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(Zim Diaspora)   Five dead in blast when cleansing ceremony goes wrong and the goblin they were beheading suddenly explodes. In other news: The going rate to rid yourself of a demanding goblin is $15,000   (zimdiaspora.com) divider line 39
    More: Weird, Sekuru Shumba, national police  
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10651 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Jan 2013 at 7:11 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-01-28 07:15:33 AM  
13 votes:
If everyone had a goblin this tragedy could have been avoided.
2013-01-28 02:32:22 AM  
8 votes:
$15,000 for a one Hit Die creature? I'd do it for 20 gp.
2013-01-28 02:22:35 AM  
7 votes:
A traditional healer and survivor of the  Chitungwiza blast claims the tragedy occurred during a cleansing ceremony in which an imported goblin was beheaded

Probably one of those cheap Chinese goblins.  That's why I only use quality domestic ones.
2013-01-28 07:58:02 AM  
6 votes:
(Adds "cleansing the goblin" to list of masturbation euphemisms)
2013-01-28 07:44:37 AM  
5 votes:

jtown: According to the traditional healer, Mr Kamuyedza acquired a money-spinning goblin from a nearby country to boost the fortunes of his transport business.

He, however, decided to dispose of it after it started "to make extreme demands.''



addictivestory.files.wordpress.com
"Magic always comes with a price, dearie."
2013-01-28 08:19:54 AM  
4 votes:

vudukungfu: Trolls


Trolls are free. There's an exchange program with the Politics tab.
2013-01-28 08:07:51 AM  
4 votes:

On the Side: I've never known a goblin to explode after being beheaded.


Your DM sucks.
2013-01-28 02:40:04 AM  
4 votes:

Sgt Otter: $15,000 for a one Hit Die creature? I'd do it for 20 gp.


A spanish doubloon was just under an ounce - $1660 today.   You'd charge more than they did!
2013-01-28 07:40:30 AM  
3 votes:
I've never known a goblin to explode after being beheaded.
2013-01-28 07:27:39 AM  
3 votes:
also, also:

"imported goblin"

Imported from where?

FTA: "She claims to have miraculously escaped after failing to land the major role of conducting the ceremony."

O_o

Is that anything like failing to land a major role in the production of Grease?

FTA: "The tragedy fell upon us while we were conducting the ceremony to dispose of the goblin that this businessman brought to Sekuru Shumba," said Ms Banda.

Was he also an inventor, perchance?

FTA: He, however, decided to dispose of it after it started "to make extreme demands.''

Wanted to be fed after midnight, didn't it?

FTA: Ms Banda - who was slightly injured by debris - says she later disappeared from the scene before crowds gathered.

Always wise to flee an arson scene when you're the arsonist, after all...

FTA: She claims to have miraculously escaped after failing to land the major role of conducting the ceremony. In a state of shock, she ran to her nearby home soon after the blast.

Did I start reading the article again halfway down the page?
2013-01-28 07:59:13 PM  
2 votes:
Do not behead Happy Fun Goblin.
2013-01-28 09:20:43 AM  
2 votes:
www.wired.com

Exploding, you say? Hmmmm, that might help with annoying dwarves.
2013-01-28 08:23:49 AM  
2 votes:

vudukungfu: How much do they charge for Trolls?


Drew charges nothing. Just put them on your "Ignore" list.
2013-01-28 07:43:39 AM  
2 votes:

SkunkWerks: also, also:

"imported goblin"

Imported from where?

FTA: "She claims to have miraculously escaped after failing to land the major role of conducting the ceremony."

O_o

Is that anything like failing to land a major role in the production of Grease?

FTA: "The tragedy fell upon us while we were conducting the ceremony to dispose of the goblin that this businessman brought to Sekuru Shumba," said Ms Banda.

Was he also an inventor, perchance?

FTA: He, however, decided to dispose of it after it started "to make extreme demands.''

Wanted to be fed after midnight, didn't it?

FTA: Ms Banda - who was slightly injured by debris - says she later disappeared from the scene before crowds gathered.

Always wise to flee an arson scene when you're the arsonist, after all...

FTA: She claims to have miraculously escaped after failing to land the major role of conducting the ceremony. In a state of shock, she ran to her nearby home soon after the blast.

Did I start reading the article again halfway down the page?


This is the story that never ends, and it goes on and on my friends . . .
2013-01-28 07:42:12 AM  
2 votes:
I've always heard goblins were a blast
2013-01-28 07:27:23 AM  
2 votes:
You can't let them keep their pumpkins.

www.spidervillain.com
2013-01-28 07:18:40 AM  
2 votes:
FTA: A traditional healer and survivor of the Chitungwiza blast claims the tragedy occurred during a cleansing ceremony in which an imported goblin was beheaded.

A traditional healer and survivor of the Chitungwiza blast claims the tragedy occurred during a cleansing ceremony in which an imported goblin was beheaded.


In related news:

"R Kelly to visit South Africa"
2013-01-28 03:18:46 AM  
2 votes:

RobertBruce: Sgt Otter: $15,000 for a one Hit Die creature? I'd do it for 20 gp.

A spanish doubloon was just under an ounce - $1660 today.   You'd charge more than they did!


How about 40 silver?
2013-01-28 09:07:55 AM  
1 votes:
I don't care is you 0 your saving throw, that DM is a vindictive bastard
2013-01-28 08:56:26 AM  
1 votes:

xynix: Seriously? Another farking goblin thread?? Mods keep greenlighting this crap.


Yea, this thread is dead, no one in here enjoying it. Or are you annoyed because you liked goblins before they went mainstream?
2013-01-28 08:42:18 AM  
1 votes:

vudukungfu: How much do they charge for Trolls?


Let me get this straight; they charge a troll toll?
2013-01-28 08:34:44 AM  
1 votes:
"I was outside doing the dishes when all of a sudden there was a loud bang and I was hit by a brick," she said.

Maybe she should have done the dishes inside.
2013-01-28 08:33:59 AM  
1 votes:
It's not always a good thing when the monster rolls a 1 on their save.
2013-01-28 08:15:25 AM  
1 votes:

AverageAmericanGuy: This is why Africa continues to be in the sad shape it's in.

They need to at least get with the monotheistic program if they want to emerge from the stone age.


Or they could skip that crap entirely and try being rational, with intact labia and foreskins.
2013-01-28 08:12:11 AM  
1 votes:
upload.wikimedia.org

R.I.P. GOBLIN GIRL

2013-01-28 08:08:22 AM  
1 votes:

ObeliskToucher: untaken_name: Oops. Forgot to post the link:

http://www.newsdzezimbabwe.co.uk/2012/08/zhombe-family-flees-goblins .h tml

"A 53-year-old Zhombe man and his family have reportedly fled their home after

"money-spinning" goblins (zvikwambo) he acquired from South Africa allegedly started baying for his blood."

What a Zhombe man and his family might look like...
[i260.photobucket.com image 500x417]


I'll take the one on the far right. She seems like the kind of girl who values brains over looks.
2013-01-28 07:56:43 AM  
1 votes:

Hanky: RobertBruce: Sgt Otter: $15,000 for a one Hit Die creature? I'd do it for 20 gp.

A spanish doubloon was just under an ounce - $1660 today.   You'd charge more than they did!

How about 40 silver?


Well, Judas did it for 30 silver so...

/Ducks
2013-01-28 07:54:31 AM  
1 votes:

untaken_name: Dogsbody: Perhaps it would have led to greater clarity in the article if the author had taken a sentence or two to explain just what the fark a money spinning goblin is.

It's one of these:


Well, thanks, that clears that right up.

/no it doesnt
2013-01-28 07:54:04 AM  
1 votes:
This goblin business will get out of control. It'll get out of control and we'll be lucky to live through it.

Sadly for this family, they didn't live through it.
http://zimbabweonlinepress.com/index.php?news=1609
2013-01-28 07:53:36 AM  
1 votes:
How much do they charge for Trolls?
2013-01-28 07:52:25 AM  
1 votes:
I typically just flood the surface with magma. Quite effective

media.desura.com
2013-01-28 07:51:44 AM  
1 votes:
http://tinyurl.com/b7jr4ta

"Now, for the entrapment, we're going to have to ask you for four big ones, four thousand dollars, but we are having a special on proton charging, and storage of the beast, and that's only going to come to one thousand dollars."
2013-01-28 07:47:28 AM  
1 votes:

On the Side: I've never known a goblin to explode after being beheaded.


My "goblin" often "explodes" after it gets head - so I see nothing wrong with . . .

Wait, behead? Oh no, no I can't approve of that.
2013-01-28 07:47:16 AM  
1 votes:

Sybarite: [img.ccgdb.com image 200x285]


www.blackborder.com
2013-01-28 07:46:21 AM  
1 votes:
img.ccgdb.com
2013-01-28 07:42:28 AM  
1 votes:
Perhaps it would have led to greater clarity in the article if the author had taken a sentence or two to explain just what the fark a money spinning goblin is.
2013-01-28 07:40:26 AM  
1 votes:

Recoil Therapy: The story appeared to be written in English but I'll be damned if I can figure it out...

I did like this story off to the side though where "A Harare woman lost more than $3 000 to a "miracle worker" who lied that he could multiply her money through traditional means"

Traditional means?  That his bail was only $100 was kind of amusing too.


This is Zimabwe. He's being fined a piece of dandruff for stealing a shirt button.
2013-01-28 07:23:50 AM  
1 votes:
Jesus what a cluster-fark of an article. Let's see how many times we can repeat the same information over and over and over again!
2013-01-28 07:16:10 AM  
1 votes:
I'm in the wrong line of work
 
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