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(Salon)   Salon turns to porn. I mean, erotic fiction. I mean, nonfiction about the massage industry. I mean, porn   (salon.com) divider line 73
    More: Strange, preschool teacher, Alameda, Sex Therapy, becky, Medical glove, Department of Consumer Affairs  
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12293 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Jan 2013 at 9:18 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



73 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

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2013-01-27 05:26:54 PM
That's hysterical.
 
vpb [TotalFark]
2013-01-27 09:11:51 PM
You had me at porn.
 
2013-01-27 09:22:25 PM
Whatever pays the rent
 
2013-01-27 09:24:04 PM
RTFA - saves fapping time.

/filthy perverts!
 
2013-01-27 09:24:35 PM
Anything to get clicks.

/and it's working!
 
2013-01-27 09:25:28 PM

super_grass: Anything to get clicks.

/and it's working!


Yours click when you fap, too?
 
2013-01-27 09:27:53 PM
That New Age stuff isn't really my cup of tea, but they sounded like nice people. More power to them.
 
2013-01-27 09:28:38 PM
Go on...
 
2013-01-27 09:30:34 PM
What a lucky SOB that guy is.
 
2013-01-27 09:31:40 PM
So, Salon is subscribing to Kristen's Collection, now?
 
2013-01-27 09:35:47 PM
"following a second explosive orgasm that did not quite reach my foot"

Come again?
 
2013-01-27 09:39:03 PM
Women read erotica to explore their sexuality-good, men watch porn because they are perverts-bad.
Got it.
 
2013-01-27 09:39:11 PM

The Ghost of Tom Ace: "following a second explosive orgasm that did not quite reach my foot"

Come again?


Keyboard and monitor.
 
2013-01-27 09:45:03 PM
*reads half of the article*

I need an adult.
 
2013-01-27 09:47:14 PM
Her back arcs, butt hovering in the air, and clear liquid begins spraying out from between her legs. With this, a droplet of ejaculate lands on my shoe.

Hawt. Had a GF who squirted regularly. Best. Sex. EVAR.
 
2013-01-27 09:47:41 PM
www.afromontreal.com
 
2013-01-27 09:49:13 PM
i172.photobucket.com
 
2013-01-27 09:49:56 PM
why does no one ever remember their past life where they were a serf, or a slave? No, they always remember being someone bloody important
 
2013-01-27 09:51:20 PM

megarian: *reads half of the article*

I need an adult.


On Fark? Good luck!
 
2013-01-27 09:51:49 PM
I don't know about you guys but I'm just going to yell "rub your cl1t!" more often.
 
2013-01-27 09:54:20 PM
sexological bodyworker

images3.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2013-01-27 09:55:11 PM

Richard Freckle: I don't know about you guys but I'm just going to yell "rub your cl1t!" more often.


Yea, but you likely sound like Gilbert Gottfried when you try that, instead drop your voice as low as you can, then look her in the eyes and tell her rub your clit in a manner that sounds like it should be backed by smooth jazz music.
 
2013-01-27 09:57:33 PM

loonatic112358: Richard Freckle: I don't know about you guys but I'm just going to yell "rub your cl1t!" more often.

Yea, but you likely sound like Gilbert Gottfried when you try that, instead drop your voice as low as you can, then look her in the eyes and tell her rub your clit in a manner that sounds like it should be backed by smooth jazz music.


The article uses the phrase "Sexual Healing" about a dozen times.
 
2013-01-27 09:58:09 PM
How come I never saw this offered at the Job Fair?
 
2013-01-27 09:58:44 PM

UsikFark: loonatic112358: Richard Freckle: I don't know about you guys but I'm just going to yell "rub your cl1t!" more often.

Yea, but you likely sound like Gilbert Gottfried when you try that, instead drop your voice as low as you can, then look her in the eyes and tell her rub your clit in a manner that sounds like it should be backed by smooth jazz music.

The article uses the phrase "Sexual Healing" about a dozen times.


clearly a hint
 
2013-01-27 10:00:21 PM
Jen, who was formerly a preschool teacher who offered Reiki, clairvoyance and "intuitive counseling" services on the side

she can read a client's mind and tell that she's thinking naughty thoughts


This can't be for real.
 
2013-01-27 10:03:18 PM
That article really bothered me. They mixed non-sexual disciplines with sexual ones and charged money. This is a very unhealthy crossing of boundaries and it is highly inappropriate.
 
2013-01-27 10:06:10 PM
-1
I was expecting porn, not a bunch of reading.
 
2013-01-27 10:12:58 PM
"As Becky's moans deepen, he announces, 'K, I'm going inside.'"

I lolled
 
2013-01-27 10:15:06 PM
"Ben intensifies his hand movements and then yells, 'Push it out! Let it go! Surrender to the process!'"

Sounds like my boss
 
2013-01-27 10:17:41 PM
$400?
How about a Tony Robbins self help cd and a Butterfly Kiss 'massager'? Serves the same purpose and is less than $50 for the pair.
 
2013-01-27 10:19:21 PM
FTFA: "Let your goddess out!"

Unfortunately for him, my goddess turned out to be Kali.
 
2013-01-27 10:20:47 PM
As I read the article, I went WTF? But then I saw the keyword: California. And then I questioned no more

/California
//Damn hippies
 
2013-01-27 10:21:14 PM
I have the weirdest boner right now.
 
2013-01-27 10:22:36 PM
FTA: In the denouement to Becky's session, following a second explosive orgasm that did not quite reach my foot, the flushed 31-year-old yoga instructor showered and got dressed. Then she sat down with me next to a table bearing a crystal ball and tarot-like Oracle Cards. "It doesn't feel sexual at all," she says, wearing a blissed-out expression

It is sexual, you are a john and the person you paid for sex is a prostitute.

There's nothing necessarily WRONG with that, but I dislike how we perceive anything to do with a woman's sexuality as wholesome and pure, while anything involving a man's is creepy and perverted. The fact that she got more out of the transaction than just an orgasm doesn't change that - many prostitutes offer ancillary benefits (massages, the girlfriend experience, etc) as well. I worked behind the front desk of a hotel for a few years and spoke with plenty of prostitutes (management felt that as long as they were discreet it was OK). Many of them describe the job as being about half therapist.
 
2013-01-27 10:23:16 PM

He_Hate_Me: "Ben intensifies his hand movements and then yells, 'Push it out! Let it go! Surrender to the process!'"

Sounds like my boss


LOL glad I'm not the only one.
 
2013-01-27 10:24:36 PM
God, why do people have to complicate the shiat out of sex???
 
2013-01-27 10:26:49 PM
From TFA:
"Meanwhile, Ben's 31-year-old wife, Jen, who is five months pregnant, performs Reiki, floating her hands over Becky's head and neck, asking questions about a past life as a queen."

That's how you know they're entirely full of shiat.
 
2013-01-27 10:27:35 PM

He_Hate_Me: "Ben intensifies his hand movements and then yells, 'Push it out! Let it go! Surrender to the process!'"

Sounds like my boss


I'm gonna start yelling "Surrender to the process" during sex.
 
2013-01-27 10:27:47 PM
Wow, $497 to light a fire, set out some crystals, play some Yanni on the stereo, and masturbate a ditzy woman's brains out. You could pick a worse career path.
 
2013-01-27 10:31:45 PM

stiletto_the_wise: Wow, $497 to light a fire, set out some crystals, play some Yanni on the stereo, and masturbate a ditzy woman's brains out. You could pick a worse career path.


I am in the wrong line of work.

This brings up stories of Victorian doctors who would "relieve" women of their stresses with similar gynecological manipulation.  One got so tired of it he invented a vibratory device that worked much better than his hands.
 
2013-01-27 10:35:22 PM
Surrender to the process!

i.imgur.com

Also...

The Ghost of Tom Ace: What a lucky SOB that guy is.


Until this woman shows up for a "healing" session

/Sorry
 
2013-01-27 10:37:09 PM

Gunther: FTA: In the denouement to Becky's session, following a second explosive orgasm that did not quite reach my foot, the flushed 31-year-old yoga instructor showered and got dressed. Then she sat down with me next to a table bearing a crystal ball and tarot-like Oracle Cards. "It doesn't feel sexual at all," she says, wearing a blissed-out expression

It is sexual, you are a john and the person you paid for sex is a prostitute.

There's nothing necessarily WRONG with that, but I dislike how we perceive anything to do with a woman's sexuality as wholesome and pure, while anything involving a man's is creepy and perverted. The fact that she got more out of the transaction than just an orgasm doesn't change that - many prostitutes offer ancillary benefits (massages, the girlfriend experience, etc) as well. I worked behind the front desk of a hotel for a few years and spoke with plenty of prostitutes (management felt that as long as they were discreet it was OK). Many of them describe the job as being about half therapist.


Good points. Just like defining what is and is not "sexual" (think of the late 1800s manual stimulation to relieve hysteria, which was not considered sexual at all, but rather medical), the relationships between the people in this story are wholly defined by cultural categories. Many folks will say this is clearly prostitution, and clearly sexual - but it doesn't have to be. The moralizing against and marginalization of sex work(ers) is a bigger contributor to the crappy side effects of the business - the risk, the bad dates, the shame - than the actual acts or even the exchange of money for physical interaction.

Btw, check out Chester Brown's awesome graphic novel Paying For It.
 
2013-01-27 10:47:00 PM
Ben is licensed in the state of California as a sexological bodyworker.

I need to move there and change careers.
 
2013-01-27 10:51:52 PM
I don't consider porn a dirty word until it involves Sonic the Hedgehog.

/I still post on Topless Robot, why do you ask
 
2013-01-27 10:56:12 PM
zeldalily.com
Author
 
2013-01-27 11:00:07 PM
In other news I am packing my bags, moving to Cali and looking up Massage Therapy schools.

Screw finishing my Mechanical Engineering Degree
 
2013-01-27 11:01:53 PM
I would put good money down that a simple gender swap on the subject matter would have the article transformed from a sultry expose of candles and New Age music and goddesses to a polemic on the sexual abuse these poor women must have gone through to be reduced to pleasuring men in the name of "therapy", culminating with a horrifying anecdote about the man's ejaculate landing on the writer's shoe, violating her body. But her mind had already been violated long before that.
 
2013-01-27 11:03:28 PM

misanthropologist: Many folks will say this is clearly prostitution, and clearly sexual - but it doesn't have to be.


I agree with the rest of your post but well... when one person is paying another to bring them to orgasm, it's hard to see how it isn't sexual. That said; I have absolutely no problems with that. Prostitution should be a legal, respectable and well regulated industry. Prohibition doesn't work.
 
2013-01-27 11:18:14 PM

misanthropologist: From TFA:
"Meanwhile, Ben's 31-year-old wife, Jen, who is five months pregnant, performs Reiki, floating her hands over Becky's head and neck, asking questions about a past life as a queen."

That's how you know they're entirely full of shiat.


It was the word "Reiki" that did it for me.

Gunther: FTA: In the denouement to Becky's session, following a second explosive orgasm that did not quite reach my foot, the flushed 31-year-old yoga instructor showered and got dressed. Then she sat down with me next to a table bearing a crystal ball and tarot-like Oracle Cards. "It doesn't feel sexual at all," she says, wearing a blissed-out expression

It is sexual, you are a john and the person you paid for sex is a prostitute.


Yeah, my reading of that was more "what men define as sexual does not completely overlap with what women define as sexual". She just got some variation on a happy ending and doesn't see it.

/ SURRENDER TO THE PROCESS.
 
2013-01-27 11:19:43 PM
mlkshk.com
 
2013-01-27 11:21:09 PM

thenino85: reduced to pleasuring men in the name of "therapy", culminating with a horrifying anecdote about the man's ejaculate landing on the writer's shoe, violating her body. But her mind had already been violated long before that.


*fap*
 
2013-01-27 11:21:12 PM

He_Hate_Me: "Ben intensifies his hand movements and then yells, 'Push it out! Let it go! Surrender to the process!'"

Sounds like my boss


"Re-prioritize your action items, Becky!"

Gunther: Many of them describe the job as being about half therapist.


While I do think that there's a niche to be filled by a class of legitimate licensed therapist that deals with helping people (especially couples) resolve sexual problems in a... ahem... hands-on approach, I don't think crystals, past lives, or clairvoyance have any place in the process.

I think the main problem here is that these people have an idea of what they want to accomplish, but have no actual research to base their practice on. It may seem silly to legitimize their new-age nonsense now, but if you give it a decade or two, actual doctors may get behind the idea and draw up a legitimate framework for the process.

Podmore: [zeldalily.com image 325x609]
Author


Are those the shoes she was wearing in the interview? I need to know for my... it's important.
 
2013-01-27 11:37:00 PM

misanthropologist: Many folks will say this is clearly prostitution, and clearly sexual - but it doesn't have to be


I agree. Paying for gratification is prostitution. Paying for sexual education, or help with psycho-sexual problems is... something else. Just because part of the therapy might take the form of sex, or include some sexual contact doesn't mean the services are the same.

Not that I have a problem with either service being practiced, but they are functionally different.
 
2013-01-27 11:57:35 PM
*** SPOILER ALERT - SPOILER ALERT ***

So, at the end, the chick pisses on the reporter's shoe.

Hey mommy's basement dwellers! In your new training film packet you got in the mail, that's not woman nut gravy coming out, that's piss.
 
2013-01-27 11:58:36 PM
massage pron is smoking hot. sex is fun. too bad politicians come from wealthy powerful families who can easily afford any of lifes pleasures. it makes it too easy for them to ignore that other adults have perfectly natural needs and wants. it is grand hypocrisy sexual services are termed illegal/crime should you choose to participate.
 
2013-01-27 11:59:08 PM

DLinds: $400?
How about a Tony Robbins self help cd and a Butterfly Kiss 'massager'? Serves the same purpose and is less than $50 for the pair.


It's cheaper than a prostate exam.
 
2013-01-28 12:28:34 AM

illannoyin:

.

Until this woman shows up for a "healing" session

/Sorry


New record for a single thread: 2 keyboards and a monitor.
 
2013-01-28 12:38:29 AM

Tumunga: *** SPOILER ALERT - SPOILER ALERT ***

So, at the end, the chick pisses on the reporter's shoe.

Hey mommy's basement dwellers! In your new training film packet you got in the mail, that's not woman nut gravy coming out, that's piss.


If you'd ever been with a squirter you'd know that's not true. Female ejaculate is clear (slightly cloudy), not yellow, and it smells nothing like piss.
 
2013-01-28 12:38:56 AM

zerostatik: In other news I am packing my bags, moving to Cali and looking up Massage Therapy schools.

Screw finishing my Mechanical Engineering Degree


Good luck since no reputable school is going to "teach" you this wacky shait.
 
2013-01-28 01:14:18 AM

Lady Beryl Ersatz-Wendigo: FTFA: "Let your goddess out!"

Unfortunately for him, my goddess turned out to be Kali.


Oglaf

Second Oglaf link in two weeks
VERY NSFW ... you have been warned
 
2013-01-28 02:10:27 AM

LesterB: Lady Beryl Ersatz-Wendigo: FTFA: "Let your goddess out!"

Unfortunately for him, my goddess turned out to be Kali.


Oglaf


Second Oglaf link in two weeks

VERY NSFW ... you have been warned


It appears to be broken.

 
2013-01-28 02:30:55 AM

not_an_indigo: LesterB: Lady Beryl Ersatz-Wendigo: FTFA: "Let your goddess out!"

Unfortunately for him, my goddess turned out to be Kali.

Oglaf

Second Oglaf link in two weeks
VERY NSFW ... you have been warned

It appears to be broken.


Link works for me. Goes to the warning page. Click the button and you see... well, it's really NSFW.
/lamenting the lack of multi-page stories lately
 
2013-01-28 03:31:25 AM

loonatic112358: why does no one ever remember their past life where they were a serf, or a slave? No, they always remember being someone bloody important


Statistically speaking, most previous lives would have likely ended in infant death, which explains why not everybody remembers anything.
 
2013-01-28 07:37:04 AM
Dear Penthouse;

I never thought this would happen to me but I had just printed off a Reiki healing certificate when a 31 year old yoga instructor walked in for a healing lesson with me and my girlfriend.
 
2013-01-28 07:42:05 AM

fusillade762: Her back arcs, butt hovering in the air, and clear liquid begins spraying out from between her legs. With this, a droplet of ejaculate lands on my shoe.

Hawt. Had a GF who squirted regularly. Best. Sex. EVAR.


Congratulations. You got peed on.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/ 21995650/?i=73&from=female%20ejaculati on
 
2013-01-28 08:40:11 AM
A few things...

1) Photoshoppers, I need some "Surrender to the process!" memes stat.

2) So...you were a teenager when you learned that you were fixated on having sex with women? How unique!

3) A woman paid $500 to have a threesome. So, if I call it therapy, will this work on my wife?
 
2013-01-28 09:32:49 AM
This had 69 comments before I added mine.

So consider my comment a finger in the orifice of your choice.
 
2013-01-28 09:50:09 AM
And somehow a "rub and a tug" is illegal?
 
2013-01-28 10:20:30 AM
Not that I know this person's personal situation, but what's truly farked up to me is that our culture is so stupidly repressive when it comes to sexuality that having a big, giant orgasm has to be wrapped up in pseudo-psychologic bullshiat that costs $500, rather than something that everyone learns and shares with their partner.
 
2013-01-28 10:25:46 AM
"Pussy really is the main motivating factor in all of humankind. It really is. It's what gets shiat built. [reacting to applause from the audience]: I'm not 'yeah' for pussy. This is a flaw in the system, don't clap for it! [I'm] saying, they know that is a catalyst, and that's why religion and government have to control supply and demand of pussy. And they do that by heaping shame upon you should you want to give away more than the 'federally allocated recommended daily allowance of pussy'. "Oh, she wants to suck more than one dick?! Whore! Shun your natural instinct, whore, or nothing'll get built." - It comes down to production, it really does. They have to keep that pussy like a dangling carrot, something that's hard to get so he keeps running on the treadmill, building more shiat, sending out more boxes to the dollar store, pointless shiat that no one needs. - That's why cocaine is illegal: it makes pussy too easy to get." - Doug Stanhope

Doug Stanhope - Pussy Shame & Cocaine
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DAYNwC-aMgQ
 
2013-01-28 10:46:46 AM
Little man in a boat approves.
 
2013-01-28 03:13:54 PM

fusillade762: Tumunga: *** SPOILER ALERT - SPOILER ALERT ***

So, at the end, the chick pisses on the reporter's shoe.

Hey mommy's basement dwellers! In your new training film packet you got in the mail, that's not woman nut gravy coming out, that's piss.

If you'd ever been with a squirter you'd know that's not true. Female ejaculate is clear (slightly cloudy), not yellow, and it smells nothing like piss.


Sorry, son. It's piss. Women have nothing up their snatch that is the female version of the prostate. If you're with a squiter, you know from now on she's pissing on you. In some cultures, it's acceptable. Enjoy getting pissed on.

For you Farkers, If the piss is coming out yellow, she's a little dehydrated, and needs some water. If it's cloudy, she has a bladder infection. Get her some cranberry juice.
 
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