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(Washington Post)   What makes a good dive bar?   ( divider line
    More: Interesting, mac and cheese, Annandale, John Allen Muhammad, Frank Stallone, John Galliano, Falls Church, Sam Adams, VFW  
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9119 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Jan 2013 at 2:18 AM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-01-30 09:37:50 PM  
4 votes:
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the dank.
2013-01-30 08:56:21 PM  
3 votes:
PADI certification.
2013-01-31 07:03:29 AM  
2 votes:
Theyah was a bah in Lynn, MA, back when called the Shawmut. We use to get closed down outta tha spoorts bah down the street called "bleach-uhs" and then all wind up ovah theya. They called it "shawmut til ya vomit." Theya was always live music until they closed. Mostly because if the band stopped playin they get the eva lovin' crap kicked outta them. Especially if they sucked. This one time, Leeser's boyfriend Murph-Dog hucked a bottle at them and was like "You guy fahkin' suck!" and everyone chee-ahd. And when they stopped playin' and started packin' up he threw anutha bottle and said "No one told you to stop! You suck, but think of this as rehearsal time!" Everyone laughed and the band stahted playing wicked awesomne covah songs. Donnie and Belzah were havin' a fahkin clinic ovah on the coin-ops fah like tree owahs. Pal, you fahking missed a pissah night.
2013-01-31 02:46:52 AM  
2 votes:
Popcorn Johnny:

Desperate women who come alone and strike up the conversation with me.

How is my mom?
2013-01-30 09:36:30 PM  
2 votes:
When you can tell the time by how far from the pisser you have to stand to not be in the puddle.
2013-01-31 11:38:15 AM  
1 vote:
Late to the party, but saw this in a dive bar in San Francisco:

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Yes, they were storing the new kegs of Pilsner Urquel two feet from the toilet in the bathroom.

In their defense, it already tastes like urine, so...
2013-01-31 10:39:28 AM  
1 vote:
Anecdote from my favorite dive bar in Brooklyn:

Hipster Dude who walked in: "Can I have a PBR?"
Old-ass Grandpa Bartender: "NO."
2013-01-31 10:03:32 AM  
1 vote:
Not officially a good dive until this guy shows up...

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2013-01-31 09:30:20 AM  
1 vote:
You guessed it, Frank Stallone!
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2013-01-31 08:50:37 AM  
1 vote:
Whether or not you can give or get a good blowjob in the bathroom without getting kicked out.
2013-01-31 08:26:42 AM  
1 vote:

Mad Mark: Scary Sherry.

Tha would be "hairy Mary's" sister.
2013-01-31 05:01:09 AM  
1 vote:
One of my local dives has a men's room so vile, most of the patrons go out the back door and piss on the building.
The utility company has to replace their gas meter every few years because of uric acid corrosion.

img.photobucket.comView Full Size

Their best looking bartender
2013-01-31 04:18:36 AM  
1 vote:

AverageAmericanGuy: nburghmatt: what's not to like about a place where you can come in with filthy work clothes on, get falling down drunk for less than $30, and that's the expected behavior?

Nothing. Sounds great. Tell me where it is so I can wax my handlebar moustache and wear my best skinny pants and suspenders. I'd love to hang with you locals.

You are so not living up to your login tonight.
2013-01-31 04:02:24 AM  
1 vote:

nburghmatt: what's not to like about a place where you can come in with filthy work clothes on, get falling down drunk for less than $30, and that's the expected behavior?

Nothing. Sounds great. Tell me where it is so I can wax my handlebar moustache and wear my best skinny pants and suspenders. I'd love to hang with you locals.
2013-01-31 03:57:56 AM  
1 vote:

taurusowner: There's a bar near me that appears to just be a cinder block building with a door and a red neon sign that just says "BAR". No name, no advertising, no windows or decorations. Just "BAR". I've never been inside. I can't even imagine what I might find.

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2013-01-31 03:08:07 AM  
1 vote:
The bartender is drunker than you.
2013-01-31 02:28:09 AM  
1 vote:
If you feel like you may catch a disease just from walking on their floors.
2013-01-31 01:19:00 AM  
1 vote:
More: John Allen Muhammad, Frank Stallone

Didn't expect those tags.

2013-01-31 12:51:00 AM  
1 vote:
My favorite dive bar is my favorite for a few reasons.

1. They serve buckets of ice-cold 10 oz. crap beer in tiny bottles for the price of one beer at many places.
2. The bartenders are borderline elderly power-dykes that don't take shiate from ANYONE
3. They open at 8 in the morning and there are still old-school bookies that show up for work every day
4. The jukebox was a cultural relic all Cher and Tom Jones.
2013-01-31 12:41:11 AM  
1 vote:
True story -- spent hours talking about time and space with this guy who I thought was a nut. He said, I wanna show you something. I have a healthy/morbid curiosity and he was driving, so I said, "Why not?" Drives me right up the foothills to a house I've been to before (did termite work there. It was Stevie Nicks's house). So he spends HOURS telling me about the different dimensions of space and time. I didn't give a shiat because he was serving Maker's Mark. Stevie comes out in a robe and I had pancakes with Stevie Nicks, some strange relative, and awesome preserves.

This is why dive bars are good.
2013-01-31 12:21:12 AM  
1 vote:
Anyone who doesn't know you is waiting for you to say the wrong thing so they can beat you up.
2013-01-30 09:28:23 PM  
1 vote:
One free of hipsters.
2013-01-30 09:25:50 PM  
1 vote:
an equal likelihood of being groped by a transformer or stabbed by someone who lives in a trailer park.

a maximum of 3 inches of bathroom wall or divider space not occupied with graffiti, glory holes, or crusty bodily fluids.

any band who may perform must know that the proper response to hearing 'play Freebird' is Freebird.
2013-01-30 08:47:08 PM  
1 vote:
Cheap drinks and a blind, deaf and mute staff.
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