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(Gawker)   The three most outrageous lies about celery. "It's delicious" is the biggest lie, of course   (gawker.com) divider line 270
    More: Sick, blue cheeses  
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19752 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Jan 2013 at 9:28 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



270 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-01-26 06:43:19 PM  
I'm hardly a fan of celery, but that article was a bit over the top. As kasy said in the comments,

All this article does is make me think that all Mallory eats is like, chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs and minute rice
 
2013-01-26 08:20:36 PM  
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA.

img37.imageshack.us

You'd best smile when you talk about Dr. Brown's Cel-Ray celery flavored soda.
 
2013-01-26 08:21:11 PM  
what is this I don't even
 
2013-01-26 08:30:49 PM  
she sounds fat. garnish it.
 
2013-01-26 08:31:12 PM  
My jar of peanut butter says YOU'RE WRONG!
 
2013-01-26 08:33:59 PM  

PainInTheASP: My jar of peanut butter says YOU'RE WRONG!


img19.imageshack.us

Samuel L. Jackson would agree with you.
 
2013-01-26 08:48:08 PM  
i0.kym-cdn.com
 
2013-01-26 08:57:31 PM  
The word celery comes from the ancient practice of paying Roman soldiers an allowance to buy it...
 
2013-01-26 09:04:37 PM  
The best use for celery is hot wings, followed by pea soup and lastly bloody Mary. No other uses exist.
 
2013-01-26 09:07:06 PM  
I miss celery. My wife hates it and green pepper, so like 2/3 of the cajun trinity are right out the f*cking window.
 
2013-01-26 09:10:58 PM  

rev. dave: The best use for celery is hot wings, followed by pea soup and lastly bloody Mary. No other uses exist.


Wrong. It's best when you eat it with just a little salt on it. Unless it's the light green inner stalks. They taste good by themselves.

I can eat an entire bunch of celery by itself. One of my favorite vegetables, ever.
 
2013-01-26 09:14:24 PM  
I'm glad to find I'm not the only one who hates celery. Raw, anyway, I don't mind it cooked.

/also hate raw coconut, tapioca and rice pudding
 
2013-01-26 09:23:00 PM  

PacManDreaming: rev. dave: The best use for celery is hot wings, followed by pea soup and lastly bloody Mary. No other uses exist.

Wrong. It's best when you eat it with just a little salt on it. Unless it's the light green inner stalks. They taste good by themselves.

I can eat an entire bunch of celery by itself. One of my favorite vegetables, ever.


Well, whenever I eat hot wings I cannot get enough of it. I coat it in wing sauce until the wing sauce is gone, use it to spoon out the blue cheese or ranch dressing. I will eat it until it is all gone. But if I buy some that is not used for making soup or wings, it just sits in the refrigerator until it goes bad.
 
2013-01-26 09:24:19 PM  

PacManDreaming: They taste good by themselves.


They don't taste like anything. A glass of tap water has more flavor than celery.
 
2013-01-26 09:33:14 PM  

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA.

[img37.imageshack.us image 400x400]

You'd best smile when you talk about Dr. Brown's Cel-Ray celery flavored soda.


Dr. Brown's Cel-Ray is the best soda ever made.
 
2013-01-26 09:33:36 PM  
How much does Fark get for these articles?
 
2013-01-26 09:33:38 PM  
Lie #4 -- Author has any idea what the fark he's talking about.
 
2013-01-26 09:34:04 PM  
Add me to the 'they don't taste like anything" bunch.

With salt... hmm this tastes like cool watery fibrous salt.
 
2013-01-26 09:34:07 PM  
Now, I see. Hitler and celery. Celery and Hitler. I was blind but now I see, celery. And I will fight you.
 
2013-01-26 09:34:18 PM  

rev. dave: The best use for celery is hot wings


Truer words.
 
2013-01-26 09:34:44 PM  
I pass on the carrots just to get more celery with my mango habanero hot wings. Dipping all of the above in ranch mixed with habanero tabasco is the bomb.

I am spicy, and so can you.
 
2013-01-26 09:35:07 PM  

t3knomanser: PacManDreaming: They taste good by themselves.

They don't taste like anything. A glass of tap water has more flavor than celery.


Celery is incredibly flavorful. I don't know what it is that you've been eating, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't celery.
 
2013-01-26 09:35:12 PM  

Rannuci: Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA.

[img37.imageshack.us image 400x400]

You'd best smile when you talk about Dr. Brown's Cel-Ray celery flavored soda.

Dr. Brown's Cel-Ray is the best soda ever made.



Zappa liked it too!
 
2013-01-26 09:35:20 PM  

make me some tea: what is this I don't even


Forget it Jake, it's gawker.com.
 
2013-01-26 09:36:51 PM  

Thunderboy: t3knomanser: PacManDreaming: They taste good by themselves.

They don't taste like anything. A glass of tap water has more flavor than celery.

Celery is incredibly flavorful. I don't know what it is that you've been eating, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't celery.



Maybe they're all heavy smokers with no taste buds left.
 
2013-01-26 09:36:53 PM  
Celery makes a great edible spoon for pimiento cheese.
 
2013-01-26 09:37:06 PM  
Doesn't celery (and iceberg lettuce) have very low nutritional value? Basically just water and indigestible plant matter, no?
 
2013-01-26 09:37:10 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2013-01-26 09:37:30 PM  

HotWingAgenda: rev. dave: The best use for celery is hot wings

Truer words.


You sound like you have an agenda on the subject.
 
Skr
2013-01-26 09:37:48 PM  
It gets stuck in my teeth in a most horrible fashion. Basically I only eat it when it is rendered down into goo as a Chow Mein ingredient.
 
2013-01-26 09:38:00 PM  

cirby: Celery makes a great edible spoon for pimiento cheese.


And similarly, guacamole!

/Better for you than those fried "chips," too, fatty
 
2013-01-26 09:38:56 PM  

Skr: It gets stuck in my teeth in a most horrible fashion. Basically I only eat it when it is rendered down into goo as a Chow Mein ingredient.


Happens to me sometimes, too. Like a flossing accident.
 
2013-01-26 09:39:04 PM  
It belongs slathered in this...

blog.chewyland.com

Oh yeah...
 
2013-01-26 09:39:08 PM  
Celery and hummus is yummy. (I like Sabra Roasted Garlic Hummus.) YMMV
 
2013-01-26 09:39:16 PM  
I don't like stringy celery . If something calls for celery, I'll put in celery seeds instead.That also spreads
out the flavoring from just one stringy green blob to the whole dish.
 
2013-01-26 09:39:35 PM  
All I know about celery is 3 things: it has negative calories, it was promoted for use as toilet paper in old-timey ads, and foley artists use it for bone break sound fx. That's about the extent of my celery knowledges.
 
2013-01-26 09:40:07 PM  

fusillade762: /also hate raw coconut, tapioca and rice pudding


The texture of rice pudding triggers every neuron in my brain to send out a distress signal. It is completely anathema.
 
2013-01-26 09:40:28 PM  

rev. dave: The best use for celery is hot wings, followed by pea soup and lastly bloody Mary. No other uses exist.


I had a bite of the beef and veg stoup I made that contained two big hunks of celery today. I was not offended, and it was a bit different than the bites that had a big hunk of potato, or the ones that were corn, tomato and meat in a good way. I guess I'd say it tastes "fresh" even though it was cooked in a stoup. As compared to like the whole canned tomatoes in the stoup which I can't detect any flavor at all from them.
I do not like celery raw though, too stringy even with peanut butter. Although I haven't tried it since I was six so maybe I should.
/evoo
 
2013-01-26 09:40:33 PM  
25.media.tumblr.com

If nothing else, I'm sure it's good for my teeth.
 
2013-01-26 09:40:40 PM  

LemSkroob: Doesn't celery (and iceberg lettuce) have very low nutritional value? Basically just water and indigestible plant matter, no?


Ten calories a stalk, trace amounts of vitamins A and C, one gram fiber. So, yeah.
 
2013-01-26 09:41:05 PM  
Celery and carrots make a nice base for a soap, that is the only way I use it.
 
2013-01-26 09:41:40 PM  

Hector Remarkable: Now, I see. Hitler and celery. Celery and Hitler. I was blind but now I see, celery. And I will fight you.


Celery caused the Holocaust.
 
2013-01-26 09:42:10 PM  
I love celery. It is good in a salad and with hot wings. Just sprinkle it with salt.
 
2013-01-26 09:42:18 PM  
Which begs the Question..How much celery is in water?
 
2013-01-26 09:42:21 PM  

cirby: Celery makes a great edible spoon for pimiento cheese.


star_topology: And similarly, guacamole!


Peanut butter, too.
 
2013-01-26 09:42:45 PM  
Sounds like this article was written by someone who doesn't do a lot of cooking. If your celery is brown and mushy, it means you cooked it to death, and you chop the celery for most soups (apparently, this person has also never heard of mirepoix).

Also, protip, If you're cooking celery (or any green leafy veggie), and want to keep it from becoming drab, just toss in a little baking soda, and they will be flavorful and beautifully colored. For anything like carrots, or red cabbage (basically, anything that isn't pigmented by chlorophyll) add a little vinegar for the same effect.

Bam. Cooked veggies as delicious as they are visually appealing.
 
2013-01-26 09:42:56 PM  

carnifex2005:


Ha! Awesome.
 
2013-01-26 09:42:56 PM  

Rannuci: Dr. Brown's Cel-Ray is the best soda ever made.


You see?!

Rannuci *gets* it!

Welcome to the Favorites list, mang.
 
2013-01-26 09:43:10 PM  
TFA: "...celery contributes nothing [to soup]..."

That writer does not know how to cook.
 
2013-01-26 09:43:37 PM  
Celery ... barely qualifies as food, it's mostly water and fiber and not much in the way of nourishment.

Fark Classic : what does 200 calories look like

200 calories of celery => 1425 grams of celery => 3.14159 pounds

You need to eat 3 pounds of celery to get 200 calories of energy!
 
2013-01-26 09:43:48 PM  
Celery, carrots, and onions are the holy trinity. At least two of them will appear as the base for ANY Western soup.

The writer of that article clearly has absolutely no idea how to cook, nor how to use vegetables.
 
2013-01-26 09:44:39 PM  
Celery is one of the major ingredients in many amazing foods. An onion, bell pepper and celery base is part of just about everything I love.

You could not have crawfish etouffee without celery.

Writer fails.
 
2013-01-26 09:44:52 PM  
If your celery is tough and stringy, find another grocer.
 
2013-01-26 09:44:52 PM  

Thunderboy: t3knomanser: PacManDreaming: They taste good by themselves.

They don't taste like anything. A glass of tap water has more flavor than celery.

Celery is incredibly flavorful. I don't know what it is that you've been eating, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't celery.


Well, since they said that tap water has more flavor, they probably live somewhere with some horrid tap water.
 
2013-01-26 09:47:19 PM  
Being on a low carb/sugar diet, you don't know how many time celery with a little peanut butter has saved my ass from engulfing large quantities of cookies when I needed something sweet.
 
2013-01-26 09:47:28 PM  

jaytkay: TFA: "...celery contributes nothing [to soup]..."

That writer does not know how to cook.


I'm picturing him throwing a stalk of celery in a can Chef BoyArDee and staring at it, confused and angry.
 
2013-01-26 09:47:49 PM  

halB: Celery, carrots, and onions are the holy trinity. At least two of them will appear as the base for ANY Western soup.

The writer of that article clearly has absolutely no idea how to cook, nor how to use vegetables.


Mirepoix is the base for all kinds of awesome food.
 
2013-01-26 09:49:45 PM  

Fish in a Barrel: fusillade762: /also hate raw coconut, tapioca and rice pudding

The texture of rice pudding triggers every neuron in my brain to send out a distress signal. It is completely anathema.


Both of you are crazy. Tapioca is de-freakin-licious. Rice pudding is good, but I have to leave out the raisins. I grew up in Fresno, so I can't help but feel like raisins are a waste of a good grape.
 
2013-01-26 09:49:59 PM  

halB: Celery, carrots, and onions are the holy trinity. At least two of them will appear as the base for ANY Western soup.

The writer of that article clearly has absolutely no idea how to cook, nor how to use vegetables.


I'd add in garlic. I usually have all 4 on hand in my house at any time.
 
2013-01-26 09:50:47 PM  

Mr. Shabooboo: I don't like stringy celery . If something calls for celery, I'll put in celery seeds instead.That also spreads
out the flavoring from just one stringy green blob to the whole dish.


You know, something for me and you to try is actually using a peeler on the outside curve of the celery lightly before eating it raw. I saw Jacques Pepin do this once on a show. Maybe that would make it totally less stringy. He also peels the stalk of the broccoli stem, slices it into similar sized pieces and roasts it or cooks it right with the florets.
I tried it with the broccoli and the stems were totally fine to eat and cooked in the same time.
 
2013-01-26 09:51:20 PM  
I f*cking hate celery. I'm in complete agreement with the writer here.
 
2013-01-26 09:52:01 PM  

enry: halB: Celery, carrots, and onions are the holy trinity. At least two of them will appear as the base for ANY Western soup.

The writer of that article clearly has absolutely no idea how to cook, nor how to use vegetables.

I'd add in garlic. I usually have all 4 on hand in my house at any time.


That's actually the Italian version of Mirepoix if I remember my Alton Brown correctly.
 
2013-01-26 09:52:03 PM  

Babbs: Being on a low carb/sugar diet, you don't know how many time celery with a little peanut butter has saved my ass from engulfing large quantities of cookies when I needed something sweet.


I dust it with salt and pepper and then drizzle a balsamic reduction on it for an almost totally calorie free snack when I know I'm eating just to eat.

It's awesome for that.
 
2013-01-26 09:52:39 PM  
Celery is disgusting. I can taste a single molecule of its awfulness in a sea of any tasty dish.
 
2013-01-26 09:53:00 PM  

ski9600: You know, something for me and you to try is actually using a peeler on the outside curve of the celery lightly before eating it raw.


Another trick is to snap the celery near the base and carefully pull back so any strings come off the outside curve.
 
2013-01-26 09:53:33 PM  
I hate celery so bad that I even hate people who like it.
 
2013-01-26 09:53:56 PM  
Anyone that adds celery (and/or cilantro) to a dish that is presented to me can DIAF. Constantly overpowers the flavor, ruining any subtleties the dish may have had.

Post-hot wing debauchery is the only proper place for that crap.
 
2013-01-26 09:54:00 PM  
Celery is not the worst vegetable ever.

Broccoli, however, is the devil's food.
 
2013-01-26 09:54:36 PM  

lordargent: Celery ... barely qualifies as food, it's mostly water and fiber and not much in the way of nourishment.

Fark Classic : what does 200 calories look like

200 calories of celery => 1425 grams of celery => 3.14159 pounds

You need to eat 3 pounds of celery to get 200 calories of energy!


HOLY CRAP! 200 calories is exactly PI pounds of celery! We have a new basis for a mathematical constant! MIND = BLOWN.
 
2013-01-26 09:55:22 PM  
I like celery, there I said it. I like it raw, cooked, layered with cottage cheese and cracked pepper.
 
2013-01-26 09:55:36 PM  
Also, there's a Taiwanese place near here that makes a very celery-heavy Kung Pao shrimp, and holy god is it amazing.
 
2013-01-26 09:55:48 PM  

carmody: Celery is disgusting. I can taste a single molecule of its awfulness in a sea of any tasty dish.



At least it isn't tasteless, then?
 
2013-01-26 09:55:59 PM  
enjoy dealing with veggie libel laws, idiot
 
2013-01-26 09:56:17 PM  

Strobeguy: layered with cottage cheese


Gahhhh! Now there's a useless food.
 
2013-01-26 09:57:04 PM  

Genevieve Marie: Babbs: Being on a low carb/sugar diet, you don't know how many time celery with a little peanut butter has saved my ass from engulfing large quantities of cookies when I needed something sweet.

I dust it with salt and pepper and then drizzle a balsamic reduction on it for an almost totally calorie free snack when I know I'm eating just to eat.

It's awesome for that.


I'm going to have to try that!
 
2013-01-26 09:57:12 PM  

lordargent: Celery ... barely qualifies as food, it's mostly water and fiber and not much in the way of nourishment.

Fark Classic : what does 200 calories look like

200 calories of celery => 1425 grams of celery => 3.14159 pounds

You need to eat 3 pounds of celery to get 200 calories of energy!


Or, in other words, a Π of celery?
 
2013-01-26 09:57:19 PM  

Representative of the unwashed masses: It belongs slathered in this...



Oh yeah...


You get my cheese whiz boy?
 
2013-01-26 09:58:20 PM  
Zeppelininthesky: Mirepoix is the base for all kinds of awesome food.

My trinity is onions, garlic and peppers.

// not a celery fan, but I have about half a dozen onions in my fridge right now.
 
2013-01-26 09:58:32 PM  

Gyrfalcon: Celery is not the worst vegetable ever.

Brussels sprouts, however, is the devil's food.


FTFY

/taste like little balled up gym socks
 
2013-01-26 10:01:00 PM  
stiletto_the_wise: HOLY CRAP! 200 calories is exactly PI pounds of celery!

I noticed that as well.

// gis for celery pie
 
2013-01-26 10:01:09 PM  
Celery is awesome. It's essential in chicken salad. Also, if it starts to get soft and wilty, cut the ends and stick the stalks in a glass of water and put it in the fridge. It will crisp right back up in a few hours.
 
2013-01-26 10:01:22 PM  
i like celery well enough.

but, for some damned reason, i can't say 'celery' without sounding like i have a hairlip.
 
2013-01-26 10:01:54 PM  

HotWingAgenda: Gyrfalcon: Celery is not the worst vegetable ever.

Brussels sprouts, however, is the devil's food.

FTFY

/taste like little balled up gym socks


Try this:

Slice them in half, then very fine.
Heat up a pan, hot, put in some butter and oil.
Toss in the Brussels sprouts and flip or stir.
Add a splash of whitewine and a small grating of nutmeg.
Cook just until the sprouts are brilliant green.
Grate some parmesan on top.
 
2013-01-26 10:02:06 PM  

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Samuel L. Jackson would agree with you.


I laughed waaaaay too hard at that.
 
2013-01-26 10:03:44 PM  

Shostie: I miss celery. My wife hates it and green pepper, so like 2/3 of the cajun trinity are right out the f*cking window.


You know, the nice thing about celery is that it isn't actually a team sport. Go ahead and eat your celery.
 
2013-01-26 10:04:54 PM  
HotWingAgenda: Brussels sprouts, however, is the devil's food.

I'm ok with brussels sprouts, when roasted with mushrooms and bacon, with a bit of olive oil and sea salt.

BUT

When I was younger, I used to dislike a lot of veggies. Broccoli, sprouts, peas, etc.

When I got older, moved out, got my own kitchen and started cooking for myself, I realized that my dislike of a lot of veggies was a matter of preparation. IE, my mom/stepdad BOILED a lot of their veggies with little alteration.

With a steamer pot and a cast iron roasting pan and a cabinet full of spices, I've turned all of those disliked/hated veggies into dishes that ranged from tolerable to damned tasty.

EXCEPT FOR BEETS!!!

I can't do a damned thing with beets, every preparation, every spicing, and they still come out nasty.
 
2013-01-26 10:05:43 PM  

HotWingAgenda: /taste like little balled up gym socks


Only if you try to steam it in an aluminium pot. My friend discovered that nuking them (although I don't know how long) makes them come out perfectly.
 
2013-01-26 10:05:49 PM  
Celery salt is a critical ingredient in some things.

www.thepauperedchef.com
 
2013-01-26 10:07:27 PM  

KidneyStone: Celery salt is a critical ingredient in some things.


3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-01-26 10:08:35 PM  

Zugswang: Sounds like this article was written by someone who doesn't do a lot of cooking. If your celery is brown and mushy, it means you cooked it to death, and you chop the celery for most soups (apparently, this person has also never heard of mirepoix).

Also, protip, If you're cooking celery (or any green leafy veggie), and want to keep it from becoming drab, just toss in a little baking soda, and they will be flavorful and beautifully colored. For anything like carrots, or red cabbage (basically, anything that isn't pigmented by chlorophyll) add a little vinegar for the same effect.

Bam. Cooked veggies as delicious as they are visually appealing.


Ummm, mirepoix.  The Holy Trinity of French cooking.
I make use of dehydrated celery in soups and stews.  Seems to concentrate the flavor...and dehydrated celery doesn't get mushy, no matter how long you cook it...has more of a chewy texture.
 
2013-01-26 10:09:22 PM  
In all seriousness, I'm gonna chime in with all the pro-celery folks.

I can't imagine NOT using celery in my cooking.

MooseUpNorth: I laughed waaaaay too hard at that.


Heh, I only wish that I came up with that. Glad ya dug it!
 
2013-01-26 10:09:43 PM  
Glad I'm not the only one who doesn't like celery. Not as much as this guy despises it, but still.
 
2013-01-26 10:10:18 PM  

whatshisname: ski9600: You know, something for me and you to try is actually using a peeler on the outside curve of the celery lightly before eating it raw.

Another trick is to snap the celery near the base and carefully pull back so any strings come off the outside curve.


I do both of those things, especially with dark green celery stalks.
 
2013-01-26 10:12:25 PM  
I made some epic jambalaya today, so I'm really getting a kick...
 
2013-01-26 10:12:35 PM  
Some farkers farking love celery some farkers hate it with a passion. Everybody doesn't perceive flavor and aroma the same way and hence like the same things in their farking mouth. Calling something disgusting because you don't have a taste for it is a little over the top. I happen to like celery, and I have had intensely flavorful batches and somewhat bland batches so obviously YMMV. Generalizing and calling it all tough, flavorless and useless reveals that a person either has not tried a tender flavorful specimen or perhaps that they lack the facilities to perceive the flavor/aroma compounds present in celery, some individuals may be more sensitive to them and/or perceive them as unpleasant.

To me it has an aromatic herbal fragrant character, and a slightly salty flavor, which combine in distinctive ways with some hints of parsley, mint, and even sometimes hints of buttery coconut-like nuances. Cooking it a bit subdues the stronger flavors for me. I like it raw with nut or seed butters, homemade cheese spreads, hummus and in salads. Tuna salad is just incomplete without it, but it needs a good fine chop. Its indispensable for stocks and soups made in my kitchen imparting the basic fresh vegetable and herb aroma and flavor. It is low in calories, glycemic load, but high in fiber and can have pretty good potassium, folate and vitamin K numbers so saying that it contributes nothing is disingenuous.
 
2013-01-26 10:12:36 PM  

lordargent: I can't do a damned thing with beets, every preparation, every spicing, and they still come out nasty.


I like them roasted (peel on, coated with olive oil), then peel and chop. Maybe with some balsamic vinegar.

If roasting doesn't cut it, I can't help ya.
 
2013-01-26 10:13:04 PM  

MooseUpNorth: Shostie: I miss celery. My wife hates it and green pepper, so like 2/3 of the cajun trinity are right out the f*cking window.

You know, the nice thing about celery is that it isn't actually a team sport. Go ahead and eat your celery.


this.
 
2013-01-26 10:13:12 PM  

KidneyStone: Celery salt is a critical ingredient in some things.

[www.thepauperedchef.com image 850x566]


That relish looks freakin nasty.  Relish should not be the same color as lime Jello
 
2013-01-26 10:14:24 PM  

lordargent: I realized that my dislike of a lot of veggies was a matter of preparation. IE, my mom/stepdad BOILED a lot of their veggies with little alteration.
...
I can't do a damned thing with beets, every preparation, every spicing, and they still come out nasty.


Jeez, this. Mom could cook food flawlessly using Arabian or Asian methods, but her Midwestern roots came to the fore whenever she made simple veggie sides. Ugh.

Those same Midwestern roots provide the only way I can appreciate beets: pickled. Give it a try sometime.
 
2013-01-26 10:14:51 PM  

KidneyStone: Celery salt is a critical ingredient in some things.


Oh, my.

/ I'm a few blocks from the Vienna Beef factory, so I'm getting a kick...
 
2013-01-26 10:17:37 PM  

Gyrfalcon: Celery is not the worst vegetable ever.

Broccoli, however, is the devil's food.


Don't cook it so much.  Broccoli doesn't need a ton of cooking, pot, salted water, and broc, get it up to a boil, turn the heat off. When the water settles down drain the Broc, toss some butter in the pot put the broc back in maybe some Parmesan, shake or stir to coat, maybe a sprinkle of salt and enjoy. Should not be mushy, it gets bitter when over cooked.
 
2013-01-26 10:17:57 PM  

KidneyStone: Celery salt is a critical ingredient in some things.

[www.thepauperedchef.com image 850x566]


Where's the ketchup?
 
2013-01-26 10:19:03 PM  

Shostie: I miss celery. My wife hates it and green pepper, so like 2/3 of the cajun trinity are right out the f*cking window.


That sounds like grounds for divorce.
 
2013-01-26 10:19:10 PM  
The good folks at Gawker should be strung by the testicles / tits by rope made from celery fiber and kicked in the head with the hopes that it will make them writers that are worth reading.
 
2013-01-26 10:19:45 PM  
I pretty much only like celery as a vehicle for some better tasting spreadable (peanut butter, ranch dip, etc) or if it's been boiled down to something soft and transparent in soup. I admit I do tend to hate finding crunchy celery pieces in food... I can think of a type of chicken salad that gets away with it, but that's all.

I remember being made to read a story in about 5th or 6th grade called The All-American Slurp that was about a Chinese family moving to the US. There was a scene where they were served dip and celery sticks, and they quickly noticed the problem with the little threads getting stuck in their teeth; so they all started pulling the threads out of the celery sticks before eating them. Apparently their hosts thought this was weird.
 
2013-01-26 10:21:36 PM  
My only allergy is raw celery. I can eat it cooked, but snap a piece of raw celery near me and my throat closes up. I've never heard of this in anyone else, and so it's probably in my crazy head.
 
2013-01-26 10:22:06 PM  
Celery is my favorite complimentary vegetable. It's good in almost anything with other vegetables and adds great flavor.
 
2013-01-26 10:25:23 PM  
The important thing about celery is to cut across the fibers. It's a general rule for things with fibers going in one direction, as the same applies to steak cuts and fajitas. If you cut the fajita meat vertically it's more tender than on the bias.

And you must learn to COOK the celery. It's a handy low carb substance that can be a handy foodstuff.

In stick form it's a vehicle for fatty dips, it doesn't jive with salsa.
 
2013-01-26 10:27:15 PM  
I've occasionally made various bean dishes in a pressure cooker and added coarsely-chopped celery before sealing it up. The celery completely breaks down in the cooking process (no stringiness!), but since the cooker is sealed the celery doesn't oxidize and it retains its fresh flavor as it melts into the rest of the dish.
 
2013-01-26 10:29:09 PM  
Despite having some spots that needed an editor's touch, the article, I thought, was funny -- and I don't even agree with most of what the author says about celery.
 
2013-01-26 10:30:16 PM  
Celery raped my dog. And it didn't stop there.
 
2013-01-26 10:34:18 PM  
www.quick-and-easy-dinner.com

They're like little saturated fat rolls of heaven.
 
2013-01-26 10:34:54 PM  

carnifex2005: [i.imgur.com image 513x578]


I see the problem. That is *not* how you are supposed to consume celery... unless your name is Quagmire.
 
2013-01-26 10:37:31 PM  
I'm sorry but some stalks of celery sauteed in a half pound of butter with onions is the basis for many tasty soups.
 
2013-01-26 10:49:05 PM  

LemSkroob: Doesn't celery (and iceberg lettuce) have very low nutritional value? Basically just water and indigestible plant matter, no?


Celery has more vitamins than iceberg lettuce. Meaning celery has some vitamins.

Also flavor.
 
2013-01-26 10:49:06 PM  

lordargent: HotWingAgenda: Brussels sprouts, however, is the devil's food.

I'm ok with brussels sprouts, when roasted with mushrooms and bacon, with a bit of olive oil and sea salt.

BUT

When I was younger, I used to dislike a lot of veggies. Broccoli, sprouts, peas, etc.

When I got older, moved out, got my own kitchen and started cooking for myself, I realized that my dislike of a lot of veggies was a matter of preparation. IE, my mom/stepdad BOILED a lot of their veggies with little alteration.

With a steamer pot and a cast iron roasting pan and a cabinet full of spices, I've turned all of those disliked/hated veggies into dishes that ranged from tolerable to damned tasty.

EXCEPT FOR BEETS!!!

I can't do a damned thing with beets, every preparation, every spicing, and they still come out nasty.


Remember beets have *a lot* of sugar, use it small diced as the sweet component like a raisin in a stir fry and you might like it better. Never canned.
/also didn't like it until recently- balsamic was my gateway to liking it.
 
2013-01-26 10:49:10 PM  

St_Francis_P: I'm hardly a fan of celery, but that article was a bit over the top. As kasy said in the comments,

All this article does is make me think that all Mallory eats is like, chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs and minute rice


I just ate a chicken nuggets shaped like a dinosaur, and I think celery is pretty good.
 
2013-01-26 10:51:08 PM  

KidneyStone: Celery salt is a critical ingredient in some things.

[www.thepauperedchef.com image 850x566]


Love me some Chicago Dogs
 
2013-01-26 10:51:17 PM  
Eating celery usually results in me getting a raging boner. It has been known to have these sorts of properties apparently.
 
2013-01-26 10:52:52 PM  
God I hate celery. People shove it in everything to add more cheap bulk too - from chicken salad to stuffing/dressing. And for those saying it has no taste, you must have no taste buds. Vile tasting weed.
 
2013-01-26 10:53:39 PM  

LionHound: Some farkers farking love celery some farkers hate it with a passion. Everybody doesn't perceive flavor and aroma the same way and hence like the same things in their farking mouth. Calling something disgusting because you don't have a taste for it is a little over the top. I happen to like celery, and I have had intensely flavorful batches and somewhat bland batches so obviously YMMV. Generalizing and calling it all tough, flavorless and useless reveals that a person either has not tried a tender flavorful specimen or perhaps that they lack the facilities to perceive the flavor/aroma compounds present in celery, some individuals may be more sensitive to them and/or perceive them as unpleasant.

To me it has an aromatic herbal fragrant character, and a slightly salty flavor, which combine in distinctive ways with some hints of parsley, mint, and even sometimes hints of buttery coconut-like nuances. Cooking it a bit subdues the stronger flavors for me. I like it raw with nut or seed butters, homemade cheese spreads, hummus and in salads. Tuna salad is just incomplete without it, but it needs a good fine chop. Its indispensable for stocks and soups made in my kitchen imparting the basic fresh vegetable and herb aroma and flavor. It is low in calories, glycemic load, but high in fiber and can have pretty good potassium, folate and vitamin K numbers so saying that it contributes nothing is disingenuous.


Good point. I bet you most people who say they hate celery find cilantro "soapy" to the taste. I've only had that happen once when I had over acidified the guacamole, so it may simply be a tastebud sensitivity thing.
 
2013-01-26 10:53:51 PM  
I would not have expected a celery thread to garner so much attention.
 
2013-01-26 10:55:03 PM  
chzhistoriclols.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-01-26 10:55:24 PM  

PC LOAD LETTER: Eating celery usually results in me getting a raging boner. It has been known to have these sorts of properties apparently.


Raging Celery Boner would be a great band name.
 
2013-01-26 10:59:54 PM  
CSB - Kinda.

When I was a kid, C&H used to play these commercials with kids in Hawaii eating straight up sugar cane. Living in the midwest, sugar cane was not plentiful to my 4 year old self. So - since Sugar Cane became something my toddler self apparently became obsessed with, according to my mother, she said I made my own sugar cane with celery dipped in sugar. Don't remember if it was gross or awesome. Since I don't still eat it, I'm going with gross.

/Celery filled with cream cheese, however, is the bomb diggity!
 
2013-01-26 11:00:34 PM  

wildcardjack: The important thing about celery is to cut across the fibers. It's a general rule for things with fibers going in one direction, as the same applies to steak cuts and fajitas. If you cut the fajita meat vertically it's more tender than on the bias.
.


Really? I thought I had to slice fajita (skirt or in my case flank steak) on the bias and against the grain.
/claude's fajita marinade is awesome  Link
 
2013-01-26 11:01:26 PM  
You poor fools just don't know how to celery. Treat it like a seasoning. So here's how you do:

Get a big ol' crockpot. Throw a carton of beef broth in there. Add roast. Cook slow for a quarter day. Add quartered red potatoes, one sliced onion, slow cook for one more quarter day. Add baby carrots, and chopped up celery. Cook for one more half hour.

Serves whoever fights for it best. Eat until gone.
 
2013-01-26 11:02:48 PM  
The Wonder Pets would like a word with you...
 
2013-01-26 11:03:59 PM  
Having read a great many lively threads on Fark over many years, I do not yet think I have encountered a celery thread on the main page. Awesome.

I thought the article was more amusing than the average Cracked list and I like celery very much, thank you. With peanut butter on the big outside stalks.

PacManDreaming: Unless it's the light green inner stalks. They taste good by themselves.


Best. Plant stuff. Ever.
 
2013-01-26 11:04:40 PM  

stanadamsii: lordargent: HotWingAgenda: Brussels sprouts, however, is the devil's food.

I'm ok with brussels sprouts, when roasted with mushrooms and bacon, with a bit of olive oil and sea salt.

BUT

When I was younger, I used to dislike a lot of veggies. Broccoli, sprouts, peas, etc.

When I got older, moved out, got my own kitchen and started cooking for myself, I realized that my dislike of a lot of veggies was a matter of preparation. IE, my mom/stepdad BOILED a lot of their veggies with little alteration.

With a steamer pot and a cast iron roasting pan and a cabinet full of spices, I've turned all of those disliked/hated veggies into dishes that ranged from tolerable to damned tasty.

EXCEPT FOR BEETS!!!

I can't do a damned thing with beets, every preparation, every spicing, and they still come out nasty.

Remember beets have *a lot* of sugar, use it small diced as the sweet component like a raisin in a stir fry and you might like it better. Never canned.
/also didn't like it until recently- balsamic was my gateway to liking it.


Beets are best roasted... clean, wrap in tin foil and throw into a 350ish oven for an hour or so.  when they give a little when you poke them, pull them out, let them cool a bit, peel them and cut up as you like, toss with butter and a pinch of salt. Just don't be too alarmed the next day or two in the bathroom.  I have an awesome Indian dish with beets, tomato, cumin and onions as well.
 
2013-01-26 11:06:03 PM  

born_yesterday: I would not have expected a celery thread to garner so much attention.


Celerybrate good times, c'mon on!
 
2013-01-26 11:07:16 PM  

rev. dave: The best use for celery is hot wings, followed by pea soup and lastly bloody Mary. No other uses exist.


blog.heartland.org

You forgot one.
 
2013-01-26 11:07:50 PM  

Louisiana_Sitar_Club: KidneyStone: Celery salt is a critical ingredient in some things.

[www.thepauperedchef.com image 850x566]

Where's the ketchup?


PURGE THE HERETIC!
 
2013-01-26 11:08:08 PM  

A Shambling Mound: Having read a great many lively threads on Fark over many years, I do not yet think I have encountered a celery thread on the main page. Awesome.

I thought the article was more amusing than the average Cracked list and I like celery very much, thank you. With peanut butter on the big outside stalks.

PacManDreaming: Unless it's the light green inner stalks. They taste good by themselves.

Best. Plant stuff. Ever.


Ahem

cdn.theweedblog.com
/hot like celery on the stovetop
 
2013-01-26 11:09:15 PM  

Thunderboy: t3knomanser: PacManDreaming: They taste good by themselves.

They don't taste like anything. A glass of tap water has more flavor than celery.

Celery is incredibly flavorful. I don't know what it is that you've been eating, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't celery.


I overheard some chicks having the same conversation about semen.
 
2013-01-26 11:09:28 PM  

carmody: Celery is disgusting. I can taste a single molecule of its awfulness in a sea of any tasty dish.


I used to know a guy who was allergic to celery. He couldn't eat almost any soup not made at home, nor the many fried foods treated with seasoned salt. So I kinda doubt you really are tasting this vile disgusting thing quite as reliably as you think.
 
2013-01-26 11:09:46 PM  

Fish in a Barrel: fusillade762: /also hate raw coconut, tapioca and rice pudding

The texture of rice pudding triggers every neuron in my brain to send out a distress signal. It is completely anathema.


There is such a thing as tasty rice pudding. Sadly, however, only about 5 percent of rice pudding falls into this category. Rice pudding is one of those things that can be great if done well, but rarely is.
 
2013-01-26 11:10:02 PM  

thisisyourbrainonFark: A Shambling Mound: Having read a great many lively threads on Fark over many years, I do not yet think I have encountered a celery thread on the main page. Awesome.

I thought the article was more amusing than the average Cracked list and I like celery very much, thank you. With peanut butter on the big outside stalks.

PacManDreaming: Unless it's the light green inner stalks. They taste good by themselves.

Best. Plant stuff. Ever.

Ahem

[cdn.theweedblog.com image 360x540]
/hot like celery on the stovetop


Good God, it doesn't even look like it's from this planet.
 
2013-01-26 11:10:35 PM  

star_topology: cirby: Celery makes a great edible spoon for pimiento cheese.

And similarly, guacamole!


And cream cheese
 
2013-01-26 11:11:41 PM  
That said, you know who else liked celery?

lileks.com

Art Frahm, that's who!

/Thanks James
 
2013-01-26 11:11:46 PM  

toraque: jaytkay: TFA: "...celery contributes nothing [to soup]..."

That writer does not know how to cook.

I'm picturing him throwing a stalk of celery in a can Chef BoyArDee and staring at it, confused and angry.


Well, to be fair, with or without celery, a can of Chef BoyArDee could make just about anybody confused and angry.
 
2013-01-26 11:12:28 PM  
The shiate that gets greenlit
 
2013-01-26 11:12:43 PM  
You guys are pretty hard on the author. I enjoy celery as much as the next guy (not much, but it's OK in soups and casseroles, and a few sticks as a snack maybe), but cmon, the article was funny.
 
2013-01-26 11:14:44 PM  
Celery is good in stocks, dipped in ranch and umm....that's about it.
I'll take raw celery before raw cucumber any day though.
 
2013-01-26 11:15:19 PM  

KidneyStone: Celery salt is a critical ingredient in some things.

[www.thepauperedchef.com image 850x566]


Now you just need to throw some avocado on top and Chileans will line up to eat that.

There's just something about Chileans and weird crap on hot dogs. Don't ask me to explain.
 
2013-01-26 11:15:51 PM  

lordargent: HotWingAgenda: Brussels sprouts, however, is the devil's food.

I'm ok with brussels sprouts, when roasted with mushrooms and bacon, with a bit of olive oil and sea salt.

BUT

When I was younger, I used to dislike a lot of veggies. Broccoli, sprouts, peas, etc.

When I got older, moved out, got my own kitchen and started cooking for myself, I realized that my dislike of a lot of veggies was a matter of preparation. IE, my mom/stepdad BOILED a lot of their veggies with little alteration.

With a steamer pot and a cast iron roasting pan and a cabinet full of spices, I've turned all of those disliked/hated veggies into dishes that ranged from tolerable to damned tasty.

EXCEPT FOR BEETS!!!

I can't do a damned thing with beets, every preparation, every spicing, and they still come out nasty.


Is it the earthy taste? Because lemon breaks the compound that causes that down.

I love this puréed beet soup: mushrooms, bell pepper, an apple, an onion and a bunch of beets go into a pot with butter and a little broth. Steam them like that 20 min, then cover with broth, cook a little more. Purée, adding the juice of one lemon. Tastes like a cream soup, very rich, and good with a thick crunchy bread.
 
2013-01-26 11:16:17 PM  

FueledByEthanol: That said, you know who else liked celery?

[lileks.com image 800x968]

Art Frahm, that's who!

/Thanks James


Looks like she's ...

(puts on sunglasses)

... being stalked.
 
2013-01-26 11:17:39 PM  

HotWingAgenda: Gyrfalcon: Celery is not the worst vegetable ever.

Brussels sprouts, however, is the devil's food.

FTFY

/taste like little balled up gym socks


If you cook them wrong, yes. Do it right (and with good sprouts) and they're fantastic. ...I just don't think they tolerate overcooking very well.

stanadamsii: Good point. I bet you most people who say they hate celery find cilantro "soapy" to the taste. I've only had that happen once when I had over acidified the guacamole, so it may simply be a tastebud sensitivity thing.


I like cilantro just fine, but hate celery. And bananas. Just a bit of either celery or banana in something (without lots of cooking/baking) completely (and unpleasantly) overpowers the taste of all other ingredients.
 
2013-01-26 11:18:17 PM  
Cheez wizz and celery..maybe once a year
 
2013-01-26 11:20:41 PM  

sno man: stanadamsii: lordargent: HotWingAgenda: Brussels sprouts, however, is the devil's food.

I'm ok with brussels sprouts, when roasted with mushrooms and bacon, with a bit of olive oil and sea salt.

BUT

When I was younger, I used to dislike a lot of veggies. Broccoli, sprouts, peas, etc.

When I got older, moved out, got my own kitchen and started cooking for myself, I realized that my dislike of a lot of veggies was a matter of preparation. IE, my mom/stepdad BOILED a lot of their veggies with little alteration.

With a steamer pot and a cast iron roasting pan and a cabinet full of spices, I've turned all of those disliked/hated veggies into dishes that ranged from tolerable to damned tasty.

EXCEPT FOR BEETS!!!

I can't do a damned thing with beets, every preparation, every spicing, and they still come out nasty.

Remember beets have *a lot* of sugar, use it small diced as the sweet component like a raisin in a stir fry and you might like it better. Never canned.
/also didn't like it until recently- balsamic was my gateway to liking it.

Beets are best roasted... clean, wrap in tin foil and throw into a 350ish oven for an hour or so.  when they give a little when you poke them, pull them out, let them cool a bit, peel them and cut up as you like, toss with butter and a pinch of salt. Just don't be too alarmed the next day or two in the bathroom.  I have an awesome Indian dish with beets, tomato, cumin and onions as well.


What the hell is wrong with you people? You've never ever heard of borscht?
 
2013-01-26 11:21:27 PM  
stanadamsii:

Good point. I bet you most people who say they hate celery find cilantro "soapy" to the taste. I've only had that happen once when I had over acidified the guacamole, so it may simply be a tastebud sensitivity thing.

I have thought the same thing. My wife tastes "perfume" in some beers with hoppy character. At first I was kind of iffy on lavender in foods, but when it's not overdone I quite enjoy it. Incidentally, we have a running joke in the house. I make simple guacamole pretty frequently, which consists of avocados, onions, salt and fresh-squeezed lime juice, adjusted as it is being made to the perfect balance. I was showing Mrs Lionhound how I make my guac one night and I was explaining how there were subtle variations in the ingredients among my Mexican friends from the same family and Avacado region. A few of them like cilantro in the guac, and a few of them thought it was crazy. I love cilantro but I like the pure and simple taste of guacamole without it just as well if not better than with. So I told my Mrs. L. that I only put cilantro in the guac if I am feeling "frisky" that night. Needless to say, since that night, I can't help but throw some in now and again.
 
2013-01-26 11:23:43 PM  

ski9600: wildcardjack: The important thing about celery is to cut across the fibers. It's a general rule for things with fibers going in one direction, as the same applies to steak cuts and fajitas. If you cut the fajita meat vertically it's more tender than on the bias.
.

Really? I thought I had to slice fajita (skirt or in my case flank steak) on the bias and against the grain.
/claude's fajita marinade is awesome  Link


I think he just mixed up what on the bias means.
 
2013-01-26 11:24:34 PM  
All the celery haters line up to the left and all the fatties line up to . . . oh . . . everyone's in place? I guess we're done here.
 
2013-01-26 11:24:50 PM  

lordargent: Celery ... barely qualifies as food, it's mostly water and fiber and not much in the way of nourishment.

Fark Classic : what does 200 calories look like

200 calories of celery => 1425 grams of celery => 3.14159 pounds

You need to eat 3 pounds of celery to get 200 calories of energy!


it's actually negative food. you're going to burn more than 200 calories eating and digesting 3 pounds of celery.
if in a survival situation where all you had to eat was celery, you'd live LONGER by not eating it.
 
2013-01-26 11:28:00 PM  

HotWingAgenda: Gyrfalcon: Celery is not the worst vegetable ever.

Brussels sprouts, however, is the devil's food.

FTFY

/taste like little balled up gym socks


Can't argue.
 
2013-01-26 11:30:13 PM  
I thought the biggest lie was "I'll pull out"... Oh, wait, celery, sorry, move on. Nothing to see here
 
2013-01-26 11:33:49 PM  
All that article did was make me want celery.  I love celery.  It's a must in Cornbread dressing, chopped salad, with blue cheese dressing and wings, in pot roast, and most soups I make.  It's cousin, the leek, makes the best soup out there.  It adds a flavor that cannot be replicated.

That said, my father hated celery so much that he couldn't even be around when someone was cutting it.  The smell nauseated him.  At thanksgiving, we made two pans of dressing...a big one with celery in it for everyone else, and a small one for my dad without celery.
 
2013-01-26 11:34:40 PM  
i14.photobucket.com

Yes, indeed. You hear the most outrageous lies about it. Half-baked goggle-box do-gooders telling everybody it's bad for you. Pernicious nonsense. Everybody could stand a hundred vegetable platters a year. They ought to have them, too.
 
2013-01-26 11:39:03 PM  
Hating celery is like hating water.
 
2013-01-26 11:39:14 PM  

Thisbymaster: Celery and carrots make a nice base for a soap, that is the only way I use it.


"It's not gonna be a boring soup. That's just the base. You put the chicken in. You've gotta add other flavors. Carrots and celery are just a base of a soup!"
 
2013-01-26 11:44:52 PM  

fusillade762: I'm glad to find I'm not the only one who hates celery. Raw, anyway, I don't mind it cooked.

/also hate raw coconut, tapioca and rice pudding


I agree with every point. I hated ants on a log when I was young. I give it to my kids a few times a year, just to shake things up, but they renamed it to 'dinosaur food.' I can get a few of them to eat the whole thing.
 
2013-01-26 11:49:07 PM  

whatshisname: HotWingAgenda: Gyrfalcon: Celery is not the worst vegetable ever.

Brussels sprouts, however, is the devil's food.

FTFY

/taste like little balled up gym socks

Try this:

Slice them in half, then very fine.
Heat up a pan, hot, put in some butter and oil.
Toss in the Brussels sprouts and flip or stir.
Add a splash of whitewine and a small grating of nutmeg.
Cook just until the sprouts are brilliant green.
Grate some parmesan on top.


For some reason, I thought that was going to be a limirick (sp.)
 
2013-01-26 11:54:05 PM  
images.wikia.com

/Hot
//Bleek
 
2013-01-26 11:57:03 PM  

PapaChester: Hating celery is like hating water.


Water is required to live.  Celery ... not so much.
 
2013-01-26 11:59:41 PM  

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA.

[img37.imageshack.us image 400x400]

You'd best smile when you talk about Dr. Brown's Cel-Ray celery flavored soda.


GREAT SCOTT! That looks gross.
 
2013-01-27 12:00:48 AM  
It's weird - a year or so ago I somehow developed an aversion to celery. Used to eat it with peanut butter, in salads, etc. Didn't like it or dislike it.

Now, it makes me gag. I had some shrimp in Old Bay and was nauseated. Checked the box, Old Bay is mostly celery salt. I was practically raised on crabs in Old Bay, now all of a sudden it makes me want to puke.
 
2013-01-27 12:04:05 AM  

GRCooper: It's weird - a year or so ago I somehow developed an aversion to celery. Used to eat it with peanut butter, in salads, etc. Didn't like it or dislike it.

Now, it makes me gag. I had some shrimp in Old Bay and was nauseated. Checked the box, Old Bay is mostly celery salt. I was practically raised on crabs in Old Bay, now all of a sudden it makes me want to puke.


That was poorly written - I should point out I noticed my new problem wirh celery before I noticed it in the Old Bay, it wasn't just that spice.
 
2013-01-27 12:06:04 AM  

SN1987a goes boom: GREAT SCOTT! That looks gross.


Deceptively so.

I know, I know, I was a skeptic at the start, too.

If you give it a try, though, you'd be pleasantly surprised! It's... EFFERVESCENT.
 
2013-01-27 12:08:03 AM  

GRCooper: It's weird - a year or so ago I somehow developed an aversion to celery. Used to eat it with peanut butter, in salads, etc. Didn't like it or dislike it.

Now, it makes me gag. I had some shrimp in Old Bay and was nauseated. Checked the box, Old Bay is mostly celery salt. I was practically raised on crabs in Old Bay, now all of a sudden it makes me want to puke.


Maybe you're pregnant.
 
2013-01-27 12:09:03 AM  
I use nearly every vegetable known to man in my cooking and celery is a necessary and much needed component in many dishes. You can't even make the majority western soups without it.
Note on beets: Braised beef borscht. Get untrimmed cuts and use the extra bit to make stock that you will then cook the (red not overly sweet) grated beets, leeks and soup potatoes (I use reds) in.
Cook until soft
Add seasoning: this part is up to you (salt, celery salt and freshly ground pepper as well as bays leaves should already be in there from the stock)
stick (or counter-top) blender
Braise beef cuts to medium rare
Add to soup
Cook on low heat for a long time

Also, iceberg lettuce isn't a vegetable. I don't what the hell it is, but it isn't a vegetable.
 
2013-01-27 12:12:56 AM  
I use celery to warn me of gases that I'm sometimes allergic too.  No other vegetable can do that.
 
2013-01-27 12:15:18 AM  

cirby: Celery makes a great edible spoon for pimiento cheese.


I'll have to try that.  I'm a great fan of both, but don't think I've had them together that way.  Also need to find that soda, I imagine it's somewhat like Sprite or 7-up but with a better flavor? Both of those just take like barely flavored carbonated water to me.

Used to take celery and eat it with marshmallow fluff when I was a kid.  Also use peanut butter sometimes.  Mostly just cut it into 3"-4" pieces and slather cream cheese on it.  It also adds a nice crunch to salads of all types.  The first thing I do when I get a bunch is take the outer stalks off to get to the tiny inside stalks that are light green to yellow in color.  Very sweet and tasty that part and always is the best.

Now I'm hungry...
 
2013-01-27 12:19:00 AM  

FueledByEthanol: That said, you know who else liked celery?

[lileks.com image 800x968]

Art Frahm, that's who!

/Thanks James


You are now on my favorite's list. I love Art Frahm's work.  And am in the process of designing a tattoo of one of his paintings as my next piece.  I'm thinking the 'bus driver' one.
 
2013-01-27 12:19:14 AM  
Had no idea people disliked celery so much, I think it adds something good practically every savory dish. A ton of it raw in tuna salad with ricotta instead of mayonnaise is one of my favorite things.
 
2013-01-27 12:21:43 AM  
stanadamsii: Remember beets have *a lot* of sugar, use it small diced as the sweet component like a raisin in a stir fry

Raisins in stir fry? What's wrong with you :P

sno man: Beets are best roasted.

Skirl Hutsenreiter: Is it the earthy taste? Because lemon breaks the compound that causes that down.

ciberido: What the hell is wrong with you people? You've never ever heard of borscht?

Roasted, in a soup (including borscht), in a cocktail, as an ice cream, etc, tried it all at various restaurants prepared in many different ways. The people that liked beets to begin with thought all of the beet dishes were great. OTOH, couldn't stand any of the dishes.

As far as I'm concerned, it's a disgusting vegetable that should be considered unfit for human consumption.
 
2013-01-27 12:25:29 AM  

rev. dave: The best use for celery is hot wings, followed by pea soup and lastly bloody Mary. No other uses exist.


Uhhmm you forgot tuna salad which is damn near unedible w/o celery.
 
2013-01-27 12:25:42 AM  
One thing about celery is that you can't use whole head(?) for the same purposes.
Remove the outer (fiberous and flavorless) and core (bitter) stalks. Keep those for stocks.
The rest is fair game for everything else.
 
2013-01-27 12:31:50 AM  
Celery is best in chicken soup.

I combine chicken, broccoli, cauliflower, carrots and celery into the bestest chicken soup you will ever have.

/loves me the chicken soup
 
2013-01-27 12:32:10 AM  

sno man: stanadamsii: lordargent: HotWingAgenda: Brussels sprouts, however, is the devil's food.

I'm ok with brussels sprouts, when roasted with mushrooms and bacon, with a bit of olive oil and sea salt.

BUT

When I was younger, I used to dislike a lot of veggies. Broccoli, sprouts, peas, etc.

When I got older, moved out, got my own kitchen and started cooking for myself, I realized that my dislike of a lot of veggies was a matter of preparation. IE, my mom/stepdad BOILED a lot of their veggies with little alteration.

With a steamer pot and a cast iron roasting pan and a cabinet full of spices, I've turned all of those disliked/hated veggies into dishes that ranged from tolerable to damned tasty.

EXCEPT FOR BEETS!!!

I can't do a damned thing with beets, every preparation, every spicing, and they still come out nasty.

Remember beets have *a lot* of sugar, use it small diced as the sweet component like a raisin in a stir fry and you might like it better. Never canned.
/also didn't like it until recently- balsamic was my gateway to liking it.

Beets are best roasted... clean, wrap in tin foil and throw into a 350ish oven for an hour or so.  when they give a little when you poke them, pull them out, let them cool a bit, peel them and cut up as you like, toss with butter and a pinch of salt. Just don't be too alarmed the next day or two in the bathroom.  I have an awesome Indian dish with beets, tomato, cumin and onions as well.


I've been trying to find a quick and dirty way to make beets and this sounds pretty tasty.  Thanks for the tip.
 
2013-01-27 12:35:11 AM  

tonguedepressor: rev. dave: The best use for celery is hot wings, followed by pea soup and lastly bloody Mary. No other uses exist.

Uhhmm you forgot tuna salad which is damn near unedible w/o celery.


you mean like a tuna sandwich, right? I'll agree there. Try with apples sometimes too.
 
2013-01-27 12:41:39 AM  

born_yesterday: I would not have expected a celery thread to garner so much attention.


WTF this is gonna go over 200 comments.
 
2013-01-27 12:42:52 AM  

megarian: The Wonder Pets would like a word with you...


This is sewios. I love celery, especially the tender, light green, centre stalks.
 
2013-01-27 12:45:18 AM  
Celery is the vodka of vegetables.

Or, if you find white paint to be overly stimulating, you'll probably like celery.
 
2013-01-27 12:46:10 AM  
And a truth about celery: it is the most common cause of phytophotodermatitis, due to its high levels of naturally occurring furocoumarins.
 
2013-01-27 12:47:27 AM  

TheGreenMonkey: I've been trying to find a quick and dirty way to make beets and this sounds pretty tasty.  Thanks for the tip.


Cut the top and root off at the cleaning stage.  And while no brainer easy, it's still an hour or so...quick wise. But your welcome.
 
2013-01-27 12:48:06 AM  
Oh yeah, does anyone else get a numb mouth from celery?
 
2013-01-27 12:52:11 AM  
Comments like these have convinced me that our american palate us seriously messed up. Celery does have a taste. Yes, it's obviously not strong, but it does have a very subtle hint of saltiness and sweetness to it, particularly the inner parts down by the stalk. Add that to the grassy fresh taste, and it's just the most damn refreshing thing you can dip anything into.

I think our taste buds are so messed up from scarfing down ultra cool ranch doritos and hot wings soaked in butter, salt, sugar and what passes for hot sauce, that we are unable to recognize subtle flavors.

I once broke out some olive oils for some friends who wondered why I had more than three types in my house. One was your basic supermarket stuff for everyday choking. The other one had a super strong grass and green apple scent with a hugely peppery finish that I like for salad dressings, and the last one was a french bottle that was very smooth and tasted almost like clarified butter that I like for dipping. I put them out in little containers to see if they could taste the difference and only one of five people could.

Makes me wonder if that's why the biggest market for "fancy" olive oils is not the pure stuff with great flavors, but rather regular oil infused with stupid combinations. Orange peel flavor in my olive oil? Why not use an orange and a zester and some good oil instead if regular oil with some lab-created aromatic added to it?

I thing the reason why is because the average person can't distinguish tastes very well anymore. This is not only supported by personal experience, but also by a food scientist friend of mine that says that more flavoring, sugar and salt are added to products sold in the US compared to the same products sold elsewhere (yes, with the same brand and by the same company). No wonder we can't taste celery.
 
2013-01-27 12:55:00 AM  

rga184: Comments like these have convinced me that our american palate us seriously messed up. Celery does have a taste. Yes, it's obviously not strong, but it does have a very subtle hint of saltiness and sweetness to it, particularly the inner parts down by the stalk. Add that to the grassy fresh taste, and it's just the most damn refreshing thing you can dip anything into.

I think our taste buds are so messed up from scarfing down ultra cool ranch doritos and hot wings soaked in butter, salt, sugar and what passes for hot sauce, that we are unable to recognize subtle flavors.

I once broke out some olive oils for some friends who wondered why I had more than three types in my house. One was your basic supermarket stuff for everyday choking. The other one had a super strong grass and green apple scent with a hugely peppery finish that I like for salad dressings, and the last one was a french bottle that was very smooth and tasted almost like clarified butter that I like for dipping. I put them out in little containers to see if they could taste the difference and only one of five people could.

Makes me wonder if that's why the biggest market for "fancy" olive oils is not the pure stuff with great flavors, but rather regular oil infused with stupid combinations. Orange peel flavor in my olive oil? Why not use an orange and a zester and some good oil instead if regular oil with some lab-created aromatic added to it?

I thing the reason why is because the average person can't distinguish tastes very well anymore. This is not only supported by personal experience, but also by a food scientist friend of mine that says that more flavoring, sugar and salt are added to products sold in the US compared to the same products sold elsewhere (yes, with the same brand and by the same company). No wonder we can't taste celery.


When people describe you, does the term "insufferable" come up a lot? Just curious.
 
2013-01-27 12:57:10 AM  
I love celery. I will often take celery leaves, dump them in a pot of water, bring it to a boil and then let it simmer for several hours. I makes my apartment smell quite nice. (This is a nice little "trick" to do before company comes over.)
 
2013-01-27 12:58:44 AM  
Oh yeah, the author sounds just like those damn militant vegetarians who feel it is their duty to shove their beliefs down everyone else's throats. I hope the author chokes on a steak.
 
2013-01-27 01:05:13 AM  

rev. dave: The best use for celery is hot wings, followed by pea soup and lastly bloody Mary. No other uses exist.


It is decoration only, like parsley, so I agree with you 100%
 
2013-01-27 01:08:10 AM  

WhippingBoy: Celery is the vodka of vegetables.

Or, if you find white paint to be overly stimulating, you'll probably like celery.


Wouldn't that make it more like Everclear?
 
2013-01-27 01:08:56 AM  
Has anyone here ever went to a party and was like "WHOO! F*CK-YEAH... CELERY!!"?
 
2013-01-27 01:15:06 AM  

FueledByEthanol: That said, you know who else liked celery?

[lileks.com image 800x968]

Art Frahm, that's who!

/Thanks James


That took a whole bunch of comments before that showed up.
 
2013-01-27 01:18:59 AM  

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA.

You'd best smile when you talk about Dr. Brown's Cel-Ray celery flavored soda.


I've had that a few times. It's actually not too bad--kind of citrusy with a mellow aftertaste. Also, I don't mind the use of celery salt. Aside from that, celery is my LEAST favorite vegetable. Unless it's for seasoning and removed before you put the real ingredients in, don't put it in stews, soups, spaghetti sauce (desecration!), or chili (BLASPHEMY!). If you HAVE to add celery to those or other dishes, make sure the chunk is big enough for me to remove and put on the side of my plate.
 
2013-01-27 01:19:54 AM  

cowgirl toffee: Has anyone here ever went to a party and was like "WHOO! F*CK-YEAH... CELERY!!"?


Yes. When my Caesar drink had practically a whole salad in it and it was awhile to go before dinner. Woo hoo! Celery!
 
2013-01-27 01:22:13 AM  

Gyrfalcon: WhippingBoy: Celery is the vodka of vegetables.

Or, if you find white paint to be overly stimulating, you'll probably like celery.

Wouldn't that make it more like Everclear?


I've invented a cocktail that consists of distilled water and vodka, garnished with a stock of celery. I can't think of a name though... It needs to be something really, really boring...
 
2013-01-27 01:22:34 AM  

HaywoodJablonski: rev. dave: The best use for celery is hot wings, followed by pea soup and lastly bloody Mary. No other uses exist.

It is decoration only, like parsley, so I agree with you 100%


Parsley, like celery, is a member of the Apiaceae family, and is also a common cause of phytophotodermatitis.
 
2013-01-27 01:23:03 AM  

katerbug72: cowgirl toffee: Has anyone here ever went to a party and was like "WHOO! F*CK-YEAH... CELERY!!"?

Yes. When my Caesar drink had practically a whole salad in it and it was awhile to go before dinner. Woo hoo! Celery!


*smack* You could have had a V-8. :P
 
2013-01-27 01:25:32 AM  

WhippingBoy: Gyrfalcon: WhippingBoy: Celery is the vodka of vegetables.

Or, if you find white paint to be overly stimulating, you'll probably like celery.

Wouldn't that make it more like Everclear?

I've invented a cocktail that consists of distilled water and vodka, garnished with a stock of celery. I can't think of a name though... It needs to be something really, really boring...


The Gore-Kerry-NPR
 
2013-01-27 01:27:02 AM  
Raw celery - no never, hate the stuff. Cooked in soup, stew, jamb, or stuffing - absolutely yes.
 
2013-01-27 01:34:12 AM  

cowgirl toffee: katerbug72: cowgirl toffee: Has anyone here ever went to a party and was like "WHOO! F*CK-YEAH... CELERY!!"?

Yes. When my Caesar drink had practically a whole salad in it and it was awhile to go before dinner. Woo hoo! Celery!

*smack* You could have had a V-8. :P


Lol Mmm V8 with vodka and a celery stalk. Clamato is best but V8 smooth and seasoned works too.
 
2013-01-27 01:35:52 AM  
#2 is not a lie. Celery absolutely contributes to the flavor of soup.
 
2013-01-27 01:36:28 AM  

katerbug72: cowgirl toffee: katerbug72: cowgirl toffee: ... Clamato is best ....


Sorry... I just threw up a little in my mouth... and it was still better than Clamato. *blech*
:P
 
2013-01-27 01:36:34 AM  
Celery... serious business
 
2013-01-27 01:38:09 AM  
The biggest lie about celery is that I really don't have it in my pocket.
 
2013-01-27 01:51:29 AM  

Teufelaffe: Thunderboy: t3knomanser: PacManDreaming: They taste good by themselves.

They don't taste like anything. A glass of tap water has more flavor than celery.

Celery is incredibly flavorful. I don't know what it is that you've been eating, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't celery.

Well, since they said that tap water has more flavor, they probably live somewhere with some horrid tap water.


I'm guessing Hanford, CA? Seriously, the tap water there is brown and tastes of rotten eggs.

As for Celery. I love it. The flavor is subtle and refreshing and I use it to offset very strong flavors. It's like rice, only without all the calories.
 
2013-01-27 01:56:45 AM  

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: All I know about celery is 3 things: it has negative calories, it was promoted for use as toilet paper in old-timey ads, and foley artists use it for bone break sound fx. That's about the extent of my celery knowledges.


At the very least, one of your three bits of knowledge is wrong...
 
2013-01-27 02:03:46 AM  
What kind of monster cooks celery?
 
2013-01-27 02:09:16 AM  
Raw celery numbs my taste buds, every time. Must be allergic or something.

Rhubarb does the same thing...weird coincidence?
 
2013-01-27 02:16:25 AM  
Good celery is good. Bad celery is disgusting. Just this very night, I've gotten good and bad celery from the same plant. Go figure.

/ok, good celery is just ok.
 
2013-01-27 02:21:01 AM  

cowgirl toffee: katerbug72: cowgirl toffee: katerbug72: cowgirl toffee: ... Clamato is best ....

Sorry... I just threw up a little in my mouth... and it was still better than Clamato. *blech*
:P


Clams are not meant to be drank.
 
2013-01-27 02:30:18 AM  
Celery is only good to me if it is with peanut butter, ranch, or bleu cheese.
 
2013-01-27 02:36:35 AM  

jiken: enjoy dealing with veggie libel laws, idiot


So the celery lobby is going to pull an Oprah on them?


cowgirl toffee: katerbug72: cowgirl toffee: Has anyone here ever went to a party and was like "WHOO! F*CK-YEAH... CELERY!!"?

Yes. When my Caesar drink had practically a whole salad in it and it was awhile to go before dinner. Woo hoo! Celery!

*smack* You could have had a V-8. :P


I like to put a couple drops of this stuff in my V-8 these days:

www.galenacanning.com

It's yummy. I've tried Tobasco but that just makes it taste like vinegar.
 
2013-01-27 02:38:27 AM  

fusillade762: I'm glad to find I'm not the only one who hates celery. Raw, anyway, I don't mind it cooked.

/also hate raw coconut, tapioca and rice pudding


There is no such thing a raw rice pudding. That's just rice 'n milk 'n raisins.

After washing celery use the edge of a knife to grab and draw out and away the strings found on the outside of each stalk. This is called "stringing" and makes the celery tender.

I think I learned that when I was 40.

/So many, many years ago.
 
2013-01-27 02:44:28 AM  
Uhhmm you forgot tuna salad which is damn near unedible w/o celery.

you mean like a tuna sandwich, right? I'll agree there. Try with apples sometimes too.


I use pickle relish (or chopped sweet pickles) in my tuna salad. Mom used celery, but it rots before I get to it, where pickles do not.

Celery is only good to me if it is with peanut butter, ranch, or bleu cheese.

My Mother-in-law makes a spread with cream cheese, shredded Buddig beef and green onions which is awesome on celery. Otherwise, add me to the celery is boring people, and it's not that I don't have tastebuds as I am a supertaster. It's just that celery is mostly water and tastes like it.

To the beet guy - I don't like beets either - except pickled - then they are great! Next time you are at a restaurant with a salad bar, give one a try (that way you aren't making any commitment and you have other food to cleanse your pallet if you don't like it).
 
2013-01-27 02:46:23 AM  
Celery has a place in soups, also perhaps with peanut butter or another topping of your choice.

But let's be clear, celery is a flavour delivery mechanism, nothing more.
 
2013-01-27 02:48:09 AM  

NotARocketScientist: Uhhmm you forgot tuna salad which is damn near unedible w/o celery.

you mean like a tuna sandwich, right? I'll agree there. Try with apples sometimes too.

I use pickle relish (or chopped sweet pickles) in my tuna salad. Mom used celery, but it rots before I get to it, where pickles do not.


I always make my tuna sandwiches with a little bit of onion and a whole lot of lettuce. Gives it that crunchiness without the celery gumhuggery.
 
2013-01-27 02:48:25 AM  
Organically grown celery is SO much tastier than conventional.
-I worked for the FoodWhole for years & cannot stand the taste of conventionally grown celery.
It's slightly metallic, bitter & dirty tasting. Organic is clean & fresh with no bitterness!

One of the few veggies I can say that organic growing practice makes a true flavor difference.
 
2013-01-27 02:48:52 AM  

Mr. Shabooboo: I don't like stringy celery . If something calls for celery, I'll put in celery seeds instead.That also spreads
out the flavoring from just one stringy green blob to the whole dish.


Take the flat edge of a knife and grab a bunch of the strings along the outside of the fat end of the stalk. Rip 'em out thus leaving you with 'stringless' celery. Awesome.

Ta da!
 
2013-01-27 02:52:19 AM  

Shostie: I miss celery. My wife hates it and green pepper, so like 2/3 of the cajun trinity are right out the f*cking window.


As long as you have okra, you should be okay. I loves me some okra.
 
2013-01-27 02:56:08 AM  
What the fark did I just read? Some kind of joke gone wrong? Am I giving the author too much credit?

I farking love celery.
 
2013-01-27 03:00:41 AM  
You know who else liked celery?

upload.wikimedia.org
 
2013-01-27 03:44:48 AM  
True story bro-

Here in Sydney a new Peruvian restaurant opened up. Excited, I mentioned this to a Peruvian lady friend, and we ate there one night.

One of the dishes was a few pieces of alpaca each cooked in a different way, with a very unusual yellow sauce sprinkled with the tiniest of tiny crunchy cubes of something I couldn't identify.

When I ate it I was stunned by how delicious this yellow sauce was, crunchy bits and all. I asked the waitress what vegetable was in this wonderful sauce, and my jaw dropped when she said "Celery." My reaction was to be absolutely stunned.

"Celery!" I replied. "I can't believe it- you have done something to make celery absolutely delicious, and I normally HATE celery!"

To this day I wish I knew what was in that sauce, as I have never touched celery since, but I would if I knew how to make that sauce.
 
2013-01-27 04:01:49 AM  

Strobeguy: I like celery, there I said it. I like it raw, cooked, layered with cottage cheese and cracked pepper.


That sounds yummy. I'll have to try that.

Celery and cream cheese is awesome. It can only be made better when you add green olives to the cream cheese and slather it on the celery.
 
2013-01-27 04:04:06 AM  

marius2: How much does Fark get for these articles?


They don't get paid by the article (except for sponsored links); they get paid by the ad views when people come into the thread to complain about the article.

You saw the ads once when you clicked the "view comments", once when you clicked "preview", once when you clicked "add comment", and once when you clicked "return to comments".

They got 4 page hits by linking to an article so silly that you had to post a comment about it. I'm sure they're considering your displeasure all the way to the bank.
 
2013-01-27 04:15:31 AM  

ox45tallboy: marius2: How much does Fark get for these articles?

They don't get paid by the article (except for sponsored links); they get paid by the ad views when people come into the thread to complain about the article.

You saw the ads once when you clicked the "view comments", once when you clicked "preview", once when you clicked "add comment", and once when you clicked "return to comments".

They got 4 page hits by linking to an article so silly that you had to post a comment about it. I'm sure they're considering your displeasure all the way to the bank.


Unless he uses AdBlock of course.
 
2013-01-27 04:22:24 AM  

PhiloeBedoe: The word celery comes from the ancient practice of paying Roman soldiers an allowance to buy it...


That would be the word salary, and the soldiers got paid in salt.

Close enough, I guess.

=]
 
2013-01-27 04:26:45 AM  
THIS is why soup companies dump so much celery into their soups; it's filler that has no right to exist in any soup except as filler.
 
2013-01-27 04:28:00 AM  

Do you know the way to Mordor: I asked the waitress what vegetable was in this wonderful sauce, and my jaw dropped when she said "Celery."


Do you know the way to Mordor: To this day I wish I knew what was in that sauce


Um, celery.
 
2013-01-27 04:55:35 AM  
I hate celery. Just has a really sharp taste and I believe it's only added to commercial products as a cheap way to add chunks / bulk without affecting the calorie count.
 
2013-01-27 05:28:02 AM  
Even when you set the scale to Gawker, this is retarded.
 
2013-01-27 05:30:29 AM  

LionHound: Some farkers farking love celery some farkers hate it with a passion. Everybody doesn't perceive flavor and aroma the same way and hence like the same things in their farking mouth. Calling something disgusting because you don't have a taste for it is a little over the top. I happen to like celery, and I have had intensely flavorful batches and somewhat bland batches so obviously YMMV. Generalizing and calling it all tough, flavorless and useless reveals that a person either has not tried a tender flavorful specimen or perhaps that they lack the facilities to perceive the flavor/aroma compounds present in celery, some individuals may be more sensitive to them and/or perceive them as unpleasant.

To me it has an aromatic herbal fragrant character, and a slightly salty flavor, which combine in distinctive ways with some hints of parsley, mint, and even sometimes hints of buttery coconut-like nuances. Cooking it a bit subdues the stronger flavors for me. I like it raw with nut or seed butters, homemade cheese spreads, hummus and in salads. Tuna salad is just incomplete without it, but it needs a good fine chop. Its indispensable for stocks and soups made in my kitchen imparting the basic fresh vegetable and herb aroma and flavor. It is low in calories, glycemic load, but high in fiber and can have pretty good potassium, folate and vitamin K numbers so saying that it contributes nothing is disingenuous.


Celery is also silicon rich, and that comes in very handy for people recovering from broken bones (ironic, since Foley artists snap celery to create the sound of breaking bones for TV and films).
 
2013-01-27 05:31:32 AM  

Phil Moskowitz: Even when you set the scale to Gawker, this is retarded.


Try reading it with the scale set to Fox, then it reads like a piece of classic literature.
 
2013-01-27 05:37:49 AM  
I'm not a big fan of raw celery, but I don't mind it in soups & stews. And when I'm making chicken or tuna salad, I always had a dash of celery salt.
 
2013-01-27 05:47:03 AM  

rev. dave: The best use for celery is hot wings, followed by pea soup and lastly bloody Mary. No other uses exist.


No, no ,no. It's Bloody Mary firstly, and pea soup is only good for illuding as vomit in movies.
And no love for Waldorf Salad?
 
2013-01-27 05:52:12 AM  

born_yesterday: lordargent: I can't do a damned thing with beets, every preparation, every spicing, and they still come out nasty.

I like them roasted (peel on, coated with olive oil), then peel and chop. Maybe with some balsamic vinegar.

If roasting doesn't cut it, I can't help ya.


I'd suggest roasting them also. I quarter them or cut them into 6 wedges according to size, drizzle with olive oil, salt, and pepper and roast at 425 for 45 minutes or so flipping them around a couple of times. I peel them first because I would rather eat the crunchy roasty bits than throw them away in the garbage.

One caveat though- if you roast them with other veggies like potatoes and onions- they will give everything a wierd pink hue that is kind of unsettling.

This is what happens when I wake up in the middle of the night and watch The Ice Harvest on HBO. I wax poetic about beets. LULZ
 
2013-01-27 05:58:19 AM  

Bathia_Mapes: I'm not a big fan of raw celery, but I don't mind it in soups & stews. And when I'm making chicken or tuna salad, I always had a dash of celery salt.


Try celery salt on french fries.
 
2013-01-27 06:46:35 AM  

ciberido: sno man: stanadamsii: lordargent: HotWingAgenda: Brussels sprouts, however, is the devil's food.

I'm ok with brussels sprouts, when roasted with mushrooms and bacon, with a bit of olive oil and sea salt.

BUT

When I was younger, I used to dislike a lot of veggies. Broccoli, sprouts, peas, etc.

When I got older, moved out, got my own kitchen and started cooking for myself, I realized that my dislike of a lot of veggies was a matter of preparation. IE, my mom/stepdad BOILED a lot of their veggies with little alteration.

With a steamer pot and a cast iron roasting pan and a cabinet full of spices, I've turned all of those disliked/hated veggies into dishes that ranged from tolerable to damned tasty.

EXCEPT FOR BEETS!!!

I can't do a damned thing with beets, every preparation, every spicing, and they still come out nasty.

Remember beets have *a lot* of sugar, use it small diced as the sweet component like a raisin in a stir fry and you might like it better. Never canned.
/also didn't like it until recently- balsamic was my gateway to liking it.

Beets are best roasted... clean, wrap in tin foil and throw into a 350ish oven for an hour or so.  when they give a little when you poke them, pull them out, let them cool a bit, peel them and cut up as you like, toss with butter and a pinch of salt. Just don't be too alarmed the next day or two in the bathroom.  I have an awesome Indian dish with beets, tomato, cumin and onions as well.

What the hell is wrong with you people? You've never ever heard of borscht?


LOL I had a Russian friend who was coming to visit, so I got the brilliant idea to make borscht. I bought about 20 dollars worth of fresh beets and believe me, grating beets is like grating chunks of limestone. Those little farkers are unforgiving and dense as moon rocks. It was the "most labor intensive for the least results" thing I have ever concocted in my kitchen. On the upside- he loved it. I tasted it and absolutely hated it.

Thank FSM he was here for a week and ate all of it. Otherwise I would have flung it into the sideyard for the starlings to mock.
 
2013-01-27 07:06:15 AM  

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: You'd best smile when you talk about Dr. Brown's Cel-Ray celery flavored soda.


They still make that? I thought my father was the only one who would even drink it.
 
2013-01-27 07:59:52 AM  
It's application as a posterior tickling device to induce orgasms is also vastly overrated.
 
2013-01-27 09:12:42 AM  

cowgirl toffee: katerbug72: cowgirl toffee: katerbug72: cowgirl toffee: ... Clamato is best ....

Sorry... I just threw up a little in my mouth... and it was still better than Clamato. *blech*
:P


lol I love the stuff.
 
2013-01-27 09:51:06 AM  

lordargent: HotWingAgenda:

EXCEPT FOR BEETS!!!

I can't do a damned thing with beets, every preparation, every spicing, and they still come out nasty.


Wash, cut off stem/root, wrap in aluminum foil. Bake at 400 for 45 minutes or so (until they won't stick to a knife when stabbed). The oven heat carmelizes some of the sugar in the beets, and they go from tasting like dirt to tasting roasty. Soak in cool water enough to allow you to massage the skins off. Cut into 1/2" or so cubes, coat with vinaigrette of choice. Add walnuts, sprinkle with goat or feta cheese. Delicious, delicious roasted beet salad. Keeps for a good few days in the fridge, makes for a good work-lunch side dish.
 
2013-01-27 09:58:28 AM  

rga184: One was your basic supermarket stuff for everyday choking.


Olive oil can be used for everyday choking, huh? You a member of the Thuggee cult?

Mock26: I hope the author chokes on a steak.


Or you could just send the author some of rga184's olive oil.
 
2013-01-27 09:59:53 AM  

carnifex2005: [Nature's Toothbrush]


F*kken saved.
 
2013-01-27 10:08:33 AM  
The most flavor of celery is in the leaves, but celery at the grocery is almost always denuded. Pisses me off.
 
2013-01-27 10:16:44 AM  

remus: I thought the biggest lie was "I'll pull out"... Oh, wait, celery, sorry, move on. Nothing to see here


Look, pull your celery out or don't, but don't lie about it, son.
 
2013-01-27 10:40:24 AM  
Has the author never seen one of these? A couple of passes and the strings are gone, and it is ready for your salad.

www.chefcentral.com
/hot
 
2013-01-27 11:50:18 AM  
I love celery.
 
2013-01-27 12:33:24 PM  
www.u.arizona.edu

celery sandwich from the old days over clocking a 300A to 504mhz
 
2013-01-27 12:55:21 PM  
Celery is the second most disgusting food on the face of the planet.
Coconut is the first.

Interesting dichotomy of opinions. I wonder if there is a gene that some of us have that makes celery taste like an unripe crabapple.
 
2013-01-27 12:55:57 PM  
Food that tastes good is good
Food that tastes like f**king vegetables is not that food
 
2013-01-27 12:58:56 PM  
My Google Fu is not strong enough to get a Rocky Horror Picture Show at the right moment...
 
2013-01-27 01:15:01 PM  

Banned on the Run: Interesting dichotomy of opinions. I wonder if there is a gene that some of us have that makes celery taste like an unripe crabapple.


It's possible:
Nature.com - Soapy taste of coriander linked to genetic variants - Dislike of herb traced to genes encoding odour and taste receptors.
 
2013-01-27 01:26:00 PM  

jaytkay: Banned on the Run: Interesting dichotomy of opinions. I wonder if there is a gene that some of us have that makes celery taste like an unripe crabapple.

It's possible:
Nature.com - Soapy taste of coriander linked to genetic variants - Dislike of herb traced to genes encoding odour and taste receptors.


Thanks!
 
2013-01-27 01:49:13 PM  

Fark It: Chicago recorded a record number of homicides in 1994, and the rate was much higher than before the ban for most of the 1990s.


You are cherry picking the data.

The number of murders fell roughly in half during the 30-year ban.

The same as every other major US city during the same period.

Chicago, with a handgun ban, had the same kind of crime troubles as places with lax gun laws.
 
2013-01-27 01:49:57 PM  
Wrong thread, obviously. Sorry.
 
2013-01-27 01:55:59 PM  

proteus_b: They still make that? I thought my father was the only one who would even drink it.


Ohhhhhhhh indeed.

And it's STILL wonderful!
 
2013-01-27 02:49:18 PM  

jaytkay: Wrong thread, obviously. Sorry.


Not if you dislike celery.
 
2013-01-27 03:05:10 PM  

Mock26: Bathia_Mapes: I'm not a big fan of raw celery, but I don't mind it in soups & stews. And when I'm making chicken or tuna salad, I always had a dash of celery salt.

Try celery salt on french fries.


I have. It's delicious.
 
2013-01-27 03:33:51 PM  
I can't stand raw celery. (Celery cooked until both its texture and flavor are gone is fine.) It's not as bad as green pepper, which leaves flavor behind wherever it falls, cooked or not, but it's right up there. My taste buds are pretty flexible about produce, but are just not into those two North American staples.

Luckily, I like oddball vegetables like beets, Brussels sprouts, and asparagus, so my parents were okay with my not eating celery and green pepper growing up. Especially since Mom doesn't like beets and Papa doesn't like Brussels sprouts...
/We all have our vegetables.
 
2013-01-27 09:25:08 PM  

Bathia_Mapes: Mock26: Bathia_Mapes: I'm not a big fan of raw celery, but I don't mind it in soups & stews. And when I'm making chicken or tuna salad, I always had a dash of celery salt.

Try celery salt on french fries.

I have. It's delicious.


Ooh, I'll have to try that. Sounds epic.
 
2013-01-27 11:49:50 PM  

MooseUpNorth: Bathia_Mapes: Mock26: Bathia_Mapes: I'm not a big fan of raw celery, but I don't mind it in soups & stews. And when I'm making chicken or tuna salad, I always had a dash of celery salt.

Try celery salt on french fries.

I have. It's delicious.

Ooh, I'll have to try that. Sounds epic.


Just a headsup...lightly salt the fries.
 
2013-01-27 11:50:34 PM  

HotWingAgenda: Do you know the way to Mordor: I asked the waitress what vegetable was in this wonderful sauce, and my jaw dropped when she said "Celery."

Do you know the way to Mordor: To this day I wish I knew what was in that sauce

Um, celery.


A basic understanding of food is that when a particular food is smothered in a strong-tasting sauce, the sauce can disguise or enhance the taste of the vegetable, seafood or meat. I was talking about the sauce changing the taste of the celery!!
 
2013-01-28 12:41:48 AM  
I ate celery tonight. and LOVED it!
 
2013-01-28 04:25:05 AM  
Rather ironic in a way, considering celery is the ONLY food I simply CANNOT stand the taste of?
 
2013-01-28 05:11:51 AM  

Bathia_Mapes: Just a headsup...lightly salt the fries.


So noted, and willdo.
 
2013-01-28 05:17:29 PM  
Have you ever had celery with cilantro on it?
 
2013-01-28 07:03:47 PM  

dryknife: Have you ever had celery with cilantro on it?


No, but maybe I will try it....
 
2013-01-28 09:03:01 PM  

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: proteus_b: They still make that? I thought my father was the only one who would even drink it.

Ohhhhhhhh indeed.

And it's STILL wonderful!


And I'm still mad my local Jason's Deli stopped carrying Cel-Ray.
 
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