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(Huffington Post)   Please hold...your estimated wait time is 43 days   ( divider line
    More: Sad, Fifth Third Bank, mortgage refinancing, Chong, Air Canada, Accenture  
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20080 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Jan 2013 at 6:10 AM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-01-25 06:55:27 AM  
2 votes:
What could be improved is the 'hold' music they play. Fed Ex used to have a jazz loop nightmare played at several decibels over normal speaking volume. Customers should be given a choice : press 1 to hear Skrillex, press 2 to hear headache relief commercials, press 3 for the suicide hotline...
2013-01-25 06:45:32 AM  
2 votes:
Personally, I would hang up after the second day. Third tops.
2013-01-24 11:47:56 PM  
2 votes:
Why does being on hold even matter? You put the phone on speaker and mute it and go about doing other things while the music plays. Then, when a voice finally comes on, you unmute it and say, "hold one one second, mkay?" and go about finishing up whatever you're doing. After another minute or so you come back to the phone and go about your business. No fuss, no muss. Multi-tasking is the key to everything.
2013-01-26 05:14:57 AM  
1 vote:
Reminds me of the last time I tried to call Hewlett-Packard. After 2 hours on hold I decided that if they were going to waste my time I'd at least waste a little bit of their money. Drove around to all the payphones I could find (been a LONG time since I've owned anything made by HP), called their 800-number and got into the queue, left them off the hook, and went home. Don't know if my phone died before or after they answered... sometime after I went to bed.

It's funny, though. You call the sales line and someone's on the line in seconds...
2013-01-25 08:41:25 AM  
1 vote:
The best way to get through a phone tree is to go to Sales first, then ask that human to send you to the right human. Sales is always the fastest to pick-up.
2013-01-25 08:22:18 AM  
1 vote:
"This research shows how poorly the phone performs as a customer-service channel," TalkTo CEO Stuart Levinson said in a release.

The last time I went to a customer service establishment, The outer door was steel with diamond plate welded over it. There was no door knob only a bar to pull the door open, the "waiting area" had dark stains on the floor, they'd given up painting the steel that served as the lower part of the counter and the glass on the upper part was the glass that has heavy wire cast into it. I could tell it was glass by the shards on the floor and the fact that it looked frosted it'd been smashed so many times. It was translucent because of all the times it had been smashed. You could only see shadows moving behind it. The "Speaking Grill" hole was covered by more diamond plate leaving about a quarter of an inch for any audio to pass either way.
You could tell they'd made "adjustments" to their security as time passed. Sort of surprised the waiting room wasn't a cast concrete tank.

So face to "face" isn't all it's cracked up to be either.

1978 - goooood times
2013-01-25 07:56:20 AM  
1 vote:
Who in the hell calls an airline to confirm a flight, as stated in TFA? The reason we have to hold is because of idiots that call for stupid shiat like this in the first place. These must be the same idiots that take 15 minutes when they check in for a flight. What in the hell are you talking about at the desk?!?!?
2013-01-25 07:26:11 AM  
1 vote:
Some places have hidden options to try and trick you.
Forget which place I called but it went like this

"Welcome to blah-blah, push 1 to get sold something, push 2 to speak to someone in Icelandic, push 3.....
'Sorry, that is NOT a valid option. Push 1 to...'
'Sorry, that is NOT a valid opt-'
'Sorry, that is NO-'
'Please wait.'
[human] "Hi! How can I help you?"

Of course some other companies give you this instead:
"You have push the wrong button too many times. Call back when you know what you are doing. *click*"

Of course the really trollistic companies put you on hold for 30 minutes, and then you hear the line ring, and then instantly disconnect.

Comcast was doing this when they made everyone go to those digital boxes that would NOT auto activate for shiat. Between waiting on hold, getting disconnected, finaly talking to someone who said my box would turn in in 5 minutes, calling back 1 hour later and getting disconnected again before I gave up in anger, I spend about 3 hours on hold and went 2 days without TV (oh, the horror, I know)

My favorite one was I have having some sort of utility problem. I am on the line with tech support for 45 minutes. The the tech says "hold on just one second ok?" and then the line disconnects. I call back and get "Sorry, we are now closed" Farking bastards.
2013-01-25 07:24:06 AM  
1 vote:
2013-01-25 07:04:31 AM  
1 vote:
After spending years in cammies standing in line I swore when I got out never again. If theres a line I leave, if you put me on hold I hang up, if it is important I google the company, go to their investor relations page and email the VP of whatever division I have a beef with and tell him my problem clearly and succinctly, 99% of the time the flunky handling the mail takes care of the problem quickly.

/now get off my lawn
2013-01-25 06:51:20 AM  
1 vote:
Either start encouraging abortions and condom usage, or just get used to the fact that there's going to be a line.
2013-01-25 06:45:21 AM  
1 vote:
2013-01-24 11:57:53 PM  
1 vote:

Pocket Ninja: Why does being on hold even matter?

I have had to deal with most govt. agencies, drug companies, insurance companies... If you mash the 0 button you will most likely (90% of the time) get a person to speak with. I know some companies have nuked that option, but most haven't.

Just press 0 and wait. If that fails, hold down the 0 key for a solid will either be disconnected, keep waiting, or get a person. You will most likely be greeted with a real, live person who can: NOT understand your wants/needs and create a case # that will be thrown in the cylindrical file. They will plead the Fif and by the end of the call you'll be apologizing to them.

Also, 99.999995% of people FAIL at multi-tasking. I'm surprised they can dress themselves in the morning.

Drink Duff Beer!
2013-01-24 10:55:48 PM  
1 vote:

GAT_00: Let's do a little math.

I was told there'd be no math.

Which is why I read USA Today.
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