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(Deadspin)   The latest sport to fall victim to a doping scandal? Take a guess. Nope. No, not that one. Probably no one will get this   (deadspin.com) divider line 117
    More: Followup, banned substances, Paralympic Games, WCF, sports, beta blockers  
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30425 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Jan 2013 at 11:04 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-28 11:06:35 AM  
Seems cruel to curl someone in a wheelchair.
 
2013-01-28 11:06:42 AM  
"biatch tits"

giggity
 
2013-01-28 11:06:43 AM  
Dammit. I guessed paralympic billiards. So close.
 
2013-01-28 11:07:28 AM  
I knew it. Bastard! I am burning his Rookie Card.
 
2013-01-28 11:07:30 AM  
An anti-"biatch tits" drug,

1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-01-28 11:07:33 AM  
Last time I went curling I saw plenty of people who would have tested positive for Labatt's, Molson, and Moosehead.
 
2013-01-28 11:08:32 AM  
Ahh...I was guessing Beer Pong
 
2013-01-28 11:09:59 AM  
Dang it... so close... I guessed curling... but missed the possibility of the wheelchair aspect...
 
Skr
2013-01-28 11:10:01 AM  
Saw this one dude that was curling in a wheelchair with hydraulics installed. F'er was brooming and bouncing to mexican polka.
 
2013-01-28 11:10:27 AM  
Gurgitating?
 
2013-01-28 11:11:04 AM  
Not sure how much performance enhancement that performance enhancing drugs could cause in curling.

The most important thing seems to be to have less alcohol in your blood than your competition. They should test using breathalyzers.
 
2013-01-28 11:11:25 AM  
MAR 16, 2012 10:40 AM

(Just so everybody knows this is an old post)
 
2013-01-28 11:11:59 AM  
+1 to subby for not going for the obvious 'Armstrong tests positive' joke.
 
2013-01-28 11:14:14 AM  
I got the "curling" part right, but not the "wheelchair" part.

/No, really.
 
2013-01-28 11:15:11 AM  
FTA: Jim Armstrong, a member of the Canadian Curling Hall of Fame

Seriously, did they need to mention that it was Canadian?

/ thought that'd be a given
 
2013-01-28 11:15:56 AM  

imfallen_angel: Dang it... so close... I guessed curling... but missed the possibility of the wheelchair aspect...


Cybernetic: I got the "curling" part right, but not the "wheelchair" part.

/No, really.


Me too. I had no idea 'wheelchair curling' even existed.
 
2013-01-28 11:16:16 AM  
Balsa wood and tissue paper model airplane building? Nah, doping is legitimate there....
 
2013-01-28 11:16:27 AM  
Nobody yet? I'm mean, come on!

i695.photobucket.com
 
2013-01-28 11:16:57 AM  

The Martian Manhandler: imfallen_angel: Dang it... so close... I guessed curling... but missed the possibility of the wheelchair aspect...

Cybernetic: I got the "curling" part right, but not the "wheelchair" part.

/No, really.

Me too. I had no idea 'wheelchair curling' even existed.


It sounds like a cruel joke like wheelchair cliff diving
 
2013-01-28 11:18:16 AM  
I was going to say "golf" but anything that a middle-aged white man can do well is not a sport.

And that goes double for curling, where strictly speaking, you don't necessarily have to be able to stand up, seeing as it was invented by drunk Scots who played it on ponds, thus making it a lot like sailing--a dull sport with an added risk of drowning.

But I'm not surprised when I think it through. After all, how many sports are there where you can do better by taking drugs to make you duller?

Baseball, golf, curling ... can you think of other sports where being dull, slow and deliberative is an asset?

And please, I'll do the Canadian jokes, thank you, as I am Canadian. Like Jews, we can joke self-deprecatory circles around non-members of our tribe.

Screw those 60 year old Swedes. Nobody can beat a middle-aged white Canadian at the dull sports.

Cricket is not an exception. We beat the English in 1865 and then gave the game up forever, except for the  games played on the lawn of Government House in Ottawa by Pakistanis and Jamaicans.
 
2013-01-28 11:19:07 AM  
Why is another Armstrong involved? Is this a family thing? Also, I am not sure why Viagra would play a part into this or do I even want to know. I am surprised this didn't involve powered wheelchairs.
 
2013-01-28 11:19:14 AM  
This one time, at Wheelchair Curling Camp, we all thought it would be fun to,,,
 
2013-01-28 11:20:20 AM  

brantgoose: I was going to say "golf" but anything that a middle-aged white man can do well is not a sport.



Go out on the course right now. See how well you do compared to the pros. Go on.
 
2013-01-28 11:21:14 AM  
I just thought of a dull sport that Canadians might not dominate: boche ball. But then again, there's more Italians in Toronto than in Venice, so we might be able to get some players together and beat the Italians at it as long as the Mafia doesn't get involved. If they do, it's our Mafia versus their Mafia. No telling how that game would turn out once all the bodies are buried.
 
2013-01-28 11:24:02 AM  
And another Armstrong involved in a doping sports scandal. When does it end?!?!?
 
2013-01-28 11:24:40 AM  
I guessed Sheep Dip, but then what sport could possibly involve sheep?
 
2013-01-28 11:25:48 AM  
I've always thought that the best way for athletes to hide the fact that they have taken performance enhancing drugs would be to just run a bit slower.
 
2013-01-28 11:26:34 AM  
 
2013-01-28 11:26:38 AM  

brantgoose: I just thought of a dull sport that Canadians might not dominate: boche ball. But then again, there's more Italians in Toronto than in Venice, so we might be able to get some players together and beat the Italians at it as long as the Mafia doesn't get involved. If they do, it's our Mafia versus their Mafia. No telling how that game would turn out once all the bodies are buried.


Bocce is just curling without ice.
 
2013-01-28 11:27:03 AM  

KangTheMad: brantgoose: I was going to say "golf" but anything that a middle-aged white man can do well is not a sport.

Go out on the course right now. See how well you do compared to the pros. Go on.


You think bowling, darts and chess are sports as well I guess.
 
2013-01-28 11:27:17 AM  
I was really hoping for roller farking.
 
2013-01-28 11:30:53 AM  
i guessed right, sans the wheelchair part.
 
2013-01-28 11:32:24 AM  

Space Monkey 39: KangTheMad: brantgoose: I was going to say "golf" but anything that a middle-aged white man can do well is not a sport.

Go out on the course right now. See how well you do compared to the pros. Go on.

You think bowling, darts and chess are sports as well I guess.


Chess? No, but a game that takes a high level of physical precision, practice, and effort to do well? Yes.
 
2013-01-28 11:34:11 AM  

KangTheMad: brantgoose: I was going to say "golf" but anything that a middle-aged white man can do well is not a sport.

Go out on the course right now. See how well you do compared to the pros. Go on.


More white and middle-aged then me and you die! as the French say.

But I never claimed that all middle-aged white guys are good at baseball. I just said that some of them are. Most baseball fans can't play baseball to save their lives and they would be beaten by a team of tree-planters that spent ten hours planting trees, then went home to cook dinner for their husbands and children, before suiting up for the women's league baseball game that evening. Trust me. I know whereof I speak.

I was talking about the pros, by the way. They're the ones who ARE good at baseball despite being fat, middle-aged and white. The only reason the sport hasn't been taken over entirely by young non-whites is that there's too much money to be made in basketball, football and hockey. Also, it's too dull for young non-whites.

Look at the way cricket has been taken over by South Asians, the most unsporty people on Earth. Dullness is a positive advantage. When it comes to cricket, Asians are whiter than white and duller than a night course lecture in advanced mathematics given in Welsh at the University of Caernarvon. They really put everything they've got into cricket, because they haven't got a decent basketball team in a sub-continent with well over a billion people in it..
 
2013-01-28 11:35:27 AM  
For "baseball" read "golf".

As if I care.
 
2013-01-28 11:35:33 AM  
Curling or Poker?

... So close.
 
2013-01-28 11:38:19 AM  
Believe it or not subby, curling was my first thought. I never guessed the wheelchairs though.

/guess I still lose
//but we took four ends
///and three slashies
 
2013-01-28 11:38:30 AM  

imfallen_angel: Dang it... so close... I guessed curling... but missed the possibility of the wheelchair aspect...


Me too... I got the curling part, but didn't even realize that there was anything beyond that.

Of course, if I'd noticed that it was on Jalopnik, I would have assumed cars and been WAY off...
 
2013-01-28 11:40:14 AM  
I also thought curling, until I saw it was from Jalopnik. Then I assumed some sort of car racing. I should have combined the two.
 
2013-01-28 11:46:39 AM  

badscooter: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jWohhABEzJQ


Ok, between the South Park reference, and this one, the thread is now complete. You may all leave in an orderly fashion.
 
2013-01-28 11:47:31 AM  

bubbaprog: MAR 16, 2012 10:40 AM

(Just so everybody knows this is an old post)


I noticed that on my second read through. Follow-up research shows that his 18 month suspension won't end until the start of next season and the only thing mods love more than poor spelling/grammar is outdated news.
 
2013-01-28 11:51:59 AM  
They started drug testing in pro darts a few years back. The only people busted have been positive for weed. The anti drug policy belongs in some sports. Darts, not so much
 
2013-01-28 11:58:06 AM  
Damn it subby, I guessed curling, but you right I'd never would of guess the wheelchair part!
 
2013-01-28 11:58:25 AM  
The low gravity jumps on the lunar soundstage make sense now. Those crafty Armstrong men and their doping...
 
2013-01-28 12:02:49 PM  

DaintySavage: They started drug testing in pro darts a few years back. The only people busted have been positive for weed. The anti drug policy belongs in some sports. Darts, not so much


Now we know how Big Blue was defeated.
 
2013-01-28 12:11:15 PM  

brantgoose: And that goes double for curling, where strictly speaking, you don't necessarily have to be able to stand up, seeing as it was invented by drunk Scots who played it on ponds,


It was done originally to cool off the haggis after it had boiled long enough.
 
2013-01-28 12:16:48 PM  
Ok, I'm going with either chess or bass fishing.
 
2013-01-28 12:21:27 PM  

lack of warmth: Also, I am not sure why Viagra would play a part into this or do I even want to know.


"Listen, lady, how did you think I threw the stone without arms or legs?"
 
2013-01-28 12:24:06 PM  
Wheelchair curling sounds hard as hell. How do you go sideways down the ice in a wheelchair? I don't get how this works whether or not you're juicing.

[googles it]

It is governed by, and played, according to the rules of the World Curling Federation (WCF), with only one modification for wheelchair users - no sweeping.

WTF? So it's shuffleboard on ice? Then no, Jalopnik, I do not buy your thesis that a wheelchair curler would be smart to juice just for the fine motor control that comes with 20" biceps.

Curling is a beautiful sport in part because of the balance between the work the thrower does and the work the sweepers do. Wheelchair athletes deserve a better version than this. At the very least, why not plant your sweepers in stationary chairs at strategic points on the ice? Or add in non-disabled players to move the chair of the sweepers? Anything would be better.
 
2013-01-28 12:33:58 PM  

snocone: This one time, at Wheelchair Curling Camp, we all thought it would be fun to,,,


You sick bastard.

My dog's hair never grew back right.
 
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