy Spirit comes through ejaculation".

In Brazil, the christers are horny!
 
2013-01-31 08:25:44 PM
How does this get a 'COOL' tag?
 
2013-01-31 08:29:39 PM

8 inches: Amazing that this happened. I have literally been jerking off to this exact scenario since the day I turned 13. I wonder if he wore a leather luchador mask too.


lol
 
2013-01-31 08:29:47 PM
The difference between rape and rapture? Salesmanship!
 
2013-01-31 08:32:09 PM

KrispyKritter: Subby thinks a man who is either a charlatan or mentally ill that dupes church goers into activity that smacks of sexual assault is COOL. Wow. And here I thought I was the biggest POS scumbag that I knew. Hats off to you, my sick & twisted friend. I place you high up on my mantle next to my other heroes, the Nazis.


 If i go up to a woman and tell her if she doesnt have sex with me the world will end, and she believes me and does, is it rape, or is she just an idiot?
 
2013-01-31 08:39:24 PM

Slaxl: Okay, now this is a very delicate subject I'm going to broach, walking a fine line... but if you tell a woman you're something you're not so she has sex of some variety with you, is it really rape? Is rape not forcible? Fraudulent sex isn't really rape... or is it?


I would say he might get off. (badumpum!)  From what I understand it's not a crime to tell someone you are an astronaut to get them to have sex with you.  That said, that could change depending on the mental capacity or age of the 'victim'.

It is illegal to pretend to be someone else under certain circumstances.  I remember a case where a woman had an online relationship with a man.  She arranged a real world hookup, without exchanging pictures.  The roommate answered the door and pretended to be her online boyfriend, and if I recall, that was considered rape.  There are apocryphal stories about identical twins switching it up without their partners permission, and that would be rape (although the DNA evidence would be a problem!)

Of course, rape laws very widely from place to place.  In a very religious society a pastor abusing the situation might in more trouble, since as a divine intermediary, there is an uneven balance of power, in the same way a boss telling a woman that he will fire her unless she sleeps with him could be rape.  Theoretically, you could cross those situations, and have a someone impersonate the boss and threaten to fire an 'employee'.  An implied threat can raise sex to rape.  I remember hearing about a woman in a cult who was taken into a room.  The cult leader went to the other room, brought a shotgun out, set it on the floor, and then made sexual advances.  He never threatened to use it, but the threat was implied.  For devoutly religious (and stupid) people a priest saying that his penis is the only way to salvation might rise to a threat.  That said, the article seems to imply he suggested the one woman at least, was doing it to improve the sales at her store.  He didn't appear to be threatening eternal damnation, just a divine blessing.

If I was his lawyer (I'm not a lawyer, but I watch someone who plays one on TV) I'd argue that:
A) It was a blessing and there was no threat of damnation, so the women were being compensated.
B) No woman is really that stupid, and that any women coming forward are just expressing 'buyer's regrets' because of religious shaming after it was revealed.  They wanted sexual contact.  Usually I abhor blame the victim defenses, but unless someone involved had more diminished capacity than 'being religious' I'm going to have to say it might be appropriate here.
C) He's crazy and he really believes his pecker is divine.  This nut job needs to get off.
D) He's not crazy.  His pecker is divine.  Who are you to say it isn't?
 
2013-01-31 08:43:25 PM
I seriously need to get in touch with this pastor.
 
2013-01-31 08:51:22 PM

Slaxl: but if you tell a woman you're something you're not so she has sex of some variety with you, is it really rape?


How do you know He is not what He claims to be?

Obvious? How 'bout all the other claims of religion?
 
2013-01-31 08:53:04 PM
Women will fall for this? Really?
 
2013-01-31 08:54:37 PM

Farty McPooPants: Who's awesome?
[m24digital.com image 500x335]
You're Awesome!


So Fark Admins, it's okay to post photos of pastors as long as they're male?
 
2013-01-31 08:56:17 PM

bratface: How does this get a 'COOL' tag?



How can it not?

encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com
 
2013-01-31 08:56:30 PM

AdolfOliverPanties: I am repeatedly amazed at how farking stupid and gullible some people are.


I've become to jaded over the years.

... and there's a sucker born every minute.
 
2013-01-31 09:05:35 PM
Moreover, if you're going to get down on your knees to receive an "anointing," Jesus is adamant that you have to swallow. It's in the bible.

After Jesus called the crowd to Him, He said to them, "Hear and understand. It is not what enters into the mouth that defiles the man, but what proceeds out of the mouth, this defiles the man." - Matthew 15:10-11
 
2013-01-31 09:10:44 PM

StoPPeRmobile: It's fraud, right? Since it's not official Jesus Love Juice?


Prove that transubstantiation is a lie.
 
2013-01-31 09:14:08 PM

ZzeusS: bratface: How does this get a 'COOL' tag?


How can it not?

[encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com image 288x175]


I read that in Archer's voice. Well played.
 
2013-01-31 09:16:49 PM

Jekylman: StoPPeRmobile: It's fraud, right? Since it's not official Jesus Love Juice?

Prove that transubstantiation is a lie.


I thought the onus was on the claimant. The other poster's job is not to disprove transubstantiation, rather it is on you to prove that it occurs.
 
2013-01-31 09:17:31 PM
Plagiarist.

That old rascal Rasputin convinced dozens of stylish ladies in Tsarist Russia that the Holy Spirit descended through his penis, and the only way they could obtain salvation was through having sex with him.

He knocked off p***y by the carload.
 
2013-01-31 09:18:39 PM

fnottr: occamswrist: Wow this guy is great. I have to mix my semen into yogurt to get women to taste it.
 
/kidding
//or am I?

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/revolting/guilty-plea-in-yogu rt -semen-case-867593


And, as police reported, she "said it tasted like 'semen.'"

Experience.
 
2013-01-31 09:19:30 PM

wedun: Slaxl: Okay, now this is a very delicate subject I'm going to broach, walking a fine line... but if you tell a woman you're something you're not so she has sex of some variety with you, is it really rape? Is rape not forcible? Fraudulent sex isn't really rape... or is it?

In Israel, a non-Jewish arab man was charged with rape by deception after had sex with a Jewish woman. He allegedly lied to her and said he was Jewish.
http://articles.cnn.com/2010-07-21/world/israel.rape.by.deception_1_ ap peal-plea-bargain-israeli-woman?_s=PM:WORLD
//hot like a race-segregated society


Actually that wasn't true. Israel has what is called "Rape by Deception", if you lie to a woman to have sex and it is determined that you wouldn't have had sex with them if not for the lie, then it is rape.

In that case he said he was Jewish, he was not. He said he was an Air Force pilot, never served. He said he was single, he was married. Now the western media focused on one of the three counts of deception, being the lying for being Jewish one. But when looking at the actual court documents, his jailing for 18 months, 6 of them for lying about Military service and 12 for lying about being married, and ZERO for lying about being jewish, which one judge claimed that she would have had sex with him regardless of that claim but not the other two. The other two judges (Three judge panel) said they were not sure of the Jewish one so they convicted on that account but with no jail time, and agreed with the first judge about the other two.

So the media lied about what he was convicted of and lied about the case. Do some better research, including the articles where they corrected their original false claims
 
2013-01-31 09:24:32 PM

planes: The difference between rape and rapture? Salesmanship!


24.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-01-31 09:24:55 PM

pxlboy: KrispyKritter: Subby thinks a man who is either a charlatan or mentally ill that dupes church goers into activity that smacks of sexual assault is COOL. Wow. And here I thought I was the biggest POS scumbag that I knew. Hats off to you, my sick & twisted friend. I place you high up on my mantle next to my other heroes, the Nazis.

Seriously -- how dumb do you have to be to think that sucking off the pastor is going to get you brownie points with God?


It's almost as though deeply religious people have trouble with critical thinking.
 
2013-01-31 09:29:17 PM
 
2013-01-31 09:30:29 PM

Slaxl: Okay, now this is a very delicate subject I'm going to broach, walking a fine line... but if you tell a woman you're something you're not so she has sex of some variety with you, is it really rape? Is rape not forcible? Fraudulent sex isn't really rape... or is it?


No. Fraud in the inducment is not a crime when it comes to sex. Half of the planet (both men and women) would be locked up if it were.
 
2013-01-31 09:34:53 PM

Flakeloaf: pxlboy: KrispyKritter: Subby thinks a man who is either a charlatan or mentally ill that dupes church goers into activity that smacks of sexual assault is COOL. Wow. And here I thought I was the biggest POS scumbag that I knew. Hats off to you, my sick & twisted friend. I place you high up on my mantle next to my other heroes, the Nazis.

Seriously -- how dumb do you have to be to think that sucking off the pastor is going to get you brownie points with God?

It's almost as though deeply religious people have trouble with critical thinking.


You might be on to something there.
 
2013-01-31 09:36:10 PM
I have not stopped thinking of a headline saying one of the following:
"COME SAYETH THE LORD!"
"BEHOLD THE SECOND COMING!"
"THE SPIRIT COMES UPON YOU!"
"The Spirit came upon many tongues"
etc.
ad infinitum
 
2013-01-31 09:42:15 PM
Isn't this how Japan was formed?
 
2013-01-31 09:47:18 PM
WHO IS STUPID ENOUGH TO BELIEVE SOMETHING LIKE THIS!?!?!?!

NO SYMPATHY!
 
2013-01-31 09:49:15 PM
If you're stupid enough to believe I say he wins and should be given a prize in honor of your retardedness
 
2013-01-31 10:02:46 PM
Jekylman: StoPPeRmobile: It's fraud, right? Since it's not official Jesus Love Juice?

Prove that transubstantiation is a lie.


It's silly. It's still wafers & wine after consecration, even though Roman Catholics insist otherwise. And, oddly enough, when folks with an empty stomach barf after Communion, they throw up wafers & wine, not human flesh & blood. The theological debates surrounding transsubstantiation and consubstantiation are a constant source of amusement to me.

The concept of transsubstantiation was introduced in in the 7th century, isn't really part of any Christian doctrine other than Catholic doctrine, and even then only about a third of Catholics buy into it. The other Christian faiths, as well as most Catholics, typically take that discussion as a metaphorical, not a literal, one. Catholic doctine indicates that transsubstantiation actually occurs upon consecration, not after consumption (emphasis mine):

Moreover, many of the early Church fathers make it very clear that, once consecrated, the sacramental bread and wine actually become Christ's Body and Blood. Ignatius of Antioch, Justin, and Ireneus, as well as Gregory of Nyssa, John Chrysostom, and Cyril of Alexandria all explained this mysterious transformation in their writings, and by the close of the seventh century, this doctrine was accepted throughout Christendom as the authentic teaching of the Church.

What's fun is watching folks confuse consubstantiation (the spiritual conversion of the Eucharist) with transsubstantiation (the physical conversion of the Eucharist) - gotta love ritual cannibalism. For folks squeamish about ritual cannibalism, the Church insisted that, even though it tasted, smelled, and looked like wafers & wine, it was substantially the actual flesh & blood of Christ. A lot of folks continued to balk at that really, really implausible idea, and lots of other Christian belief systems spin it as a metaphor. Luther, for example, coins consubstantiation.

Consubstantiation is more readily accepted by other Christians, and most Catholics (even though it's against doctrine) as it allows "wiggle room" - it's clearly bread & wine when consumed, so there must be a spiritual change, rather than physical change, upon consecration. Luther had what appeared to be a more logical approach to the Eucharist, even as he maintained the sacrament of it. But, Catholics are a stubborn lot.

To be honest, both concepts are silly as hell to me, but there you have it. It's easy to prove that transsubstantiation doesn't happen, harder to prove that consubstantiation doesn't happen, and pointless to argue about either. If you're Christian, eat the wafer, sip the wine, and adore Christ. The guy was awesome enough whether or not that particular miracle occurs, or to what degree, and so Christians should revere the practice as you see fit.
 
2013-01-31 10:02:52 PM
Well, death, like buttholes, is an exit-only thing. But Jesus came back to life, so... WWJD??.
 
2013-01-31 10:02:55 PM
upload.wikimedia.org
 
2013-01-31 10:16:17 PM

jedihirsch: In that case he said he was Jewish, he was not. He said he was an Air Force pilot, never served. He said he was single, he was married. Now the western media focused on one of the three counts of deception, being the lying for being Jewish one. But when looking at the actual court documents, his jailing for 18 months, 6 of them for lying about Military service and 12 for lying about being married, and ZERO for lying about being jewish, which one judge claimed that she would have had sex with him regardless of that claim but not the other two. The other two judges (Three judge panel) said they were not sure of the Jewish one so they convicted on that account but with no jail time, and agreed with the first judge about the other two.

So the media lied about what he was convicted of and lied about the case. Do some better research, including the articles where they corrected their original false claims


So you're saying they would have given a more severe punishment for lying about his Jewishness, but the evidence didn't hold up?

Or are you saying that it's no big deal if a supposedly democratic country hands out rape sentences for people who lie about being jewish?
 
2013-01-31 10:19:39 PM
What God Wants
God Gets
God Help Us All
 
2013-01-31 10:25:01 PM
I just have one simple little question-
DID THIS BROAD'S MOM SMACK HER HEAD REPEATEDLY AGAINST THE FLOOR WHEN SHE WAS A KID?
 
2013-01-31 10:30:10 PM

cynicalbastard: I just have one simple little question-
DID THIS BROAD'S MOM SMACK HER HEAD REPEATEDLY AGAINST THE FLOOR WHEN SHE WAS A KID?



Is that part of the Third Date BJ Preparation Questionnaire?  I'll have to add it in.
 
2013-01-31 10:32:23 PM

pxlboy: Jekylman: StoPPeRmobile: It's fraud, right? Since it's not official Jesus Love Juice?

Prove that transubstantiation is a lie.

I thought the onus was on the claimant. The other poster's job is not to disprove transubstantiation, rather it is on you to prove that it occurs.


If the claim is that it's fraud, then you have to prove it doesn't occur. Did he make a material false statement? Prove the material. Otherwise, it's His Word against yours.
 
2013-01-31 10:34:59 PM

Jekylman: pxlboy: Jekylman: StoPPeRmobile: It's fraud, right? Since it's not official Jesus Love Juice?

Prove that transubstantiation is a lie.

I thought the onus was on the claimant. The other poster's job is not to disprove transubstantiation, rather it is on you to prove that it occurs.

If the claim is that it's fraud, then you have to prove it doesn't occur. Did he make a material false statement? Prove the material. Otherwise, it's His Word against yours.


Works for me. So far, He hasn't yet shown up to argue His side of it. I win by default. It's a fraud.
 
2013-01-31 10:35:48 PM

unlikely: I wonder if he tips at Applebees


Yes, but just the tip.
 
2013-01-31 10:47:41 PM

Cyno01: Also for completely unrelated reasons, how does one go about starting a church? And attracting cute female redheaded parishioners?


It helps to be a mad man with a box.
 
2013-01-31 11:15:22 PM
deathbygeeksquad

"Uh, that would mean a majority of men at bars are rapists, and that women expect rapists when meeting guys at bars to the point of feeling awkward when they're talking with someone who isn't a rapist. "

isnt that why we drink?    haaaa
 
2013-01-31 11:33:09 PM
Wow, religious people are even more stupid than I thought.
 
2013-01-31 11:33:51 PM
I really can't work up any sympathy for anyone dumb enough to fall for this.
 
2013-01-31 11:42:01 PM
farm7.staticflickr.com
 
2013-01-31 11:45:34 PM
Hopefully there is no mention about what he did with his Holy Shait.
 
2013-01-31 11:58:51 PM
According to the Pastor, "...I hope to continue my wonderful job within the prison".

Yeah, I bet.   But I bet this time, he'll be the one getting anointed.
 
2013-01-31 11:58:53 PM
I've roleplayed like this, but Jeezus man, no one really believed that shiat.

Come before the altar(boy), genuflect and take the host.
 
2013-02-01 12:27:01 AM
It's cool as long as nobody spills it, right?
 
2013-02-01 12:35:37 AM
It doesn't?
 
2013-02-01 12:48:10 AM
Wow. I thought this kind of thing would only exist with people into religious sex role play. But I guess there really are stupid people out there.
 
2013-02-01 12:49:02 AM
I know, let's get rid of all guns.  We don't grow and manufacture cocaine in this country and look how much that has kept peolpe from getting their hands on it.  So, just like cocain, no manufactured US guns = a lot of guns in people's hands.
 
2013-02-01 12:56:25 AM
Was the Hero tag raptured or something?
 
2013-02-01 01:34:46 AM
If this caught on, it would make Sunday communion down at the Catholic church a whole lot more interesting.

/would even make xtube
 
2013-02-01 01:35:23 AM

Slaxl: Okay, now this is a very delicate subject I'm going to broach, walking a fine line... but if you tell a woman you're something you're not so she has sex of some variety with you, is it really rape? Is rape not forcible? Fraudulent sex isn't really rape... or is it?


It's rape in Israel, anyway.
 
2013-02-01 01:45:20 AM

Warthog: Slaxl: Okay, now this is a very delicate subject I'm going to broach, walking a fine line... but if you tell a woman you're something you're not so she has sex of some variety with you, is it really rape? Is rape not forcible? Fraudulent sex isn't really rape... or is it?

You mean rape by false pretenses.  The law varies by state, and can be complicated, but I think tends to turn on impersonating someone's spouse (rather than telling them you're rich when in fact you are poor, for example).  See this blog item on a recent California case.


Also known as "rape by deception" (or as least that's what Wikipedia calls it).
 
2013-02-01 01:50:00 AM
Maybe he thought she was a gnostic?
 
2013-02-01 01:51:05 AM

HellRaisingHoosier: If lying to have sex with women is illegal .... then put me in iron!


Gladly.
 
2013-02-01 01:51:54 AM
If getting chicks to sleep with you under false pretenses is rape, then there are quite a few guys who might be facing some prison time.
 
2013-02-01 02:13:55 AM

Slaxl: Okay, now this is a very delicate subject I'm going to broach, walking a fine line... but if you tell a woman you're something you're not so she has sex of some variety with you, is it really rape? Is rape not forcible? Fraudulent sex isn't really rape... or is it?


In California, obtaining sex by deception is illegal only if the woman is married.  Court decided that's what the law says just a couple weeks ago.  Woman was asleep, bf's buddy crept up on her, she thought it was her bf.  Not illegal.
 
2013-02-01 02:15:20 AM
LOL!  TFA has so many great lines I don't know where to start!
 
2013-02-01 02:18:12 AM
His crime was convincing women that only his sperm is holy.

img833.imageshack.us

/tasted ain't wasted
 
2013-02-01 02:20:46 AM

Cyno01: KrispyKritter: Subby thinks a man who is either a charlatan or mentally ill that dupes church goers into activity that smacks of sexual assault is COOL. Wow. And here I thought I was the biggest POS scumbag that I knew. Hats off to you, my sick & twisted friend. I place you high up on my mantle next to my other heroes, the Nazis.

 If i go up to a woman and tell her if she doesnt have sex with me the world will end, and she believes me and does, is it rape, or is she just an idiot?


Maybe she really does save the world.
 
2013-02-01 02:52:37 AM
media02.hongkiat.com
 
2013-02-01 03:52:34 AM
Wow. Even if hell isn't a real place this guy is still going there.

And the women ae going to the place for special needs souls.
 
2013-02-01 03:55:50 AM

Rabid Turnip: Loucifer: As an Agnostic, I really can't 100% say he's wrong. I'm pretty sure it's bullshiat, but don't hold me to it.

As an atheist, I have to ask, how do they know he is lying?  Their whole religion is based on fairy tales and "faith" in things that are by definition unprovable.  Can they prove that God Jr. didn't come to him in a brothel and tell him to spread the "holy seed"?  I say that they can't and he wouldn't be much of a pastor if he refused to obey a direct order from God.  Of course I don't buy into the Psycho Daddy, Holey Hippy and Invisible Spook shtick, so I call him a rapist and say send the bastige to PMITA prison.


And that's how I know your opinion is worthless. The only acceptable bigotry is secular bigotry apparently.
 
2013-02-01 04:30:15 AM
How are these people not considered legally retarded?
 
2013-02-01 05:21:04 AM
MylesHeartVodak:Yeah, but that dude pronounced it as Hay-Soos, but there ya go.

No, it's Brazil.   It's pronounced JAY-SOOS.   Portuguese not Spanish.
The J is a bit softer than English
 
2013-02-01 05:36:49 AM
So, can anyone prove that Sobrino Valdeci Picantos penis isn't a conduit for the divine semen of the Holy Spirit?
If the man says his sperm is divine, I say we should all drink it!
And anyone who questions the divinity of the Picanto holy penis isn't a true patriot. This is one nation under God!
 
2013-02-01 06:09:25 AM
FTA: Sobrino Valdeci Picanto, 59, was arrested in Apore, Goiás, Brazil, for raping...

(Cool) "He has convinced us that only God could come into our lives through the mouth," says 23-year-old woman about pastor who claimed his penis had been anointed with the "Holy Spirit divine semen"

[Smart] [Funny] [Punch Subby in the Babymaker]
 
2013-02-01 06:22:15 AM

SkunkWerks: FTA: Sobrino Valdeci Picanto, 59, was arrested in Apore, Goiás, Brazil, for raping...

(Cool) "He has convinced us that only God could come into our lives through the mouth," says 23-year-old woman about pastor who claimed his penis had been anointed with the "Holy Spirit divine semen"

[Smart] [Funny] [Punch Subby in the Babymaker]


Unless the "victims" involved are legally retarded that is not rape; that is using comedy to score.
 
2013-02-01 06:34:06 AM

wickedragon: Unless the "victims" involved are legally retarded

...

i742.photobucket.com
 
2013-02-01 06:54:21 AM
img8.joyreactor.com
 
2013-02-01 10:36:47 AM
I would hope this ends up in the Supreme Court as a definitive trial of whether there is or is not a God.
 
2013-02-01 11:47:58 AM
No one else bothered by the fact that there is apparently third world countries where women can claim rape for you lying on your SAT scores?

"Oh I would never had sex with him if I had known his cats name was "Snickers" and not "Smiggels"!!! He raped me whaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!"

The same goes for "impersonating" the significant other. So you have sex with your mates wife, he walks in on you, all of the sudden it's rape
because -of course- she thought it was him?

Remind me not to go to the crapholes that take "protection" to the next level.
 
2013-02-01 11:50:24 AM

ElGrande: No one else bothered by the fact that there is apparently third world countries where women can claim rape for you lying on your SAT scores?

"Oh I would never had sex with him if I had known his cats name was "Snickers" and not "Smiggels"!!! He raped me whaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!"

The same goes for "impersonating" the significant other. So you have sex with your mates wife, he walks in on you, all of the sudden it's rape
because -of course- she thought it was him?

Remind me not to go to the crapholes that take "protection" to the next level.


I'm still trying to figure out why "intent" apparently accounts for nothing in these posts.
 
2013-02-01 12:40:28 PM
Did some cum buckets complained about the Cool Tag?
 
2013-02-01 01:30:59 PM

FirstNationalBastard: O cum all in ye faithful.


FTFY
 
2013-02-01 01:35:49 PM
 
2013-02-01 03:11:59 PM

jaylectricity: Diogenes: Geez...there must be better come-on lines than that.

If there is, I've never thought of it. I've never thought of one that worked more than once and this one was working for quite awhile for him.


you remind me of my little toe... because I know at some point I'm going to end up banging you on a table.
 
2013-02-01 03:30:55 PM

calbert: [farm9.staticflickr.com image 640x361]


Heaven Help Us, right? Well played, sir.
 
2013-02-01 03:59:20 PM

BronyMedic: How are people this stupid?


These are highly religious people. They already believe it when you tell them an invisible man created the earth 5000 years ago, so telling them that Jesus wants you to mouth-fark them isn't that much more of a stretch.
 
2013-02-01 07:06:32 PM

MythDragon: BronyMedic: How are people this stupid?

These are highly religious people. They already believe it when you tell them an invisible man created the earth 5000 years ago, so telling them that Jesus wants you to mouth-fark them isn't that much more of a stretch.


It actually is, but don't let that get in the way of your irrational hate for religious people.
 
2013-02-01 07:54:31 PM

Novart: MythDragon: BronyMedic: How are people this stupid?

These are highly religious people. They already believe it when you tell them an invisible man created the earth 5000 years ago, so telling them that Jesus wants you to mouth-fark them isn't that much more of a stretch.

It actually is, but don't let that get in the way of your irrational hate for religious people.


Who says I hate religious people? Im nondenominational Christian. And I quite enjoy learning about other religions. When some Jehovas Witnesses came to the door, I talked to them for an hour. I just allow for a healthy amount of skepticism. Blindly believing everything that someone tells you despite scientific evidence telling you the oposite seems kinda stupid to me.

A force currently beyond our understanding affecting all the events needed to create life over millions of years doesnt seem impossible.

A sky-man saying "floating around the black for infinity has gotten boring, so um.. I know! *poof* life!" Not so much.

I think a little religion is a good thing. It gives you a reason not to go around murdering and stealing. Helps you not to be an asshole all the time. But if you jump off a cliff because you believe Jesus will save you since he loves you so much, you're a moran.
 
2013-02-01 08:52:59 PM

Mr. Toadcheese: calbert: [farm9.staticflickr.com image 640x361]

Heaven Help Us, right? Well played, sir.


you are correct.

*internet fist bump*
 
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