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(Gawker)   The three most outrageous lies about celery. "It's delicious" is the biggest lie, of course   (gawker.com ) divider line
    More: Sick, blue cheeses  
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19788 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Jan 2013 at 9:28 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



268 Comments     (+0 »)
 
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2013-01-26 10:17:57 PM  

KidneyStone: Celery salt is a critical ingredient in some things.

[www.thepauperedchef.com image 850x566]


Where's the ketchup?
 
2013-01-26 10:19:03 PM  

Shostie: I miss celery. My wife hates it and green pepper, so like 2/3 of the cajun trinity are right out the f*cking window.


That sounds like grounds for divorce.
 
2013-01-26 10:19:10 PM  
The good folks at Gawker should be strung by the testicles / tits by rope made from celery fiber and kicked in the head with the hopes that it will make them writers that are worth reading.
 
2013-01-26 10:19:45 PM  
I pretty much only like celery as a vehicle for some better tasting spreadable (peanut butter, ranch dip, etc) or if it's been boiled down to something soft and transparent in soup. I admit I do tend to hate finding crunchy celery pieces in food... I can think of a type of chicken salad that gets away with it, but that's all.

I remember being made to read a story in about 5th or 6th grade called The All-American Slurp that was about a Chinese family moving to the US. There was a scene where they were served dip and celery sticks, and they quickly noticed the problem with the little threads getting stuck in their teeth; so they all started pulling the threads out of the celery sticks before eating them. Apparently their hosts thought this was weird.
 
2013-01-26 10:21:36 PM  
My only allergy is raw celery. I can eat it cooked, but snap a piece of raw celery near me and my throat closes up. I've never heard of this in anyone else, and so it's probably in my crazy head.
 
2013-01-26 10:22:06 PM  
Celery is my favorite complimentary vegetable. It's good in almost anything with other vegetables and adds great flavor.
 
2013-01-26 10:25:23 PM  
The important thing about celery is to cut across the fibers. It's a general rule for things with fibers going in one direction, as the same applies to steak cuts and fajitas. If you cut the fajita meat vertically it's more tender than on the bias.

And you must learn to COOK the celery. It's a handy low carb substance that can be a handy foodstuff.

In stick form it's a vehicle for fatty dips, it doesn't jive with salsa.
 
2013-01-26 10:27:15 PM  
I've occasionally made various bean dishes in a pressure cooker and added coarsely-chopped celery before sealing it up. The celery completely breaks down in the cooking process (no stringiness!), but since the cooker is sealed the celery doesn't oxidize and it retains its fresh flavor as it melts into the rest of the dish.
 
2013-01-26 10:29:09 PM  
Despite having some spots that needed an editor's touch, the article, I thought, was funny -- and I don't even agree with most of what the author says about celery.
 
2013-01-26 10:30:16 PM  
Celery raped my dog. And it didn't stop there.
 
2013-01-26 10:34:18 PM  
www.quick-and-easy-dinner.com

They're like little saturated fat rolls of heaven.
 
2013-01-26 10:34:54 PM  

carnifex2005: [i.imgur.com image 513x578]


I see the problem. That is *not* how you are supposed to consume celery... unless your name is Quagmire.
 
2013-01-26 10:37:31 PM  
I'm sorry but some stalks of celery sauteed in a half pound of butter with onions is the basis for many tasty soups.
 
2013-01-26 10:49:05 PM  

LemSkroob: Doesn't celery (and iceberg lettuce) have very low nutritional value? Basically just water and indigestible plant matter, no?


Celery has more vitamins than iceberg lettuce. Meaning celery has some vitamins.

Also flavor.
 
2013-01-26 10:49:06 PM  

lordargent: HotWingAgenda: Brussels sprouts, however, is the devil's food.

I'm ok with brussels sprouts, when roasted with mushrooms and bacon, with a bit of olive oil and sea salt.

BUT

When I was younger, I used to dislike a lot of veggies. Broccoli, sprouts, peas, etc.

When I got older, moved out, got my own kitchen and started cooking for myself, I realized that my dislike of a lot of veggies was a matter of preparation. IE, my mom/stepdad BOILED a lot of their veggies with little alteration.

With a steamer pot and a cast iron roasting pan and a cabinet full of spices, I've turned all of those disliked/hated veggies into dishes that ranged from tolerable to damned tasty.

EXCEPT FOR BEETS!!!

I can't do a damned thing with beets, every preparation, every spicing, and they still come out nasty.


Remember beets have *a lot* of sugar, use it small diced as the sweet component like a raisin in a stir fry and you might like it better. Never canned.
/also didn't like it until recently- balsamic was my gateway to liking it.
 
2013-01-26 10:49:10 PM  

St_Francis_P: I'm hardly a fan of celery, but that article was a bit over the top. As kasy said in the comments,

All this article does is make me think that all Mallory eats is like, chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs and minute rice


I just ate a chicken nuggets shaped like a dinosaur, and I think celery is pretty good.
 
2013-01-26 10:51:08 PM  

KidneyStone: Celery salt is a critical ingredient in some things.

[www.thepauperedchef.com image 850x566]


Love me some Chicago Dogs
 
2013-01-26 10:51:17 PM  
Eating celery usually results in me getting a raging boner. It has been known to have these sorts of properties apparently.
 
2013-01-26 10:52:52 PM  
God I hate celery. People shove it in everything to add more cheap bulk too - from chicken salad to stuffing/dressing. And for those saying it has no taste, you must have no taste buds. Vile tasting weed.
 
2013-01-26 10:53:39 PM  

LionHound: Some farkers farking love celery some farkers hate it with a passion. Everybody doesn't perceive flavor and aroma the same way and hence like the same things in their farking mouth. Calling something disgusting because you don't have a taste for it is a little over the top. I happen to like celery, and I have had intensely flavorful batches and somewhat bland batches so obviously YMMV. Generalizing and calling it all tough, flavorless and useless reveals that a person either has not tried a tender flavorful specimen or perhaps that they lack the facilities to perceive the flavor/aroma compounds present in celery, some individuals may be more sensitive to them and/or perceive them as unpleasant.

To me it has an aromatic herbal fragrant character, and a slightly salty flavor, which combine in distinctive ways with some hints of parsley, mint, and even sometimes hints of buttery coconut-like nuances. Cooking it a bit subdues the stronger flavors for me. I like it raw with nut or seed butters, homemade cheese spreads, hummus and in salads. Tuna salad is just incomplete without it, but it needs a good fine chop. Its indispensable for stocks and soups made in my kitchen imparting the basic fresh vegetable and herb aroma and flavor. It is low in calories, glycemic load, but high in fiber and can have pretty good potassium, folate and vitamin K numbers so saying that it contributes nothing is disingenuous.


Good point. I bet you most people who say they hate celery find cilantro "soapy" to the taste. I've only had that happen once when I had over acidified the guacamole, so it may simply be a tastebud sensitivity thing.
 
2013-01-26 10:53:51 PM  
I would not have expected a celery thread to garner so much attention.
 
2013-01-26 10:55:03 PM  
chzhistoriclols.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-01-26 10:55:24 PM  

PC LOAD LETTER: Eating celery usually results in me getting a raging boner. It has been known to have these sorts of properties apparently.


Raging Celery Boner would be a great band name.
 
2013-01-26 10:59:54 PM  
CSB - Kinda.

When I was a kid, C&H used to play these commercials with kids in Hawaii eating straight up sugar cane. Living in the midwest, sugar cane was not plentiful to my 4 year old self. So - since Sugar Cane became something my toddler self apparently became obsessed with, according to my mother, she said I made my own sugar cane with celery dipped in sugar. Don't remember if it was gross or awesome. Since I don't still eat it, I'm going with gross.

/Celery filled with cream cheese, however, is the bomb diggity!
 
2013-01-26 11:00:34 PM  

wildcardjack: The important thing about celery is to cut across the fibers. It's a general rule for things with fibers going in one direction, as the same applies to steak cuts and fajitas. If you cut the fajita meat vertically it's more tender than on the bias.
.


Really? I thought I had to slice fajita (skirt or in my case flank steak) on the bias and against the grain.
/claude's fajita marinade is awesome  Link
 
2013-01-26 11:02:48 PM  
The Wonder Pets would like a word with you...
 
2013-01-26 11:03:59 PM  
Having read a great many lively threads on Fark over many years, I do not yet think I have encountered a celery thread on the main page. Awesome.

I thought the article was more amusing than the average Cracked list and I like celery very much, thank you. With peanut butter on the big outside stalks.

PacManDreaming: Unless it's the light green inner stalks. They taste good by themselves.


Best. Plant stuff. Ever.
 
2013-01-26 11:04:40 PM  

stanadamsii: lordargent: HotWingAgenda: Brussels sprouts, however, is the devil's food.

I'm ok with brussels sprouts, when roasted with mushrooms and bacon, with a bit of olive oil and sea salt.

BUT

When I was younger, I used to dislike a lot of veggies. Broccoli, sprouts, peas, etc.

When I got older, moved out, got my own kitchen and started cooking for myself, I realized that my dislike of a lot of veggies was a matter of preparation. IE, my mom/stepdad BOILED a lot of their veggies with little alteration.

With a steamer pot and a cast iron roasting pan and a cabinet full of spices, I've turned all of those disliked/hated veggies into dishes that ranged from tolerable to damned tasty.

EXCEPT FOR BEETS!!!

I can't do a damned thing with beets, every preparation, every spicing, and they still come out nasty.

Remember beets have *a lot* of sugar, use it small diced as the sweet component like a raisin in a stir fry and you might like it better. Never canned.
/also didn't like it until recently- balsamic was my gateway to liking it.


Beets are best roasted... clean, wrap in tin foil and throw into a 350ish oven for an hour or so.  when they give a little when you poke them, pull them out, let them cool a bit, peel them and cut up as you like, toss with butter and a pinch of salt. Just don't be too alarmed the next day or two in the bathroom.  I have an awesome Indian dish with beets, tomato, cumin and onions as well.
 
2013-01-26 11:06:03 PM  

born_yesterday: I would not have expected a celery thread to garner so much attention.


Celerybrate good times, c'mon on!
 
2013-01-26 11:07:16 PM  

rev. dave: The best use for celery is hot wings, followed by pea soup and lastly bloody Mary. No other uses exist.


blog.heartland.org

You forgot one.
 
2013-01-26 11:07:50 PM  

Louisiana_Sitar_Club: KidneyStone: Celery salt is a critical ingredient in some things.

[www.thepauperedchef.com image 850x566]

Where's the ketchup?


PURGE THE HERETIC!
 
2013-01-26 11:08:08 PM  

A Shambling Mound: Having read a great many lively threads on Fark over many years, I do not yet think I have encountered a celery thread on the main page. Awesome.

I thought the article was more amusing than the average Cracked list and I like celery very much, thank you. With peanut butter on the big outside stalks.

PacManDreaming: Unless it's the light green inner stalks. They taste good by themselves.

Best. Plant stuff. Ever.


Ahem

cdn.theweedblog.com
/hot like celery on the stovetop
 
2013-01-26 11:09:15 PM  

Thunderboy: t3knomanser: PacManDreaming: They taste good by themselves.

They don't taste like anything. A glass of tap water has more flavor than celery.

Celery is incredibly flavorful. I don't know what it is that you've been eating, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't celery.


I overheard some chicks having the same conversation about semen.
 
2013-01-26 11:09:28 PM  

carmody: Celery is disgusting. I can taste a single molecule of its awfulness in a sea of any tasty dish.


I used to know a guy who was allergic to celery. He couldn't eat almost any soup not made at home, nor the many fried foods treated with seasoned salt. So I kinda doubt you really are tasting this vile disgusting thing quite as reliably as you think.
 
2013-01-26 11:09:46 PM  

Fish in a Barrel: fusillade762: /also hate raw coconut, tapioca and rice pudding

The texture of rice pudding triggers every neuron in my brain to send out a distress signal. It is completely anathema.


There is such a thing as tasty rice pudding. Sadly, however, only about 5 percent of rice pudding falls into this category. Rice pudding is one of those things that can be great if done well, but rarely is.
 
2013-01-26 11:10:02 PM  

thisisyourbrainonFark: A Shambling Mound: Having read a great many lively threads on Fark over many years, I do not yet think I have encountered a celery thread on the main page. Awesome.

I thought the article was more amusing than the average Cracked list and I like celery very much, thank you. With peanut butter on the big outside stalks.

PacManDreaming: Unless it's the light green inner stalks. They taste good by themselves.

Best. Plant stuff. Ever.

Ahem

[cdn.theweedblog.com image 360x540]
/hot like celery on the stovetop


Good God, it doesn't even look like it's from this planet.
 
2013-01-26 11:10:35 PM  

star_topology: cirby: Celery makes a great edible spoon for pimiento cheese.

And similarly, guacamole!


And cream cheese
 
2013-01-26 11:11:41 PM  
That said, you know who else liked celery?

lileks.com

Art Frahm, that's who!

/Thanks James
 
2013-01-26 11:11:46 PM  

toraque: jaytkay: TFA: "...celery contributes nothing [to soup]..."

That writer does not know how to cook.

I'm picturing him throwing a stalk of celery in a can Chef BoyArDee and staring at it, confused and angry.


Well, to be fair, with or without celery, a can of Chef BoyArDee could make just about anybody confused and angry.
 
2013-01-26 11:12:28 PM  
The shiate that gets greenlit
 
2013-01-26 11:12:43 PM  
You guys are pretty hard on the author. I enjoy celery as much as the next guy (not much, but it's OK in soups and casseroles, and a few sticks as a snack maybe), but cmon, the article was funny.
 
2013-01-26 11:14:44 PM  
Celery is good in stocks, dipped in ranch and umm....that's about it.
I'll take raw celery before raw cucumber any day though.
 
2013-01-26 11:15:19 PM  

KidneyStone: Celery salt is a critical ingredient in some things.

[www.thepauperedchef.com image 850x566]


Now you just need to throw some avocado on top and Chileans will line up to eat that.

There's just something about Chileans and weird crap on hot dogs. Don't ask me to explain.
 
2013-01-26 11:15:51 PM  

lordargent: HotWingAgenda: Brussels sprouts, however, is the devil's food.

I'm ok with brussels sprouts, when roasted with mushrooms and bacon, with a bit of olive oil and sea salt.

BUT

When I was younger, I used to dislike a lot of veggies. Broccoli, sprouts, peas, etc.

When I got older, moved out, got my own kitchen and started cooking for myself, I realized that my dislike of a lot of veggies was a matter of preparation. IE, my mom/stepdad BOILED a lot of their veggies with little alteration.

With a steamer pot and a cast iron roasting pan and a cabinet full of spices, I've turned all of those disliked/hated veggies into dishes that ranged from tolerable to damned tasty.

EXCEPT FOR BEETS!!!

I can't do a damned thing with beets, every preparation, every spicing, and they still come out nasty.


Is it the earthy taste? Because lemon breaks the compound that causes that down.

I love this puréed beet soup: mushrooms, bell pepper, an apple, an onion and a bunch of beets go into a pot with butter and a little broth. Steam them like that 20 min, then cover with broth, cook a little more. Purée, adding the juice of one lemon. Tastes like a cream soup, very rich, and good with a thick crunchy bread.
 
2013-01-26 11:16:17 PM  

FueledByEthanol: That said, you know who else liked celery?

[lileks.com image 800x968]

Art Frahm, that's who!

/Thanks James


Looks like she's ...

(puts on sunglasses)

... being stalked.
 
2013-01-26 11:17:39 PM  

HotWingAgenda: Gyrfalcon: Celery is not the worst vegetable ever.

Brussels sprouts, however, is the devil's food.

FTFY

/taste like little balled up gym socks


If you cook them wrong, yes. Do it right (and with good sprouts) and they're fantastic. ...I just don't think they tolerate overcooking very well.

stanadamsii: Good point. I bet you most people who say they hate celery find cilantro "soapy" to the taste. I've only had that happen once when I had over acidified the guacamole, so it may simply be a tastebud sensitivity thing.


I like cilantro just fine, but hate celery. And bananas. Just a bit of either celery or banana in something (without lots of cooking/baking) completely (and unpleasantly) overpowers the taste of all other ingredients.
 
2013-01-26 11:18:17 PM  
Cheez wizz and celery..maybe once a year
 
2013-01-26 11:20:41 PM  

sno man: stanadamsii: lordargent: HotWingAgenda: Brussels sprouts, however, is the devil's food.

I'm ok with brussels sprouts, when roasted with mushrooms and bacon, with a bit of olive oil and sea salt.

BUT

When I was younger, I used to dislike a lot of veggies. Broccoli, sprouts, peas, etc.

When I got older, moved out, got my own kitchen and started cooking for myself, I realized that my dislike of a lot of veggies was a matter of preparation. IE, my mom/stepdad BOILED a lot of their veggies with little alteration.

With a steamer pot and a cast iron roasting pan and a cabinet full of spices, I've turned all of those disliked/hated veggies into dishes that ranged from tolerable to damned tasty.

EXCEPT FOR BEETS!!!

I can't do a damned thing with beets, every preparation, every spicing, and they still come out nasty.

Remember beets have *a lot* of sugar, use it small diced as the sweet component like a raisin in a stir fry and you might like it better. Never canned.
/also didn't like it until recently- balsamic was my gateway to liking it.

Beets are best roasted... clean, wrap in tin foil and throw into a 350ish oven for an hour or so.  when they give a little when you poke them, pull them out, let them cool a bit, peel them and cut up as you like, toss with butter and a pinch of salt. Just don't be too alarmed the next day or two in the bathroom.  I have an awesome Indian dish with beets, tomato, cumin and onions as well.


What the hell is wrong with you people? You've never ever heard of borscht?
 
2013-01-26 11:21:27 PM  
stanadamsii:

Good point. I bet you most people who say they hate celery find cilantro "soapy" to the taste. I've only had that happen once when I had over acidified the guacamole, so it may simply be a tastebud sensitivity thing.

I have thought the same thing. My wife tastes "perfume" in some beers with hoppy character. At first I was kind of iffy on lavender in foods, but when it's not overdone I quite enjoy it. Incidentally, we have a running joke in the house. I make simple guacamole pretty frequently, which consists of avocados, onions, salt and fresh-squeezed lime juice, adjusted as it is being made to the perfect balance. I was showing Mrs Lionhound how I make my guac one night and I was explaining how there were subtle variations in the ingredients among my Mexican friends from the same family and Avacado region. A few of them like cilantro in the guac, and a few of them thought it was crazy. I love cilantro but I like the pure and simple taste of guacamole without it just as well if not better than with. So I told my Mrs. L. that I only put cilantro in the guac if I am feeling "frisky" that night. Needless to say, since that night, I can't help but throw some in now and again.
 
2013-01-26 11:23:43 PM  

ski9600: wildcardjack: The important thing about celery is to cut across the fibers. It's a general rule for things with fibers going in one direction, as the same applies to steak cuts and fajitas. If you cut the fajita meat vertically it's more tender than on the bias.
.

Really? I thought I had to slice fajita (skirt or in my case flank steak) on the bias and against the grain.
/claude's fajita marinade is awesome  Link


I think he just mixed up what on the bias means.
 
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