If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Mirror.co.uk)   Woman tries "death by hoo-ha" on her husband by putting poison in her privates in bid to kill him   (mirror.co.uk) divider line 119
    More: Weird, putting poison, oral sex, genitals, assassinations, toxic substances  
•       •       •

19193 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Jan 2013 at 2:33 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



119 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all
 
2013-01-28 03:04:34 PM
Tried to kill him by poisoning his sword? Sounds like a terrible porno version of Hamlet.

/"Deaths put on by cunning..."
//Wait, is there somehow a GOOD porno version of Hamlet?
 
2013-01-28 03:05:22 PM
It reminds me of the Simpson's Hamlet where Moe's poison came in a bottle that read: "Ear Poison - Caution: Fatal if swollowed"
 
2013-01-28 03:05:34 PM
Yeah, you need to try harder...

www.historyinanhour.com
 
2013-01-28 03:06:38 PM
Is the "h" emphasized in "whisker biscuit?"
 
2013-01-28 03:07:41 PM
I think technically, it's "death by snoo-snoo"
 
2013-01-28 03:08:05 PM
Veeerrrrrry cunning.
 
2013-01-28 03:09:23 PM

cgraves67: It reminds me of the Simpson's Hamlet where Moe's poison came in a bottle that read: "Ear Poison - Caution: Fatal if swollowed"


Or, did it smell like this?

s3.hubimg.com
 
2013-01-28 03:09:42 PM

LeroyBourne: moothemagiccow: Has "hooha" always been euphemism for vagina? It sounds creepy and reminds me of Pacino
Yes, and the penis is known as the 'hey-now.'


I thought it was a "whoop-whoop." Fark, no wonder I keep getting raped when I try to fend the guys off by saying, "Hey now!"

calm like a bomb: Please. If I've have learned anything from movies and advertising, it's that there is nothing more attractive than a man with a sweaty dong.


That's the underarm. The dong is trickier, and needs to be treated like a loaded gun.
 
2013-01-28 03:10:37 PM

LeroyBourne: moothemagiccow: Has "hooha" always been euphemism for vagina? It sounds creepy and reminds me of Pacino

Yes, and the penis is known as the 'hey-now.'


And breasts are known as "nice LAdies, heLLO nice ladies!"

/Freunlaven!
 
2013-01-28 03:13:09 PM

Pocket Ninja: Somehow, I don't think this couple looks anything like the couple in the photo linked to tfa.

Also, why would she have willingly gone to the hospital with him? Instead of, I dunno, washing herself first?


She is a wife in Brazil. The husband owns her.
 
2013-01-28 03:13:20 PM
I call bullshiat. Nothing in that article sounds true.
 
2013-01-28 03:15:36 PM
So - the smell was so foul, so otherworldly, that he decided she needed to go to the hospital? There's definitely something fishy in Denmark Brazil.

And he, will have a life long aversion to the cootch. Sad, I tell you - just plain sad.
 
2013-01-28 03:15:58 PM

fickenchucker: I'm calling FAKE. The same poison would have worked just put into a beer, right? So why the supposed cootchtacular shenanigans?


Why chop off a man's penis when stabbing him would work equally well?

upload.wikimedia.org

The answer, typically, is familiarity.
 
2013-01-28 03:15:59 PM
Why would she try to kill a man who is still willing to go down on her?
 
2013-01-28 03:16:30 PM

cryinoutloud: calm like a bomb: Please. If I've have learned anything from movies and advertising, it's that there is nothing more attractive than a man with a sweaty dong.

That's the underarm. The dong is trickier, and needs to be treated like a loaded gun.


What a sweaty Dong might look like:

mimg.ugo.com
 
2013-01-28 03:16:37 PM

moothemagiccow: Has "hooha" always been euphemism for vagina? It sounds creepy and reminds me of Pacino


I repeat:
cdn.uproxx.com

LadySusan: I know this will astonish some here, but the unwashed penis does not smell or taste so great either. You probably don't have anything particular to brag about in the smelly naughty bits department.

(Fresh from shower)


But I cleaned it with my napkin!
 
2013-01-28 03:18:30 PM

bikerbob59: Pocket Ninja: Somehow, I don't think this couple looks anything like the couple in the photo linked to tfa.

Also, why would she have willingly gone to the hospital with him? Instead of, I dunno, washing herself first?

She is a wife in Brazil. The husband owns her.


You must know a far different set of Brazillians than I do.
 
2013-01-28 03:19:03 PM

LeroyBourne: [surbrook.devermore.net image 402x299]
knows his pain


I was actually looking to see if there was a Dentata reference from Snow Crash but, I got this. It works better here, too. Well done. Need to watch that again.
 
2013-01-28 03:19:11 PM

ChrisDe: I call bullshiat. Nothing in that article sounds true.


No, no... there really is a Sao Jose do Rio Preto. It's about 250 miles NW of Sao Paulo.
 
2013-01-28 03:24:26 PM
I used to work with this guy. He had an ex-wife that he imported from Brazil. He was always talking about this new girlfriend of his that is IN Brazil. He's as American as I am, yet speaks fluent Portuguese.

I remember one time, he was complaining that he sent her $5000 to buy some new luggage so she coule make a trip up here. She blew all the money, and never paid him back.


Is there some sort of "mail order bride" thing in Brazil?
 
2013-01-28 03:24:44 PM
i48.tinypic.com

Beeotch, you smell poisonous tonight.
 
2013-01-28 03:25:43 PM

LeroyBourne: [surbrook.devermore.net image 402x299]
knows his pain


Ah Tessai ...I haven't seen that reference here in...forever?
 
2013-01-28 03:26:01 PM

LeroyBourne: [surbrook.devermore.net image 402x299]
knows his pain


She uses a most interesting technique....
 
2013-01-28 03:26:14 PM

StaleCoffee: LeroyBourne: [surbrook.devermore.net image 402x299]
knows his pain

I was actually looking to see if there was a Dentata reference from Snow Crash but, I got this. It works better here, too. Well done. Need to watch that again.


Such a good flick and aged so well. Very re-watchable.
 
2013-01-28 03:32:49 PM

SkunkWerks: fickenchucker: I'm calling FAKE. The same poison would have worked just put into a beer, right? So why the supposed cootchtacular shenanigans?

Why chop off a man's penis when stabbing him would work equally well?

[upload.wikimedia.org image 220x147]

The answer, typically, is familiarity.



Nah--I reject that theory. The Bobbitt case was about her freaking out after an apparent history of spousal rape. She went after the weapon of destruction.

Husbands are offed all the time without genitals being involved, so I'm sticking with FAKE.
 
2013-01-28 03:35:18 PM

SkunkWerks: berylman: I wonder what kind of poison you can apply to your genitals that will not be absorbed yet still be absorbed into the bloodstream of a person performing oral sex on said poisoned genitals. Yeah none.

Both are mucus membranes. Wondering about that myself.

Then again, maybe she's that crazy.


Only way it could have worked w/o killing her (the way I figure it) is if she had in a female condom but wouldn't that arouse suspicion? Highly vascular areas are vascular.
 
2013-01-28 03:35:49 PM
only escaped death because he noticed a strange smell

And facts ruin the joke yet again.
 
2013-01-28 03:35:58 PM
Most poisons are quite bitter. As are most murderous wives.

So I guess what really should have tipped him off was the fact that she was a sourpuss.
 
2013-01-28 03:45:16 PM

WorkingInParadise: LeroyBourne: moothemagiccow: Has "hooha" always been euphemism for vagina? It sounds creepy and reminds me of Pacino

Yes, and the penis is known as the 'hey-now.'

And breasts are known as "nice LAdies, heLLO nice ladies!"

/Freunlaven!


♫When the whippoorwill, wimbers in the wind, the wind can wimber back...Oh nice and chubby boobies!♫
 
2013-01-28 03:47:28 PM
s' why I stop instantly once I get chunks.
 
2013-01-28 03:48:16 PM
"If you were my husband, Winston, I'd put poison on my pussy."


"If you were my wife, madam, I'd eat it."
 
2013-01-28 03:52:56 PM
So, what was the state of their relationship so that the following seemed reasonable:

1) Accept request to perform oral sex
2) Notice a strange smell
3) !?!?!?! HAVE HER TESTED FOR POISONS !?!?!?!

Or maybe that's just a standard thing for them to test for? Idunno... just seems like they'd give some sort of cream or whatever and see if that clears it up.
 
2013-01-28 03:55:22 PM

LadySusan: I know this will astonish some here, but the unwashed penis does not smell or taste so great either. You probably don't have anything particular to brag about in the smelly naughty bits department.

(Fresh from shower)


[hahahaha oh wait you're serious.jpg]

you're comparing apples to oranges an open tin of kippers left on the dash of your car.
 
2013-01-28 03:57:50 PM
Maybe he had an allergy to something that she is not allergic to and tried to do him in that way?
 
2013-01-28 04:00:42 PM
I gotta tell you, this story smells fishy.
 
2013-01-28 04:01:28 PM

treesloth: So, what was the state of their relationship so that the following seemed reasonable:
1) Accept request to perform oral sex
2) Notice a strange smell
3) !?!?!?! HAVE HER TESTED FOR POISONS !?!?!?!
Or maybe that's just a standard thing for them to test for? Idunno... just seems like they'd give some sort of cream or whatever and see if that clears it up.


It was actually a pregnancy test. The husband became suspicious when the doctor came out and said, Congratulations, your wife is going to have a Superfund site.

/There was almost a fight when the husband thought the doctor said "superfun," and he wanted to know how he knew that.
 
2013-01-28 04:02:44 PM
I'd be outta there lickety split.
 
2013-01-28 04:06:23 PM
There once was a woman from Brasilia
Who thought to her man "gonna kill ya"
She poisoned her labiae
With extract of Solanaceae
But was thwarted by her pungent aroma.
 
2013-01-28 04:10:16 PM
'Death by hoo-ha' Yep, that's the way I want to go.
 
2013-01-28 04:12:52 PM
I'm going to start calling people an unwashed penis when they annoy me.
 
2013-01-28 04:14:05 PM

Electromax: I'm going to start calling people an unwashed penis when they annoy me.


If that is anything like calling someone a cab you will certainly get results.
 
2013-01-28 04:31:53 PM

HailRobonia: Electromax: I'm going to start calling people an unwashed penis when they annoy me.

If that is anything like calling someone a cab you will certainly get results.


I still charge by the mile.
 
2013-01-28 04:34:19 PM

cryinoutloud: brap: Are you insane in the mucus membrane?  That shiate's gonna kill YOU, girl!

Really. and what was the "poisonous substance?" This story is dildos/.


She spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocane powder...
 
2013-01-28 04:34:46 PM
Don't Marines say hoo-haa?
 
2013-01-28 04:39:14 PM
I guess this is one time when snorting her taint was a life-saving measure
 
2013-01-28 04:53:51 PM
"... and only escaped death because he noticed a strange smell. "

How could he tell? All strange smells.
 
2013-01-28 04:54:15 PM
Did it smell like death?
 
2013-01-28 04:59:15 PM

Super Chronic: This article reads like a forwarded e-mail.

No names, dates, places or quotes? Check.

Gaping logic hole? Check. (The part where the wife, having failed in her murder plot, agrees to go to the doctor after the husband tells her something ain't right with the cooter.)

All it's missing is "my brother in law works with this person's cousin and I swear it's all true!"


Now the real question is, will this be an episode of CSI?
 
2013-01-28 05:09:50 PM
Seeing that the area is rife with mucous membranes, I suspect she would have received a higher dose than he would.
 
2013-01-28 05:27:58 PM
The Mirror used to at least pretend to be a cut above* its rival The Sun. Apparently those days are gone.

*but only slightly
 
Displayed 50 of 119 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report