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(Gawker)   The three most outrageous lies about celery. "It's delicious" is the biggest lie, of course   (gawker.com) divider line 270
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19743 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Jan 2013 at 9:28 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-26 09:43:48 PM  
Celery, carrots, and onions are the holy trinity. At least two of them will appear as the base for ANY Western soup.

The writer of that article clearly has absolutely no idea how to cook, nor how to use vegetables.
 
2013-01-26 09:44:39 PM  
Celery is one of the major ingredients in many amazing foods. An onion, bell pepper and celery base is part of just about everything I love.

You could not have crawfish etouffee without celery.

Writer fails.
 
2013-01-26 09:44:52 PM  
If your celery is tough and stringy, find another grocer.
 
2013-01-26 09:44:52 PM  

Thunderboy: t3knomanser: PacManDreaming: They taste good by themselves.

They don't taste like anything. A glass of tap water has more flavor than celery.

Celery is incredibly flavorful. I don't know what it is that you've been eating, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't celery.


Well, since they said that tap water has more flavor, they probably live somewhere with some horrid tap water.
 
2013-01-26 09:47:19 PM  
Being on a low carb/sugar diet, you don't know how many time celery with a little peanut butter has saved my ass from engulfing large quantities of cookies when I needed something sweet.
 
2013-01-26 09:47:28 PM  

jaytkay: TFA: "...celery contributes nothing [to soup]..."

That writer does not know how to cook.


I'm picturing him throwing a stalk of celery in a can Chef BoyArDee and staring at it, confused and angry.
 
2013-01-26 09:47:49 PM  

halB: Celery, carrots, and onions are the holy trinity. At least two of them will appear as the base for ANY Western soup.

The writer of that article clearly has absolutely no idea how to cook, nor how to use vegetables.


Mirepoix is the base for all kinds of awesome food.
 
2013-01-26 09:49:45 PM  

Fish in a Barrel: fusillade762: /also hate raw coconut, tapioca and rice pudding

The texture of rice pudding triggers every neuron in my brain to send out a distress signal. It is completely anathema.


Both of you are crazy. Tapioca is de-freakin-licious. Rice pudding is good, but I have to leave out the raisins. I grew up in Fresno, so I can't help but feel like raisins are a waste of a good grape.
 
2013-01-26 09:49:59 PM  

halB: Celery, carrots, and onions are the holy trinity. At least two of them will appear as the base for ANY Western soup.

The writer of that article clearly has absolutely no idea how to cook, nor how to use vegetables.


I'd add in garlic. I usually have all 4 on hand in my house at any time.
 
2013-01-26 09:50:47 PM  

Mr. Shabooboo: I don't like stringy celery . If something calls for celery, I'll put in celery seeds instead.That also spreads
out the flavoring from just one stringy green blob to the whole dish.


You know, something for me and you to try is actually using a peeler on the outside curve of the celery lightly before eating it raw. I saw Jacques Pepin do this once on a show. Maybe that would make it totally less stringy. He also peels the stalk of the broccoli stem, slices it into similar sized pieces and roasts it or cooks it right with the florets.
I tried it with the broccoli and the stems were totally fine to eat and cooked in the same time.
 
2013-01-26 09:51:20 PM  
I f*cking hate celery. I'm in complete agreement with the writer here.
 
2013-01-26 09:52:01 PM  

enry: halB: Celery, carrots, and onions are the holy trinity. At least two of them will appear as the base for ANY Western soup.

The writer of that article clearly has absolutely no idea how to cook, nor how to use vegetables.

I'd add in garlic. I usually have all 4 on hand in my house at any time.


That's actually the Italian version of Mirepoix if I remember my Alton Brown correctly.
 
2013-01-26 09:52:03 PM  

Babbs: Being on a low carb/sugar diet, you don't know how many time celery with a little peanut butter has saved my ass from engulfing large quantities of cookies when I needed something sweet.


I dust it with salt and pepper and then drizzle a balsamic reduction on it for an almost totally calorie free snack when I know I'm eating just to eat.

It's awesome for that.
 
2013-01-26 09:52:39 PM  
Celery is disgusting. I can taste a single molecule of its awfulness in a sea of any tasty dish.
 
2013-01-26 09:53:00 PM  

ski9600: You know, something for me and you to try is actually using a peeler on the outside curve of the celery lightly before eating it raw.


Another trick is to snap the celery near the base and carefully pull back so any strings come off the outside curve.
 
2013-01-26 09:53:33 PM  
I hate celery so bad that I even hate people who like it.
 
2013-01-26 09:53:56 PM  
Anyone that adds celery (and/or cilantro) to a dish that is presented to me can DIAF. Constantly overpowers the flavor, ruining any subtleties the dish may have had.

Post-hot wing debauchery is the only proper place for that crap.
 
2013-01-26 09:54:00 PM  
Celery is not the worst vegetable ever.

Broccoli, however, is the devil's food.
 
2013-01-26 09:54:36 PM  

lordargent: Celery ... barely qualifies as food, it's mostly water and fiber and not much in the way of nourishment.

Fark Classic : what does 200 calories look like

200 calories of celery => 1425 grams of celery => 3.14159 pounds

You need to eat 3 pounds of celery to get 200 calories of energy!


HOLY CRAP! 200 calories is exactly PI pounds of celery! We have a new basis for a mathematical constant! MIND = BLOWN.
 
2013-01-26 09:55:22 PM  
I like celery, there I said it. I like it raw, cooked, layered with cottage cheese and cracked pepper.
 
2013-01-26 09:55:36 PM  
Also, there's a Taiwanese place near here that makes a very celery-heavy Kung Pao shrimp, and holy god is it amazing.
 
2013-01-26 09:55:48 PM  

carmody: Celery is disgusting. I can taste a single molecule of its awfulness in a sea of any tasty dish.



At least it isn't tasteless, then?
 
2013-01-26 09:55:59 PM  
enjoy dealing with veggie libel laws, idiot
 
2013-01-26 09:56:17 PM  

Strobeguy: layered with cottage cheese


Gahhhh! Now there's a useless food.
 
2013-01-26 09:57:04 PM  

Genevieve Marie: Babbs: Being on a low carb/sugar diet, you don't know how many time celery with a little peanut butter has saved my ass from engulfing large quantities of cookies when I needed something sweet.

I dust it with salt and pepper and then drizzle a balsamic reduction on it for an almost totally calorie free snack when I know I'm eating just to eat.

It's awesome for that.


I'm going to have to try that!
 
2013-01-26 09:57:12 PM  

lordargent: Celery ... barely qualifies as food, it's mostly water and fiber and not much in the way of nourishment.

Fark Classic : what does 200 calories look like

200 calories of celery => 1425 grams of celery => 3.14159 pounds

You need to eat 3 pounds of celery to get 200 calories of energy!


Or, in other words, a Π of celery?
 
2013-01-26 09:57:19 PM  

Representative of the unwashed masses: It belongs slathered in this...



Oh yeah...


You get my cheese whiz boy?
 
2013-01-26 09:58:20 PM  
Zeppelininthesky: Mirepoix is the base for all kinds of awesome food.

My trinity is onions, garlic and peppers.

// not a celery fan, but I have about half a dozen onions in my fridge right now.
 
2013-01-26 09:58:32 PM  

Gyrfalcon: Celery is not the worst vegetable ever.

Brussels sprouts, however, is the devil's food.


FTFY

/taste like little balled up gym socks
 
2013-01-26 10:01:00 PM  
stiletto_the_wise: HOLY CRAP! 200 calories is exactly PI pounds of celery!

I noticed that as well.

// gis for celery pie
 
2013-01-26 10:01:09 PM  
Celery is awesome. It's essential in chicken salad. Also, if it starts to get soft and wilty, cut the ends and stick the stalks in a glass of water and put it in the fridge. It will crisp right back up in a few hours.
 
2013-01-26 10:01:22 PM  
i like celery well enough.

but, for some damned reason, i can't say 'celery' without sounding like i have a hairlip.
 
2013-01-26 10:01:54 PM  

HotWingAgenda: Gyrfalcon: Celery is not the worst vegetable ever.

Brussels sprouts, however, is the devil's food.

FTFY

/taste like little balled up gym socks


Try this:

Slice them in half, then very fine.
Heat up a pan, hot, put in some butter and oil.
Toss in the Brussels sprouts and flip or stir.
Add a splash of whitewine and a small grating of nutmeg.
Cook just until the sprouts are brilliant green.
Grate some parmesan on top.
 
2013-01-26 10:02:06 PM  

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Samuel L. Jackson would agree with you.


I laughed waaaaay too hard at that.
 
2013-01-26 10:03:44 PM  

Shostie: I miss celery. My wife hates it and green pepper, so like 2/3 of the cajun trinity are right out the f*cking window.


You know, the nice thing about celery is that it isn't actually a team sport. Go ahead and eat your celery.
 
2013-01-26 10:04:54 PM  
HotWingAgenda: Brussels sprouts, however, is the devil's food.

I'm ok with brussels sprouts, when roasted with mushrooms and bacon, with a bit of olive oil and sea salt.

BUT

When I was younger, I used to dislike a lot of veggies. Broccoli, sprouts, peas, etc.

When I got older, moved out, got my own kitchen and started cooking for myself, I realized that my dislike of a lot of veggies was a matter of preparation. IE, my mom/stepdad BOILED a lot of their veggies with little alteration.

With a steamer pot and a cast iron roasting pan and a cabinet full of spices, I've turned all of those disliked/hated veggies into dishes that ranged from tolerable to damned tasty.

EXCEPT FOR BEETS!!!

I can't do a damned thing with beets, every preparation, every spicing, and they still come out nasty.
 
2013-01-26 10:05:43 PM  

HotWingAgenda: /taste like little balled up gym socks


Only if you try to steam it in an aluminium pot. My friend discovered that nuking them (although I don't know how long) makes them come out perfectly.
 
2013-01-26 10:05:49 PM  
Celery salt is a critical ingredient in some things.

www.thepauperedchef.com
 
2013-01-26 10:07:27 PM  

KidneyStone: Celery salt is a critical ingredient in some things.


3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-01-26 10:08:35 PM  

Zugswang: Sounds like this article was written by someone who doesn't do a lot of cooking. If your celery is brown and mushy, it means you cooked it to death, and you chop the celery for most soups (apparently, this person has also never heard of mirepoix).

Also, protip, If you're cooking celery (or any green leafy veggie), and want to keep it from becoming drab, just toss in a little baking soda, and they will be flavorful and beautifully colored. For anything like carrots, or red cabbage (basically, anything that isn't pigmented by chlorophyll) add a little vinegar for the same effect.

Bam. Cooked veggies as delicious as they are visually appealing.


Ummm, mirepoix.  The Holy Trinity of French cooking.
I make use of dehydrated celery in soups and stews.  Seems to concentrate the flavor...and dehydrated celery doesn't get mushy, no matter how long you cook it...has more of a chewy texture.
 
2013-01-26 10:09:22 PM  
In all seriousness, I'm gonna chime in with all the pro-celery folks.

I can't imagine NOT using celery in my cooking.

MooseUpNorth: I laughed waaaaay too hard at that.


Heh, I only wish that I came up with that. Glad ya dug it!
 
2013-01-26 10:09:43 PM  
Glad I'm not the only one who doesn't like celery. Not as much as this guy despises it, but still.
 
2013-01-26 10:10:18 PM  

whatshisname: ski9600: You know, something for me and you to try is actually using a peeler on the outside curve of the celery lightly before eating it raw.

Another trick is to snap the celery near the base and carefully pull back so any strings come off the outside curve.


I do both of those things, especially with dark green celery stalks.
 
2013-01-26 10:12:25 PM  
I made some epic jambalaya today, so I'm really getting a kick...
 
2013-01-26 10:12:35 PM  
Some farkers farking love celery some farkers hate it with a passion. Everybody doesn't perceive flavor and aroma the same way and hence like the same things in their farking mouth. Calling something disgusting because you don't have a taste for it is a little over the top. I happen to like celery, and I have had intensely flavorful batches and somewhat bland batches so obviously YMMV. Generalizing and calling it all tough, flavorless and useless reveals that a person either has not tried a tender flavorful specimen or perhaps that they lack the facilities to perceive the flavor/aroma compounds present in celery, some individuals may be more sensitive to them and/or perceive them as unpleasant.

To me it has an aromatic herbal fragrant character, and a slightly salty flavor, which combine in distinctive ways with some hints of parsley, mint, and even sometimes hints of buttery coconut-like nuances. Cooking it a bit subdues the stronger flavors for me. I like it raw with nut or seed butters, homemade cheese spreads, hummus and in salads. Tuna salad is just incomplete without it, but it needs a good fine chop. Its indispensable for stocks and soups made in my kitchen imparting the basic fresh vegetable and herb aroma and flavor. It is low in calories, glycemic load, but high in fiber and can have pretty good potassium, folate and vitamin K numbers so saying that it contributes nothing is disingenuous.
 
2013-01-26 10:12:36 PM  

lordargent: I can't do a damned thing with beets, every preparation, every spicing, and they still come out nasty.


I like them roasted (peel on, coated with olive oil), then peel and chop. Maybe with some balsamic vinegar.

If roasting doesn't cut it, I can't help ya.
 
2013-01-26 10:13:04 PM  

MooseUpNorth: Shostie: I miss celery. My wife hates it and green pepper, so like 2/3 of the cajun trinity are right out the f*cking window.

You know, the nice thing about celery is that it isn't actually a team sport. Go ahead and eat your celery.


this.
 
2013-01-26 10:13:12 PM  

KidneyStone: Celery salt is a critical ingredient in some things.

[www.thepauperedchef.com image 850x566]


That relish looks freakin nasty.  Relish should not be the same color as lime Jello
 
2013-01-26 10:14:24 PM  

lordargent: I realized that my dislike of a lot of veggies was a matter of preparation. IE, my mom/stepdad BOILED a lot of their veggies with little alteration.
...
I can't do a damned thing with beets, every preparation, every spicing, and they still come out nasty.


Jeez, this. Mom could cook food flawlessly using Arabian or Asian methods, but her Midwestern roots came to the fore whenever she made simple veggie sides. Ugh.

Those same Midwestern roots provide the only way I can appreciate beets: pickled. Give it a try sometime.
 
2013-01-26 10:14:51 PM  

KidneyStone: Celery salt is a critical ingredient in some things.


Oh, my.

/ I'm a few blocks from the Vienna Beef factory, so I'm getting a kick...
 
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