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(Patch)   What you say: "It's not me, man" What cop hears: "It's me. I'm guilty. Arrest me immediately"   (dacula.patch.com) divider line 71
    More: Amusing, Dacula Patch, Dacula, guilty  
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12062 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Jan 2013 at 2:19 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-27 04:32:38 PM  

Atharaenea: meyerkev: once after my eyeballs got moved.

What the FARK?! How did this happen??


I have had 3 separate eye surgeries (six months, six years, sixteen), because my eyes keep wanting to be crosseyed, and I keep disagreeing. Also, the 6 years one did something to make it so I didn't have to wear glasses during first grade, but I don't recall what (It wasn't Lasik, it was about 15 years ago, and I think I was nearsighted at the time (but I bounced back and forth for a bit so I don't know for sure), if we have any opthamologists in the Fark audience who want to guess. I don't actually remember the 6 months or 6 years ones).

Basically, they go in, cut the muscles off, and then sew them back on in the right position. Then you cry blood for a week, and have continuous intermittent eye pain (usually when you're not getting enough sleep) for the rest of your life.

/I'm currently nearsighted in the left eye and farsighted in the right. This works out well since the 6 months surgery made it so my brain would only use one eye at a time (and removed all depth perception), so I can jump back and forth as needed. I also shouldn't be allowed to drive at night since all the bright lights blow up so that a pair of headlights are the size of the front of the car and then stretch down and to the right for about 6 feet with shadow images (that only show up when it's dark).
 
2013-01-27 04:35:39 PM  

txchad: It still boggles my mind that addiction is a crime.


Drugs take away from the 100% total devotion to government that the politicians insist upon.
 
2013-01-27 04:45:15 PM  
Dacula is pronounced duh-CUE-la. I live a couple of cities over.
 
2013-01-27 04:46:46 PM  

meyerkev: Then you cry blood for a week


Holy shiat. Sounds intense.
 
2013-01-27 05:09:32 PM  

kunf: meyerkev: Then you cry blood for a week

Holy shiat. Sounds intense.


www.tedmontgomery.com

Well, they're taking all of those, cutting them and then sewing them back onto the eyeball. You should be bleeding for weeks while the muscles and blood vessels in the eye heal, and the blood has to go somewhere. But you're completely unconscious and on total anesthesia during (they even gave me some local anesthesia for the IV so it didn't hurt when it went in) and then on really good drugs for at least a week and a half, and drugs for at least a month.

IIRC, I missed about 2 weeks of school sitting in bed with a bloodsoaked washcloth on my eye, and had bloodshot eyes for 1-2 months.

I'm also not joking about the trumpet thing. There's apparently a ton of interaction with the eye muscles going on, and they were quite literally afraid that I was going to pop the stitches, and my eyes were going to fall out. (And when I did start playing again, it hurt a ton).
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2013-01-27 05:11:07 PM  
I was going to have eye realignment surgery when I was 6 but it got cancelled. Now I know what I missed.
 
2013-01-27 05:18:50 PM  

parahaps: And that is still a ton of oxycodone to be taking per day. I was prescribed four or six per day or something, after a surgery. I would have gone farking mad if I had taken all of those. One or two a day was *plenty*.


It all depends whether you're taking them for actual pain, as it seems you were, or just for fun with "medical reasons" as an excuse.
 
2013-01-27 05:21:28 PM  

meyerkev: Basically, they go in, cut the muscles off, and then sew them back on in the right position. Then you cry blood for a week, and have continuous intermittent eye pain (usually when you're not getting enough sleep) for the rest of your life.


I had that done when I was 16, and the pain was gone in a week. It stung a bit for that week, I grant you. The most fun part was waking up halfway through the operation with my eyeball sitting on my cheek. I've never had quite that perspective view of my toes since.
 
2013-01-27 05:23:10 PM  

meyerkev: Well, they're taking all of those, cutting them and then sewing them back onto the eyeball.


Ah, right, all of them. They only did a few of mine, in one eye. My sympathies.
 
2013-01-27 05:24:13 PM  
FTFA: On Jan. 20, a passerby called 911 after seeing a man, later identified as Billy Standridge, 41, of Dacula, sitting in a black Chevrolet Trailblazer and having what appeared to be a seizure.

What are the chances of anyone still calling himself "Billy" at the age of 41 being innocent?
 
2013-01-27 05:37:31 PM  

slackananda: thamike: Fark Rye For Many Whores: thamike: [images1.wikia.nocookie.net image 200x307]Hidden Bakula macula.[www.containsmoderateperil.com image 639x338]

Thanks for all the help!

Not sure if any of these are an improvement....

But almost broke his clavicula?
They picked him up with a spatula?
Proved as lame as Scott Bakula?
But was betrayed by his macula?
But wasn't as cool as Blackula?
But had to miss Count Duckula?


Fixed a hole in the wall with spackula....
 
2013-01-27 05:40:03 PM  

meyerkev: offmymeds: jehovahs witness protection: FTA: The bottle was supposed to have contained 98 pills prescribed to be used at the rate of one per day.

I find this to be very odd. Percosets are for serious pain. Only one per day? My prescription is for 5 per day.

The bottle the cops found was for hydrocodone (Vicodin). You're probably taking Oxycodone (Percocet).

/just sayin'

I've been on Vicodin twice, once after my wisdom teeth got taken out, and once after my eyeballs got moved.

Both times, I think I was twice a day, and that was when I was literally crying blood 24/7 for a week and a half.

/Also, I couldn't play the trumpet for 4 weeks because they were afraid my eyeballs would literally pop out, and I can still tell when I've been awake too long 5 years later because my stitches get sore, and my eyes start hurting again.


Ok.... Um..... I'm going to read your profile.... Maybe there are answers in there....
 
2013-01-27 06:00:07 PM  

Dahnkster: But it ain't me babe
No, no, no, it ain't me babe
It ain't me you're lookin' for, babe

Bob Dylan?


He looks like an old sharecropper bluesman now. Like he'd sing some blues song about trains.
 
2013-01-27 06:01:53 PM  

vudukungfu: "OH, C'mon"
"give me a break"
"Do you know who I am?"
are not the magic words.


They are the "open sesame" to a cop's can of whoopass, however.
 
2013-01-27 06:03:31 PM  

orbister: FTFA: On Jan. 20, a passerby called 911 after seeing a man, later identified as Billy Standridge, 41, of Dacula, sitting in a black Chevrolet Trailblazer and having what appeared to be a seizure.

What are the chances of anyone still calling himself "Billy" at the age of 41 being innocent?


He shouldn't be a hero, anyway.
 
2013-01-27 07:26:41 PM  

jehovahs witness protection: FTA: The bottle was supposed to have contained 98 pills prescribed to be used at the rate of one per day.

I find this to be very odd. Percosets are for serious pain. Only one per day? My prescription is for 5 per day.


At least now we know Limbaugh's alt.
 
2013-01-27 10:27:12 PM  

Fano: vudukungfu: "OH, C'mon"
"give me a break"
"Do you know who I am?"
are not the magic words.

They are the "open sesame" to a cop's can of whoopass, however.


Are you kidding me?

Are you serious?
 
2013-01-27 10:34:08 PM  

vudukungfu: Fano: vudukungfu: "OH, C'mon"
"give me a break"
"Do you know who I am?"
are not the magic words.

They are the "open sesame" to a cop's can of whoopass, however.

Are you kidding me?

Are you serious?


I thought it was a pretty good play on what constitutes "magic words" around cops.
 
2013-01-27 10:35:18 PM  
"The suspect could not sit still. He kept reaching around and was talking very fast."
Nothing wrong with a reach-around. That's just common courtesy. Too much talking can be a big turnoff, though
 
2013-01-27 10:36:41 PM  

Fano: I thought it was a pretty good play on what constitutes "magic words" around cops.


Do you know who my father is?
 
2013-01-27 10:38:45 PM  

vudukungfu: Fano: I thought it was a pretty good play on what constitutes "magic words" around cops.

Do you know who my father is?


2.bp.blogspot.com
 
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