A straight-up ripoff of Ken Jenning's new book. Jeez, they aren't even trying at TruTV.

You DO only get chicken pox once.  The misconception, if there is one, is that you ever get rid of it.  You don't.

Too bad they didn't have the courage to address the adage, "He who smelt it, dealt it."

Honest Bender: You DO only get chicken pox once.  The misconception, if there is one, is that you ever get rid of it.  You don't.

Shingles sucks.
I'm lucky. It's way down in my spine, so I get two little stripes across the top of my feet.Burns and itches l.like hell. I feel really bad for the people who get the big outbreaks across their backs.

//jesus I'm farking old

Who didn't know all of that shiat? I didn't know about the chicken pox thing though. I do know if you get the chicken pox you have the shingles virus and my mom got it and said it was farking horrendous. The assholes who hold parties to give their friends' kids chicken pox though need to get their ass kicked.

cretinbob: Honest Bender: You DO only get chicken pox once.  The misconception, if there is one, is that you ever get rid of it.  You don't.

Shingles sucks.
I'm lucky. It's way down in my spine, so I get two little stripes across the top of my feet.Burns and itches l.like hell. I feel really bad for the people who get the big outbreaks across their backs.

//jesus I'm farking old

If it makes you feel any better, my wife got it at the age of 26. Stress related depression of her immune system.

I had chicken pox as an adult. It was no fun at all.

The sex is better when you're married because it isn't just sex you are "making love"

I had chicken pox twice as a child, several years apart.

The following were surprisingly not on the list.

Dont worry its only a cold sore
The Check is in the mail
I wont come in your mouth

Honest Bender: You DO only get chicken pox once.  The misconception, if there is one, is that you ever get rid of it.  You don't.

Well, true in a way, I guess. I've two bouts of Chicken Pox, once as a child, once as an adult, as well as shingles. So the question is, was it the same virus twice, or another, slightly different strain? It was 40 years between bouts, so the virus could have mutated.

Other myths not listed:

You should get married
You should have children
Love is real.
You will find someone/there's someone out there for everyone
Happiness exists

You can't get herpes from a toilet seat.

If you swallow a seed, it can attach itself to your stomach lining and whatever plant it is might begin to grow inside you. If the plant is large enough, this can cause death or extreme infection.

If you miss even a trace of feces when wiping after a bowel movement, parasites attracted to the smell might crawl into your anus at night and hatch their eggs there.

Your brain can only handle a certain amount of spinning before it shuts down and you die. This number is different for every person. Keep this in mind next time you feel tempted by a merry-go-round

Every human being is only granted 6000 orgasms in their life. Use them wisely. Remember that a sneeze is basically a mouth orgasm, and they do count.

All women are 1 drink away from a passionate lesbian encounter.

If you fall asleep in a closed room where a fan is running, you will die from suffocation.

Most hand sanitizers contain extremely high concentrations of alcohol and can actually be lethally toxic to young children and the elderly.

Air fresheners will slowly, over time, erode your olfactory nerves and can cause nasal cancer. Plug-in air fresheners accelerate this effect.

If you sneeze and fart at the same time, your digestive tract will explode inside you.

Sometimes, if you shift your eyes quickly, you may see spots swirling across your vision. These are brain-eating bacteria trying to burrow into your skull. Remember to move your eyes every 10-15 seconds or they will find their way in.

You can't get pregnant the first time.

simplicimus: Honest Bender: You DO only get chicken pox once.  The misconception, if there is one, is that you ever get rid of it.  You don't.

Well, true in a way, I guess. I've two bouts of Chicken Pox, once as a child, once as an adult, as well as shingles. So the question is, was it the same virus twice, or another, slightly different strain? It was 40 years between bouts, so the virus could have mutated.

You never get rid of the virus.

Honest Bender: simplicimus: Honest Bender: You DO only get chicken pox once.  The misconception, if there is one, is that you ever get rid of it.  You don't.

Well, true in a way, I guess. I've two bouts of Chicken Pox, once as a child, once as an adult, as well as shingles. So the question is, was it the same virus twice, or another, slightly different strain? It was 40 years between bouts, so the virus could have mutated.

You never get rid of the virus.

I know. But what if I now have 2 strains?

Pocket Ninja: If you swallow a seed, it can attach itself to your stomach lining and whatever plant it is might begin to grow inside you. If the plant is large enough, this can cause death or extreme infection.

If you miss even a trace of feces when wiping after a bowel movement, parasites attracted to the smell might crawl into your anus at night and hatch their eggs there.

Your brain can only handle a certain amount of spinning before it shuts down and you die. This number is different for every person. Keep this in mind next time you feel tempted by a merry-go-round

Every human being is only granted 6000 orgasms in their life. Use them wisely. Remember that a sneeze is basically a mouth orgasm, and they do count.

All women are 1 drink away from a passionate lesbian encounter.

If you fall asleep in a closed room where a fan is running, you will die from suffocation.

Most hand sanitizers contain extremely high concentrations of alcohol and can actually be lethally toxic to young children and the elderly.

Air fresheners will slowly, over time, erode your olfactory nerves and can cause nasal cancer. Plug-in air fresheners accelerate this effect.

If you sneeze and fart at the same time, your digestive tract will explode inside you.

Sometimes, if you shift your eyes quickly, you may see spots swirling across your vision. These are brain-eating bacteria trying to burrow into your skull. Remember to move your eyes every 10-15 seconds or they will find their way in.

They aren't? NOOOOOOOOOo

ColSanders: You don't cook spaghetti in a pressure cooker.

[www.sitcomsonline.com image 640x480]

He also works for "Men can't be raped."

Pocket Ninja: If you swallow a seed, it can attach itself to your stomach lining and whatever plant it is might begin to grow inside you. If the plant is large enough, this can cause death or extreme infection.

If you miss even a trace of feces when wiping after a bowel movement, parasites attracted to the smell might crawl into your anus at night and hatch their eggs there.

Your brain can only handle a certain amount of spinning before it shuts down and you die. This number is different for every person. Keep this in mind next time you feel tempted by a merry-go-round

Every human being is only granted 6000 orgasms in their life. Use them wisely. Remember that a sneeze is basically a mouth orgasm, and they do count.

All women are 1 drink away from a passionate lesbian encounter.

If you fall asleep in a closed room where a fan is running, you will die from suffocation.

Most hand sanitizers contain extremely high concentrations of alcohol and can actually be lethally toxic to young children and the elderly.

Air fresheners will slowly, over time, erode your olfactory nerves and can cause nasal cancer. Plug-in air fresheners accelerate this effect.

If you sneeze and fart at the same time, your digestive tract will explode inside you.

Sometimes, if you shift your eyes quickly, you may see spots swirling across your vision. These are brain-eating bacteria trying to burrow into your skull. Remember to move your eyes every 10-15 seconds or they will find their way in.

All any lesbian needs to straighten her out is a good deep dicking.

Three Biggest Lies
- DAC

/NSFW

When the eye doctor asks you which better, one or two, he's secretly disappointed that you can't figure out that the answer is always two.

"Wear A Hat - It'll Keep Your Body Heat Inside"

It may not be great for staying warm, but it will help you keep your ears from getting frostbitten.  And that is a predicament that you do not want to be in, because your ears will never be that same after.

vernonFL: You can't get herpes from a toilet seat.

You can if the last guy hasn't gotten up yet.

Ahhh yes. Having had Shingles I can attest to the absolute horror that is the chicken pox. The drug cocktail I took 6 weeks before going to Ghana made my immune system almost non-existent and within a week I had the most painful experience I've ever felt throughout my chest. Shingles sucks. Whats worse is that even today - 10 years later - I sometimes get an excruciating nerve pain along the cone of death where the shingles were.

fark you chicken pox.

simplicimus: Honest Bender: simplicimus: Honest Bender: You DO only get chicken pox once.  The misconception, if there is one, is that you ever get rid of it.  You don't.

Well, true in a way, I guess. I've two bouts of Chicken Pox, once as a child, once as an adult, as well as shingles. So the question is, was it the same virus twice, or another, slightly different strain? It was 40 years between bouts, so the virus could have mutated.

You never get rid of the virus.

I know. But what if I now have 2 strains?

Don't be an asshole, grippy tape.

NuttierThanEver: The sex is better when you're married because it isn't just sex you are "making love"

Yea that's totally a lie.  I'm sure my wife would agree.

One way to get chicken pox more than once...

Honest Bender: simplicimus: Honest Bender: simplicimus: Honest Bender: You DO only get chicken pox once.  The misconception, if there is one, is that you ever get rid of it.  You don't.

Well, true in a way, I guess. I've two bouts of Chicken Pox, once as a child, once as an adult, as well as shingles. So the question is, was it the same virus twice, or another, slightly different strain? It was 40 years between bouts, so the virus could have mutated.

You never get rid of the virus.

I know. But what if I now have 2 strains?

Don't be an asshole, grippy tape.

Don't be silly. There are no assholes on FARK.