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(Yahoo)   You can afford to spend $1 million on a car. Assuming you choose the linked monster instead of a Bugatti, why would you go with the whale foreskin leather option? The crocodile belly leather is MUCH softer   (autos.yahoo.com) divider line 64
    More: Unlikely, crocodiles, whales, National Automobile Dealers Association, Leon Trotsky, turbo, soviet leader, snakes, Amg  
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6213 clicks; posted to Geek » on 26 Jan 2013 at 2:02 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-26 12:32:54 PM  
That simply has to be satire.
 
2013-01-26 12:51:59 PM  
Well, I had to look it up.  The folks at DARTZ have decided that the whale wang leather isn't a good idea.  Here's their press release:

We have no any ideas to kill the whale or something like that. All we want - to make just luxury car. Real luxury car which will be world number one car. [...] All we want to unite luxury and armoring traditions of RussoBalt factory in one car, which brand celebrated 100 years now. At 1922 RussoBalt was renamed to PROMBRON' (ex.RussoBalt).

We just looking for most expensive products for this car - and that's why we choosed whale penis leathure when we checked it is most of most. After wave of protest we realised our mistake and make a decision not to use natural leathure at all. We will focus on world most advanced nanotechnologies to achieve interior highest quality using artificial materials which also was never used for cars. We want to tell our hello to all whales: "Our Sea Brothers! We all know that earth are stand on three whales - we will keep You live! We don't Earth fall down to Ocean!
 
vpb [TotalFark]
2013-01-26 12:56:37 PM  
If the Black Snake is what they call their car for China, what are they going to call it when they get around to making one for Alabama?
 
2013-01-26 01:01:06 PM  
dahmers love zombie: hilarious followup

Rarely on fark am I caught offguard by a big blob of WTF. This article and your followup have me squinting and mumbling. I simply don't know what to make of this, but I want it to be real for some reason.
 
2013-01-26 01:03:24 PM  

vpb: If the Black Snake is what they call their car for China, what are they going to call it when they get around to making one for Alabama?


Tootsie Roll.
 
2013-01-26 01:04:43 PM  

vpb: If the Black Snake is what they call their car for China, what are they going to call it when they get around to making one for Alabama?


2Beau Coupe
 
2013-01-26 01:10:16 PM  
Even if I was a multi-multi-billionaire I'd feel like an asshole spending $1mill on a car.

/not a problem I'll have to worry about
 
vpb [TotalFark]
2013-01-26 01:14:11 PM  

Mugato: Even if I was a multi-multi-billionaire I'd feel like an asshole spending $1mill on a car.


That's the point!
 
2013-01-26 01:22:24 PM  
The whale penis interior is a nice feature for a 4-seater SUV. If you rub them, it seats 7.
 
2013-01-26 01:23:09 PM  

Mugato: Even if I was a multi-multi-billionaire I'd feel like an asshole spending $1mill on a car.

/not a problem I'll have to worry about


Look at this way. Eventually some of that $1mil will find its way into the pockets of the blue-collar guys on the assembly line.
 
2013-01-26 01:44:15 PM  
Allegedly these bar stools on Aristotle Onassis's yacht were also made of whale peen leather:

www.boattest.com
 
2013-01-26 02:06:17 PM  
I think I designed that in second grade.
 
2013-01-26 02:13:03 PM  
How do they harvest whale penis leather; must take at least four skin-divers....no?
 
2013-01-26 02:13:49 PM  
i48.tinypic.com

I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac Eldorado convertible, hot pink, with whale skin hubcaps and all leather cow interior and big brown baby seal eyes for headlights.

/what ya gonna do, he's an asshole
 
2013-01-26 02:15:34 PM  
static3.fjcdn.com
 
2013-01-26 02:27:15 PM  
Sgt Otter:
Look at this way. Eventually some of that $1mil will find its way into the pockets of the blue-collar guys on the assembly line.

That's the thing most people forget about. Every time you find a collection of megarich folks, there's a much, much larger collection of poor-to-middle-class guys who make really expensive things for way too much money.

Heck, look at fashion designers while you're at it. They take a few hundred dollars in materials (at most), sew it together, and make a few thousand dollars for a dress that's one step above Target in actual quality. Most of these folks couldn't make an honest living if it weren't for gullible rich people.

Then, of course, there's the whole yacht scam. Boats are expensive to make, but not THAT expensive, when you get right down to it.
 
2013-01-26 02:37:07 PM  

cirby: They take a few hundred dollars in materials (at most), sew it together, and make a few thousand dollars for a dress that's one step above Target in actual quality


um... no.
 
2013-01-26 02:48:21 PM  
Behold, the Dartz hood ornament...
blog.jameslist.com

And no, I'm not joking...
 
2013-01-26 02:59:57 PM  
Too bad you still end up buying a piece of shiat car made in China.
 
2013-01-26 03:04:07 PM  

Cletus from Canuckistan: Behold, the Dartz hood ornament...
[blog.jameslist.com image 480x523]

And no, I'm not joking...


There's probably a name for that position on Urban Dictionary.  Maybe the "King Of The World"?
 
2013-01-26 03:05:33 PM  

dahmers love zombie: Cletus from Canuckistan: Behold, the Dartz hood ornament...
[blog.jameslist.com image 480x523]

And no, I'm not joking...

There's probably a name for that position on Urban Dictionary.  Maybe the "King Of The World"?


I think it's called "the Titanic," AKA "Winslet on the Bow."
 
2013-01-26 03:05:45 PM  

Lunchlady: Too bad you still end up buying a piece of shiat car made in China.


Huh?
 
2013-01-26 03:09:28 PM  
FTA:

For sports car lovers there are tons of labels who make bespoke cars like Pagani, Koeniggsegg, Zenvo, Panoz and so on. But DARTZ is the only company that dubs up your big car.

There's a real difference here. A Pagani or Koenigsegg car is a work of art with legendary performance and the most cutting edge technology ever seen in a road car.

A DARTZ is just a blinged up monstrosity to state that you have absolutely no taste whatsoever..

Not sure why the article mentions Zenvo or Panoz, they aren't in the same league.
 
2013-01-26 03:21:16 PM  

drjekel_mrhyde: Lunchlady: Too bad you still end up buying a piece of shiat car made in China.

Huh?


Link
 
2013-01-26 03:29:19 PM  

Lunchlady: drjekel_mrhyde: Lunchlady: Too bad you still end up buying a piece of shiat car made in China.

Huh?

Link


I suspect the "Huh?" is because Dartz is a Latvian company, they're just selling this one monstrosity to the Chinese.
 
2013-01-26 03:35:18 PM  

FloydA: Lunchlady: drjekel_mrhyde: Lunchlady: Too bad you still end up buying a piece of shiat car made in China.

Huh?

Link

I suspect the "Huh?" is because Dartz is a Latvian company, they're just selling this one monstrosity to the Chinese.


Ah. I stand corrected.
 
2013-01-26 03:35:49 PM  
Megadouchemobile
 
2013-01-26 03:41:13 PM  

Lunchlady: FloydA: Lunchlady: drjekel_mrhyde: Lunchlady: Too bad you still end up buying a piece of shiat car made in China.

Huh?

Link

I suspect the "Huh?" is because Dartz is a Latvian company, they're just selling this one monstrosity to the Chinese.

Ah. I stand corrected.


Since it's a Latvian company, just blame Doctor Doom; he's from there.
 
2013-01-26 03:44:18 PM  
If money were no object:

www.gtspirit.com

What I actually drive:

images.gtcarlot.com
 
2013-01-26 04:02:32 PM  

fatassbastard: If money were no object:

[www.gtspirit.com image 480x280]

What I actually drive:

[images.gtcarlot.com image 480x360]



Ha ha, you drive a station wagon.

The l33t studmobile I drive:

www.thedetroitbureau.com


But I got that shiz tinted, yo.
 
2013-01-26 04:08:38 PM  
Ya, but the luxury edition has so much more eagle.
 
2013-01-26 04:22:32 PM  

Warthog: But I got that shiz tinted, yo.


Me too! (that's not my actual car I posted) Plus, I did the APR Stage I ECU upgrade, so now I have a whopping 209hp instead of a measly 170! :)

/it really did make quite a difference, although it's still not what you would call "fast"
 
2013-01-26 04:49:47 PM  

fatassbastard: Warthog: But I got that shiz tinted, yo.

Me too! (that's not my actual car I posted) Plus, I did the APR Stage I ECU upgrade, so now I have a whopping 209hp instead of a measly 170! :)

/it really did make quite a difference, although it's still not what you would call "fast"


You chipped a minivan?  HAhAHAHAHAHAAHAAahAHAHAA.
 
2013-01-26 04:51:56 PM  

fatassbastard: Warthog: But I got that shiz tinted, yo.

Me too! (that's not my actual car I posted) Plus, I did the APR Stage I ECU upgrade, so now I have a whopping 209hp instead of a measly 170! :)

/it really did make quite a difference, although it's still not what you would call "fast"


I was thinking about APR tuning my A6 3.0T, would bring it close to 400hp. Then I remembered that I drive too fast as it is, and I changed my mind.
 
2013-01-26 05:14:20 PM  
cirby:
They take a few hundred dollars in materials (at most), sew it together, and make a few thousand dollars for a dress that's one step above Target in actual quality

timujin:
um... no.

You're right - the Target dresses are usually made of higher quality material and are sewn better.

/no, "more expensive" does not always equal "better"
//that's what happens when you get a failed art major who goes into the clothing design business
 
2013-01-26 05:20:17 PM  
I think I'll buy an LM002, take it to West Coast Customs and spend the other $750K on hookers and blow.

i236.photobucket.com

I'm sure that Ish can install a Whale Penis interior in a couple of days.
 
2013-01-26 05:23:49 PM  
You can afford to spend $1 million on a car. Assuming you choose the linked monster instead of a Bugatti, why would you go with the whale foreskin leather option? The crocodile belly leather is MUCH softer

t3.gstatic.com

/ You're welcome!
 
2013-01-26 05:24:25 PM  
Well, it DOES come with Mothra caviar.....
 
2013-01-26 05:28:01 PM  

Warthog: You chipped a minivan?


You're my kind of crazy. ;)
 
2013-01-26 05:29:49 PM  

BadReligion: I was thinking about APR tuning my A6 3.0T, would bring it close to 400hp. Then I remembered that I drive too fast as it is, and I changed my mind.


Yeah, it's a good thing my car isn't any faster than it is. I'd love to have a Stage II 2001 S4 Avant, but I'd probably lose my license in about 6 months. :)
 
2013-01-26 05:39:31 PM  
Honda Fit here.  I'm saving up to put a lowrider kit and a four or five foot high wing on it, because that's just how I roll, dog.

/and an extra hamster for the engine
//that way I'd have, like, four
 
2013-01-26 06:02:08 PM  

Eddie Adams from Torrance: The whale penis interior is a nice feature for a 4-seater SUV. If you rub them, it seats 7.


I clicked on the comments to either see or make this joke. Thank you.
 
2013-01-26 07:04:19 PM  
I'd prefer the interior crocodile alligator. I hear it drives like a chevrolet movie theater.
 
2013-01-26 07:26:54 PM  

dahmers love zombie: Honda Fit here.  I'm saving up to put a lowrider kit and a four or five foot high wing on it, because that's just how I roll, dog.


It's all about "bippu" style now, dog.

www.speedhunters.com
 
2013-01-26 07:31:41 PM  

Pincy: Ya, but the luxury edition has so much more eagle.


Also, there are some eagles under the floorboards.
 
2013-01-26 07:32:15 PM  
If I were "Fark you" rich, I doubt I'd spend a million on a car.

I can think of quite a few things I'd rather blow money on then a car I would probably not drive. I'm "Fark you" rich, I ain't driving anywhere. I'm taking the jet pack or hiring some loser with no job prospects (hey, keep an eye out Farkers) to pull me on a rickshaw or maybe on some sort of Pharoah style pedestal. Hell, I might just hire someone to carry me on their back like Hodor.
 
2013-01-26 07:42:58 PM  

js34603: If I were "Fark you" rich, I doubt I'd spend a million on a car.

I can think of quite a few things I'd rather blow money on then a car I would probably not drive. I'm "Fark you" rich, I ain't driving anywhere. I'm taking the jet pack or hiring some loser with no job prospects (hey, keep an eye out Farkers) to pull me on a rickshaw or maybe on some sort of Pharoah style pedestal. Hell, I might just hire someone to carry me on their back like Hodor.


Get a palaquin with flunkies dropping rose petals before you
 
2013-01-26 07:45:05 PM  

js34603: If I were "Fark you" rich, I doubt I'd spend a million on a car.


I would.

Well... I'd spend half that.

theawesomer.com

Then I'd spend the other half on court settlements after I drive over a bunch of normal people cars.
 
2013-01-26 07:49:46 PM  

Glitchwerks: dahmers love zombie: Honda Fit here.  I'm saving up to put a lowrider kit and a four or five foot high wing on it, because that's just how I roll, dog.

It's all about "bippu" style now, dog.

[www.speedhunters.com image 672x448]


Man, if you tried to drive that in my neighborhood, you'd tear up the underside just going over the cracked and buckled pavement, before you even got to a speedbump.
 
2013-01-26 07:52:42 PM  
Looks like you could get 4 seats worth of leather from one whale.

Pic; maybe too graphic for some hippies.
 
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