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(M24 Digital)   "He has convinced us that only God could come into our lives through the mouth," says 23-year-old woman about pastor who claimed his penis had been anointed with the "Holy Spirit divine semen"   (m24digital.com) divider line 199
    More: Unlikely, Holy Spirit, god, Pastor Valdecir, Holy Spirit divine, semen  
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22631 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Jan 2013 at 5:39 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-31 05:11:17 PM
Geez...there must be better come-on lines than that.
 
2013-01-31 05:15:29 PM
I wonder if he tips at Applebees
 
2013-01-31 05:18:15 PM
Okay, now this is a very delicate subject I'm going to broach, walking a fine line... but if you tell a woman you're something you're not so she has sex of some variety with you, is it really rape? Is rape not forcible? Fraudulent sex isn't really rape... or is it?
 
2013-01-31 05:21:40 PM

Slaxl: Okay, now this is a very delicate subject I'm going to broach, walking a fine line... but if you tell a woman you're something you're not so she has sex of some variety with you, is it really rape? Is rape not forcible? Fraudulent sex isn't really rape... or is it?


Caveat sexor?
 
2013-01-31 05:27:16 PM
O cum all ye faithful.
 
2013-01-31 05:27:33 PM
I am repeatedly amazed at how farking stupid and gullible some people are.
 
2013-01-31 05:29:00 PM

Diogenes: Geez...there must be better come-on lines than that.


This sounds more like a come-in line.
 
2013-01-31 05:29:30 PM
I have a mental picture of Jesus beating it at the Last Supper table and howling, "Swallow this in remembrance of me!" to the Apostles.
 
2013-01-31 05:30:20 PM

Jubeebee: Diogenes: Geez...there must be better come-on lines than that.

This sounds more like a come-in line.


You'll definitely remember taking Cummunion in his church.
 
2013-01-31 05:34:00 PM
www.turnbacktogod.com Eat this and rub member of me.
 
2013-01-31 05:35:14 PM
There are such stupid people on this earth.
 
2013-01-31 05:40:59 PM

Diogenes: Geez...there must be better come-on lines than that.


If there is, I've never thought of it. I've never thought of one that worked more than once and this one was working for quite awhile for him.
 
2013-01-31 05:41:26 PM
What, no hero tag?
 
2013-01-31 05:41:49 PM
i.ytimg.com
 
2013-01-31 05:42:39 PM
This reminds me of a horrible joke:


If you wake up on December 26th with a bad taste in your mouth; remember, Santa only comes once a year.
 
2013-01-31 05:42:44 PM
farm9.staticflickr.com
 
2013-01-31 05:43:22 PM
whitethreads.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-01-31 05:43:32 PM
It's fraud, right? Since it's not official Jesus Love Juice?
 
2013-01-31 05:44:09 PM
His nickname is Sir Psycho Sexy
 
2013-01-31 05:44:09 PM

Diogenes: Jubeebee: Diogenes: Geez...there must be better come-on lines than that.

This sounds more like a come-in line.

You'll definitely remember taking Cummunion in his church.


Parishioners are to kneel and pray "Thy Kingdom Come" until his kingdom comes.
 
2013-01-31 05:44:49 PM

unlikely: I wonder if he tips at Applebees


lol

"I give God 10 inches. Why should I give you 18??"
 
2013-01-31 05:46:42 PM
I was guessing Zimbabwe but the middle of Bumfark Brazil works too.
 
2013-01-31 05:46:46 PM
How are people this stupid?
 
2013-01-31 05:47:15 PM

xaratherus: unlikely: I wonder if he tips at Applebees

lol

"I give God 10 inches. Why should I give you 18??"


Ah, so he only gives the tip at Applebees.
 
2013-01-31 05:47:39 PM
FTA "Valdecir was caught red-handed while rubbing his penis in the face of a local merchant, which promised to make more sales in her business due to the divine liquid."

Seriously how farking stupid can you be?
 
2013-01-31 05:48:01 PM

AdolfOliverPanties: I am repeatedly amazed at how farking stupid and gullible some people are.


Not me. If people will buy the whole Bible thing, they'll buy anything.
 
2013-01-31 05:49:15 PM
Oh come ON ye faithful
 
2013-01-31 05:49:41 PM
FTA: According to the Pastor, "You have in your hands the servant of the Lord and do not regret it yet. I hope to continue my wonderful job within the prison".

You'll have plenty of chances to continue what you've been doing there in prison, pastor.
 
2013-01-31 05:49:59 PM

Slaxl: Okay, now this is a very delicate subject I'm going to broach, walking a fine line... but if you tell a woman you're something you're not so she has sex of some variety with you, is it really rape? Is rape not forcible? Fraudulent sex isn't really rape... or is it?


Uh, that would mean a majority of men at bars are rapists, and that women expect rapists when meeting guys at bars to the point of feeling awkward when they're talking with someone who isn't a rapist.
 
2013-01-31 05:50:33 PM
...and you thought Michael Jackson's version of Jesus Juice was bad.
 
2013-01-31 05:51:17 PM

Old enough to know better: AdolfOliverPanties: I am repeatedly amazed at how farking stupid and gullible some people are.

Not me. If people will buy the whole Bible thing, they'll buy anything.


After buying into a story wherein an all-powerful being creates a bunch of lesser beings, condemns them for acting according to the nature with which he created them, impregnates a woman to give birth to him as a mortal, then sacrifices himself to himself so he can forgive all his creations the sins they committed that he not only KNEW they could commit but that he created them with the ability to commit in the first place?

Yeah, "God told me to bukkake you," isn't that hard to swallow...

/Pun intended
 
2013-01-31 05:51:34 PM
This guy totally stole my go-to Sunday school lesson plan.

/come get your salvation kids!
 
2013-01-31 05:53:39 PM

Slaxl: Okay, now this is a very delicate subject I'm going to broach, walking a fine line... but if you tell a woman you're something you're not so she has sex of some variety with you, is it really rape? Is rape not forcible? Fraudulent sex isn't really rape... or is it?


You mean rape by false pretenses.  The law varies by state, and can be complicated, but I think tends to turn on impersonating someone's spouse (rather than telling them you're rich when in fact you are poor, for example).  See this blog item on a recent California case.
 
2013-01-31 05:54:30 PM
I swear this was one of the stories in the Decameron.
 
2013-01-31 05:55:01 PM

unlikely: I wonder if he tips at Applebees


He stiffs the waitress.
 
2013-01-31 05:55:19 PM
Having a hard time finding a "victim" in this scenario. In fairness I only briefly skimmed the article but it seems like the BJ's were passed out willingly so what's the problem? They're upset his spode didn't REALLY provide salvation? I don't think that sort of thing is covered by the law... you couldn't reasonably expect it to in the first place.

Caveat sextor as someone said above.
 
2013-01-31 05:55:53 PM
Only the really talented psychopaths make it big in religion, politics, and law enforcement.....
 
2013-01-31 05:56:28 PM
So, would it be the body of Jizzus Christ?
 
2013-01-31 05:56:36 PM
As an Agnostic, I really can't 100% say he's wrong. I'm pretty sure it's bullshiat, but don't hold me to it.
 
2013-01-31 05:57:54 PM

Slaxl: Okay, now this is a very delicate subject I'm going to broach, walking a fine line... but if you tell a woman you're something you're not so she has sex of some variety with you, is it really rape? Is rape not forcible? Fraudulent sex isn't really rape... or is it?


Not in this situation, no.  There's a distinction between what's called "fraud in the inducement," which is when someone is "tricked" into having sex under false pretenses ("I'm shipping to Afghanistan in the morning" kind of thing), and "fraud in the factum," which means someone is tricked into having sex when they don't know they're having it/think it's with someone else (posing as her husband in the dark, for instance).  In the first case, the "victim" knows they're having sex, understands all the implications, and consented anyway, so it's not rape.  That's what we have here.

There's actually a case, Boro v. Superior Court, where a guy called a woman up claiming to be a doctor.  He said he had the results of a recent medical exam, and she had a very rare disease.  There was a cure, but it involved either a very painful medical procedure or sex with a man who'd been dosed with a vaccine.  Supposedly the man's sperm would transfer the medicine.  The court found that while it was reprehensible, she fully understood and consented to the sex act, so it wasn't rape.
 
2013-01-31 05:58:26 PM
Dude's got game.


Keizer_Ghidorah: So, would it be the body of Jizzus Christ?


Ha!
 
2013-01-31 05:59:15 PM
It still isn't rape and should not be treated as such.
 
2013-01-31 05:59:46 PM
I'm coming, Jesus!

Iimages.wikia.com
/hot like a bottle of Ripple left in the truck.
 
2013-01-31 05:59:53 PM

Warthog: Slaxl: Okay, now this is a very delicate subject I'm going to broach, walking a fine line... but if you tell a woman you're something you're not so she has sex of some variety with you, is it really rape? Is rape not forcible? Fraudulent sex isn't really rape... or is it?

You mean rape by false pretenses.  The law varies by state, and can be complicated, but I think tends to turn on impersonating someone's spouse (rather than telling them you're rich when in fact you are poor, for example).  See this blog item on a recent California case.


Maybe some version of statutory?  I suppose they weren't unable to give consent, they were just dumbasses.
 
2013-01-31 06:00:57 PM

ArkPanda: Maybe some version of statutory?  I suppose they weren't unable to give consent, they were just dumbasses.


If being too stupid to give consent becomes a thing (when not legally retarded), people are gonna have problems.
 
2013-01-31 06:03:07 PM
That's gonna cause some interesting transubstantiation.
 
2013-01-31 06:03:40 PM

LordBollocks: FTA "Valdecir was caught red-handed while rubbing his penis in the face of a local merchant, which promised to make more sales in her business due to the divine liquid."

Seriously how farking stupid can you be?


You mean brilliant, right?

Stupid he got caught, but farking genius to have gotten it to work even a few times. Giant brass balls.
 
2013-01-31 06:05:27 PM

AdolfOliverPanties: I am repeatedly amazed at how farking stupid and gullible some people are.


Yeah, some people will swallow anything.
 
2013-01-31 06:07:46 PM
It's only semen until it transubstantiates.
 
2013-01-31 06:07:55 PM
This guy is a scumbag for sure, but im gonna side with the its not really rape crowd on this one. Although i guess if youre dumb enough to fall for this it could be like those episodes of law and order cases where having sex with a tard is rape because they cant really consent...

Also for completely unrelated reasons, how does one go about starting a church? And attracting cute female redheaded parishioners?
 
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