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(Mirror.co.uk)   Woman tries "death by hoo-ha" on her husband by putting poison in her privates in bid to kill him   ( mirror.co.uk) divider line
    More: Weird, putting poison, oral sex, genitals, assassinations, toxic substances  
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19242 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Jan 2013 at 2:33 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-01-28 01:58:52 PM  
11 votes:
EXTRA! EXTRA! TAINTED TWAT PLOT PREVENTED!

♫  Tainted love... O-o-o-o... ♫
2013-01-28 02:48:25 PM  
8 votes:
Sweetheart. I don't want to put a damper on our evening plans, but your cooter smells like strychnine. What's up with that?
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2013-01-28 02:15:13 PM  
7 votes:
Reports in the South American country suggest he was ready and willing, and only escaped death because he noticed a strange smell.

Honey... you smell strange tonight. Like lemon and almonds instead of yeast and feces.
2013-01-28 02:51:40 PM  
5 votes:
surbrook.devermore.net
knows his pain
2013-01-28 02:37:14 PM  
5 votes:
t0.gstatic.com
2013-01-28 02:43:18 PM  
4 votes:
lh6.ggpht.com
2013-01-28 02:39:54 PM  
4 votes:
So, notsocunninglingus?
2013-01-28 02:35:44 PM  
3 votes:
Hoo ha?
cdn.uproxx.com
2013-01-28 06:50:59 PM  
2 votes:
Dumb b*tch. She should've put a test tube of nitroglycerin up there and then a 3" ball-bearing and said, "Jackhammer me, baby! Fark me hard! Harder!" Then, when he pounded her in the hoo-ha, the head of his woo-wee would jar the stainless steel ball into the tube of nitro and the explosion would shoot the impromptu cannon ball out her impromptu cannon--ripping off his impromptu ram rod and destroying the rest of his "munitions depot"--most likely causing enough collateral damage to cause a catastrophic life-support systems failure.

/Cupid stunt...
2013-01-28 06:25:03 PM  
2 votes:
He never had anytying to worry about. If that was a legitimate poisoning, his body has a way to shut that whole thing down.
2013-01-28 04:01:28 PM  
2 votes:

treesloth: So, what was the state of their relationship so that the following seemed reasonable:
1) Accept request to perform oral sex
2) Notice a strange smell
3) !?!?!?! HAVE HER TESTED FOR POISONS !?!?!?!
Or maybe that's just a standard thing for them to test for? Idunno... just seems like they'd give some sort of cream or whatever and see if that clears it up.


It was actually a pregnancy test. The husband became suspicious when the doctor came out and said, Congratulations, your wife is going to have a Superfund site.

/There was almost a fight when the husband thought the doctor said "superfun," and he wanted to know how he knew that.
2013-01-28 03:16:30 PM  
2 votes:

cryinoutloud: calm like a bomb: Please. If I've have learned anything from movies and advertising, it's that there is nothing more attractive than a man with a sweaty dong.

That's the underarm. The dong is trickier, and needs to be treated like a loaded gun.


What a sweaty Dong might look like:

mimg.ugo.com
2013-01-28 03:15:59 PM  
2 votes:
Why would she try to kill a man who is still willing to go down on her?
2013-01-28 02:55:16 PM  
2 votes:

SkunkWerks: berylman: I wonder what kind of poison you can apply to your genitals that will not be absorbed yet still be absorbed into the bloodstream of a person performing oral sex on said poisoned genitals. Yeah none.

Both are mucus membranes. Wondering about that myself.

Then again, maybe she's that crazy.


t3.gstatic.com "Somehow, I don't think you thought your cunning plan all the way through."
2013-01-28 02:43:59 PM  
2 votes:
LonMead

Came for snu-snu.  Leaving happy.


/Same thing I said when I left that Thai brothel....
2013-01-28 02:43:31 PM  
2 votes:
The spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy and bruised
2013-01-28 02:43:03 PM  
2 votes:
I wonder what kind of poison you can apply to your genitals that will not be absorbed yet still be absorbed into the bloodstream of a person performing oral sex on said poisoned genitals. Yeah none.
2013-01-28 02:41:09 PM  
2 votes:
What a cunning stunt.
2013-01-28 01:52:28 PM  
2 votes:
The Brazilian wife is accused of planting a toxic substance on her genitals before luring her husband to bed.
Reports in the South American country suggest he was ready and willing, and only escaped death because he noticed a strange smell.

Lulz.
2013-01-28 01:47:53 PM  
2 votes:
Are you insane in the mucus membrane?  That shiate's gonna kill YOU, girl!
2013-01-28 05:29:33 PM  
1 vote:
"and only escaped death because he noticed a strange smell."

Yes, that's saved me many a time.
Well, I don't know if they were assassination plots, but I wasn't about to take that chance.

Hypnozombie
2013-01-28 03:35:58 PM  
1 vote:
Most poisons are quite bitter. As are most murderous wives.

So I guess what really should have tipped him off was the fact that she was a sourpuss.
2013-01-28 03:24:44 PM  
1 vote:
i48.tinypic.com

Beeotch, you smell poisonous tonight.
2013-01-28 03:15:58 PM  
1 vote:

fickenchucker: I'm calling FAKE. The same poison would have worked just put into a beer, right? So why the supposed cootchtacular shenanigans?


Why chop off a man's penis when stabbing him would work equally well?

upload.wikimedia.org

The answer, typically, is familiarity.
2013-01-28 03:09:42 PM  
1 vote:

LeroyBourne: moothemagiccow: Has "hooha" always been euphemism for vagina? It sounds creepy and reminds me of Pacino
Yes, and the penis is known as the 'hey-now.'


I thought it was a "whoop-whoop." Fark, no wonder I keep getting raped when I try to fend the guys off by saying, "Hey now!"

calm like a bomb: Please. If I've have learned anything from movies and advertising, it's that there is nothing more attractive than a man with a sweaty dong.


That's the underarm. The dong is trickier, and needs to be treated like a loaded gun.
2013-01-28 03:07:41 PM  
1 vote:
I think technically, it's "death by snoo-snoo"
2013-01-28 03:06:38 PM  
1 vote:
Is the "h" emphasized in "whisker biscuit?"
2013-01-28 03:05:34 PM  
1 vote:
Yeah, you need to try harder...

www.historyinanhour.com
2013-01-28 03:00:08 PM  
1 vote:
Has "hooha" always been euphemism for vagina? It sounds creepy and reminds me of Pacino
2013-01-28 02:58:45 PM  
1 vote:
Subby, I'm disappointed that you didn't work in a "tainted taint" joke there.
2013-01-28 02:54:37 PM  
1 vote:
I know this will astonish some here, but the unwashed penis does not smell or taste so great either. You probably don't have anything particular to brag about in the smelly naughty bits department.

(Fresh from shower)
2013-01-28 02:53:18 PM  
1 vote:
"Saved by the Smell" with Elizabeth Berkley in the starring role
2013-01-28 02:50:02 PM  
1 vote:

cryinoutloud: brap: Are you insane in the mucus membrane?  That shiate's gonna kill YOU, girl!

Really. and what was the "poisonous substance?" This story is dildos/.


Yeah, the whole thing smells a bit fishy.

/Stolen from comments
2013-01-28 02:37:03 PM  
1 vote:
Just don't wash it for a few days and see if the stink does him in.

assets.diylol.com
2013-01-28 02:35:46 PM  
1 vote:
She didn't think her coonting plan all the way through.
2013-01-28 02:35:20 PM  
1 vote:
Surprised no Florida tag.
2013-01-28 02:07:39 PM  
1 vote:

MaudlinMutantMollusk: EXTRA! EXTRA! TAINTED TWAT PLOT PREVENTED!

♫  Tainted love... O-o-o-o... ♫


He's got to get away.
 
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