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(Gawker)   The three most outrageous lies about celery. "It's delicious" is the biggest lie, of course   (gawker.com) divider line 57
    More: Sick, blue cheeses  
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19752 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Jan 2013 at 9:28 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-26 09:54:36 PM  
8 votes:

lordargent: Celery ... barely qualifies as food, it's mostly water and fiber and not much in the way of nourishment.

Fark Classic : what does 200 calories look like

200 calories of celery => 1425 grams of celery => 3.14159 pounds

You need to eat 3 pounds of celery to get 200 calories of energy!


HOLY CRAP! 200 calories is exactly PI pounds of celery! We have a new basis for a mathematical constant! MIND = BLOWN.
2013-01-26 09:10:58 PM  
6 votes:

rev. dave: The best use for celery is hot wings, followed by pea soup and lastly bloody Mary. No other uses exist.


Wrong. It's best when you eat it with just a little salt on it. Unless it's the light green inner stalks. They taste good by themselves.

I can eat an entire bunch of celery by itself. One of my favorite vegetables, ever.
2013-01-26 08:31:12 PM  
6 votes:
My jar of peanut butter says YOU'RE WRONG!
2013-01-26 06:43:19 PM  
5 votes:
I'm hardly a fan of celery, but that article was a bit over the top. As kasy said in the comments,

All this article does is make me think that all Mallory eats is like, chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs and minute rice
2013-01-26 10:05:49 PM  
4 votes:
Celery salt is a critical ingredient in some things.

www.thepauperedchef.com
2013-01-26 09:44:39 PM  
4 votes:
Celery is one of the major ingredients in many amazing foods. An onion, bell pepper and celery base is part of just about everything I love.

You could not have crawfish etouffee without celery.

Writer fails.
2013-01-26 09:35:07 PM  
4 votes:

t3knomanser: PacManDreaming: They taste good by themselves.

They don't taste like anything. A glass of tap water has more flavor than celery.


Celery is incredibly flavorful. I don't know what it is that you've been eating, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't celery.
2013-01-26 08:48:08 PM  
4 votes:
i0.kym-cdn.com
2013-01-26 10:12:35 PM  
3 votes:
Some farkers farking love celery some farkers hate it with a passion. Everybody doesn't perceive flavor and aroma the same way and hence like the same things in their farking mouth. Calling something disgusting because you don't have a taste for it is a little over the top. I happen to like celery, and I have had intensely flavorful batches and somewhat bland batches so obviously YMMV. Generalizing and calling it all tough, flavorless and useless reveals that a person either has not tried a tender flavorful specimen or perhaps that they lack the facilities to perceive the flavor/aroma compounds present in celery, some individuals may be more sensitive to them and/or perceive them as unpleasant.

To me it has an aromatic herbal fragrant character, and a slightly salty flavor, which combine in distinctive ways with some hints of parsley, mint, and even sometimes hints of buttery coconut-like nuances. Cooking it a bit subdues the stronger flavors for me. I like it raw with nut or seed butters, homemade cheese spreads, hummus and in salads. Tuna salad is just incomplete without it, but it needs a good fine chop. Its indispensable for stocks and soups made in my kitchen imparting the basic fresh vegetable and herb aroma and flavor. It is low in calories, glycemic load, but high in fiber and can have pretty good potassium, folate and vitamin K numbers so saying that it contributes nothing is disingenuous.
2013-01-26 09:42:45 PM  
3 votes:
Sounds like this article was written by someone who doesn't do a lot of cooking. If your celery is brown and mushy, it means you cooked it to death, and you chop the celery for most soups (apparently, this person has also never heard of mirepoix).

Also, protip, If you're cooking celery (or any green leafy veggie), and want to keep it from becoming drab, just toss in a little baking soda, and they will be flavorful and beautifully colored. For anything like carrots, or red cabbage (basically, anything that isn't pigmented by chlorophyll) add a little vinegar for the same effect.

Bam. Cooked veggies as delicious as they are visually appealing.
2013-01-26 09:37:10 PM  
3 votes:
i.imgur.com
2013-01-26 11:11:41 PM  
2 votes:
That said, you know who else liked celery?

lileks.com

Art Frahm, that's who!

/Thanks James
2013-01-26 10:55:24 PM  
2 votes:

PC LOAD LETTER: Eating celery usually results in me getting a raging boner. It has been known to have these sorts of properties apparently.


Raging Celery Boner would be a great band name.
2013-01-26 10:08:35 PM  
2 votes:

Zugswang: Sounds like this article was written by someone who doesn't do a lot of cooking. If your celery is brown and mushy, it means you cooked it to death, and you chop the celery for most soups (apparently, this person has also never heard of mirepoix).

Also, protip, If you're cooking celery (or any green leafy veggie), and want to keep it from becoming drab, just toss in a little baking soda, and they will be flavorful and beautifully colored. For anything like carrots, or red cabbage (basically, anything that isn't pigmented by chlorophyll) add a little vinegar for the same effect.

Bam. Cooked veggies as delicious as they are visually appealing.


Ummm, mirepoix.  The Holy Trinity of French cooking.
I make use of dehydrated celery in soups and stews.  Seems to concentrate the flavor...and dehydrated celery doesn't get mushy, no matter how long you cook it...has more of a chewy texture.
2013-01-26 10:04:54 PM  
2 votes:
HotWingAgenda: Brussels sprouts, however, is the devil's food.

I'm ok with brussels sprouts, when roasted with mushrooms and bacon, with a bit of olive oil and sea salt.

BUT

When I was younger, I used to dislike a lot of veggies. Broccoli, sprouts, peas, etc.

When I got older, moved out, got my own kitchen and started cooking for myself, I realized that my dislike of a lot of veggies was a matter of preparation. IE, my mom/stepdad BOILED a lot of their veggies with little alteration.

With a steamer pot and a cast iron roasting pan and a cabinet full of spices, I've turned all of those disliked/hated veggies into dishes that ranged from tolerable to damned tasty.

EXCEPT FOR BEETS!!!

I can't do a damned thing with beets, every preparation, every spicing, and they still come out nasty.
2013-01-26 10:01:09 PM  
2 votes:
Celery is awesome. It's essential in chicken salad. Also, if it starts to get soft and wilty, cut the ends and stick the stalks in a glass of water and put it in the fridge. It will crisp right back up in a few hours.
2013-01-26 09:57:12 PM  
2 votes:

lordargent: Celery ... barely qualifies as food, it's mostly water and fiber and not much in the way of nourishment.

Fark Classic : what does 200 calories look like

200 calories of celery => 1425 grams of celery => 3.14159 pounds

You need to eat 3 pounds of celery to get 200 calories of energy!


Or, in other words, a Π of celery?
2013-01-26 09:55:22 PM  
2 votes:
I like celery, there I said it. I like it raw, cooked, layered with cottage cheese and cracked pepper.
2013-01-26 09:53:00 PM  
2 votes:

ski9600: You know, something for me and you to try is actually using a peeler on the outside curve of the celery lightly before eating it raw.


Another trick is to snap the celery near the base and carefully pull back so any strings come off the outside curve.
2013-01-26 09:47:49 PM  
2 votes:

halB: Celery, carrots, and onions are the holy trinity. At least two of them will appear as the base for ANY Western soup.

The writer of that article clearly has absolutely no idea how to cook, nor how to use vegetables.


Mirepoix is the base for all kinds of awesome food.
2013-01-26 09:47:28 PM  
2 votes:

jaytkay: TFA: "...celery contributes nothing [to soup]..."

That writer does not know how to cook.


I'm picturing him throwing a stalk of celery in a can Chef BoyArDee and staring at it, confused and angry.
2013-01-26 09:43:48 PM  
2 votes:
Celery, carrots, and onions are the holy trinity. At least two of them will appear as the base for ANY Western soup.

The writer of that article clearly has absolutely no idea how to cook, nor how to use vegetables.
2013-01-26 09:39:08 PM  
2 votes:
Celery and hummus is yummy. (I like Sabra Roasted Garlic Hummus.) YMMV
2013-01-26 09:36:53 PM  
2 votes:
Celery makes a great edible spoon for pimiento cheese.
2013-01-26 09:33:38 PM  
2 votes:
Lie #4 -- Author has any idea what the fark he's talking about.
2013-01-26 09:07:06 PM  
2 votes:
I miss celery. My wife hates it and green pepper, so like 2/3 of the cajun trinity are right out the f*cking window.
2013-01-26 09:04:37 PM  
2 votes:
The best use for celery is hot wings, followed by pea soup and lastly bloody Mary. No other uses exist.
2013-01-26 08:33:59 PM  
2 votes:

PainInTheASP: My jar of peanut butter says YOU'RE WRONG!


img19.imageshack.us

Samuel L. Jackson would agree with you.
2013-01-26 08:20:36 PM  
2 votes:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA.

img37.imageshack.us

You'd best smile when you talk about Dr. Brown's Cel-Ray celery flavored soda.
2013-01-27 12:33:24 PM  
1 votes:
www.u.arizona.edu

celery sandwich from the old days over clocking a 300A to 504mhz
2013-01-27 02:36:35 AM  
1 votes:

jiken: enjoy dealing with veggie libel laws, idiot


So the celery lobby is going to pull an Oprah on them?


cowgirl toffee: katerbug72: cowgirl toffee: Has anyone here ever went to a party and was like "WHOO! F*CK-YEAH... CELERY!!"?

Yes. When my Caesar drink had practically a whole salad in it and it was awhile to go before dinner. Woo hoo! Celery!

*smack* You could have had a V-8. :P


I like to put a couple drops of this stuff in my V-8 these days:

www.galenacanning.com

It's yummy. I've tried Tobasco but that just makes it taste like vinegar.
2013-01-27 12:52:11 AM  
1 votes:
Comments like these have convinced me that our american palate us seriously messed up. Celery does have a taste. Yes, it's obviously not strong, but it does have a very subtle hint of saltiness and sweetness to it, particularly the inner parts down by the stalk. Add that to the grassy fresh taste, and it's just the most damn refreshing thing you can dip anything into.

I think our taste buds are so messed up from scarfing down ultra cool ranch doritos and hot wings soaked in butter, salt, sugar and what passes for hot sauce, that we are unable to recognize subtle flavors.

I once broke out some olive oils for some friends who wondered why I had more than three types in my house. One was your basic supermarket stuff for everyday choking. The other one had a super strong grass and green apple scent with a hugely peppery finish that I like for salad dressings, and the last one was a french bottle that was very smooth and tasted almost like clarified butter that I like for dipping. I put them out in little containers to see if they could taste the difference and only one of five people could.

Makes me wonder if that's why the biggest market for "fancy" olive oils is not the pure stuff with great flavors, but rather regular oil infused with stupid combinations. Orange peel flavor in my olive oil? Why not use an orange and a zester and some good oil instead if regular oil with some lab-created aromatic added to it?

I thing the reason why is because the average person can't distinguish tastes very well anymore. This is not only supported by personal experience, but also by a food scientist friend of mine that says that more flavoring, sugar and salt are added to products sold in the US compared to the same products sold elsewhere (yes, with the same brand and by the same company). No wonder we can't taste celery.
2013-01-27 12:25:29 AM  
1 votes:

rev. dave: The best use for celery is hot wings, followed by pea soup and lastly bloody Mary. No other uses exist.


Uhhmm you forgot tuna salad which is damn near unedible w/o celery.
2013-01-27 12:21:43 AM  
1 votes:
stanadamsii: Remember beets have *a lot* of sugar, use it small diced as the sweet component like a raisin in a stir fry

Raisins in stir fry? What's wrong with you :P

sno man: Beets are best roasted.

Skirl Hutsenreiter: Is it the earthy taste? Because lemon breaks the compound that causes that down.

ciberido: What the hell is wrong with you people? You've never ever heard of borscht?

Roasted, in a soup (including borscht), in a cocktail, as an ice cream, etc, tried it all at various restaurants prepared in many different ways. The people that liked beets to begin with thought all of the beet dishes were great. OTOH, couldn't stand any of the dishes.

As far as I'm concerned, it's a disgusting vegetable that should be considered unfit for human consumption.
2013-01-26 11:21:27 PM  
1 votes:
stanadamsii:

Good point. I bet you most people who say they hate celery find cilantro "soapy" to the taste. I've only had that happen once when I had over acidified the guacamole, so it may simply be a tastebud sensitivity thing.

I have thought the same thing. My wife tastes "perfume" in some beers with hoppy character. At first I was kind of iffy on lavender in foods, but when it's not overdone I quite enjoy it. Incidentally, we have a running joke in the house. I make simple guacamole pretty frequently, which consists of avocados, onions, salt and fresh-squeezed lime juice, adjusted as it is being made to the perfect balance. I was showing Mrs Lionhound how I make my guac one night and I was explaining how there were subtle variations in the ingredients among my Mexican friends from the same family and Avacado region. A few of them like cilantro in the guac, and a few of them thought it was crazy. I love cilantro but I like the pure and simple taste of guacamole without it just as well if not better than with. So I told my Mrs. L. that I only put cilantro in the guac if I am feeling "frisky" that night. Needless to say, since that night, I can't help but throw some in now and again.
2013-01-26 11:09:28 PM  
1 votes:

carmody: Celery is disgusting. I can taste a single molecule of its awfulness in a sea of any tasty dish.


I used to know a guy who was allergic to celery. He couldn't eat almost any soup not made at home, nor the many fried foods treated with seasoned salt. So I kinda doubt you really are tasting this vile disgusting thing quite as reliably as you think.
2013-01-26 11:07:16 PM  
1 votes:

rev. dave: The best use for celery is hot wings, followed by pea soup and lastly bloody Mary. No other uses exist.


blog.heartland.org

You forgot one.
2013-01-26 11:04:40 PM  
1 votes:

stanadamsii: lordargent: HotWingAgenda: Brussels sprouts, however, is the devil's food.

I'm ok with brussels sprouts, when roasted with mushrooms and bacon, with a bit of olive oil and sea salt.

BUT

When I was younger, I used to dislike a lot of veggies. Broccoli, sprouts, peas, etc.

When I got older, moved out, got my own kitchen and started cooking for myself, I realized that my dislike of a lot of veggies was a matter of preparation. IE, my mom/stepdad BOILED a lot of their veggies with little alteration.

With a steamer pot and a cast iron roasting pan and a cabinet full of spices, I've turned all of those disliked/hated veggies into dishes that ranged from tolerable to damned tasty.

EXCEPT FOR BEETS!!!

I can't do a damned thing with beets, every preparation, every spicing, and they still come out nasty.

Remember beets have *a lot* of sugar, use it small diced as the sweet component like a raisin in a stir fry and you might like it better. Never canned.
/also didn't like it until recently- balsamic was my gateway to liking it.


Beets are best roasted... clean, wrap in tin foil and throw into a 350ish oven for an hour or so.  when they give a little when you poke them, pull them out, let them cool a bit, peel them and cut up as you like, toss with butter and a pinch of salt. Just don't be too alarmed the next day or two in the bathroom.  I have an awesome Indian dish with beets, tomato, cumin and onions as well.
2013-01-26 10:51:17 PM  
1 votes:
Eating celery usually results in me getting a raging boner. It has been known to have these sorts of properties apparently.
2013-01-26 10:25:23 PM  
1 votes:
The important thing about celery is to cut across the fibers. It's a general rule for things with fibers going in one direction, as the same applies to steak cuts and fajitas. If you cut the fajita meat vertically it's more tender than on the bias.

And you must learn to COOK the celery. It's a handy low carb substance that can be a handy foodstuff.

In stick form it's a vehicle for fatty dips, it doesn't jive with salsa.
2013-01-26 10:22:06 PM  
1 votes:
Celery is my favorite complimentary vegetable. It's good in almost anything with other vegetables and adds great flavor.
2013-01-26 10:17:37 PM  
1 votes:

Gyrfalcon: Celery is not the worst vegetable ever.

Broccoli, however, is the devil's food.


Don't cook it so much.  Broccoli doesn't need a ton of cooking, pot, salted water, and broc, get it up to a boil, turn the heat off. When the water settles down drain the Broc, toss some butter in the pot put the broc back in maybe some Parmesan, shake or stir to coat, maybe a sprinkle of salt and enjoy. Should not be mushy, it gets bitter when over cooked.
2013-01-26 10:12:36 PM  
1 votes:

lordargent: I can't do a damned thing with beets, every preparation, every spicing, and they still come out nasty.


I like them roasted (peel on, coated with olive oil), then peel and chop. Maybe with some balsamic vinegar.

If roasting doesn't cut it, I can't help ya.
2013-01-26 10:07:27 PM  
1 votes:

KidneyStone: Celery salt is a critical ingredient in some things.


3.bp.blogspot.com
2013-01-26 10:01:54 PM  
1 votes:

HotWingAgenda: Gyrfalcon: Celery is not the worst vegetable ever.

Brussels sprouts, however, is the devil's food.

FTFY

/taste like little balled up gym socks


Try this:

Slice them in half, then very fine.
Heat up a pan, hot, put in some butter and oil.
Toss in the Brussels sprouts and flip or stir.
Add a splash of whitewine and a small grating of nutmeg.
Cook just until the sprouts are brilliant green.
Grate some parmesan on top.
2013-01-26 09:58:20 PM  
1 votes:
Zeppelininthesky: Mirepoix is the base for all kinds of awesome food.

My trinity is onions, garlic and peppers.

// not a celery fan, but I have about half a dozen onions in my fridge right now.
2013-01-26 09:55:36 PM  
1 votes:
Also, there's a Taiwanese place near here that makes a very celery-heavy Kung Pao shrimp, and holy god is it amazing.
2013-01-26 09:52:39 PM  
1 votes:
Celery is disgusting. I can taste a single molecule of its awfulness in a sea of any tasty dish.
2013-01-26 09:52:03 PM  
1 votes:

Babbs: Being on a low carb/sugar diet, you don't know how many time celery with a little peanut butter has saved my ass from engulfing large quantities of cookies when I needed something sweet.


I dust it with salt and pepper and then drizzle a balsamic reduction on it for an almost totally calorie free snack when I know I'm eating just to eat.

It's awesome for that.
2013-01-26 09:49:45 PM  
1 votes:

Fish in a Barrel: fusillade762: /also hate raw coconut, tapioca and rice pudding

The texture of rice pudding triggers every neuron in my brain to send out a distress signal. It is completely anathema.


Both of you are crazy. Tapioca is de-freakin-licious. Rice pudding is good, but I have to leave out the raisins. I grew up in Fresno, so I can't help but feel like raisins are a waste of a good grape.
2013-01-26 09:44:52 PM  
1 votes:
If your celery is tough and stringy, find another grocer.
2013-01-26 09:40:33 PM  
1 votes:
25.media.tumblr.com

If nothing else, I'm sure it's good for my teeth.
2013-01-26 09:39:35 PM  
1 votes:
All I know about celery is 3 things: it has negative calories, it was promoted for use as toilet paper in old-timey ads, and foley artists use it for bone break sound fx. That's about the extent of my celery knowledges.
2013-01-26 09:38:00 PM  
1 votes:

cirby: Celery makes a great edible spoon for pimiento cheese.


And similarly, guacamole!

/Better for you than those fried "chips," too, fatty
2013-01-26 09:33:36 PM  
1 votes:
How much does Fark get for these articles?
2013-01-26 09:23:00 PM  
1 votes:

PacManDreaming: rev. dave: The best use for celery is hot wings, followed by pea soup and lastly bloody Mary. No other uses exist.

Wrong. It's best when you eat it with just a little salt on it. Unless it's the light green inner stalks. They taste good by themselves.

I can eat an entire bunch of celery by itself. One of my favorite vegetables, ever.


Well, whenever I eat hot wings I cannot get enough of it. I coat it in wing sauce until the wing sauce is gone, use it to spoon out the blue cheese or ranch dressing. I will eat it until it is all gone. But if I buy some that is not used for making soup or wings, it just sits in the refrigerator until it goes bad.
2013-01-26 08:30:49 PM  
1 votes:
she sounds fat. garnish it.
 
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