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(Zim Diaspora)   Five dead in blast when cleansing ceremony goes wrong and the goblin they were beheading suddenly explodes. In other news: The going rate to rid yourself of a demanding goblin is $15,000   (zimdiaspora.com) divider line 135
    More: Weird, Sekuru Shumba, national police  
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10626 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Jan 2013 at 7:11 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-28 02:22:35 AM
A traditional healer and survivor of the  Chitungwiza blast claims the tragedy occurred during a cleansing ceremony in which an imported goblin was beheaded

Probably one of those cheap Chinese goblins.  That's why I only use quality domestic ones.
 
2013-01-28 02:32:22 AM
$15,000 for a one Hit Die creature? I'd do it for 20 gp.
 
2013-01-28 02:40:04 AM

Sgt Otter: $15,000 for a one Hit Die creature? I'd do it for 20 gp.


A spanish doubloon was just under an ounce - $1660 today.   You'd charge more than they did!
 
2013-01-28 03:18:46 AM

RobertBruce: Sgt Otter: $15,000 for a one Hit Die creature? I'd do it for 20 gp.

A spanish doubloon was just under an ounce - $1660 today.   You'd charge more than they did!


How about 40 silver?
 
2013-01-28 07:15:33 AM
If everyone had a goblin this tragedy could have been avoided.
 
2013-01-28 07:16:10 AM
I'm in the wrong line of work
 
2013-01-28 07:18:40 AM
FTA: A traditional healer and survivor of the Chitungwiza blast claims the tragedy occurred during a cleansing ceremony in which an imported goblin was beheaded.

A traditional healer and survivor of the Chitungwiza blast claims the tragedy occurred during a cleansing ceremony in which an imported goblin was beheaded.


In related news:

"R Kelly to visit South Africa"
 
2013-01-28 07:20:34 AM
Well, that businessman isn't Clever anymore.
 
2013-01-28 07:23:50 AM
Jesus what a cluster-fark of an article. Let's see how many times we can repeat the same information over and over and over again!
 
2013-01-28 07:27:23 AM
You can't let them keep their pumpkins.

www.spidervillain.com
 
2013-01-28 07:27:39 AM
also, also:

"imported goblin"

Imported from where?

FTA: "She claims to have miraculously escaped after failing to land the major role of conducting the ceremony."

O_o

Is that anything like failing to land a major role in the production of Grease?

FTA: "The tragedy fell upon us while we were conducting the ceremony to dispose of the goblin that this businessman brought to Sekuru Shumba," said Ms Banda.

Was he also an inventor, perchance?

FTA: He, however, decided to dispose of it after it started "to make extreme demands.''

Wanted to be fed after midnight, didn't it?

FTA: Ms Banda - who was slightly injured by debris - says she later disappeared from the scene before crowds gathered.

Always wise to flee an arson scene when you're the arsonist, after all...

FTA: She claims to have miraculously escaped after failing to land the major role of conducting the ceremony. In a state of shock, she ran to her nearby home soon after the blast.

Did I start reading the article again halfway down the page?
 
2013-01-28 07:28:46 AM

SkunkWerks: also, also:

"imported goblin"

Imported from where?

FTA: "She claims to have miraculously escaped after failing to land the major role of conducting the ceremony."

O_o

Is that anything like failing to land a major role in the production of Grease?

FTA: "The tragedy fell upon us while we were conducting the ceremony to dispose of the goblin that this businessman brought to Sekuru Shumba," said Ms Banda.

Was he also an inventor, perchance?

FTA: He, however, decided to dispose of it after it started "to make extreme demands.''

Wanted to be fed after midnight, didn't it?

FTA: Ms Banda - who was slightly injured by debris - says she later disappeared from the scene before crowds gathered.

Always wise to flee an arson scene when you're the arsonist, after all...

FTA: She claims to have miraculously escaped after failing to land the major role of conducting the ceremony. In a state of shock, she ran to her nearby home soon after the blast.

Did I start reading the article again halfway down the page?


www.jonathanrosenbaum.com
 
2013-01-28 07:29:40 AM
Well, that was informative. Where do I get my own goblin?
 
2013-01-28 07:30:10 AM
This is why Africa continues to be in the sad shape it's in.

They need to at least get with the monotheistic program if they want to emerge from the stone age.
 
2013-01-28 07:34:06 AM
According to the traditional healer, Mr Kamuyedza acquired a money-spinning goblin from a nearby country to boost the fortunes of his transport business.

He, however, decided to dispose of it after it started "to make extreme demands.''


farm6.staticflickr.com
 
2013-01-28 07:34:55 AM
The story appeared to be written in English but I'll be damned if I can figure it out...

I did like this story off to the side though where "A Harare woman lost more than $3 000 to a "miracle worker" who lied that he could multiply her money through traditional means"

Traditional means?  That his bail was only $100 was kind of amusing too.
 
2013-01-28 07:37:56 AM
I was walking along the road the other day and I met a little man sitting on the verge with his head between his legs. "Are you a goblin?" I asked. "No" he replied "I've got a nose bleed."

/thanks, folks
//here all week
 
2013-01-28 07:38:38 AM

stratagos: I'm in the wrong line of work


No kidding
 
2013-01-28 07:40:26 AM

Recoil Therapy: The story appeared to be written in English but I'll be damned if I can figure it out...

I did like this story off to the side though where "A Harare woman lost more than $3 000 to a "miracle worker" who lied that he could multiply her money through traditional means"

Traditional means?  That his bail was only $100 was kind of amusing too.


This is Zimabwe. He's being fined a piece of dandruff for stealing a shirt button.
 
2013-01-28 07:40:28 AM
Ah Zimbabwe, making a strong case for white minority rule.
Looks like the stupid have taken over the country and are breeding like rats. Calling your son "Clever" as christian name does not actually make him clever, it just proves that you are pathetically stupid.
And that article proves it, complete shiate that left me none the wiser. I'm left wondering if the "goblin" wasn't some unfortunate slave that they were murdering. Possibly with a hand grenade.
 
2013-01-28 07:40:30 AM
I've never known a goblin to explode after being beheaded.
 
2013-01-28 07:42:12 AM
I've always heard goblins were a blast
 
2013-01-28 07:42:15 AM
Can someone get some "WTF am I reading" pics in here please?
 
2013-01-28 07:42:28 AM
Perhaps it would have led to greater clarity in the article if the author had taken a sentence or two to explain just what the fark a money spinning goblin is.
 
2013-01-28 07:43:39 AM

SkunkWerks: also, also:

"imported goblin"

Imported from where?

FTA: "She claims to have miraculously escaped after failing to land the major role of conducting the ceremony."

O_o

Is that anything like failing to land a major role in the production of Grease?

FTA: "The tragedy fell upon us while we were conducting the ceremony to dispose of the goblin that this businessman brought to Sekuru Shumba," said Ms Banda.

Was he also an inventor, perchance?

FTA: He, however, decided to dispose of it after it started "to make extreme demands.''

Wanted to be fed after midnight, didn't it?

FTA: Ms Banda - who was slightly injured by debris - says she later disappeared from the scene before crowds gathered.

Always wise to flee an arson scene when you're the arsonist, after all...

FTA: She claims to have miraculously escaped after failing to land the major role of conducting the ceremony. In a state of shock, she ran to her nearby home soon after the blast.

Did I start reading the article again halfway down the page?


This is the story that never ends, and it goes on and on my friends . . .
 
2013-01-28 07:43:59 AM

Dogsbody: Perhaps it would have led to greater clarity in the article if the author had taken a sentence or two to explain just what the fark a money spinning goblin is.


It's one of these:

3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-01-28 07:44:37 AM

jtown: According to the traditional healer, Mr Kamuyedza acquired a money-spinning goblin from a nearby country to boost the fortunes of his transport business.

He, however, decided to dispose of it after it started "to make extreme demands.''



addictivestory.files.wordpress.com
"Magic always comes with a price, dearie."
 
2013-01-28 07:45:26 AM
Oops. Forgot to post the link:

http://www.newsdzezimbabwe.co.uk/2012/08/zhombe-family-flees-goblins .h tml

"A 53-year-old Zhombe man and his family have reportedly fled their home after

"money-spinning" goblins (zvikwambo) he acquired from South Africa allegedly started baying for his blood."
 
2013-01-28 07:45:28 AM

Dogsbody: Perhaps it would have led to greater clarity in the article if the author had taken a sentence or two to explain just what the fark a money spinning goblin is.


I'd love some helpful pics of what a money spinning goblin might look like.

Or a spinning money goblin, I'm easy.
 
2013-01-28 07:46:21 AM
img.ccgdb.com
 
2013-01-28 07:47:16 AM

Sybarite: [img.ccgdb.com image 200x285]


www.blackborder.com
 
2013-01-28 07:47:28 AM

On the Side: I've never known a goblin to explode after being beheaded.


My "goblin" often "explodes" after it gets head - so I see nothing wrong with . . .

Wait, behead? Oh no, no I can't approve of that.
 
2013-01-28 07:51:44 AM
http://tinyurl.com/b7jr4ta

"Now, for the entrapment, we're going to have to ask you for four big ones, four thousand dollars, but we are having a special on proton charging, and storage of the beast, and that's only going to come to one thousand dollars."
 
2013-01-28 07:51:54 AM

On the Side: Dogsbody: Perhaps it would have led to greater clarity in the article if the author had taken a sentence or two to explain just what the fark a money spinning goblin is.

I'd love some helpful pics of what a money spinning goblin might look like.

Or a spinning money goblin, I'm easy.


Well,I decided to check using google, but by page 16 of GIS I discovered what I can only describe as WoW porn.

Wow, Indeed.

Nerds.
 
2013-01-28 07:52:20 AM
Here, let me try.

One woman escaped serious injury after failed bombing attempt, which is believed to have occurred due to a disagreement over the price of a failed palm reading.
 
2013-01-28 07:52:25 AM
I typically just flood the surface with magma. Quite effective

media.desura.com
 
2013-01-28 07:53:36 AM
How much do they charge for Trolls?
 
2013-01-28 07:53:44 AM
wow - it's like the article was almost written in English.... was that a translation from somewhere else?

mostly, though, I was completely like, "WTF?"......
 
2013-01-28 07:54:04 AM
This goblin business will get out of control. It'll get out of control and we'll be lucky to live through it.

Sadly for this family, they didn't live through it.
http://zimbabweonlinepress.com/index.php?news=1609
 
2013-01-28 07:54:20 AM
Anybody know WTF is going on here..?
 
2013-01-28 07:54:31 AM

untaken_name: Dogsbody: Perhaps it would have led to greater clarity in the article if the author had taken a sentence or two to explain just what the fark a money spinning goblin is.

It's one of these:


Well, thanks, that clears that right up.

/no it doesnt
 
2013-01-28 07:54:43 AM

Sneakernets: by page 16 of GIS I discovered what I can only describe as WoW porn.


Pretty much every GIS devolves into porn of one kind or another by that late in the game, to be fair.
 
2013-01-28 07:56:43 AM

Hanky: RobertBruce: Sgt Otter: $15,000 for a one Hit Die creature? I'd do it for 20 gp.

A spanish doubloon was just under an ounce - $1660 today.   You'd charge more than they did!

How about 40 silver?


Well, Judas did it for 30 silver so...

/Ducks
 
2013-01-28 07:58:02 AM
(Adds "cleansing the goblin" to list of masturbation euphemisms)
 
2013-01-28 07:58:13 AM

SkunkWerks: Sneakernets: by page 16 of GIS I discovered what I can only describe as WoW porn.

Pretty much every GIS devolves into porn of one kind or another by that late in the game, to be fair.


It was still relevant somehow. That's the scary part.

Rule 34 is horribly real.
 
2013-01-28 08:01:12 AM

Sneakernets: On the Side: Dogsbody: Perhaps it would have led to greater clarity in the article if the author had taken a sentence or two to explain just what the fark a money spinning goblin is.

I'd love some helpful pics of what a money spinning goblin might look like.

Or a spinning money goblin, I'm easy.

Well,I decided to check using google, but by page 16 of GIS I discovered what I can only describe as WoW porn.

Wow, Indeed.

Nerds.


Thanks for the effort, on my phone or I may have tried.

Now I'm just imagining a gimp named goblin.

/bring out the money gimp
 
2013-01-28 08:03:09 AM
*OMG* the goblin had explosive diarrhea duh!!
 
2013-01-28 08:06:51 AM

untaken_name: Oops. Forgot to post the link:

http://www.newsdzezimbabwe.co.uk/2012/08/zhombe-family-flees-goblins .h tml

"A 53-year-old Zhombe man and his family have reportedly fled their home after

"money-spinning" goblins (zvikwambo) he acquired from South Africa allegedly started baying for his blood."


What a Zhombe man and his family might look like...
i260.photobucket.com
 
2013-01-28 08:07:15 AM
There's another article that says $40,000 that had been hidden in the house is now missing. There is at least one person of normal intelligence in the town - "Felix Muchemwa, a retired brigadier general, has already concluded that the blast was caused by a bomb. "There is no mysticism involved. All the signs point to an incendiary bomb," he said this week."

That just brings it down to the level of normal everyday human coontishness. A goblin would've been so much cooler. Maybe not one of the big, heavily armed ones. Just a little one that would bring you a beer and tell you who's going to win in the 3.30 at Kempton Park.
 
2013-01-28 08:07:51 AM

On the Side: I've never known a goblin to explode after being beheaded.


Your DM sucks.
 
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