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(Politico)   "Republicans on how to fix the GOP" That's like a fat guy telling you what he's gonna do to diet while he devours a Rhode Island sized taco   (politico.com) divider line 102
    More: Amusing, GOP, Rhode Island, obesity  
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1120 clicks; posted to Politics » on 25 Jan 2013 at 10:59 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-01-25 09:41:04 AM
Acknowledge that all Americans matter, regardless of how you feel about policies.
 
2013-01-25 10:04:39 AM

Diogenes: Acknowledge that all Americans matter, regardless of how you feel about policies.


Well yeah, except for the rich people.  We need to take all their money and then eat them.
 
2013-01-25 10:18:13 AM
A Rhode Island size taco? So, a taco.
 
2013-01-25 10:18:41 AM
You could start with fixing that small government BS you claim but don't follow at all and stop trying to ban abortion and regulate marriage.  That alone will probably get you 3 or 4 points off the gender gap.
 
2013-01-25 10:19:52 AM
1.) Make presidentin' while black a felony
2.) Oust the Kenyan Muslin Socialist Communist Nazi Islamofascist usurper Buttcrack HUSSEIN Fartbongo and launch him and his policies into the sun
3.) Outlaw the democratic party
4.) Double down on the derp
5.) When step 4 doesn't work, TRIPLE DOWN
6.) Exhume Ronald Reagan and resurrect him so that he can become the nation's eternal president
7.) Make being a non tea-partier a felony
8.) Make having an abortion a felony
9.) Make being non-Christian a felony
10.) Make being non-protestant a felony
11.) Make getting raped a felony
12.) Make being homosexual a felony
13.) Make being a woman a felony
14.) Make being poor a felony
15.) Outlaw all taxes
16.) Make Israel the 51st state
17.) Declare war on Iran
18.) Declare war on the Soviet Union
19.) Declare war on socialism
20.) Eliminate Medicaid
21.) Eliminate Medicare
22.) Eliminate Social Security
23.) Eliminate welfare
24.) Eliminate government
25.) Appoint Ted Nugent as Chief Justice of the United States
26.) Reverse the 1000 years of darkness
27.) ????
28.) PROFIT!
29.) Pay down the national debt with all our new revenue money we're not giving to the poors
30.) Bask in eternal glory as supply-side Jesus descends from the heavens and his blessings trickle down upon our great nation until the end of time
 
2013-01-25 10:42:27 AM
Anybody have a translation of what Newt said?
 
2013-01-25 10:45:59 AM
They're really going to have to do full throttle self-examination.

I'm thinking some sort of ultrasonic wand should be involved.
 
2013-01-25 10:53:59 AM
do they still think the problem is HOW they are selling it, and not WHAT they are selling?

cause I don't care if the pile of shiat with shiat sauce comes with a money back warranty for 10 years and free turd polish.

I still don't want it.
 
2013-01-25 10:58:25 AM
List of People Conspiring Against the right, and therefore, America
(also known as LOPCATRPATA for short...):
Liberals
Democrats
Socialists
Atheists
Agnostics
Muslims
Jews
ABC
NBC
CNN
CBS
PBS
NPR
All of cable except FNC
Black People
Mexicans
Gays
Lesbians
Feminists
The ACLU
Activist judges
SCOTUS
Movie Industry
Television Industry
The NY Times
All other newspapers except the Wall Street Journal
National Endowment for the Arts
Keith Olbermann
Rosie O'Donnell
Barbara Streisand
Chris Matthews
Anyone who doesn't allow conservatives to dominate a conversation or win an argument
Environmentalists
Geologists
Biologists
Meteorologists
Darwinians
Europe
Reality
The United Nations
Human Rights Activists
ACORN
Labor Unions
Teachers
Colleges
Professors
All farm animals except sheep
Google.com
Math
Muppets
San Francisco
The New Black Panthers
Voters
Gays at Chick Fil A
Beggers at gas stations
Polls (so that means Fox news too)
 
2013-01-25 11:02:13 AM
Just change the name to "The Belligerent Bigot Party" and Ta-Da! Fixed!
 
2013-01-25 11:02:55 AM
"Don't leave! I made dip!"
 
2013-01-25 11:03:15 AM
An elephant is like a rope.
 
2013-01-25 11:03:54 AM

dogdaze: List of People Conspiring Against the right, and therefore, America
(also known as LOPCATRPATA for short...):

I saw a better version of this list with reference links, that would be the one to post

 
2013-01-25 11:05:11 AM

GiantRex: 29.) Pay down the national debt with all our new revenue money we're not giving to the poors


There is no way the GOP is ever going to pay down the debt, whenever the deficit ever drops low enough again they will just use that as an excuse to create more tax cuts for the rich and jack it back up again.
 
2013-01-25 11:05:26 AM
Without RTFA I'm going to make a wild, bold guess and say their answer is "Be Moar Conservative" with a healthy dose of "Purge the RINOs!" and "Compromise is like letting a thousand gay porn stars money shot into George Washington's eye!"
 
2013-01-25 11:05:55 AM
Recognize it is your policy, not your presentation, that is causing you to get your asses kicked.
 
2013-01-25 11:05:56 AM
I'm interested in these Rhode Island-sized tacos, tell me more.
 
2013-01-25 11:08:01 AM

SuperT: do they still think the problem is HOW they are selling it, and not WHAT they are selling?


That's pretty much what all the GOP knuckleheads in attendance have said...

They truly believe they just need to wrap their farked-up, regressive, plutocratic fundamentalism in a prettier package and have blacks and hispanics spout it and everything will be OK.

The depressing part is it might actually work.
 
2013-01-25 11:09:38 AM
Considering the Rhode Island House just approved marriage equality, kind of an apropos analogy.
 
2013-01-25 11:12:40 AM
Realize that a platform that wants Small Government fiscal conservatism that promotes freedom is ideologically opposite of Large Government social conservatism that seeks to impose their morals on others and infringe upon their rights.

Realize that the poor and middle class are the consumers, not investors. If they don't have money it hurts us all.

Realize that women, minorities see through your empty pandering. Denounce racism in your leaders.

Realize that the Tea Party is mostly comprised of idiots. You can get the idiot vote without having to dumb down everything.

Realize that the echo chamber you've created with your conservative media/alternate reality is getting you out of touch. You put people who don't believe in Science in leadership roles that govern science and don't even realize how bat shiat crazy they are.

Most of all, stop putting your party and personal power above the country. You obviously don't have a viable solution so stop trying to fark everything up. Listen to smart conservative solutions even if it means having to compromise your ideologies. You are well know hypocrites anyways.
 
2013-01-25 11:14:17 AM

SuperT: do they still think the problem is HOW they are selling it, and not WHAT they are selling?


Pretty much. The moment they realize that it's not the marketing, but the product, that is their problem will be the moment that they begin to return to relevance.
 
2013-01-25 11:15:30 AM

simplicimus: Anybody have a translation of what Newt said?


I think he was trying to say the Republicans should actually give a shiat about things real people actually care about, and maybe even consider the consequences of their policies on real people before they implement them, instead of just picking two or three sophomoric goals and selling them to rich donors.
 
2013-01-25 11:16:44 AM
Maybe take a hard look at the model that says;

Regulating Business is morally unjustified.
Regulating People's bodies and lives is morally required.
 
2013-01-25 11:17:44 AM
Set up redistricting so there's minority rule?
 
2013-01-25 11:18:17 AM

ilambiquated: simplicimus: Anybody have a translation of what Newt said?

I think he was trying to say the Republicans should actually give a shiat about things real people actually care about, and maybe even consider the consequences of their policies on real people before they implement them, instead of just picking two or three sophomoric goals and selling them to rich donors.


Also he's saying, "I read Future Shock and you didn't, so bow to my superior intellect".
 
2013-01-25 11:19:45 AM
Ignore the fringe and do your job.
 
2013-01-25 11:20:42 AM

BillCo: Diogenes: Acknowledge that all Americans matter, regardless of how you feel about policies.

Well yeah, except for the rich people.  We need to take all their money and then eat them.


All this straw is making my allergies act up.
 
2013-01-25 11:23:35 AM

simplicimus: Anybody have a translation of what Newt said?


He's the republican's "intellectual." You wouldn't understand.
 
2013-01-25 11:25:15 AM
You can't fix the party. It is exactly how they want it. If they change then they are RINOs.

Read Republican comments on articles. They actually want more conservatism. More regulations on people they hate. More Christ. More traditional views.

To change is to become a democrat.
 
2013-01-25 11:29:22 AM

Ardilla: BillCo: Diogenes: Acknowledge that all Americans matter, regardless of how you feel about policies.

Well yeah, except for the rich people.  We need to take all their money and then eat them.

All this straw is making my allergies act up.


Bill has a problem understanding the word "all."  Perhaps I should have used grunts and hand gestures for him.
 
2013-01-25 11:29:38 AM
Their views are hypocritical at the core.

They are for State's rights until they aren't.

They are for fiscal responsibility until it affects the military

They are for personal freedom and responsibility until someone makes a choice they disagree with

They are for religion until that religion isn't Christianity.

You can have any view or moral code as long as it theirs.
 
2013-01-25 11:30:31 AM
i.imgur.com
 
2013-01-25 11:37:22 AM
See I keep hearing that the Republican Party has a messaging problem not a policy problem. What they really have a is a governing problem.

When you run on a jobs and small, and I'm assuming responsible, government platform, and you focus on meaningless bills like overturning Obamacare, or dangerous ones like redifining rape, or holding the economy hostage, you are governing poorly. that is why Congress is lower than lice in the opions of the public.

Any adult knows it's not what you say is what you do. GOP you are doing it wrong no matter if what you say makes sense.
 
2013-01-25 11:41:12 AM

Diogenes: Ardilla: BillCo: Diogenes: Acknowledge that all Americans matter, regardless of how you feel about policies.

Well yeah, except for the rich people.  We need to take all their money and then eat them.

All this straw is making my allergies act up.

Bill has a problem understanding the word "all."  Perhaps I should have used grunts and hand gestures for him.


I think Bill assumes that all Americans matter according to their net worth.
 
2013-01-25 11:50:26 AM
It is an old strategy of the GOP to delude their victims into fighting their battles for them. "See in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the agenda."
 
2013-01-25 11:50:28 AM
Conspicuously absent: the acknowledgement that their ideology is based on ignorance, wishful thinking, and delusion; and the resulting will to understand where they've been wrong in the past, and rededicate their cause to falling in line with reality - no matter how unpleasant reality might seem when compared to the reassuring fable of their old cherished beliefs.
 
2013-01-25 11:50:30 AM
You want to fix the republican party then start by not doing the things on this mall listing of the things that switched me from voting for McCain to voting for Alvin Greene & Obama)

1) Obama was born in Hawaii. Just farking deal with it. Anyone who brings up anything that supposes otherwise should simply be shunned or blackballed out of the party.

2) For farks sake, stop writing laws that have anything at all to do with gender, sex, or it's consequences.
I don't want to hear someone's opinion on how gays will destroy marriage when he's working on his third ex-wife.
Gays are not going to cause the death of the American military. For that matter, neither will women serving in combat billets instead of support MOS's that just happen to keep seeing action. If someone can hump the pack and hit the target, then let them serve however they're qualified.
I don't want to hear someone's opinion on rape when they seem to think that some versions need the qualifier 'forcible'.
I don't want to hear someone's opinion on abortion when the only time they introduce bills concerning it is when they know they can't possibly become law. If you wanted to actually outlaw abortion, you would have done it sometime during the early 2000's, when you had the house, senate and presidency. Abortion is something you guys just keep around to drum up votes with, but never intend to actually 'fix'.

3) I don't give a flying fark is someone is Muslim instead of protestant, and neither should the government. You biatch about a mosque being built every day up to an election, then forget the issue. Everyone can see the race (religion?) baiting, and it's beneath the ideals of this country. Warning about 'creeping sharia' when I can't buy a beer because I'm supposed to be in church is kind of obvious discrimination.

4) The HPV vaccine will not turn your daughters into sluts. Not unless you had already done that yourself.

5) While I agree with your aim to balance the federal budget, erase the national debt, and am even willing to talk about cutting entitlements to do so, I will need you to first realize that the laffer curve is a theoretical construct, which even if true, most certainly does not go to infinity at 0%.
 
2013-01-25 11:51:15 AM
You guys need to go negative. Stop sucking up to Obama and let us know what you really think about him.

Also don't let slutty rape victims off the hook. Keep drafting legislation in as many states as possible to show them you mean business.
 
2013-01-25 11:59:34 AM
Perhaps stop trying to legislate morality, and understand at some point, that all the corporate and business subsidies that you want to give out, have to be paid for at some point. Likewise, maybe stop fighting on issues that only have a limited appeal to so called social conservatives--who don't appear to be all that social and in fact don't seem to like a lot of people in general, and who advocate policies that are radical at their heart no matter what they like to call it--are alienating the party from not one but now two generations, and working on a third who will remember them as the party that likes bigots.

Seriously. Dump the bigots. Dump the policies that appeal to the bigots and knuckle draggers, and put together policy that is careful and considered, and maybe shut down the Outrage Machine for a bit, and get back to Conservative policy, as opposed to trying to generate scholarship that calls radicalism "Conservatism."

The sad thing is: Obama is right now the best Conservative President we've had in years. The problem is, the Outrage Machine has moved the definition of "Conservative" to the point where radicals and Wing Nuts can be included under the banner, so that in order to distance themselves from a President who has pretty much governed the way that many would have been thrilled by only ten or fifteen years ago, they have to crank out the DERP to Eleventy in order to have an appearance of even being in the game. Considered and careful policy, and supporting that policy, as opposed to outright obstructionism and immediately calling ANYTHING that the President does as "shameful" only means that the Democrats can come out in support of baseball, football, apple pie, and American made cars, and watch the GOP leadership fall over themselves to call such things Socialist and Un-American.

And given the last election, it's kind of working. And considering the froth that folks are whipping themselves in even after the Inaugeration, it's only going to get worse, because now the DNC has their number, and can push and pull them across the line to absolute idiocy with only a few pokes. And maybe if the RNC would stop looking for malleable and ideologically correct asshats, as opposed to actual leaders, we might actually get something done...
 
2013-01-25 12:03:46 PM
so I read the 10 quotes
I was thinking about copying and commenting on each of them. I quit. There is no point. These people believe what they are saying. There is nothing that we can do to change their beliefs. This is one of the differences between dems and gops. GOPS dont want change. DEMS accept that sometimes you might be wrong.

Example:
Why has same-sex marriage become such a GIANT equality issue?
Over the last few decades, more and more people have changed their view on this equal rights issue.
The people in favor of equal rights are not GOPS.

These people just dont get it.
 
2013-01-25 12:05:31 PM
1) Stop talking about rape
2) Stop talking about socialism
3) Stop talking about how Obama is going to rape us all with socialism.

Basically, stop talking.
 
2013-01-25 12:09:36 PM
What's really funny/creepy is that the gop has absolutely no intention of changing their vile platform. Hell, they are thinking that Romney lost because (and we've heard it before whenever a gop candidate loses) "he wasn't conservative enough".

Might explain why Ryan seems to be positioning himself into power like Darth Sidious right now, slowing becoming the latest "face of the republican party". Oh, that little sh*t is certainly going to run in 2016 all right.

No. They are not only refusing to change their policies but are planning to become even more vile in the years ahead.

What the gop is trying to figure out is to how to effectively convince the darkies, women-slaves, those filthy poors, and stinky old geezers that being subjugated and knowing their place is GOOD for them.
 
2013-01-25 12:10:41 PM

RangerTaylor: I'm interested in these Rhode Island-sized tacos, tell me more.


well you take 3 delaware dollops of sour cream, stick them in a vat of 14 texass filled with ground cow (we're looking at 3 kansas' of cows here) mix it in with 4 alaskas of ice burg lettuce and an arizona of tomatoes and mix it all up
 
2013-01-25 12:11:09 PM
Also you guys need some spokespeople from outside the party who can connect with the common man. I suggest you recruit a bunch of absurdly wealthy white dudes to constantly complain about how hard and unfair their lives are.

This is necessary because poor people have self esteem through the roof. They're also very stupid. If you can drive the point home and repeatedly communicate to them that they're little more than vermin willfully destroying the country with laziness and greed, they're bound to come around to your side and vote for you.
 
2013-01-25 12:11:49 PM

dogdaze: List of People Conspiring Against the right, and therefore, America
(also known as LOPCATRPATA for short...):
Liberals
Democrats
Socialists
Atheists
Agnostics
Muslims
Jews
ABC
NBC
CNN
CBS
PBS
NPR
All of cable except FNC
Black People
Mexicans
Gays
Lesbians
Feminists
The ACLU
Activist judges
SCOTUS
Movie Industry
Television Industry
The NY Times
All other newspapers except the Wall Street Journal
National Endowment for the Arts
Keith Olbermann
Rosie O'Donnell
Barbara Streisand
Chris Matthews
Anyone who doesn't allow conservatives to dominate a conversation or win an argument
Environmentalists
Geologists
Biologists
Meteorologists
Darwinians
Europe
Reality
The United Nations
Human Rights Activists
ACORN
Labor Unions
Teachers
Colleges
Professors
All farm animals except sheep
Google.com
Math
Muppets
San Francisco
The New Black Panthers
Voters
Gays at Chick Fil A
Beggers at gas stations
Polls (so that means Fox news too)


You forgot Sponegebob
 
2013-01-25 12:19:24 PM
How to fix the Republican party:

Stop putting your dick in crazy. You did it once, and now crazy is at the door, holding a baby, and screaming about child support.
 
2013-01-25 12:24:17 PM
Not a single Republican quoted said, "We need to kick God out of our political platform."
 
2013-01-25 12:24:19 PM
8 whites, jindal and rubio, which consider themselves white. no blacks or mexicans. check
8 men, 2 women. nice inclusion
5 old, 5 less old. I dont really expect young. but that is part of the problem, isnt it.
no homosexuals (not counting the closet cases), no non-xians

most of the quotes are full of delusion.
It would be interesting to see a survey about WHY people voted for obama or against the GOP.
ex-gop voters, independents, what not. WHY did these people did not want to vote for Rmoney.
An open ended survey, not a push-poll or a list of GOP ideas, or what the GOP thinks are the important issues. It would be enlightening and the GOP wont do it.

1) "It's time to stop looking at elections through the lens of 'battleground states.' We have four years till the next presidential election, and being a 'blue state' is NOT a permanent diagnosis. ... Simple 'outreach' a few months before an election will not suffice. In fact, let's stop talking about 'reaching out'-and start working on welcoming in. Political support is cultivated over time-not collected on Election Day." - RNC Chairman Reince Priebus

2) "They're really going to have to do full throttle self-examination. They have alienated so many people who are Republicans. It's going to be a mighty challenge. The party's gone astray."- Retired Maine senator Olympia Snowe

3) "Today's conservatism is completely wrapped up in solving the hideous mess that is the federal budget, the burgeoning deficits, the mammoth federal debt, the shortfall in our entitlement programs...even as we invent new entitlement programs. We seem to have an obsession with government bookkeeping. This is a rigged game, and it is the wrong game for us to play." - La. Gov. Bobby Jindal,

4) "There's too many people that are either in the Republican Party wondering why they are in the Republican Party because they feel like the party isn't representing them any longer. Or we have people who have left the Republican Party and aren't getting a clear message as to why they should come back into the fold." - Nevada RNC Committeewoman Diana Orrock

5) "The GOP should end red-versus-blue and narrowly focused targeting models. What would a 100 percent Republican Party be like if we planned 2014 and 2016 with no reference to red or blue states or counties? It is true that President Obama ran a deliberate class warfare divisive campaign. However, if you analyze his winning coalition it is amazing how many components were bonded by micro-communities and a sense of inclusiveness that transcended a narrowly class warfare approach. We have to understand this pattern of defining differences while being openly inclusive." - Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich

6) "Both parties tend to divide Americans into 'our voters' and 'their voters.' But Republicans must steer far clear of that trap. We must speak to the aspirations and anxieties of every American. I believe we can turn the engines of upward mobility back on, so that no one is left out from the promise of America." - former Vice Presidential candidate Paul Ryan

7) "The party has to continually ask ourselves, what do we represent? But we have to remain the movement on behalf of upward mobility, the party people identify with their hopes and dreams. People want to have a chance." - Sen. Marco Rubio

8) "We think a little more of a libertarian Republican, someone who is a strict constitutionalist but also believes in a strong, defensive military but not necessarily in an overly aggressive or bellicose 'Let's get involved in everybody's civil war' military, I think that has more appeal to independents and some people who have given up in the Republican Party." - Kentucky Sen. Rand Paul

9) "We need to find a way to combine core principles with an outreach strategy that is more welcome to voters who haven't always been reached out to." - Republican strategist Ralph Reed

10) "I hate to say it, but we need to copy what Howard Dean did, and that is make our ground game in all 50 states." - GOP strategist and moneyman Karl Rove
 
2013-01-25 12:37:09 PM

namatad: 10) "I hate to say it, but we need to copy what Howard Dean did, and that is make our ground game in all 50 states." - GOP strategist and moneyman Karl Rove


I thought Rove was persona non grata at the moment.
 
2013-01-25 12:38:41 PM

meat0918: namatad: 10) "I hate to say it, but we need to copy what Howard Dean did, and that is make our ground game in all 50 states." - GOP strategist and moneyman Karl Rove

I thought Rove was persona non grata at the moment.


I suspect there's a great number of GOP bigwigs who right now wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire, but their party still needs all the help it can get.
 
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