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(1 Corinthians 7:5)   And God spoke and saith, "have a lot of sex to keep Satan away." And lo, Bible study just got awesome   (biblegateway.com) divider line 88
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13925 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Jan 2013 at 8:29 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-27 09:30:10 PM  
i291.photobucket.com
 
2013-01-27 09:31:10 PM  

Martian_Astronomer: :"totally would have been okay with it if he'd just known some gay people."


That is the qualifier that people use to change their opinion on a host of issues, whether they know somebody who is in x situation.
 
2013-01-27 09:34:32 PM  
jp3.r0tt.com

/bears repeating
 
2013-01-27 09:35:00 PM  

Martian_Astronomer: Paul, like most of the apostles in the first century, believed that the world was about to end, and that therefore a Christian should devote his whole life to evangelism and remaining holy until the end came.


This is probably the one thing that most god-botherers (my best friend's phrase for these folks) don't really get about the Bible and especially the Gospels and Paul in particular. They all believed that Jesus was going to be returning very soon, as in immediately, and so people needed to live as if the world was going to end in the next few weeks. All these moral imperatives and physical restrictions are comparatively easy to maintain for a little while if you think god is coming in a normal human life; but not so much if it's been 2000 years and still no sign of god returning.
 
2013-01-27 09:39:28 PM  
Read it or spread it!
 
2013-01-27 09:44:06 PM  

UsikFark: George Babbitt: George Babbitt: UsikFark: George Babbitt: Read it while remembering that time is linear in the bible and it works.

I googled the time is linear concept in relation to the bible, and found that the bible does NOT consider time to be linear. I can't figure out what they are going on about, though.

Who did you find that said that?

Did I just get rolled?

No. Not to be a dick, but here is a "let me google that for you" link, so you can see what I saw. I looked at several of the sources on the first page and all I got was that the Hebrews thought about time in a way that was somehow different from our current past-present-future idea.

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=time+is+linear+in+the+bible


I think that when you consider that Christ was the Last Adam as a response to the First Adam. And that Christ is also the First Fruits of the Coming Harvest in the Future(metaphorical references to the Resurrection), then it takes on a linear nature. That Christ was an intervention on time to deal with the past so that humanity had a future. Time in the bible has a beginning and an end. It has direction, it is going somewhere. Just because God may have a Dr. Manhattan view of time, doesn't mean that we do or that it was made for to have a view like that. The bible starts with 'in the beginning' and ends with a statement that God is 'coming soon'.
 
2013-01-27 09:45:22 PM  

Gyrfalcon: Martian_Astronomer: Paul, like most of the apostles in the first century, believed that the world was about to end, and that therefore a Christian should devote his whole life to evangelism and remaining holy until the end came.

This is probably the one thing that most god-botherers (my best friend's phrase for these folks) don't really get about the Bible and especially the Gospels and Paul in particular. They all believed that Jesus was going to be returning very soon, as in immediately, and so people needed to live as if the world was going to end in the next few weeks. All these moral imperatives and physical restrictions are comparatively easy to maintain for a little while if you think god is coming in a normal human life; but not so much if it's been 2000 years and still no sign of god returning.


Look up Preterism or Partial-Preterism, it attempts(somewhat successfully)to address these issues.
 
2013-01-27 09:46:39 PM  

ladyfortuna: Out of my husband and his five sisters, I doubt more than 1-2 of them have any idea about that, and their mom was raised Catholic before she lapsed as an adult. She never saw the point in indoctrinating them (no matter your flavor, there is a certain amount of that, especially with Catholics).


My point wasn't so much that they'd know all that offhand as that they'd have the cultural context to work it out with like five minutes of google instead of having to wiki-walk for hours to piece it together like someone raised, say, Buddhist in rural China might need to. They'd know who Paul was, why he was important, and that Corinthians was part of the new testament set after the resurrection. If you have those core pieces, fitting the rest together's pretty trivial even without the internet, and essentially effortless with it.

Honestly, as Catholics that went through confirmation, once they saw the word "epistle" in the wiki article regarding the book being quoted they'd immediately have the vast majority of the context down, because you're literally quizzed on that shiat before you become a full member of the cult. That's sort of a different issue than general cultural awareness, though. More on the order of how most people can remember the shiat they learned in junior high, given a minute of thought.
 
2013-01-27 09:57:58 PM  
Two guys in white dress shirts with black name tags knocked on my door this morning. They said "We encourage you to read the Bible more." I thanked them and shut the door in their faces.
 
2013-01-27 10:00:14 PM  
I use I Corinthians 7, which also says that the only reason to get married is if you're so horny you can't keep your pants zipped, all the time with my New Testament students to point out hypocrisy and inconsistency in biblical interpretation.
 
2013-01-27 10:24:13 PM  

Donnchadha: Out of context Bible quotes get greenlights now?


Wait... what Bible are you reading? Because that's totally in context in mine.

/yes I, an atheist, own a Bible
//Try not to faint
 
2013-01-27 10:24:37 PM  

HairBolus: KJ instead implies that even if you can control your actions, Satan might tempt you in your dreams and cause an involuntary nocturnal emission which I guess is a big no-no. After all, God killed Onan because he didn't deposit his semen in a vagina.


Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate
 
2013-01-27 10:36:17 PM  

HairBolus: KJ instead implies that even if you can control your actions, Satan might tempt you in your dreams and cause an involuntary nocturnal emission which I guess is a big no-no. After all, God killed Onan because he didn't deposit his semen in a vagina.


Given the context of the Onan story, God didn't kill him for pulling out early, so much as for refusing to sire an heir for his dead brother, (which was considered to be his responsibility.) However, between the ceremonial laws regarding semen and Jesus' admonition that lust is a damnable offense equivalent to adultery, there's certainly precedent for regarding a wet dream as a moral failing. And, of course, whacking it is right out.

/ Fun fact: In conservative evangelical churches, the primary function of "men's groups" is to serve as the fap police
// I'm guessing you probably knew all this already
 
2013-01-27 10:41:39 PM  
Ezekiel 23:20
There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.
 
2013-01-27 10:50:55 PM  

Marine1: The loosest interpretation of the Bible as it relates to sex... evar.

/you bet your brown cherry it's NSFW


Fantastic, now to find some Fundamentalist college girls...
 
2013-01-27 10:58:38 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2013-01-27 11:07:14 PM  

WyDave: "Eat the fat and drink sweet wine".


Heard that one in church today.
 
2013-01-27 11:34:21 PM  

bmr68: Two guys in white dress shirts with black name tags knocked on my door this morning. They said "We encourage you to read the Bible more." I thanked them and shut the door in their faces.


Wrong response. You should have asked them why they are violating God's command to not judge others. How do they know you don't read the shiat out of the Bible? Judgemental busybodies
 
2013-01-27 11:39:41 PM  
And then there's the Song of Solomon, which goes into a lot more detail than that.

The Christian view of how to live should be moderation. It's not anything goes, but it's not everything is forbidden.
 
2013-01-27 11:58:42 PM  

Smeggy Smurf: bmr68: Two guys in white dress shirts with black name tags knocked on my door this morning. They said "We encourage you to read the Bible more." I thanked them and shut the door in their faces.

Wrong response. You should have asked them why they are violating God's command to not judge others. How do they know you don't read the shiat out of the Bible? Judgemental busybodies


Correct, but they were just kids reading from a script.
 
2013-01-28 12:07:31 AM  
The Children of God (aka The Family or whatever they call themselves today) had this covered long ago.
 
2013-01-28 12:13:49 AM  
I don't need a pretend man in the sky watching and judging me to be a good person. Once you make that transition you realize churches are really more like social clubs. I suppose if you are ignorant and are a complete narcissist then you might need some threat like that to curb your behavior but there are enough horrible things in holy books you can always just twist the words until you can do what you want anyway.

As long as no one is hurt, and all parties are consenting and able to give that consent, well then, do whatever you want. So sayeth the Lord Useless.
 
2013-01-28 12:41:42 AM  
Woohoo!
fark your woman, fark your man,
It is all part of gods plan
Mormons help god as they can,
Here in Salt Lake City land!
 
2013-01-28 12:56:33 AM  

Gyrfalcon: Martian_Astronomer: Paul, like most of the apostles in the first century, believed that the world was about to end, and that therefore a Christian should devote his whole life to evangelism and remaining holy until the end came.

This is probably the one thing that most god-botherers (my best friend's phrase for these folks) don't really get about the Bible and especially the Gospels and Paul in particular. They all believed that Jesus was going to be returning very soon, as in immediately, and so people needed to live as if the world was going to end in the next few weeks. All these moral imperatives and physical restrictions are comparatively easy to maintain for a little while if you think god is coming in a normal human life; but not so much if it's been 2000 years and still no sign of god returning.


Hmmm, I don't think I could work on some guy for 2000 years without him coming ; )
 
2013-01-28 01:02:45 AM  
I suspect that verses like this, combined with others that set the husband as the final authority in the household, made it easier to justify laws in the West that defined spousal rape as a non-criminal act. Not a fan.
 
2013-01-28 01:11:18 AM  
Talk about REALLY not news.
 
2013-01-28 01:30:20 AM  

Marine1: The loosest interpretation of the Bible as it relates to sex... evar.

/you bet your brown cherry it's NSFW


"a couple should first look deeply into their own hearts and pray for guidance as to whether it is wise for the wife to fist the husband"

Just plain awesome :)

/not sure if serious
 
2013-01-28 01:33:43 AM  

George Babbitt: That Christ was an intervention on time to deal with the past so that humanity had a future.


Mcfly?
 
2013-01-28 01:57:22 AM  

bmr68: Smeggy Smurf: bmr68: Two guys in white dress shirts with black name tags knocked on my door this morning. They said "We encourage you to read the Bible more." I thanked them and shut the door in their faces.

Wrong response. You should have asked them why they are violating God's command to not judge others. How do they know you don't read the shiat out of the Bible? Judgemental busybodies

Correct, but they were just kids reading from a script.


You missed your chance to fark up their world view. The good thing is the dumbasses will come back. With a script of your own you can easily tie them up for a half hour, make them have to think about their answers and generally have a good time leading them down the path to the Group W bench.

This being Fark and our collective vast knowledge of being drunk I'd start with that. But if you don't have the time to mess with them you could just hand them some satanic version of chick tracks and ask them why their founder had to rip off the Masonic ritual.
 
2013-01-28 04:31:51 AM  

Marine1: The loosest interpretation of the Bible as it relates to sex... evar.

/you bet your brown cherry it's NSFW


And lo, they were shown the back door to Paradise, so that they may enter thereof. Bring unguents.
 
2013-01-28 05:12:45 AM  
Lessee, Bible says sex in marriage: good. Adultery: Bad. Yeah, I think that's pretty accurate. Who's got a problem with this?
 
2013-01-28 07:58:01 AM  

TrojanRabbit: I suspect that verses like this, combined with others that set the husband as the final authority in the household, made it easier to justify laws in the West that defined spousal rape as a non-criminal act. Not a fan.


You might be surprised to find out that the Bible is actually quite a bit more progressive towards women than most other belief systems of the time (or even many today).

The Old Testament records quite a few feats of heroic women, and even has an entire book telling the story how one particular woman saved the Jews from annihilation. Then we get to Proverbs, which has quite a lot to say about good (and bad) women. Read Proverbs 31 and tell me that the ancient Jews didn't have great respect for their housewives.

Then we get to the New Testament, which flat out says that women and men are equal in God's eyes. Jesus frequently hung out with women, and there were several who were important to his ministry. Then Paul comes along, who writes passages like the one in this thread, saying that it's not only a man's duty to frequently sex up his wife, but to make sure she enjoys it ("due benevolence" is the phrase used in the KJV). He also says that husbands are to love their wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for it, i.e. total, self-sacrificing love, not possession. Reading between the lines there: guys, if you want the respect and obedience of your wife, you have to earn it. After that, he goes on to say that all church leaders must be married (I guess the Catholics missed that one...), because Lord knows the guy can't do the job by himself.
 
2013-01-28 08:38:12 AM  

SpaceBison: Ezekiel 23:20
There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.


Is that wrong? should she not have done that?
 
2013-01-28 09:04:01 AM  

Gleeman: [jp3.r0tt.com image 400x446]

/bears repeating


Is that a real Bible verse? I've searched for it and haven't come up with anything.
 
2013-01-28 10:46:16 AM  

Via Infinito: Gleeman: [jp3.r0tt.com image 400x446]

/bears repeating

Is that a real Bible verse? I've searched for it and haven't come up with anything.


It's from 'Firefly'. I've seen some that say its an Hadith, but I can't find any confirmation of that.
 
2013-01-28 11:52:55 AM  
Farkin' fools, the word is celebrate.
 
2013-01-28 12:17:36 PM  
" ... it's the rule, eat the wafer ..."
 
2013-01-28 08:27:38 PM  

Clemkadidlefark: " ... it's the rule, eat the wafer ..."


yes sir *chomp* *chomp* *chomp*
 
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