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(Gawker)   It's difficult out in the wild for a bro with nothing but a cheese knife, blowtorch, French press, gin, tonic water, axe to throw at logs and a little nylon island all to himself   (gawker.com) divider line 102
    More: Amusing, cheese knife, masculinity, Y chromosomes, Eagle Scout, islands  
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12376 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Jan 2013 at 5:06 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-31 07:02:31 PM

tcan: If this isn't a parody then I weep for mankind.Or a least for white urban males.


Hey, don't lump us all in with those.....whatever they are.
 
2013-01-31 07:03:30 PM
I love how he calls outside 'the Wild.'  And, you know, they're right next to a road.

"To wake up wet, cold, shivering, and warm ourselves by a fire the next morning."

I bet you'd feel better if you just did it right away.

"Each guy wasn't told what to do, but they found a job, they found a place where they could lead, a place where they could be responsible..."

You know who talks like that?  People with no actual responsibilities.  I'm the sole provider for a family of five.  That's responsibility.  Choosing where to lay out the artisanal cheeses so they don't soften too much because of the fire?  Yeesh.

"Contrary to the euphemism, man is not an island."

Well, someone doesn't know what a euphemism is.

Also, the verse in question, taken from Donne is specifically the opposite.  The bloody name of the poem is 'No Man is an Island.'  It also shows that he doesn't know his Hemingway.  He's not cultured, he just thinks he is.  He's the guy in Good Will Hunting who didn't get her number.  How do you like them apples?

"The craft cocktails and artisan foods."

That's how you get yourself tied in your sleeping bag and hung in a tree.

"We quickly realized we'd quickly become a Band of Brothers."

The men of Agincourt, Easy Company, and this pack of douches.  Jesus wept.
 
2013-01-31 07:21:23 PM
2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-01-31 07:23:05 PM

Ow! That was my feelings!: $3500. Three thousand, five hundred dollars to rent a glorified dirt bike and camp for 3 nights. This is the funniest shiat I've seen in a long time. Thanks theorellior!


The price tag is the real kicker. I didn't watch the video, but after reading the article this totally sounds like something I'd do to piss away a weekend...for like $150 tops.
 
2013-01-31 07:43:40 PM
I'll defend one (1) thing. I brought a stainless steel French press on a camping trip.

Good coffee is important to me. Whitewater trip, not backpacking. Threw it in the trunk.
 
2013-01-31 07:45:05 PM

Jim.Casy: Ow! That was my feelings!: $3500. Three thousand, five hundred dollars to rent a glorified dirt bike and camp for 3 nights. This is the funniest shiat I've seen in a long time. Thanks theorellior!

The price tag is the real kicker. I didn't watch the video, but after reading the article this totally sounds like something I'd do to piss away a weekend...for like $150 tops.


Probably get a discount because you wouldn't need a babysitter.
 
2013-01-31 07:49:35 PM
I don't think I've ever seen a video more in need of a smattering of inbred retard rednecks and a "Dueling Banjos" soundtrack.
 
2013-01-31 07:50:07 PM

Zeb Hesselgresser: I'll defend one (1) thing. I brought a stainless steel French press on a camping trip.

Good coffee is important to me. Whitewater trip, not backpacking. Threw it in the trunk.


Well your Mother must be very proud, Miss.

/I kid
//sort of
 
2013-01-31 07:51:03 PM

KWess: I love how he calls outside 'the Wild.'  And, you know, they're right next to a road.

"To wake up wet, cold, shivering, and warm ourselves by a fire the next morning."



Campgrounds make me nuts when people wake up and immediately build a huge campfire IN THE MORNING - WTF?  It gonna be nice and warm - probably even hot - in like three hours, and you gotta smoke everybody else out?
 
2013-01-31 07:56:18 PM
The author the article cleverly writes, "This is a group of outdoorsmen who put the 'Wilde' in wilderness..."

I wonder if the narrator would catch that 'euphemism.'

Snert.
 
2013-01-31 07:57:33 PM
I have deliberately skipped the comments so I can say this from an un-adulterated perspective...

FAKE, manufactured to draw attention.  Troll.  Viral attempt.  Freakin' "Ira Glass" wannabe narrating. Bullshiat.

/ heads upthread to see what everyone else thinks about this BS.
 
2013-01-31 07:59:43 PM

mprojekt: TheDirtyNacho: Ow! That was my feelings!: obamadidcoke: Is that real, or is it a Portlandia type parody.
'cause if it's a parody then it's pretty cool but if its real, man o man.

/that can't be real


Maybe, but having met more than my fair share of 'urban hipster-types' it's believable to me.  Whatever, I laughed.


Californians

Actually, the term is "city slickers." We tend to call them flatlanders, tenderfoots, and/or turkeys.

You can find them in every city on this dirtball. Texas has quite a few, as I recall. Seen 'em all over Houston and Austin, like ants scurrying around. New York City is chock full of them too.


While true, I can say that Texas (I'm from there) has its share of artisanal-cheese type of urban bohemians, generally they're graphic designers or, at its wealthiest, work in advertising.  Not wealthy enough to take this sort of camping trip.  New York definitely has its share of 'em from wealthy families, but not the landscape (or the desire).  Maybe hipster-yacht club would do well there though.

For this, California is where its at.  Where money meets the business school start-up who "loves the earth" but has never been to it, except maybe a guided african poverty tour.  This is where the idea of leaving your smart phone behind for 3 whole days sounds like roughing it. The weather is pretty mild and the landscape is pretty.  Definitely will spend the money to bring along the cheesemonger.
 
2013-01-31 07:59:56 PM

Ow! That was my feelings!: $3500. Three thousand, five hundred dollars to rent a glorified dirt bike and camp for 3 nights. This is the funniest shiat I've seen in a long time. Thanks theorellior!


they are spending $3,000 of that on beer......... right?
 
2013-01-31 08:00:01 PM

noitsnot: KWess: I love how he calls outside 'the Wild.'  And, you know, they're right next to a road.

"To wake up wet, cold, shivering, and warm ourselves by a fire the next morning."


Campgrounds make me nuts when people wake up and immediately build a huge campfire IN THE MORNING - WTF?  It gonna be nice and warm - probably even hot - in like three hours, and you gotta smoke everybody else out?



Heh, you're right. Plus, for more than a thousand a day I'd expect a tent that didn't leave me 'wet & shivering.'
 
2013-01-31 08:09:18 PM

RatOmeter: I have deliberately skipped the comments so I can say this from an un-adulterated perspective...

FAKE, manufactured to draw attention.  Troll.  Viral attempt.  Freakin' "Ira Glass" wannabe narrating. Bullshiat.

/ heads upthread to see what everyone else thinks about this BS.


//Concludes that Farkers may not be quite as realistic or cynical as I hoped.
///Reserves some doubt that there might actually be people who would do [in the video] and tell about it.
///Reserves the right to refuse their entry into my non-existent compound when the great accounting begins.
 
2013-01-31 08:10:35 PM

KWess: Zeb Hesselgresser: I'll defend one (1) thing. I brought a stainless steel French press on a camping trip.

Good coffee is important to me. Whitewater trip, not backpacking. Threw it in the trunk.

Well your Mother must be very proud, Miss.

/I kid
//sort of


yea, yea but you bastards drank it, didn't ya
 
2013-01-31 08:11:03 PM

busy chillin': keep that sh*t simple. a tent, some gear in a pack, good friends and a few beers.

SMH at this overwrought hipster camping


As somebody for whom camping usually involves a backpack and a long trail before I pitch the tent, skip the beers, bring a flask or two. Bourbon or a smokier blended scotch. If you want something a little more refreshing, take some of that water you just pumped out of a creek and turn it into bourbon and branch or scotch and water.
 
2013-01-31 08:13:02 PM
Ok, so I'm not too ashamed to admit to the internet at large here that once a summer I partake in a "man camp" of sorts, that involves car camping, drinking, smoking, drinking, a deep fryer, artisan foods, home brewed craft beer, a driver to take us to the strip club, etc.  Of course, it only costs $80 per person for two nights, not counting the hundreds blown at the strip club.  However, we already own everything for camping so there's no outfitting cost, and we aren't dirt biking, and we don't have a farking videographer.  $3500 is a little crazy, but hey if you're a trustafarian who doesn't own any gear and would never otherwise go camping, who am I to complain, I'm sure they had lots of hipster fun.
 
2013-01-31 08:18:27 PM

Zeb Hesselgresser: I'll defend one (1) thing. I brought a stainless steel French press on a camping trip.

Good coffee is important to me. Whitewater trip, not backpacking. Threw it in the trunk.


Yeah, you can do that on a float trip. I did the OA High Adventure trip in Northern Tier a few years ago, you should have seen some of the shiat that made it in our packs. And the food was real, not freeze dried. For a group of 9, there were 2 food packs and 1 pack of kitchen gear- all hitting around 90 lbs. We ate good.
 
2013-01-31 08:25:44 PM
Christ that was a lot of gear.  As much as I worship our national parks I'd probably throw myself off a cliff halfway through that Abercrombie and Fitch ad of a "roughing it" experience.  I still haven't been to Yosemite.
 
2013-01-31 08:26:15 PM
Hey, good for these guys, right? I mean their nerfed camping experience is keeping them from plunging over cliffs or becoming lost in the trees by the visitor's center. For a herd of lemmings like the "gentlebros" who will splash that kind of cash for an on-the-rails experience in the "wilderness", I would rather they be thoroughly supervised.

It's these kinds of dingbats that build out of control campfires (because bro, you NEED more wood on that!), or try chopping down live trees in managed campgrounds for firewood, the kinds of people who leave campsites and trails covered in trash... they deserve a chance to enjoy nature too, but like a 5 year old, they should do nothing without adult supervision.
 
2013-01-31 08:28:59 PM
  My wife works for a high end cosmetics company that has a men's line aimed at these types. She recently had a visit from the company president and she was very nervous about it. When he showed up he was wearing jeans, a flannel shirt with a sweater and work boots- your basic bear gear. She told him that it was refreshing to see an executive dressed so down to earth. Flash forward to the next day and my old lady is having lunch with one of the buyers from her store. She remarked how it was cool that the company president didn't wear expensive Armani suits like all the other execs. The buyer started laughing. Turns out she had also complimented him on his outfit the day before and he told her all about it. The sweater was hand knit from handspun wool in Ireland, the jeans were tailored on an old pattern for work jeans, and the work boots were made especially for him in Italy. The whole outfit cost $4-5,000!
  I don't want to be a part of this world any more.
 
2013-01-31 08:37:40 PM

cptjeff: Zeb Hesselgresser: I'll defend one (1) thing. I brought a stainless steel French press on a camping trip.

Good coffee is important to me. Whitewater trip, not backpacking. Threw it in the trunk.

Yeah, you can do that on a float trip. I did the OA High Adventure trip in Northern Tier a few years ago, you should have seen some of the shiat that made it in our packs. And the food was real, not freeze dried. For a group of 9, there were 2 food packs and 1 pack of kitchen gear- all hitting around 90 lbs. We ate good.


right on man, as long as I don't have to carry it up a hill, if it's useful, bring it
 
2013-01-31 08:43:08 PM

KWess: noitsnot: KWess: I love how he calls outside 'the Wild.'  And, you know, they're right next to a road.

"To wake up wet, cold, shivering, and warm ourselves by a fire the next morning."


Campgrounds make me nuts when people wake up and immediately build a huge campfire IN THE MORNING - WTF?  It gonna be nice and warm - probably even hot - in like three hours, and you gotta smoke everybody else out?


Heh, you're right. Plus, for more than a thousand a day I'd expect a tent that didn't leave me 'wet & shivering.'


It's probably the bedwetting that got 'em.
 
2013-01-31 08:47:56 PM
Actually, even in the big parks, when you get a mile or two away from the parking lots - all the douchebags magically disappear.

(Canada's parks are way nicer than the US tho - huge, nice campsites and FREE wood!)
 
2013-01-31 08:51:10 PM
  I'm in Florida- Fark Party Ocala National Forrest anyone? Seriously! The weather is awesome in the late winter/early spring season before the mosquitos get bad. There's lots of great places to camp near fishing, hiking and canoeing spots. If ya'll are too soft for the real woods there's a great campground at Ft. Desoto Beach Park in St. Pete also (not to mention great beaches, 2 fishing piers, canoe and kayak rental, etc. all in the park!).  Anyone interested?
 
2013-01-31 09:00:05 PM
You had me at Gin and Tonic.

www.cocktailtimes.com

/Swoon
 
2013-01-31 09:03:53 PM

theorellior: perigee: "No man is an island - yet every man has a little peninsula, and every man has a safe harbor. And we shared them with each other, under the starry sky..."

See, I know it's de rigeur to make gay jokes, but the whole group, setup and video were so bloodless I just can't see any of them indulging in homosex or any other similar activity. Things like that would mess up their artisanal stubble and matching chukka boots and might keep those rosemary-marinated prawns from going down properly.


Most likely it would just result in unrequited yearning
 
2013-01-31 09:18:09 PM
Do they teach you how to mix craft cocktails in SERE?

Also, the narrator has one of the douchiest voices it has ever been my misfortune to hear.
 
2013-01-31 09:34:36 PM

here to help: theorellior: fusillade762: Looking for bros to head into the woods and bond by fire, experience life as men once lived it, JO circle, and fire/vision quests.

I know "JO" probably means something very New Agey but I immediately parsed it as "jerk off".

No... you parsed correctly.


JO circle? I've always heard it was a circle jerk or 'cj'. Is this a West Coast colloquialism?
Why a CJ in front of a fire? That sounds blistery.
 
2013-01-31 09:41:18 PM

AbbeySomeone: here to help: theorellior: fusillade762: Looking for bros to head into the woods and bond by fire, experience life as men once lived it, JO circle, and fire/vision quests.

I know "JO" probably means something very New Agey but I immediately parsed it as "jerk off".

No... you parsed correctly.

JO circle? I've always heard it was a circle jerk or 'cj'. Is this a West Coast colloquialism?
Why a CJ in front of a fire? That sounds blistery.


Heh. The first one on this list wants someone to "JO" with him under a tornado.

The 8 Greatest Craigslist JO Sessions

And make no mistake: these guys are NOT GAY.
 
2013-01-31 09:42:19 PM

AbbeySomeone: Why a CJ in front of a fire?


Call me a prude, but...
 
2013-01-31 09:42:32 PM
i137.photobucket.com

watching them camp
 
2013-01-31 09:48:51 PM

fusillade762: AbbeySomeone: here to help: theorellior: fusillade762: Looking for bros to head into the woods and bond by fire, experience life as men once lived it, JO circle, and fire/vision quests.

I know "JO" probably means something very New Agey but I immediately parsed it as "jerk off".

No... you parsed correctly.

JO circle? I've always heard it was a circle jerk or 'cj'. Is this a West Coast colloquialism?
Why a CJ in front of a fire? That sounds blistery.

Heh. The first one on this list wants someone to "JO" with him under a tornado.

The 8 Greatest Craigslist JO Sessions

And make no mistake: these guys are NOT GAY.


Ok, so I should know better than to ponder this.
I will not watch the vid; it' s not gay if they're paid or certain positions don't happen, or somesuch.
 
2013-01-31 10:17:03 PM

unyon: DWTFV, but we eat like kings when we're camping.  There's nothing better than eating first class in inhospitable conditions.  And it's a treat to be able to pull out the iPad and catch that football game when you're fireside.  It's akin to Amish with internet.

/judge me all you want, I got this shiat dialled in


We eat like kings when we camp too. But we are slightly dirty, have lots of cold beer, dogs roaming the camp, and a pontoon boat. I watched the entire video (from a Gawker link) and the idea of that trip, with my friends, not a bunch of rich hipsters, sounds great. I'm from CA and it is indeed God's country. I had to share it with my husband, who hiked the Chilkoot a couple years ago and looked and smelled like a yeti when he was done.
 
2013-01-31 10:19:24 PM
By all that is holy, I refuse to believe that is real. Surely the food porn was a dead giveaway?

Please let it be not real.
 
2013-01-31 10:42:32 PM

fusillade762: The 8 Greatest Craigslist JO Sessions

And make no mistake: these guys are NOT GAY.


Oh dear gawd, that's some of the funniest crap I've seen in ages. Wonder if "free imitation crab meat" is some code or just a gateway drug into more "NOT GAY" encounters.
 
2013-01-31 10:46:25 PM
I am an experienced camper.

I know how to guard against bears, right a sinking canoe, gather food from the forest or fish for it, construct a shelter that will actually keep you dry, start fires without tinder, layer appropriately in four seasons, blah blah blah.

I am totally down with gin and tonics and a French press while camping. You have to have priorities, and liquor weighs less than the alcohol equivalent of beer. If you're driving up to your campsite or if you're staying at some shack in the woods, by all means bring beer, but if you have a day's hike with a pack, it's got to be liquor. Poured into a plastic bottle to lose a few grams of weight.

These guys sound like the ultimate douchebags but I have to defend the beverage options.
 
2013-01-31 11:44:20 PM

God damned pansy ass, incompetent hipsters.

"you wake up cold, wet, and warm up by the fire..." (paraphrased)

Sorry, but if you are waking up cold, wet and NEED to warm up by the fire...


YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG!


next time pack the right gear, wear the right clothes, and use a good waterproof tent that is properly setup.

I only awoke cold, wet, and needed to warm by the fire ONCE in my camping "career". And thats because I was a dorky kid that decided to touch the tent during a thunderstorm (cue the *drip* *drip* *drip*)  that we had no bidness being in a tent during. But dammit, Dad and I had fun. LOL.
 
2013-01-31 11:56:11 PM
Late to the comment party, all I have to say is this:
Go do the Baja 1000, you f*cking pussies.
 
2013-01-31 11:58:19 PM
Cool Story, Bros!
 
2013-02-01 12:21:22 AM
I usually don't condone woodlands hillbilly rape or the hunting of humans with a chainsaw, but this begs for an exception
 
2013-02-01 01:06:25 AM
HOW MUCH?

OHHHHHhhhhh

white folks problems
Sorry, didn't mean to intrude, I'll just go sit down in the cheap seats where I belong
christamighty
 
2013-02-01 01:55:36 AM
Nothing wrong with "camping" like this, I have done it a few times with good friends.  But, we don't brag about the time we heroically mounted Clingman's Dome via the Parking Lot Traverse.  Because that would make us douches.  I normally prefer something more primitive.
 
2013-02-01 02:14:10 AM

bobbette: I am an experienced camper.

I know how to guard against bears, right a sinking canoe, gather food from the forest or fish for it, construct a shelter that will actually keep you dry, start fires without tinder, layer appropriately in four seasons, blah blah blah.

I am totally down with gin and tonics and a French press while camping. You have to have priorities, and liquor weighs less than the alcohol equivalent of beer. If you're driving up to your campsite or if you're staying at some shack in the woods, by all means bring beer, but if you have a day's hike with a pack, it's got to be liquor. Poured into a plastic bottle to lose a few grams of weight.

These guys sound like the ultimate douchebags but I have to defend the beverage options.


Oh, for sure, on a backcountry trip of more than a couple of days, liquor is the best option (aside from abstinence, of course, Hahahahaha! Just kidding) (I once carried 6 liters of wine over a 3km portage. Never again.) But these guys weren't drinking liquor poured into collapsible plastic bottles - they were imbibing "craft cocktails." Also, tonic water has no place on a camping trip (or anywhere, actually.)

And French press, maybe (I bring an aeropress. I can go for days in a tent in the rain peeing in a bottle, but going without coffee is barbaric). But not a glass one.
 
2013-02-01 02:49:55 AM

CameraMonkey: I only awoke cold, wet, and needed to warm by the fire ONCE in my camping "career". And thats because I was a dorky kid that decided to touch the tent during a thunderstorm (cue the *drip* *drip* *drip*) that we had no bidness being in a tent during. But dammit, Dad and I had fun. LOL.


I did that once, too, also as a kid. I was about 10 at the time, and didn't pay too much attention to where I was putting my tent. The next morning, I realized that I'd done so in what turned into a minor watercourse in the deluge we had overnight, and the door (which was, of course, open in the pleasant evening air) was uphill. So the tent became a giant water bag, with about 3" of water on the floor. Yeah, I woke up cold and wet, and had to dry out in the family van. First, last, and only time for that particular brand of stupidity.

And, y'know, I've been doing things all my life without someone telling me what to do. If these dweebs need someone to tell them precisely what to do all the time, they've got problems that an overpriced bogus camping trip won't fix.
 
2013-02-01 02:50:21 AM

Zeb Hesselgresser: I'll defend one (1) thing. I brought a stainless steel French press on a camping trip.

Good coffee is important to me. Whitewater trip, not backpacking. Threw it in the trunk.


Stainless steel? Piker. Real white urban males that play at camping would never settle for less than titanium.

Places like REI have built their entire business model around supplying whatever pseudo-men are in that video.

/Rarely see more Subaru Outbacks and Volvos in one place than in an REI parking lot.
 
2013-02-01 03:02:57 AM

Diogenes Teufelsdrockh: /Rarely see more Subaru Outbacks and Volvos in one place than in an REI parking lot.


You haven't been to a Whole Foods? :p
 
2013-02-01 07:21:07 AM
And yet no one had mentioned Curly.

Huh....


/whereas these guys sound like they have a bartender
//NOT obscure
 
2013-02-01 07:33:55 AM
I would go camping, but my ancestors were camping before it was cool. <br/><br/>Hipsters anger me beyond anything, even religious nuts and vegetarians, not because they are young and naive, but because they find random things, act like they are cool, and include their smug doucheness in it. Grow up, shave, get a real job, and do something productive you farking losers.
 
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