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(Zim Diaspora)   Five dead in blast when cleansing ceremony goes wrong and the goblin they were beheading suddenly explodes. In other news: The going rate to rid yourself of a demanding goblin is $15,000   (zimdiaspora.com) divider line 135
    More: Weird, Sekuru Shumba, national police  
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10661 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Jan 2013 at 7:11 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-28 02:22:35 AM  
A traditional healer and survivor of the  Chitungwiza blast claims the tragedy occurred during a cleansing ceremony in which an imported goblin was beheaded

Probably one of those cheap Chinese goblins.  That's why I only use quality domestic ones.
 
2013-01-28 02:32:22 AM  
$15,000 for a one Hit Die creature? I'd do it for 20 gp.
 
2013-01-28 02:40:04 AM  

Sgt Otter: $15,000 for a one Hit Die creature? I'd do it for 20 gp.


A spanish doubloon was just under an ounce - $1660 today.   You'd charge more than they did!
 
2013-01-28 03:18:46 AM  

RobertBruce: Sgt Otter: $15,000 for a one Hit Die creature? I'd do it for 20 gp.

A spanish doubloon was just under an ounce - $1660 today.   You'd charge more than they did!


How about 40 silver?
 
2013-01-28 07:15:33 AM  
If everyone had a goblin this tragedy could have been avoided.
 
2013-01-28 07:16:10 AM  
I'm in the wrong line of work
 
2013-01-28 07:18:40 AM  
FTA: A traditional healer and survivor of the Chitungwiza blast claims the tragedy occurred during a cleansing ceremony in which an imported goblin was beheaded.

A traditional healer and survivor of the Chitungwiza blast claims the tragedy occurred during a cleansing ceremony in which an imported goblin was beheaded.


In related news:

"R Kelly to visit South Africa"
 
2013-01-28 07:20:34 AM  
Well, that businessman isn't Clever anymore.
 
2013-01-28 07:23:50 AM  
Jesus what a cluster-fark of an article. Let's see how many times we can repeat the same information over and over and over again!
 
2013-01-28 07:27:23 AM  
You can't let them keep their pumpkins.

www.spidervillain.com
 
2013-01-28 07:27:39 AM  
also, also:

"imported goblin"

Imported from where?

FTA: "She claims to have miraculously escaped after failing to land the major role of conducting the ceremony."

O_o

Is that anything like failing to land a major role in the production of Grease?

FTA: "The tragedy fell upon us while we were conducting the ceremony to dispose of the goblin that this businessman brought to Sekuru Shumba," said Ms Banda.

Was he also an inventor, perchance?

FTA: He, however, decided to dispose of it after it started "to make extreme demands.''

Wanted to be fed after midnight, didn't it?

FTA: Ms Banda - who was slightly injured by debris - says she later disappeared from the scene before crowds gathered.

Always wise to flee an arson scene when you're the arsonist, after all...

FTA: She claims to have miraculously escaped after failing to land the major role of conducting the ceremony. In a state of shock, she ran to her nearby home soon after the blast.

Did I start reading the article again halfway down the page?
 
2013-01-28 07:28:46 AM  

SkunkWerks: also, also:

"imported goblin"

Imported from where?

FTA: "She claims to have miraculously escaped after failing to land the major role of conducting the ceremony."

O_o

Is that anything like failing to land a major role in the production of Grease?

FTA: "The tragedy fell upon us while we were conducting the ceremony to dispose of the goblin that this businessman brought to Sekuru Shumba," said Ms Banda.

Was he also an inventor, perchance?

FTA: He, however, decided to dispose of it after it started "to make extreme demands.''

Wanted to be fed after midnight, didn't it?

FTA: Ms Banda - who was slightly injured by debris - says she later disappeared from the scene before crowds gathered.

Always wise to flee an arson scene when you're the arsonist, after all...

FTA: She claims to have miraculously escaped after failing to land the major role of conducting the ceremony. In a state of shock, she ran to her nearby home soon after the blast.

Did I start reading the article again halfway down the page?


www.jonathanrosenbaum.com
 
2013-01-28 07:29:40 AM  
Well, that was informative. Where do I get my own goblin?
 
2013-01-28 07:30:10 AM  
This is why Africa continues to be in the sad shape it's in.

They need to at least get with the monotheistic program if they want to emerge from the stone age.
 
2013-01-28 07:34:06 AM  
According to the traditional healer, Mr Kamuyedza acquired a money-spinning goblin from a nearby country to boost the fortunes of his transport business.

He, however, decided to dispose of it after it started "to make extreme demands.''


farm6.staticflickr.com
 
2013-01-28 07:34:55 AM  
The story appeared to be written in English but I'll be damned if I can figure it out...

I did like this story off to the side though where "A Harare woman lost more than $3 000 to a "miracle worker" who lied that he could multiply her money through traditional means"

Traditional means?  That his bail was only $100 was kind of amusing too.
 
2013-01-28 07:37:56 AM  
I was walking along the road the other day and I met a little man sitting on the verge with his head between his legs. "Are you a goblin?" I asked. "No" he replied "I've got a nose bleed."

/thanks, folks
//here all week
 
2013-01-28 07:38:38 AM  

stratagos: I'm in the wrong line of work


No kidding
 
2013-01-28 07:40:26 AM  

Recoil Therapy: The story appeared to be written in English but I'll be damned if I can figure it out...

I did like this story off to the side though where "A Harare woman lost more than $3 000 to a "miracle worker" who lied that he could multiply her money through traditional means"

Traditional means?  That his bail was only $100 was kind of amusing too.


This is Zimabwe. He's being fined a piece of dandruff for stealing a shirt button.
 
2013-01-28 07:40:28 AM  
Ah Zimbabwe, making a strong case for white minority rule.
Looks like the stupid have taken over the country and are breeding like rats. Calling your son "Clever" as christian name does not actually make him clever, it just proves that you are pathetically stupid.
And that article proves it, complete shiate that left me none the wiser. I'm left wondering if the "goblin" wasn't some unfortunate slave that they were murdering. Possibly with a hand grenade.
 
2013-01-28 07:40:30 AM  
I've never known a goblin to explode after being beheaded.
 
2013-01-28 07:42:12 AM  
I've always heard goblins were a blast
 
2013-01-28 07:42:15 AM  
Can someone get some "WTF am I reading" pics in here please?
 
2013-01-28 07:42:28 AM  
Perhaps it would have led to greater clarity in the article if the author had taken a sentence or two to explain just what the fark a money spinning goblin is.
 
2013-01-28 07:43:39 AM  

SkunkWerks: also, also:

"imported goblin"

Imported from where?

FTA: "She claims to have miraculously escaped after failing to land the major role of conducting the ceremony."

O_o

Is that anything like failing to land a major role in the production of Grease?

FTA: "The tragedy fell upon us while we were conducting the ceremony to dispose of the goblin that this businessman brought to Sekuru Shumba," said Ms Banda.

Was he also an inventor, perchance?

FTA: He, however, decided to dispose of it after it started "to make extreme demands.''

Wanted to be fed after midnight, didn't it?

FTA: Ms Banda - who was slightly injured by debris - says she later disappeared from the scene before crowds gathered.

Always wise to flee an arson scene when you're the arsonist, after all...

FTA: She claims to have miraculously escaped after failing to land the major role of conducting the ceremony. In a state of shock, she ran to her nearby home soon after the blast.

Did I start reading the article again halfway down the page?


This is the story that never ends, and it goes on and on my friends . . .
 
2013-01-28 07:43:59 AM  

Dogsbody: Perhaps it would have led to greater clarity in the article if the author had taken a sentence or two to explain just what the fark a money spinning goblin is.


It's one of these:

3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-01-28 07:44:37 AM  

jtown: According to the traditional healer, Mr Kamuyedza acquired a money-spinning goblin from a nearby country to boost the fortunes of his transport business.

He, however, decided to dispose of it after it started "to make extreme demands.''



addictivestory.files.wordpress.com
"Magic always comes with a price, dearie."
 
2013-01-28 07:45:26 AM  
Oops. Forgot to post the link:

http://www.newsdzezimbabwe.co.uk/2012/08/zhombe-family-flees-goblins .h tml

"A 53-year-old Zhombe man and his family have reportedly fled their home after

"money-spinning" goblins (zvikwambo) he acquired from South Africa allegedly started baying for his blood."
 
2013-01-28 07:45:28 AM  

Dogsbody: Perhaps it would have led to greater clarity in the article if the author had taken a sentence or two to explain just what the fark a money spinning goblin is.


I'd love some helpful pics of what a money spinning goblin might look like.

Or a spinning money goblin, I'm easy.
 
2013-01-28 07:46:21 AM  
img.ccgdb.com
 
2013-01-28 07:47:16 AM  

Sybarite: [img.ccgdb.com image 200x285]


www.blackborder.com
 
2013-01-28 07:47:28 AM  

On the Side: I've never known a goblin to explode after being beheaded.


My "goblin" often "explodes" after it gets head - so I see nothing wrong with . . .

Wait, behead? Oh no, no I can't approve of that.
 
2013-01-28 07:51:44 AM  
http://tinyurl.com/b7jr4ta

"Now, for the entrapment, we're going to have to ask you for four big ones, four thousand dollars, but we are having a special on proton charging, and storage of the beast, and that's only going to come to one thousand dollars."
 
2013-01-28 07:51:54 AM  

On the Side: Dogsbody: Perhaps it would have led to greater clarity in the article if the author had taken a sentence or two to explain just what the fark a money spinning goblin is.

I'd love some helpful pics of what a money spinning goblin might look like.

Or a spinning money goblin, I'm easy.


Well,I decided to check using google, but by page 16 of GIS I discovered what I can only describe as WoW porn.

Wow, Indeed.

Nerds.
 
2013-01-28 07:52:20 AM  
Here, let me try.

One woman escaped serious injury after failed bombing attempt, which is believed to have occurred due to a disagreement over the price of a failed palm reading.
 
2013-01-28 07:52:25 AM  
I typically just flood the surface with magma. Quite effective

media.desura.com
 
2013-01-28 07:53:36 AM  
How much do they charge for Trolls?
 
2013-01-28 07:53:44 AM  
wow - it's like the article was almost written in English.... was that a translation from somewhere else?

mostly, though, I was completely like, "WTF?"......
 
2013-01-28 07:54:04 AM  
This goblin business will get out of control. It'll get out of control and we'll be lucky to live through it.

Sadly for this family, they didn't live through it.
http://zimbabweonlinepress.com/index.php?news=1609
 
2013-01-28 07:54:20 AM  
Anybody know WTF is going on here..?
 
2013-01-28 07:54:31 AM  

untaken_name: Dogsbody: Perhaps it would have led to greater clarity in the article if the author had taken a sentence or two to explain just what the fark a money spinning goblin is.

It's one of these:


Well, thanks, that clears that right up.

/no it doesnt
 
2013-01-28 07:54:43 AM  

Sneakernets: by page 16 of GIS I discovered what I can only describe as WoW porn.


Pretty much every GIS devolves into porn of one kind or another by that late in the game, to be fair.
 
2013-01-28 07:56:43 AM  

Hanky: RobertBruce: Sgt Otter: $15,000 for a one Hit Die creature? I'd do it for 20 gp.

A spanish doubloon was just under an ounce - $1660 today.   You'd charge more than they did!

How about 40 silver?


Well, Judas did it for 30 silver so...

/Ducks
 
2013-01-28 07:58:02 AM  
(Adds "cleansing the goblin" to list of masturbation euphemisms)
 
2013-01-28 07:58:13 AM  

SkunkWerks: Sneakernets: by page 16 of GIS I discovered what I can only describe as WoW porn.

Pretty much every GIS devolves into porn of one kind or another by that late in the game, to be fair.


It was still relevant somehow. That's the scary part.

Rule 34 is horribly real.
 
2013-01-28 08:01:12 AM  

Sneakernets: On the Side: Dogsbody: Perhaps it would have led to greater clarity in the article if the author had taken a sentence or two to explain just what the fark a money spinning goblin is.

I'd love some helpful pics of what a money spinning goblin might look like.

Or a spinning money goblin, I'm easy.

Well,I decided to check using google, but by page 16 of GIS I discovered what I can only describe as WoW porn.

Wow, Indeed.

Nerds.


Thanks for the effort, on my phone or I may have tried.

Now I'm just imagining a gimp named goblin.

/bring out the money gimp
 
2013-01-28 08:03:09 AM  
*OMG* the goblin had explosive diarrhea duh!!
 
2013-01-28 08:06:51 AM  

untaken_name: Oops. Forgot to post the link:

http://www.newsdzezimbabwe.co.uk/2012/08/zhombe-family-flees-goblins .h tml

"A 53-year-old Zhombe man and his family have reportedly fled their home after

"money-spinning" goblins (zvikwambo) he acquired from South Africa allegedly started baying for his blood."


What a Zhombe man and his family might look like...
i260.photobucket.com
 
2013-01-28 08:07:15 AM  
There's another article that says $40,000 that had been hidden in the house is now missing. There is at least one person of normal intelligence in the town - "Felix Muchemwa, a retired brigadier general, has already concluded that the blast was caused by a bomb. "There is no mysticism involved. All the signs point to an incendiary bomb," he said this week."

That just brings it down to the level of normal everyday human coontishness. A goblin would've been so much cooler. Maybe not one of the big, heavily armed ones. Just a little one that would bring you a beer and tell you who's going to win in the 3.30 at Kempton Park.
 
2013-01-28 08:07:51 AM  

On the Side: I've never known a goblin to explode after being beheaded.


Your DM sucks.
 
2013-01-28 08:08:22 AM  

ObeliskToucher: untaken_name: Oops. Forgot to post the link:

http://www.newsdzezimbabwe.co.uk/2012/08/zhombe-family-flees-goblins .h tml

"A 53-year-old Zhombe man and his family have reportedly fled their home after

"money-spinning" goblins (zvikwambo) he acquired from South Africa allegedly started baying for his blood."

What a Zhombe man and his family might look like...
[i260.photobucket.com image 500x417]


I'll take the one on the far right. She seems like the kind of girl who values brains over looks.
 
2013-01-28 08:09:03 AM  

RobertBruce: Sgt Otter: $15,000 for a one Hit Die creature? I'd do it for 20 gp.

A spanish doubloon was just under an ounce - $1660 today.   You'd charge more than they did!


Methinks you are a 0 off there buddy...
 
2013-01-28 08:12:11 AM  
upload.wikimedia.org

R.I.P. GOBLIN GIRL

 
2013-01-28 08:14:02 AM  

abhorrent1: Jesus what a cluster-fark of an article. Let's see how many times we can repeat the same information over and over and over again!


And it still fails as a horrible warning.
 
2013-01-28 08:15:25 AM  

AverageAmericanGuy: This is why Africa continues to be in the sad shape it's in.

They need to at least get with the monotheistic program if they want to emerge from the stone age.


Or they could skip that crap entirely and try being rational, with intact labia and foreskins.
 
2013-01-28 08:15:54 AM  
This would never have happened had they made proper use of a six-demon bag. Fools!
 
2013-01-28 08:18:17 AM  

Spiralmonkey: A goblin would've been so much cooler.


Yah, but who ya gonna call?
 
2013-01-28 08:18:44 AM  
cdn.obsidianportal.com

What an exploding, money spinning Goblin might look like.

Also, this is now a Goblin porn thread!
 
2013-01-28 08:19:54 AM  

vudukungfu: Trolls


Trolls are free. There's an exchange program with the Politics tab.
 
2013-01-28 08:22:44 AM  

ethics-gradient: Looks like the stupid have taken over the country and are breeding like rats. Calling your son "Clever" as christian name does not actually make him clever, it just proves that you are pathetically stupid.


Not only that, but they misspelled "Clevon" as well.
 
2013-01-28 08:23:49 AM  

vudukungfu: How much do they charge for Trolls?


Drew charges nothing. Just put them on your "Ignore" list.
 
2013-01-28 08:25:52 AM  

lotikraf: *OMG* the goblin had explosive diarrhea duh!!


Those cleansing diets will do that sometimes.
 
2013-01-28 08:26:09 AM  
I'm glad to see that the spray nozzles of ignorant douchebaggery have been unclogged on this fine fine Monday morning in an Africa thread.
 
2013-01-28 08:27:35 AM  
A wizard did it

/it's always the wizard, no exceptions
//also, was there a golden goblin statue involved? That merry explain the price involved
///never trust a wizard
 
2013-01-28 08:28:41 AM  
Well that is what he gets for buying the basic money spinning goblin. If he had sprang for the money spinning goblin+ he wouldn't have had this problem.
 
2013-01-28 08:28:58 AM  
I didn't even know goblins could do that.
 
2013-01-28 08:29:31 AM  
What the goblin really was.
0.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com
 
2013-01-28 08:31:42 AM  
May I be the first to suggest "meth lab"? Or do they not have those there?
 
2013-01-28 08:31:43 AM  

vudukungfu: Spiralmonkey: A goblin would've been so much cooler.

Yah, but who ya gonna call?


Someone who would know to feed them the correct diet so they don't get all killing-spree on you.

www.simpsonsfoods.co.uk
 
2013-01-28 08:32:11 AM  
Some people are easily amused.
 
2013-01-28 08:33:59 AM  
It's not always a good thing when the monster rolls a 1 on their save.
 
2013-01-28 08:34:44 AM  
"I was outside doing the dishes when all of a sudden there was a loud bang and I was hit by a brick," she said.

Maybe she should have done the dishes inside.
 
2013-01-28 08:34:47 AM  

FarKY502: Anybody know WTF is going on here..?


According to this book on Google books, it is a belief popular amongst the Karanga religion in Zimbabwe.


Also see this article for another convoluted description of what a Money Spinning Goblin / Zvikwambo is.
 
2013-01-28 08:35:43 AM  
You remind me of the babe.....
 
2013-01-28 08:37:45 AM  
images.wikia.com

/slightly obscure
 
2013-01-28 08:39:27 AM  

selrays: "I was outside doing the dishes when all of a sudden there was a loud bang and I was hit by a brick," she said.

Maybe she should have done the dishes inside.


Not everyone has the liberty of running water inside their homes. Oh, what we take for granted.
 
2013-01-28 08:41:16 AM  
I could understand if these peoples' highest level of technology was animal skin clothing and stone axes but this guy owned a trucking company and drove a car. I'm guessing one of the charlatans was going to do some sort of theatrical effect with propane which is what I assume they cook with when it got away from them and filled the place with gas until it reached the ignition percentage level and detonated. Pretty much the same thing that happened to that house in Indiana a few weeks ago.

Not much of a safety measure if the odorant in your explosive gas doesn't smell as bad as the usual aroma wafting through your neighborhood.
 
2013-01-28 08:42:18 AM  

vudukungfu: How much do they charge for Trolls?


Let me get this straight; they charge a troll toll?
 
2013-01-28 08:42:56 AM  

Deep Contact: What the goblin really was.
[0.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com image 800x450]


That's more or less what I've been thinking all along...
 
2013-01-28 08:43:11 AM  
That's why I took out a ghost and goblin insurance policy for my home.  I'll have to check with my agent to make sure it covers goblin-related explosions.
 
2013-01-28 08:44:14 AM  

OscarTamerz: I could understand if these peoples' highest level of technology was animal skin clothing and stone axes but this guy owned a trucking company and drove a car.


www.xojane.com
 
2013-01-28 08:45:49 AM  

ethics-gradient: Looks like the stupid have taken over the country and are breeding like rats. Calling your son "Clever" as christian name does not actually make him clever, it just proves that you are pathetically stupid.


Huh. Like all those strippers named "Chastity"?

/or Chasteti
//Chas-titty
 
2013-01-28 08:45:53 AM  

imontheinternet: That's why I took out a ghost and goblin insurance policy for my home.  I'll have to check with my agent to make sure it covers goblin-related explosions.


It does, but you have to be sure to do all goblin beheadings with the sword. The policy doesn't cover axe of god.

/hope I'm remembering that game right, otherwise half that joke just went out the window.
 
2013-01-28 08:51:12 AM  

Parthenogenetic: ethics-gradient: Looks like the stupid have taken over the country and are breeding like rats. Calling your son "Clever" as christian name does not actually make him clever, it just proves that you are pathetically stupid.

Huh. Like all those strippers named "Chastity"?

/or Chasteti
//Chas-titty


Every time I meet a Shandrikwa, or whatever, I always ask immediately, "What's your stripper name?"
You'd be amazed how many almost just blurt it out.
 
2013-01-28 08:51:49 AM  
I went to eBay to get my $15,000 Zimbabwe bill but they didn't have anything smaller than a $100 trillion note. Which of you Farkers has change for that?
 
2013-01-28 08:52:40 AM  
Seriously? Another farking goblin thread?? Mods keep greenlighting this crap.
 
2013-01-28 08:52:52 AM  

danielscissorhands: FarKY502: Anybody know WTF is going on here..?

According to this book on Google books, it is a belief popular amongst the Karanga religion in Zimbabwe.


Also see this article for another convoluted description of what a Money Spinning Goblin / Zvikwambo is.


Why do these African religions read like a teenage nerd's awful fan-fiction?
 
2013-01-28 08:54:04 AM  
Africa is so much more screwed up than I've been led to believe.
 
2013-01-28 08:55:29 AM  
images.t-nation.com
 
2013-01-28 08:56:26 AM  

xynix: Seriously? Another farking goblin thread?? Mods keep greenlighting this crap.


Yea, this thread is dead, no one in here enjoying it. Or are you annoyed because you liked goblins before they went mainstream?
 
2013-01-28 08:56:37 AM  

LowbrowDeluxe: It does, but you have to be sure to do all goblin beheadings with the sword. The policy doesn't cover axe of god.

/hope I'm remembering that game right, otherwise half that joke just went out the window.


The axe sucked anyway.  It had that weird arc to it that made it miss everything.
 
2013-01-28 08:58:22 AM  

jtown: According to the traditional healer, Mr Kamuyedza acquired a money-spinning goblin from a nearby country to boost the fortunes of his transport business.
He, however, decided to dispose of it after it started "to make extreme demands.''


Sounds like Lehman Brothers.
 
2013-01-28 08:59:44 AM  
They are black...They got the extra muscle...between the ears.
 
2013-01-28 09:00:28 AM  

AverageAmericanGuy: This is why Africa continues to be in the sad shape it's in.

They need to at least get with the monotheistic program if they want to emerge from the stone age.


I don't see how goblins are more ignorant and stone age-y than any given monotheistic religion.
 
2013-01-28 09:03:15 AM  
What a waste of good Quickening.
 
2013-01-28 09:07:55 AM  
I don't care is you 0 your saving throw, that DM is a vindictive bastard
 
2013-01-28 09:11:29 AM  

Mega Steve: What a waste of good Quickening.


www.jabootu.com
 
2013-01-28 09:20:28 AM  

snorkblaster: AverageAmericanGuy: This is why Africa continues to be in the sad shape it's in.

They need to at least get with the monotheistic program if they want to emerge from the stone age.

I don't see how goblins are more ignorant and stone age-y than any given monotheistic religion.


Well blurry images burnt into toast is far more believable magic than actual goblins which nobody has a video of.

Their magic is ridiculous and laughable but our magic is real and how dare you mock us!!!
 
2013-01-28 09:20:43 AM  
www.wired.com

Exploding, you say? Hmmmm, that might help with annoying dwarves.
 
2013-01-28 09:22:41 AM  
New conspiracy theory that the government caused 9/11 by beheading goblins in 3..2..1...
 
2013-01-28 09:25:46 AM  

Road Rash: I've always heard goblins were a blast


You're thinking kobolds.
 
2013-01-28 09:29:23 AM  
www.wired.com

Ain't no one beheading me!
 
2013-01-28 09:33:06 AM  

On the Side: I've never known a goblin to explode after being beheaded.


Mine does, especially since I got divorced in October.  About six times a week at current count.
 
2013-01-28 09:35:04 AM  

ukexpat: New conspiracy theory that the government caused 9/11 by beheading goblins in 3..2..1...



There are at least 35 people who would probably believe this theory...
 
2013-01-28 09:37:12 AM  

redheededstepchild: You remind me of the babe.....


What babe?
 
2013-01-28 09:40:18 AM  
So Goblin is a euphemism for "wife" now?
 
2013-01-28 09:44:34 AM  
I dunno, I'm sure the Goblin below spun a good bit of money for the execs at McDonnell.
www.dvice.com
 
2013-01-28 09:48:34 AM  
i.imgur.com
 
2013-01-28 09:57:10 AM  
Meth house explodes...
 
2013-01-28 11:08:40 AM  
Africa's version of "The Onion"?
 
2013-01-28 11:13:10 AM  
I feel sorry for whatever poor disfigured bastard they chopped the head off of because they thought he was a goblin. I'm surprised nobody has killed that dude that has the fungus that makes him look like he's turning into a tree.
 
2013-01-28 11:28:03 AM  
Seriously, this far in on a story about a money spinning goblin making unreasonable demands and no one has mentioned Rumplestiltskin?

How poorly read are you farkers?
 
2013-01-28 11:47:55 AM  

Gabrielmot: Seriously, this far in on a story about a money spinning goblin making unreasonable demands and no one has mentioned Rumplestiltskin?

How poorly read are you farkers?


Don't you mean poorly-read?

/Whenever I'm read, I'm read well.
 
2013-01-28 11:48:42 AM  
Am I the only one who felt like someone dosed me w/ acid while reading that story? WTF?
 
2013-01-28 12:12:54 PM  

Hanky: RobertBruce: Sgt Otter: $15,000 for a one Hit Die creature? I'd do it for 20 gp.

A spanish doubloon was just under an ounce - $1660 today.   You'd charge more than they did!

How about 40 silver?


I only accept payment in electrum or ningis.
 
2013-01-28 12:29:59 PM  
OscarTamerz: I could understand if these peoples' highest level of technology was animal skin clothing and stone axes but this guy owned a trucking company and drove a car.

I wonder if he was good friends with one of Zimbabwe's corrupt and incompetant politicians? Could be "his" trucking company was originally owned by someone who supported the wrong party?
It's Zimbabwe, it seems the very worst of that country's society has risen to the top and now superstitious violent thieves are at the top of the pecking order.
I honestly don't see how that country will ever recover.
 
2013-01-28 01:03:11 PM  
Not too dissimilar from a Catholic burying a statute of a saint to sell a house, or praying to one for financial help.

A bit more explodey than that, but no too different.
 
2013-01-28 01:05:40 PM  

ukexpat: New conspiracy theory that the government caused 9/11 by beheading goblins in 3..2..1...


I have some proof that the WTC was built using goblin slave labor and there have always been rumours that they were walled up in the building when the project was completed.
 
2013-01-28 01:14:33 PM  

big pig peaches: ukexpat: New conspiracy theory that the government caused 9/11 by beheading goblins in 3..2..1...

I have some proof that the WTC was built using goblin slave labor and there have always been rumours that they were walled up in the building when the project was completed.


Maybe they were doing some renovations and, while cutting through a wall, accidentally decapitated a goblin. The rest go all chain-reactiony and down comes the building!

/better than the thermite theory
 
2013-01-28 02:33:58 PM  

big pig peaches: ukexpat: New conspiracy theory that the government caused 9/11 by beheading goblins in 3..2..1...

I have some proof that the WTC was built using goblin slave labor and there have always been rumours that they were walled up in the building when the project was completed.


That's no goblin!

3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-01-28 02:44:40 PM  
Extra fee for hobgoblins?
 
2013-01-28 03:01:30 PM  

theorellior: [www.wired.com image 650x366]

Exploding, you say? Hmmmm, that might help with annoying dwarves.


We just need to get them down, down, to Goblin Town.

/down, down, to Goblin Town
//You go, my lad! Ho, ho! my lad!
 
2013-01-28 03:18:14 PM  

Keizer_Ghidorah: theorellior: [www.wired.com image 650x366]

Exploding, you say? Hmmmm, that might help with annoying dwarves.

We just need to get them down, down, to Goblin Town.

/down, down, to Goblin Town
//You go, my lad! Ho, ho! my lad!


Fifteen birds?
 
2013-01-28 06:05:27 PM  

SkunkWerks: Keizer_Ghidorah: theorellior: [www.wired.com image 650x366]

Exploding, you say? Hmmmm, that might help with annoying dwarves.

We just need to get them down, down, to Goblin Town.

/down, down, to Goblin Town
//You go, my lad! Ho, ho! my lad!

Fifteen birds?


In 5 fir trees.
 
2013-01-28 06:55:52 PM  

iheartscotch: SkunkWerks: Keizer_Ghidorah: theorellior: [www.wired.com image 650x366]

Exploding, you say? Hmmmm, that might help with annoying dwarves.

We just need to get them down, down, to Goblin Town.

/down, down, to Goblin Town
//You go, my lad! Ho, ho! my lad!

Fifteen birds?

In 5 fir trees.


What funny little birds.
 
2013-01-28 07:59:13 PM  
Do not behead Happy Fun Goblin.
 
2013-01-28 08:46:42 PM  

ciberido: Hanky: RobertBruce: Sgt Otter: $15,000 for a one Hit Die creature? I'd do it for 20 gp.

A spanish doubloon was just under an ounce - $1660 today.   You'd charge more than they did!

How about 40 silver?

I only accept payment in electrum or ningis.


Sorry, we only have triganic pu in house.
 
2013-01-28 10:09:52 PM  

dahmers love zombie: redheededstepchild: You remind me of the babe.....

What babe?


The babe with the power.
 
2013-01-28 11:07:55 PM  

Ghastly: dahmers love zombie: redheededstepchild: You remind me of the babe.....

What babe?

The babe with the power.


The power?
 
2013-01-28 11:18:06 PM  

Smgth: Keizer_Ghidorah: Ghastly: dahmers love zombie: redheededstepchild: You remind me of the babe.....

What babe?

The babe with the power.

The power?

Power of Voodoo


Who do?
 
2013-01-29 12:25:18 AM  

Ghastly: Smgth: Keizer_Ghidorah: Ghastly: dahmers love zombie: redheededstepchild: You remind me of the babe.....

What babe?

The babe with the power.

The power?

Power of Voodoo

Who do?


That you do!
 
2013-01-29 12:46:48 AM  

Keizer_Ghidorah: Ghastly: Smgth: Keizer_Ghidorah: Ghastly: dahmers love zombie: redheededstepchild: You remind me of the babe.....

What babe?

The babe with the power.

The power?

Power of Voodoo

Who do?

That you do!


Not Voodoo.
images1.wikia.nocookie.net
Hoodoo!
 
2013-01-29 05:54:46 AM  

Dogsbody: Perhaps it would have led to greater clarity in the article if the author had taken a sentence or two to explain just what the fark a money spinning goblin is.


I'd love to hear Samuel Jackson's explanation.
 
2013-01-29 06:15:55 AM  

big pig peaches: ukexpat: New conspiracy theory that the government caused 9/11 by beheading goblins in 3..2..1...

I have some proof that the WTC was built using goblin slave labor and there have always been rumours that they were walled up in the building when the project was completed.


For the love of God!
 
2013-01-29 10:50:34 AM  
basementrejects.com
If you flush them before they explode, you can watch all the other toilets explode into one giant ass-mess.
 
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