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(Gawker)   The three most outrageous lies about celery. "It's delicious" is the biggest lie, of course   (gawker.com) divider line 270
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19743 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Jan 2013 at 9:28 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-27 01:27:02 AM  
Raw celery - no never, hate the stuff. Cooked in soup, stew, jamb, or stuffing - absolutely yes.
 
2013-01-27 01:34:12 AM  

cowgirl toffee: katerbug72: cowgirl toffee: Has anyone here ever went to a party and was like "WHOO! F*CK-YEAH... CELERY!!"?

Yes. When my Caesar drink had practically a whole salad in it and it was awhile to go before dinner. Woo hoo! Celery!

*smack* You could have had a V-8. :P


Lol Mmm V8 with vodka and a celery stalk. Clamato is best but V8 smooth and seasoned works too.
 
2013-01-27 01:35:52 AM  
#2 is not a lie. Celery absolutely contributes to the flavor of soup.
 
2013-01-27 01:36:28 AM  

katerbug72: cowgirl toffee: katerbug72: cowgirl toffee: ... Clamato is best ....


Sorry... I just threw up a little in my mouth... and it was still better than Clamato. *blech*
:P
 
2013-01-27 01:36:34 AM  
Celery... serious business
 
2013-01-27 01:38:09 AM  
The biggest lie about celery is that I really don't have it in my pocket.
 
2013-01-27 01:51:29 AM  

Teufelaffe: Thunderboy: t3knomanser: PacManDreaming: They taste good by themselves.

They don't taste like anything. A glass of tap water has more flavor than celery.

Celery is incredibly flavorful. I don't know what it is that you've been eating, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't celery.

Well, since they said that tap water has more flavor, they probably live somewhere with some horrid tap water.


I'm guessing Hanford, CA? Seriously, the tap water there is brown and tastes of rotten eggs.

As for Celery. I love it. The flavor is subtle and refreshing and I use it to offset very strong flavors. It's like rice, only without all the calories.
 
2013-01-27 01:56:45 AM  

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: All I know about celery is 3 things: it has negative calories, it was promoted for use as toilet paper in old-timey ads, and foley artists use it for bone break sound fx. That's about the extent of my celery knowledges.


At the very least, one of your three bits of knowledge is wrong...
 
2013-01-27 02:03:46 AM  
What kind of monster cooks celery?
 
2013-01-27 02:09:16 AM  
Raw celery numbs my taste buds, every time. Must be allergic or something.

Rhubarb does the same thing...weird coincidence?
 
2013-01-27 02:16:25 AM  
Good celery is good. Bad celery is disgusting. Just this very night, I've gotten good and bad celery from the same plant. Go figure.

/ok, good celery is just ok.
 
2013-01-27 02:21:01 AM  

cowgirl toffee: katerbug72: cowgirl toffee: katerbug72: cowgirl toffee: ... Clamato is best ....

Sorry... I just threw up a little in my mouth... and it was still better than Clamato. *blech*
:P


Clams are not meant to be drank.
 
2013-01-27 02:30:18 AM  
Celery is only good to me if it is with peanut butter, ranch, or bleu cheese.
 
2013-01-27 02:36:35 AM  

jiken: enjoy dealing with veggie libel laws, idiot


So the celery lobby is going to pull an Oprah on them?


cowgirl toffee: katerbug72: cowgirl toffee: Has anyone here ever went to a party and was like "WHOO! F*CK-YEAH... CELERY!!"?

Yes. When my Caesar drink had practically a whole salad in it and it was awhile to go before dinner. Woo hoo! Celery!

*smack* You could have had a V-8. :P


I like to put a couple drops of this stuff in my V-8 these days:

www.galenacanning.com

It's yummy. I've tried Tobasco but that just makes it taste like vinegar.
 
2013-01-27 02:38:27 AM  

fusillade762: I'm glad to find I'm not the only one who hates celery. Raw, anyway, I don't mind it cooked.

/also hate raw coconut, tapioca and rice pudding


There is no such thing a raw rice pudding. That's just rice 'n milk 'n raisins.

After washing celery use the edge of a knife to grab and draw out and away the strings found on the outside of each stalk. This is called "stringing" and makes the celery tender.

I think I learned that when I was 40.

/So many, many years ago.
 
2013-01-27 02:44:28 AM  
Uhhmm you forgot tuna salad which is damn near unedible w/o celery.

you mean like a tuna sandwich, right? I'll agree there. Try with apples sometimes too.


I use pickle relish (or chopped sweet pickles) in my tuna salad. Mom used celery, but it rots before I get to it, where pickles do not.

Celery is only good to me if it is with peanut butter, ranch, or bleu cheese.

My Mother-in-law makes a spread with cream cheese, shredded Buddig beef and green onions which is awesome on celery. Otherwise, add me to the celery is boring people, and it's not that I don't have tastebuds as I am a supertaster. It's just that celery is mostly water and tastes like it.

To the beet guy - I don't like beets either - except pickled - then they are great! Next time you are at a restaurant with a salad bar, give one a try (that way you aren't making any commitment and you have other food to cleanse your pallet if you don't like it).
 
2013-01-27 02:46:23 AM  
Celery has a place in soups, also perhaps with peanut butter or another topping of your choice.

But let's be clear, celery is a flavour delivery mechanism, nothing more.
 
2013-01-27 02:48:09 AM  

NotARocketScientist: Uhhmm you forgot tuna salad which is damn near unedible w/o celery.

you mean like a tuna sandwich, right? I'll agree there. Try with apples sometimes too.

I use pickle relish (or chopped sweet pickles) in my tuna salad. Mom used celery, but it rots before I get to it, where pickles do not.


I always make my tuna sandwiches with a little bit of onion and a whole lot of lettuce. Gives it that crunchiness without the celery gumhuggery.
 
2013-01-27 02:48:25 AM  
Organically grown celery is SO much tastier than conventional.
-I worked for the FoodWhole for years & cannot stand the taste of conventionally grown celery.
It's slightly metallic, bitter & dirty tasting. Organic is clean & fresh with no bitterness!

One of the few veggies I can say that organic growing practice makes a true flavor difference.
 
2013-01-27 02:48:52 AM  

Mr. Shabooboo: I don't like stringy celery . If something calls for celery, I'll put in celery seeds instead.That also spreads
out the flavoring from just one stringy green blob to the whole dish.


Take the flat edge of a knife and grab a bunch of the strings along the outside of the fat end of the stalk. Rip 'em out thus leaving you with 'stringless' celery. Awesome.

Ta da!
 
2013-01-27 02:52:19 AM  

Shostie: I miss celery. My wife hates it and green pepper, so like 2/3 of the cajun trinity are right out the f*cking window.


As long as you have okra, you should be okay. I loves me some okra.
 
2013-01-27 02:56:08 AM  
What the fark did I just read? Some kind of joke gone wrong? Am I giving the author too much credit?

I farking love celery.
 
2013-01-27 03:00:41 AM  
You know who else liked celery?

upload.wikimedia.org
 
2013-01-27 03:44:48 AM  
True story bro-

Here in Sydney a new Peruvian restaurant opened up. Excited, I mentioned this to a Peruvian lady friend, and we ate there one night.

One of the dishes was a few pieces of alpaca each cooked in a different way, with a very unusual yellow sauce sprinkled with the tiniest of tiny crunchy cubes of something I couldn't identify.

When I ate it I was stunned by how delicious this yellow sauce was, crunchy bits and all. I asked the waitress what vegetable was in this wonderful sauce, and my jaw dropped when she said "Celery." My reaction was to be absolutely stunned.

"Celery!" I replied. "I can't believe it- you have done something to make celery absolutely delicious, and I normally HATE celery!"

To this day I wish I knew what was in that sauce, as I have never touched celery since, but I would if I knew how to make that sauce.
 
2013-01-27 04:01:49 AM  

Strobeguy: I like celery, there I said it. I like it raw, cooked, layered with cottage cheese and cracked pepper.


That sounds yummy. I'll have to try that.

Celery and cream cheese is awesome. It can only be made better when you add green olives to the cream cheese and slather it on the celery.
 
2013-01-27 04:04:06 AM  

marius2: How much does Fark get for these articles?


They don't get paid by the article (except for sponsored links); they get paid by the ad views when people come into the thread to complain about the article.

You saw the ads once when you clicked the "view comments", once when you clicked "preview", once when you clicked "add comment", and once when you clicked "return to comments".

They got 4 page hits by linking to an article so silly that you had to post a comment about it. I'm sure they're considering your displeasure all the way to the bank.
 
2013-01-27 04:15:31 AM  

ox45tallboy: marius2: How much does Fark get for these articles?

They don't get paid by the article (except for sponsored links); they get paid by the ad views when people come into the thread to complain about the article.

You saw the ads once when you clicked the "view comments", once when you clicked "preview", once when you clicked "add comment", and once when you clicked "return to comments".

They got 4 page hits by linking to an article so silly that you had to post a comment about it. I'm sure they're considering your displeasure all the way to the bank.


Unless he uses AdBlock of course.
 
2013-01-27 04:22:24 AM  

PhiloeBedoe: The word celery comes from the ancient practice of paying Roman soldiers an allowance to buy it...


That would be the word salary, and the soldiers got paid in salt.

Close enough, I guess.

=]
 
2013-01-27 04:26:45 AM  
THIS is why soup companies dump so much celery into their soups; it's filler that has no right to exist in any soup except as filler.
 
2013-01-27 04:28:00 AM  

Do you know the way to Mordor: I asked the waitress what vegetable was in this wonderful sauce, and my jaw dropped when she said "Celery."


Do you know the way to Mordor: To this day I wish I knew what was in that sauce


Um, celery.
 
2013-01-27 04:55:35 AM  
I hate celery. Just has a really sharp taste and I believe it's only added to commercial products as a cheap way to add chunks / bulk without affecting the calorie count.
 
2013-01-27 05:28:02 AM  
Even when you set the scale to Gawker, this is retarded.
 
2013-01-27 05:30:29 AM  

LionHound: Some farkers farking love celery some farkers hate it with a passion. Everybody doesn't perceive flavor and aroma the same way and hence like the same things in their farking mouth. Calling something disgusting because you don't have a taste for it is a little over the top. I happen to like celery, and I have had intensely flavorful batches and somewhat bland batches so obviously YMMV. Generalizing and calling it all tough, flavorless and useless reveals that a person either has not tried a tender flavorful specimen or perhaps that they lack the facilities to perceive the flavor/aroma compounds present in celery, some individuals may be more sensitive to them and/or perceive them as unpleasant.

To me it has an aromatic herbal fragrant character, and a slightly salty flavor, which combine in distinctive ways with some hints of parsley, mint, and even sometimes hints of buttery coconut-like nuances. Cooking it a bit subdues the stronger flavors for me. I like it raw with nut or seed butters, homemade cheese spreads, hummus and in salads. Tuna salad is just incomplete without it, but it needs a good fine chop. Its indispensable for stocks and soups made in my kitchen imparting the basic fresh vegetable and herb aroma and flavor. It is low in calories, glycemic load, but high in fiber and can have pretty good potassium, folate and vitamin K numbers so saying that it contributes nothing is disingenuous.


Celery is also silicon rich, and that comes in very handy for people recovering from broken bones (ironic, since Foley artists snap celery to create the sound of breaking bones for TV and films).
 
2013-01-27 05:31:32 AM  

Phil Moskowitz: Even when you set the scale to Gawker, this is retarded.


Try reading it with the scale set to Fox, then it reads like a piece of classic literature.
 
2013-01-27 05:37:49 AM  
I'm not a big fan of raw celery, but I don't mind it in soups & stews. And when I'm making chicken or tuna salad, I always had a dash of celery salt.
 
2013-01-27 05:47:03 AM  

rev. dave: The best use for celery is hot wings, followed by pea soup and lastly bloody Mary. No other uses exist.


No, no ,no. It's Bloody Mary firstly, and pea soup is only good for illuding as vomit in movies.
And no love for Waldorf Salad?
 
2013-01-27 05:52:12 AM  

born_yesterday: lordargent: I can't do a damned thing with beets, every preparation, every spicing, and they still come out nasty.

I like them roasted (peel on, coated with olive oil), then peel and chop. Maybe with some balsamic vinegar.

If roasting doesn't cut it, I can't help ya.


I'd suggest roasting them also. I quarter them or cut them into 6 wedges according to size, drizzle with olive oil, salt, and pepper and roast at 425 for 45 minutes or so flipping them around a couple of times. I peel them first because I would rather eat the crunchy roasty bits than throw them away in the garbage.

One caveat though- if you roast them with other veggies like potatoes and onions- they will give everything a wierd pink hue that is kind of unsettling.

This is what happens when I wake up in the middle of the night and watch The Ice Harvest on HBO. I wax poetic about beets. LULZ
 
2013-01-27 05:58:19 AM  

Bathia_Mapes: I'm not a big fan of raw celery, but I don't mind it in soups & stews. And when I'm making chicken or tuna salad, I always had a dash of celery salt.


Try celery salt on french fries.
 
2013-01-27 06:46:35 AM  

ciberido: sno man: stanadamsii: lordargent: HotWingAgenda: Brussels sprouts, however, is the devil's food.

I'm ok with brussels sprouts, when roasted with mushrooms and bacon, with a bit of olive oil and sea salt.

BUT

When I was younger, I used to dislike a lot of veggies. Broccoli, sprouts, peas, etc.

When I got older, moved out, got my own kitchen and started cooking for myself, I realized that my dislike of a lot of veggies was a matter of preparation. IE, my mom/stepdad BOILED a lot of their veggies with little alteration.

With a steamer pot and a cast iron roasting pan and a cabinet full of spices, I've turned all of those disliked/hated veggies into dishes that ranged from tolerable to damned tasty.

EXCEPT FOR BEETS!!!

I can't do a damned thing with beets, every preparation, every spicing, and they still come out nasty.

Remember beets have *a lot* of sugar, use it small diced as the sweet component like a raisin in a stir fry and you might like it better. Never canned.
/also didn't like it until recently- balsamic was my gateway to liking it.

Beets are best roasted... clean, wrap in tin foil and throw into a 350ish oven for an hour or so.  when they give a little when you poke them, pull them out, let them cool a bit, peel them and cut up as you like, toss with butter and a pinch of salt. Just don't be too alarmed the next day or two in the bathroom.  I have an awesome Indian dish with beets, tomato, cumin and onions as well.

What the hell is wrong with you people? You've never ever heard of borscht?


LOL I had a Russian friend who was coming to visit, so I got the brilliant idea to make borscht. I bought about 20 dollars worth of fresh beets and believe me, grating beets is like grating chunks of limestone. Those little farkers are unforgiving and dense as moon rocks. It was the "most labor intensive for the least results" thing I have ever concocted in my kitchen. On the upside- he loved it. I tasted it and absolutely hated it.

Thank FSM he was here for a week and ate all of it. Otherwise I would have flung it into the sideyard for the starlings to mock.
 
2013-01-27 07:06:15 AM  

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: You'd best smile when you talk about Dr. Brown's Cel-Ray celery flavored soda.


They still make that? I thought my father was the only one who would even drink it.
 
2013-01-27 07:59:52 AM  
It's application as a posterior tickling device to induce orgasms is also vastly overrated.
 
2013-01-27 09:12:42 AM  

cowgirl toffee: katerbug72: cowgirl toffee: katerbug72: cowgirl toffee: ... Clamato is best ....

Sorry... I just threw up a little in my mouth... and it was still better than Clamato. *blech*
:P


lol I love the stuff.
 
2013-01-27 09:51:06 AM  

lordargent: HotWingAgenda:

EXCEPT FOR BEETS!!!

I can't do a damned thing with beets, every preparation, every spicing, and they still come out nasty.


Wash, cut off stem/root, wrap in aluminum foil. Bake at 400 for 45 minutes or so (until they won't stick to a knife when stabbed). The oven heat carmelizes some of the sugar in the beets, and they go from tasting like dirt to tasting roasty. Soak in cool water enough to allow you to massage the skins off. Cut into 1/2" or so cubes, coat with vinaigrette of choice. Add walnuts, sprinkle with goat or feta cheese. Delicious, delicious roasted beet salad. Keeps for a good few days in the fridge, makes for a good work-lunch side dish.
 
2013-01-27 09:58:28 AM  

rga184: One was your basic supermarket stuff for everyday choking.


Olive oil can be used for everyday choking, huh? You a member of the Thuggee cult?

Mock26: I hope the author chokes on a steak.


Or you could just send the author some of rga184's olive oil.
 
2013-01-27 09:59:53 AM  

carnifex2005: [Nature's Toothbrush]


F*kken saved.
 
2013-01-27 10:08:33 AM  
The most flavor of celery is in the leaves, but celery at the grocery is almost always denuded. Pisses me off.
 
2013-01-27 10:16:44 AM  

remus: I thought the biggest lie was "I'll pull out"... Oh, wait, celery, sorry, move on. Nothing to see here


Look, pull your celery out or don't, but don't lie about it, son.
 
2013-01-27 10:40:24 AM  
Has the author never seen one of these? A couple of passes and the strings are gone, and it is ready for your salad.

www.chefcentral.com
/hot
 
2013-01-27 11:50:18 AM  
I love celery.
 
2013-01-27 12:33:24 PM  
www.u.arizona.edu

celery sandwich from the old days over clocking a 300A to 504mhz
 
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