If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(News4Jax)   Women at home jewelry party foil armed home invasion attempt by chanting 'Jesus'. Father Merrin wonders how it could be that easy   (news4jax.com) divider line 68
    More: Florida, home invasions, robbery  
•       •       •

4390 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Jan 2013 at 11:35 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



68 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all
 
2013-01-28 11:37:22 AM  
Ok, that would creep me out enough to make me leave too.
 
2013-01-28 11:38:22 AM  
I've heard this joke before. The pitbull's name was Jesus.
 
2013-01-28 11:38:51 AM  

KangTheMad: Ok, that would creep me out enough to make me leave too.


Just what I was thinking. Florida, you never fail to amuse.
 
2013-01-28 11:39:36 AM  
I can picture the women chanting it like they do on the Jerry Springer show.

JEEE-SUS! JEEE-SUS! JEEE-SUS!

Now watch as St. Peter hucks a chair at the host.
 
2013-01-28 11:40:39 AM  
www.butnotyet.com
They were calling this guy.
 
2013-01-28 11:41:42 AM  
I was coming here to say pretty much everything that has already been said.
 
2013-01-28 11:42:13 AM  
The bed must be on the floor!
The bed must be on the floor!
The bed must be on the floor!
 
2013-01-28 11:42:39 AM  
If you chant "sausage" and record it, play it backward it sounds like you are chanting "Jesus".
 
2013-01-28 11:45:38 AM  
The jewelry show was at this lady's house.

www.bestfunnyblog.com
 
2013-01-28 11:45:55 AM  

The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves: If you chant "sausage" and record it, play it backward it sounds like you are chanting "Jesus".


Are you that guy from the Da Vinci Code? I think you've just unlocked one of the biggest secrets of the Vatican.
 
2013-01-28 11:46:39 AM  
A group of ladies in Lake City
Partied for jewelry pretty
A man with a gun
Tried ruining the fun
Said Jesus, "That's a bit shiatty"

/This or course assumes he answered the call and chased the intruder away
 
2013-01-28 11:47:08 AM  
Is that like the Indian bus-rape victim, who apparently could have stopped the whole thing by holding the guy's hand and calling him "brother" or saying "Allah" or something?
 
2013-01-28 11:48:32 AM  
Is this an exorcist joke? I thought the priest in that movie was Father Merrin.
 
2013-01-28 11:48:58 AM  
technoccult.net
 
2013-01-28 11:49:23 AM  
Lake City police say Derek Lee

He's really fallen on hard times...

birdbytes.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-01-28 11:50:34 AM  
1. At least he got to keep his family jewels.

2. In a Hindu country, would they start with Shiva, Ganesh or Krishna, and how long would the chant take.

3. People will fall in love with that story in the lockup.

//got nothing
 
2013-01-28 11:51:42 AM  
I think that if I tried to rob people and discovered they were mentally retarded, I'd have a crisis of conscience too.

www.prisonflicks.com
 
2013-01-28 11:51:57 AM  
Religion: Freaking people out since, well... since forever!
 
2013-01-28 11:52:07 AM  
Only goes to show. Even gun wielding thugs are afraid of the crazy.
 
2013-01-28 11:54:56 AM  
Jesus: Biggest troll EVER.

sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net
 
2013-01-28 11:56:09 AM  
SWIPER NO SWIPING!

/didn't work for raper, no raping...
 
2013-01-28 11:58:18 AM  

AverageAmericanGuy: The bed must be on the floor!
The bed must be on the floor!
The bed must be on the floor!


The bed is on my foot.
 
2013-01-28 12:00:13 PM  
Bet the NRA will never comment on this story, but it'll be replayed continuously on the 700 Club.

/They are lucky the idiot didn't shoot someone.
 
2013-01-28 12:00:36 PM  
He figured their pockets were as empty as their heads and moved along.
 
2013-01-28 12:02:02 PM  
upload.wikimedia.org

Unavailable for comment.

/obscure?
 
2013-01-28 12:03:58 PM  
Now we know who is scarier.
 
2013-01-28 12:04:05 PM  

USCLaw2010: Is this an exorcist joke? I thought the priest in that movie was Father Merrin.


It was.
 
2013-01-28 12:07:02 PM  

Millennium: [upload.wikimedia.org image 307x410]

Unavailable for comment.

/obscure?


No, but that's from the other big 1970s kid-possessed-by-the-devil movie.
 
2013-01-28 12:11:16 PM  

xanadian: I can picture the women chanting it like they do on the Jerry Springer show.

JEEE-SUS! JEEE-SUS! JEEE-SUS!

Now watch as St. Peter hucks a chair at the host.


I was thinking more like "Eddie Murphy's aunt falling down the stairs" Jesus.
 
2013-01-28 12:11:57 PM  

Nightsweat: AverageAmericanGuy: The bed must be on the floor!
The bed must be on the floor!
The bed must be on the floor!

The bed is on my foot.


Your mama sews socks that smell!
 
2013-01-28 12:36:36 PM  
THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!
 
2013-01-28 12:40:29 PM  
People often suggest that a particular state deserves a tag like Florida has. I suggest a second website "FLArk".
 
2013-01-28 12:41:14 PM  
"I have forgiven him and prayed for his salvation," said Hagler. "I'm hoping this situation has led him to trust the lord and turn his life around."

I'm all about people turning their life around and even genuinely accept Christ BUT I failed to see how the specifics of this incident would necessarily make the person do that.

Serving the soup kitchen sure... donating to charity.. yup, helping strangers.. definitely... genuinely forgiving and loving someone who had caused you harm.. definitely, BUT reporting someone to the cops and sending him to jail (while the right thing to do).. I don't think the perp would think that as a nice gesture and a catalyst to commit his life to Christ.!
 
2013-01-28 12:44:25 PM  
That's right up there with robbers being foiled by store clerks telling them they'll have to wait in line. Education and intelligence are not common among violent criminals.
 
2013-01-28 01:16:43 PM  
Ah good. The ol' "Criminals are a superstitious, cowardly lot" tactic.

Batman would be proud... If only he hadn't died saving Gotham from that nuclear bomb. :(
 
2013-01-28 01:26:09 PM  

Millennium: [upload.wikimedia.org image 307x410]

Unavailable for comment.

/obscure?


I thought his name was Killer and/or Nibbles.
 
2013-01-28 01:33:39 PM  

KangTheMad: Ok, that would creep me out enough to make me leave too.


I would have shot them, one by one, each time yelling out "WHERE IS YOUR JESUS NOW?"
 
2013-01-28 01:34:43 PM  

Quick Fixer: Ah good. The ol' "Criminals are a superstitious, cowardly lot" tactic.

Batman would be proud... If only he hadn't died saving Gotham from that nuclear bomb. :(


Yea, that was a sad ending.
Tony stark died the same way.
So did Will smith in Independence day.
Hollywood really needs to stop with these downer endings.

/I find its much its so much easier to get out of the theater if you leave before the rush.
 
2013-01-28 01:39:30 PM  

KangTheMad: Ok, that would creep me out enough to make me leave too.


Who wants to break into a cult meeting?
 
2013-01-28 01:46:30 PM  
I am sure they were sincere but this would actually suffice as an effective passive-aggressive method of robbery determent. While not directly threatening doing the whole Jesus bit would certainly convey the impression that the robbery will not go as smoothly as planned and stall for time. Or you could just get shot because the dude is not in the mood for nonsense. Anyways I will give it a shot at next mugging.
 
2013-01-28 01:47:25 PM  
It's official. I'm now officially afraid to go south of the mason dixon.

the power of christ compels you ahahahahaha-
apologies for the commercial but this is worth the wait


Link
 
2013-01-28 02:17:58 PM  

Millennium: [upload.wikimedia.org image 307x410]

Unavailable for comment.

/obscure?


A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables; and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.

Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot perked on the top of a cage. "Did you say that?", he hissed at the parrot.

"Yep," the parrot confessed, then continued, "I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"

"Moses," replied the bird.

"Moses?"-the burglar laughed. "What kind of weirdo would name a bird Moses?"

"The kind of weirdo that would name a Rottweiler, Jesus," loudly squawked the parrot.
 
2013-01-28 02:26:02 PM  
If Jesus has taught us anything, it's to hang on to our petty possessions no matter the apparent risk.
 
2013-01-28 02:26:10 PM  
Chanting "satan" or "Cthulhu" would also work
 
2013-01-28 02:28:51 PM  

way south: Quick Fixer: Ah good. The ol' "Criminals are a superstitious, cowardly lot" tactic.

Batman would be proud... If only he hadn't died saving Gotham from that nuclear bomb. :(

Yea, that was a sad ending.
Tony stark died the same way.
So did Will smith in Independence day.
Hollywood really needs to stop with these downer endings.

/I find its much its so much easier to get out of the theater if you leave before the rush.


I was just wondering the other day, did Luke ever find out what happened to his father?
 
2013-01-28 02:42:11 PM  
Imagine what would have happened if the ladies all reached into their purses and pulled out Glocks and then started chanting, "Jesus in the name of everything Holy make my aim true."

BTW - That area of Florida is very Baptist and "Church Minded". It is actually a very nice part of
"Old Florida"
 
2013-01-28 02:47:04 PM  
Still sounds like a major case of sour grapes in these comments.

/God: Don't knock Him until you have tried Him...
 
2013-01-28 02:54:25 PM  

OccamsWhiskers: If Jesus has taught us anything, it's to hang on to our petty possessions no matter the apparent risk.


Lolza... funniest thing read today.
 
2013-01-28 02:55:18 PM  
Well, this incident proves that guns are unnecessary for home defense.
 
2013-01-28 03:08:44 PM  

WordyGrrl: I've heard this joke before. The pitbull's name was Jesus.


Win.
 
Displayed 50 of 68 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report