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(Zim Diaspora)   Five dead in blast when cleansing ceremony goes wrong and the goblin they were beheading suddenly explodes. In other news: The going rate to rid yourself of a demanding goblin is $15,000   (zimdiaspora.com) divider line 135
    More: Weird, Sekuru Shumba, national police  
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10624 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Jan 2013 at 7:11 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-28 08:08:22 AM

ObeliskToucher: untaken_name: Oops. Forgot to post the link:

http://www.newsdzezimbabwe.co.uk/2012/08/zhombe-family-flees-goblins .h tml

"A 53-year-old Zhombe man and his family have reportedly fled their home after

"money-spinning" goblins (zvikwambo) he acquired from South Africa allegedly started baying for his blood."

What a Zhombe man and his family might look like...
[i260.photobucket.com image 500x417]


I'll take the one on the far right. She seems like the kind of girl who values brains over looks.
 
2013-01-28 08:09:03 AM

RobertBruce: Sgt Otter: $15,000 for a one Hit Die creature? I'd do it for 20 gp.

A spanish doubloon was just under an ounce - $1660 today.   You'd charge more than they did!


Methinks you are a 0 off there buddy...
 
2013-01-28 08:12:11 AM
upload.wikimedia.org

R.I.P. GOBLIN GIRL

 
2013-01-28 08:14:02 AM

abhorrent1: Jesus what a cluster-fark of an article. Let's see how many times we can repeat the same information over and over and over again!


And it still fails as a horrible warning.
 
2013-01-28 08:15:25 AM

AverageAmericanGuy: This is why Africa continues to be in the sad shape it's in.

They need to at least get with the monotheistic program if they want to emerge from the stone age.


Or they could skip that crap entirely and try being rational, with intact labia and foreskins.
 
2013-01-28 08:15:54 AM
This would never have happened had they made proper use of a six-demon bag. Fools!
 
2013-01-28 08:18:17 AM

Spiralmonkey: A goblin would've been so much cooler.


Yah, but who ya gonna call?
 
2013-01-28 08:18:44 AM
cdn.obsidianportal.com

What an exploding, money spinning Goblin might look like.

Also, this is now a Goblin porn thread!
 
2013-01-28 08:19:54 AM

vudukungfu: Trolls


Trolls are free. There's an exchange program with the Politics tab.
 
2013-01-28 08:22:44 AM

ethics-gradient: Looks like the stupid have taken over the country and are breeding like rats. Calling your son "Clever" as christian name does not actually make him clever, it just proves that you are pathetically stupid.


Not only that, but they misspelled "Clevon" as well.
 
2013-01-28 08:23:49 AM

vudukungfu: How much do they charge for Trolls?


Drew charges nothing. Just put them on your "Ignore" list.
 
2013-01-28 08:25:52 AM

lotikraf: *OMG* the goblin had explosive diarrhea duh!!


Those cleansing diets will do that sometimes.
 
2013-01-28 08:26:09 AM
I'm glad to see that the spray nozzles of ignorant douchebaggery have been unclogged on this fine fine Monday morning in an Africa thread.
 
2013-01-28 08:27:35 AM
A wizard did it

/it's always the wizard, no exceptions
//also, was there a golden goblin statue involved? That merry explain the price involved
///never trust a wizard
 
2013-01-28 08:28:41 AM
Well that is what he gets for buying the basic money spinning goblin. If he had sprang for the money spinning goblin+ he wouldn't have had this problem.
 
2013-01-28 08:28:58 AM
I didn't even know goblins could do that.
 
2013-01-28 08:29:31 AM
What the goblin really was.
0.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com
 
2013-01-28 08:31:42 AM
May I be the first to suggest "meth lab"? Or do they not have those there?
 
2013-01-28 08:31:43 AM

vudukungfu: Spiralmonkey: A goblin would've been so much cooler.

Yah, but who ya gonna call?


Someone who would know to feed them the correct diet so they don't get all killing-spree on you.

www.simpsonsfoods.co.uk
 
2013-01-28 08:32:11 AM
Some people are easily amused.
 
2013-01-28 08:33:59 AM
It's not always a good thing when the monster rolls a 1 on their save.
 
2013-01-28 08:34:44 AM
"I was outside doing the dishes when all of a sudden there was a loud bang and I was hit by a brick," she said.

Maybe she should have done the dishes inside.
 
2013-01-28 08:34:47 AM

FarKY502: Anybody know WTF is going on here..?


According to this book on Google books, it is a belief popular amongst the Karanga religion in Zimbabwe.


Also see this article for another convoluted description of what a Money Spinning Goblin / Zvikwambo is.
 
2013-01-28 08:35:43 AM
You remind me of the babe.....
 
2013-01-28 08:37:45 AM
images.wikia.com

/slightly obscure
 
2013-01-28 08:39:27 AM

selrays: "I was outside doing the dishes when all of a sudden there was a loud bang and I was hit by a brick," she said.

Maybe she should have done the dishes inside.


Not everyone has the liberty of running water inside their homes. Oh, what we take for granted.
 
2013-01-28 08:41:16 AM
I could understand if these peoples' highest level of technology was animal skin clothing and stone axes but this guy owned a trucking company and drove a car. I'm guessing one of the charlatans was going to do some sort of theatrical effect with propane which is what I assume they cook with when it got away from them and filled the place with gas until it reached the ignition percentage level and detonated. Pretty much the same thing that happened to that house in Indiana a few weeks ago.

Not much of a safety measure if the odorant in your explosive gas doesn't smell as bad as the usual aroma wafting through your neighborhood.
 
2013-01-28 08:42:18 AM

vudukungfu: How much do they charge for Trolls?


Let me get this straight; they charge a troll toll?
 
2013-01-28 08:42:56 AM

Deep Contact: What the goblin really was.
[0.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com image 800x450]


That's more or less what I've been thinking all along...
 
2013-01-28 08:43:11 AM
That's why I took out a ghost and goblin insurance policy for my home.  I'll have to check with my agent to make sure it covers goblin-related explosions.
 
2013-01-28 08:44:14 AM

OscarTamerz: I could understand if these peoples' highest level of technology was animal skin clothing and stone axes but this guy owned a trucking company and drove a car.


www.xojane.com
 
2013-01-28 08:45:49 AM

ethics-gradient: Looks like the stupid have taken over the country and are breeding like rats. Calling your son "Clever" as christian name does not actually make him clever, it just proves that you are pathetically stupid.


Huh. Like all those strippers named "Chastity"?

/or Chasteti
//Chas-titty
 
2013-01-28 08:45:53 AM

imontheinternet: That's why I took out a ghost and goblin insurance policy for my home.  I'll have to check with my agent to make sure it covers goblin-related explosions.


It does, but you have to be sure to do all goblin beheadings with the sword. The policy doesn't cover axe of god.

/hope I'm remembering that game right, otherwise half that joke just went out the window.
 
2013-01-28 08:51:12 AM

Parthenogenetic: ethics-gradient: Looks like the stupid have taken over the country and are breeding like rats. Calling your son "Clever" as christian name does not actually make him clever, it just proves that you are pathetically stupid.

Huh. Like all those strippers named "Chastity"?

/or Chasteti
//Chas-titty


Every time I meet a Shandrikwa, or whatever, I always ask immediately, "What's your stripper name?"
You'd be amazed how many almost just blurt it out.
 
2013-01-28 08:51:49 AM
I went to eBay to get my $15,000 Zimbabwe bill but they didn't have anything smaller than a $100 trillion note. Which of you Farkers has change for that?
 
2013-01-28 08:52:40 AM
Seriously? Another farking goblin thread?? Mods keep greenlighting this crap.
 
2013-01-28 08:52:52 AM

danielscissorhands: FarKY502: Anybody know WTF is going on here..?

According to this book on Google books, it is a belief popular amongst the Karanga religion in Zimbabwe.


Also see this article for another convoluted description of what a Money Spinning Goblin / Zvikwambo is.


Why do these African religions read like a teenage nerd's awful fan-fiction?
 
2013-01-28 08:54:04 AM
Africa is so much more screwed up than I've been led to believe.
 
2013-01-28 08:55:29 AM
images.t-nation.com
 
2013-01-28 08:56:26 AM

xynix: Seriously? Another farking goblin thread?? Mods keep greenlighting this crap.


Yea, this thread is dead, no one in here enjoying it. Or are you annoyed because you liked goblins before they went mainstream?
 
2013-01-28 08:56:37 AM

LowbrowDeluxe: It does, but you have to be sure to do all goblin beheadings with the sword. The policy doesn't cover axe of god.

/hope I'm remembering that game right, otherwise half that joke just went out the window.


The axe sucked anyway.  It had that weird arc to it that made it miss everything.
 
2013-01-28 08:58:22 AM

jtown: According to the traditional healer, Mr Kamuyedza acquired a money-spinning goblin from a nearby country to boost the fortunes of his transport business.
He, however, decided to dispose of it after it started "to make extreme demands.''


Sounds like Lehman Brothers.
 
2013-01-28 08:59:44 AM
They are black...They got the extra muscle...between the ears.
 
2013-01-28 09:00:28 AM

AverageAmericanGuy: This is why Africa continues to be in the sad shape it's in.

They need to at least get with the monotheistic program if they want to emerge from the stone age.


I don't see how goblins are more ignorant and stone age-y than any given monotheistic religion.
 
2013-01-28 09:03:15 AM
What a waste of good Quickening.
 
2013-01-28 09:07:55 AM
I don't care is you 0 your saving throw, that DM is a vindictive bastard
 
2013-01-28 09:11:29 AM

Mega Steve: What a waste of good Quickening.


www.jabootu.com
 
2013-01-28 09:20:28 AM

snorkblaster: AverageAmericanGuy: This is why Africa continues to be in the sad shape it's in.

They need to at least get with the monotheistic program if they want to emerge from the stone age.

I don't see how goblins are more ignorant and stone age-y than any given monotheistic religion.


Well blurry images burnt into toast is far more believable magic than actual goblins which nobody has a video of.

Their magic is ridiculous and laughable but our magic is real and how dare you mock us!!!
 
2013-01-28 09:20:43 AM
www.wired.com

Exploding, you say? Hmmmm, that might help with annoying dwarves.
 
2013-01-28 09:22:41 AM
New conspiracy theory that the government caused 9/11 by beheading goblins in 3..2..1...
 
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