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(Yahoo)   Abusing your girlfriend is vile and disgusting and isn't even a joke. Abusing your boyfriend? There's an app for that, but it's cute so it's ok   (games.yahoo.com) divider line 321
    More: Stupid, mobile apps, Kid 'n Play, boyfriends  
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20493 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Jan 2013 at 4:04 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-31 08:23:12 PM

Spindle: Currently in the process of divorcing my wife after an emotionally abusive relationship.  Go ahead and call me a pussy, I've been emasculated for a very long time.

It's kind of telling when most people respond to you saying you're getting a divorce with "Good for you" and "I can't believe you held out so long."



Usually I'm just a dickbag on fark.  But I really do hope you're doing better.  Abuse is bad for everyone, and you didn't deserve it and don't need it.  Take care.
 
2013-01-31 08:38:56 PM

tgambitg: My ex-wife was diagnosed Paranoid-Schizophrenic with Violent Tendencies about a year after we got married. Which when it came time to renew, cost me a security clearance. Apparently being married to someone with diagnosed mental health issues is a big concern.


Huh, I wonder why. Maybe they think she could be manipulated by a 3rd party into getting information out of you.

WhippingBoy: I know. These things are easier said than done. Last time I "pushed" her, she threatened to leave and take our children with her. She's their primary caregiver, so I wouldn't stand a snowball's chance in hell to get custody.


If there's true abuse to you and you can prove it, maybe you have a case to gain custody anyway. Especially if it extends to the kids. Just start discreetly documenting it for a few months, or something. Also maybe you can slowly and quietly take over more kid duties before taking action.

But if you can't actually show any of that, then I dunno, I've never dealt with that or even seen a friend deal with it :(

Don't stick your dick in crazy
(sorry couldn't resist - good luck to you man)
 
2013-01-31 08:43:23 PM

Canned Tamales: Spindle: Currently in the process of divorcing my wife after an emotionally abusive relationship.  Go ahead and call me a pussy, I've been emasculated for a very long time.

It's kind of telling when most people respond to you saying you're getting a divorce with "Good for you" and "I can't believe you held out so long."


Usually I'm just a dickbag on fark.  But I really do hope you're doing better.  Abuse is bad for everyone, and you didn't deserve it and don't need it.  Take care.


This is what I like about Fark.  Every once in a while there's a thread that makes the dickbags drop the dickbaggery for a while.
 
2013-01-31 09:59:56 PM
That gender study someone (I'm not scrolling back...at work and lazy) must have some discrepancies.

CSB/ I got the living hell kicked out of me (he was an in-the-closet drug addict. Surprise!). I sirprised him by coming back for a cell phone charger while he was in the process of using a drug (not one of the fun ones). He got pissed and had his arm over my neck choking me and my chin was kind of stuck near his wrist where I could bite him.

Bam. Mutual combat. I could't file charges. We were both determined aggressors because I bit him.

/CSB

But the point of the aforementioned blathering is the question; would I be part of that statistic as one who commits domestic abuse?
 
2013-01-31 10:10:53 PM

torusXL: tgambitg: My ex-wife was diagnosed Paranoid-Schizophrenic with Violent Tendencies about a year after we got married. Which when it came time to renew, cost me a security clearance. Apparently being married to someone with diagnosed mental health issues is a big concern.

Huh, I wonder why. Maybe they think she could be manipulated by a 3rd party into getting information out of you.


That's how it was explained to me by the investigating officer... off the books of course. They don't really tell you WHY, just that 'it is what it is'... Thankfully the current girlfriend is quite sane and grounded in reality. And a lot better in about every area than the ex. So there's that.
 
2013-01-31 10:29:48 PM

Nemo's Brother: jaylectricity: You used to be able to sell your daughter for a couple of goats. Karma is a biatch.

This is how of liberals actually think v


I'll just have to take your word for it. Sounds like you hang out with them more than I do. I have no idea how liberals think.
 
2013-02-01 12:04:13 AM
You see, women haven't been nice to me for my entire life, so it's totally ok that I like to abduct and dismember prostitutes. It is just Karma.
 
2013-02-01 12:27:56 AM

megarian: That gender study someone (I'm not scrolling back...at work and lazy) must have some discrepancies.

CSB/ I got the living hell kicked out of me (he was an in-the-closet drug addict. Surprise!). I sirprised him by coming back for a cell phone charger while he was in the process of using a drug (not one of the fun ones). He got pissed and had his arm over my neck choking me and my chin was kind of stuck near his wrist where I could bite him.

Bam. Mutual combat. I could't file charges. We were both determined aggressors because I bit him.

/CSB

But the point of the aforementioned blathering is the question; would I be part of that statistic as one who commits domestic abuse?


No. You'd both be in the second tier pie as "Reciprocal IPV" which doesn't address who commits it. The sex-split pie is only for the instances where it wasn't mutual combat. Like Bondith said, the graph probably just indicates that, when attacked by the opposite sex, men are less likely to defend themselves.
 
2013-02-01 12:48:17 AM

tgambitg: torusXL: tgambitg: My ex-wife was diagnosed Paranoid-Schizophrenic with Violent Tendencies about a year after we got married. Which when it came time to renew, cost me a security clearance. Apparently being married to someone with diagnosed mental health issues is a big concern.

Huh, I wonder why. Maybe they think she could be manipulated by a 3rd party into getting information out of you.

That's how it was explained to me by the investigating officer... off the books of course. They don't really tell you WHY, just that 'it is what it is'... Thankfully the current girlfriend is quite sane and grounded in reality. And a lot better in about every area than the ex. So there's that.


Yeah, them Russian lady spies are highly trained.  ;-)
 
2013-02-01 02:11:09 AM
I see a lot of CSBs and stuff about how police don't arrest abusive women.  If they don't, then it's either a matter of local PD/Sheriff policy or a matter of a cop ignoring the established policy.  If you know someone who is being abused by an intimate partner (male or female) and a responding officer did not act, then you owe it to your friend to be their ally and advocate.  Help offer ways to get them out of the situation; their immediate safety must come first.  Then go to the police station or sheriff's office and try to find out if it was a bad policy or a bad officer.

If their policy calls for the arrest of the abuser in question and the officer didn't act, encourage your friend to file a report against the officer.  If their policy doesn't call for the arrest, then you should probably start lobbying your local officials to fix that problem.  If further abuse resulted from inaction due to a bad department policy, your friend may want to talk to a lawyer experienced in lawsuits against police.  It won't undo the abuse, but a good lawsuit for a bad policy can often light a fire under some asses to fix the problem.

In most states, the law defines domestic violence broadly, as an offense by one member of a household (current or past) against another.  It does not specify gender or relationship; it can include past or present spouses, individuals who have children together, parents and their children.  Offenses of this category usually include any felony, as well as battery, assault, stalking, vandalism, trespassing or unlawful restraint.

As mentioned by many before in this thread, a lot of guys in abusive relationships don't speak up because they believe they won't be taken seriously.  If you want that to change, it's not gonna change by itself.  It's up to people who care, to stand up and say that abuse is unacceptable in every case.  If more people stand up, speak out and fight at the local and state levels for changes in policy, then it'll encourage people to report abuse because they'll know they will be taken seriously and that they won't be alone.

/criminologist
//abuse is a lot more widespread than people think
///abuse thrives on isolating and disempowering the victim
////so be there for them and work to empower them
 
2013-02-01 06:25:38 AM

BarkingUnicorn: I'm saying that even without the cooperation of corpses, homicides get prosecuted.


And, as I said, they actually get more cooperation from corpses than some victims, who irrationally shield their abusers... They can autopsy a corpse and determine cause of death; they can lift fingerprints, bite marks, tool marks, foreign DNA, etc. off of the corpse to use as evidence against the killer... They can't do any of this with a living victim against their will... (Well, hopefully they wouldn't autopsy a living victim in any case!) The challenge is a lot harder in the case of a living victim who refuses to cooperate... Not only do they still have no victim testimony (just as in the murder case), but now they also have no physical evidence, because the victim refuses to let them examine their body and collect it... The challenge is similar to that of prosecuting a murder without a dead body at all... And, you'll notice they tend to have a very hard time at that, as well...
 
2013-02-01 07:54:28 AM

Slaxl: That's right they wouldn't have approved it, but my main point was that it doesn't promote violence in one way or the other, so let this app go, watch the violence rates remain the same, then we can talk about other causes, because it sure as hell isn't a game.


Your correct in that video games don't promote real world violence. My point is that Apple never would have approved this app if the roles were reversed and to speak up about domestic violence abuse against men. Things that further encourage the double standard in this country and other countries on domestic abuse need to named and shamed.

Men can only be stigmatized by domestic abuse by women for as long as we allow ourselves to be. Since I was a victim of domestic abuse I feel the need to speak up about it and refuse to be stigmatized by it and try to encourage other men to get out of bad relationships. Notably I have previously spent years trying to help (and often failing) women I personally know to get out of abusive domestic relationships with men. I'm not anti-women, I'm anti-domestic abuse.
 
2013-02-01 09:08:13 AM

xxdangerbobxx: untaken_name: xxdangerbobxx: As we live in a patriarchal society, I fail to see the obvious flaw in this (crude) statement.

Actually, by law, we do not.

Oh, well, if the law says it, it must be true.


There must be a standard somewhere, otherwise everything and nothing is true. I don't think you even know what a patriarchy is. Did your dad arrange your marriage? Does your mother, sister, or any other female relative own anything of her own? Did you ever hear of a woman who rented her own apartment? Are you dumb?
 
2013-02-01 09:20:54 AM

RobSeace: CapeFearCadaver: The police can and will press charges themselves against an abuser if there are visible injuries/witnesses for the specific reason so that the abused doesn't have to.

Witnesses are one thing: there you have someone willing to present evidence, at least... But, if it's just the victim who refuses to do so, and insists on lying by saying the injuries were self-inflicted or accidental or whatever, I'm not sure how the cops can be expected to compel them into making their case for them... Yes, they should absolutely do everything they can to convince the suspected victim of willingly cooperating...


You're not hearing me. It does indeed happen.

But, if ultimately they refuse to cooperate, I fail to see how one can blame law enforcement or "civilization" as a whole for somehow failing to take down the suspected abuser anyway...

And I never blamed anyone.
 
2013-02-01 09:41:22 AM

CapeFearCadaver: You're not hearing me. It does indeed happen.


What happens? Cops convince a victim to testify? Of course it happens! I don't know where you got the idea that anyone, let alone me, thought otherwise... But, they're not always successful in doing so 100% of the time, are they? And, I'm sure in some of those cases of failure, there's a lot more they could've done to try to convince them... But, I don't think that's always necessarily the case, either...

And I never blamed anyone.

No, but the person I was originally replying to certainly did... It was supposedly a failure of civilization in general, and law enforcement in particular, that not every single abuser is brought to justice... It's certainly a tragedy, and it would be nice if we could really do it, but short of cops obtaining psychic powers (which are allowed as evidence in court), I don't see how it's possible in reality... Can they maybe do more in many cases? Sure! But, at some point, there's a limit to how much they can do without trodding on the suspected victim's own rights...
 
2013-02-01 10:34:54 AM

ProfessorOhki: ciberido: PsiChick: I sound fat:

I'm going to try to say this without being condescending or insensitive.  It will be hard.

Tip:  If your woman is abusing you, LEAVE.  You don't have to fight back (lord god, dont do that, you will go to jail) or care if she loves you back or not.  You are a MAN, you most likely have the ability to get a minimum wage job and a studio apartment.   If not, sleeping behind the dumpster is a whole lot easier on men then women, and preferable to being afraid of your girl.   I dont get this at ALL.

Except that a huge part of abusive relationships is brainwashing. It's the same reason women don't leave relationships where men abuse them; the abusive partner, not always intentionally, brainwashes them into believing they deserve it, or it's not that bad. And it definitely doesn't help that society's decided men just cannot POSSIBLY be victimized so they must be faking it.

Abuse victims often can't leave. Sometimes there's a financial or other reason, but sometimes it's just because they're psychologically trapped. It's the same for female-on-male abuse as it is for male-on-female. Trying to be 'tough love' on abuse victims is like trying to make two solid objects occupy the same space and time--it shows a fundamental misunderstanding of what you're trying to accomplish.


There's this whole thing called gaslighting which, among other things, is used to mean basically brainwashing an abuse victim into believing she isn't really being abused.

This post chain is popcorn gold. Starts off with a man being the victim of "his woman" (lol, possessive undertones) and three posts later the generic victim being discussed has become female.

If there's one thing Fark has, it's a wide cast of characters.


I don't mean to be defensive, but in case I haven't been sufficiently clear earlier in this thread, I'm firmly in the "abuse is abuse" camp, acknowledging that the victim can be male or female and the perpetrator also can be male or female.

Again, not trying to attack you or be defensive; I just want to be clear about where I stand.
 
2013-02-01 10:40:44 AM

MsIndy: Egoy3k: ciberido: Egoy3k: MsIndy: CSB time. I am at a university, and occasionally students are hired to work at a lab where heavy machinery is used. After complaining to one of the professors about the clear bias towards hiring males for the heavy machinery jobs and ignoring women's applications, I was told "They used to hire women, but they didn't work out. They tried, that's not good enough?" He found it perfectly acceptable that an entire class of people had been dismissed out of hand for what were either a few bad eggs or poor hiring decisions. Substitute "black", "Turkish", or any other minority and I'm sure he would find that appalling, but "women." Yeah, they just didn't work out. Nevermind that I'm actually certified to drive a forklift and I restore old cars for fun, I clearly don't deserve to be judged on my own merits.

It would be just fine if Black or Turkish people had a known history of being shiatty at operating heavy machinery and had caused a disproportionate number of accidents and or near misses. Since the are no real differences between races (race isn't even a real thing) and we happen to be a species with a fair degree of sexual dimorphism I would say that judging a person based on their sex is much more correct than judging someone based on their 'race'.

So you have some sort of study at hand which proves that women are worse than men at operating heavy machinery, do you?

I don't need one. I'm not asserting that they are. The professor in the story was either being dishonest or had a personal history of having issues with females and heavy machinery. Talk to him not me.

The issue is that if "Bob" screws up while driving a forklift, he's an idiot. If a woman screws up while driving a forklift, all women are bad at driving a forklift. You really don't see the difference? Hint: the issue isn't women's capability for driving forklifts...


imgs.xkcd.com
Something like this?
 
2013-02-01 12:20:32 PM

tgambitg: My ex-wife was diagnosed Paranoid-Schizophrenic with Violent Tendencies about a year after we got married. Which when it came time to renew, cost me a security clearance. Apparently being married to someone with diagnosed mental health issues is a big concern.


It depends on the issue: there are rules about this sort of thing. Same goes if you have the issue yourself. But that particular issue would indeed throw a big red flag.
 
2013-02-01 06:15:53 PM

tgambitg: torusXL: tgambitg: My ex-wife was diagnosed Paranoid-Schizophrenic with Violent Tendencies about a year after we got married. Which when it came time to renew, cost me a security clearance. Apparently being married to someone with diagnosed mental health issues is a big concern.

Huh, I wonder why. Maybe they think she could be manipulated by a 3rd party into getting information out of you.

That's how it was explained to me by the investigating officer... off the books of course. They don't really tell you WHY, just that 'it is what it is'... Thankfully the current girlfriend is quite sane and grounded in reality. And a lot better in about every area than the ex. So there's that.


Stsying in an abusive relationship against rational advice also demonstrates poor judgement and a tendency to prioritize emotional connections over your own and your employer's best interests.
 
2013-02-01 07:23:20 PM
what is abuse?

farking so hard that the penis turns purple?

cause that's painful
 
2013-02-02 01:23:12 PM
doglover: jaylectricity: You used to be able to sell your daughter for a couple of goats. Karma is a biatch.

A couple goats?

I'm trading good goats for a girl child. You get three chickens and one wheel of goat cheese, but only if she's got good teeth.

By the beard of the Prophet, peace be upon him, you got gypped!  I got one girl and three dancing boys for only five chickens and a 12 oz. bag of qat.


/Allahu akbar
 
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