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(Gawker)   The three most outrageous lies about celery. "It's delicious" is the biggest lie, of course   (gawker.com) divider line 50
    More: Sick, blue cheeses  
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19752 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Jan 2013 at 9:28 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-01-26 09:37:10 PM  
17 votes:
i.imgur.com
2013-01-26 09:47:28 PM  
16 votes:

jaytkay: TFA: "...celery contributes nothing [to soup]..."

That writer does not know how to cook.


I'm picturing him throwing a stalk of celery in a can Chef BoyArDee and staring at it, confused and angry.
2013-01-26 09:54:36 PM  
7 votes:

lordargent: Celery ... barely qualifies as food, it's mostly water and fiber and not much in the way of nourishment.

Fark Classic : what does 200 calories look like

200 calories of celery => 1425 grams of celery => 3.14159 pounds

You need to eat 3 pounds of celery to get 200 calories of energy!


HOLY CRAP! 200 calories is exactly PI pounds of celery! We have a new basis for a mathematical constant! MIND = BLOWN.
2013-01-26 08:48:08 PM  
7 votes:
i0.kym-cdn.com
2013-01-26 08:57:31 PM  
5 votes:
The word celery comes from the ancient practice of paying Roman soldiers an allowance to buy it...
2013-01-26 08:33:59 PM  
5 votes:

PainInTheASP: My jar of peanut butter says YOU'RE WRONG!


img19.imageshack.us

Samuel L. Jackson would agree with you.
2013-01-26 11:16:17 PM  
4 votes:

FueledByEthanol: That said, you know who else liked celery?

[lileks.com image 800x968]

Art Frahm, that's who!

/Thanks James


Looks like she's ...

(puts on sunglasses)

... being stalked.
2013-01-27 05:31:32 AM  
3 votes:

Phil Moskowitz: Even when you set the scale to Gawker, this is retarded.


Try reading it with the scale set to Fox, then it reads like a piece of classic literature.
2013-01-26 11:11:46 PM  
3 votes:

toraque: jaytkay: TFA: "...celery contributes nothing [to soup]..."

That writer does not know how to cook.

I'm picturing him throwing a stalk of celery in a can Chef BoyArDee and staring at it, confused and angry.


Well, to be fair, with or without celery, a can of Chef BoyArDee could make just about anybody confused and angry.
2013-01-26 10:55:24 PM  
3 votes:

PC LOAD LETTER: Eating celery usually results in me getting a raging boner. It has been known to have these sorts of properties apparently.


Raging Celery Boner would be a great band name.
2013-01-26 09:53:33 PM  
3 votes:
I hate celery so bad that I even hate people who like it.
2013-01-26 06:43:19 PM  
3 votes:
I'm hardly a fan of celery, but that article was a bit over the top. As kasy said in the comments,

All this article does is make me think that all Mallory eats is like, chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs and minute rice
2013-01-27 02:49:18 PM  
2 votes:

jaytkay: Wrong thread, obviously. Sorry.


Not if you dislike celery.
2013-01-26 11:06:03 PM  
2 votes:

born_yesterday: I would not have expected a celery thread to garner so much attention.


Celerybrate good times, c'mon on!
2013-01-26 10:13:12 PM  
2 votes:

KidneyStone: Celery salt is a critical ingredient in some things.

[www.thepauperedchef.com image 850x566]


That relish looks freakin nasty.  Relish should not be the same color as lime Jello
2013-01-26 09:55:22 PM  
2 votes:
I like celery, there I said it. I like it raw, cooked, layered with cottage cheese and cracked pepper.
2013-01-26 09:52:39 PM  
2 votes:
Celery is disgusting. I can taste a single molecule of its awfulness in a sea of any tasty dish.
2013-01-26 09:44:52 PM  
2 votes:

Thunderboy: t3knomanser: PacManDreaming: They taste good by themselves.

They don't taste like anything. A glass of tap water has more flavor than celery.

Celery is incredibly flavorful. I don't know what it is that you've been eating, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't celery.


Well, since they said that tap water has more flavor, they probably live somewhere with some horrid tap water.
2013-01-26 09:42:18 PM  
2 votes:
Which begs the Question..How much celery is in water?
2013-01-26 09:37:30 PM  
2 votes:

HotWingAgenda: rev. dave: The best use for celery is hot wings

Truer words.


You sound like you have an agenda on the subject.
2013-01-26 09:34:07 PM  
2 votes:
Now, I see. Hitler and celery. Celery and Hitler. I was blind but now I see, celery. And I will fight you.
2013-01-26 08:30:49 PM  
2 votes:
she sounds fat. garnish it.
2013-01-27 05:30:29 AM  
1 votes:

LionHound: Some farkers farking love celery some farkers hate it with a passion. Everybody doesn't perceive flavor and aroma the same way and hence like the same things in their farking mouth. Calling something disgusting because you don't have a taste for it is a little over the top. I happen to like celery, and I have had intensely flavorful batches and somewhat bland batches so obviously YMMV. Generalizing and calling it all tough, flavorless and useless reveals that a person either has not tried a tender flavorful specimen or perhaps that they lack the facilities to perceive the flavor/aroma compounds present in celery, some individuals may be more sensitive to them and/or perceive them as unpleasant.

To me it has an aromatic herbal fragrant character, and a slightly salty flavor, which combine in distinctive ways with some hints of parsley, mint, and even sometimes hints of buttery coconut-like nuances. Cooking it a bit subdues the stronger flavors for me. I like it raw with nut or seed butters, homemade cheese spreads, hummus and in salads. Tuna salad is just incomplete without it, but it needs a good fine chop. Its indispensable for stocks and soups made in my kitchen imparting the basic fresh vegetable and herb aroma and flavor. It is low in calories, glycemic load, but high in fiber and can have pretty good potassium, folate and vitamin K numbers so saying that it contributes nothing is disingenuous.


Celery is also silicon rich, and that comes in very handy for people recovering from broken bones (ironic, since Foley artists snap celery to create the sound of breaking bones for TV and films).
2013-01-27 04:28:00 AM  
1 votes:

Do you know the way to Mordor: I asked the waitress what vegetable was in this wonderful sauce, and my jaw dropped when she said "Celery."


Do you know the way to Mordor: To this day I wish I knew what was in that sauce


Um, celery.
2013-01-27 02:21:01 AM  
1 votes:

cowgirl toffee: katerbug72: cowgirl toffee: katerbug72: cowgirl toffee: ... Clamato is best ....

Sorry... I just threw up a little in my mouth... and it was still better than Clamato. *blech*
:P


Clams are not meant to be drank.
2013-01-27 01:08:56 AM  
1 votes:
Has anyone here ever went to a party and was like "WHOO! F*CK-YEAH... CELERY!!"?
2013-01-27 12:52:11 AM  
1 votes:
Comments like these have convinced me that our american palate us seriously messed up. Celery does have a taste. Yes, it's obviously not strong, but it does have a very subtle hint of saltiness and sweetness to it, particularly the inner parts down by the stalk. Add that to the grassy fresh taste, and it's just the most damn refreshing thing you can dip anything into.

I think our taste buds are so messed up from scarfing down ultra cool ranch doritos and hot wings soaked in butter, salt, sugar and what passes for hot sauce, that we are unable to recognize subtle flavors.

I once broke out some olive oils for some friends who wondered why I had more than three types in my house. One was your basic supermarket stuff for everyday choking. The other one had a super strong grass and green apple scent with a hugely peppery finish that I like for salad dressings, and the last one was a french bottle that was very smooth and tasted almost like clarified butter that I like for dipping. I put them out in little containers to see if they could taste the difference and only one of five people could.

Makes me wonder if that's why the biggest market for "fancy" olive oils is not the pure stuff with great flavors, but rather regular oil infused with stupid combinations. Orange peel flavor in my olive oil? Why not use an orange and a zester and some good oil instead if regular oil with some lab-created aromatic added to it?

I thing the reason why is because the average person can't distinguish tastes very well anymore. This is not only supported by personal experience, but also by a food scientist friend of mine that says that more flavoring, sugar and salt are added to products sold in the US compared to the same products sold elsewhere (yes, with the same brand and by the same company). No wonder we can't taste celery.
2013-01-26 11:39:14 PM  
1 votes:

Thisbymaster: Celery and carrots make a nice base for a soap, that is the only way I use it.


"It's not gonna be a boring soup. That's just the base. You put the chicken in. You've gotta add other flavors. Carrots and celery are just a base of a soup!"
2013-01-26 11:24:34 PM  
1 votes:
All the celery haters line up to the left and all the fatties line up to . . . oh . . . everyone's in place? I guess we're done here.
2013-01-26 11:11:41 PM  
1 votes:
That said, you know who else liked celery?

lileks.com

Art Frahm, that's who!

/Thanks James
2013-01-26 11:09:15 PM  
1 votes:

Thunderboy: t3knomanser: PacManDreaming: They taste good by themselves.

They don't taste like anything. A glass of tap water has more flavor than celery.

Celery is incredibly flavorful. I don't know what it is that you've been eating, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't celery.


I overheard some chicks having the same conversation about semen.
2013-01-26 11:07:50 PM  
1 votes:

Louisiana_Sitar_Club: KidneyStone: Celery salt is a critical ingredient in some things.

[www.thepauperedchef.com image 850x566]

Where's the ketchup?


PURGE THE HERETIC!
2013-01-26 10:19:10 PM  
1 votes:
The good folks at Gawker should be strung by the testicles / tits by rope made from celery fiber and kicked in the head with the hopes that it will make them writers that are worth reading.
2013-01-26 10:17:57 PM  
1 votes:

KidneyStone: Celery salt is a critical ingredient in some things.

[www.thepauperedchef.com image 850x566]


Where's the ketchup?
2013-01-26 10:12:25 PM  
1 votes:
I made some epic jambalaya today, so I'm really getting a kick...
2013-01-26 10:07:27 PM  
1 votes:

KidneyStone: Celery salt is a critical ingredient in some things.


3.bp.blogspot.com
2013-01-26 09:58:32 PM  
1 votes:

Gyrfalcon: Celery is not the worst vegetable ever.

Brussels sprouts, however, is the devil's food.


FTFY

/taste like little balled up gym socks
2013-01-26 09:57:12 PM  
1 votes:

lordargent: Celery ... barely qualifies as food, it's mostly water and fiber and not much in the way of nourishment.

Fark Classic : what does 200 calories look like

200 calories of celery => 1425 grams of celery => 3.14159 pounds

You need to eat 3 pounds of celery to get 200 calories of energy!


Or, in other words, a Π of celery?
2013-01-26 09:54:00 PM  
1 votes:
Celery is not the worst vegetable ever.

Broccoli, however, is the devil's food.
2013-01-26 09:53:56 PM  
1 votes:
Anyone that adds celery (and/or cilantro) to a dish that is presented to me can DIAF. Constantly overpowers the flavor, ruining any subtleties the dish may have had.

Post-hot wing debauchery is the only proper place for that crap.
2013-01-26 09:44:39 PM  
1 votes:
Celery is one of the major ingredients in many amazing foods. An onion, bell pepper and celery base is part of just about everything I love.

You could not have crawfish etouffee without celery.

Writer fails.
2013-01-26 09:40:33 PM  
1 votes:
25.media.tumblr.com

If nothing else, I'm sure it's good for my teeth.
2013-01-26 09:39:35 PM  
1 votes:
All I know about celery is 3 things: it has negative calories, it was promoted for use as toilet paper in old-timey ads, and foley artists use it for bone break sound fx. That's about the extent of my celery knowledges.
2013-01-26 09:35:20 PM  
1 votes:

make me some tea: what is this I don't even


Forget it Jake, it's gawker.com.
2013-01-26 09:33:38 PM  
1 votes:
Lie #4 -- Author has any idea what the fark he's talking about.
2013-01-26 09:33:36 PM  
1 votes:
How much does Fark get for these articles?
2013-01-26 09:07:06 PM  
1 votes:
I miss celery. My wife hates it and green pepper, so like 2/3 of the cajun trinity are right out the f*cking window.
2013-01-26 09:04:37 PM  
1 votes:
The best use for celery is hot wings, followed by pea soup and lastly bloody Mary. No other uses exist.
2013-01-26 08:21:11 PM  
1 votes:
what is this I don't even
2013-01-26 08:20:36 PM  
1 votes:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA.

img37.imageshack.us

You'd best smile when you talk about Dr. Brown's Cel-Ray celery flavored soda.
 
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